//------------------------------// // 5. Knee Deep in Problems // Story: Outsiders // by JeSuisLaPorte //------------------------------// Ah, a good night’s rest. I never imagined my first night would go so well, and I’m thankful for that. Um, minus the minor indigestion. Shockers, eating a crap ton of cupcakes turned out to have been a bad idea.  I felt even more ready to tackle on this challenge that was returning home to humanity. Lucky Clover was quite the morning person, already awake by the time I left his bedroom. Apparently, he slept in the basement, weird. Unless he had another bed there, I don’t know. I’m not comfortable going down a person’s basement even if he’s now my only human friend in this fantasy make believe world.  “We’re going to get a map.” Lucky Clover told me.  “You, uh, didn’t get one already?” How long as he even been there? I’d have thought of getting a map of this world rather quickly. Like, at least 2 days after I got here levels of quick. It just seemed like a no brainer to me.  Lucky Clover shook his head. “No, I avoided the library entirely. And for good reasons. Twilight could surely see right through me, but she didn’t with you and that, I’m happy for. You can go back to the Golden Oak library to ask her for a map of Equestria. We should find our home somewhere on there.”  “Oh, is there like a secret passage we can take?” And was Equestria this close to Earth? I don’t see how we can travel on foot back to civilisation. Then again, I’m not the expert, he is.  Lucky held a hoof to his chin. “That would help greatly. It depends on what we can find.”  Welp, looks like it’s back to the library. It’s a good thing Lucky is even here in the first place. I don’t tend to do great when I’m on my own. To have somebody I can count on is a nice thing. “So, is there like a way to avoid arousing her suspicion or do I really look that inconspicuous?”  Lucky Clover blinked, analysing me from top to bottom. “You have the perfect appearance for the job. Even your tone is perfect. You trot the tight rope between average and special. Just enough to arouse no suspicions whatsoever.” A half compliment, huh? I don’t know whether I should gladly take it or be offended by it. I think I’ll refrain from commenting on it.  “Oh, so I’m a great double agent then? Never thought I would be cut for the job.”  My good friend smiled. “I’m lucky to have a friend like you in here.” Good luck seems like your talent. It is your cutie mark after all. Maybe that merchant sent me here just to help out a fellow human. Should have been someone else, that would have been nice. Urgh, I miss my TV and computer. “Oh, and one last thing; be careful near the rainbow maned pegasus. They call her Rainbow Dash. I saw a Rainboom go off. A bad omen for us.”  “Well, I’ll be on my way... after breakfast, of course.”  “Before you return to the library, you might want to have your book in possession.”  Oh, almost forgot about that.      My friend is blessed with good luck, but unfortunately, I am not. Inside the Golden Oak, there is more than one pony waiting for me. Twilight Sparkle was there as expected, but with her is a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail. That’s without a doubt Rainbow Dash. Quite an interesting look but her presence alone is bothering me. I’m on a mission to get a map and she’s going to get in the way. I can feel it.  “Hey, you’re the new stallion in town!” The rainbow pegasus flew to me with great speed. One second she was near Twilight, the next, right in front of me. “Didn’t see you at that welcome party though...”  “Uh, yeah, that’s ‘cause I bailed.” Oh, what the fuck did I just say. It’s not giving off a good impression. And they say first impressions matters most.  “Uh, what? You BAILED from one of Pinkie Pie’s parties?!” Rainbow Dash screamed in my face, looking like her eyes were about to jump out of their orbit.  “M-My bad! I misworded it! What I mean to say was I felt sleepy and just went to a friend’s house to spend the night. I didn’t bail, I think.” That did the trick. The rainbow pegasus didn’t look too happy, but was willing to let it pass. Phew!  Twilight approached us. “I hope you’ve enjoyed the party while you were there. I liked it.”  “Yeah, the food was simply amazing. I got to chat with some friends and, um, enjoyed some of the games.” That last one was a lie. You probably know that considering you’ve been listening to my every thought. You, who’s existence I can’t prove but is probably just a delusion I’ve conjured up to make sense of this situation. My life’s a bad joke, and also an awkward comedy. Kinda sad to think about.  Rainbow Dash here pouted. “Meh, you should have stayed a little longer; you missed the best part!”  “Which was?”  “My awesome welcome party Sonic Rainboom!” Rainboom? That must be what Lucky Clover mentioned earlier this morning. I suppose that’s another useless thing he got worked up over. Then again, I wasn’t awake to see it happen. Must have been terrifying to have shaken up this bossy guy.  “Darn, sounds kinda cool.”  Now I’m getting on Rainbow’s good side for her mood immediately shifted. “Heck yeah it is!” So, basically, compliments go a long way for her. Easy peasy. “The whole town clopped their hooves for me! I was the star of the show.”  Twilight rolled her eyes. “Don’t let this get over to your head, Dash.”  Rainbow wrapped a hoof around my neck, a bragging look on her face. “Maybe I should make another one, you know, so that you can witness my awesomeness in action?”  That didn’t fly well with Twilight, however. “Rainbow, don’t. You’ll just scare everypony.”  Rainbow Dash grunted. “One day you’ll see. One day...” Her eyes laid on my wings. “Oh, and would you look at that. You’re a pegasus too. Awesome, I can show you a few of my tricks, minus the Rainboom of course.” She winked. Oh dear Lord she winked. I don’t know if I should be excited or worried to see that in action.  “Hm, one day I won’t be looking forward to.” I, of course, muttered that under my breath. Didn’t want her to hear that.  Twilight trotted to me, jovial as always. “Well, what brings you to the Golden Oak? “ she gasped, her face lighting up. “Have you already finished the book I gave you yesterday? Gosh, it’s been a while since I’ve seen a pony so interested in reading AND learning!”  “Uh... yeah. Here it is.” I handed (or hoofed?) the book to Twilight Sparkle. “I also came back here for something a bit different.”  The lavender unicorn levitated the book and stored it without even looking. She must really be into her job, that’s quite nice actually. I’ve heard far too many people complain about their job. To see somebody or somepony who thoroughly enjoys it is refreshing. “Tell me what you need, and I’ll get it, no problem!”  “Then, can I get a map of Equestria? I’m looking forward to travel somewhere else in a couple of days.”  Twilight seemed a bit sad to hear I was leaving so soon but nonetheless fetched me what I asked, once again by levitating. She kept her eyes on me and brought the map. I’ve never seen a librarian this dedicated to her job. Then again, I suppose this place doubles as a house for her, which is quite strange. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen somebody living inside their store or library before. This world keeps on surprising me.  “Here it is. Wherever you’re going, I hope you’ll have a nice and safe travel.” Twilight said nicely.  Seriously, there doesn’t appear to be a single bad person here, but that’s surely not the case. Still, they show their kindness more overtly than we do and that’s refreshing. It almost makes me want to stay here a little longer. Hm... seems like I’m getting a little bit attached to this town, especially Lyra. Never had a friend this jovial on Earth. In fact, I barely have any friend of the opposite gender. Then again, you can count the number of true friends I have on your fingers, even on your hooves.      Lucky and I met at the park to take a close look at the map, hoping to find something useful on it. I didn’t know what I was supposed to look for, but Lucky seemed sure, so I simply let him examine it while I waited.   I noticed he was squinting, looking at the littlest of details. Then, his eyes went to the borders, seemingly trying to find something. Maybe our path home simply wasn’t in Equestria then? Anything is possible at that point, so I fear we may have to basically go on a long adventure to find a portal thingy to get us back to Earth.  Lucky Clover groaned some more as it became rather evident, he wasn’t finding what he wanted. “Can’t find it?”  “Unfortunately, no. It would appear the way home isn’t shown on this map. I can understand why, there’s very little reasons for ponies to come find us.” I can see why, Earth isn’t really at its best right now. If these ponies saw what we did to our planet, they’d have a heart attack. A Sheer Heart Attack. Hey, come to think of it. What do they have in the way of music?  Do they have famous musicians, celebrities around the globe like we do? I noticed a radio inside Lucky’s home so I believe they do. This society is just plain weird. Their technology is all over the place. They have fridges, but no electricity. They have trains too, but basic carriages instead of old 1920’s looking cars. Makes me wonder if they have any sort of more technologically advanced instruments like synths. Hm, probably not.  Lucky Clover closed the map, looking rather frustrated. “It’s no use. We’ll have to find our way through other means without drawing suspicion to us.”  As to be expected... “It’s never that easy, huh?”  My friend shook his head. “It’s only easy when you don’t need it. Life throws the biggest hurdles in time of need. It’s a test to prove our resolve. They won’t let us back in if we’re weak. We’ll prove our strength to them.”  Gee, he sounds rather corny at times. I’m half expecting him to recite the entire Navy Seals copypasta. Next, he’ll tell me he has over 300 confirmed kills with a knife or something.  Hold up, I saw something in the sky! A rainbow trial zipping around at the speed of sound. Oh, Rainbow Dash. Most likely here to keep her word, or wink in that case. Lucky Clover immediately went on the defensive, keeping his sharp gaze on her as she descended like a rocket.  “Sup, new guy. Finally getting some fresh air? I knew you wanted to see my super awesome Sonic Rainboom!” Rainbow Dash announced with such confidence. Everything about her from her posture to tone screamed “I’m awesome, look at me”. I’ll be honest, I don’t like these types of people, ponies. Nobody likes a show-off and I sure ain’t the exception. Then again, Lucky’s stance tells me she’s high on the danger chart, probably even higher than Twilight.  “Uh, yeah, sorta. I like to hang around this park.”  “It’s a nice view, isn’t it? But nothing will ever be as nice as what you’re about to see.” Rainbow Dash continued, bordering on the verge of gloating. I noticed Lucky Clover didn’t want me to entertain her any longer.  “Are you really sure you should do this? I mean, I’m just one pony and kind of a nobody. Plus, it sounded like you could scare a lot of ponies with your, um... Rainboom.”  Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Oh, Twilight? She’s just an egghead. Ponies won’t freak out about a Rainboom. It’s like, totally the coolest thing they’ll ever see! Everypony loves it when I do a Sonic Rainboom. You’ll love it too if you give me a chance.” She flew over quickly to me, placing a hoof around my shoulder. “So, whacha say we go somewhere a bit more private if you’re that worried about scaring other ponies?”  “We’re a bit busy right now. You should come back another time, we were in the middle of something as you can see.” Thank goodness Lucky Clover has my back! Rainbow Dash’s brash nature scares me a bit. She will kick my ass if she finds something off with me, and I believe I may have already screwed up in only two sentences. I’m still getting used to this body so if I’m in any danger, my chances of survival are slim. Even thinner than a piece of paper.  “Yeah, exactly. We were planning out a trip as you can see with this map.” I said as I grabbed the map using my fetlock. It felt the most natural to me, albeit being a bit uncomfortable. Being a pony in a human looking society kinda sucked. Makes me wonder how they can even build anything... Oh yeah, unicorns exist.  “Oh come on, it’ll only be for like five minutes! Everypony can spare a little five minutes in their day!” Rainbow Dash persisted. At this point, it sounded less like she wanted to please me and more like she wanted to get some attention. Not too far off from how people act on social medias now that I think about it. It’s all for clout, for Internet brownie point. The harsh reality is, nobody really cares. They’ll see it and move on with their day.   As a (supposed) writer, I feel like the worst thing you can ever do is to not leave an impression with your work. Even if it's bad, to know somebody at least felt something while reading it is good enough for me. Where was I again? Oh yeah, my response. “I-” How can I say that without sounding like an asshole? I mean, what kind of counter argument can I throw her way to discourage her without being outright mean?  “Hm, fine. If you leave us to discuss our future travel in peace, then we will watch your Sonic Rainboom.” What? Lucky, you just...  “Awesome! You won’t be disappointed, Hack!” Ugh...  So, while we were walking to a more relaxed spot, I calmly asked Lucky why he just pulled a 180 on me. “It would be suspicious if we adamantly refused her like that. We’ll try to appear as normal as possible and leave as soon as she’s done. Got it?”  “Sure thing. You’re the boss here.”  Arriving at the discreet location, Rainbow Dash gave us little time to brace ourselves for the Sonic Rainboom. Judging by its name, I’m guessing she’ll somehow fly fast enough to break the sound barrier. Heh, a pony flying at supersonic speeds, now that’s something I’d like to see. If only I had some popcorn with me, it’ll make the show more enjoyable.  “Don’t get startled when it happens, otherwise you might accidentally reveal yourself to her.” Oh? What, I can just turn back into a human if I’m sca-  Woah! Holy fucking shit! Did you see that?  ...  Oh, m-my apology. You can’t see shit, can’t you? Right... So basically, I got a first-row seat to seeing what a Sonic Rainboom actually is. I thought it would be something like seeing a jet breaking the sound barrier but nope. Rainbow Dash truly lived up to her name. She broke the sound barrier, and it created a massive rainbow ring that lit up the sky for a few seconds. That... was actually pretty awesome, I will admit. Rare for me to be wowed by a rainbow.  Rainbow Dash came down after a few more seconds of showing off. You know what they say, nobody likes a show-off... unless what they’re showing is dope as fuck. Thankfully, Rainbow’s a good show-off. I wanted to applaud her performance, but I can’t really clap my hooves without falling face first on the grass.  “So? Are you totally impressed by my super awesome Sonic Rainboom? Betcha never saw something that cool before.” Hate to admit it, but she’s right. Not a single spectacle here on Earth can compare to seeing a pony fly at the speed of sound and creating a giant rainbow explosion. It’s so much better when you’re there to feel it too.  “Yeah, it was really cool. I don’t suppose you must be a great flyer.” I responded, keeping my excitement in check.  “I’m not just a great flyer, I’m the best in all Equestria. Even the Wonderbolts recognised just how cool I am and that I’m totally fit to join their awesome team one day.” Rainbow Dash flexed some more on us, showcasing her powerful wings. She was a living tiny rocket.  But then, Lucky Clover made sure we didn’t go off track. “You were great, Rainbow Dash. But now that it’s over, we’d like to go back to our preparations for our future travel.” Truly helpful, but a part of me wished I could remain here to see what else a pegasus can do. After all, if she can do it, then so can I... with enough practice of course. I’d very much like to know what it’s like to soar proud and high, to be no longer afraid of heights.  “Oh, r-right...” Rainbow Dash closed her wings, looking disappointed to lose her audience so soon. I’m starting to see some underlying issues with this mare. Maybe she isn’t as dangerous as Lucky cracked her up to be. I just see somebody who constantly needs praise and attention to keep their self-worth in a good position. Those kinds of people always crumble at the slightest of setback and criticism. Still, we just praised her, so we’re not leaving with any remorse.  “Well, I’ll go wander around Ponyville. If you ever wanna see more awesome tricks, you know the pony to go to!” And just like a rocket, she departed in a matter of seconds, leaving a rainbow trail behind her.  “It would appear their mistrust is waning. That’s a good thing for us. We’ll be able to move and ask around more freely.” Lucky Clover said in a determined tone, stretching his wings. “In any case, we’ll go back to our bench by flying. That should warm up your wings. Remember; practice makes perfect. Keep working your flappers and you’ll be as good as me in no time.”  Aaaannd now I’m back to being bossed around by my only human friend. I kinda hate to be the newbie here, but I’m still grateful that he is even here. Without him, I’d be lost as shit and probably dead or rotting inside a gloomy dungeon.  Hm, come to think of it. My prose is surprisingly better than I expected. Sure, I’m crude to an extent but I can conjure up some nice sounding sentences. That got me thinking, just in case things don’t turn out alright for us, I could have a sort of contingency plan. I can write an essay of sort on my true nature, to prove to these ponies that we are in no way affiliated to the crimes our kind have committed against them. We’re just innocent bystanders caught up in a delicate situation. That’s actually a great idea. It could save our asses in time of need.  Anyway, I practiced my little flappers and got back to the bench. Lucky and I took a good look at the map one last time before concluding that our best bet right now would be to find a safer city than Ponyville. Lucky claims that there is a powerful and dangerous magic close to the town that could be very bad for us. He suggested Baltimare but fuck that! I’m not going to the pony equivalent of Baltimore! Manehattan maybe? Bleh, we ultimately chose to stick to Appleloosa, a small town of rednecks that won’t have their sights on any imposters.  Still, I’m not really sure if I want to go. I’m getting familiar to Ponyville and that place seems really nice. I mean, I have a pony friend there who will vouch for me if things go bad. Plus, what guarantees we’ll find a hint in that crummy looking town? Now I’m not dogging on rednecks or anything. Don’t take my words the wrong way. Our travel was scheduled for a few days later, just enough for us to gather important information before our departure.  In the meantime, I decided to find a nice tree, far away from town to rest against. Looking up, I noticed it was an apple tree. In fact, I appeared to have found a whole orchard of apple trees. Nothing but apples and leaves in sight. It’s quite peaceful actually. Nothing but the gentle summer breeze and the distant chipping of birds.  I need some time to gather my thoughts. There was no better place than this, truly.  I laid there for a couple of minutes, enjoying the serenity of this land. But as I would soon come to realise, tranquility never last long enough. Something kicked the tree on the opposite side, startling me awake. Turning around in shock, I saw a familiar orange mare peeking from the other side. It was the apple mare! Probably should learn her name.  “Uh, whatcha doin’ ‘ere?” She asked, perplexed.  “I was just taking a nap against this tree. You woke me up.” My grumpy ass answered.  The apple mare raised an eyebrow, a bad omen. “Ya know ya could’ve simply found a cloud instead. Might be more comfortable for a pegasus. Plus, ya do realise this is ta Apple family orchard, right?”  Oh, oops. “Sorry, I didn’t know this was yours. I was tired and wanted to find a quick place to rest, so I settled for this tree.” Note to self; take naps and relax on a cloud next time, though I’m not sure this is entirely safe. I’m fairly certain I roll around in bed when I’m asleep. I’d probably fall off a cloud and fucking die if I do that...  “It’s fine. Many still come ‘ere to relax. It’s only really a problem when Ah ‘ave to work in ta orchard. Hey, aren’t ya ta new stallion in town? Ya know, ta one who had a welcome party yesterday?” The apple mare asked me.  “Oh, yeah, that would be me indeed. I’m Hack Writer, as you can probably guess by my unflattering cutie mark.”  The mare tipped her cowboy hat. “And Ah’m Applejack. Ah work on Sweet Apple Acre pretty much all day. If yer ever cravin’ for apples, ya know where to come!”  Applejack... according to dear old Lucky Clover, this pony is part of the dangerous 6 as he calls them. Six mares who are responsible for getting him in this tight spot. I probably shouldn’t stick around Sweet Apple Acre. Guess it’s another area I can cross off Ponyville.  “Oh, and beg pardon if Ah’m botherin’ ya. Ah just heard a lotta strange stuff ‘bout ya, which got me a lil curious.”  Okay, she’s onto me! “A-And what kind of things did you hear about me?”  Applejack scratched her chin. “Well let’s see, there was ta whole beggin’ on ta streets thing. Don’t know why ya came to Ponyville without any bits on ya, that seems like a mighty oversight on yer part. Then there’s ta fact many ponies saw ya struggle to fly as a fully grown stallion among other things...”  Oh shit! This one seems more perceptive that the others I’ve encountered so far! How can I weasel my way out of this one? She made pretty good points regarding my begging. Don’t know how I can form a convincing lie to explain that. O-Oh! I know. “Well, you see; I was robbed in the middle of the road when I was making my way to Ponyville. Real unfortunate...”  Applejack blinked. “Then why didn’t ya take ta train? It’s ta cheapest and safest mean of transport in Equestria. Ya wouldn't ‘ave been in danger had ya taken ta train.”  C’mon... Forget about me and go back to work.  “N-Not to be mockin’ ya or anythin’, but ya really did yerself no favor by trottin’ all ta way to Ponyville.” Applejack continued exposing me. If I stay around her any longer, she’d figure it out and then I’ll be knee deep in shit.  “Yeah... that was stupid of me. Anyway, I’ll go find a calmer spot to relax. So, uh, goodbye I guess.”  Damn it. She’ll tattle on me, get her friends to keep their eyes on me. I won’t be able to roam around Ponyville safely. Better tell Lucky Clover about this big problem. We’ll find a solution together. One that hopefully won’t involve committing a crime... He’s not going to suggest we kill or kidnap somebody, right?  Right?