I waddled up to the bed in my room that saw next to no use. Lying on the bed was my pet filly, the one I stole from Tartarus. In my mouth was a baseball, and on my back was a pair of baseball gloves. What my little filly was doing, was coloring in a coloring book I may, or may not have stolen from some random store in Canterlot. I also might’ve used a percent of Shining Armor’s payroll to buy the best crayon, marker, and paint sets that I could. Cozy Glow was happily humming away, coloring in her coloring book, resting her head in one hoof while coloring with the other.
“Oh, hey Dad!” Oh yeah, she took to calling me ‘dad’ really quickly. You do not understand just how happy I was when she first called me that… Cozy happily waved at me and showed me what she was drawing… Aw, it’s a photo of two ponies with knives sticking out of their skulls. The words written above the drawing said ‘I hate my parents’. I ignored that, since she was my filly, and I was her parents now. I don’t know where foals come from, since I don’t think ponies have sex in order to have foals like changelings when they want a nymph.
Her coloring skills were rough, a bit graphic, but rather nice. I hopped up on the bed, baseball in mouth and curled around her. In a heartbeat, Cozy Glow nuzzled up against my chest and sighed. “This is so much better than living with mother and father.” She giggled and rested her head against my chest. “Why are you holding a baseball in your mouth? You’ve got magic to use.”
Oh. I did. I dropped the baseball and my magic immediately stopped the spit covered ball from falling on the bed… thank Chrysalis; Ms. Breeze would kill me if I ruined another set of bedsheets.
“I wanted to play catch with you. You’re my daughter, and I want to play with you.”
“...Oh. Sorry for not immediately noticing.” She gave me big, sad eyes. She stuck her lower lip out. “Can you forgive me?”
“Are you trying to emotionally manipulate a changeling?” I asked. “Because that doesn’t work very well.” Especially when all that I can think of is a waffle falling over on the kitchen counter. “You are cute though, I’ll give you that.” I wrapped my forelegs around Cozy and nuzzled her a couple of times.
“Darnit… Golly, I am stupid. Why did I think I could manipulate a creature that knows what I’m feeling?” Now she was genuinely feeling sad. So what do you do when your pet filly feels sad? I personally roll my filly over onto her back, like I just did. And then I brought my nose up to her belly and started blowing raspberries into it. “Dad! Stop!” She squirmed and giggled and tried to push my snout away from her precious little belly. Unfortunately for her, I like hearing my child laugh, so I would not be swayed by her attempts to save herself.
I licked her cheeks after I thoroughly tickled her, cleaning any and all tears away while I make sure that she didn’t accidentally soil anything when I tickled her… everything was clean, Cozy was gasping for air, but happily laying her head against my shoulder while I laid my own head over her back.
“You’re my filly. If anypony or anyling gives you any trouble, let me know. Alright?” Cozy glared at me in her tickled euphoria, before just laying there for a while.
About two hours later, I caught a baseball with my mouth. I was playing with Cozy Glow while I was waiting. Luna finally grew a spine and asked me out on a date. “Make sure you don’t lick random mares,” Cozy said as she caught the ball.
“But can I lick Luna’s nose?”
“You can, on the second date…” Cozy sat down and held onto the ball instead of throwing it. “This is so weird.”
“What’s weird?” I asked.
“Being in the past. Somewhere, there’s another one of me, just sitting in a room, being neglected. Then I’m here, Playing catch with an unreformed changeling, who forcefully adopted me, and is making me behave just by letting me be a filly and taking care of me. Buck, you even know how to cook somehow, and you’re a changeling! You shouldn’t know how to cook!”
“I worked in a cafe while in disguise.”
“Oh.”
“So why is this weird?”
“You’re a bucking time traveller! This has to be in the past. You were dating Luna when I was put in Twilight’s of Friendship. Twilight doesn’t own a school right now, Twilight doesn’t have wings, and Twilight isn’t a Princess! This has to be the past.”
“Oh. How did I time travel?”
“I don't know anymore, and you don’t either!”
“Could it be another universe?”
“...That is something I would not expect to come out of your mouth.”
“Okay.”
“...Dad, you are stupid.”
“I know.”
“...Luna’s left leg…” My daughter facehoofed, and took a deep breath. “Thank you for taking me out of Tartarus, by the way. No matter how nonsensical and stupid you are, you are my dad now. So I guess I can be happy with how things are turning out. I can finally use a coloring book with a full set of crayons… it’s a lot more satisfying than emotionally manipulating everypony into doing what I want them to do.” I was now sitting right in front of her, ruffling her mane with my hoof that I turned into a griffin claw.
I then planted a kiss on her forehead and she froze up.
“Dad.”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.” She nuzzled into my forelegs like a cat, and leaned against them like a dog right afterwards. I held her close and nuzzled her some more, and started grooming her mane. My filly.
I was sitting across from Luna in a restaurant. She was wearing a nice, white dress that went nicely with her dark blue coat. I was wearing the suit I wore to Cadance’s wedding. Luna had gotten herself a nice salad as an appetizer and I was eating a chair leg… No, I was actually eating a nice, juicy apple that I might’ve brought with me because I can’t afford to eat anything else… I stole the apple from Apple Jack at some point.
Also, I was eating a salad because Luna made me get it; she said she was paying and wanted to treat me to a nice dinner.
“So, how is raising a filly from the future?” Luna asked.
“She’s adorable!” I pulled out a drawing that Cozy Glow made. It was of the two of us playing in the snow. On it was a ‘I love my bug horse’. Bug horse is a slur typically used against changelings. I think my daughter might be super racist. “We played catch, I cuddled with her, bathed her, carried her through the castle while prancing, while holding her by the scruff of her neck. She was super embarrassed and complained about how I was showing her off to the world like any proud parent would!”
“She called you a slur.”
“So?”
“She’s racist.”
“And?”
“You don’t care, do you?”
“Everypony is a bit racist. You tried to cut my head off when we first met.”
“Look I-”
“I’m just messing with you. A slur is just the word. At least the slur she used didn’t start with an N.”
“What the buck are you talking about?”
“Cheese is made of moon.”
“Okay…” Luna giggled when everyone else looked at me. “I think you’re confusing everypony here.”
“Good. They’re a bunch of mustangs.”
“...That’s a slur, Stinky.”
“...That’s a shame. I wonder why my daughter is racist.”
I laid down next to Cozy Glow for the night, after a nice romantic dinner, me and Luna shared our first kiss, ever. So I was loaded on love and I was about ready to explode. “So, how did the date go?” My filly asked, looking up at me with big curious eyes.
“She kissed me.”
“...Good. If Princess Luna somehow broke your heart, I would’ve broken her legs.”
“That’s messed up.”
“And it would’ve been messed up if Luna broke your heart. You two clearly love each other, and it would be cruel if she decided to break up with you now.”
Cozy Glow
I nuzzled into the bug horse that decided to steal me from the future and adopt me. What I don’t understand is how this weird little changeling managed to win Luna in the end. Heck, in the future, they were actually married and Luna was carrying Stinky’s biological foal when she had captured me. I… almost felt bad for using this changeling as a hostage; he’s actually quite nice when you get the chance to know him… even if he was purposefully being an idiot most of the time.
Stinky nuzzled my ear before licking the inside of it… oh, that feels good. That feels so… lovely. If only my mother and father did this to me before I ended up attempting to burn down the fundamentals of Equestria to the ground. I leaned into the changeling’s nose as he moved from one ear to the next, after turning his hooves into griffin claws, and started rubbing my cheeks while he groomed the inside of my ears, my main, and he even started preening my wings. This changeling is fucking awesome!
Way better than using a psychotic, power hungry centaur as a father figure. Before I knew it, I was sleepily resting my head against Stinky’s neck, and he immediately went into mother bear mode. He started vigilantly eying the door, wrapped his tail around me, and pulled me so close with his forelegs that I was almost smushed into his carapace. Luckily, a changeling’s carapace was almost as soft as a pony’s skin, so it wasn’t uncomfortable. He nuzzled me a couple more times as I drifted off to sleep.
Queen Florial
I snuck into my son’s room to find that he and my newly acquired granddaughter were snuggling together. Me, being the happy grandma that I now was, snuck over to the bed and carefully extracted the filly in my son’s grasps. It was nearly six in the morning, so he would be waking up soon. Cozy however, being the young filly she was without any school to attend, was mine until she woke up. I set her on my withers and tip toed back out of the room. I trotted into my room across the hallway and laid down, keeping Cozy on the side of my stomach while she happily snoozed away.
Across the hall, I could hear Stinky let out a ‘my baby is missing’ screech, I heard wood being smashed, and the sound of hooves pounding into carpet and granite could be heard getting quieter and quieter. Meanwhile, Cozy Glow was sleepily awake, but pawing at my forelegs to get something to snuggle into. My heart absolutely melted at the adorable display, and I couldn’t help but abide by her requests for more snuggles.
A few hours later, Cozy Glow and I are sitting at a dinner table. I had just made pancakes for her and Skitter, who was happily eating pancakes as well. My son was noticeably missing for some reason.
“So, what are we doing today, Grandma?” Cozy Glow asked. Skitter stopped chewing, her mouth hung open with a bite of pancake still sitting on it.
“What did you just call me?”
“Grandma. I never had one, and if I did, I never met her. She probably would’ve been a bit of a bitch just like mother and father were. You are actually quite nice,” she said, twiddling her fork around on her plate.
“I…” I whispered. I cleared my throat before making sure I wouldn’t accidentally cry from the pure joy of being a grandmother again. “Well, I have nothing planned today. I was hoping to take you to the park today, maybe teach you whatever you would like? I have been around for centuries. I am willing to bet that I can teach you how to do at least something, even if I do not know what you would like to do.”
“Can you teach me how to draw better?” My granddaughter asked. “It would be quite nice to finally learn how to do that.”
“Of course! We can begin as soon as we are done eating breakfast!”
The way my granddaughter started smiling made me want to pick her up and nuzzle her for hours.
Stinky. He angy.
Where is my bucking child! I threw over another potted plant and looked behind it. Celestia and Luna were watching me, since I went through their rooms too, to conduct my search. For some bizarre reason, I couldn’t smell where she had gone. She just up and vanished. She smelled like she was just in my room, but she wasn’t there! Whoever took my daughter is going to get a face full of changeling spit.
It will be very unpleasant.
“Where is she!” I shouted, glaring at a random guard. I think this is the one that tried hitting on Skitter after being blatantly racist towards changelings.
“I don’t know, sir! Get out of my face! You’re kinda ugly looking!”
Luna’s ears started blowing steam, while Celestia was just snickering. I slowly turned my head to the side before getting even more in his face. “What did you say, Sergeant? Want to run that by me again?”
“You’re… ugly sir. What are you gonna do, Stupid? Lick my nose like you do with all the other guards?”
“I will kick your balls.”
“No you won’t- EEK!” The guard fell over onto his side after I kicked him in the balls. I threw the guard aside to make sure he didn’t fall on my filly, before kicking him in the stomach just for good measure.
Celestia and Luna watched as Stinky opened up a can of whoop flanks onto their particularly racist guard stallion, who had already been reprimanded, kicked in the balls(and a subsequent surgery for those balls). Apparently, when Stinky is angry, he is a lot less friendly or cuddly. And a lot more willing to cause harm. Apparently, since Stinky went through their rooms, looked through every crack and corner of said rooms, before neatly putting everything back together, his filly went missing.
Yes, that filly from the future.
Yes, that filly that, in the future, tried to take over Equestria because she really hated her parents.
That same filly that Stinky really cares about.
The same filly that Florial had expressed getting to know better; she really wanted to spoil the crap out of her granddaughter.
“Do you think we should stop him?” Luna asked.
“I don’t think we should. Watching him be angry is rather funny.” Celestia noted as Stinky threw the entire throne, yes her throne, out the window and looked under it. Not only did the window break, but so did some of the wall. “So that’s why our treasurer was getting so mad about the castle repair budget… And would explain all the broken windows.”
“What do you mean, Tia?’ Luna asked, looking up at her sister. The sound of Stinky kicking open a random closet could be heard from the throne room.
“...Stinky never broke your windows?”
“He has. Though why has it gone up so often?”
“When’s the last time you’ve seen Stinky, or any of his family members, leave the castle through the front door?”
“Never.”
“And how many times do they often end up outside?”
“A lot… Oh. I see now… We need to commission a new throne for you, by the way.”
“We are… At least we can get one with a built-in massage machine now!” Celestia did a hoof pump. “I always wanted one, but never had an excuse to get one until now. Perhaps I will be able to tolerate nobles during day court without having to fake a smile through them rambling on and on and on about how their four hundred bit T-shirt didn’t sell well.”
“...Why four hundred bits on a shirt? That’s as much as a house.” Luna ducked out of the way of a griffin being thrown at her. The griffin was knocked out while Stinky was swearing like a sailor under his breath. Soon, an unconscious minotaur nearly crashed into Celestia.
“I don’t bucking know, Luna. I really don’t know.”
“So, should we stop Stinky?”
“I’ll just ask Twilight to do something and go to a local spa. That’s what I usually do when there’s a world ending threat.”
“...Sister, you are a horrible ruler.”
“I deserve a break sometimes, don’t I?”
“Fair… Can I join you?”
“Of course! It’ll be just like old times when you weren’t nocturnal for no reason.”
Stinky
Eventually, I broke into Mom’s room, the last place I was checking. As soon as I saw Mom and Skitters, my mood softened a little. I trotted up to them, since they were facing away from the door. Instead, they were watching my daughter have a go at drawing something. “Steady dear,” Mom said as Cozy finally finished up a sketch… of me. “Excellent job, honey!” Mom scooped my daughter up in a hug… Now, I said I would spit in the mouth of whoever kidnapped Cozy Glow, but I don’t think I should spit in my Mom’s mouth.
Mom was getting her filly snuggles in, and I couldn’t complain about that.
“Hi Mom. Why did you take my filly without my permission?”
“Does a grandmother need an excuse to spend time with her grand foals?”
“I suppose not.”
“Hey Dad!” Cozy turned back to her sketch, before taking it with her mouth. “Look!” her voice was muffled because of the drawing she was now holding in… in her mouth.
It was beautiful.
“Let’s hang it on the fridge.”
“I don’t have a fridge,” I pointed out.
Skitter teleported out, and came back with a fridge she probably just stole from an appliance store.
“Let’s hang it on the fridge now,” she said with a huge smile. Cozy Glow started literally glowing with happiness as we hung the drawing up on the fridge, and took three steps back to admire my filly’s work. Cozy Glow hopped up on my withers and I could feel the pride oozing out of her.
“So, how did my daughter learn how to draw?” I asked.
“I taught her, because she asked me to. She’s going to learn how to bake from you if she asks though. I will burn the castle down if I even think about picking up a frying pan.”
“Okay. I will teach my daughter how to bake a cake.”
“Can we make a chocolate one?” Cozy asked. I simply nodded, before turning around and leaving the castle to take my filly to the park.