//------------------------------// // A pair of jumbo sized problems // Story: We will catch you if we can // by proto-alpha //------------------------------// Fernando looked around. He was in the middle of a park, next to a fountain, but something was wrong. That's when it hit him. There were no ponies in the park, nor in the streets like he saw when he arrived. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm not really alone?" he thought to himself as he started to walk in the search of a hiding place. While walking through the park, he noticed that his footsteps were abnormally loud. They sounded as if he was wearing shoes with hard sole, and even more oddly, they made an echo sound. He stopped to check his feet, and sure enough, he still had the same sneakers he has been using his entire time in Equestria. He attempted to tiptoe, and this time there was absolutely no sound. "Well, it's either sneak without being heard, or run and alert those six ponies" he thought. He returned to his normal walking, trying to form a plan while he walked. "Okay... One of them is supposed to be Slenderman, so I should never look behind," he exited the park and looked at the buildings. All of them were almost falling apart, and gave a spooky feeling to Fernando. Said human suspected of a certain chaotic spirit to be the responsible of this. "If you think you can make me enter one of those Discord, you're wrong" and he was about to walk along the streets, planning on finding a better place to stay, when he heard something that some years before was enough to keep him awake one full night. *Shlink* "Oh no" *Shlink* "Why she first?" *Shlink*. Fernando was frozen on the spot. He remembered the sound of sliding metal very well, and it was getting close. That is when he saw her. Pinkie Pie, with those dreaded scissors, "Wait a minute... How did she find me so quickly?" he questioned. Pinkie Pie, or Scissor Pie, was walking up to him. It was a big difference because usually you would see her hopping around. She was balancing herself on her back legs so she could hold her scissors in her front hoofs, and she was opening and closing the sharp object with each step she gave. On her face was her usual friendly grin, but you could misunderstand it or not even notice it because of the scissors. Let's see what is going on right now trough her, probably, twisted mind "I like the sound of these scissors. It's very funny! And think of all the things I can do with them. I can cut the grass, become a hair dresser, make paper shapes and they are super-duper cool! I bet everypony wants to see them closely *Mental Gasp* that's Fernando! He should see my new scissors! I bet he wants to hold them and see them closely!" Fernando finally snapped when Pinkie started to walk faster. He turned back and started to run, only to bump into a yellow and black-suited body. They both fell to the floor, and Fernando looked up to see Fluttershy... no, Slendershy literally piking herself from the floor with her new tentacles and setting herself on her makeshift feet. She looked at him, and she gasped when she saw that while Fernando stared at her, his health bar slowly was dropping. "D-don't l-look at me" she said at a volume barely audible. Fernando was too scared to move or do anything, and Fluttershy saw that, from what Discord said, Fernando was 'half-dead' by now "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" she howled in an inhuman and in-pony shout combined with The Royal Canterlot Voice Fluttershy Version©, and after that, she teleported away. Fernando once again regained his senses, and clutched his head, which was hurting like it was about to explode. "Damn, she got some good lungs". He looked up and saw three quarters of his life bar empty "Great" he thought sarcastically. *Shlink* *Shlink* *Shlink* He heard from behind. Looking back, he saw Scissor Pie less than five meters away, and with a yelp, he stood up and ran to the closest building. Fernando entered the building and shut the door, blocking it with as much furniture as he could in cartoonish speed. Sweeping the sweat that formed on his head, he noticed that he was staring to get dizzy. He took hold of his stomach, which was aching right now, and went to a corner of the floor to throw up. "Well, I'm almost dead, after all" he thought. He looked around the room, ignoring the pounding at the door, and noticed a blue glow near his head "He, now I'm hallucinating" he thought humored. "Hey! Not quite" Fernando twitched. He recognized the, now high pitched, voice, and the character that he was impersonating "Discord, from every support you could choose from, you had to choose her!" Fernando shouted. "Yes. Remember that I know every character that you know" Discord, or should I say Naviscord, replied. "I just came to tell you something. Listen! In areas like these there is a health kit. You'll have to find it, and when you do you'll have a nice surprise!" he informed in unnecessary loud voice. "Do I really want to know what the surprise is?" Fernando asked. At that moment, a chunk of the door flew off, and Pinkie stuck her head in "Here's Pinkie!". When he saw that, Fernando grabbed Discord and he put his miniature face in front of his eyes "Where's that bloody kit". Discords response was to slowly banish and respond from nowhere "You'll have to find it!". Fernando thought of every insult he knew before remembering that Pinkie was still at the door, apparently, her head was stuck, and she was trying to unstuck it. The door had two doors. One to the left, and one to the right. He didn't thought a lot and entered the left one, which lead to what appeared to be a fancy dinning room, but it was hard to tell, because the little light that got in through the cracks on the walls, was diminished even more with all the dust. Fernando looked for a light switch through the wall, and found it easily because it was next to the door. Luckily, the lights worked. Unluckily, one of the candelabrum fell down, and Pinkie was on top of it. "But, you were just... And I entered first... and you were there" he thought, trying to find a possible explanation while looking to the other room, where Scissor Pie was no longer trapped. "Come on. Come with me. You don't want any more accidents, do you?" she asked trying to make fun of the situation, but Fernando heard it like a threat. He (mentally) shouted and ran to the other door that he still hasn't opened. It opened to a corridor with five doors. Two to the left, two to the right and one across the hall. He entered the first door to his left and saw that he was in a storage room with a cabinet big enough to hide him. He quietly entered it and then closed it, and then waited. Scissor Pie entered a little after and looked around. Fernando was sitting in a corner of the cabinet, making himself as little as possible, and waited. Pinkie looked around the room. Her scissors flailing dangerously in her hoofs, and then, they ended up perforating the cabinet were Fernando was hiding. Fernando looked wide-eyed to were the scissors were barely touching his nose and heard Pinkie say "Oops, he he, I should be more careful, and then she took her scissors and exited the room. Fernando touched his nose and felt a drop of blood escaping from his body. He looked up and saw his health bar losing a miniature amount of his life. "I need that thing Discord talked about, and fast!" he thought before carefully exiting the cabinet. He approached to the door and opened it as quietly as possible. He looked outside of the room and didn't saw Pinkie. Sighing, he exited the room and went to the room that was directly across the corridor. He entered it, and found some stairs leading to the upper floor. Slowly and with extreme caution, Fernando started to walk up the stairs, which creaked under his weight each time he made a step. He prayed that Pinkie somehow wouldn't be able to hear all the noise he was making, and reached the top of the stairs without the appearance of the pink death. Sighing in relief, Fernando looked to the hall he had arrived. There were only three doors. One was wide open, showing a bedroom in ruins, and the other two were closed. Fernando examined the room from his position. He could see the bed of the room almost collapsing on itself, and on the top of it there was a rusty key. "Too suspicious..." he thought. He went to the closed door that was closer to him and tried to open it. He found that it was locked and he didn't want to try his luck and break it down. He went to the next one, but the doorknob of this one was broken, so he couldn't get inside. "And like in every survival horror, I'm forced to walk into the obvious trap" he thought sarcastically before going to the bedroom. The bedroom had one lonely window, the furniture was very old and the lights of this room didn't worked, so he couldn't see what lurked in the shadows of the corners of the room. Fernando contemplated one last time his options. He could leave the key there and leave the building, but he was running down on health, and Pinkie didn't broke down his barricade, so he had the door blocked. Resigning himself, he extended his hand, and with one last moment of hesitation, he took it. When he did that, the door slammed shut itself, and then, Pinkie appeared in front of the door. "Hey, what am I doing here?" she asked herself "Oh, look. There you are!" she exclaimed triumphal. Fernando looked around frantically. There were no other doors inside the room, and something told him that the door wasn't going to open this time. Scissor Pie started to approach to him slowly, making her signature noise with her scissors, and Fernando responded by backing away. He wasn't seeing where he was going, and he ended up tripping with something in the floor. He fell to the ground, but that didn't stop him from scooting backwards. "I win!" Pinkie said before doing something unexpected. Instead of simply grabbing him, she held up her scissors and tried to impale him. Fernando, in a rush of adrenaline, moved out of the way, making Pinkie miss. The scissors got stuck in the wood, and Fernando got enough time to search for something to defend himself. He looked around and saw a glow come from the wardrobe that was next to the door. He an to it, and when he opened it, he saw a floating arrow that constantly changed it's direction. At that moment, everything seemed to freeze and Discord appeared in front of Fernando, next to the arrow "Hey! Listen!" he started his sentence "This is a Random Power UpDown. When you touch it it will spin really fast. When it stops, it'll give you a power. The higher the arrow is pointing the better, and it will last until you leave the area, lose the extra armor it gives or, if it doesn't gives additional protection, you receive a big blow" and then he disappeared. The flux of the time returned to the normality and Pinkie managed to unstuck the scissors from the floor, and still unaware of what she just did, she started to advance to Fernando. In response, Fernando touched the arrow, and once again, the time stopped. The arrow whirled for some seconds, and it slowly came to an stop, pointing to the upper left side of the room. The arrow began to glow, and it entered Fernando's chest in a flash. Fernando didn't felt anything, but he saw that his clothes were transforming. His shirt and his trousers changed from their original color to a bright forest green, and then they merged and took the shape of a tunic. A brown belt appeared around his waist, and a blue shield appeared on his left arm. His sneakers took the form of brown boots and finally, a green hat appeared on his head. He looked at his hylian outfit, but he noticed that something was amiss. "What? No sword? Not even the Kokiri sword?" he complained, but he didn't have much time for that, because when the process ended, Pinkie was once again able to move. Pinkie didn't notice the change, and she walked as if on a trance to him. Fernando noticed that the time was once again advancing, and turned to Pinkie, who was preparing to attack him. He instinctively put the Hylian shield between him and Pinkie, and stopped the scissors from piercing him, but he was pushed behind from the force of the strike. "DISCORD!" he mentally shouted while stopping more attacks. Discord appeared in the room, still looking like Navi, "Did you call me?" he asked casually, as if the scene in front of him didn't matter at all. "Yes! Could you explain to me why Pinkie Pie suddenly acts like a serial murderer?" Fernando responded, while stopping as much hits as he could. Discord grinned and answered "That's because I might have put a little too much magic while transforming them, and it might or might not make them act like the character they represent". Fernando had backed away from Pinkie until he hit the wall, and this time he moved out of the way of the scissors, resulting in Pinkie getting stuck her weapons. "Might or might not? So it's probable that she's the only one that will act like this?" Fernando questioned, while running to his only escape route, which was the window. "Have you encountered somepony else?" Discord asked. "Only Fluttershy, and she didn't act like a crazy other worldly monster, but she still let out that howl..." Fernando thought more to himself that to Discord "Then, if the character they control doesn't need too much magic to recreate, then what's left from the magic will simulate the personality. It's probable that the most powerful ones will only give them ideas or thoughts." Discord commented. Fernando opened the window, but he saw that they were from seven to eight meters above the ground. He turned to Pinkie, who got free her scissors, and was running straight to him. Fernando put his shield up, and Pinkie lunged at him. Fernando noticed that if she rammed into him at that speed, they both would fall to their (simulated) death, so he moved out of the way, although she was able to scrap him. Pinkie crashed through the window, and fell to the ground. She landed on some conveniently placed trash cans, but she still blacked out. Fernando looked at the hole in the wall that had a window some seconds ago, and heard a sound that he knew all too well. "Wow, I thought you would be dead by now" said Discord in a mocking tone. Fernando turned to him, but instead of giving an insult as a response, he asked yet another question. "Hey, if I can transform into characters too, doesn't that means that I might be controlled by them?" "Don't be silly. I already fixed that on your transformations" Discord responded. Fernando glared at him and asked with spite "Then why Pinkie was still acting like a ten years old demon kid?" "Because that was so much fun that I wasn't able to bring myself to fix it" the draconequus responded with a mocking smirk. Fernando stared at him with a deadpan look and walked to the door, which opened itself some seconds ago. He went to the door that was locked and used the key that he found in the bedroom. On the other side of the room was a bathroom. He looked around and found what he has been searching all this time. Floating in the air was a first aids kit with a magical glow on it. Without hesitation, Fernando ran to it and touched the item. He looked to his health bar and saw how it filled up very fast, and he also saw that the bruise from earlier was healing almost on it's own, all the while while the first aids kit dissolved in midair. When he was fully healed, Fernando felt as good as new, and he was about to go find a better place to hide before a monotone electronic voice stopped him. "CONGRATULATIONS, YOU FOUND A WARP POINT" "Uh?" was all Fernando could think before disappearing.