The cold of the New York winter can kill. I knew it would to me. I huddled up in my corner of the subway, hoping that the lack of direct exposure to the snow wouldn't kill me. Cold blooded, I had forgotten about that aspect of being a dragon.
I heard the sounds of footsteps and radio chatter, a police officer was nearby. I kept quiet. The only thing that would suck more than death by cold, would be death at the hands of a cop. The cold is at least impartial, and doesn't care. The cop? The cop would care. He'd care so much about killing me he'd brag about it for years to come. The dragon slaughtered by a pig. What bitter fucking irony.
The wind howled like a banshee, and snow somehow began to come in from the tunnels. I heard some sick song come towards me, and I looked up to see a lady of death slowly approaching, howling that miserable tune that sounded like my alarm.
My alarm?
I jolted up and shut off my alarm. I was on my bedding, curled up, in Twilight's Castle.
A nightmare. Fucking, duh, of course.
Doesn't stop my heart from pounding.
I grabbed my dream journal. I liked to see what my psyche had to say to me. "Had a dream where I was homeless in New York City and was a full fledged dragon dying of cold," I wrote down.
It was obvious what that was about. I gave a humorless laugh. I didn't even live in New York.
I looked at my claws. Would this entire thing be worth it? Probably.
But the darker thoughts swirl in like a thunderstorm, and cloud my vision.
What if I become a dragon before I get back to America? What if I try to apply for a job and no one hires me because, well, who'd hire a fucking dragon?
What if the police accuse me of identify theft, and arrest me? What if my rights are stripped because in the eyes of the law, I'm not a human? Dragons don't get rights, would they?
What if my transition causes me to lose my job? Burlane would be able to get at Matt and Jer that way. None of us would be able to get a job at all. We still had rent to pay. Would they hate me? No, no, We Dem Boys, we made a fucking pact. But, if they can't live in America, and they leave, would I ever see them again? I know Jer has family in Mexico. Matt would be a drifter, probably, he's train hopped before. But me? I have nothing. If this hadn't happened before our job was done, I'd be fine. Maybe it shouldn't have happened at all, maybe--
A knock on the door clears my thoughts.
"Hey Sal! Breakfast!" Jer calls out.
"Be there in a bit!" I reply.
I considered what Burlane said. That once we got paid, my boys and I would be able to buy a house with the money? Maybe I could delay my transition, stave off on the gems, and then go whole hog once the job was done.
And so I had opted to not eat anymore gems, so that the developments wouldn't get more obvious. They still continued, regardless, but now that my magic had to keep my scales alive, the growths had gotten exponentially slower.
At least it was Wednesday. The week was already halfway over. I got up to go to work.
Friday.
Day two of no gems. I could tell it was bad for me to do this, on account of the wooziness and headache, but I didn't wanna risk it. Being slightly unhealthy with a job was something I was willing to tough through.
Twilight said she had to go teach her new student today, some pony by the name of Starlight Glimmer. She entrusted the work to us once again, and I sat down at my computer to start.
I could do this.
Saturday.
We had the day off, and Spike joined me and the boys to go bowling. The entire time, Jer and Matt were making references to GTA IV, joking around, "Let's do some bowling," and "I don't want to go fucking bowling!" despite very obviously being at the bowling alley, bowling.
My head throbbed. I just wanted to sleep.
Spike looked over at me.
"It's your turn, Sal." He called. I got up, and the world bent inwards for a second. I grabbed my ten pounder bowling ball, and found it felt more like twenty. I rolled the ball down the lane with no regard for spin, technique, or even aiming.
It immediately hit the gutter.
Tuesday. Week two.
Spike took me down to one of his favorite restaurants, Sugarcube Corner, which was run by that pink menace from before. They seemed to be primarily a patisserie, but they had some rudimentary breads and whatnot. I stared down at the muffin, feeling apathetic towards it.
"Dude, you okay?" Spike asked me.
"Sal?" He asked again.
"Huh? Oh, I'm fine."
"You don't look fine." He said with suspicion.
"Okay, look, I just-"
"When did you last eat a gem?"
"Last uh.. last .. Friday?" I lied.
"What? Why?!" He asked.
"I was trying to slow down the transformation.."
"That's not a good idea. You're supposed to eat them daily, Sal."
"I know, but, look."
He glared at me.
"If Burlane fires me, I lose my work visa, which means I won't have access to any gems whatsoever. This is just me.. pacing it out, trying to keep my job going so I don't lose this altogether."
His frown grew deeper, and he sighed. "I guess that makes sense. But you're part dragon now, you need to at least eat enough to sustain yourself."
"I'll have one soon, okay? I just wanna.. keep this under wraps."
"At least eat normal food too."
"I'm doing that!"
"Really?" he raised a brow. "That muffin of yours doesn't look very eaten at all."
I took a bite, and grumbled, "See? Just fine!"
I swallowed, and found that I was not fine. My stomach started to perform a acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle. I gave a thumbs up and a fake smile.
He huffed a sigh and got back to his cupcake.
Wednesday, week two.
I couldn't read the words on the page. My vision warped and doubled. I clambered out of the room, and struggled my way back to my bedding.
Thursday, week two.
I was keeled over on the toilet, puking up my last meal. Matt and Jer stood in the doorway, concerned. I hacked, wheezed, and then laid against the cool crystaline wall.
"When was the last time you ate a gem?" Matt asked.
"I dunno. Last week, I think." I gasped.
"Dude, that's not healthy. Twilight said you needed them to survive." Matt frowned.
"I know, I know but, if Burlane finds out, he'll fire me."
"Would he..?" Jer questioned my line of thinking.
"He fired Jo-Ann for her transition, man," I groaned, "I know the official reason was her 'slacking off and browsing Reddit', but he didn't have any issue until she came out."
The boys sucked in air through their teeth.
"Look, Sal, you have a point, but you're like, dying." Jer said, and he squat next to me, holding up a gem. "Spike said you need to eat this, like now. Or you'll die."
"And if YOU die..." Matt growled. "Y'know.." He pointed at himself and Jer.
Oh yeah, right. I forgot. I nodded, accepting that I'd eat it for them, if nothing else.
I grabbed it, and felt that desperate craving again. I put it in my mouth, and sucked on it. That sweet taste filled my senses, and I suckled on it like candy, letting it trickle in slowly.
My senses returned to me. I felt better. They smiled.
Saturday again, week two.
"Your development has slowed down. Pretty significantly." Twilight observed as she took notes.
"Yeah."
"How many gems have you been eating daily?" She asked.
"Uh.. I haven't had any since Thursday."
She looked up at me in shock. "You're not supposed to do that!"
Well that confirms it. If a goddess of knowledge and friendship, and surrogate mom to a dragon, tells you you're not supposed to do something, she's probably right.
Even then, though...
"We told them that already." Jer said from his computer across the room. He had a gem on his desk, and a recently procured barcode scanner. He seemed to be futzing around with the two, studying a book on gem's magical properties. He looked up at me, disappointed.
The gem looked really, really good. My stomach rumbled.
"I know, I know, but I'm in a bind where if Burlane learns I'm transitioning species, he's gonna try and use that to fire me. I lose my sponsored visa, and then I'm double fucked because I won't have access to gems at all."
Twilight grimaced, and shook her head. "You need to talk to me about these things. I can figure something out if you like."
"No, no, I'll be okay. I'll be fine. I just.. if I can handle it till the project is done, I'll quit and.. move here or something. I dunno."
She tapped her hoof to her chin thoughtfully. "I suppose that's understandable.. but I don't like it. Can you please at least have another gem, for now?"
"Hey, actually, yeah. Take the one I'm using, I can get another later. You need it. Catch!" Jer tossed it over to Twilight, who caught it in her magic.
She floated my next dose to me. I sighed, and accepted. As long as it didn't accelerate the growth.
"Spike cares about you, you know. He really hates to see you starve. "
"I know."
"Do you care about Spike?"
"I.. I do."
"Then why are you doing this?"
"Cuz I didn't expect to start turning into a dragon a few weeks ago. I'm running on improv here, and I wanna at least come out the other side ready for the potential fact that I might not be employed next year."
She huffed, angry with something. Probably me. "It's obvious this is hurting you. And it's going to keep hurting you and everyone you love if you keep this up."
I kept the gem, but didn't eat it.
Wednesday, week three.
My horns had grown a little from that gem on Thursday, so I opted for having a bit of gem dust instead. I had crushed the gem Twilight gave me and licked some every other day, and while it didn't feel like I was dying anymore, it was still not enough for my dragon blood. I was back to being horridly woozy.
"Dammit." I growled as I looked myself in the mirror. I bared my teeth at myself, and found an immense quantity of gender feelings. Those teeth looked fucking spot on for what I wanted. I heaved a sigh. Maybe I could go for gem dust twice a day..?
I nodded to myself in the mirror, and they looked miserable.
Later that night, I went to go chill with Spike again. Matt was studying magic with Twilight and that other mare, and Jer was seemingly lost in a book on magical engineering. So, I ended up chilling with Spike.
"You look a bit better," he grumbled. "But I swear, if you don't keep up your gem intake.."
"Why do you care?" I snapped, stupidly. He looked rightfully upset.
"Because you're the only other dragon friend I know and I don't want you to die?! SHEESH!"
"..Sorry."
He sighed really hard. "It's fine."
I hated hearing that. I hated making him upset, but this was a delicate balancing act I was in. He'd heard my reasons already. I'd heard his arguments. He dropped the topic.
"..Can I see your hoard?" He asked.
I smiled for the first time in a good while. "Hell yeah."
We went up to my room. My head spun with each step.
"...and so this album, The Moon and Antarctica, was the starting point of Modest Mouse's work under an official label, and at the time a lot of fans were worried that the authenticity of their rawness and emotion would evaporate under the siren's call of big money, but nowadays it's agreed to be the best album yet."
Spike paid rapt attention to my ramblings, seemingly genuinely interested in what I had to say. "And what do you feel about it?"
"Well, I'm no Anthony Fantano, so I'm not about to give their most critically acclaimed album a B-tier, but it's not my favorite. That would actually go to Strangers To Ourselves, which was the second to last album. To me, that was the perfect blend of production and..."
Next thing I knew I was on the floor, and Spike was hunched over me.
"Sal! Sal!!"
I looked up at him.
"How many claws am I holding up!?"
"S.. seven.." I moaned. My head was pounding.
"Oh, thank Celestia.."
He relaxed and lay down next to me. We stayed quiet, but I could tell from the grip on my scales that he was more than worried by now.
He was scared.
I was too.
By the end of the third week, Spike had enough.
"Sal!" He shouted, carrying what was definitely a small cup full of gems towards me. "I gotta talk to you, right now!"
I tensed up, and almost made to run, but he was already up in my grill.
"Why in Tartarus are you still starving yourself?!" His wings flared and his fins seemed to spread wider.
"I'm not--"
"Yes you are! Snap out of it!! You can't just ignore your own body! Every time I've hung out with you these last few weeks, you've been in an awful condition!! You're pretty much killing yourself!!"
"I can't afford to lose my job, dude!! I'm on a sponsored work visa, if I get fired, I get sent back to America!"
"WHO CARES!" He shouted into the air, throwing his arms up in frustration. "Twilight could probably find some stupid loophole or something!"
"My boys might not be able to get a job here, and I can't abandon --"
"Matt and Jer have been worried sick about you too! Twilight's noticed you having trouble at work!! You're in pain, everyone can see it! Stop trying to be stupidly selfless!"
"I, I,"
I mean shit, he had a point, but I still felt queasy about the risks. My life had always been about keeping my head down, not making a fuss, staying quiet. It was easier that way. Spike had enough of my hesitation.
"Sal, I swear to Celestia that if you do not eat these I'm going to force feed you them myself!!"
He had this look in his eyes. His snout curled up into a snarl, bunching up at the base like a dog snout does. His tail lashed side to side.
And then I made a really stupid choice.
I turned tail and ran.
----------
The brain goes into a panic easily. Being chased by a four-foot-five-inch dragon down the streets of a somewhat unfamiliar town makes a brain very panicked, even if that dragon cares about you.
An ancient lizard in my brain screams to run, run and never stop, and I comply. I scramble up a wall, claws dig into wood and thatch, and I make it to the roof.
Scurry across it, jump from roof to roof, hear the shouts and protests of ponies below me, make the mistake of looking behind me. Spike has the advantage, he is like Mario with it, jumping the gaps with ease.
Super Mario, baby! Super FUCKING Mario.
"FUCKING MOVE" my neurons scream. My muscles kick back into gear, and I make to slide down the roof into the street.
Hardcore parkour, I remember the training I took on how to fall, I tuck my head in and roll, my arms and legs take the majority of the bumps and scratches, those scales proving beautifully tough, even when starved.
Starved. I'm starving myself. I'm so, so, hungry. I grow more exhausted. He has the advantage, he's fed, he is stronger. His wings spread from the rooftop, the fucker can fly, another advantage. Adrenaline goes into the afterburners, I'm running on empty.
I wonder if this is how the gazelle must have felt as primordial man jogged towards it for the fifth time on its final day.
He's closer, closer, too close, still flying.
Impact. Pain.
It's a mess of tangled limbs, wrestling me, he has an extra limb. His tail snakes around my legs; his arm, it's stronger, holds one of mine down. He holds the gems in the other. His legs are so damn sturdy. I can see the muscles at work.
He could kill me right now. He looks pissed enough to do it.
My other arm is still flailing out of panic, the last bastion of escape. He tries to feed me them, my arm is too much of a problem, keeping his hand away. Maybe, just maybe, I can-
He pulls back, shoves the gems into his own mouth, and grabs my other arm.
He leans in.
It's a multi-faceted taste. A twisting kaleidoscope, I can't even put words to the flavors. It is the rainbow, and motherfucker, I can taste it.
I can taste his spit, too.
Everything ached.
But it was a dull ache that indicated that the pain would leave in good time. My scales were now up to my shoulders and hips, and all my joints felt re-established. My horns were visible now, poking out of my hair.
I twitched the little nub that was my tail.
I leaned back against the tree I was sitting under.
I looked into the sky, and saw the slow developments of my snout. My nose was poking out a bit more, and my chin was spread a bit more outward and horizontal.
The sun was high in the sky, shaded perfectly by the tree. Ponies and a few other humans passed by, the general din of life a soothing little rhythm to my ears.
"Sal," Spike croaked. "Why?"
I was quiet for a while.
"I'm scared, Spike."
"Do you think you're alone in this?"
"...I guess I do."
"Why?"
".. I'm the only one turning into a dragon in the worlds, man. I'm in a transient state. I'm not Equusian or Earthling. All within the span of a few weeks. I'm not ready. I wanted to slow it down until I was."
Spike was quiet for a bit.
"You wanna know a secret?"
"What?"
"If you wait for the right time, you'll die before it shows up."
"... Yeah.. fair." I groaned.
A few minutes passed before Spike said anything else.
"You know, that chase was kinda fun." He chuckled.
"Really?"
"Really. I didn't expect you to climb the wall like that."
"I know parkour, mothafuckaaaaaaa."
He laughed. We stayed silent for a bit.
"Why'd you even run?" He finally asked.
"Well.. you looked like you were gonna kill me."
"Nah. Everypony would have my head if I killed you. Kick your flank? Yeah, I definitely wanted to do that."
"Mm."
"..I hear humans kill each other often."
"Yeah. The equicide to homicide ratio must be insane. Humans can't go ten years without some armed conflict somewhere."
"Twilight told me it used to be way worse, before Equestria. Lots of nasty stuff, war, torture, hatred.. worse things. Things probably not good to mention in public."
I thought about Matt for a moment.
"Yeah. Worse things. Dunno why Twilight thinks this worldgate shit's a good idea." I screwed up my mouth.
"'Cause the magic of friendship can solve any problem. At least, on this planet, it can."
More silence.
"Just .. don't do this again, okay Sal?" He pleaded softly.
"I won't. You fed the gems birdie style to fix it, dude. Kinda can't top that with a round two."
"Oh, yeah, I bet you'd *~love~* a round two." He elbowed me.
"Pfft-! Shut, the hell, your mouth!" I said, before breaking into laughter with him.
We eventually calmed down and leaned back on the tree to keep on chilling. He placed his claw on mine.
"That Burlane boy's back in town. He's your boss, right?" Applejack asked us.
We looked up from our dinner plates at her. She'd invited us over for dinner with her family, apropos of nothing beyond being a friendly neighbor.
Heheh. Neigh-bor.
"Yeah," Matt answered, scratching his fuzzy facial hair, "But he's a boss in the way that a video game character is a boss. Rude, destroys lives, can be beat with a really specific strategy."
"Not quite a good leader then." Applejack chuckled.
"We didn't even know he was out of town in the first place." Jer frowned. "What tipped you off anyways?"
"Well, he done yelled at my big sister at the train station." She gestured over to the absolute hulk of a lady, who kept quiet. Orchard Blossom, I think her name was. She looked absolutely despondent.
My heart went out to her. This was probably one of her biggest fears made manifest. Mine too, I suppose.
"That young'n don't know th'meanin' o' respect for nopony! Walks around like he owns Canterlot, he does!" Applejack's old lady crowed. "No creature calls my grandaughter a freak n' gets away with it! If I see him again, you bet your bits I'm fixin' to wallop his sorry keister!"
"Can we help?" Matt joked. "Actually, scratch that, he'd fire us, and we can't afford to lose our jobs."
"Now why's that, Sonny?" The old mare asked.
"Dunno if you keep up with the news, lady, but the economy is busted." Matt began. "A big plague hit our country a few years back and everyone had to stay home. Didn't even really work, a huge chunk of the country still got infected. As a result, a lotta jobs got shelved and never brought back. Hence, the whole thing about us trying keep our heads down under that jerk, Burlane."
"Now I reckon y'all've had yer shots?" She eyed us with suspicion.
"Yes ma'am." Jer nodded.
"And rightly so! Wouldn't want no one gettin' my dear sweet grandaughters sick. Why, back in my day, we'd have sold one'o'our kidneys for one o' dem cures, so you whippersnappers oughta be grateful!"
We nodded.
Moving away from the topic, Applejack regarded my claws. "Reckon you found yourself a solution to your dysphoria, huh, Sal? How's yer transition?"
Orchard perked her ears up and looked at me.
I nodded, and pulled my sleeve back, showing the scales off. The little kid - Applebloom? - just said "Whooaaaaaa!"
"It's gonna slow down a bit as more of the gems are dedicated to maintaining what's already transformed, but all of my limbs are draconic now. Torso and head are still a work in progress." I explained.
"Woulda been less of a WIP if you didn't starve yourself." Matt muttered.
"I was scared, okay??" I defended. "You guys are in my corner, but I dunno how the rest of the world would react!"
Orchard Blossom cleared her throat. "Well, I-" she had a deep voice, but I could tell she trained it to be more feminine. "I was scared too, y'know. But.. my family done showed me the world has less power than the ones who back ya up."
Jer nodded. "Hey, yeah, she's right. We got your back, Sal." To that end, my boys slapped me on the back to reassure me.
"And ah sure as shootin' do too!" Applejack nodded. "N' Twilight and Spike, and I reckon the rest of my friends would support you without a second thought. Y'all ain't alone."
I smiled.
I was back at my desk, full steam ahead. Reinvigorated, full, and alive once again. I was catching up on the work I had slowed down on these last few weeks. And I was going a mile a minute.
That's when I noticed something.
Jer wasn't at his desk. I looked around the room and didn't see him anywhere.
"Hey uh, where's Jer?" I asked Matt.
"He was working on a project last night. Slept in." Matt said.
"A project?? What kind?"
"I'm not surprised you didn't notice, you were catatonic. He's on that Michael Reeves shit again."
"No fucking way. He hasn't built a fucked up robot since high school."
"I know, right?" He snickered. "Apparently he ran into that Rainbow lady a few days ago and saw her pet turtle. Tortoise. Whatever."
"Isn't Rainbow a .. professional aviator? Like she's trying out for this country's version of the blue angels?"
"Yeah."
"So how does she care for the tortoise?"
"He can fly." Twilight answered from her desk, going over my work to ensure I was still accurate.
I was stunned.
"No way. You're fucking with me."
"I'm not. I took a gem, enchanted it with a spell, then attached it to these tiny propellers. He's like a little drone."
"You're serious??"
"One hundred percent."
"So, what, he's geeking out about gem enchanting now--" I started to say, but then,
"GUYS!" Jer burst into the room. "I wanna show you something, ven acá!"
Oh he was getting really autistic with this. He only spoke Spanish when excited.
"'Come here'? Why?" Twilight asked.
"I figured out something cool!!"
There was a drone in the room, with a tasty looking orange gem beneath its carriage. To the left was an anvil. Like a straight up, almost cartoonish anvil.
"So, like, logistically, I'm not supposed to be actually reading the books, just transcribing them, but I read that whole thing about how gems can be enchanted via language slash spells and affixed to objects, ¿verdad? Pues, yo.. no, mira."
He picked up the controller, switched on the drone, and then maneuvered it over the anvil. He pressed a button, and the damn thing was lifted up by the gem. He piloted the anvil slowly around the room, then placed it back down, and turned off the drone.
We were stunned.
"How the fuu..!" Matt sputtered.
"It was easy! I read that each gem is like a snowflake, every imperfection and deviation in color giving it a unique signature. From there, it was just a matter of coding an algorithm hooked up to a laser to measure this gem's unique frequency, connecting that frequency to the drone, and then making sure the gem stays put so the connection isn't lost!"
He flipped the drone over to reveal the gem was duct taped to the chassis.
"And this is like one of those cheap thirty dollar drones! By all rights that shouldn't work, but it did!!"
Jer was stomping the ground and waving his free hand a bit, and for a moment I forgot what that behavior signified.
He was stimming. For the first time in half a decade, his autism sparked back to life after being suffocated by American values of normalcy and productivity. He looked profoundly brighter, even, like my budding magic could pick up on the fact that he was suddenly alive again after a time where he just put on a fake smile to pretend he was always okay.
He hopped around in excitement, and he jumped over to us, and we joined in on his hype, the three of us holding each other's shoulders and cheering.
How damn lucky am I that I lived to see this happen?
Matt was still trying to learn how to do magic. No matter how he flicked his hands, though, the apple would not budge off the table.
"This would be easier if we turned you into a unicorn." Starlight said. Twilight seemed kinda indignant about that remark.
"Yeah, I bet you solve all your problems like that. Just warp my bones! Make me walk weird, it's FIIIINE." Matt sarcastically cheered.
"I dunno dude, I'm handling it pretty well." I smirked. "Sounds like a you problem."
He smiled and flipped me the bird.
"I know you're doing well on your studies, I just don't know why you're not able to conduct any magic through your body.." Twilight mused. Matt joined in, scratching his chin again.
"Probably the same reason we use planes to fly. We just don't have the tools built in. And if that's the case .." Matt moved over to where that big ass branch was sitting.
"You kept that?" I asked.
"Duh. Big ass stick? It's what all the greatest wizards use. Dresden. Gandalf. Merasmus. Taako from TV."
"Taako had an umbrella." I pointed out.
"Still a big ass stick." Matt countered.
"Touché."
"You're suggesting an implement?" Twilight tilted her head. "To compensate for your lack of a natural magic outlet.. That's.. huh. That makes sense. Give it a try!"
Matt held the staff aloft and made the face of a wizard attempting a big spell. My draconic blood picked up on power gathering upon his staff; He sucked in a big air of breath, before slamming the stick down with intent, and shouting, "MOVE!", projecting his voice so that it echoed throughout the room.
The apple was whole and sitting on the table one moment, and vaporized against the wall the next.
...
"Well, you have the power, it seems. Next, we can focus on controlling and metering out that power!" Twilight smiled, "Spike, could you please..?"
"On it." Spike got up from his bean bag and went to hunt down a mop. I followed.
As we left the room, I heard Matt cackle, mad with power, the sound echoing like a villain in his lair.
"That doesn't sound good.." Spike mused.
"He'll recover. He was like this when he first went hunting for food."
"What, like, hunting-hunting?"
"Yeah. Nailed a buck, skinned its fur for warmth, ate the meat."
"Don't you all live in that United States place? There's food everywhere there!"
"Yeah, but for a while, Matt was homeless in the rural parts. His dad.. he died of lung cancer, and left the house he owned to his shitty girlfriend at the time. Left Matt nothing but his hunting supplies. It took us a good two years to rescue him and get him to where we live now. Economy shit."
"Wow.. what a jerk!"
"You don't know the half of it. I'm pretty sure the will included the statement, 'Go learn to be a man.' Real piece of work, that guy. Doesn't even top the things he did to Matt."
"Like...?"
"Things not good to mention in public." I frowned.
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."
"He's still here, at least. He stuck around for Jer and me."
".. And is it the same for you?"
"Yeah. My boys kept me going. None of us would be alive without the other two. We made a pa- a promise. A promise to.. y'know, not beef it."
"Were you.. suicidal..?" He gingerly asked.
I stopped walking, and sighed. Spike stopped and turned to look at me.
"Yeah. Tried once, because I thought I'd never make it to my twenties anyway," I quietly continued, "and some days, I still don't think I'll make it to twenty-five."
Spike gave me the manliest hug he could muster. "Don't say that." he whispered.
"Well I'm still here, for now."
Not exactly the smartest thing for me to say. Spike looked up at me with a mixture of rage and sorrow. I could see the words in his eyes, burnt up by emotion and mixed into an incomprehensible pile of ashes. I returned the hug, and tried to answer the unspoken bequest.
"I'll try. That's all I can really promise to anyone."
"Thanks. If you.. did that, I'd.."
"Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry."
We stayed there, hugging, and forgot about the apple stain for a while.