//------------------------------// // 36. Live From Equestria! // Story: Imperatives // by Sharp Quill //------------------------------// “Nor Luna,” Meg added. Luna’s sister had been the one to guide the second ever alicorn through ascension. Meg, of course, had passed on the knowledge of how to enter that realm to the newly ascended Celestia; Meg had long ago stopped being bothered by bootstrap paradoxes like that. Or was it even a true bootstrap paradox if Harmony was guiding wave function collapses behind the scene? No, she wasn’t going to start obsessing over that either. It just wasn’t productive. Besides, there was that bombshell that Discord’s sister had dropped on them. “So how do we get a bunch of humans who attend the very first brony convention in Equestria to become the very first ponies in Equestria?” Twilight grimaced. “When no attendee had mysteriously disappeared.” Meg returned the phone to her purse. By the time she was looking forwards again, the portal was open and through it she could see a familiar hotel conference room, the same one used for the observers. It saved the bother of getting incredibly precise GPS coordinates for another location. In that room were various people, including one by a tripod-mounted camera. Some equipment was also present, laid out on a table, along with someone to operate it. Everything needed to broadcast a live interview. She had been insistent on the “live” part. No selective post-editing allowed. A young woman stepped up to the portal, but did not step through—probably the interviewer. “I was expecting an alicorn?” she asked. Meg didn’t recognize her. This was who CNN sent? Twilight had gotten Anderson Cooper. “Contrary to what many seem to believe,” Meg said, “I have not discarded my humanity. I think it both relevant and appropriate that I conduct this interview as a human.” She raised an eyebrow at her. “Is that a problem?” “No, not at all. Just… unexpected.” The interviewer took a quick look back; the camera operator was now behind her. “May we?” she asked, waving a hand at the portal. Meg stepped aside and pointed at a pair of comfy-looking recliners situated alongside a row of planters in Pandemonium Plaza. A small circular coffee table rested between them, complete with two glasses and a pitcher of water. Discord had been quite helpful. He was still around, if unseen, just in case. There was always the possibility this whole thing was a setup to grab her. Alas, from his perspective, it wasn’t looking promising. No “fun” today. The camera operator went on ahead to set things up. A long cable connected the camera to the equipment on the other side of the portal. The woman, her interviewer, looked back and forth between the recliners and the portal. “Just to make sure,” she said, “our camera will be able to talk to our gear back there, right?” “Won’t be a problem,” Meg assured her. “Uh, I’m sorry, but I didn’t get your name?” Was she expected to recognize her? As this exchange was happening, the camera on a tripod was being put into position. “Sophie. Sophie Henshaw.” She finally stepped into Equestria and gazed at the chaotic architecture around her. “I was the media observer?” “You were? Sorry, I somehow missed that.” “You were inside the warehouse at the time?” And the interview hadn’t even started yet. “Yeah. I imagine that’ll be covered in the interview.” Sophie merely gave her a polite smile. Looking around, she asked, “He’s… not around, is he?” Meg shrugged. “Hard to tell with the Spirit of Chaos. Unpredictability is kinda his thing.” Though he better be here if something happens. Fortunately, that was looking less likely by the minute. Sophie had a nervous smile at that, but quickly concluded Discord wasn’t around—he certainly wasn’t visible. She started to wander about the plaza, again staring at the surrounding attractions. “Would it be okay if we took footage of this place? I didn’t have the opportunity before, when Twilight vetted us.” Meg smiled. “Quite honestly, I suspect nothing would make him happier.” A nod in response. “After the interview, then, time permitting.” Camera setup continued, the operator doing whatever it was he did to ensure broadcast-quality picture and sound. While that was going on, Sophie finally looked up into the sky and saw an airship floating overhead. “Could we film up there too?” she asked. Meg doubted Twilight would object, but more practical concerns did present themselves. “I don’t have any way of getting you up there, and the ship can’t land here.” Sophie looked her in the eyes. “Then how would you get up there?” “I can fly—as a pony?” Her mouth made a silent “oh.” Though Meg quickly realized she probably could get them up there, using her telekinesis. Maybe. That was more than she had ever lifted before. Best not to make the attempt. Though there’s Discord… Nope, not the best idea. Besides, there was hardly a need to give a tour of the ship. On second thought, maybe she ought to have had the Zephyr hover far enough away so as to be unseen. It wasn’t as if she couldn’t fly a mile or two. Regardless, the theme park, that they could tour. Her currently human eyes rested on the camera. Connected by a cable running back through the portal. Was that even an option? Maybe they had other portable cameras available back in the van. They had to have come in a van, right? The camera operator came to her and attached a mic, then put on a pair of headphones.. “Please count to three,” he instructed. “One two three?” He gave a thumbs up and returned to the camera. “We’ve got a few more minutes,” Sophie said. “We might as well take our seats.” Not waiting for a response, she headed towards one. Meg went to the other, and they both sat down. Meg looked at the camera, butterflies starting to swarm in her stomach. She looked back at her interviewer, who was studying the flowers next to her. With her head turned that way, it made an earpiece quite visible. “Are those colors shifting?” she abruptly said. “It’s what they do,” Meg replied, “in this plaza. Just don’t eat the flowers.” Sophie’s head jerked back to Meg. “Ponies eat flowers, and these flowers…” Sophie was staring at her. “Never mind. Not really relevant for us.” “Something something Discord?” “Basically, yeah.” She looked around again. “He’s not going to interrupt the interview, is he?” Meg shrugged. “I asked him not to, and he understands the importance of this to me.” “And he respects your wishes?” And still the interview hadn’t started. “Sometimes?” “I guess… that’ll have to suffice.” Meg shrugged again. Sophie suddenly stared at infinity. “Thirty second warning,” she said. This is it. The seconds passed lethargically. Meg almost wished this had been a ploy to capture her. That might have been less stressful. “Ten seconds.” She could still fly away. Sophie held up a hand at Meg with all five fingers extended. Then four fingers. Three fingers. She dropped her hand and looked into the camera bearing a huge smile. Two seconds to go. One second. “We are coming to you live from Equestria. I am your host, Sophia Henshaw, and I will be talking to Meg Coleman, someone who by now hardly needs an introduction.” She turned to Meg. “Why don’t we start with this location that you’ve picked for us? It is not what one would normally think of when thinking of Equestria.” One could hardly ask for a softer question. “Maybe not yet,” Meg began. “We are inside a new theme park created by the Spirit of Chaos himself, Discord. It’s not currently open to the public, but when it does open it’ll be open to both humans and ponies. We’re planning on holding our next brony convention here, with Discord being one of the confirmed Guests of Honor.” There, that’ll make Andrew’s day. Sophie turned back to the camera. “What you’re seeing now is footage we took only minutes ago of the surrounding… attractions, I guess? I swear it’s all real. Even the flowering plants behind us… let’s just say keep an eye on them.” They did that? Meg hadn’t noticed. Must’ve happened while Sophie had her attention. “The last few times you’ve been seen, you have been a pony. Is there a reason you’re here today as a human?” An invitation to repeat the answer she had already told her—privately? “To show that I can? I have not discarded my humanity, despite what some believe.” “You could change into a pony and back to a human right now?” “In Equestria, yes. Transformations like that are forbidden by the laws of physics in our universe.” It was no accident she used the word our. “Could you give us a demonstration?” The pendant was hanging from her neck; that wasn’t the problem. The mic, on the other hand… it was attached to her clothing, and that went who knew where when she went equine. It would come back, of course… Meg looked up at nothing in particular. A little chaotic intervention wouldn’t hurt right about now. She stood up and backed away from the furniture. It’ll be fine; she wouldn’t have to talk as a pony, and it’d be for a few seconds anyway. Her hand reached up to squeeze the pendant, but before it got very far it dropped. No need to let the world know how she did it. With her magic she gave it a squeeze. Sophie stared at her, mouth open. A quick look showed the mic was now clipped to the hairs of her coat. Thanks, Discord. Alas, she had nothing clever to say, so she gave the pendant another magical squeeze and returned to her seat. The mic survived the second transformation. “It’s nice having wings,” she said, “but there’s no substitute for hands where keyboards are concerned.” Sophie had managed to regain her composure. “You have more than wings now.” Somehow Meg knew this was leading to the next topic. “Still learning how to use a horn. Maybe some day, but for now I’m a far faster typer with hands.” “Yet you have acquired a horn, nonetheless, and you became an alicorn. ‘Ascended,’ I believe is the term. There is a lot of speculation, as I’m sure you’re aware, as to how that came about or what it means.” “Oh I’m aware alright.” Here it comes… “Why don’t you tell us in your own words, then?” As if it would change many minds! But, after all, it was why she was here. “As to the ‘how,’ I’m not sure.” She shrugged. “My eyes were closed at the time. I was about to do something that by all rights ought to have killed me, but it had to be done because the past could not be altered. And though I had reason to believe I would survive, I… just didn’t know how. And when I did that something… well… I found myself in the same place Twilight went to when she ascended. That’s the last thing I expected—I didn’t expect anything! As for what it means, I’m still figuring that out.” “Was Princess Celestia there to ascend you?” Meg knew where that question was going; at least it spared her from having to explain her reasons for not expecting to die. “She showed up a while after I arrived, but—and I want to make this clear—she did not ascend me. I don’t know who—or what—did the ascension, but it wasn’t her. She was there only to provide guidance and support. And give me a ride out of there once it was over, because I sure had no idea how to get out of that realm.” “There are those who say she rewarded you for creating the anomaly, for creating an existential threat to humanity.” And there it was. “I did not acquire that warehouse. I did not staff it with people, never mind people fooling around with dangerous magics they did not understand. If Twilight and I had not gone back in time to that event, those people would have pressed the button anyway—and without the corrective spell Twilight put into place, the Earth would’ve been destroyed in seconds. If I truly was ‘rewarded,’ it was for saving the entire planet!” “Why not prevent the button from being pressed at all?” “Because the anomaly happened. That past cannot be changed. We made the past happen the way it’d always happened. Predestination paradox and all that.” “Why would that be the past, and not a past in which the button was never pressed?” Meg exhaled. “I don’t know. I really don’t. Sure, I could talk about superpositions and wave function collapses, but that just means it’s due to random chance. And that’s not a particularly satisfying answer, is it?” Not that the universe owes us satisfying answers. “Senator Routledge has accused you of treason. Are you concerned?” Meg snorted. “For saving the planet? Please.” “But assume, for the sake of argument, you would be convicted. Would you take up President Tretyakov’s offer of sanctuary in Russia?” “While the offer is generous, I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I could not help noticing that the senator has yet to produce two witnesses to my alleged crime, as required by the Constitution.” “He did get a special counsel appointed to look into this.” Meg nodded. “And that counsel is now in possession of all the paperwork and computers we were able to remove from that warehouse before it imploded. I’m not the one who should be losing sleep over that.” “Who should be losing sleep?” Meg smiled. “Not me.” Sophie gave her a polite smile in return. “Let’s go back to your ascension. Do you feel rewarded?” Do I? “Is it nice being an alicorn? Of course it is. Having telekinesis is great, and eventually I’ll be proficient at casting spells—let’s just say I have a great tutor. And earth pony strength and stamina is part of the package too.” She lifted her hands in frustration, then dropped them. “It doesn’t solve any of my problems, though. If anything, it might actually create more problems for me back on Earth.” “Like being a princess now?” Meg’s eyes hardened. “I am not a princess.” How many people believed that she was? Then again, too many ponies also seem to believe it too. “So you’re the first non-princess alicorn?” “It’s not like it’s an actual law or something.” I really shouldn’t let her get under my skin like that. “You’re not immortal, then?” “That…” Shit. She had to go there. Tempting as it was to give a non-answer, that wouldn’t fool anyone. Like it or not, this was her new normal. Time to accept it. “So far as I know, I won’t age.” “So far as you remain an alicorn, that is.” Her future human self hadn’t aged a day. “I don’t think it—” A commotion from the other side of the portal stole her attention. A half-dozen persons, blacked out all ninja-like, had barged into the room, aiming about decidedly non-ninja-like guns. “Remain on the air,” one said, pointing his gun at the operator of the broadcasting equipment. Two of them stayed by the door. The remaining three waltzed through the portal without a care and over to Sophie and Meg. A familiar voice spoke: “Meg Coleman. You are guilty of the capital crime of treason against humanity. Sentence shall be carried out.” “You really are a moron, Jackson, aren’t you?” Before Meg could finished that sentence, Jackson had aimed his gun and pulled the trigger. A click, then from the barrel a flag emerged, upon which was a single word: bang. The other two “ninjas” quickly did likewise; their gun flags read you’re and dead. Assured that Discord was still around, Meg stood up and crossed the short distance to Jackson, who was oddly squirming. More Discord? Using her telekinesis, she yanked the masks off Jackson and his two companions—let the viewers assume Discord had done that. A quick look showed that the camera was on her. The three back on Earth looked on in shock. “Attempted murder is frowned upon in Equestria, as you can guess, and you will stand trial for that. But…” Meg threw him an evil smile. “Did you know that Discord has royal permission to ‘have fun’ with any who make serious trouble within his theme park?” Jackson hadn’t said a word, and from the looks of it not from a lack of trying. “It appears the fun has already started.” “Indeed it has!” Discord appeared next to the desperately squirming Jackson, the draconequus dressed as a police officer. A pair of handcuffs linked one of Jackson’s hands to Discord’s lion paw. Two more linked his paw to the other two perpetrators, their chains conveniently long enough to span the distance and no longer. Meg fought the urge to point out that wasn’t quite how handcuffs were used. Why bother? It was all for show anyway. “When you get bored of them, could you please hand them off to the Royal Guard in Canterlot and inform Princess Celestia or Princess Luna?” “Don’t be ridiculous,” he scoffed. “I’ll dump them on Sunbutt herself.” He grew excited. “It’ll make her day!” He and his prisoners vanished. How literally does he intend to “dump” them? Meg sighed. Not her problem. Looking back at the portal, she noted the other three were gone. They had been perfectly safe from Discord, so long as they stayed on that side of the portal, but would they know that? Or maybe they were more concerned about the Feds; no doubt they were watching too. Though how had Jackson identified the portal’s location so fast? Had he already known, perhaps learned from an observer—Routledge’s observer even? She’d suggest that to the authorities when the time came. She went back to her seat. “Are we still on the air?” she asked Sophie. “Y-yes?” “Good.” Meg addressed the camera. “Don’t worry, everyone, they’ll be fine. That royal permission comes with restrictions. Regardless. To anyone who plans on causing trouble at our upcoming convention, I have this message for you: Discord will welcome you—personally.” She let that sink in for a moment. Sophie broke the silence. “Wasn’t that one of the Tartarus Five?” Meg sat down. “Two of them, actually. At least two. I’m sure Princess Celestia will be overjoyed to meet them again.” “Does… this sort of stuff happen to you often?” Meg didn’t respond for a moment. “More often than I’d like. What I miss most is normalcy, to be able to live the life I once had.” But it was time to admit it. “That won’t happen, of course. Yet is it asking so much to walk the streets back on Earth without being harassed, arrested, my home overrun, my life threatened… whatever? I’m not living my life in Equestria now because I’ve forsaken humanity.” “Even though you have to put up with Discord?” Meg shrugged. “Sure, he can be annoying, but I get along well enough with him.” “And it’s fair to point out he just saved your life, correct? I’m assuming those weren’t prop guns.” “Oh yeah, that was Discord, no question about it.” “And he’s crucial to eliminating that anomaly, correct?” “Yes, he is. A little appreciation for that, quite frankly, would go a long way.” Meg waved her hand at the theme park around them. “Pay a visit to Discordland when it opens. Experience and enjoy chaos in a non-threatening environment. It would mean a lot to him.” Meg leaned forward. “He won’t even charge admission.” That elicited a small giggle. “I doubt he has much use for money.” “He most certainly does not.” “Speaking of the anomaly, any idea when will be the next attempt to get rid of it?” “Soon, I hope, days not weeks. Twilight is right now preparing.” “Could you explain why Discord needs to do what he did that last time? I assume he’ll need to do it again.” How to explain it without going over everyone’s heads? “The spell to eliminate that anomaly violates conservation of energy. It won’t work unless the Earth is displaced from its universe just a teensy bit, so that the laws of physics are malleable just like they are here in Equestria. Only Discord can do that, and even for him it’s extremely difficult. It might take longer than he can hold it. But even if that should happen, the anomaly would still shrink a lot, and we just repeat the process until it’s gone.” “All we can ask is for a heads-up so that we can be there to cover it live.” Sophie turned toward the camera. “And that concludes our interview, live from Equestria!” She smiled at the camera for several seconds. “And, we’re clear. Give us a few minutes to get a portable camera and we’ll do the tour.” The tripod-mounted camera was already being carried away. “Weeeell,” Meg said as she looked around, “I’m not the person to give that tour, and Discord—” “I’d be happy to!” Meg spun around. “Bored with them already?” Discord rolled his eyes. “No fun at all. Just kept squealing like the rats they were about doing what needed to be done to save the world from the likes of… well, me.” He waved a dismissive paw. “I dumped them on Sunbutt like I said I would.” Sophie looked at the retreating camera in regret. “Could we, uh, have a chance to interview them?” “I’ll enquire,” Meg replied, and to Discord she asked, “Did you dumped them on her before or after restoring their human forms?” He crossed his arms. “Before. Satisfied?” Sophie looked back and forth between them. “Wait. You mean… literally?” “Welcome to Equestria,” was all Meg could say. “I better get back there.” “Allow me.” Discord snapped his talons. Meg found herself back on the Zephyr, and looking out the window she saw Canterlot clinging to the mountainside below her. “Thanks?” Twilight teleported to the dungeons, the three prisoners accompanying her. A Royal Guard noted her arrival and approached her, bowing upon reaching her. “Take custody of these three,” Twilight commanded. “Yes, Your Highness.” Another guard joined the first, and the two led the strangely acquiescent prisoners away. What did Discord do to them? Sure, she knew they had been turned into rats. That much had been obvious when the three had fallen out of nowhere to land on top of Celestia. Twilight had been more shocked by that than Celestia herself, somehow. Discord had appeared seconds later, guffawing, and changed them back to humans. She thought Celestia was more bothered by who the humans turned out to be than by the rats they had been. Discord had then provided a recap of what had happened. Could they really be that stupid? And on live TV, no less? Twilight had right away volunteered to take them to the dungeons. The less time Jackson was in that room with Celestia, the better. Now that they had been dealt with, she returned to her mentor’s private tea room. Discord was gone, big surprise—and Celestia too?—but Meg was there? “How…?” “Discord teleported me and the ship back here—as a favor, I guess?. The captain… wasn’t amused.” No, he wouldn’t. “I just put the prisoners in the dungeons.” “I know; Celestia told me what happened, before she left. Would it be okay for CNN to interview them? They expressed an interest. He, uh, came back after ‘dumping’ them on you—by the way, he kinda sorta said what he was going to do with them on live TV—and right now he’s giving a tour of his theme park.” “He did?” Twilight would have to watch that herself. “Wait. Did he mention turning them to rats on live TV too?” Meg shook her head. “No, just words that could be taken as a metaphor instead of literally.” Twilight thought about it. If it got out they had been turned to rats… That might not go over so well. “I know what you’re thinking,” Meg said. “Yeah.” They were behaving oddly subdued. “I think I’ll leave them alone for a while, let them recover from their experience, then have a talk with them. After that I’ll decide whether to permit the interview.” Meg shrugged. “Works for me. When do we get rid of the anomaly? They want a heads-up on that too, so they could cover it live.” They do, do they? Twilight was tempted to keep them in the dark, so they wouldn’t cover it live, but it was probably a lost cause. It wasn’t as if there weren’t media permanently stationed at the anomaly. “There are two items that need to be taken care of first,” Twilight finally said. “First, we need to finish the simulations so we know whether we have to dispel the time dilation spell. And second…” “Let me guess,” Meg said. “Discord’s lack of a schedule.”