Tips and tricks for coping with your own death

by homer simpson


Chapter 1

It was an exciting day. For the Great and Powerful Trixie had devised a new trick. One that would shake every pony watching to their core. Some would abandon religion, some would adopt it, some would hail her as a messiah. One thing was for sure: no pony would leave the show the same pony as before. 

There was a knock on her school office door and Suburst’s voice. “Trixie?”

She needed to figure out how she was going to get her shadow to change shape though. Starlight was much too busy in the school term to come to any shows or teach her, and she didn't really want to wait. Twilight was in town for another week or so, but she wasn't that desperate. Perhaps Sunburst would know the right spell? 

Sunburst knocked on the door again. “Trixie… I really do need to speak to you.”

No, he was far too busy knocking on daydreaming ponies doors nowadays. She awoke from her stupor. 

“Come in!”

Sunburst entered the room, and approached her desk speaking hesitantly. “Starlight sent me. There have been… some complaints about your counselling this morning.”

“What??” No pony was perfect, but her advice was always certifiably great and powerful.

“Well, apparently you told Slate that he should stop being such a nerd.”

“It would stop the bullying!”

“Sugar said you called his parents nobodies.”

“It’s not an insult! Most ponies are nobodies compared to Trixie.”

“And you told Ocellus that—”

“Ok! So I may have been a bit distracted,” Trixie conceded.

Sunburst tried his best to sound firm. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? Pinkie said she would take over.”

To his surprise, Trixie smiled at him thankfully. “Great! Tell the students I’m sorry!” She walked around from her desk. “Oh, and tell Starlight it won’t happen again.” And she was out of the room before he could say anything.

She decided the friendship castle library was her best bet for working out the trick. She wasn't a fond reader, but she prided herself on her ability to skim through books effortlessly; she could read 5x quicker than the average pony with 4% of the knowledge retained. She strolled out of the school gleefully; it was such a nice morning that she barely noticed the walk to the castle. It made her wonder if teleportation was really that useful or whether it was just a way for less talented ponies to emulate her tricks.

The castle always was quite the sight. Tons and tons of pure crystal pulled themselves out of the ground, tenderly holding the castle proper above its trunk. How many bits was it worth? Whatever the answer, she did still feel a little bad for Starlight that she had to live in Twilight’s hand-me-down treehouse. She was definitely thankful to Starlight that she knew where the library was; the hallways were torturous, she guessed this was why teleportation was invented. 

Which section would it be in? S for Shadows? M for Moving shadows? D for Directing moving shadows?? L for Learning: directing moving shadows???

It took her an hour of constantly walking back and forth between different letters before she finally found: ‘The Essentials to Shadowmancy’. A surprisingly normal looking blue book with no evil runes or spikes like she had secretly hoped for. It, of course, wasn't that she didn't know the danger of evil-looking artefacts; somewhere in the back of her mind she just desperately wished for something more exciting to finally happen. 

She quickly skimmed through the first couple of chapters, it looked like it was teaching you how to make your shadow come to life, and then you had to train it or something. She skipped to the page with the actual spell instructions on it. It also looked like an easy spell for somepony as great and powerful as her. 

Her horn glowed, and she looked at her shadow with a determined look that can only be compared to how a confident lion tamer looks at a lion gone rogue. When nothing happened, she looked at her shadow with an angry look that can only be compared to how an abusive parent looks at a disobedient foal. Perhaps she would have to ask Twilight; the thought made her shudder. With a sigh and a dramatic look at the book, she turned and stepped towards the bookshelf to put it back.

Her shadow really was being disobedient though, as it stayed put, utterly still, now disconnected from her. 

A grin planted itself firmly on her face when she saw it. “And, once again, Trixie defies all odds!”

It was so exciting that the shadow even started to grin back. Slightly unnerving, but did it really matter? She would just have to train it to not do that in future. But it wasn't just grinning anymore. It was laughing. Silently laughing at her. 

Trixie decided to win it over with a dramatic pose and a dramatic tone. “Shadow! Obey me, and be part of the greatest show in all of Equestria!”

Her shadow, bored of waiting around, stopped laughing and started to move, very quickly, towards the exit. It's dark limbs stretching forward with athleticism that Trixie found herself feeling jealous of as she started to chase after it.

“Come back!”

Sprinting, Swerving, Sidestepping through endless corridors. Rapidly running out of breath. Her only fuel, a prideful instinct to not lose her own shadow. But it was looking less and less like her shadow, its shape getting thinner as it got faster and faster, its limbs rapidly disappearing, and its movement becoming a slithering motion. When it slid under the castle doors, it didn’t resemble her anymore, but a snake. She pushed open the doors and just managed to glimpse what direction it was going before it slithered out of sight. 

Fluttershy's Cottage. 


Fluttershy trotted rosily back to her cottage as the sun shone proudly in the middle of the sky, scaring off any clouds with an intense brightness it was rarely brave enough to show. Butterflies twirled around her in ceremonious waltz, their shadows forming a dramatic battle of light versus dark. Trees stood tall around her, bursting with leaves, reaching up and thanking the sky for its wonderful warmth. Even the animals at the sanctuary seemed to conspire to give her a brighter day, with only a few minor disputes she had to settle.

And soon she would enjoy afternoon tea with Discord. Oh, and how she always loved tea with Discord; it was impossible to be bored around him. This was all just wonderful. 

She was almost dancing by the time she opened the door to her cottage; she didn't even notice poor Angel being flung across the room as the door slammed into him. A soft and sweet hum escaped her lips as she started tapping her hooves and preparing sandwiches. Then a quick break to profusely apologise to her dazed pet rabbit and make sure he was ok, before preparing the tea with the same sweet melody. 

It didn’t matter that it was still almost two hours before he would arrive. Reheating the tea just meant double the fun! After finishing, she briefly glanced over to Angel who was now seemingly entertained by his own shadow, and then sat down on her armchair to continue reading a book: ‘88 different ways to befriend wayward spirits’. Admittedly, she hadn’t ever seen any ghosts, but what if she did? She certainly wouldn’t want to end up being rude.

‘Unfortunately for us, dear reader, not all ghosts have had the good fortune of a happy ending. I’m sure you’ve heard of the dreaded Headless Horse, a poor soul said to roam the roads looking for revenge. Luckily, our experts managed to track down this dangerous spirit and give us our 17th strategy for this book. As it turns out, dangerous and lethal ghosts like nothing more than to boogie down. Yes, you read that right. Simply start tapping your hooves and bobbing your head, and your former enemy may just reconsider his or her haunting. Ultimately, it comes down to the alignment of—’

Angel tugged on her mane urgently.

“Oh Angel, we’ve talked about this, if you want to get somepony’s attention you really should just—”

The shadows of her room were marching like loyal soldiers towards a spot on the wall, where they converged together into a pulsating black mass. Tentacles, legs, dragon arms, and all manner of other appendages burst out of it, contorting in unnatural ways as it grew larger and the room cooled.

She shivered.

“Oh my…”

Against all her better judgement; she started to dance.


Twilight was having an uneventful day so far. Not that she minded; the last few days back holidaying in Ponyville with her friends had been great fun, but right now, she was quite eager to spend some quality alone time reading a couple of books—a luxury quite rare to her since she started rulling Equestria. Still, that didn't stop it from being strange, there always seemed to be something happening in Ponyville that needed her attention while there. Whether it be a party by Pinkie or a party by Pinkie, or… She made a mental note that at least 70% of activity was, in fact, caused by Pinkie. 

She briefly wondered (for the 29th time) how Spike was doing in Canterlot. After all, it was quite a big ask to have the young dragon rule over an entire kingdom for a week. Still, she was confident he would be fine, despite the fact she had to keep reminding herself of said confidence. 

Looking around the elegant guest room of former Castle de Twilight, now Castle de Starlight, there was a surprising void where she considered there should be nostalgia. She supposed it just wasn’t the same as her old library, despite the memories she made here. There were a lot of things she sometimes missed, and right now the most significant one seemed to be a nice cosy home where there were no worries about anything. It was nice to be back in Ponyville anyway, away from all the noise.

The wind rustled quickly through leaves, eloquently mimicking the dance of a thousand squirrels. The crystals, which formed the structure, vibrated in the breeze and let out a tender hum.

She closed her eyes for a moment, taking in the peace.

A knock on the door. 

“Come in,” Twilight spoke with thinly veiled annoyance.

Fluttershy walked in gingerly, concern and fear plastered on her face. “I'm so sorry to bother you. I have a problem.”

Twilight's face steeled, and she got up. “What is it, Fluttershy?”

“Um.. I think I'm being haunted”

Incredulity spread like pox over Twilight's face; she raised an eyebrow. “Haunted?”

Fluttershy patted the floor with her left hoof nervously. “Oh, well... All the shadows in the room started moving around and forming this scary blob and I tried dancing and it just seemed to make it angrier, so I think it must be a really dangerous spirit.”

Twilight's eyes were wide open in surprise. “Dancing??”

“Um...” Fluttershy looked away, slightly embarrassed, before concern took control. “We should go quickly, all the animals were so scared.”

Twilight considered it all for one quiet moment before her horn glowed and the room was suddenly empty once more.

Now, Twilight's eyes were worn and battle scarred by strange sights. If you spoke to them, they would claim, with great conviction, how they basically grew up on weird, and that the practical skills they've picked up in odd are far more applicable than any of those ridiculous eyes with degrees in it. Yet, even they had to do a double take at what she looked at. 
Somehow, the entirety of the outside of Fluttershy's cottage was covered in shadow so dark you could hardly see the door handle, while the surrounding trees had no shadows at all. 

“Haunted,” Twilight repeated, testing the validity of its sound.

Fluttershy took a second to reorient herself from the teleport, then looked at her friend hopefully.

Twilight decided to try a simple illusion dispelling first. “Alright, I've never seen anything like this before, but there are a few things I can try.”

Her horn lit up once again, and immediately the darkness on the house slivered obediently back into its rightful place under the trees. 

Too easy. Far too easy. 

“You said it started from inside?”

A nod from Fluttershy. 

They approached and entered. Everything looked normal. Far too normal.

“Do you think the Gh—” She stopped herself. “Do you think it’s gone?”
 
“I only removed any illusions,” Twilight pondered. “It could have fled.”

Fluttershy looked around nervously. She spotted something. 

“Twilight! Over here!”

Her hoof pointed to a lamp. No. A lamp’s shadow. And it was grinning. No. It was laughing. Silently laughing at them. 

Her horn played the same magic as before; the laughter didn't stop. 

“Creepy.” Twilight's face scrunched in concentration. “Whoever is playing this little prank, isn't just using simple illusion magic.”

Fluttershy smiled at the shadow. “Maybe it's just remembering a really funny joke.“

Twilight doubted any joke could be that funny. She cast another spell, and then another. Her tone dipped into frustration. “The magic doing this is coming from somewhere else, but I can't tell where. The source must be very far away, or hidden somehow.”

Fluttershy looked at her quizzically. “Is it dangerous?”

“I don't know.” She tried to think; the shadow seemed to think that even funnier. “There is a spell that will take us to wherever the source is.”

Fluttershy nodded. “If it means it never scares the animals again.”

“Alright.” Her horn started to emanate very powerful magic. 

White light escaped in waves that battered against Fluttershy like harsh wind. But Fluttershy always had utter confidence in her friend. Yes, Twilight was the element of magic, but more importantly she'd seen her always pull through no matter what the circumstance. It was starting to burn a little now. Each wave clawed her skin backward. Was it normal for Twilight’s eyes to be glowing white? 

And then pain, all-consuming pain, the feeling of white hot needles prying out every single nerve became her entire existence; she screamed and screamed for forever in just a second as her body was entirely engulfed by the light. 


Fluttershy felt her eyes open to all black. Everything felt so off. Everything felt so… nauseating. But she couldn't throw up, she could only spin. Spin and spin and spin until she opened her eyes. Didn't she already do that? This time it was definitely black. Twilight? No, it was only sliding; sliding faster and faster and faster and faster. She opened her eyes. Pitch blackness again. She tried to look down which caused the realisation she had no eyes to do so, and no anything else either. How did she open her eyes? She panicked, but it was futile against the unstirring void. 

“Twilight..?” Her voice was so meek and quiet. So so quiet. Did it even really happen? How could she have spoken without a mouth? Nausea set back in, stronger the more she tried to think. A stronghold against the insanity of this place. 

A distant and blurry silhouette darker than pitch black started to grin at her. A familiar grin. A familiar shape too. How long had this unicorn been there?

She opened her mouth. “Where.. Am I?”

He gave her two words. “You're dead.”