Oh...
Oh no. I should have seen this coming, yet I didn’t. I’m in the middle of a town. It’s filled with ponies trotting everywhere. Medieval fantasy-esque architecture, a large statue in the middle of town and large mountains surrounding the place.
Which way is home? I don’t know, and at this point, I believe my way home isn’t going to be a simple road that leads back to humanity. If there are unicorns who can play instrument with magic alone, surely there’s some sort of portal that leads back to Earth... assuming I’m on another planet which at this point doesn’t seem far-fetched to me.
Well, nothing can be considered far-fetched anymore. I was literally talking to two magical ponies. Impossible as a concept doesn’t exist anymore.
Say, does that mean these wings can fly? Realistically, no, they’re too small to take off but in a world of talking unicorns...
A pegasus just flew by town, soaring through the sky at a blinding speed. It was so fast I could barely see it move! That means I was right about one thing. I should at least learn to fly before I go back home. It’s not every day I get to fly on my own, no need to hop on a plane. These wings are meant to fly.
Unfortunately, when I tried to move them, they fell, struggling to raise themselves from the dirt. I can’t get them to move the way I want them to! Eventually, I decided to hide next to a barrel to practice moving them. It was weird, but I was starting to get the hang of it.
My wings raised and lowered slowly at my command. I must have come across as pretty dumb ‘cause I earned some sympathetic looks from the ponies that passed by. Some even tossed a gold coin at my feet, er, hooves.
Hold on, a gold coin? An actual gold coin?
Holy shit! If I take this home with me, I could become a millionaire, assuming I can get my han-hooves on enough coins.
No... I can’t pass off as a homeless man. That’s immoral. But then again...
“I’m starving, can I get some coins so I can feed myself?”
To my surprise, ponies were far more willing to hand out coins to homeless people than humans. Almost every single one of them that saw me tossed a coin. In under thirty minutes, I got twenty coins already!
I saw a stallion pass by. Grey coat, black hair and a clover on his flank. Was his talent luck? If so, he should have some money to spare. Alright, let’s give it a shot. “A few coins to help out a starving pony?”
He stopped and stared at me for a few seconds. And he stared, for a long time. The others threw their coin rather quickly, but this one, he took his time to fixate me. Oh crap, I must have said something wrong, didn’t I?
“Um, a-a few coi-”
“Hold it right there.” He held a hoof out, narrowing his eyes as he approached me. He stopped just before my pile of well-earned coins.
Since I was currently sitting, I had to raise my head to even meet his eyes. It made him look all the more imposing. My body started to grow hot and itchy. He was about to find out the truth!
Pointing at the pile, he said “You call these coins?”
Uh oh, did I say it wrong all along? How do you even call these then?! “Y-Yeah, I guess.”
“You do know these are not coins, whatever that is. Those are bits.”
Bits? How was I supposed to know that?! Did I really spend thirty entire minutes giving myself away? “O-Oh, my bad sir. I simply forgot what they were called, so I named them coins. I, uh, suffer from amnesia. I lost my home and my family. I believe I also hit my head pretty hard.”
The clover stallion smiled. Was that a good thing or...
“Let’s state the obvious here, you’re not who you pretend to be.” Oh crap! The stallion looked behind him, thankfully there was nopony around us so I could simply book it and just hope I can learn to fly on a whim.
“But that’s okay, neither am I.”
“W-What? You mean to tell me that... you too.”
He nodded, taking a seat next to me. He lowered his voice as he spoke “Yes, I believe we’re in the same boat. I don’t suppose you’re lost too.”
I smiled. For once somebody here who’s not out for my blood! “Yes! I’m lost too, I don’t even remember how I got here.”
His eyes widened. “Oh, it’s that bad, huh? My memory’s still mostly intact, not that it helps with finding my way home. I have my family waiting for me there, they need me.”
“My family doesn’t really need me, but they’d probably be freaking out if they find out I’m gone.” I said, leaning against the house that previously trapped me with two arguing mares.
“They can feed themselves just fine, then?” My new friend sighed. “That’s great. I just feel my little brother’s too reliant on me. He can’t get anything done without me around. That’s not a good thing, mind you. I never go too far outside; I stay close to our home so it’s not like I bring in the food most of the time. It’s also why I’m horribly lost.”
I can understand, we’re both not used to navigating on our own. Much less without a phone in my case. If I just had a phone, I could... on second thought, never mind. I don’t expect there to be Internet. I can only trust my instincts to navigate this new land.
“If it’s any consolation, I don’t go out too often myself.”
“I suppose that makes this a trial for us. To prove we deserve to go back home, we must find our way on our own.” The (in reality human) stallion said, gazing at the blue sky.
Okay, so he’s going to be that kind of guy. I’m guessing he’ll say something about honor and duty eventually. Keep that in mind.
“Still, I see you’re trying to earn their currency, which is good. You must at least have some degree of knowledge on the way ponies work. Wealth equals power.” The stallion affirmed, which I mean, yes. Where there is intelligence, there will always be an economy, social hierarchy and whatnot. I need some of that power.
Hey, come to think of it. “What’s your name? I believe we should know each other if we’re to go on this quest together. My name’s Dan-”
“Don’t say it!” he warned, pressing a hoof against my mouth. “Can’t you see the ponies around here are all on edge? They're expecting us to me among them! If they overhear our real names, we’d be in trouble. We need to have pony names. I’ll only tell you my real name once we’d be home.”
“H-Hold on... I told my real name to two ponies earlier. Is that gonna bite me in the ass?” Judging from his worried look, it will. I told him the full context so that he wouldn’t jump to conclusion, smart, I know.
“You have to make up one on the spot. Find an excuse to explain your mishap.” He groaned, staring silently at a couple of ponies passing by. “You’ve really picked a bad place to get lost. It takes a lot of effort to impersonate a pony and judging by your clumsiness, and pitiful usage of your wings too, you’ll need some guidance in how to act like a pony.”
“O...kay, but you didn’t give me your name. Pony name of course.”
He looked at the motif on his flank. “Call me Lucky Clover.”
Oh no way in hell I’m calling myself Hack Writer. “What should be my pony name, then?”
Lucky Clover stared at my flank, which honestly felt extremely weird. Is it normal for ponies to look at each other's flank like it’s not blatant sexual harassment? “You should call yourself Hack Wri-”
“Hell no.”
Well, Lucky Clover left, but not without scheduling our next meeting. Apparently, we shouldn’t always be seen together, or else the town might single us out. That guy must have been like a soldier or a general, ‘cause he went straight to giving me orders, talking about discipline, kept referring to us as infiltrators. He did leave me a bag for my bits, which is nice.
For my first mission in this unit (really? He’s calling us a unit?), I must make some friends to seem less suspicion and to potentially have some ponies on my side should I be called out. Come to think of it, these ponies probably have a courtroom, with lawyers and prosecutors. I’m kinda curious to see how trials are done in this land, but at the same time I don’t want to be caught. Who knows, maybe they do give death sentences here.
But first and foremost, I gotta eat. I’ve been terribly hunger ever since I woke up, and with all that money, er, bits, I can buy some food. This place really seems old fashioned, maybe because it’s a small town in world that doesn’t appear to be too technologically advanced, though I did see a fridge inside Lyra and Bon Bon’s house, which just confuses me. Do they already have electricity?
I’m getting off topic, what I wanted to say was that there are multiple stands in the town’s market. Vegetables, fruits and hay... dogs. I think I’ll pass on the hay related stuff. It’s weird that they have ponified hot dogs, though not the strangest by far. Still weird that there are some similarities between human and pony culture. I may be a pony now, but I have a strange feeling that I’m going to barf should I eat hay.
Ooh, apples. That looks like a good start. I trotted there slowly, trying not to fumble my steps. Thankfully I can control my wings somewhat, so no more floppy wings. I’m an ordinary pony, living in the streets and nothing more.
I approached the apple stand. There was an orange mare smiling brightly, wearing a cowboy hat. And she had freckles too, white freckles. I can’t really wrap my head around this one. I’ve never seen a horse or pony with freckles before. In a way, these ponies feel strangely... human. Everything about this is freaking weird!
“Howdy, pardner! Ah see yer lookin’ mighty hungry!” The apple mare exclaimed in a country accent. Another similarity between ponies and humans. I’m half expecting her to be Texan and carry a shotgun under her stand.
“Uh, yeah. I’d like to have an apple. Um, scratch that, make it two.” I raised a hoof subconsciously, trying to make a two with my fingers. Did I mention it’s weird not being able to feel your fingers? I feel like an amputee in this body, nothing makes sense and I’m missing so much of what made me a dexterous being.
The apple mare nodded. “That’ll be two bits!”
I laughed internally. Gee, one gold coin for one apple. People would be nuts if that ever happened in our world. I placed the two bits on the stand with my mouth. It felt pretty awkward to shove my entire mouth in a bag to pull out two bits. I must look silly right now. I hope I won’t be here for long; else I’ll feel more accommodated to my pony body rather than my actual one.
I left with the two apples, one in my bag and another balanced on my arm, or hoof if you prefer. Yeah, maybe ponies can’t eat while moving like humans do. No, it’s just a pony and pegasus problem because unicorns can lift their food with magic just fine. I’m starting to feel like there might be a superior race in this world.
Hey, think there are discourse amongst the three races? Surely. I mean, I’m kinda grateful to have wings. If I was stuck as a regular ass pony I’d be pissed. They don’t really seem to have any form of compensation for having no wings and no magic. Sucks to be them, I guess.
And sucks to be me too, I can’t fly for shit.
I moved to a park where there were a few benches. Honestly, sitting down on that bench and eating an apple in the middle of a park felt good. It’s something I’ve never tried before, not that I go out too much so just sitting there, enjoying the scenery felt like an adventure. Disregarding all my worries, terrifying implications and infiltrator stuff, this world looked nice.
Peaceful, very in touch with nature and colorful as well. Spending some time here probably isn’t as bad as I initially thought.
There was just a little problem, again something that has to do with my new body. Sitting as a human and as a pony isn’t the same thing. Before I sat, I watched a couple of sitting ponies to get an idea of how I should be seated.
So, problem fixed, except not really. Sitting down like a horse is awkward. My body and mind aren’t used to it. Eating that godforsaken apple was a trial in of itself. I had to balance the freaking thing on my hoof like I was a circus performer just to take a bite outta it. That apple took me minutes to finish.
And then, just because the world felt like spiting me, I saw Lyra again. She was sitting on a bench and guess what? She was sitting down like, a, human. Ass on the seat, back lying against the bench and everything. Nobody gave a shit about her.
What, so you’re gonna tell me I can sit like a human and that won’t cause any problem, but God forbid I say gold coin? Bullshit! I just felt like getting out of here, but sadly, the unicorn noticed me.
“Oh hey, didn’t think I’d see you again!”
Oh, I wish I wouldn’t be seeing any pony ever again. I’m just too pathetic and lost to leave. So pathetic in fact I begged in the back of your house. “Same.” I guess the interrogation is on. Better not let anything slip out.
“Thought you were heading home. I guess you just couldn’t resist the beautiful Ponyville park!”
Ponyville, how original. “I mostly couldn’t resist my appetite.” I waved my apple around, and promptly dropped it on the floor. Crap, five second rule!
Lyra giggled, taunting me with her human seating position. I thought we humans were despised! “You’re quite the clumsy pony, huh? I didn’t think I’d ever see somepony who’s a match for Derpy!”
Somepony... Derpy. I guess they don’t say “somebody”. I see, they might speak the same language as me, but that doesn’t mean they talk exactly like humans. “You’re mocking me, aren’t you?”
Lyra scoffed. “Relax, I’m just teasing! I just think you’re a pretty funny pony, and rather confidant for a pony that struggles to eat an apple.”
That’s called a front, Lyra. I’d be ripped apart if I showed any weakness. That’s lesson 101 for espionage with Lucky Clover. Maybe he’s CIA? That’ll be cool. Just imagine being friends with a CIA agent. Could be dangerous too...
“So, you’re gonna eat that apple?”
Oops! I was thinking too much. “Yeah, yeah. I’m just... wiping the dirt away.” God, that was so awkward. But since she’s here, I could learn a thing or two about this world. I just need to ask the right questions, frame it like it’s not a question. “Back there, you two were arguing about bringing me in.”
Lyra blinked. “Oh, yeah. I kinda promised to Bon Bon I’d be more careful after my trip to Canterlot, so she kinda saw that as me breaking my promise and got rightfully angry. I mean, ponies that come from the Everfree Forest are rarely good news.”
The Everfree Forest? It did look a little scary on the inside. I only moved on the outskirts, following the lake so I didn’t see any danger. I guess that forest must be especially dangerous. “Oh, that makes sense. Outsiders don’t seem too welcome here.”
Lyra waved a hoof. “Oh, don’t let that taint your view of Ponyville! This town is super nice and friendly usually. Ponies right now are just scared, but it’ll pass, eventually.”
Something bad happened here and I don’t know. Now that’s the tricky part, I must find out what without giving away the fact I know nothing. The fact they don’t say it openly must mean it was pretty bad.
“It’s that bad, huh? I hope they won’t see me as a bad omen or something.”
Lyra sighed, lowering her head. “Bon Bon’s already forbidden me from getting near you. If the other ponies find out you came from the Everfree...”
I gritted my teeth, my mind already imagining all sorts of horrific ends to my life should that happen. “Are you gonna tell the others?”
“I’m not sure I should... but Bon Bon probably will. Don’t get it wrong, she’s not mean or anything. Just a really protective pony.”
Protective or mean doesn’t mean anything to me! It’s danger either way!
Wait, I just got an idea. The way she’s sitting... “Hey, doesn’t it feel uncomfortable to sit like that?” Brillant, now she’ll tell me something I actually want to know!
Lyra looked down. “Not really. I mean, I often catch weird looks from other ponies, and I understand why. I believe I’m the only pony who sits like that.”
There! What could this mean? Could Lyra be more human than I initially imagined? Maybe, but I can’t ask that unless I’m certain she is. Then again, I suppose I can’t be 100% sure, Lucky Clover did take a leap of faith when he told me the truth.
I suppose I’ll classify Lyra for now as a “good pony”. If I’m ever in trouble, I’ll go to Lucky Clover or her. If a real pony vouches for me then I should be good, right?
“Why do you even sit like that? Did you perhaps saw a creature that sits like that? That position is entirely new to me.”
To my disappointment, Lyra simply shrugged in response. Maybe she’s nothing more than an oddball and I’m looking too deeply in her case. Still, she can be an ally and, in a world where my kind is detested, that goes a long way.
“Huh, maybe I can-”
“Lyra!”
Oh, crap! It’s Bon Bon! Shit’s about to hit the fan!
The candy pony stomped towards her friend, glaring at me. She ignored the park’s path, moving through the grass to get to us. The fury in her eyes screamed danger. Quick, Lyra! Say something!
“Oh, Bonny! Uh...” Well, not that!
Bon Bon stopped before her unicorn friend and scowled. “I told you not to get near him! He could be dangerous! We know nothing about this pegasus. For all we know, he could be an imposter!”
Imposter? Who the hell am I impersonating?!
Wait, does that mean I’ve taken over the body of an actual pony when I was transported in the Everfree forest? If it is, then I’m terribly sorry to whoever just lost their body.
No, wait! Maybe we switched bodies in which case going back home might just be solved with a spell! Yes, I must find a unicorn who can do such a thing! But first, I must get Bon Bon off me.
She’s glaring at me. Clearly, she knows something’s up! “What are you doing here?”
“I’m just eating an apple. I was hungry.” That was the truth. The best of lies often have the truth sprinkled in. I just need to figure out how to get good at lying, the most useful skill in this world, for me of course.
“Sure... just stay clear of Lyra. I’ve got my eyes on you, Daniel. Don’t take me for a gullible fool. I know you’re hiding something and if you decide to stay in Ponyville; I’ll find out what’s your secret.” Bon Bon threatened. Despite being a cute talking pony, I was pretty scared. She seemed like a smart pony, and one that had a secret of her own. Those kinds of people ponies are always the worst. They can smell weakness.
“It’s not one you’ll be interested in. I assure you I’m not a danger or an imposter. I’m just a lost, er, pegasus who wants to get back home.”
Bon Bon narrowed her eyes. After a long stare down, she diverted her attention to her friend. “Lyra, I thought I told you to get away from him!”
“Oh, sorry. I’ll get going...” Lyra left, glancing over her shoulder at us.
Fancy, the only real pony I can count on is friends with perhaps my one and only mortal enemy. At least, I have two friends I can count on. But I should speed things up and look for a competent unicorn immediately, else Bon Bon’ll figure out the truth. And that... will be game over.