//------------------------------// // Dressed to impress // Story: Not Here // by ulcuran //------------------------------// ‘’Umm, can you let me go-’’ I’m stuck underneath Rarity, literally stuck, she locked me in place with both of her legs. I cannot move. Oh, ohh her horn is starting to glow too. ‘’No!’’ Rarity turns her head towards Celestia. ‘’Princess this stallion is a thief! He stole my gems, Applejack’s apples, and Twilight- Whaa-!’’ Suddenly the white hoof-kisser gets enveloped in a dark blue glow and flies off of me. I let my tightened shoulders relax and slowly get up from the soft grass and look towards where my attacker has flown off to. ‘’Stay your hoof, or we shall do it for you.’’ Luna says in a voice that has a cutting edge and a tone that is just lower than shouting to the startled unicorn floating upside down in front of her. ‘’I-what? Princess, that scoundrel-’’ She says pointing at me, rude. I mean sure you can call me a thief, that’s fair, but a scoundrel? That’s harsh no? ‘’That scoundrel is our friend and a knight of the kingdom.’’ Luna says with even more force while her eyelids narrow staring right into the soul of Rarity. She turns to look at me and sees that I’m unharmed and out of the bandages, she smiles, but her smile disappears when she faces Rarity again. ‘’He has been released from his bandages just moments ago, you wish for him to be wrapped in them again?’’ ‘’No! Of course not, I- just-...he’s your, f-friend? A k-knight?’’ Rarity's eyes widen and she stutters. ‘’Indeed. A knight whose suit you were going to make.’’ A suit? For me? Luna takes a step towards the now even paler pony. But just before she can open her mouth, a golden light envelops Rarity and she gets pulled back. ‘’Calm down sister, this is all just a misunderstanding.’’ Celestia intervenes. ‘’A misunderstanding?! Sister she just attacked Laika!’’ ‘’Yes, but he was not hurt, Rarity only did it because she thought he was a danger.’’ Celestia turns to me. ‘’You’re not hurt are you dear?’’ I shake my head. ‘’No, I’m fine, just a bit startled.’’ I look over myself quickly and, yep I’m fine. I brush myself off and start my walk to the table *squish* Squish? Oh god. The chocolate. Gulping, I slowly bend my neck downwards…It’s dead. The Premium bar of Macawain Chocolate has been slain. I paid Hearty Meal top-shelf dough for that chocolate and it’s gone. My shoulders sag a little but I continue my walk, can’t have Luna see that her favorite chocolate is squished on the ground like a bug. I take a seat opposite of Luna. ‘’And I didn’t steal your umm gems?’’ I looked towards Rarity who was plopped down next to Celestia, she was trying to avoid the looks Luna was giving her. ‘’Of course, our knight is not so low to steal from someponies.’’ Luna proudly exclaims. ‘’I stole that balloon though?’’ Luna coughs and she looks away. ‘’Anyway let’s not talk about what happened. Rarity is going to design and make a suit for you.’’ Celestia says. ‘’No, she will not.’’ Luna almost cuts her sister off. ‘’I…understand Princess.’’ Rarity's shoulders sag and she looks down. ‘’I’ll pack my bags and be out of your mane.’’ Damn, should I feel bad for her now? I mean she did just pounce on me. Hmmm, a suit sounds nice though. Celestia said she was a master right? ‘’I mean, I’m fine with it Luna.’’ ‘’What?! But she just tried to harm thee!’’ ‘’Ehh, I’m fine. No harm done…except for the chocolate.'’ I say the last part quietly so as to not alert Luna. ‘’Why did you bring her here anyway? Why would I need a suit now of all times?’’ Luna opens her mouth to speak. ‘’You don’t know?! Darling, it’s for the Grand Galloping Gala of course! It’s the biggest event of the year! All the bi-’’ Rarity suddenly starts talking but when she notices Luna glaring hot daggers at her, she promptly shuts her mouth and retreats deeper into her chair. ‘’...as the seamstress was saying. It is for thee to wear on the night of the gala. We cannot have our knight not be dressed for the occasion can we?’’ ‘’Oh? Don’t I already look like a knight already?’’ Luna rolls her eyes and smiles. ‘’Yes, yes, the removal of the bandages seems to improve your situation on your knightly visage, but our knight deserves proper attire for the night.’’ Luna takes a sip of her tea. ‘’We thought some pony like Rarity would be up to the task since our sister recommended her. But it seems we were wrong.’’ ‘’Luna, be nice.’’ Celestia chides her sister, but Luna ignores her. I scratch my chin and turn to Rarity. ‘’Hmmm, hey Rarity?’’ ‘’Y-yes?’’ ‘’How good are you at making clothes?’’ She beams up suddenly. ‘’Well not to toot my own horn but I would say I’m exceptional at making clothes.’’ You are tooting your own horn. ‘’Of course, you do look like a lady of exceptional talent.’’ She smiles even more and starts fanning herself. ‘’Oh, you flatter me, darling.’’ ‘’I’m sure that you will make the best suit that would make even me, look good and make all the heads of the nobles turn in awe.’’ She was looking as if she was going to faint right here, right now. ‘’And I’m sure you won’t ask for payment since the crown is going to need to cover for my injuries.’’ Luna realizes what I’m doing and adopts a devilish smile, Celestia frowns. ‘’Of cours-what?’’ ‘’Well because you’ve pounced on me, darling. I fell to the ground a bit too fast and may have sprained my ankle.’’ Celestia sighs. Rarity is looking a little uncomfortable. ‘’And since you are a lady of the highest standing, I can assume you will cover the cost of the suit…think of it as a ‘get well soon’ gift from you,’’ I point to her. ‘’to me.’’ I point to myself. ‘’We concur, our knight has suffered many injuries already. And the costs are mounting up, but this time it was none his fault.’’ ‘’I-...I completely agree.’’ Rarity gives up in defeat. Haha, great success! I turn to Luna and see her smiling, I’m smiling too. ‘’Now that’s out of the way shall we eat?’’ Celestia announces, right I came here for lunch, didn’t I? Huh, when did this trip to lunch turn into extorting a unicorn tailor? Don’t think about it too much. …okay, you know best brain. Of course I do, I’m you after all. …ugh this place is getting to me. ‘’What will you eat, Laika?’’ Huh? Oh, is Celestia asking me a question? My eyes finally focus and I can see one of the maids, whom I have not met yet taking orders from everypo-one, at the table and it looks like it’s my turn. ‘’Me? Uhhh, I’ll get a plate of fries please, the one made from potatoes not hay.’’ Yeah, there were fries here, they made them from hay, don’t ask me how I know. It was not that bad, it was that bad. The maid raises one eyebrow but doesn’t speak, I don’t she would be even able to speak since she was using her mouth to hold the pencil, that’s gotta be uncomfortable. It is. huh? huh? Brain what was that? … … I turn to Luna, wait… did she look different? Was her color always this dark? And did her mane look more um, ethereal? Was her eyes sharper? Why does she look so… fear-inducing? awe-inspiring? Because she is. … … ‘’Luna?’’ ‘’Yes?’’ The moment she speaks she turns back into the chocolate-munching Luna I know. The lack of sleep is getting to me, maybe let’s not read books when Luna leaves my room. Oh right, gotta ask her something, uhhh. ‘’What did you order?’’ ‘’Nothing, we are not hungry at this time.’’ ‘’Huh, you sure?’’ I don’t have any chocolate on me at hand, I don’t know how I would stop her now. ‘’Yes, we are quite sure.’’ I don’t believe her. ‘’Sooo, Laika was it darling?’’ Rarity asks while trying to ignore Luna’s piercing gaze. ‘’Yes?’’ ‘’Wonderful! Would you mind if I ask you a simple question?’’ ‘’No?’’ ‘’What would you want your suit color to be?’’ Hmmm, oh, I know just the color! Its- ‘’Purple.’’ Luna suddenly and flatly states out loud. ‘’Umm, Luna? I think she asked me?’’ ‘’It’s going to be purple, for tis’ only suiting for us.’’ She seems quite adamant about it. ‘’I-...fine sure, I like purple anyhow.’’ ‘’Purple suit it is! Oh, I already have some designs in my mind that would suit your body.’’ Huh, maybe she is actually good at this? Eh, doesn’t really matter now, free clothes are free. ‘’Are you going to make it after lunch?’’ ‘’That’s the plan I will need you to come with me after lunch, darling.’’ ‘’Sure, you stay right opposite of me.’’ ‘’I do?’’ ‘’Yes, I saw you and your little act too, kissing Celestia’s-’’ A grin slowly makes their way towards my face while Rarity is looking a little pale again. ‘’Haha! Anyhow, how are you getting on with the staff dear?’’ Celestia nervously asks while cutting me off, haha, she’s deflecting. ‘’Oh It’s fine, I think they’re warming up to me, I like Hearty Meal, and Misty Rain is always fun to watch.’’ ‘’That’s nice.’’ She shows a pure smile. Hmmm, I still get a little uneasy when she smiles like that. ‘’But I don’t think the guards like me a lot though.’’ I shrug. ‘’I don’t really blame ‘em though.’’ ‘’I’m sure they’ll open up to you dear.’’ ‘’Sure, let’s hope so.’’ I wonder if they will beat me up like in those cliche dramas, they won’t, maybe they will, we won’t let them. … … I felt a shiver run down my spine, and a sudden chill enveloped me, it was as if it was midnight and I was standing on my balcony. To keep my mind off whatever just happened I took a han-hooffull? of fries and stuffed them in my mouth. Damn, no salt? I look at the table now filled with food and search for the white rock dispenser. Where is it? Aha! I reach for the salt shaker but just before I can touch it…I can’t reach further. Are you kidding me? ‘’Ngggn.’’ I try to stretch even further, just, a little, bit, more! ‘’Having trouble with such a simple enemy fair knight?’’ The salt shaker glows dark blue and gets lifted into the air. I turn to see Luna with a smug smile on her face. ‘’Ah yes, the bane of knights in all of Equestria! A salt shaker.’’ ‘’Oh okay smartass, put it back and try to get it without using your magic.’’ ‘’Hmph! Thou darest question your princess's competence? We will show thee.’’ She huffs and the salt shaker gets put back into its original place, wait why is it moving further? It’s now even farther away, such arrogance from my lady. ‘’We can easily deal with this.’’ She tries to reach for it. ‘’Ngghnnn.’’ She can’t reach it, she tries to stretch her already long limbs even further. Oh, she passed the original mark. Will she make it? ‘’This…this poses no challenge to us!’’ She struggles to reach further between labored breaths. ‘’Having trouble with such a simple salt shaker dear sister?’’ Celestia giggles and the salt shaker gets enveloped in that golden glow of hers and pushed into Luna’s hoof. ‘’Sister! We almost had it!’’ No, she didn’t. ‘’No, you didn’t Luna, looks like both the lady and the knight failed.’’ Both Luna and I grumble. Luna passes me the salt shaker, I put some on my fries, and eat again, it’s much better now. After a few minutes, a fry on my plate begins to glow dark blue. Well, it was about time. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Luna trying to be nonchalant about it. ‘’I thought you weren’t hungry?’’ I hold the fry she was trying to take away, she flinches but composes herself rather quickly. ‘’Thou wishest for your lady to be left hungry? We didn’t know that we had such an uncaring knight, hpmfh!’’ She huffs and turns her head away with her eyes closed. I roll my eyes. I sigh and laugh. ‘’Of course not, eat as much as you like, my lady.’’ Her pout turns into a smile in the blink of an eye and my plate loses fries at a pace I can’t keep up. ‘’So you were hungry.’’ I mutter to myself. She hears because of course she does, eating another fry she shrugs her shoulders. ‘’These fries of potato are much better than hay-made ones sister, you must try one.’’ Luna takes another fry out of the pile with her magic and the sole fry floats towards Celestia. Celestia puts down her piece of cake and sniffs the fry. ‘’Come on sister, try one.’’ Luna pushes the fry in Celestia’s face further. Celestia realizes that Luna is not going to stop so she slowly bites the fry, and chews, and chews…and chews. Yeah, she totally doesn’t like it. Her face looks like she is trying so hard to look normal. And with an audible gulp, she swallows the lone fry. ‘’Bah, you wouldn’t know good-tasting food if it hit you in the face sister.’’ Luna scoffs and takes the last fry on my plate, yeah, I think she ate more than me. ‘’Excuse me for not liking some weird fried potatoes sister! Oh, no offense Laika. Luna can take offense though.’’ ‘’Uhhh none taken?’’ After lunch is over Celestia bids us all farewell. And we start making our way to Rarity’s room. ‘’Come in, please excuse the mess.’’ She opens the door and we go inside. The room has several pony mannequins? Huh, ponneiquins? And stacks of cloth and tools to use them. ‘’Now what are your measurements, darling?’’ My measurements? uhhh. ‘’I…don’t know.’’ ‘’Oh, that’s alright. If you could be a dear and stand here for a minute while I take your measurements?’’ She drags me to the center of the room goes to one side to a chest and gets a measurement tape. I tried my hardest to stay still like a statue as a floating measuring tape was being wrapped around every place of my body. ‘’Such a stoic face, we might think that our knight disappeared and a statue had replaced him!’’ Luna laughs. ‘’Haha.’’ ‘’And that’s done. Thank you, darling.’’ The tape flies off. ‘’Sooo, do I stay here, while you make it?’’ ‘’Oh no need for that, you can leave I have some ideas. You said you were right across from my room right?’’ I nod ‘’I’ll knock on your door when I’m finished with your suit, darling.’’ I allow myself to finally move, and breathe again. Huh, I guess I really was like a statue. I turn to Rarity to bid her goodbye but it looks like she has already started working. ‘’Now, how could I make this, ohhhh yes that would look absolutely terrific.’’ She says while looking at a naked ponneiquin, yeah she is fully engrossed in it. Best not to disturb her then. Me and Luna leave her room and take about 5 steps to reach my room, I slowly open my door. On the other side of it, I see Moonlight still sleeping on the pillow. Oh, I have an idea. I turn to Luna point at Moonlight and bring a hoof to my face, signaling her to be quiet. She nods. I slowly and stealthily make my way to the balcony. She is still sleeping, right? She turns and snorts. Yeah, I’m in the clear. I position myself just above her and bring my face near her. I open my mouth and... ‘’Moonlight wake up! We’re under attack!’’ I scream. ‘’Waaghhg!’’ She jumps up in surprise but falls again on the pillow. ‘’What?! What is going on- ohhhh, you big meanie!’’ She notices Luna. ‘’Princess Luna? Why didn’t you stop him?!’’ She cries. I laugh. ‘’We allowed our knight to resolve the situation, and he dealt with it excellently.’’ Luna laughs with me. ‘’Well, I want revenge! So I challenge both of you to a game of Sweet Estate!’’ She points to me and then to Luna. Oh, Sweet Estate is Monopoly by the way. You buy various sweet shops from all over Equestria. ‘’A simple maid thinks to challenge us? Very well, we shall crush thine ambitions before they can grow further!’’ Oh no, they’re both competitive players. It’s going to take hours. ‘’HA! You’re on my Cake Factory! Now pay up!’’ The maid now turned Cake Bandit demands with cruelty. ‘’Fine! Have it, one such as thee would need a paltry sum of bits, the cakes not selling well?’’ The princess now turned, Chocolate Queen, honestly what did you expect? tosses papers of bits to the bandit. ‘’I’ll have you know that people love cakes way more than your disgusting chocolates!’’ ‘’You take that back!’’ ‘’Make me!’’ The ferocious bandit swipes the dice and throws it. It rolls on the board. ‘’Come on anything but 5 anything but 5!’’ The first dice stops, a four, and the bandit's face turns bright with glee. The second one stops…a one, the bandit falls down on the floor in dread. ‘’Huzzah! Thou has been trapped in my Chocolate Forest! Now return back the bits you have stolen from us! With interest!’’ The Chocolate Queen cackles at the Bandit’s misfortune. ‘’Fine! I didn’t need your bits anyway!’’ The bandit tosses the bits back, and the queen catches them with her magic. I, a uhhh, knight turned into a simple donut merchant, sighed, and picked up the dice. They formed a really strong rivalry in just a turn. The bandit took a tile the queen had her eyes on and she refused to sell it…that’s it. Well good for me! They focused on each other so much that I own half of the board now! I throw the dice and move. Oh, a lucky card. ‘’Your sweets win the first prize! Collect 50 bits from all the other players.’’ ‘’What?!’’ The bandit and the queen squeal out at the same time. ‘’You heard the card ladies. Now cough up the bits.’’ They both grumble and hold out the bits for me. ‘’Hehehe, there we go, nice and easy.’’ I snigger in an evil tone. The queen and the bandit both look at their respective bits, which is not really a lot, then they look at my bits, and then at each other. Oh no, they’re realizing. Fuck. ‘’Even though I hate your chocolate, we cannot allow him to expand further.’’ The bandit reaches out a hoof to the queen. ‘’We…agree, we shall put our differences aside, for now.’’ The queen reaches out too and they shake hoofs. Looks like a chocolate cake is on the way. No matter, they shall savor our donuts, whether they like it or not. The taste of sweet victory is on the way. Get it? Sweet. … … ‘’I win.’’ When it’s my turn, I finally buy the last piece to upgrade my donut market to the last level. I throw a smug smile at both the queen and the bandit. ‘’What? Did you seriously think you could defeat me? It was too late.’’ I laugh. ‘’Hmnnnn, I thought we were gonna bring you down.’’ The bandit throws her bits onto the board. ‘’It seems our knight is more formidable than he seems.’’ We continue playing different games, Moonlight leaves, something about the headmaid and how she couldn’t slack off any longer. *knock-knock* ‘’Laika, the suit is ready darling.’’ A voice from the other side of the door cuts our playing short. Wow, she was done already? It’s either a piece of garbage or a piece of masterwork, that was really fast. I get up from the floor and open the door. ‘’Oh, hello darling, and Princess Luna?’’ Rarity tilts her head a little at the sight of Luna behind me. ‘’You’re done already? That was fast.’’ ‘’I work fast, but do not worry, my speed doesn’t affect the quality of course.’’ She says it with such confidence that I almost believe her. Overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer. You said it pal. ‘’If you say so.’’ We follow her and enter the room. …I stare at the piece of clothing. ‘’Soooo? What do you think?’’ Rarity slinks beside me and asks in a sweet voice. ‘’...’’ ‘’Y-you don’t like it? I can change it if you want!’’ Rarity quickly panics. ‘’...no, it’s really good.’’ Rarity breathes out a sigh of relief ‘’Yes, ‘tis a fine piece of regal garb.’’ ‘’Oh, I’m so glad darling! You can put it on, test it, and tell me if it’s uncomfortable.’’ She brings out a curtain for privacy and moves behind it. How do I wear this? As you would normal clothes, no shit dumbass are they normal human clothes? …right. I poke my head out to call for help but only Rarity is there, where is Luna? ‘’Hey, where is Luna?’’ ‘’Oh, the princess said she needed to get something and would come back quickly.’’ I wonder if it’s for chocolate? ‘’Okay, umm Rarity?’’ ‘’Yes, darling?’’ ‘’...ca-can you help me put it on?’’ ‘’I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that can you say it again?’’ She moves in closer. Ughhh, don’t ask for help, how am I gonna wear it elsewise? ‘’I said…can you help me put it on…’’ ‘’...of course! It would be my pleasure,’’ She sighs. ‘’I thought the suit was uncomfortable for you.’’ She moves behind the curtain and quickly helps me put it on. It was easier than I imagined. I look in the mirror, damn I look good. A pony in a suit bah! A really fashionable pony in a suit. A fitting look. … … ‘’Darling you look absolutely marvelous!’’ Rarity has a smile that stretches on for kilometers. ‘’I’m sure that you will make every pony stare in wonder at you at the gala.’’ ‘’Yeah, thanks to you.’’ The sash adds a lot to the whole outfit. It really does, it really doesn’t. ‘’I-...’’ Before she can say anything, the door opens, with Luna entering the room soon after. She notices me and her eyes widen. I chuckle and move towards her. ‘’Do I look like a proper Knight of the Moon now?’’ ‘’We-...’’ She smiles. ‘’...thou always looked the part.’’ She brings out a small medal and pins it on my chest. ‘’But now? Now you look like our knight.’’ She shows a smile that is wrapped in velvet, turns, and leaves the room. I feel something cool and soft sweep across my face. Was that…was that her tail? It was, ... ‘’W-wait! My lady!’’ I laugh, and with my face heating up, sprint behind her. ‘’I want a knight too…’’ Rarity whispers as they go.