Whenever anybody mentioned the Crystal Empire to Joey, he was sort of expecting to see... you know, an empire. Instead he found himself staring confusedly at a city that was hardly even a mile wide. Maybe three quarters at best. The center of the place was dominated by a gigantic tower made from seemingly pure crystal, sitting awkwardly on four sprawling legs in a way that reminded him of the Eiffel Tower from his own world. All the buildings seemed to be made of the same, which was really bizarre and awesome at the same time.
As he and Cadance left the train a small squad of guards wearing some sleek looking silver armor seemed to pop out of nowhere. Joey remained behind Cadance, still feeling a bit stupid for passing out onto Cadance's shoulder. She seemed quite happy about it, and admittedly the sleep was good too. Still, it felt weird. She was a princess after all, was it really cool for him to be this formal?
"Your highness! Shall we get your luggage?" one of them asked, standing at attention.
Since when did guards become valets? Joey inwardly snickered at the idea.
Cadance turned to him with a questioning look. "Would you like them to take your bags?"
"Take them... where?" Joey asked shrewdly.
"To the room I have ready for you." Cadance replied blankly, blinking at him.
"I - sure? Just be really careful, please. There is some super valuable stuff in there." Joey sighed, surrendering his stuff. The guard bowed his head before signaling to some of his comrades and trotted off towards the palace. Joey assumed that was the palace, anyway. It was hard to see why it wouldn't be.
"Ready for a tour?" Cadance asked lightly.
"You're not gonna make a speech about me or anything, will you?" Joey suddenly asked, completely disregarding the princess's question.
Cadance raised her eyebrows, looking slightly shocked. "No - why would I do that? Announcing your troubles to everypony seems like one of the least helpful things I could do right now."
He slowly nodded and relaxed a smidgen. At least she could read the room. Still, how was she planning on helping him? He kind of just took her advice without thinking much. Then again, it was probably for the better that he was here rather than back in Las Pegasus.
For now, anyway.
"So - tour?" Cadance asked again, smiling at him.
"I can see most of it from here." Joey pointed out.
"I guess you actually have a point." Cadance hummed, staring out at the city. "Huh. Oh well. Maybe some rest would do you good?"
Joey shrugged, which the princess seemed to take as a yes. He followed her down a large street that led directly to the square that sat right under the huge palace. It only seemed to grow even more impressive the closer he got. As they walked closer, Cadance gave him a brief rundown on the Empire's history. Something something 'Crystal Heart', something something about a dude named 'Sombra'. Honestly, Joey didn't pay that much attention. He was too preoccupied with the stares they were getting.
It must be uncommon for their princess to be seen out on the street with a human at eight in the morning.
"Cadance!!" A masculine voice called out excitedly. A white stallion was bolting in their direction.
Joey stopped in his tracks out of instinct, but Cadance flung herself in the stallion's direction. They met in the center in a tight hug while Joey awkwardly observed.
"Did everything go alright? Is the human okay?" the dude asked. This must be her husband.
"Yes! It did!" Cadance replied with a happy nuzzle. "Joey agreed to stay here, actually! I told you it would be a good idea!"
Her husband looked over at Joey with a big grin. "That's awesome!"
"Wait - so they do this in public?" Joey whispered to the nearest pony. "Like - right there? Just like that?"
"Uh... sometimes?" the pony replied, seemingly halfway between bemusement at her leader and laughter at Joey's question.
"Dope. I guess."
"Joey, right?" the stallion said in a friendly tone as he approached and extended a hoof out. "I'm Shining Armor, Princess Cadance's husband."
"I noticed." Joey replied shrewdly. He then shook Shining Armor's hoof. "Charmed."
"Let's show you to your room." Shining said brightly as he led the way towards the main doors. "I don't know much, but it sounds like you need some rest!"
Joey sighed and followed the two of them inside, trying to ignore the guards standing attentively at equal intervals. What the hell was he getting himself into?
"...And here we are!" Cadance exclaimed, ushering Joey into a bedroom that was so much larger than anything he imagined. It even appeared to have its own bathroom.
"I... seriously?" Joey asked in slight disbelief. He turned to face the princess of love. "What's the catch? Seriously?"
Cadance sighed, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. "I know you're not used to help, but you need this whether or not you want to admit it or not."
"The last thing I'm gonna do is mooch off of royalty." Joey deadpanned.
"You aren't mooching, you're accepting help." she answered firmly.
Joey stepped into the room, noticing that his bags had been set against the canopy bed neatly. He didn't know what to make of this. How had he gone from rock bottom to being here? Was this really okay? Deep down he thought he probably did need to be away from Las Pegasus even though he longed to help make movies.
He slowly rotated, taking in every corner of this room he would be staying in. He slowly settled his gaze back on Cadance, who was looking at him with a somewhat motherly gaze. He felt so uncertain.
"Are you... sure?"
Cadance nodded, walking up to him and putting a hoof on his shoulder. "Take your time. This change is a very big one for you I'm sure, so there's no rush to make yourself comfortable. Unfortunately, I can't forgo some of my duties as princess - while my husband can manage in my absence, he really isn't suited for court." She giggled a little to herself before clearing her throat. "For now, please get some rest. I can't bare seeing those enormous bags under your eyes. Don't be afraid to call on myself or my husband if you have any questions or issues, okay?"
Joey nodded slowly, trying to process her monologue in his very tired brain.
Cadance turned to leave, but before she was out of the room she perked up again. "Oh! That's right! Miss Aquamarine, would you come here please?"
A maid immediately appeared at the princess's side with a bow. "Yes, your highness."
"Joey, this is Aquamarine Greentail. She will be your attendant while you're here." Cadance informed him, gesturing to the maid. Aquamarine bowed her head with a smile.
"You're giving me a maid??" Joey said incredulously. "Princess - er, sorry, Cadance - you don't have to go this far. The room and board you're giving me is way more than I ever could have asked for."
"Don't be so modest." Cadance giggled. "Besides, this is more for my piece of mind than it is for yours. I won't be able to keep my eye on you, and well... I have every reason to be worried about your well being right now." Her expression darkened slightly at that last comment, with a worried look in her eyes.
"You know what... fair enough, I guess." Joey sighed. "I'm not gonna argue with that. Sorry."
"Good!" she chirped. Turning to Aquamarine she said, "Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. I wouldn't try to baby him, however... try to take care of him. Send him to dine with my family at six this evening."
"Of course, your highness." the maid acknowledged, bowing once again.
Cadance gave them both a very warm and tired smile before heading off to her duties. There was an awkward pause between the human and his new maid. She stood there pleasantly while Joey shifted uncomfortably.
"Nice to meet you, Mr... Joey?" Aquamarine finally asked with a slight bow.
Joey snorted, causing her to look up slightly bemusedly. "I - sorry, that was awkward. Don't treat me like royalty, okay? I know I'm the princess's friend or something, but that doesn't make me one of them. Also yeah, my name's Joey."
"Gotcha, Joey." she confirmed, relaxing a bit as she righted herself. "I'm looking forward to working with you!"
"You don't seem very disturbed to be assigned to me." Joey observed with a nervous laugh. "It probably isn't every day that you get assigned to a human."
"Nope, first time!" the maid replied with a hint of enthusiasm. Weird. "I've been assigned to all sorts of species that come to the Crystal Empire as ambassadors. Besides, I read about what happened to you and your friends - awful. Then there was that magazine with you and..." she trailed off suddenly, looking very nervous.
A know formed in his stomach at the mention of the article, but Joey swallowed the feeling. "It's fine. Nothing we can do about it. But yeah, the other humans aren't really my friends... I was just their camera guy before we got stuck here."
"You... aren't friends with them?" Aqua asked.
"Nope. They're all friends with each other while I'm just kinda by myself." Joey replied with a slightly forced smile. "You know. Just me, myself and I. Heh."
"That's... so sad." Aqua said, flattening her ears.
"Improvise, adapt, and overcome." Joey sighed. "Whining about it never got me anywhere."
"Well then, I'll be your friend!" the maid said determinedly.
"I - okay? I guess?" Joey stammered, slightly taken aback by her enthusiasm. "You're rather energetic about this."
"I was unsure about you at first, I was only told that you weren't doing so well." Aqua explained. "As soon as I saw the way you looked... I dunno, I just wanted to help you. Have you seen yourself?? You look more tired than I've seen anypony in my entire life! You're also skin and bone - you definitely haven't been eating! Don't worry, Aquamarine is here to help!!"
"Um... yay?" Joey murmured, very unsure of how he should be reacting. Suddenly he found himself being headbutted gently towards the bed.
"Why don't you clean up and get some rest." Aqua said firmly. "Don't even try to argue, mister. You need sleep!"
Joey couldn't help but laugh at her antics. She seemed to have no trouble dropping the honorifics, which was nice. It felt less pamper-like now, but he supposed he would have to get used to the new large changes with time. As instructed, he took a quick shower and got dressed into some more comfortable clothes (Aqua insisted on helping, but Joey managed to lock her out of the bathroom before explaining to a befuddled maid why that wouldn't be okay).
As he climbed into the large, extremely comfy bed he glanced at the slightly sheepish Aqua. "You aren't going to watch me sleep, are you?"
"I wasn't planning on it. I could if you'd like me to." the maid replied unabashedly.
"Oh hell no - please, don't." Joey groaned, getting a series of giggles from her.
"Alright. I'll be very close, so if you need me just give me a holler. Okay?" she instructed, trotting over to the door. "If you're still asleep later, I'll wake you up for dinner with the princess and her family. Sleep well!"
As she quietly shut the door to his room behind her, Joey flopped back and let out a relieved sigh as he sank comfortably into the mattress. It was perfect. No back pain with this bad boy, that was for sure.
He laid there, wide awake and tired, as his brain went into turbo-thinking mode. He couldn't help it, he was trying to kill himself less than twelve hours earlier and now suddenly he was here. He closed his eyes, trying not to focus on the change. More than anything he wanted sleep. Needed sleep.
It may have seemed like a lifetime, but he finally succumbed to his own needs and drifted off.
Several hours later, Joey found himself unable to fall back asleep. It sucked since he still felt exhausted, but for the first time in a very long time he had a dreamless sleep. Perhaps it was the bed.
He took the liberty to explore the palace a bit, not seeing anyone really besides the occasional guard. After climbing an endless staircase (why he committed to this, who knows) he found himself in the open air. It was some sort of viewing balcony, except that he was very high up. Aside from a few pillars supporting the roof above, he could see in all directions. Looking down at the city, he whistled softly.
"Snowflake shaped? That's kind of bad ass." he murmured, examining the street patterns from his bird's eye view.
He watched the little specks below wander about, going about their daily life. What was it like, living a pony's life? It seemed so genuinely peaceful, carefree. Harmony is just a natural everyday aspect of life, something that contrasted so heavily with human nature.
So how could he manage to have such a shitty start in such a peaceful land? He was literally about to kill himself. He shuddered even thinking about it. He was genuinely thankful Cadance showed up to make him see sense... he owed her big time.
He stretched. Even though he was here and saved, what now? He still wanted to have the same career. Palomino Studios would have to suck his balls, he would find a way. Still, what about the meantime? How would he get to his end goal? He needed to think, the last thing he would let himself do is become a pampered, lazy good-for-nothing.
Well, he did want to recreate The Lord of the Rings for this world to enjoy. Maybe it was his nerdy side hoping for that, but he didn't care. Nerds are cool. Besides, he had already done his research - the only thing that this world had was something called Ogres and Oubliettes, a pony version of dungeons and dragons.
Even though it would be a new story for the world to enjoy, he couldn't just hypothetically make a movie and expect to have it take off. He needed a good rep, and currently his only rep was a derogatory article. Was it possible to even bounce back from that?
He sat up there for a while, mulling over these thoughts and ideas. At a certain point he started to think in circles, which was unsurprising for now. Can't have every single great idea in one day.
The sound of hooves clattering up the stairs behind him reached his ears. He turned just in time to see Aqua dash to the top of the stairs, panting hard. As soon as she saw him she seemed to visibly relax.
"You disappeared!" she said with a frown. "Don't scare me like that! You should have told me where you were going!"
"Who are you, my babysitter?" Joey scoffed. "Calm down, I'm not doing anything stupid. Just enjoying the view."
"The view?" she asked before quickly making an 'oh' face. "Oh right - the view. Amazing, isn't it?"
"Sure is something." Joey agreed.
"I bet it beats the Las Pegasus view." the maid continued, sitting next to him. "My sister Minty said it's great down there, but I still don't think it beats this view."
Joey froze. "Hold on - are we thinking of the same Minty?"
Aqua laughed. "I think so! My sister was very detailed in her letters about the human."
"Letters? Wait - like, clay-doll-show-performing Minty?"
"The very same!"
"That's crazy." Joey sighed, laying down on his back. "It's a small world. How's she doing?"
"By the sounds of it, a lot better after you told her to relocate her show." Aqua answered with a smile.
"I'm so glad to hear that! But wait, you knew about me before I came here?" he asked, raising an eyebrow with a sideways glance.
"Yeah, Minty was so happy that you helped her." Aqua sighed. "I figured that anypony who can help somepony else like that deserves good things."
"If only." Joey grunted. "That isn't reality, alas."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh - um, just - I dunno. Things have been rough. Hence why I'm here." Joey huffed. "I'm grateful and all, it just feels really weird. Almost wrong. Thanks for not being all formal and stuff, by the way."
"My job is to keep an eye on you when the princess can't, so making sure you're comfortable around me is a good start!" Aqua giggled.
"You giggle a lot. It's weird." Joey pointed out.
"Wh-What?? It's not weird! I can't help it!!" Aqua stammered. She calmed down a little once she noticed Joey let out a snort of laughter. "Oh, I get it. We have a funny guy."
"Call me the COHO - Chief of Heckling Operations." Joey followed up, smirking a little. "I think I get it from my dad. He was so ornery. I think I was the only one in the family who appreciated his humor. Well, to a bigger degree, anyway."
"He sounds like a funny guy!" Aqua agreed, seeming to do so for the sake of the conversation.
"Yeah, he was."
"Oh - I'm so sorry!" Aqua squeaked as her ears flattened. "I didn't know. Sorry for your loss, Joey..."
"Don't sweat it. It happened a while ago." he replied wearily. He sat up and started watching the city as the orange glow of the sunset began to wash over the buildings far below.
"Oh sweet Celestia! I need to get you to dinner!!" Aqua yelped, and grabbed the collar of Joey's shirt with her teeth. She yanked him to his feet before trotting off towards the stairs.
He begrudgingly followed, massaging the back of his neck while muttering swear words under his breath.