Dating Derpy


Wrong Crush!

Would you believe me if I told you that a month had passed, and I still hadn't won Derpy's affection? Well believe it, for it is horrid, but true. Craig had already been flown back to Virginia (his hometown), and it seemed as if Westlake was slowly dragging itself as the wintery year came crawling out of nowhere. Snow was blanketing almost every roof, and to make it extra worse, I hardly saw Derpy delivering anymore! I kept convincing myself that she was taking a holiday off and had been temporarily replaced by some smelly old man, but I was starting to doubt myself. I was now making my glum way toward a closed toy store, instantly remembering a toy train set my parents had gotten me at age six. Smiling at that memory, I turned away from the snow stained window and nearly ran into a telephone booth. It was ringing fiercely and no one was around to answer it. I slyly slipped into the booth and removed the phone from its cradle.

"Hello? Fredrick speaking," I said carefully.

"Fredrick, is that you? Wow! I've been trying to call you forever! Can you believe a month has passed? You sound so freakin' different." I blinked in surprise at how many questions this person was throwing at me. How'd he know my name?

"Why so silent, man? It's me! Craig! Your best friend!" the person continued. My mouth shot open.

"Craig? You sound so different," I breathed. "I can't believe it's really you!"

"People change in a matter of time, Freddy," Craig replied, a smile in his voice. "Oh hey, how's Derpy doing, anyway? I mean, how'd you work up the courage to win her heart? You think you could send me a few notes? 'Cause I—"

"Craig, I...I didn't get to tell Derpy how I really feel about her," I interrupted. "I just couldn't." Craig groaned on the other end of the line.

"Dude, it's been a month and you're still nervous?" he cried.

"I know, but when I finally came up with a good idea, she stopped delivering," I explained. "I'm guessing they temporarily replaced her for the winter holidays, but I'm starting to doubt myself. What should I do?" There was silence.


"I'm here, don't worry," Craig said exasperated. "Look, you're super lucky I'm taking a holiday from my job here. I saved a lot of money, so I'll be flying back to Westlake in three weeks. I'll see if I can get a sooner flight, okay?" I smiled.

"Thanks Craig," I replied happily. "What would I do without you?"

"Grow old, live with a bunch of cats, and die alone in a retirement home," Craig responded, which made me frown.

"Joking, joking," Craig quickly covered up. "You'd just be friendless and depressed 24/7. Now I gotta go. Don't wanna waste money on a phone bill instead of seeing you." Craig then hung up, and I placed the phone back on the hook and continued on with my walk.

Three weeks until I could see Craig? Even though he said he'd try to get a flight sooner, I knew it was tremendously my fault. If I hadn't waited a month, I could've had Derpy by now. I guess, no, I know that I deserve this torture. My feet stopped moving, so I canceled my walk and returned home to escape the freezing snow.

You'd think I'd be waiting a million years for Craig to show up, but miraculously he had kept his promise. In less than two weeks, I saw him rolling his suitcase toward a waiting me in the airport. Yet we didn't do the normal thing people do when they see their friends after a long time. Oh no. We got straight to business. First Craig took me to get a haircut and made me shave my first ever growing beard. We then went to a secondhand store and bought me some new clothes for my wardrobe. Once we reached my house, we kept role playing what I'd say to Derpy when I saw her. It was difficult and extremely disturbing, but I worked up enough courage and managed to say: "Derpy, I know you barely know me and all, but I've had a small crush on you when I first laid eyes on me. Wanna go out?"

By around six, Craig and I spent an enormously amount of time searching for Derpy. We checked the post office and asked if she had taken a holiday (yes, but they didn't know where she had gone); we checked various houses and asked for Derpy (only to be disappointed and not find her at all); and we checked the few public places, inside and out. No Derpy.

"Craig, we're never gonna find her," I complained as we leaned our backs against a brick wall.

"Yes we will. Think positive," Craig urged me, but I hardly heard him. All I wanted to do was go home, have a cup of coffee, and go to bed. My ears and nose were starting to get numb, and my hope meter was in the yellow zone. Even Craig looked like he was about to give up! Despite his encouragement he had given me, I could read his body language like a good novel. Just as I was about to head inside a nearby building to warm up, Craig nudged me in the shoulder.

"There she is!" he whispered excitedly. I shielded my eyes from the snow and almost screamed. Craig was right! Dressed in a snow coat, scarf, and mittens was none other than Derpy Hooves!

"Go on!" Craig badgered me. "Go!" He shoved me toward the freezing woman—who was now a foot away from us—and I nearly fell face-first. Ignoring that, I rushed up to Derpy, smiling.

"Hi Derpy," I said confidently. "Long time no see, huh?" Derpy rose her head.

"Oh, hi again Fred," she said.

"You can call me Freddy," I told her. "B-but that's not important! Listen Derpy, I have to tell you something." I cleared my throat.

"Have you ever wondered if a certain somebody would do anything for you? And he's not afraid anymore to tell you that he wants another chance to win your love. So what do you say?" I held my breath for a reply. Derpy was silent, then she slowly smiled.

"Will this person make me more muffins?" she asked hopefully. I laughed.

"He sure will!" I answered happily, holding my arms out for a hug.

"Then I accept!" Derpy cried, smiling widely now. I felt like I was practically glowing with delight. Finally, I had my Derpy now!

"Hugs?" I requested. Derpy nodded, but she didn't hug me. She ran right past me, nearly slipping on the icy sidewalk. I turned in her direction and saw her hugging Craig.

"Uh, Derpy? Wrong guy," I told her.

"No he's not!" Derpy insisted. "You told me this guy likes me! That's why I'm hugging him!" Craig looked at me for help.

"Yeah, I said 'somebody,' but I—"

"Come on, Mister Leather Jacket," Derpy was saying. Without warning, Derpy dragged my friend against his will toward a nearby diner. I stared after them in disbelief.

Well, my plan worked. For Craig! My feet felt like they were glued to the concrete. I willed them to work, but my brain was trying to process what had just happened. I felt like someone had kicked me in my stomach. Well, go after her! a voice urged me. I hardly took its advice. My feet had other plans. They began walking me back home, launching me deeper into the now beginning snow storm.