//------------------------------// // Get Shrunk // Story: Princess I Shrunk The Human - also there’s an an army of spiders under my house // by Burt //------------------------------// Anon hates Mondays. Say what you want about that orange cat back home and his poor eating habits, but he was right when it came to the terrible no good day that was Monday. So of course it was the day Anon had off from his job. He doesn’t get Sunday’s off anymore, not after what he did to Celestia’s birthday cake. Thus!the day didn’t really feel like a free one. Usually he didn’t mind a day off, especially in a place like Ponyville, where it seemed like every single godforsaken pony was trying to kill him. Okay maybe not literally kill him. They’re far too innocent for that. But most days, especially when The Mane Six were around, things tended to go fuck tit sideways. But it’s always worse on Mondays. It’s such a shame then, that 90% of Anon’s friend group is The Mane Six and now all his days off work are on a Monday. An apt punishment and dastardly move by Celestia. She meant to seriously limit the amount of fun he could have. At least the kind of fun that wouldn’t end in catastrophe. But Anon loves to tempt fate. If fate was sticking it to Celestia. You think he’s scared of that oversized dove?! She might’ve not made the punishment permanent—and he would've, if he was her—but Anon curses the broad anyways. “Hey Fluttershy,” Anon slams the door to said timid pegasus’ home open. “You wanna hang… out?” Fluttershy was dangling from her ceiling. By the neck. Her fur looked more akin to Twilight’s at the moment. “Uh…” Anon blinks rapidly. “You good bruh?” The Pony’s shut eyes suddenly open, and she’s waving at him. “Oh hi Anon, I’m just strengthening my neck muscles. Berry the Bear gets handsy sometimes.” She hums. “What do you need?” There’s a drooling, quite hungry looking bear in the corner of the house. Staring at Anon. Was he licking his chops? Anon gulps. “Oh I was just… checking up on you ha ha, I’m—gonnagonow!” He exits the house, slamming his back against the door to close it. He sighs. Twilight’s house it was. Why does he even bother? Twilight, once again, abused Anon’s free time by testing some kind of spell on him. `Oh it’ll be just a small spell, this time!’ And `It’s nothing serious!’ It never ends well, and yet Anon said ‘yes’ to her. He always said yes to her. He knew what the outcome would be. They always ended with something screwy happening… Secretly, he hoped one spell might give him super powers or something. But no. He’d get blasted by Twilight and find something on or in himself that had been changed. Maybe it was a change in eye color, or a different pitch in voice… one time it even changed him into a pony. Anon still shivers from that day. But this? This was far more demeaning. “YOU’RE SO CUTE!” The now massive Twilight said, letting out a loud squee as she looked down at Anon. Nearly bursting his eardrums. She fucking shrank him. And now his sense of hearing was fucked because of it. Her voice sounding like Smaug mid transition. He couldn’t believe this. “I’m not cute Twilight, I’m a badass human who doesn’t take shit from nobody!” Anon shouts as angrily as he can. But to the purple unicorn, he’s just screeching in a tiny high pitched voice. “And your voice is hurting my ears!” Twilight’s grin widened, before she let out another warble and began to hold her cheeks with her hooves. “OH CELESTIA, YOUR VOICE IS ADORABLE!” She giggles, and it sounds like rocks bumping and grinding against each other. Anon grits his teeth. ’Why does god hate me so much that he would force something so cruel upon my mortal soul? I only stole candy from a baby like once! And even then, at least I wasn’t kicking dogs!’ He crosses his arms indignantly. He was not cute. He looks away from her and let out what was supposed to be annoyed huff, but it just came out like another squeak. She pranced in place, the earth rumbling below her hooves. “OH, WE HAVE TO SHOW THE OTHERS!” Anon freezes, stiffening. He could feel a dread start to work it’s way in his very soul. Hell. No. he will NOT allow this. He would rather die. If Rainbow Dash or Applejack saw him like this he’d never hear the end of it. He snaps his head towards her and growls, straightening his back as he tries to appear as threatening as he could—as threatening as a miniature green man could be—and yelled up towards the purple pony. “I’ll kill you!” Any effect his shout might’ve had was lost once his voice broke. ”Damnit.” He mutters. Twilight looked like she was about to burst into laughter. “OH REALLY?” She playfully mock. Before picking Anon up with her magic and bringing him closer. “COME WITH ME, RARITY HAS TO SEE THIS!” … ’FUCK’ She grinned again. “MAYBE YOU AND HER CAN PLAY DRESS UP!” NO. she placed Anon on her back. Where he immediately ran up her neck passing her head and onto her snout. Twilight went cross eyed while trying to look at him. “You’ll never take me alive!” He starts punching her nose. Where she immediately sneezes and tosses him across the room. Anon felt the wind squeal past by his ears before it abruptly stopped, forcing the air from his lungs. His heart told him that he shouldn’t do that again. Screaming at him through the racing blood in his ears. Anon was thankful something caught him. That something being the couch. But his thankfulness wanes as he begins to slowly sink between its thick cushions. And his terror increases ten fold. ’What if there were spiders underneath the cushions?’ He starts to scream, flailing his arms around as he did so. “Twilight!” Anon bellowed, sinking deeper. “Please don’t let the couch eat me!” “ANON?!” The purple sneeze machine gasped. “ANON HOLD ONTO SOMETHING!” She plods her way to the little man as quickly as she can. “Just use your magic!” Anon squeals, his grip on the cushions rapidly deteriorating. “Please for the love of god don’t let this couch vooooore meeeeee-“ His fingers fail him. “ANON!” Twilight shouts. But he was already gone from her sight. *”Oof!”* Human extraordinaire, Anonymous, finds his ass planted on the spongy inside of the couch’s linen lining. Muted, he could hear Twilight outside. He grunts, looking around, and quickly finding the whole place rather cozy. “Well this isn’t so bad, actually-“ And then the linen snaps and he falls. Again. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHH-“ Anon suddenly coughs and clears his throat. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” Then he runs out of breath this time and takes another deep breath before continuing to scream once more. “AAAAAHHHHHH, AAHH, AAAAaaahh, AAAAAAHHHH! Shit man this isn’t suppose to go this far down, right?” Anon was absolutely correct, the couch did not go down that far. But the secret spider tunnel that sat under it, did. Twilight tears the cushions away with her magic, before her eyes widen. “Anon?” Pupils dart everywhere, but there’s no sign of her human friend. Then she spots the tear that led deeper. “Anon, are you ok?!” He must have fallen to the bottom, she just had to lift the couch and he should just be sitting there. Right? Her horn flashes. And the entire couch has lifted. No sign of Anon. She looks up confused. There, the tear went all the way through. She shakes it a little, but nothing. “A-anon? Where are you?” She begins to panic. Once again shes scanning the floor, looking for any sign- And she spots the hole in the floor. It was definitely big enough for Anon to have fallen into it. He was gone. And it was her fault. Twilights ears press to her skull. “I-I need to send a letter the princess.” And she winces. “Oh this is just the worst…” How does one explain to a princess that an endangered species fell through the floor due to a spell gone awry? The pony’s head droops. Shamefully. She assumed. “Man it really goes down, doesn’t it?” Anon whispers. His back facing the seemingly never ending void, the light above since diminished. The air continues to rush past his ears, and it’s so loud it almost hurts. He allows his mind to wander. Where did the hole come from? Why was it in Twilight’s library? Did it even end, or would he end up getting as close the planet’s core possible, before melting? Didn’t pony hell exist? Was that where this hole led? Anon sighs internally. ‘Well, at least the fall is definitely terminal. I would hate to cripple myself horrifically and be stuck underground with no light.’ He shivered. Then again maybe he would freeze to death. The swooshing air was getting pretty chilly… hey, was it getting brighter? Blinding light! Anon’s arms come to cover his eyes. Guess he’d been falling long enough for his eyes to adjust to the pitch black. ‘Wow, who turned on the sun?’ What was once a narrow hole seemingly leading to the centre of the earth opened up into a massive cave, lit with hundreds if not thousands of glowing mushrooms. Some pretty gnarly stalactites too… oh, hello rapidly approaching sharp looking cave floor! Panicking, the human starts to enter a spin, twisting helplessly in the air as his doom gets closer and closer. “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH- *Oof!*” The breath is suddenly driven from Anon’s lungs, as something… breaks his fall? Swaying hard enough to feel sick, the man feels as if he’s been caught by a hammock of some kind… but despite the jostling of his fall, it was like he was stuck to it. “Huh…” He stares up to the sky. “I’m… I’m alive?” Beginning to laugh he feels his body begin to tremble. “I’m alive! I’m alive! Ha ha! Oh man that was almost bad… guess I better see where I am.” But in trying to stand, Anon realizes he was stuck to the hammock. “What the-“ Suddenly, a harrowing skittering began to echo all over the cave. It is then in terror, looking to the side, Anon realizes the ‘hammock’ is a massive spider web. “No. No. No, no, no, no no no NO!” Desperately trying to free himself, the sound gets closer and closer. “C’mon. C’mon!” He squeaks, fingers clawing at the material at his back. But freedom never came by his own hands. *RIIP.* With a gasp, Anon falls a few more inches onto the hard ground. Breathe driven from his lungs as his back strikes stone. He winces in pain, but knows he has no time to rest. There was something here, chattering ahead of him. And his body is drenched in cold sweat as he slowly looks up. Shivering as a multitude of sharp, spindly legs give way to course hair and a blackened body. And then— Eyes. “…HELLO THERE.” It awkwardly clicks. Anon feels his blood run cold. He whines. The monster from his worst nightmare blinks its eyes, but not all at once, it’s like a wave. Sending revulsion through the human. “Ah… ah… ah…” Anon gapes like a fish. “Oh my fucking GOD!” He screeches, kicking against the floor as he drags himself away from the creature. Survival instincts howling at him to get away. “BE NOT AFRIAD.” The behemoth arachnid bellows, and it’s enough to make Anon’s whole body shudder. The voice was like spilt tar slipping over shattered tarmac. Rough and oily. Anonymous wheezes. “This is the scariest moment of my life!” Where he then begins to hyperventilate. “P-Please don’t eat me. Please don’t eat me!” The massive fuck off spider skitters into Anon’s personal space within the blink of an eye, towering over him. He shrieks and throws his hand out, as if to protect his face from the monster. “PLEASE DONT EAT ME!” “BE NOT AFRIAD-“ “PLEASE DONT EAT ME!” “BE NOT AFRIA-“ “PLEASE DON’T EAT ME!” “BE NOT AF-“ “PLEASE DON’T EAT ME!” “BE NOT-“ “PLEASE DON’T EAT ME!” “BE-“ “PLEASE DON’T EAT ME!” “…” Over a dozen eyes stare at Anon, unblinking. The beast is frozen still. “…” Two trembling eyes brimming with tears stare back, which shouldn’t be possible considering Anon didn’t really have a face. “…” “BENOTAFRAID?” The spider quickly blurts out. “WAHHHHH!” Anon starts ugly crying. “WE… WE MEAN YOU NO HARM-“ “WAAAAAAAAAHHH!” Snot starts to slowly drip to the cave floor. “PLEASE STOP… PLEASE STOP YOU ARE FRIGHTENING THE CHILDREN!” The spider trembles in disgust. “AND THE LIQUID POURING OUT OF YOU IS QUITE GROSS.” Anon sobs. “You’re frightening me!” “I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING!” “You’re standing there, menacingly!” “THIS IS JUST HOW I STAND.” Suddenly there are more skittering. As quick as the eye can see, a dozen smaller—still giant—spiders crawl out of the many holes in the cave walls and congregate behind the larger one. “mother, mother, mother!” Their scruffy voices all hiss in unison. “who is this invader?” This makes Anon curl up into a ball and rock back and forth. ThiscantbehappeningrightnowohmygodtheyregonnafuckINGEATME!” He squeals. “WAAAA- gah, WAAH, *hiccup* AAHHH! *hic* Guh, WAaaahh!” His voice warbles, pathetically. “HE IS A POOR LOST SOUL, HE’S… UH… JUST A TAD BIT FRIGHTENED. DO NOT FEAR-“ “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” “easy food, easy food, easy food?” Their voices echo by the hundreds. “NOooo!” Anon’s voice cracks in fear. God, he really was just a fountain of tears wasn’t he? “Pleaaasee!” The spider stomps one of its many legs onto the stone below. “THERE WILL BE NO EATING THIS LITTLE CREATURE. IT HAS BEEN DECREED!” They all chitter sadly. “yes mama, yes mama, yes mama.” “HE IS A GUEST.” “yes mama, yes mama, yes mama.” “YOU WILL NOT EAT HIM.” “yes mama, yes mama…” Their voices slow and grow quieter. “NOT EVEN A NIBBLE.” “…yes mama.” The army of spiders seem to mope suddenly. “NOW APOLOGIZE FOR SCARING HIM.” “sorry, easy food.” “HE IS NOT FOOD.” “yes mama, yes mama, yes mama.” “NOW APOLOGIZE. TRULY, THIS TIME.” “sorry, not food.” “THAT IS BETTER.” The Queen Spider seems to nod, before leering back at the near catatonic human. “YOU WILL NOT BE HARMED, GREEN CREATURE.” “Ah, ah… a-are you sure?” “YES.” “You promise?” “YES.” “Pinkie promise?” “YES.” “S-say it then. Pinkie promise.” “…HOW DOES ONE PINKIE PROMISE?” Anon numbly does through the motions. Like some kind of ritual he’s practiced a thousand times. “Swear on my heart, hope to fly.” He gestures to his face. “Stick a cupcake in my eye.” “I DO NOT KNOW WHAT ANY OF THAT MEANS.” “Just say it!” “THIS IS NOT A HEX, IS IT?” “N-no?” “WHY DO YOU SOUND UNSURE?” She chitters. “ARE YOU ATTEMPTING TO DECEIVE ME?” “No, I-I promise!” “DO YOU PINKIE PROMISE?” “Uh…” The spider stomps. “Pinkie promise!” Anon squeaks. “DO THE RITUAL.” “C-cross my heart, hope to fly,” Anon goes through the motions again. “Stick a cupcake in my eye.” Nothing happens. Although if you listened closely, you might’ve heard a giggle. “…FINE.” She clicks. “I PINKIE PROMISE NONE OF MY BROOD WILL CONSUME AND OR TAKE CHUNKS OUT OF YOU.” And then she starts to mimick the humans previous emotive movement. “CROSS MY HEART, HOPE TO FLY. STICK A CUPCAKE IN MY EYE.” Anon shudders in small relief. “Thanks…” He mutters. “NOW WE MUST GO.” “Go, uh, where?” “NOT HERE. THIS IS OUR FEEDING GROUND. THE LONGER YOU STAY IN THIS AREA, THE MORE… ANTSY MY CHILDREN MAY BECOME. THEY WOULD NEVER DISOBEY ME. BUT IM SURE YOU’D PREFER SOMEWHERE MORE COMFORTABLE.” Suddenly the spider snaps around. “STOP STARING AT HIM, IT CLEARY MAKES HIM ANXIOUS!” The little army of spiders chitter nervously, some of of them look amongst themselves, confused. ”look where else, look where, look where?” “NOT AT HIM- AUGH, MY CHILDREN I ASK THAT YOU FIND SOME MUSHROOMS TO CONSUME IN THE MEANTIME, LEAVE US BE!” She points in a random direction. In unison, all the spiders sigh. “mushrooms again, mushrooms again, mushrooms again.” But one voice in the back squeaks, cutting through the rest, “I love mushrooms!” Cleary, this one was far younger than the rest. Remiss to the cruelty of the world. Sensing this one’s mistake, all the other spiders zero in on the offending voice and swarm the speaker. There’s nothing left of them when the smoke clears. “WHAT I HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT GANGING UP ON YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS?!” Queen Spider roars. “ENOUGH, ENOUGH! BEGONE! NOTHING BUT MUSHROOMS FOR THE NEXT MONTH!” “awww…” They all whine, before quickly zooming into the many holes and pits all around the cave. Anon feels like he’s about to have an anxiety attack. FORGIVE ME. THEY MEAN WELL, BUT ARE EASILY EXCITED. NOW…” The behemoth spider moves slowly as if to not scare the human. Either way, he blanches as she leans forward, leering at him with those big eyes. “HOW ABOUT A TOUR OF MY CAVE?!” She suddenly wriggles excitedly. “I NEVER HAVE GUESTS!” The coo that escapes her sounds like a thousand rats screaming at once. “U-uh… sure?” “HAZZUH!” Princess Celestia blinks slowly. Once, twice—nay—thrice. “…you what?” She breathed. Gobsmacked. Bemused. Frazzled. “I… I shrunk the human.” “And then he fell through a hole… in your library?” The purple pony sat dejected at the table with her teacher, ears dropping sadly. Eyes staring into the cold tea that rested in her cup, untouched. “…yes.” “Twilight… this is troubling news.” “Yeah.” Celestia closes her eyes and takes a deep breath; despite her clam expression, her ethereal mane jerks behind her as if thrashing out in anger. “If he is harmed, and forgive me for being blasé, it would be your fault.” Twilight hunches lower. “Y-yeah…” “Not only would it would be your fault, I had made a promise to keep him accommodated; safe in your hooves. A royal promise. Not only will this reflect poorly on you, it will reflect poorly on me. Should anything terrible happen.” “…” “Anonymous is the only of his kind.” “…” “His race will be extinct if, Faust forbid, he perishes.” “…” “Twilight. My perfect student. My pride; my joy. This is a really bad predicament we’ve found ourself in.” Celestia’s left eye twitches as she opens both. “He must be found.” Of course, she had to play it off as if she was simply upset that an innocent, nearly extinct member of a species was in danger, which wasn’t a hard part to play because she was. But she internally screamed as her plans were now set onto a rocky foundation. Twilight becoming the root cause of an endangered species’ demise was not a skeleton Celesita wanted her student to have inside her closet, especially right when she was on the cusp of succeeding her as ruler. Not that she knew that yet. “I will be returning to Ponyville with you to help in your search.” “Y-yes princess!” “Then allow us to commence forth.” The princess stands. “With haste, my student. This situation must be handled with utmost care.” Celestia would never admit that Anon owing her a birthday cake may have also been a key motivation.