//------------------------------// // A Day in Ponyville // Story: Source Code // by Nugget27 //------------------------------// I found Trixie sitting next to a pond, her wagon was left off to the side as she was staring down into her reflection. It was a serene little place, most of the surrounding area was just bushes and trees, save for the small opening I just came through. The water… was crystal clear, way nicer than any ol’ pond I’ve seen on Earth. There was a small stream flowing into it, and a slightly larger stream flowing out of it, which probably helped to keep the lake crystal clear… Hey! You can see Canterlot Castle from here! I… just realized I left Luna alone in a town that’s probably terrified of her. Shit. Trixie had actually taken her hat and cape off, and was probably set inside her wagon. She was wiping her face with her hooves, like she was still crying. Me, being a sucker for crying mares, figured it was best to make myself known to her instead of sitting and laughing at her for crying like a kid. “Howdy,” I said as I rematerialized right next to the sad looking mare. She jumped a little, before glaring back at the pond. “Are you here to taunt Trixie over your victory?” “No, I followed you because you were crying and I felt bad.” “Trixie doesn’t cry…” “You are right now,” I wrapped my left leg around Trixie and pulled her close. “Sorry about embarrassing ya in front of all of Ponyville… If it makes you feel any better, you’re definitely stronger with magic, and it is really pretty magic. I was more than happy to just sit and watch you perform if you weren’t boasting so darn much… Or challenging me to a duel for some reason.” “It’s an act,” Trixie grumbled. “Trixie does it to hype herself up and put on a show for other ponies. Usually when prompted with a challenge, most of Trixie’s adversaries back down, and then you didn’t. Trixe doesn’t have much, her own family abandoned her for following her dreams of being a show mare. Trixie does take great pleasure in entertaining other ponies… and sometimes the payoff financially is nice; everypony has to eat and all. Can you… teach Trixie how to do that fire thing? It would be useful in her shows.” “I could, or I could give you a copy of the magical system I’m developing, that lets me do the fire thing. From there, you can learn how to do DragonFire and it’ll help you out in your shows… I had a couple copies made.” I teleported one from mine and Celly’s room to me. “Here ya go.” Trixie immediately opened the notebook before reading it over. “This… just looks like Runes.” She commented. “It basically is, check the equations and look at the second page. It’ll teach ya how to do the fire thing.” “This… looks really simple,” Trixie pointed out. “This is what you did?” “With my horn, yeah." I did the same equations and Runes before DragonFiring up a bottle of whisky and a cup. I poured some whisky and handed it to Trixie. “This’ll make ya feel a little better.” “Trixie doesn’t drink; it could end poorly.” “One cup won’t hurt. It’s only a shot.” “Trixie admits that a shot of whisky sounds nice right now.” She took the shot and smiled slightly.  “So,” I patted her back. “Wanna come back to Ponyville? Or you wanna keep on moving. Because if you wanna keep performing, you can in Ponyville pretty easily. If you keep performing, I recommend checking out the earth pony heavy towns; it’ll be really easy to wow them. Some small town folks probably don’t have a lot to entertain them, so seeing a magic show might make their day.”  Trixie sat and hummed, before a drunken smile began to slowly form on her face. “You make a good point. Can you pull Trixie’s wagon? She doesn’t trust herself with even just a little alcohol in her system.”  “I can go ahead and do that for you, I suppose. Back to Ponyville?” Trixie nodded, then we both got up. Trixie hitched the wagon to me, which was surprisingly easy to pull around… Then Trixie hopped on my back and rested her head right between my ears. Well, isn’t that just great? So far, Trixie is using me as a pillow, Rainbow might, or might not have a thing for me. Twilight might be warming up to me, and Apple Jack likes me. I have four pretty mares and Rarity that might like me. Or find me attractive for some reason, yet I have next to no sex drive and have a main bitch(Celly, I love you, don’t kill me if you read this diary. Though if you read my diary, I will have to kill you). I might be an anime isekai protagonist. New world, pretty ladies, no sex drive.  That sounds like a nightmare… wait no, I’ve actually had sex, unlike most isekai protagonists! That surely means I’m better than all those protagonists. “Trixie likes your mane; it makes for a good pillow.” She started dozing off… She must be a real lightweight if one shot of whisky did that to her… I shrugged, whisked away my whisky, after putting the cap back on(can’t have alcohol fires) in some DragonFire, back to my private stash, before marching right back to Ponyville. The wagon, the Trixie on my back, and the fact that I’m not athletic led to me using a few spells to keep up, namely that rejuvenation spell and a strength buff. That made the journey back way better. You know, the area that isn’t in the Everfree Forest is rather serene and peaceful. It was just a simple dirt road with bushes on the sides of the path, and the very light canopy of trees overhead provided a nice shade from the sunlight, but didn’t make it horrendously dark like the Everfree. The sound of birds singing their stupid little bird songs was actually pretty nice, and added to the nice, serene feel of just walking down a dirt road to Ponyville with a unicorn mare riding on my back. Personally, I would rather have Celly, magically shrunk down, riding on my back while happily snoozing away, but she's too busy with her royal duties for us to have a simple road trip across the country while doing just that. I wanna carry my marefriend across teh country, dammit! The walk to Ponyville took a while, but I would say it’s worth it just for the feel. My Irishness takes great joy in just being able to walk through the countryside. As Ponyville grew bigger and bigger, I could see Luna sitting in front of the sign, staring right at us. I could tell there was a small smirk on her face as I grew closer and closer to meeting up with her. Before long, I was walking beside Luna back into town. She nuzzled me, before giving me a cheeky grin. “You are an only one mare stallion indeed.” “Shush, Trixie had some whisky, since I thought it would make her feel better, and it did. Then she decided to take a nap on my back.” “I saw how Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash were looking you over after your duel with Trixie; I think they liked what they were seeing. And Trixie is clearly comfortable with you.” “Twilight did seem a lot nicer than when I last saw her. Also I refuse to date Rainbow Dash, or the rest of Twilight’s friends, save for Apple Jack if me and Celly don’t work out. They did kinda let me almost get murdered by a manticore once, and I don’t like that. Rarity apparently thinks I’m attractive, or is a gold digger, and… I don’t know why Trixie wanted to use the back of my head as a pillow. However… Son of a bitch; I can’t just leave her in a motel room, can I?” “No, you cannot.” “I guess I’ll babysit her until she wakes up.” I rolled my eyes as we kept walking into town, where we were quickly met by Twilight and her friends. “Source,” Apple Jack started. “Ah don’t know how, or why, but you do realize that Trixie’s sleeping on your back, right?” She asked. “Yeah… I had a chat with her, and made her feel better. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s seeing a mare cry. It’s why I went out after her to begin with. Hugged her, gave her a copy of the basics of Python’s Alpha, and then gave her some booze. Then this happened.” I grumbled. “I would leave her in her wagon, but then I’m sure somebody would take advantage of her while she’s like this. I will admit, she’s pretty, now imagine what would happen if somebody morally bankrupt found her in her wagon, passed out?” “Ah can imagine it wouldn’t be pretty. Why’d you give her some booze, anyways?” "Well, sometimes,” I let my accent start to thicken. “Sometimes it’s best to stick to the cratur, the best thing in nature for sinkin’ your sorrows and raisin’ your joys! Oh, what botheration! No dose in the nation can give consolation like poitin, me boys!” I whisked my whisky back to me. “As a lad, I had a few sips of this stuff, and made my mom and dad worry sick for me… then remembered our heritage and figured I just wanted more whisky…” I chuckled before going back to a normal accent. “Whisky can sometimes help out a lot when it comes to making somepony feel better. So I gave some to Trixie and-” somepony slipped off my back. “Trixie’s awake!” The mare slid off my back before promptly taking her wagon’s harness off of me. She was now wearing a happy little smile. “And feeling a lot better. Thank you for carrying Trixie on your back…” the poor lass started looking a little down. “Perhaps Trixie should say she’s magically talented rather than the most magical unicorn from now-” “Nah, the ‘most magical unicorn’ is catchier. Just don’t boast too much. Or tell tales like you fighting an Ursa Major… and don’t challenge any Lunas wearing cloaks.” Luna herself snorted at that, while most of her face was covered by her cloak. Trixie looked a little surprised at my urging to keep on using that marketing scheme, but couldn’t really argue. Being the most magical is a way better selling point after all. “Trixie has to ask, why are you with an alicorn?” Trixie pointed at Lulu, before asking. “Are you her plaything or something?” “No, I’m her sister’s plaything, Princess Celestia. Luna just likes the idea of having a brother in law, that she can treat like an actual brother despite the fact that I’m just going to be her brother in law.”  “...You’re married to Princess Celestia now?” Twilight asked. I shook my head. “No, but I plan on proposing to her sometime next year. Or this year. Apparently a lot of horrible shit’s gonna happen, and you only live once, y’know? Celly will only get me for so long anyways. Might as well get hitched and see if me and Celly can’t just take a nice tour around Equestria as a honeymoon.” “I shall be able to watch over Canterlot Castle if thou two hie honeymoon. It hath been a thousand years since mine sister took moe than just her Saturday off.” Luna gave me a grin. “Thou two are already sleeping with each other. Thou may as well propose to her as anon as thou get back home, yes? I’m sure Tia will be delighted by thee’s proposal.”  “I’ll have to take your advice… Give it a week or four, and we’ll see how I’m feeling. I may propose to her at the Gala this year.” “Wait, what the ACTUAL BUCK!?” Trixie shouted. “I ALMOST ASSAULTED PRINCESS CELESTIA’S CONSORT!?” “Yeah. I won’t arrest you or anything though; it was a duel that we both agreed upon.” That… didn’t do anything to quell Trixie, since something else dawned on her too. “I JUST SLEPT ON YOUR BACK, LIKE YOU WERE MY COLTFRIEND, AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE THE PRINCESS’S BUCKING CONSORT!” “Celestia wouldn’t have cared that much. She knows that I know I’m basically her property; I sometimes let her put a collar on me if she asks me nicely enough.” Luna and I just watched with shit eating grins as everyone around us started sputtering at that comment. “Really, being held on a leash doesn’t do wonders given my background, but hey, Celly wants to walk me like a dog, she can do it all she wants… while plowing my field that is. Usually it’s the other way around, with who plows who’s fields, but whenever Celestia plows mine, it’s a nice treat.” Luna whacked me upside the head with a wing. “Source, thou are breaking everypony’s brains.” We both fell on our rumps before laughing. I sat right down in the library, Twilight, Luna, and the rest of the girls were sitting at a table. After Trixie’s bravado, and after cheering her up, she decided to retreat into her wagon for a day to try and comprehend what she almost just did. Even if I told her it was chill. She just couldn’t get over the fact that she nearly attacked ‘Princess Celestia’s plaything’. Everyone recovered after I made that joke about Celly plowing my field, if you know what I mean, and we all decided to head inside Twilight’s place for the day since that’s where Twilight and her friends like hanging out, apparently. I looked up from my notebook, a new one I got in order to write down WME(Windows Millenium Edition), the new name for my new, horrible Magic System. I just made a Levitation spell that took approximately seventy seven Runes, and forty eight different calculations that were overly complicated. By the way, if you messed up a Rune or an Equation, it would straight up break and not do anything. By the way, it’s in Chinese, so most ponies won’t even know how to read the Runes, and they have to be exact with the tone of the Rune, or it will also fuck up. That’s fucking right, Twilight, this Rune system going to make you wanna kill somebody… or you’ll be happy about the new challenge I’ve given you. “So,” Twilight waved to me and Luna. “You two seem to have gotten along pretty well.” “Well, neither of us have anything to do,” I shrugged. “Sometimes I try to help Luna out with speaking modern Eng-Equish, and we hang out every now and then. Are you implying I’m dating Luna too?” “No…” “Yes, thou art. We can tell… However, we must make it clear, Ms. Sparkle, Source and I are not romantically into each other. We treat him how We would treat my sister, or a younger sibling if We were to ever have one. Meanwhile…” “I get to feel what it’s like to be the youngest sibling for once… it’s a tad bit weird since I’m dating Celly, but hey, I don’t mind getting to act like a kid every now and then. My brothers used to drive me nuts while I was watching them for ma-” “YOU HAVE BROTHERS!?” Rarity almost shouted. “You must introduce me to them!” “...I don’t think that’s gonna happen anytime soon,” me and Twilight said at the same time. “Huh?” Twilight gestured to let me go first… Okay, that is weird, seeing this woman treat me nicely.” “Darling, you said you were from another country! How hard would it be to write them and ask them to come visit?” “My second oldest, or oldest, brother, depending on how you look at them, is around sixteen. Not even an adult yet… Never even got to be there for his eighteenth birthday… damn.” I sighed. “Look, me being able to speak with my family is… a rough topic for me, alright? I’m not introducing them to you anytime soon, if at all. I wish I could, but I can’t even talk to them via DragonFire, or even just send them a message.” “Why not? Surely sending a message overseas isn’t too-” “Ms. Rarity, drop the topic presently. Source is choosing to not introduce thou to his siblings for many reasons. We wot the reason, and trust Us, We see the hurt ‘i his eyes whenever he endues up his issue, especially his brothers. Drop the topic and never bring it up, Rarity, or I will make you drop it this instant.” Luna just said her first, full sentence, in modern English. My… I guess my future sister in law nuzzled my ear before whispering into it. “Thou are alright, yes?” “I’m fine, Luna. Thanks for stepping in.” “‘Tis not a problem! If thou wishes to vent to us, or our sister, do not hesitate. Perhaps a therapist? I have been seeing one recently… for what I’ve done. I’m sure they can help you,” Luna whispered. “That… would be nice. If you can get me set up, that would be really, really helpful, Luna.” Luna nuzzled me again, before draping a wing over my back and pulling me closer to her… Some alicorn snuggles never cease to make me feel a little better. “Hey!” Twilight just snatched my journal on WME! “What… the… buck… is this spell?” Twilight asked. “Levitation written out in Runes from… a province in my country. Except I made it so annoyingly hard to do, that even Celestia would struggle with it. By the way, I came up with that one, and Luna wanted to help out with it. Though I had plenty of time on the train, and Lulu used me as a pillow on the train despite having a tall cup of coffee this morning.” “Why are there exactly seventy seven runes?” “It’s Python, it’s meant to be longer, but give you better control of your levitation.” Each Rune had an instruction on how to reproduce said Rune, so that’s what Twilight did. Six or seven times before giving up. “The runes aren’t even hard! It’s the equations! You made these!?” “Yeah. I was bored.” “...This is impressive, Source, but what the heck is wrong with you?” “I was bored.” And I want to prank you and I’m doing my best not to blabber about WME. “I just wanted to see if I had the skills to rework an existing spell to make it more precise in exchange for less power. If you want an actual copy of my journal on Python,” I pulled a copy out of my saddlebags and handed it to her. “Here ya go. You take care of it, and I’ll give you an updated version when I make a leap or advance in developing that.” “Can you walk me through it? You can stay the night if you’d rather explore Ponyville before you walk me through it.” “...Yeah, I would actually like a tour of Ponyville. I spent all day, last time I was here, playing buckball and trying to kick apples out of a tree. Fun stuff, but I never got to see much of town before the Summer Sun Celebration.” I looked around. “I’m sure you all can show me around if you would like.” “Oh! Pick me as a guide!” Pinkie raised her hoof. “Actually Pinkie,” Twilight started. “I was hoping to be the one to give Source the tour; I had everything planned out for when he did eventually stop by to visit, it was just a matter of when he would come and visit. I just didn’t expect him to come visit today instead of later this week.” “I couldn’t come later this week. I have a job now, and I was hoping to ask Celestia out for another date; a nice little picnic in Canterlot Park. On top of that, I planned on making use of this week to work on Python more and more, since I still need to get more… mass friendly version of it set up. I am down to stay a night here in Ponyville to help you pick Python up, but I want you to read the disclaimer on the first page before you end up actually picking it up.” “You got it I’ll read it later; right now me and the girls have a tour to give you and Princess Luna.” “Bet.” Twilight stood up, before taking the lead. Luna and I fell in line behind her pretty quickly, with Luna preferring to put her cloak back on so ponies wouldn’t start running away at the sight of her. Pinkie Pie was bouncing behind us, and frankly, I did want to talk to her, but trying to keep up with everything that a party pony can say in one breath is really hard to do. On top of that, what do I talk to her about? Pinkie likely has plenty to talk about, given her apparently being friends with everyone in Ponyville. Luckily, Pinkie decided to walk up to me and spark up a conversation instead. “Hey, Source Code! Can I call you Cody?” That… is oddly close to my old name. I wouldn’t mind going as ‘Cody’ again. “Sure thing, Pinkie. What did you wanna talk about?” “Well, you said you were hoping to get married to Princess Celestia didn’t you?” “I did. Why do you ask?” “Well, you need somepony to plan the wedding reception, and I’m the best party planner in all of Equestria!” “I will admit, that party that you had when Twilight first came to Ponyville was pretty fun. If me and Celly get married, or rather, when, I’ll let ya know, and you can help plan the reception… You wanna host the ‘New Prince’ party with that reception, don’t you?” Pinkie nodded. “Fair enough. Just… Well, I can’t tell you to keep me from being the center of attention at my own wedding, but I guess… I dunno. We’ll see what happens, Pinkie. I’m hoping me and Celly get married.” “Okie Dokie Lokie! I bet you two will be happily married by next June!” “Ok… So, how’s life going with you? It’s been about three weeks since we’ve talked.” “Well…” And here comes Pinkie’s ADHD fueled ramblings about her daily life. It was impressive to hear just how well she was able to compress three weeks of time into about three breaths. What’s weirder is that I was beginning to understand her. “Hey! You skipped over the last three weeks of my life!” What? “Oh well, I’m sure everypony knows what happened during these last three weeks from watching the show. Oh look! It’s Sugarcube Corner!” What the ever living fuck did Pinkie just say?! What show!? At some point, I was being dragged into Rarity’s boutique, the Carousel Boutique or something. Anyways, she caught wind of me attending the Gala this year, where I’ll likely be proposing to Celestia, and wanted to give me a suit. No, no matter how much I insisted, I couldn’t get Rarity to let me pay her back in some capacity. I felt like a dick; I was getting something for free and I really didn’t like that. Perhaps I should warn her, since I have had run-ins with the stallion she wants to sleep with, Prince Blueblood, or Celestia’s god damn nephew. I only haven’t mentioned him yet because I am compiling all of our interactions so I can make one big journal entry on why I wanna kill Blueblood, but legally can’t. “Hey Rarity,” I said, while she was measuring me.  “Yes dear?” Rarity asked. “You wanted to try and hook up with Prince Blueblood at the Great Galloping Gala, right?” “Of course! He is a prince after all, and you are going to be a prince consort…” “Yeah, Prince Blueblood ain’t actually a Prince. His whole bloodline was once related to… I think Celestia’s cousin, a long, long, long time ago. They found out that they were related, and to Celly and Luna about… a thousand years ago, and for the most part were good people judging purely on what Celestia had told me. The Blueblood bloodline remained close to the crown, and Celestia treated every single pony in that bloodline like they were family… until present day where the current Prince Blueblood’s some spoiled dickhead. He tried tossing me out of the castle once after he caught me sleeping under Celestia’s wing one night back when I was still just a student of hers. “Then he tried tossing me out after he learnt that Celestia and I were dating. How she could ‘do better than that commoner scum’. I agree; Celly could do a lot better than me, but something in her head said ‘yeah, this random guy will do’. I’m grateful, and I’m more than happy to have her. I still don’t like hearing those words come out of somebody else’s mouth with such disgust and venom in their voice. If they were shocked that I’m dating The Mare of the Morn, then that’s  cool, I’m still kinda shocked myself… Uh, I got distracted. Anyways, Prince Blueblood’s a prick, avoid him if you can.” “Oh… Thank you for the heads’ up, Source. I…” “He called Luna a bitch upon seeing her for the first time… Oh… I swear I saw Celly’s mane and tail catch fire for a second; she had dragon eyes for but a mere moment too. That’s only happened thrice, and they all involve Prince Blueblood overstepping or making a rude comment about somepony Tia loves.” “...The Princess can have dragon eyes?” “I think it’s a form not too dissimilar to Nightmare Moon, an alter ego that takes over when an alicorn gets pissed off beyond belief. Luna was demonized beyond belief, hence why she became Nightmare Moon. Celestia… She cares so damn much about me and Luna, that she almost goes… I think I would call her alter ego Solar Flare, Celly told me about it, but didn’t give her alter ego a name, since usually the alter ego would pick its own name upon being fully unleashed for the first time. I’m still shocked at how I scored her, like seriously… Celestia is so damn sweet to me, so darn caring about me…. And it’s really nice.” “And done!’ Rarity’s horn lit up, as she was done sewing my suit together. It was a black suit, since that would probably be the color that would go best with my coat, without it being bright yellow like my mane. It was just a suit jacket, but it was built for ponies instead of a human male. It had blue accents that matched my coat, to split it up and keep it from just being a black jacket. There was a breast pocket for some reason that had Celestia’s cutie mark sewed into it. The cufflinks were bright yellow to match my mane, and a one on the left sleeve, and a zero on my right, as buttons. How she made the suit so quickly is beyond me. “Go on Source, try on your suit; I bet you would look handsome in it!”  …Celestia singsonged behind me. “Where the heck did you come from?” “Luna asked Spike to send a message to me. It mentioned you getting a suit from Ms. Rarity here,” Sun Butt smiles. “Are you going to put the suit on yet? I canceled my meeting with Mr. Pennywise to avoid hearing about taxes; I hate hearing about those just as much as everypony hates doing taxes. Mainly because Pennywise’s voice is scratchy, monotone, and rough on the ears…”  “Man, I feel bad for you, skipping out on a meeting with that ol’ sleeze bag that’s constantly proposing taxes on grass.” I lifted myself in the air with my magic before slipping the suit on… This is the most comfortable suit in my life. As it turned out, there was a white, button up shirt that I quickly buttoned up, and proceeded to look at myself in the mirror… Holy mother of christ… I actually look kinda cool. The suit… is simply stunning. I turned to the side, and almost smiled. “Oh… if I had a short top hat, that would make my suit look complete.” Rarity’s horn lit up and soon a very short top hat floated on over and landed on my head. The top hat was a simple, black tophat with a dark, red band going around the base of it. “You sure do look… Snazzy,” Celestia hummed. “If you dressed like that everyday, I would have to reward you every night because… I am quite enjoying how you look, Source. Very handsome.” Luna just poked her head in the door, a small, cheeky smile was on her face as my own face started heating up as Celestia walked circles around me, got up to my ear, and started whispering about all her ‘rewards’ for me if I wore the suit during the Great Galloping Gala or any other social gathering we have to attend in the future. Celestia, unfortunately, had to go back home so she could resume her duties. She nuzzled Luna goodbye, we shared a kiss, and she was off. Luna had decided to go pick up a book in the Golden Oaks Library while I waddled around town, before deciding upon a destination. I’m gonna pay the Apples a visit, since that was supposed to be a stop during the tour, but Rarity ended up kidnapping me and tailoring a suit, which went home with Celly. That was the place I was hoping to go to the most; I wanted to hang out with my bro, Big Mac. Riding on my back was Spike, who also just wanted to hangout… Damn, if Shining Armor were here, we’d have a whole bro army that would make a certain Swedish man very happy. “So that’s why Celly came home looking pissed off,” I hummed. “Wait a second, that’s a heinous crime back at home. How the hell isn’t Twilight in jail? Actually, why did she do it to begin with?” “Twilight casted a ‘Want It Need It Spell’ because she didn’t have anything to report on friendship one week, even though I don’t think Princess Celelstia told her that Twilight needed something to report every week… She made it pretty clear after stopping that whole fiasco. I think Twilight being more than remorseful, and terrified of Princess Celestia, was enough to keep her out of the dungeons. Do you think you could try making something like that in Python?” “I might be able to, but I’m not going to. Mind control is a fucked up thing and only monsters resort to that sorta shit. Or Twilight when she’s having an episode.” “So, what have you been up to after you went back to Canterlot?” “I yelled at Celestia for possibly getting herself killed during the Summer Sun Celebration… I got Luna addicted to coffee before we stopped in Ponyville. I still can’t make the perfect piece of toast using magic, which I’m still kinda sad about. I’ve made so much progress with Python that I might be able to actually release it by the end of the year, and I might do it during the Gala, or during Hearth’s Warming. It’s pretty cool.” “...What was that about the perfect piece of toast?” “There was a machine… from back home that was a lot like a toaster. It was hella expensive, but it made the perfect piece of toast every time. I want to make a spell that makes the perfect piece of toast, not because it’s useful, but because I think it’s a fun endeavor. So far, I’ve gotten close, but I can’t get it perfect. I’d say I’ll figure it out by next January.” “You…” “Are mentally ill, yes, I know. I’m almost as hyper fixated on making a Perfect Toast spell as I am when it comes to making Python, or WME. Don’t ask what WME is, it’s a surprise for Twilight.” “Alright… It won’t hurt her or make her mad, will it?” “Nah, WME is just meant to be something that’ll… challenge her. Remember when she asked about that one spell that was a few dozen Runes long?” “Oh… You are going to drive her nuts with that, if you make a full on magic system based on it.” “I know… and I’m gonna feel bad, but it’ll be funny. Twilight’s been pretty pleasant since I’ve gotten here, which is way better than the first few weeks being her peer.”  Once we got to the farm, it turned out that Big Mac was out running the apple stall today, so we weren’t actually able to hangout with him. Instead, I got roped into helping Apple Jack buck some apple trees… No, we weren’t having sex with trees. Because ‘buck’ has more meanings than it should. It can be a kick, a saying, or a ‘censored’ version of fuck… and have the same meaning as fuck. Anyways, apple bucking is what Apple Jack called kicking trees to harvest them. Spike got to hangout with Apple Bloom and the cutie mark crusaders, Apple Bloom’s little friend group/club, which he was all too happy to do, since that meant he got out of having to help me harvest apples. “Fucker…” I grumbled as I stepped away from the first five trees. How the hell do you manage to do this all day, almost everyday, after the break of dawn to sundown?” I grunted as I started stretching my newly aching legs. Apple Jack sat on her rear beside me. “Hey, don’t sweat not bein’ able to keep up. Most of the unicorns that help out end up not being able to do more than a few trees at a time. Twilight can get through a full day, but only with the use of her fancy endurance and strength spells. If you’ve gotta use those, that’s fine; just make sure yer actually using your hooves to harvest apples. We Apples pride ourselves on being able to do this all day, so don’t feel too bad if you can’t keep up, even with the use of some magic.” “I can transport filled baskets onto a wagon and possibly pull it; I can at least do that.” “Mmm that could work. Let’s try it!” Meanwhile… Apple Jack walked into the barn, where there were a bunch of mares. “Aight everypony, y’all paid your bits for the show?” She asked. “Yeah!” The group of mares chorused. “Alright, Twilight, go ahead and start the spell.” Somebody's watching me. I don’t know who, I don’t know why, but somebody’s using an Eye Spy spell on me while I kicked trees and moved the filled baskets onto the wagon I was provided with. I used magic to keep my bones from breaking after kicking enough trees, but that was it. I wasn’t using any magic to help me buck some apple trees. While my horn was lit up, from Levitation, I quickly did a diagnosis spell. While I was tugging along, I swore I coulda see Big Mac in the distance, kicking trees just as I was. After my diagnostic spell was complete, I ran my own Eye Spy on the magical signature I had picked up to… see a room full of mares. Some of which had popcorn… Wait, why were there a bunch of mares in the barn? Two more walked in and hoofed over some bits to Apple Jack… There were other Eye Spy spells, all of which had Twilight’s signature all over them… Apple Jack found a way to make… porn I guess. And I suppose she and Twilight split the bits they made? Noticeably, Rainbow, Rarity and… Celestia was staring at the Eye Spy window that showed me. Even Apple Jack sometimes glanced over at it! Nobody else was watching me, since they were either all watching Big Mac, or some of the more attractive stallions as they worked, but the point still stands. I was basically live porn, so I figured ‘fuck it’ and purposely dropped an apple or two. I bent over for the ‘camera’ and picked the apple up, eyed it, and split it open… Oh, that had worms in it anyways. I started running diagnostic spells on each apple after I kicked them into the buckets, and removed the fucked up ones, which surprisingly, there weren’t that many of. After an hour or two, I casted an Eye Spy spell again. “I think Source Code is onto us,” Twilight whispered. "I saw him run a diagnostic spell, and if he can pick up on where a Teleported item came from, I think he’ll figure out what’s going on pretty quickly…” “Do you really care though?” Apple Jack whispered back. Twilight shrugged. “I mean, his magical signature is a pleasant color, his mane and coat are really nice, even if his mane and tail are kinda messy. Seeing him go at it is nice… However, he and Celestia’s consort and-” “Yo!” I shouted. “I sure am glad Celly ain’t around to watch me shake me arse when I’m bending over to inspect these apples!” I picked one up, took a bite out of it, and looked the Eye Spy in the eye, before slowly licking it. I could see Celestia blushing up a storm, and every mare in the room once they figured out that I knew what was going on. I slowly went back to work, slightly annoyed that I was basically being used as a very primitive version of porn hub, but then again… That gave me an idea. I could use crystals with Eye Spy to bring television to Equestria. That could be really fun. You know, this probably wasn’t a horrible thing to happen after all! Now I know how to possibly make money in the world, and it’s all because I am being used to sell my… I guess my butt? Yeah, I’m forcefully selling a moving image of my butt to a bunch of mares, who were now all staring at my screen long after the escapade. I was a good sport, and tried to put on a good sport, namely for Celly, but that was it. Luna was watching Big Mac, very intently, before grabbing Apple Jack to try and figure out more about the poor bastard. Big Mac’s gonna have a stroke if he finds out that an alicorn finds him attractive, and wants him as a consort.  I stumbled into the bathtub in Canterlot Castle. I ended up kicking trees and moving baskets with my magic at the same time. Everything hurts. My horn was aching, I had a headache, my hindlegs hurt, my forelegs hurt. I got covered in dirt, and worst of all? Apparently that was fucking planned! Twilight had set up a soundproof, one-way bubble for her and several other mares to watch! Like several stallions, who wanted an extra bunch of bits, and Big Mac since he was supposed to be working, were actually all brought onto the farm to help out! Luna, Twilight, each of her friends(Apple Jack left to go run the apple stand for the day apparently), and even Celly was there! Celly obviously kept her eyes on me, while Luna apparently really liked how Big Mac looked. Celestia’s maids had gone and gotten the bath ready, which was more like a really fancy, indoor swimming pool. The floor was made out of colored granite, white granite to match the rest of the castle. There was a statue of a male alicorn ‘spitting’ water into it, and there was even a full on filter system, as archaic as it may look. I slowly sunk down into the water when Celestia finally followed me in. Yes, she stopped to watch my hips sway slightly as I walked. “Oh… man I needed this… Curse you for actually…” “Wanting to watch you work your hind quarters? Or your apparent multitasking? Watching you pull that wagon everytime you filled it with apple baskets was very nice,” Celestia hummed as she removed her regalia and stepped in. “If you weren’t aching all over, I would take you to bed the moment you are dry so that we can have some fun.” “...You could just lick the inside of my ears and help me relax. My ass feels like it’s broken.” “Perhaps you would like a day of seeing me buck apples… or perhaps… Luna?”  “Uh…” My marefriend giggled. “Perish the thought! I know you and Luna are just really good friends, even if I will say that more stallions nowadays would probably find her attractive. If you chose to start a herd and you invited Luna, I would not be opposed to the idea; there is a law that says we can share consorts, after all. It wouldn’t be the first time that by law, myself and Luna were wives, either.” “...Pony relationships are weird.” “They’re actually quite straight forward,” Celestia’s wings spread out on their own and started floating in the water. “Well, it is for me, but only because I was born as a pony, and have been alive for so long. Essentially, as long as all parties consent, you may sleep with or marry anypony you’d like. For instance, if I, Luna, and you approved, we all would be in a herd. Though we wouldn’t sleep together because sleeping with your sister is strange. Or a better example, you, me and Big Mac, or you, me and Apple Jack were all fine with it, we could all marry right this instance and form a herd.” “That is still so weird to me. I’ll just stick to dating you and only you. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to love multiple wives equally, and I would feel like an asshat for not being able to. Speaking of…” I doggy paddled over to Celestia so that I had easier access to her wings. “Whaddya say we get married at some point? Maybe sometime this year? Perhaps I can publicly propose to you at the Gala?” I asked before attempting to preen her wings. I may not know how to preen wings, but I did do some research, and I kind of get the why as for why you’d preen another pony’s wings. For one thing, it’s a form of affection, and it feels really good to the winged pony you preen. On top of that, if you don’t have wings and know how to preen them anyways, it’s super impressive.  “Mmm… That feels rather nice,” Celestia hummed some more. “Wait…” My marefriend moved her wings out of the way. “You want to get married?” “Yeah.” “To me?” “Of course, who else?” “And you want to properly propose to me at the Gala?” “Yeah.” “...Oh my bucking Sun…” Celestia immediately scooped me up in her forelegs. “YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!” I think if we weren’t in the bathtub, she would start prancing in place.  “Celly… I can’t breathe!” “Sorry!” Celestia put me down and started nuzzling me. “We will have to plan the wedding out some time after my niece’s wedding. I wouldn’t want her special day to be overshadowed by mine, do we?” “No, that wouldn’t be fair to Cadance… I’m gonna have to spend more time with her. We’ve only hung out once, and Cadance did seem like a nice pony after she realized that I do, in fact, love you.” “I will schedule a day for you two to spend the day together… However, we are making sure you have a really nice suit, and that I have a very pretty dress for when you propose to me at the Gala… Perhaps Luna would like to pick up one duty, mostly as a favor, and greet the nobles as they come up to the Gala, so that the two of us may share a dance? Perhaps make an announcement… You will be able to handle being the center of attention, correct?” “If I go in, knowing that I’ll be the center of attention, I’ll be embarrassed, and a little scared, but I won’t have a fun panic attack like when we got dropped right into a shitload of reporters. At least with this, I can mentally prepare for it.” Celestia nodded before taking us both out of the bath, after she dried us both off with a spell. “Now, off to bed, I owe you some ear grooming, and you are going to preen my wings, you little surprise-filled ball of fluff.” I nodded along like an idiot before being dragged off to bed with the most wonderful mare in the world.