The easy part was sending Tirek back up the tubes. One blast of the gadget set to "MAX IMPACT" straight to his chest and he was off to the land of the horse once more.
The hard part was trying to figure out the best way to get Odd Squad's Tailoring department to make her a whole new outfit, because the seams were beginning to pop.
Half of her skirt was lightly scorched, as were parts of her jacket and shirt. Several stray hairs had begun to loosen themselves from her bun. Sweat was dripping down her face, which was a look she did not want going on her lucky cube.
All this, after just three fights? Where only one of them actually had anything of merit happen? She really was getting rusty. And of course, that wouldn't stand. But it wasn't like she could go after some agent's head just because they lacked competency in one area of oddness-solving expertise, or couldn't do something as simple as multiply 10 by 10. That was what these villains were for. They lacked competency in doing bad deeds, in a way that lacked all the charm of the similarly-incompetent villains she knew. She could take out all her grievances on them, without repercussions.
Her mouth opened as she wondered if she should try for O'Malley again, then closed it as she realized that he had probably made the process automatic. Just another stalling tactic. Whatever he was doing, he was hiding something from her, and as soon as she had beaten every last villain who invaded on her righteous territory, she would lay a verbal smackdown on him.
Just as she was scheming of ways she could punish her agent, another spherical pod was sent down Tube 2, signaling a new arrival. This villain was pitch-black in color, but had blue-green hair...and also had a lot of holes, none of which were leaking blood or any liquid equivalent.
"Oh. A villain who specializes in moldy Swiss cheese." Oprah smirked. "Now that's more my style."
With a whirring sound, a tall, lanky body tumbled out and landed on the ground, all four legs splayed in a rather unceremonious fashion. The body's owner stood up slowly, and Oprah realized that she...wasn't nearly as tall as she thought she would be.
The Director decided to go with "State your name and business," just to spice things up.
"Queen Chrysalis." her newest opponent spat. "What, exactly, am I doing here in this wretched place?"
"Surprised your first question isn't where this 'wretched place' is." Oprah quipped, deciding to set aside the fact that this villain also apparently had a title. "To answer that question, you're in Odd Squad. Precinct 13579. My precinct."
Chrysalis simply tilted her head slightly, as though waiting for Oprah to elaborate.
"As for what you're doing here, you were sent here from Equestria."
"By who?"
Oprah was almost tempted to sell O'Malley out. Almost. Knowing that his only reliable weapon was a sword, though, and knowing she had personal standards, made that idea go right into the trash bin. "By me. See, I've been itching for a good fight. None of your fellow villains have given me much, aside from Lord Tirek." Her shoulders rolled. "Maybe you can provide me with something?"
"Pah." With a bright green vertical flash of magic, Chrysalis took on the shape of the girl herself. "Does this answer your question?"
Ah. A shapeshifter. Oprah knew that power well. Namely because there was a villain in Odd Squad's rogues gallery who was literally named Shapeshifter. And because it wasn't the first time a villain had turned into Precinct 13579's Director. Unlike the Shapeshifter, though, Chrysalis's take on Oprah was...less than stellar, which didn't matter much as long as the power level was the same. If that was the case, then Oprah could have a decent fight with...herself.
Weird how the Shapeshifter never tried that, now that she thought about it.
"You're from Equestria, and you can shapeshift into humans?" she asked.
Chrysalis blinked. "Into...what?"
"Humans. I'm a hu- honestly, for a world full of horses, you don't have one human?" Oprah rolled her eyes. "I'm getting tired of explaining my species to all of you. At least some just accepted it and didn't even ask."
"I can transform into anything I see!"
"Yeah. You saw me for only a minute and transformed into...that."
Chrysalis hissed, exposing her forked tongue which looked weird coming from a human girl. "You said you wanted to fight. Why do you care about what I look like? Are you so pathetic you have to resort to cheap shots?"
Oprah's brow furrowed. "I don't think that term means what you think it means." she said, not bothering to fight the smug aura that squirmed its way into her voice. "But I know shapeshifters. One of Odd Squad's villains is a shapeshifter. And she managed to imitate me better than you did." She bit her lip as an uncomfortable memory surged forth. "Except the stranger-danger thing. That required a restraining order."
Chrysalis didn't say anything, because her confused expression did all the talking.
"...Can you change into something else?"
With a groan and another green pillar of light, Chrysalis changed back into her regular form. "You do know my entire thing is shapeshifting, right?"
"Well, unless you've seen any other humans you can shapeshift into..." Oprah gave a halfhearted shrug.
And then it hit her like a lightning bolt made of metal.
She could tear into O'Malley verbally, but fighting him physically was out of the question. Chrysalis could transform into O'Malley, if she had something to use as a reference. And if Oprah beat up a villain who looked like O'Malley, then shipped them back to Equestria...
A sickening grin spread across her face. Reaching behind her back and digging around, she began muttering to herself. A few moments later, she pulled out a manila folder and opened it, revealing the full-body shot of one of her precinct's tube operators.
Chrysalis leaned forward and squinted. "What is this?"
"O'Malley, one of my agents. Transform into him."
"One of your...huh?"
"I'm not explaining. You know what he looks like. Now transform."
Chrysalis didn't move. To Oprah, it looked like she was trying to antagonize her with facial expressions.
"Don't underestimate me."
With an angry hoofstomp, Chrysalis transformed into the boy that she had been shown.
Oprah nodded, tucking away the folder in her hammerspace spine. "Much better."
"This is humiliating." Chrysalis grumbled. "I am a queen. I should be forming my own hive, with you in it. Instead I'm..." A shudder washed over her body. "...serving under another queen as a runt."
"I don't care whether you're a queen or not. As long as I can punch, kick, and stand a winner by the end of it all." The grin found its way back onto Oprah's face, looking more manic than anything else. "So stop complaining and let's go."
"And if you lose, will you-"
A kick to the windpipe stopped Chrysalis from finishing her sentence, and made her de-transform in the process. The bug coughed and spluttered, clutching a hoof to her throat as she scrabbled for any semblance of speech.
"Will I what?" Oprah quirked an eyebrow. "Will I become part of your 'hive' or whatever? Sorry, but I've already got one. Where I'm the queen."
Chrysalis coughed a few times, massaged her throat, and glared daggers at Oprah as her crooked horn began to glow. "Nonsense! You're no queen! Do your subjects even feed off of the love of others?" She scoffed. "Oh, who am I kidding? Your kind probably eats changelings."
"Ew, no." Oprah's nose wrinkled like a bunched-up wad of aluminum foil, which wasn't anatomically possible anywhere else but in the good old Oddverse. "I'm an omnivore, but bugs are more of an apocalyptic, world-ending-need-food meal than anything else." Her brown eyes scanned Chrysalis up and down. "Besides, I hate Swiss cheese."
The last comment got Chrysalis's lips to peel back and expose her teeth, the glow on her horn growing more intense. "Don't you dare!" she snarled. "I am sick and tired of hearing that sad excuse for a joke every time those smooth-brained ponies look at my true form. Say it again, and I'll make sure to make you one of the best meals I've had in a long time."
A small bit of bile came through Oprah's esophagus and made her tongue its personal landing pad. "Ugh..." She swallowed, in a futile attempt to stop herself from spewing juice and bile all over the place. "You talk about me eating...changelings." The word didn't feel familiar to her, and she had to take a moment to remind herself to do some research on the interwebs later. "Look at yourself, talking about eating me. Not sure what it's called in your world, but here we call it 'hypocrisy'."
Chrysalis rolled her eyes. "I don't eat you. I eat your love."
"My love? My love for what?"
The next thing Oprah knew, a bright green blast of magic was sending her careening towards the wall, right next to the hole Tirek had left. Her back hit it quite hard, and her coccyx felt something similar once it met ground.
Chrysalis worked fast. Before Oprah could stand on her own two feet, the changeling chiefaroni had already wrapped her upside-down body halfway in a cocoon. She could feel the blood rushing to her head, and the bile she had pushed down before threaten to crawl back up and resolve things on its own.
"Just a little more..."
"Don't stroke my chin."
The more the cocoon became wrapped around Oprah, the more she realized that she needed to get out before it encased her face. She was lucky she had picked a precinct with low ceilings, so the fall wasn't as long as she thought it would be. At the same time, though, she was upside down, and anatomical liberties didn't really apply when it came to cracked skulls.
She craned her head to look at her binds as best she could, and it was then that curiosity took over. If blobs tasted like lemons -- something Odd Todd had so carelessly demonstrated when he had eaten one and nearly died from intensive bowel-emptying -- then what did the stuff Chrysalis used to make her cocoons taste like?
...Okay, it was probably disgusting. But Oprah wasn't really seeing any other way. She had already tried breaking out using raw strength, and no dice were even offered for her to make a chance roll.
Hoisting up her body, she took a bite, Chrysalis stopping to watch. It was a familiar sensation, almost gummy-like in nature. And it tasted like green apple.
"You make your cocoons out of the same material used for fruit gummies?"
Chrysalis blinked. "What?"
"This tastes..." Oprah took a moment to swallow. "This tastes like an apple gummy. You probably don't have them in Equestria. Probably never even heard of them what with your diet." She tried to pry her hand free so she could continue eating, but resorted to just pulling her body up to take another bite. "But they're really good."
Stammering was the only response Chrysalis seemed to give, which only increased in desperation levels when she witnessed Oprah craning her neck to impossible degrees just to eat her confinement.
"That comes from my insides, you idiot!" the holey changeling screeched. "Why are you eating it?!"
"I had one of my agents eat a blob once. Said it tasted lemony. Really unfortunate he got a bout of diarrhea that lasted all the way until his hospitalization." Oprah wriggled. "But this isn't too bad, for something that came from your gut."
Chrysalis held a hoof to her mouth. Whether it was in shock or disgust, Oprah didn't know, and she didn't care.
"Ah, wait, I'm being freed!" Oprah's hand flew out of the cocoon, and she wiggled her fingers.
"Stop eating my cocoon!" Chrysalis thrust her other hoof at the girl. "Nopony has ever tried to eat their way out of..." She trailed off as her eyes slowly moved upwards, stopping at her capture's sneakers.
Slowly but surely, Oprah was sliding out.
All it took was furious wriggling for the speed to be cranked up by at least five notches.
In a flash, Chrysalis found her neck being squeezed by a free hand. Hacking did next to nothing besides make her look desperate.
"They say Raid kills bugs dead."
Everything aside from the scleras shrunk. A forked tongue shot out subconsciously, nearly whacking the girl in the face, but she simply freed her other hand and curled her fingers up into a tight fist.
"Who do you think has stock in the company that owns it?"
The vote for a chocolate cake had been next to unanimous. After Otto's food poisoning, everyone had resolved to just pick a flavor and be done with it. An agreement was made with Polly Graph to frost it pink, as payment for her services.
The next part was, naturally, what gift Oprah should get. Individual gifts were certainly an option, but there had been a precinct money pool going two weeks earlier and it was a good excuse to get some financial lessons in. Which all became moot when Oscar revealed he had a Gift-inator that could just conjure up any gift into existence and everyone thanked the many advancements in technology that led them to this point.
"Why does finding a gift for Ms. O have to be so hard?" Oren lamented.
Olive fixed him with a half-lidded stare. She said nothing in response, because arguing with Oren didn't even bear so much as a leaf, let alone any fruit.
"Well, if it helps..." Polly presented an easel with a list of two options. "I've narrowed it down. We can either get her a bike, or we can get her a trampoline."
Oscar's brows furrowed. "How did you decide on those two things?"
"It wasn't easy. I've spent years crafting a list that currently has over three hundred items." Polly explained. "If you'd like, I can fax it over to you for future reference."
"Ooh, really?"
"For a price."
Olaf howled.
"$10. In Jackalope Dollars, not Canadian ones."
As Oren looked from his partner to Polly and wondered how she could understand him, O'Malley spoke up. "But I thought your payment was in pink things?"
"I can't make a living off of pink things, O'Malley. Pink is not a currency." Polly huffed. "Thus, I need money. Oprah can pay me when the party is over. Capeesh?" She clapped her hands together, not bothering to wait for a response. "All right! So, everyone should still have their pens. And here are your papers."
With a simple flick of her wrist, small square pieces of paper dyed in pink were sent flying towards the crowd and caught neatly in varying pairs of hands.
"Now go vote. And make sure your writing is legible this time."