//------------------------------// // The Chef // Story: Castle Tales // by Goldfur //------------------------------// Twilight Sparkle hummed to herself, skipping down the Canterlot Castle hallway. The evolved changeling at her side smiled. “I can feel your joy like the warmth of Celestia’s sun, Your Highness.” The purple mare beamed as she glanced at her companion. “Yes indeed, Daffodil! The next Friendship Festival preparations are ahead of schedule, our Equestria has excellent relations with many others thanks to the dimensional portals, plus I just learned that the latest brood hatched by our breeders all got clean bills of health! Aaaaannnd… Thorax agreed this morning that a new princess is just what our thriving hive needs!” The changeling returned the smile. “I’m very glad to be able to take part in such an auspicious day, Your Majesty.” Twilight waved a hoof briefly. “Oh, and thank you for filling in today.” “Always happy to help.” She looked over her clipboard. “Between the training Moon Dancer gave me and her meticulous scheduling, everything is on easy mode until she gets back from vacation.” A scroll appeared in a flash of dragonfire in front of Twilight. In a practiced motion, she caught the scroll and opened it. After reading the contents twice, she sighed and teleported the message away. “Well, so much for easy mode. The Zebrican High Council is sending a surprise delegation… again.” The changeling nodded. “I remember that last time didn’t work out so well. Four hours of yelling at all three Triarchs, I think.” “Exactly. I’m not going to interrupt my co-rulers’ private time, so the elderly zebra mare will have to settle for yelling at me.” “Elderly mare? Did the message describe her?” Twilight nodded. “Twelve black stripes on the left side, thirteen on the right. Below average height. Small scar above her left forehoof. Permanent scowl.” Daffodil laughed. “I’m glad you had more than that last bit to go on. You’re describing Senior Counselor Ebony Gaze. I don’t think the Zebricans have sent one of the three senior council members before – even the Grogar crisis didn’t rate as important enough.” “The delegation will arrive around lunchtime.” The purple mare narrowed her eyes. “I wonder if something important has happened in Zebrica? I don’t recall anything from Celestia’s recent briefings. Please inform Chrysalis of the visit and have her tell me about anything that might have changed in the last two days.” Daffodil got a faraway look as she walked down the hallway. Several seconds later, she blinked and focused on Twilight. “Our drone in the Agency passed on the word and got the following reply back, ‘No.’.” Twilight snorted back a laugh. That was so like Chrysalis. After another few seconds of her eyes going unfocused, the changeling continued. “A further message, ‘Princess Twilight. Our intelligence on Ebony Gaze describes her as fiercely independent, doesn’t put up with ceremony, and does whatever she damn-well wants whenever she damn-well wants to do it.’.” Daffodil shook her head to clear it. “Would you like me to cancel Day Court?” “No. Ebony Gaze is coming to visit us. We’ll adjust our schedule as needed after she arrives.” Twilight had a thought and stumbled a step. After recovering, she said, “Fortunately, Day Court is in Canterlot today. I can’t imagine the fallout if a Zebrican High Council member ‘in need of a welcome party’ came to Ponyville.” As Twilight, Daffodil, and their two guards entered the Royal Dining Room, a voice bellowed out. “There you are!” The tallest minotaur Twilight Sparkle had ever met stomped across the floor. His spotless white jacket had been tailored to perfection and his likewise white fluted hat gleamed in the sunlight. “Welcome, Your Highness! I, Royal Chef Apicius stand ready to carry your taste buds away on flights of fancy. Please, Your Eminent Grace, challenge me! Let my staff pull you away into a ten-course ecstasy of gastronomic bliss.” Twilight laughed. “Oh, Chef! You always know how to brighten my day. Just the usual, please.” The minotaur seemed to shrink a few inches in all directions. “Ahhhh … of course. Plain oatmeal with plainer coffee.” “Ah, ah!” Twilight waved a hoof. “Don’t forget the fresh-squeezed citrus juice blend. I do enjoy that delightful concoction you introduced to me. But no more trying to slip vanilla or crystal berry extract in my oatmeal, please!” With a bow, Apicius said, “At once, Your Highness.” He turned on his heel and marched to the kitchens. Twilight expected her temporary advisor to go over the Day Court schedule. Instead, the ensuing deafening silence broke through the alicorn’s musings. “Wait. Did I do something wrong?” Daffodil shared a look with the one changeling guard before putting on a fake smile. “ ‘Wrong’, Your Majesty?” “You just called me ‘Majesty’ instead of ‘Highness’, despite my insistence not to do so while performing my Equestrian duties. I’ve observed this happens when someone of my hive is hiding something from me… over 80% of the time.” Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Do you need me to give you an order as your Hive Queen?” Daffodil glanced at first at the changeling guard then the earth pony one. Both kept very busy scanning the room for threats. Finally, she lowered her eyes and sighed. “It’s just… changelings used to enjoy working in the Royal Kitchens. But ever since Chef Consommé retired and Chef Apicius took over, this just… hasn’t been a happy place.” Twilight was very good at connecting the dots. “And I just made it worse.” The changeling guard spoke up. “By no means, My Qu— ah, Your Highness. You just… didn’t… make it any better?” He finished with an awkward smile. The alicorn stared at the guard until he started to fidget. She chewed her lip. “That’s exactly right, Arbalest. No better and no worse.” She turned away and faced the kitchen, missing the guard slumping in relief. Twilight tapped the floor with a hoof. “What I need to do is ‘think sideways’ as my co-ruler puts it. So, what are the pieces in play?” A few seconds later, the tapping stopped and Twilight trotted forward, causing Daffodil and the guards to hustle after her. Twilight entered the Royal Kitchens and scanned her eyes across the cooking stations. Just as it had been described, ponies, changelings, and a griffon stood around or poked listlessly at the few dishes being prepared. The large minotaur raised his head from supervising something a subordinate was stirring in a pot. “Your Highness! Preparations are –” The alicorn held up a hoof. “Never mind that. Something much more important has come up. For the first time in the history of Equestria, a senior member of the Zebrican High Council will be visiting Canterlot Castle.” Twilight paused as she looked around the room. To those watching, it seemed she was emphasizing the importance of the visit. In actuality, she searched her memory to check if what she said was true. In the end, she decided she had no idea. Best to press forward. “Chef Apicius, do you and your staff stand ready to prepare a lunch meal worthy of Ebony Gaze on this auspicious occasion?” The minotaur’s yell drowned out her final words. “Cardamom! Gather all vegetables from rows Z-ten through twelve! “Yes, Chef!” “Mortar! Pestle! You know where the Zebrican herbs are hiding!” “Yes, Chef!” in stereo. “Leavening! Have the interns gather wood! When you get back, start grinding spelt and amaranth!” “Yes, Chef!” “Who has the charcoal we prepared last month?” Twilight dodged to the side to avoid a galloping earth pony stallion, his chef’s hat flying off in the process. A quick levitation placed it back on his head before he rounded a corner. The purple mare grinned and closed her eyes. In a flash, the party of four appeared on the dais of the Throne Room. The alicorn took a deep breath and let it out. “Mission accomplished… for now.” She turned to her guards. “Arbalest. Staunch Legion. Arrange for both myself and Chef Apicius to stay informed of any updates regarding when the Counselor is expected to arrive.” The two bowed and hustled down the dais stairs then out the nearest door. Twilight sat on the throne and waived her advisor closer. “Who’s first on the docket today?” Thirty minutes before the scheduled end of Day Court, Twilight heard Daffodil clear her throat. Following the changelings’ gaze, the alicorn saw Arbalest jog up to the staff entrance to the Throne Room. He tilted his head to indicate somewhere behind him. Twilight nodded, not surprised at the Zebrican’s sudden unannounced arrival. The alicorn faced her supplicant. “Thank you, Lord High Station. I will need to do more research on your proposal. Please apply for the remaining permits required for the water park. If your project is approved, that will minimize any delays.” She did not say out loud what Moon Dancer’s research told her: the permits not yet requested were the ones least likely to be granted. The stallion bowed deeply with a smile. “Thank you, Your Highness.” Twilight smiled. “Good day to you, My Little Pony.” She raised her eyes and voice. “Day Court is concluded for today due to unforeseen royal business. The three remaining petitioners may choose to be heard first at Evening Court or be the first addressed tomorrow morning.” The Sergeant at Arms rapped the butt end of his spear on the marble tiles. “Day Court is adjourned!” The alicorn descended the steps to the throne and reached the floor at the same time an elderly zebra mare shoved Arbalest aside with her gnarled staff. A group of six zebras scampered in behind the mare, equally divided between guards and advisors, if the armor, halberds, and saddlebags full of scrolls were any indication. The zebra stopped a body length in front of the alicorn and her frown deepened. Twilight gave a respectful bow while keeping her eyes on the mare. “Greetings, High Counselor Ebony Gaze. As a triarch of Equestria, I, Twilight Sparkle, welcome you to our capital.” The silence stretched out with nothing more than an eye blink from the zebra. The alicorn continued. “Please join me for lunch. Our chef Apicius has prepared –” Ebony Gaze slammed the base of her staff on the floor. “Child, I’m too old for any of that time-wasting nonsense. Now go gather up the rest of your alicorn flock so I can get on with my day!” The silence lasted longer this time. Twilight spoke almost ritually. “Ebony Gaze. You enter my hut as my friend. Do you refuse the food and drink I offer?” The six zebras behind the elderly mare all jumped as if hit by an electrical spark. The Equestrian guards picked up on the mood and tightened their grip on their weapons. Slowly, a smile spread across the counselor’s lips. “You are the pony who sang at Carpus Island until the zebras caved to your will. I see that your backbone has not changed.” “I wasn’t going to let pestilence take ninety percent of their males, even if the disease hadn’t been seen in years and should be a dimension away. I had to be… persuasive.” “As you should. Unlike me, none of those idiots lived through the last great plague a century ago.” Without looking, she tossed her staff to one of the soldiers who barely caught it. “Very well, Twilight Sparkle. I shall sit at your table and receive your proffered food and drink. Speaking will wait until later.” Taking the hint, Twilight said nothing but guided the delegation to the castle dining hall. Stepping inside, she had to stop to take it all in. The room was unrecognizable. Every table and chair was gone. In their place, woven reed mats fanned out in front of a roaring bonfire. Glancing to the ceiling, Twilight saw the smoke gathered by a stable vortex and guided out a high window. Instead of stone walls, a darker woven material stretched across the ceiling and down to eye level. Split logs arranged vertically reached the remaining distance to the floor. Twilight’s nose confirmed that this was not one of Trixie’s illusions. While the scent of stone was still present, the other earthy smells nearly overpowered it. Around the room, Twilight counted twelve banners. Each showed the flag of a region of Equestria and their allies done in the Zebrican style: The royal flag of two alicorns chasing each other in a field of stars (Twilight made a mental note to look into updating this), the Griffinstone banner, the Crystal Principality, Yakyakistan, Seaquestria, the Southern Protectorate, and even a banner for the flag of Ponyville. Twilight smiled to herself as she stepped into the room. She supposed they needed to come up with twelve banners one way or another to match the number of Zebrican provinces. Twilight led the elderly mare to the two mats placed centrally on the floor a half-dozen body lengths from the fire. The alicorn kneeled on the rightmost mat with her legs straight beneath her, thanking Celestia mentally for the lessons on Zebrican customs. Only Daffodil likewise knelt on one of the six positions behind her until Twilight waved to Arbalest, Staunch Legion, and three other guards to leave their weapons and likewise occupy the remaining mats. Ebony Gaze was much more efficient, only requiring a brief scowl and head flick to convince her assistants and guards to do the same. Fourteen serving ponies exited the kitchen, each wearing a braided silver torc that ended in two pony heads facing each other. The first two served the elderly zebra, then Twilight. The rest walked in an arc behind the leaders to reach the remaining diners. Looking down, Twilight saw a wide and deep platter holding an assortment of grilled marinated vegetables, three types of bread (one partially burnt), and two hollowed-out gourds holding different soups. A larger gourd held a dull grey liquid that smelled delicious… except for the tiny green pepper slices floating on top, which promised unending pain. The alicorn racked her brain for the proper phrasing of the invitation to “partake in this gift from our homes to yours” … no, that wasn’t it. She opened her mouth to improvise only to see the old zebra already sampling the cuisine. Just before lighting her horn, Twilight remembered to use only her hooves for the meal. Deciding on a roll of thin, spongy bread, she tore off a piece and used it to grip a charred reddish vegetable she wasn’t familiar with. Her mouth watering, Twilight lifted the piece to her lips when she heard, “I will speak with the chef.” Swallowing her saliva and forcing herself to place the food back on the platter, the alicorn nodded to the serving pony closest to the kitchens. In short order, the hulking minotaur emerged from the Royal Kitchens. He stood in front of Ebony Gaze and bowed. In passable Middle Zebrican, he said, “How can this servant please the honored guest?” The elderly zebra waved a hoof. “Equish. I have no intention of speaking your native tongue. You are Chef Apicius. Who was your teacher?” The minotaur stood up straight. “I studied under Master Chef Reginald Split-Horn for eight months until he deemed me ‘competent’.” Ebony Gaze narrowed her eyes. “That is a Yak name.” “Yes, High Counselor. I endeavored to learn under the tutelage of the best chef of Zebrican cuisine that I could find. That was Chef Split-Horn in an alternate dimension. He has single-hand… ah… single-hoofedly made it his purpose in life to elevate Zebrican cooking to levels not seen since the time of Golden Flower.” “So, the rumors of a Grand Master Chef are true.” The zebra looked behind her. “Everyone get back to eating while the food is still warm!” Not needing further convincing, Twilight tucked in. The explosion of alien flavors made it difficult to pay attention to the continuing conversation. Apicius said, “Yes, High Counselor. The spelt bread is prepared above burning logs and removed when the surface is a quarter blackened. ‘As was done in the old days, let it forever carry forward.’.” “The seventeenth mantra of Golden Flower. And the marinade for the banshin root? That must be pale taiga berries. My grand-matron served them but they went extinct decades ago.” “No longer. They’ve been imported from that same dimension. There are two bushes in the kitchen greenhouse. It would honor myself and my teacher if you accept cuttings for your greenmasons to root.” After an hour of discourse with the minotaur, the zebra counselor stood up. Everyone kneeling quickly did the same. She reached out for her staff which her guard quickly supplied. The aged mare rapped it three times on the ground. “Chef Apicius. You may pass on to your staff that the meal they prepared was… better than competent.” Glistening tears in the bull’s eyes and gasp of happiness let Twilight know he had received high praise, even if she didn’t recognize it. After three more raps of her staff, Ebony Gaze said, “Dismissed.” The chef bowed deeply and then took off at a run for the kitchens. One of the zebra advisors spoke in hushed tones with a yellow-maned serving pony who soon cantered after the minotaur. “Princess Twilight Sparkle!” The alicorn turned and faced the zebra directly. “Yes, High Counselor?” “We shall not have discussions at this time. Instead, I shall return with the other senior High Counselors in two days. Expect us at your evening repast. May the warmth of sunlight always grace your lands.” Twilight returned the second half of the blessing. “May the cool night grant rest to your people.” A glance ensured that Arbalest and Staunch Legion would lead the delegation to the daggerscale portal room. One of the advisors lagged behind until he accepted a large covered basket from the yellow-maned serving pony. Then the zebra hurried to catch up. As soon as the advisor left the dining room, Twilight’s horn lit and she reappeared in the kitchen. Quickly finding a carafe of citrus juice, she quaffed down the entire contents. After putting down the empty container, her whole body shook. Daffodil galloped into the kitchen and saw the end of the display. She held a hoof up to hide a smile. “Had one of the inferno pepper slices from your drink? You’re supposed to sip around those, you know.” Twilight slowly got her breathing under control. “No, I got distracted and I think I swallowed all of them! Did you have one? How can you stand it?” The changeling shrugged. “They’re tangy, but I like tangy.” The alicorn turned her attention to the minotaur who walked to each staff member. He complimented their work and gave pointers on how to improve their skills or new techniques or ingredients to try. Daffodil whispered into Twilight’s ear. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in a room with so much happiness radiating from every occupant.” Before Twilight could reply, Penumbra walked into the Royal Kitchen followed by Princess Marklestia. They both looked around. Every cooking station was a mess and every member of the staff from the Head Chef down to the interns looked exhausted. But each wore a beaming smile. Marklestia said, “I think… No. I know I missed something. Based on the dining room remodelling, I’m guessing a surprise Zebrican delegation?” Twilight said, “Ah, you haven’t talked to Chrysalis yet? That’s right, she’d still be in her office right now. Senior High Counselor Ebony Gaze stopped by for lunch.” “Senior High Counselor? That’s new. I take it from your smile that it went well. Thank you.” The last was in response to a serving pony handing her a platter filled with exotic cuisine. One glare from the batpony was enough to convince the servant to fill a second platter. Twilight led Daffodil past her fellow triarch and Penumbra. “It certainly did! Thanks to the hard work of our castle staff, I believe it was a great and successful start to a deeper friendship between our nations.” Just before leaving the Royal Kitchens, Twilight looked over her shoulder. “Oh, Chef Apicius? All three Senior High Counselors will return for dinner two days from now. Are you and your staff up for the challenge?” “WOO-HOO! Everyone up! Get your stations clean! New pots and pans!” “Yes, Chef!” “We’re not resting on our old and tired recipes, are we?” “No, Chef!” “We have the time, but just barely. I want to see some risk-taking! Show me that you are all worthy of the title ‘chef’!” “Yes, Chef!” Twilight saw that the entire staff was smiling even wider than a few minutes before. An observation confirmed by Daffodil giving her a nod. Marklestia protected her platter with a wing from the controlled chaos until she entered the Royal Dining Room. “OK, what was that all about?” Twilight swished her tail as she pranced away. “Oh, just doing my part to spread happiness wherever I go!” # # # # # # # # #