“Man,” Bob sighed as he sat down next to Twilight. It’s been a solid two weeks since the appearance of Lord Tirek, who was promptly defeated by his older sibling after a long, hard fought battle. Twilight’s old home, the library, got blown up during the battle. Luckily Owlicious, Twilight’s pet owl, made it out safely thanks to his owner. The owl was given a room, with a whole tree in it, that was now his home. Fortunately, once Bob received news of what was happening across the country, he immediately took to the wilderness to go into hiding.
It was a contingency plan that Bob had developed with Twilight, they had a rendezvous point. Should a national threat, such as Tirek, show up, Bob goes hide in the woods and survives on provisions for a while. Then, after a week, Bob goes to the rendezvous point and waits for Twilight. If she doesn’t show up after a week, Bob would go seek out Luna or Celestia, or just straight up flee the country depending on what happens. This plan kept Bob safe, but he couldn’t take much more than food during his self-imposed exile.
The only things Bob took was the laptop that Twilight had enchanted so it wouldn’t lose a charge, and his original acoustic guitar, the one he got from Apple Jack when he was working off a ‘debt’ to Equestrian society. The human’s bits were moved into a bank account at some point in the last year, so that was kept safe. The rest of Bob’s instruments were blown up, along with the original print of his first concert’s album. The original print of his and Luna’s first concert was luckily kept in the Princess’s private chambers in Canterlot.
“This kinda sucks,” Bob sighed as he looked around the ruins of the tree house. Despite being told that he was allowed to live in Twilight’s castle, as he had lived in the library, it felt wrong. Amongst the rubble was the remains of the drum machine that was nothing more than a black, burnt box with a piece of bark jutting out of it. The human sighed, before looking around again. “It’s not surprising,” he mumbled to himself. “That even in ‘paradise’, that some people just wanna watch the world burn.” The human shrugged, before getting up to go to the, now, towering tree-like castle that stood on the edge of Ponyville.
A delivery of books, an unsurprising thing given Celestia was helping Twilight fill up the library in her new castle, had just arrived. For some reason, one of the books was vibrating and glowing.
Bob ran ahead of the delivery pony and opened the door for him. “Such a fine gentlecolt!” The delivery pony complimented the human before walking in. The human soon followed. The throne room was something that Bob had seen many times before. Six thrones surrounded a circular dias with a star, matching the biggest one on Twilight’s cutie mark. There were two doors off to the side, almost hidden from the entrance by their crystal frames. Truly, it was a sight to behold, but Bob was never one for royalty, so he never particularly cared for it.
He skidded to a stop at Rainbow’s throne, where she and Zippy were snuggled up. “You know,” Bob said, patting both the pegasus and the unicorn on their heads. “Ever since you, me and Zippy started dating, you’ve been holding still a lot,” Bob chuckled as Rainbow leaned into the hand more. Meanwhile, the delivery pony was talking to Twilight and even pointed out the glowing, vibrating book on top of the stack of books she was receiving.
“Well, I would rather fly, but I get that itch to do so before I meet up with you and Zippy for the day. That way I’ve had my flying itch itched, and then you can scratch my wings, or use Zippy as a pillow.”
“...You know ZIppy’s lying on you, right?”
“So?”
“She’s wearing the pants in this relationship; it’s great since she’s the shortest of the three of us.”
“Well, somepony has to keep you two numbskulls in line.” Zippy argued before she leaned forward and planted a kiss on Bob’s nose. “So, did you find anything?”
“Other than my old, destroyed drum machine?” Bob shook his head. “Nah. I’m basically back to square one where the only things to my name are my guitar and my laptop… though given that my laptop is usually how I produce music nowadays… It's not too bad.”
“You also got like… a few hundred thousand bits in the bank.”
“That is true. I could re-buy everything I lost, but that stuff I had had a lot of memories attached to them.” Bob shook his head. “Meh, ‘enough about me. What are you two planning today?”
“We were hoping to wait until you got here, and then drag you to your room and just snuggle up with you,” Zippy said. “Well, I was. Rainbow just agreed.”
“She said ‘no ear nuzzles’ for a week if I disagreed. This is cruel and unfair.”
“Zippy, stop bullying Rainbow, or no ear scritches…”
“B-but…” Zippy gave him puppy eyes…
“And this, Rainbow Dash, is why she’s wearing the pants in this relationship. I can’t say no to that.” Both Man and Pegasus sighed before chuckling. They both kissed the unicorn, before Zippy and Rainbow got out of the chair to let Bob sit in it, so that they could lay in his lap. Meanwhile, Twilight levitated the book down from the pile, cracking it open and looking it over before her eyes widened.
Apparently it was a message from her friends beyond the Mirror World, since the Crystal Empire had long since sent the Crystal Mirror to Twilight given her connections in the world behind its reflective surface. Soon, Twilight told everyone what was happening on the other side, before explaining the big baddies of the day, and then promptly using the book to make a magical device to forcibly open up the portal. The human had already made up his mind on going with his more equine sibling.
“I’m coming along, too,” Bob said, stepping forward along with Spike, who had already come up with a good reason to come along. “I wanna check in on how Sunset’s doing, mostly. Plus, a chance at getting more human technology would be pretty handy; an electric violin sounds fucking awesome right now, but y’all don’t have those here.”
“Well, you still have a better grasp on humans than I do,” Twilight admits. “The portal will remain open until the device is turned off, so we can take care of the sirens, and then get whatever you want to get from the human world. Maybe even explore it a bit more since we’ll have all the time in the world to get back.”
“Bet.” The human walked forward, before a mischievous grin came to his face. “Hey Twi, look up.” The alicorn did as asked, before promptly being picked up and gently tossed into the mirror by her adoptive sibling. Bob received a very nice, drawn out, never ending ‘fuck you’ from his sister as Spike ran after her. Bob quickly dashed over to Rainbow’s throne, before reaching in the hidden compartment; his bits and laptop bag were in there. He grabbed those before running back to where the mirror was and running through.
Twilight had just gotten back up, and was in a group hug with her friends. Meanwhile, Sunset just awkwardly hung to the side, so the human figured he should go greet her.
“Howdy Sunny, how’s life going?”
“...Well, everyone here is still scared of me… and I have some new friends at least,” Sunset gestured to the human counterparts of the Element Bearers.
“Darn. Well, everyone’s bound to come around; you did only almost enslave all of them and stuff.”
“I know. I know.” Sunset face palmed, only to ‘eep’ when Bob rested a hand on her shoulder. She then ‘eeped’ again when the human pulled her in for a hug. The slight rubbing of her shoulder did admittedly make her feel a little better. Sunset blushed at the sudden sign of affection, but given her origins, didn’t object to it; ponies are huge cuddle bugs, even if they were once evil.
“Hey, don’t beat yourself down for that shitshow that you were the last time I was here. Not everyone’s gonna be proud of who they once were, ashamed even. However, you still have plenty of time to make right on your wrongs, so why not go ahead and make right on them? Improve yourself and become who you wanna be.” Sunset gave him a small smile. “Now keep smiling, bud. You ain’t gonna get anywhere by being sad; I learnt that a hot minute ago.”
The group quickly made their way to an ice cream parlor where Twilight was filled in on everything. From the usual, day to day stuff that high schoolers go through, to the fact that Equestrian magical residue is still in the world. Bob got bored, so he grabbed Sunset Glimmer and ran off to a nearby pawn shop.
“What are you doing, Bob?” Sunset asked. “This is serious!”
“I know. I’m getting a few things done before I end up helping Rainbow’s band in the incoming ‘Battle of the Bands’ as you would call it.” Bob said, before haggling a good price for his bits, and trading a portion of them for various instruments. The two went through various pawn shops, with the help of Sunset’s knowledge of the area. Their haul came to a trumpet and tuba, a cello and violin, and even an electric guitar that had an amp with it. And then a wagon to carry them all in.
“Why are you buying so many instruments? There’s no way you could play all of these!”
“I can. I have, and I’d like to think I’m somewhat proficient with each of them. I can sing too, so I can be a swiss army knife.” Bob pulled a flute, that he had just bought, out of the wagon. “I’m not happy about it because of the special treatment I get sometimes, but I am actually pretty renowned throughout all of Equestria when it comes to my musical prowess. Namely because of me being a multi-instrumentalist, which is pretty rare, on Equus, for some reason, but I’d like to think I know a thing or two about music.”
“...And you can play every one of those?”
“Not as well as I wish I could, admittedly. I’m only really good with the guitar and singing, but…” Bob stopped and quickly played the Mario Theme with it… only to mess up on the last note. “I can be competent with most of these… most of the time.” When the two walked up to Canterlot High, where Twilight and her friends were sitting on the steps looking sullen. They were quickly filled in on what was happening… Sunset actually made a good idea, which was to counter the Dazzlings with the same type of magic.
“If you’re gonna write a magical spell,” Bob started, sitting on a nearby bench. “Then you shouldn’t write it like you need to save the world, Twilight.” Bob said his two cents. “Remember how much fun we had while rewriting Hallelujah?” He asked.
“That was for a silly little play, not for saving the world. And you helped write it!”
“But you had fun writing it, right?” Twilight nodded. “Music only comes out good, and feels magical, if you enjoy what you’re doing. Pony Hallelujah came out amazing, and we had fun writing it even if I was stressed out over writing it…” Bob leaned back and crossed his arms. “If you need help writing the counterspell, I bet I can help. Not in the magic part, but rather the ‘fun’ aspect of it. Since that whole ear and tails thing only happens…”
“When we play,” Rainbow said.
“Y’all have fun playing in the band?” Rainbow nodded. “Simply have fun with it then, Twilight.”
“What do you know about writing musical counterspells, anyway, dude? You don’t even have a band or know magic!” Rainbow snapped. Bob simply sat on the bench, kicking his feet up, before resting his head on his arms. “So why are you even here? It seems like you’re only here because you wanted to grab a wagon full of… instruments for some reason. What? Does Equestria not have those instruments? I bet they won’t even help you since you’ll have hooves!” Twilight and Spike just sat, jaws slacked as Earth’s version of Rainbow Dash kept going and going until she eventually stopped. Bob didn’t care; he had no reason to.
“Rainbow! Don’t be rude! If somebody wants to help, let them!” Rarity shouted.
“What help is he if he doesn’t know squat about magic or music? He’ll just get in the way!”
Apple Jack rolled her eyes. “Rainbow, you’re going to make yourself look like an idiot-”
Everyone was cut off by a certain, young adult laughing like an idiot.
“Oh. Oh man, that kinda stings,” Bob chuckled. “I'm dating Equestria’s version of you, so hearing her voice call me shit at music kinda smarts, y’know?” Bob kept his composure though. “In Equestria, I am still human. Dunno how, dunno why. I don’t even plan on keeping all these instruments when I’m done here,” Bob leaned forward. “I wanted to lend a hand out, y’know. I don’t even need to be a part of your band. I wanna help Twilight write a counter spell, which happens to be a song. Song writing is fucking fun, and it’ll help Twilight make the task feel less daunting.”
“Yet you have a bunch of random instruments-”
“In Equestria, I basically invented symphonic rock music, Rainbow. It’s my main genre even if I can play other genres. The only thing I’m missing is a piano and a drum kit; everything in this wagon is exactly what I used on stage or recorded in order to perform symphonic rock on stage.” Bob cocked his head forward and raised an eyebrow. “Want me to prove it?’
“...Rainbow, just let Bob help us,” Twilight started. “There is one thing that Bob dedicates most, if not all his time to, and it’s getting better at what he does. Some of the things he produced on his own are incredible.” Twilight walked over to her younger brother and snagged his laptop bag. She proceeded to, poorly, type in the password and opened up one of the tracks he kept on it. Specifically about Rainbow Dash. Bob actually started blushing; that was only meant to be something his marefriends saw.
“Twi!” Bob groaned.
“What? You wrote this for your marefriend. You should be proud since you did it on a whim!” Everyone slowly turned to Bob.
“How long did it take you to write that?” Rainbow asked as the guitar solo started playing.
“It… was improv, basically. I came up with a very simple chord progression and sang what came to mind. I wrote it down, fixed up some of the lines, and was going to show the revised version to Dashie on her birthday, dammit!”
“Dashie?” AJ asked.
“Yeah, I’m dating Rainbow Dash from Equestria, not Rainbow Dash from Earth. My Rainbow Dash mellowed out a lot after we started dating.” Bob got off the bench. “So, where are we crashing this time around? I don’t wanna sleep in the school library again.” The human asked, he wanted to move on from this conversation already.
“Oh! We can have a sleepover at my place!” Pinkie Pie immediately said.
“Sick. I’m down,” Bob got up. “Lead the way, Pinks.”
“Oh! You gave me a nickname. Wooo!” Pinkie proceeded to do a cartwheel, flawlessly backflipped and proceeded to start skipping down the sidewalk. “I’ve got a new best friend!” Bob slowly turned to Twilight, stole a glance from Sunset, and then face palmed before the group started following the hyperactive, pink human. Bob slowly found himself at the back of the line while the rest of the group, namely so they wouldn’t bump into his wagon and break off his newly acquired instruments. Sunset hung back with him.
“So…” Sunset started. “Twilight found a way to keep the portal open?” She asked.
“Eeyup.”
“And… you’re dating two ponies already,” she sighed. “I was going to ask you out on a date.”
“Oh?” Bob raised an eyebrow. “What brought that on?”
“I figured I would try and spend some more time with you! When you came over to my place and tutored me, it felt… nice, weirdly enough. I don’t even know what it is with you! You look so plainly ordinary!”
“He does have some nice biceps, though not overly large, dear!” Rarity singsung. “And he can play the guitar!”
“I’m… a twig with some muscle mass.” Bob whispered, before shrugging. “So, you wanna… drag me to a McDonalds or something, hope their ice cream machine is working, and then joke and stuff?” Bob asked.
“...Yeah.”
“Hmm… I dunno, Sunny. As tempting as it is, and I did think you were really pretty at one point, I’d have to ask Dashie and Zippy. Mostly Zippy. My world’s Rainbow Dash is surprisingly submissive.”
“I can see that,” Sunset admits, looking back at the Mirror’s version. “She didn’t actually hurt your feelings when she called you a bad musician, did it?”
“It hurts to hear my girlfriend’s voice, a voice that usually belongs to somebody that adores what I do, saying it sucked. However, I’m not too saddened by people not liking my work. Not everyone’s gonna like you, not everyone’s gonna be nice to you. If I couldn’t handle being told I suck at doing something, I wouldn’t be making music. Yeah, it stings, but the feeling I get when I see even just a few people loving said music… It keeps me going.” Bob chuckled. “Oh, I am so gonna play in the competition now.”
“...Why? I thought you were helping Twilight with the counterspell,” Sunset asked.
“I am. When I get to the Rainbooms, I am just gonna give up. I’m going to compete to try my hand at any genre. Whatever my opponent’s doing, I’ll do it and try to do it well. If I lose, oh well, nothing’s lost. If I win though? Hey, it’s all in good fun. Who knows? I might do some rock ballet for the fun of it if I somehow get past the Dazzlings. It won’t happen, I don’t see myself winning anyways, but it sounds fun.”
Later that night, Bob was sitting next to Twilight on Pinkie’s bed. He and Twilight had apparently shown up on a Friday, so they had all weekend to figure out a counterspell. “Twilight,” Bob said plainly, ignoring Rainbow and Apple Jack yelling at each other. “You’re stressing out again,” Bob pointed at the lyrics. “We’re gonna clap our hands, stomp our feet?” Bob sighed. “This doesn’t sound like a song, Twilight, it sounds like a spell. A really shitty spell. Does this sound like something you’d happily play on stage?”
“...No.”
“Okay, take a deep breath, think of a pony without fur.”
Twilight nodded, before giggling. “Oh, that trick words so well. Why does it work?”
“Bald ponies are funny looking…” Bob cleared his throat. “So, what do you want this song to be?”
‘You mean the counters-”
“No, not a spell, what do you want your song to be about? How do you want it to sound?” Bob asked. “Don’t think of it as a spell. It’s not a spell. You know music theory better than I do, if you write down the exact key and bpm of all those christmas carols I sing is anything to go by. You do that shit on a dime; I can’t even do that half the time. You have the capacity to write something better than I ever could. So make your perfect song.” Bob then glanced at Sunset. “Give her a part too; magic of friendship and all, yeah?”
“...You’re right Bob. Can you play some of the notes and chords so I can tell if it's something I’ll like?”
“Of course I will.” Bob reached- “WHOA!” Bob flinched when an acoustic guitar was shoved into his arms. “The fuck, Pinkie?”
“You needed something to play on, and your electric guitar would be too loud!” She promptly went back to downing cans of whipped cream. Bob mouthed ‘what the fuck’ to Twilight, before they both shrugged and chuckled. No matter the universe, Pinkie Pie will be Pinkie Pie. Bob wouldn’t be shocked if Human Pinkie Pie wanted a belly rub just as much as Pony Pinkie Pie. human Pinkie Pie might enjoy a belly rub way more than Pony Pinkie for all he knows.
“So Twilight, how’s that counterspell coming along?” Rainbow Dash asked, before gawking. Bob was playing the guitar, damn near flawlessly, in a percussive style, before nodding after stopping.
“Eeyessir!” Bob grinned. “You got yourself a really nice chord progression for the chorus,” Bob ruffled Twilight’s hair. Just like a pony, Twilight actually leaned into it, and squealed.
“And the lyrics?” Bob started replaying what he had just played, singing the lyrics as well. Twilight squealed, before Bob started replaying the chorus and the two started harmonizing. As the two started playing together, the human could feel something running through him. A glance at Twilight told him that they were onto a winner; she had pony ears. “Oh, this is so fun!” Twilight clapped as the ears disappeared.
“Hell yeah it does!” Bob ‘wooed’. He chuckled. “Ah fuck, if I sprout pony ears and a ponytail that goes down to my arse, I am going to gut you.”
“That would be pretty funny to see. I bet Rainbow and Zippy would love to see you with a ponytail.” Twilight teased.
“...If they love it, I will consider growing my hair out.”
“Bob,” Rainbow Dash started.
“Huh?”
“What the fuck?”
“I don’t know why you’re saying that.”
“You sound awesome, duh! I could use you in my band.”
“Performing with Twilight does sound fun. I’ve done it before during karaoke at Sugarcube Corner before.”
“No, as a guitar player; I don’t have an acoustic guitar player in my band. Your voice is too deep to fit into the rest of us.”
“It’s not my default that my voice is three octaves deeper than Twilight’s.”
“We harmonized perfectly despite that, though,” Twilight pointed out. “Whenever you end up collaborating with the Ponytones, you add some ‘oomph’ to their performances too, all by simply hitting really, really low notes.”
“Well…” Bob let his voice drop to as low as it can go. “Dashie really likes when my voice gets deep like this.” He raised his voice back to its usual octave. “Since she and Zippy always get VIP tickets to any concert I’m playing, I do a song where I can go that low for fun. Usually with Luna, it sounds really fucking cool. It’s great whenever I get to use my full range; Zippy loves my higher notes. So I get to please both of them whenever I can when I can go high and go low in the same song… It also just sounds cool when I do.”
“Bob,” AJ got the human’s attention. She looked genuinely impressed. “Your voice got so deep it sounded like there were two people talking. You ain’t too shabby with a guitar either.” She nodded. “What was that, playing with Principal Luna?”
“Oh no. Back home, we have our own version of Luna. She’s a Princess like Twilight is,” Bob chuckled. “Sweet as a sugar once you get to know her. Before Twilight even grew wings, I met Luna one night, and we ended up performing in a concert together. Whenever Lulu’s able, we plan out a concert and perform together in a two man band. I handle a lot of the instrumental and production side of things, Luna handles the vocals and effects if we feel like using them. Then after a hard night of blowing our vocal cords out, we snuggle up and cuddle for a nice, long day of just sleeping.”
“Huh…” Rainbow leaned back.
“Fuck, tonight Luna was gonna kidnap me and demand snuggles.” Bob chuckled. “I am in so much trouble.”
“I’m sure she’ll understand.” Twilight chuckled.
“Well Twi,” Bob and Twilight had moved onto the floor, so Bob was the first to get up; Twilight still wasn’t used to her human form. He then picked her up, bridle style before laying her on the bed. He set the book on the nightstand on the side. “Get some rest. We can go over the song again, see how we feel about it, and rewrite it if need be, and then continue writing it.”
“So about joining my band,” Rainbow started.
“Twilight and I talked it over,” the human chuckled. “I’m going to, out of spite of what you said, compete on my own in the competition, but throw it as soon as I go against you. Luckily, I’m on the opposite side of the bracket from your band. I’m going to match my opponents’ genres and see where that gets me…” Bob looked at the bracket that was given out to everyone to look over. “I’m up against Snips and Snails; I think they’re doing hip hop or rap.”
“...Why are you going against us?” Rainbow asked.
“I figured it would be fun. I dunno about you, but I never got to finish up highschool; I got dropped in Equestria during my freshman year, and that was it. My school was ass, so it would never have something like this being a thing. Twilight’s cool with it, since I don’t plan on making the finals… and I get a chance to kick her boyfriend’s butt.”
“Flash Sentry is not my boyfriend.”
“...Yeah, you’ve got a crush on him.”
“...No.”
“This is bullshit,” Rainbow grumbled.
“Let my brother have some fun,” Twilight said sternly. “He already said he wasn’t going to try and win the whole competition, since it might ruin our chances at winning against the dazzlings.”
“The Dazzlings’ gonna kick my ass if I get the chance to go up against them anyways. They’re an acapella group, as far as I can tell. They got three of them, are magically, and biologically, meant to sing incredibly, and unironically, some of their songs are pretty good if what I heard during the auditions were anything to go by…”
“What?” Rainbow Dash growled.
“Hey, I’m not affected by ‘harmony music’, which is causing this whole bullshit. The sirens have good music, and I can appreciate that shit… seriously, I can’t one man acapella my way through magical entities that will have me beat on the vocal front. So it’s not like I can get to the finals anyways.”
“...That’s a pessimistic way of thinking,” Twilight pointed out.
“Yeah. But there’s somebody in this school that’s bound to be more musically talented than I am… Fuck it, if I get to the Dazzlings, I’m going to bust out my main genre and try and beat them. They can’t take over the world if I kick their asses in a high school comp, can they?”
The weekend blasted by. The counterspell song that Twilight had written, with the help of her younger brother, turned out to be really good, and even got the whole ‘pony ears and tails’ going. Obviously they were going to save it until the finals of the concert when they went against the Dazzlings. Bob, however, started educating himself on every competitor in the Battle of the Bands and started working out which genres he should work with.
So now they were all sitting in the bleachers as the Dazzlings were up first, of course.
“You know,” Bob said, leaning back against the wall, since they were sitting closer to the top of the bleachers. “I kinda feel bad for everyone in the bracket that has the Dazzlings in it,” he admits. “There isn’t a shot in hell that anyone’s gonna win against them. What with mind control and whatnot. It’s pretty hard to sway the judges with that.” The room started filling with green smoke as the Dazzlings started singing their song. “...That’s not good either,” he pointed out.
Bob looked at the brackets before blinking a couple of times. “Oi, I thought I was going up against Snips and Snails’ band first,” Bob pointed out.
“Maybe it got changed at the last minute. What? Don’t think you can win against Flash Sentry?” Rainbow asked with a smug smile.
“Pfft, no. I’m a rock musician first and foremost, Dash. If somebody here can outdo me in that, I’d be pleasantly surprised.” Bob said while bobbing his head to what the Dazzlings were singing; it was about mind control, but it still slapped.
Unsurprisingly, the Dazzlings won. Snips and Snails, unsurprisingly, were terrible at rapping and got absolutely beaten out by a human Buff Biceps, who was playing the violin surprisingly. That was a shocker to Bob, since Buff wasn’t much better than himself when Bob first came to Equestria.
“Ey, Twi, you and the girls are up against human Octavia Melody.”
“Huh… maybe she’ll be just as good-”
“Nah, Tavi’s skills with a cello are damn near divine. I doubt the high school equivalent of her will even come close to Tavi.” The human chuckled. “Ah fuck, trying to out solo her at a concert was a horrible idea; I just got embarrassed.” Bob let out a deep breath before getting up from his seat. “Aight, I’m gonna go kick your boyfriend’s ass, see ya!” Bob got up and snickered his way to the stage while his sister just sat there and blushed. While Twilight and her friends were practicing their counterspell, Bob had actually run off and found a loop pedal and had connected it to some speakers he found for a few dollars at a random thrift store.
It was set up perfectly, as far as he could tell, after giving it another look over. He nodded, the instrument mic he had bought was working as well. It seemed like one band at a time would be playing throughout the competition; a chance for both bands to play without drowning their opponents out. Because chivalry in a competition full of mindfucked people is a thing that is first and foremost apparently.
He had to admit, Flash and his band weren’t too bad. However, now it was Bob’s turn. He walked out behind the stage, and after a few minutes, looped the drums and the keyboard. He grabbed his guitar and quickly dashed towards the center of the stage, picking up his guitar. Bob slowly looked offstage, where Flash and his band was. On the way to the gym, Flash had yelled at Twilight, so Bob gave the kid a grin before performing a metal song. Admittedly, it was a bit risky, since it wasn’t one of the songs that he had actually practiced, especially with him having to use another piece of equipment to try and change the guitar sound several times during the solo.
However, Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna were just impressed at what Bob had done; played the drums, looped it, played the bass, looped that, and then played the keyboard for a few moments before looping that. Just to then play an electric guitar, play it well, and quickly use another device to change how the guitar sounded throughout the solo.
Bob was just happy to be playing pirate metal; pirate metal is love, pirate metal is life in his books.
“Get dunked on!” Bob whispered at the end of his song. The human took a seat up in the bleachers, having just cleanly destroyed Flash Drive, Flash’s band. Flash himself stomped away from the board. The Rainbooms and Sunset were just staring at him, while Twilight didn’t seem too surprised by what she had just witnessed. She’s seen him do it enough to not even be fazed.
“That was mean, Bob.” Despite attempting to reprimand her younger brother, no matter how often Bob did this little stage trick, she was always proud of him. So the reprimanding came along with a slight, proud grin on her face as she hugged Bob anyways; he had performed one of her favorite songs of his. Even if it actually wasn’t his song.
“Well, I kinda had to do that, Twi. I don’t want to show off, but I’m a one man band; I have to resort to some more… technical stuff in order to edge out against two or three more people than I.”
“That’s fair,” Twilight admitted. “But did you have to show off that hard? Everypon-one here is a bit… amateurish, in your books, apparently. Then you come out, do all of that, and then walk off stage like nothing happened?”
“I couldn’t record or remix everything during the weekend for that specific song. If I wanted to show off, I literally could’ve done a seven minute long metal song that’s renowned for being hard to sing… and then lose the competition after I blow my lungs and throat out.” He turned to the rest of the girls, before raising an eyebrow. “What?”
“The fuck?” Rainbow asked.
“How the hell?” AJ asked.
The other five proceeded to voice their shock and surprise. Namely only Sunset stood out.
“Bob, how the hay did you do that? You did…”
“Looped some instruments after playing them for a bit. I did that a fair amount, namely as a dare from Octavia and Vinyl during a concert I did with them… I lost a bet with them, and I had to do it at least once every concert I had. Since I got booked with concerts right after, for some bizarre, unknown reason.” Bob shrugged. “It’s actually pretty simple once you figure out how I did it.”
“...I take back everything I said yesterday,” Rainbow Dash admits. “You don’t need a band, apparently! How is anyone supposed to follow that up? Especially us? We have to go after you!”
Every time another band went up, Bob went backstage to try and give words of encouragement, or even give advice. Admittedly, there wasn’t much to give, since everyone here wasn’t too bad at what they were doing. Of course, most shrugged it off, or snapped at him, because he was some filthy ‘showoff’ or whatever. Bob noticed the human equivalent of the Cutie Mark Crusaders were up, and watched them play… they were actually good surprisingly. He knows he’s heard the Crusaders sing and harmonize together through the power of harmony magic, and they always sounded wonderful.
“Yo,” Bob waved to them.
“Hey,” they said before passing by him… Their ability to mix their tracks was completely mediocre, so after their performance, he took them off stage. They actually lost their round. The young man led the kids off the stage and sat them down.
“What do you want?” Scootaloo snapped.
“Y’all were out in the second round,” Bob points out.
“Gee, thanks.” Sweetie Belle squeaked.
“I wanted to give you guys some pointers; music’s all about passion and you three clearly have it. You just need to learn some tips and tricks.”
“But how will that help now? We lost!” Apple Bloom stomped her foot.
“You can’t make good music if you don’t learn new tricks.”
“Easy for you to say; you’re really good at everything apparently!”
“I was once a dumb little kid, playing in his parents’ garage. I learnt new tricks, I practiced everyday, and got a lot better. This’ll help you guys make better stuff in the future,” he handed them a small handbook; a copy of a book he’s made for the rest of Equestria. It was tips and tricks. “This’ll help ya learn a few things. If I’m ever in the universe again, I can teach y’all how to use your music software better. Sounds good?”
“This…” Sweetie Belle opened to the table of contents before skipping ahead to the vocal section… there were some genuine tips and tricks in there that she never knew. “I didn’t know smiling helped with singing!”
“It does, and it helps a lot!” Bob chuckled. “Well, I’m going up on stage next. Somehow Snips and Snails got a ‘second chance’ from the loser’s bracket, and I gotta remember how to rap.”
“Wait!” The Crusaders hugged him. He blinked a couple of times before they let him go. That was the one band that was genuinely happy to hear his advice.
Bob ended up beating Snips and Snails pretty soundly, mostly because they were awful. The human plopped his butt on the bleachers next to the girls, right next to Sunset Shimmer. “God I hate rapping,” Bob sighed as he leaned against the back of the bleachers.
“Why’d you rap then?” Apple Jack asked.
“Because Snips and Snails were doing it; I’m trying to match everyone genre for genre. I just hate rapping because I suck at it.”
“You weren’t bad…” Sunset pointed out.
“And Snips and Snails were worse. A lot worse,” Bob leaned back. “I’m feeling a little good, now about the competition at least.”
“Why’s that?” Apple Jack asked.
“Found your sister’s band, and gave them a book full of tips and tricks I’ve picked up while being a musician. Those kids were the only band here that actually wanted my advice and wanted to use it to improve their music. Doesn’t your sister and her friends wanna be popular artists or something?” Apple Jack nodded. Bob chuckled. “Ah, that would explain that at least.” The young man jumped when he felt three sets of feet stomping up the bleachers, only to be piled on by the human Crusaders.
“By the way, Bob,” Rainbow Dash showed him her phone screen… for some reason. The human watched as he sat there, on the drums, sporting pony ears and a ponytail. Bob slowly looked up from the phone to Twilight. He mouthed ‘how the fuck’ and Twilight shrugged.
“My only guess is that you’ve lived in Equestria for so long, that you’ve started having your own ambient magic.”
“Well… damn. Magic registers me as a pony now.” Bob shrugged and started muttering about being a pony.
The rest of the competition ended up being a bust for Bob, as he ended up having to face the Dazzlings. As he walked up to the backstage, where the Dazzlings were waiting to begin their turn, they immediately surrounded him. “So… I see you’re a bit of a showoff,” Adriago got closer to Bob as she slowly drifted her finger up his chest. “Matching everyone here that’s competing against you by genre, doing all that fancy stage work to perform in a band alone… I must say, it’s rather impressive! Though… If you’re such good friends with the Rainbooms, why aren’t you playing with them, hmm? Perhaps they don’t like you?”
“Are you trying to make me upset over that? I did that out of my own volition, and Rainbow’s a bit of a cunt, just like you, apparently.”
“...What did you say to me?”
“You're a whole cunt. You probably don’t care, since you wanna take over the world and all, but you are a cunt.”
“...Don’t you dare talk to me like that! I was going to offer you a place by my side as my king.”
“Cool. I have two people I’m already seeing, nice people who… don’t try to take over highschools because they want attention and the only way to do it is by controlling people. I know I’m a little starved of parental affection, but you don’t see me going around and mind controlling a bunch of teenagers that can’t defend themselves from you, do ya?”
“...I am looking forward to destroying you this round.”
“Bring it.”
Once more, as the Dazzlings played, the room filled up with even more green smoke. It seems as though they were giving more effort than they had in the previous rounds, likely due to them witnessing Bob growing pony ears. The human pulled up the file for a song he was hoping to perform. It was something he was saving for a rainy day, a song he had been sitting on, but he figured if he was gonna lose anyways, he might as well go out with a bang.
As soon as Bob stepped on stage with his newly acquired bass guitar, a shit eating grin dawned his face as he began to play his favorite song. As soon as the strings started in his track, everyone in the room groaned, except Twilight who’s heard the song before, without any of the context as to why the song is either loved or hated by everyone in the room. Luckily Principal Celestia and Vice-Principal Luna were nodding along to his… he has a second fucking pair of ears. Bob shrugged before literally throwing the bass guitar across the stage swapping to a keytar that he had strapped to his back after he had properly looped the bass.
As it seems, making everyone listen to an overused meme-song was really good for stopping mind control, because the light, green glow around the Principal and the Vice-Principal faded away as they simply engrossed themselves in the keytar. In fact, most of the school, that was in the gym thanks to it being the battle of the bands, eventually started nodding and singing along. Meanwhile the Rainbooms were just watching, before all of them turned to their latest member of the Band, Twilight, who was happily singing along.
“Twilight, what the hell is wrong with you?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“What? It’s a good song! And Bob always likes playing this, even though he ends up snickering before and after playing it.”
“I don’t even see the problem,” Apple Jack hummed. “It is working, ain’t it?” The Dazzlings were watching from the shadows of the backstage, gawking at Bob, now sporting a long ponytail and ears, started unraveling their plan before their eyes with an expression on his face that was mixed between a shit eating grin and ‘vibing’. Before long, Bob won the round and was walking off stage with the keytar still in his hand. The human seemingly didn’t even notice what he had just done, as he sat down between Twilight and Sunset Shimmer, before leaning his keytar up against the bleacher.
“So Twi, you liked the performance?” Twilight nodded before hugging her adoptive sibling. “What?”
“You just stopped the Dazzlings, Bob! You didn’t even know you did it! And you did!”
“Huh. That’s pretty cool. We can go home now, or we go ahead and have that final round later tonight. Either or; I’m just happy that I got to play my favorite song for a bunch of very happy people.” All of the said ‘happy people’ were glaring at him, but couldn’t even be mad at his performance. “I personally say we go home; I kinda had an unfair advantage going in, since playing songs and singing with emotion in my voice is kinda my job… whereas it’s clearly a hobby for most of the people here.”
“I bet we could beat you in the finals!” Rainbow grinned. “After hearing that…” The Dazzlings ran off stage, grumbling at their plans being foiled; their pendants were kinda broken. Well, one of them was talking about getting tacos, and didn’t even seem to care about her plans of world domination being ruined. “After all, there’s six of us, and one of you… Seven if we get Sunset Shimmer to play, but you’re still only one person.”
“Mm… We’ll see. I’ll be playing for fun, so I’ll probably bust out some symphonic metal, but it’ll just be for fun, this time Rainbow. We no longer gotta worry about saving the world, aight?”
"I swear, if you play Never Gonna Give You Up again, I am going to slap you,” Sunset grumbled. “Seriously, after all of that work on a counter spell, and that is what stops the sirens in their tracks?”
“Rick Ashley would be proud,” Bob grinned before standing up. “I’m gonna go shove a nice, juicy burger from Five Guys in my mouth before the final events. Y’all wanna come and celebrate…” The human looked at Sunset and Twilight, the former looked uncomfortable, while the other looked excited at the prospect of eating a burger, even if she didn’t know what was actually in a hamburger.. “Or perhaps we just go to a place with more… vegetarian options. How does that sound?”
“I’m down for tacos,” Rainbow admitted.
“Aight, everyone else?”
“What’s… a taco?” Twilight asked.
“Oh… you are going to get spoiled by human food… as long as you touch anything with meat in it.”
“...What?” Bob slowly shushed her. Then it hit her. “Oh… right. Well, let’s go celebrate your defeat of the Dazzlings!” Everyone in the group cheered. “Oh, and Sunset, you’re taking lead vocals during the finals; I think you’ll like it.” That brought a smile to the former villainous’s face, before the group all went out to not only get ready for the upcoming finale, but to simply enjoy the fact that the competition was… now just a friendly competition.