Big Macintosh and Rainbow Dash are Dating and Everypony Freaks Out

by BlackM


That one chapter with the meeting

Big Macintosh and Rainbow Dash are Dating and Everypony Freaks Out

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That one chapter with the meeting
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Having been on the farm before, and skilled at memorizing information, it wasn’t hard for Cheerilee to work her way around Sweet Apple Acres. Given that the farm was very large, finding the big red stallion would feasibly be a problem. However, the sounds of an axe at work made finding the pony simply a matter of locating the sound. As Cheerilee followed the noise, so, too, did the fillies follow Cheerilee.

From bush to bush, and apple tree to apple tree, the Cutie Mark Crusaders tagged their teacher while remaining undetected. One would think that stealth was at least one of the fillies’ special talents, but not really. Stealth and sneaking around was a natural skill of any troublesome foal, and being troublesome was another attribute of being a foal, much less a Cutie Mark Crusader.

Soon enough, Cheerilee found Big Macintosh at the border of their farm with Whitetail Woods very nearby. The stallion had a large empty cart nearby and held a small axe in his mouth. Some of the trees had unfinished axe marks on them while there were a handful of stumps nearby. It took Big Macintosh a few seconds to realize he had company, with three others still unnoticed.

“So, what are we supposed to be lookin’ for again?” Apple Bloom whispered.

The three fillies had stopped following and were nestled in a nearby bush, very much like the last time they had spied on their teacher and Big Macintosh. Only this time, they were here to make sure that the two ponies did not end up together, because one was already taken. Under the assumption that Cheerilee was out on a mission to win back Big Mac’s heart that she never had, the three fillies were on the lookout for any signs of jealousy, whatever they may be.

“The exfillyfriend always shows discomfort when she hears anything to do with her ex dating another pony,” Sweetie Belle explained, “If Cheerilee looks a little bit upset, she’s envious.”

“She’s smiling! She’s masking her feelings!” Scootaloo exclaimed, as loudly as she could through whispering.

“Good afternoon, Big Macintosh,” Cheerilee greeted, “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Scootaloo retched and quietly sneered, “She’s so faking it, it hurts.”

“Eeyup,” he replied through his teeth, setting the axe down so that he could speak clearly, “Howya been?”

“Rather fine, thanks for asking,” she stated, “Although, your sister Apple Bloom and her friends have been getting into trouble at school.

Apple Bloom gulped.

“That so? What’d they do this time?” he took the axe back into his mouth and walked over to another tree.

“The janitor’s floor buffer. They thought they’d be able to fly with it,” Cheerilee recalled as she could feel her migraine returning, “They actually did, at the expense of the school’s floors.”

Big Macintosh left the axe from where it struck the tree and turned to the teacher, “Property damage. You come to discuss a fine?”

“Actually, our school is covered by it by Mayor Mare’s new Reckless Youth Actions policy,” Cheerilee rubbed her head, “It still surprises me that, after Ursa Minors and a Cerberus, our own town has to defend itself from foals too.”

Big Macintosh chuckled, “Since Apple Bloom’s wit’ the Cutie Mark Crusaders, it only figures that Applejack signed us up for that.”

“Brutal honesty if I’ve ever seen it,” Cheerilee said as Macintosh resumed work, “But, that’s not why I came here.”

“It’s not?” he asked before he swung the axe.

“No. I actually heard from a…friend of mine that you seem to have a new fillyfriend now.”

Sweetie Belle paid careful attention to her teacher’s facial expressions, even though she didn’t have her sister’s eye for detail. All she knew of facial expressions that displayed intent were from her own friends when they came up with a plan. And that was often.

“Oh, that. Yer wonderin’ too, huh?” he said through his teeth again before swinging the axe into the tree.

“Yes. And I was wondering if you could confirm it for me,” she asked.

“She’s tilting her head slightly,” Scootaloo whispered, “What could that mean?”

“Coaxing the male with a cute gesture,” Sweetie Belle explained, “She’s leaving bread crumbs for him.”

“But mah brother ain’t a pigeon,” Apple Bloom spoke up.

“What’s the big deal?” Big Macintosh spoke up before the fillies could argue, “Is it a crime t’ be datin’ somepony?”

“Well, I’m sorta worried some ponies may make it seem that way,” Cheerilee said, thinking back to that meeting Berry was going to, “However, if any pony’s going to be the reasonable adult here, it should be me. So I came simply to ask.”

“She’s bein’ rather formal, isn’t she?” Apple Bloom noted.

“She’s trying to be a good sport about it by demonstrating sensibility,” Sweetie Belle said, “A façade to entice the male into opening up more about confidential information, which she’ll use for malicious purposes.”

“…are you still speaking English?” Scootaloo asked.

“Oh. Glad you’re one of those mares,” Big Macintosh said, earning a bashful shrug from Cheerilee, “Well, yes. Ah am datin’ Rainbow Dash. Sure as shoeshine.”

“Aha! Shoeshine!” Sweetie Belle proclaimed with a confident smile, which soon fell as she realized what little relevance it had, “…wait, shouldn’t it be called horseshoeshine?”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, however, didn’t hear her, as they were awestruck at what they had just heard, “Ah can’t believe it,” the apple filly said in disbelief, “Right from the horse’s mouth!”

“So, Rainbow Dash really is dating your brother?” Scootaloo said in thought, “That means…Apple Bloom’s going to be the sister-in-law of the most awesomest pony in Equestria!”

“Well, congratulations,” Cheerilee said, “I certainly hope it works out with her, better than you and me.”

Macintosh chuckled, “You don’t have to worry ‘bout that. Me an’ Dash have been hittin’ it off well.”

“Sweetie Belle, did you see that?” Apple Bloom said suddenly, “Look at her eyes.”

Sweetie Belle analyzed Cheerilee’s face and eyes but couldn’t see anything distinctive, “What about them?” the unicorn filly asked.

“Her brow’s all low, almost sad,” the earth pony filly pointed out, “What does that mean?”

“Oh. It could just be that she’s sad, disheartened, upset, or embarrassed,” Sweetie Belle explained, not yet realizing the relevance of what she was relaying, “Or jealous.”

“Just like that thing you said some time back then,” Scootaloo punctuated.

“That’s good to hear,” “Oh she’s totally masking it,” “Although, I am rather curious as to how you two manage to hit it off so well given…you know.”

Big Macintosh chuckled, “You ain’t the first pony to ask me that. AJ was jus’ plain confused when we told her. Ah guess it’s because she’s everythin’ Ah ain’t, and Ah like her for it.”

“Aww, that’s sweet,” “Could she be any more obvious?” “So, how long have you two been dating?”

The stallion hummed before settling on telling the truth, “Well, Ah find it hard to lie, so, ‘bout two months.”

“Two months?” “You can see her heart shatter into tiny little pieces,” “Why would you need to hide it?”

“We were worried AJ wouldn’t approve,” Macintosh put away the axe, at last, “After all, she’s her best friend too, and we thought she wouldn’t react positively to us.”

“I see,” “Hey! She’s got that same spark in her eye like you do when you get an idea, Scootaloo,” “So, what am I supposed to tell the others, then?”

“Might as well be the truth,” Mac said as he walked towards the first tree he started working on, “Pinkie’s throwin’ a party for us tonight at the farm. Might as well get it out sooner than later.”

The red stallion took a deep breath before pulling in his hind legs and delivering a mighty buck to the apple tree behind him. With a sharp sound like that of an explosion, the tree started to give way easily thanks to the earlier axe marks. The tree split from the trunk until it fell, leaving behind a splintery stump.

“Whoa,” was all Cheerilee and the Cutie Mark Crusaders managed to say before Macintosh went to the next tree.

“W-well then. That’s all I needed to know,” she said as Macintosh destroyed another tree, “G-good luck with Rainbow Dash. I’ll be sure to be there for the party.”

“Eeyup. Pleasure talkin’ with ya,” Mac said before defeating another tree.

With the deafening boom of another defeated tree, the cutie mark crusaders snapped back to reality.

“Sweetie Belle, did Cheerilee really look like a jealous ex?” Apple Bloom asked, “I still didn’t see anythin’ that meant she was bad.”

“You mean incriminating,” Sweetie Belle corrected, “And I don’t know what you’re talking about. She looked totally jealous.”

“So, what do we do now?” Scootaloo asked.

Sweetie Belle took a moment and reviewed every overdone cliché in all the romance novels and soap operas she’s seen that were relevant to the situation. Of course, her misguided mind misread and misinterpreted every one of these clichés and warped it into an obscure imagery of the romance genre. Not to mention, such works of fiction aren’t reliable depictions of real life, either.

“She’s going to be at the party, right?” the two fillies nodded, “She must be planning to conspire their relationship, maybe try and kiss Mac in front of Rainbow Dash!”

“Would Cheerilee really do that?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Seems a little much,” Scootaloo agreed.

“The exfillyfriend is always the enemy in these kinds of situations,” Sweetie Belle explained further, “We should expect and prepare for the worst!”

“So, do we go track down Ms. Cheerilee and tie her down or something?” the pegasus filly asked.

“I’ll go get mah sister’s rope,” Apple Bloom spoke up.

“Ok, good. First, we have to-”

Sweetie Belle was cut off, however, as Big Macintosh had broken another tree. And to their dismay, they were in the path of the falling branches and leaves.

“AHHHHHH-!”

And then the fillies died.

Hah, not really. They got knocked out.

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...please maintain consistent narration for the story, thank you...
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“I still don’t see why I had to go.”

“Blues, really. I know you better than anypony, and I know that you had nothing better to do.”

The blue pony groaned as he trailed his brown friend up the trail of Sweet Apple Acres. Several minutes ago, they were in town square, minding their own business, when suddenly, Twilight Sparkle herself came up to them and asked for their help. She wanted them to look for Pinkie Pie and bring her to the library while she prepared for something. His friend, Caramel, was eager to help out, given that he had a not too secret crush on Twilight for a while now, but he still didn’t know why he had to get dragged into it.

The sound of trees exploding in the distance caught their attention. After a while, Caramel dismissed it.

“Huh. Sounds like Macintosh and Rainbow Dash are ‘bucking trees’,” he joked.

Blues groaned, “Real mature, Caramel. Real mature.”

He blew a raspberry in response, “But really. What do you make of it?”

“A flavorless joke.”

“No, I mean, Mac and Dash dating?” Caramel said, “The Cakes said Pinkie was setting up a party for it. Must’ve been really important for her to skip work. Those two looked really exhausted.”

“Oh, well,” he never gave relationships much thought, since he had been missing out on them to his chagrin, “I think it’s good for them. I wonder how it’s like for an earth pony to date a pegasus.”

“I dated a pegasus once,” Caramel noted, “It’s like hugging a squishy ponyquine, only they’re more full of muscle than they look.”

“So, how’s the romance?” he asked.

Caramel took a moment to recollect his time spent with his past flying fillyfriends, and he had a lot of them. It wasn’t that Caramel had the magnetism of, well, a magnet. More like, he leapt from mare to mare like a frog in a pool of lily pads. The instant he got dumped, he’d get another one just as soon. And he’s been at it since his teens.

“Hum, they’re easy to bore, but they’re also easy to get excited,” he answered, “I guess pegasi prefer an active relationship.”

“In that case, I’ll stick with earth ponies, thank you very much,” Blues said dismissively.

“Don’t you mean, Pinkie Pie?” Caramel jabbed.

His throat clenched at the mention of his crush. It wasn’t well known that Blues really liked that pink pony, but to the few ponies that knew him, it was blatantly obvious.

“You know what, I should let you do the talking when we get there,” Caramel teased.

Blues groaned again, “What are you trying to pull?”

“I dunno. Let’s say a bug gets stuck in my throat just as we get there and you have to give her Twilight’s message?” he prodded further.

“Well, if it does happen, I hope it stays like that for a week,” Blues joked back.

Caramel scoffed, “Yeah, well. With your kind of luck, that’s not going to-”

Caramel had stopped talking, however, as a random blob of cake mix and confetti had rocketed into his face and buried him into the ground.

“Huh? Caramel!”

Blues knelt down and swept away the cake from his mouth, allowing him to breathe. As he picked the pony up by the shoulders and shook him, he wondered where the attack came from, given that they were close to the barn. The stallion gave no response, and Blues fears were confirmed.

He was knocked out. And he’d have to do the talking.

“Oh, dammit Caramel. You know better than to test my luck,” he said as he buckled down and picked the unconscious pony onto his back, “Sigh, maybe we can get you to the hospital before I have to talk to-”

“Omigosh! Did I hurt somepony?!”

To his dismay, a pink pony galloped out of the barn they were approaching. Caramel’s situational premonition had come true, albeit at the cost of his wellbeing.

“P-P-Pinkie Pie,” was all Blues was able to say as the pink pony went around and inspected the unconscious stallion.

“Omigosh, I’m so sorry,” she said as she faced Blues, who was focusing less on the unconscious friend on his back, “I was fixing up my party cannon and I tried to test it but it went out of control again and began to fire all over the place and some of the ammo fired out the door.”

Blues attempted to speak, but his words fizzled like soda spilling from the can, “Uh, gyuh, mrh, mHMM! I mean, so that explains it.”

Pinkie faced the blue pony as worried as she could be, “Is he going to be okay? Does he need a doctor?”

This was Blues big break, “Uh, yeah I mean,” but then he remembered he still had Twilight’s message to give, “No, I mean,” and now he was conflicted. On one hoof, he could ditch the pink pony and go the hospital without holding a conversation with her, on the other hoof, Caramel, and Twilight especially, would be upset that a forgetful pony never gave Pinkie the message.

A second to mull over the lesser of two evils, and he made his choice.

The hospital visit would probably cost money anyways.

“Uhh, okay,” the pony struggled to properly form a sentence, “I-I mean, it’s okay. I mean, he’ll, be okay. He’s an earth pony. He can handle it.”

Caramel groaned hazily, confirming he was still alive.

“Are you sure?” she asked, “If it was Applejack or somepony else, I’d believe it, but…”

“Oh, I think he works here sometimes…” Blues said, trying to keep out of direct eye contact with her.

“Huh, okay then,” she hesitantly returned to her happy vigor, “So! What brings you two here?”

Blues gulped again, suddenly forgetting everything for half a second, “Uhhh, we were actually looking for you, Pinkie.”

“Oh? Is it to host a party?” she gave a wide smile, “But I’m still busy setting up this one and I can’t host two parties at the same time but maybe I can hurry up here and go over there to set up a party oh but then I can’t be at both parties although I could do what Rarity did back in Sweet and Elite and go back and forth between the two parties but that really depends on how far away they are and Rarity got quickly tired and even though I have a lot of energy I don’t think I can do the same thing again but what if I combine the two parties we can be celebrating two special occasions on the same day oh but that depends on what the other party is like a foal’s party or an anniversary or actually tell me what kind of…” Noticing she was still talking, she paused, “You can stop me anytime, you know.”

Blues shook his head, snapping out of his trance, “Uhhh, right. Sorry.”

Pinkie blinked. This normally didn’t happen when she talked to ponies.

“Sooo, what kind of party is it?” she resumed.

Blues coughed, “Actually, Twilight wanted us…to bring you to the library for something. She didn’t say why.”

“The library?” she asked, “What is it?”

Blues rolled his eyes involuntarily, “A big building with lots of books in it. But that’s not important right now.”

“Hah. Airplanes,” she giggled, “Do I have to go right now?” the pink pony asked.

Blues shrugged, “I guess so. She was in a hurry after Mr. Sleepyhead back here agreed.”

And then, unexpectedly, Pinkie Pie started convulsing all over.

“Whoa, Pinkie, do you need a doctor or something?” Blues asked worriedly.

“N-n-n-n-noooooo,” Pinkie tried to speak before stopping, “I mean, no, I’m fine. That’s just my pinkie sense acting up.”

“Oh right, that thing you do,” the blue pony said, “So, what is it this time?”

“Oh, some unexpected doozey, that’s all,” Pinkie said happily before shaking again, “Thissss hassss beeeen haaaapeniiiiing allllll dayyyyyy.”

“A…a doozey? Like what?” Blues asked, worried again.

Pinkie managed to speak a little more clearly this time, “Iiii donnn’t knnnoww,” she stopped jittering again, “But the last time it happened, me and my friends were attacked by a hydra.”

Blues was unfazed by this, “…oh.”

“Actually, it was Twilight believing in my Pinkie Sense,” she recalled, “But who knows! It could be anything! That sorta makes it exciting, eeeeheehee!” she shook again but this time not because of her Pinkie Sense.

“Well, do you know when it will be?” he asked, “I’m not exactly comfortable knowing that a surprise is coming. Although, doom is more like it.”

“Oh, it should be right here at the farm,” she said before shaking violently for a brief moment, “Don’t know when, though!”

“Right. We’ll then…” Blues said awkwardly, “I guess we’ll be on our way.”

“You’ll be here for the party, right?” she asked behind.

He was about to say no until he turned back and saw her pleading eyes boring right into him. Blues found it suddenly very hard to deny her of anything. If she had asked for his saxophone…well, he’d still say no, but it’d be the closest yes he’d ever give. For this request, it was a guaranteed yes.

“Y-yeah. I’ll be here,” he said.

“Yay! Party starts at seven, so don’t be late!” was all she said before she zipped off into town, jittering halfway there and leaving a blurry, zigzagging trail behind.

With a tired sigh, Blues walked down the path back to town where they came from. That talk went better than expected, although he wasn’t sure if it meant anything, just idle chatter. He enjoyed it still, though he wondered if she caught anything from it; nothing ever got past Pinkie Pie. If she did, oh well. He’d be coming around for the party, which he’d normally be reluctant to do, but a part of him was hoping for some development between their friendship, in the direction of something more.

Any impending disaster he’ll just take in stride. He just hoped it didn’t hurt as much.

“So, you’re going to the party?” Caramel mumbled on his back.

“Yeah. I might as wel-” he paused, “Wait, have you been awake this whole time?”

“No, I just regained consciousness…” he explained, “…after you picked me up on your back.”

“Wha, why didn’t you say anything?” Blues asked.

“And let you miss out on the chance of talking to Pinkie? Psh,” Caramel teased, “I expected you to be the jittering one though, not her.”

Annoyed, Blues promptly let Caramel fall off his back, resulting in a short cry of pain.

“Ow.”

“What about you?” Blues ignored his yelp and asked.

“Well, I landed on a pebble on a really sensitive-”

“No, I mean, the party,” Blues interrupted, “I can’t be the only one to suffer alone.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” Caramel confirmed, getting up, “I mean, all of their friends will be there. And that’s a lot of beautiful mares in one setting.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said as he rolled his eyes, “Hopefully it doesn’t end like that time you double dated Carrot Top and that background pony on Hearts and Hooves Day.”

“Oh please, what do you take me for, Blues?” he asked, pretending to be offended, “I got enough sweet filling to share with all the pretty ponies.”

“We’re done talking about this.”

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A doozey? At the farm? Oh dear...
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The library had never seen so many visitors before. In fact, the only time the place had been packed was when Pinkie Pie threw a surprise party for Twilight when she moved into town. In an odd twist, Twilight was the one hosting this meeting instead, and the only ponies that were prompted to be here were those concerned with the number of stallion bachelors left in town; namely, all of the mares.

It was difficult to imagine so many mares packed into one room, yet the library inexplicably seemed big enough to hold the number. The population had definitely grown since Twilight had come around, yet, even the newcomers were worried about the status of stallions within Ponyville that were left for them. Ordinarily, meetings like this were arranged once a year, when the headcount of single stallions had changed. This time, however, it was too important to wait.

Big Macintosh was in a relationship now, and with Rainbow Dash, of all ponies.

Finally, after minutes of waiting, Twilight Sparkle emerged from the second floor bedroom. Even though it was just a normal meeting to look over the bachelor ponies left available in Ponyville, she had come out dressed in a black bowtie and suit. Her owl pet humorously wore a fedora hat and a miniature tie, making her appearance overall more comical than ominous.

“I’m glad you were all able to make it here on such short notice,” she said as she descended down the stairs, hearing and brushing off slight snickers in the crowd, “As you all know, something unexpected has developed in our humble little town. Something big.”

“He’s big alright!” Berry Punch shouted from the crowd, followed by lonely cheering.

“Umm, okay,” Twilight said as she made it to the foot of the stairs, “Ahem, anyway. As you all have probably heard, there is news going around town that Big Macintosh is dating somepony.”

The crowd resounded in hushed gossip and chatter as Twilight made her way to the front of the crowd.

“Well, prior to this meeting, I managed to interview the ‘culprit’ responsible for this mystery, Rainbow Dash,” she said, to the surprise of the crowd, “And for those of you still in the dark, I can confirm that, yes, he is dating Big Macintosh.”

As the crowd talked amongst themselves a little louder, a light blue mare with a linked horseshoe cutie mark leaned up, “Did you figure out how long they’ve been dating?”

At this point, Twilight had regretted not bringing a bubble pipe for her to casually blow as she gathered her thoughts. The position of briefing newfound information to her peers and the feeling of superiority, it totally called for it. She’d have to shop at the gag shop for one as soon as possible. But for now, she’d have to settle with a less effective substitute.

“Why yes, yes I did,” she confirmed as her eyes scanned the area until it fell on the table. With her magic, she levitated a toothpick into her mouth and continued, looking as thoughtful as ever, “Contrary to what she’s told everypony else, I’m afraid to tell you all that she hasn’t been dating Macintosh for a week, but rather, a few months.”

At this, the audience gasped and whispered amongst themselves, while a few remained quiet.

“Now, as to why she would lie about something like this, I wasn’t able to learn,” she explained, chewing on her toothpick, “She had to leave with Rarity before I could finish our talk.”

“It seems far too suspicious for my liking,” a pony said as she walked out of the crowd. The ponies identified her silvery green hair, pink bow, and flies cutie mark as Cloudchaser’s sister, “In fact, wasn’t there a certain rumor floating around in town before?”

“Do you think Rainbow Dash found out and decided to start dating Mac as a cover up?” Lyra said as she raised her hoof.

“No, not likely,” Twilight spoke up, “That contradicts with the info that she and Mac have been dating for a few months. If she wanted to cover it up, why lie about the time?”

“But everypony and their grandma thought the rumors were true,” a purple unicorn with gems for a cutie mark spoke up, “You’d think she wouldn’t have known and done something about it?”

“Hmm, I still don’t see it,” Twilight said, “The word of Rainbow Dash versus the word of gossip doesn’t seem like a fair match.”

“Hey, Rarity was the one who started the rumor,” Carrot Top spoke up, “Let’s think about that. They’re close friends and Rarity is one of the first to speak of new gossip. Could it be that they’re in on it together?”

Twilight looked at the orange mare oddly and blinked, “I…don’t think so. I mean, she talked about wanting to marry a prince before, so that rules out-”

“No, I mean,” she interrupted, “Do you think there’s a possibility that the two of them made the whole thing up to cover for her?”

At this, the mares began to whisper among themselves at the possibility of lies begetting more lies.

“Ok, first of all, that’s absurd,” Twilight said abruptly, “Secondly, a scheme that big requires a lot of careful and delicate planning. And not to mention, Big Macintosh would have to be in on it too, and I doubt that an Apple pony could agree to such a grand fabrication.”

“But doesn’t that seem like something she would do?” Flitter pointed out, “A friend of yours turns out to have started that one rumor about you and they want to fix it. What better way than to have some solid cover up?”

A few of the mares nodded in agreement.

“That’s a bit of a stretch. I don’t see why they can’t just tell the truth,” Twilight explained.

Flitter dismissed her words with a wave of her hoof, “Oh please. She’s been in Ponyville for a few years now. We’ve all come to accept that the rumors were most likely true, what with her being at Sweet Apple Acres a lot. Do you think you could change the mind of an entire town by yourself?”

If there was one thing that could be said about Ponyville, it was how adamant gossip was. It would stick like caked mud in the cracks of horseshoes, and harder to get rid of. To debunk such rumors in town, it would indeed take quite a bit of planning and forming to undo. Perhaps it was quite likely that there was a conspiracy going on.

Or they were all overthinking it.

Nah, that’s not likely.

“Uhh, I hate to admit it, but you have a good point,” she said as she rubbed her chin, “Well, glad to know I don’t have rumors spread around town about me, right?”

Some of the mares avoided eye contact with her while others nervously nodded.

“So now we’ve accepted the possibility that it’s all a cover up,” Flitter stated as she took a spot near Twilight, in front of the crowd, “Question is, how do we expose it?”

“Excuse me, but who’s running the meeting here?” Twilight said as she reared her head out of view behind Flitter.

“Why are you running the meeting anyway?” she shot back.

Twilight stepped into view from behind Flitter, “Because, like the rest of you, I am just as suspicious of Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh dating and I called for this to gather information of everything concerning the two. And, thanks to you and your deliriously warped perception, you’ve opened up one window of insight to such a possibility of it all being a big white lie.”

“Oh yeah! Well…” Flitter wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be insulted or congratulated, “…you’re welcome!”

Just then, the door to the library opened, and in walked a purple and green dragon holding a large scroll.

“I’m back, Twilight!” Spike called out, careful to maneuver the giant paper roll, “I got you that SLIP list you wanted…”

As the young dragon shifted the scroll around, he was surprised to see a room full of mares staring back at him.

“Whoa. Is it some stallion’s bachelor party?” a few mares glared at him, “What? That’s supposed to be a compliment!”

Twilight motioned to him from behind the crowd, “Spike, over here.”

The dragon obeyed and delivered the thick scroll to her. She received it with her magic and scanned it over, measuring to see how much info it would have.

“Wait, what’s with your dad’s business suit?” Spike asked, “And, why is Owlowiscious wearing a hat and my tie?”

“Thank you, my faithful assistant,” she ignored him as she turned him around, “Now go back outside. We have business to take care of.”

“Whoa, Twilight, you never give me this much free time,” Spike mentioned as Twilight began to push him out of impatience.

“Yeah well, stuff came up and you wouldn’t care about this kind of stuff,” she said , pushing him closer to the door.

“B-but wait! Can’t I go back to my bed and just sleep in?” he nearly begged, “I promise, I won’t interfere with anything downstairs!”

“Yeah, well somepony might need your help out there still. Why don’t you go see if Cheerilee or Rarity needs your help?” she finished just as she led him to the outside of the library.

“W-wait,” he turned around, “Can I at least have some bits for lu-” The door shut.

“Now that all distractions are out of the way,” Twilight said as she returned to the front of the group, “We can now look over the list of Stallions living in Ponyville, or SLIP for short.”

“Don’t we have some more important things to do?” Flitter asked.

“I agree, but we have to go over this list first,” Twilight explained, unrolling it in the air, “It’s the only reason Mayor Mare let me host the meeting this time. Afterwards, we can tie up any ‘loose ends’.”

As the scroll unrolled out into the library, the mares gave it a quick look over. Seeing as how Macintosh was taken, they needed to see which stallion was left over that could hold a candle to his undeniably charming finesse.

“Oooh, this one’s cute,”, “Is that one still dating that pegasus?”, “Does anypony have a marker?”, “Lot’s of tasty lookin’ earth ponies here,”, “What are you, a pony eater?”, “Well, when you put it that way…”, “I think I’ll ask that one out,”, “Hey, can we blacklist Mr. Steroids over here already?”, “Hey, do horns hurt?”, “Hey wait a minute, where’s that other apple pony?”

At this, the mares stopped glancing over the list and started scanning it more carefully. No mare could have forgotten an apple pony, not after the legacy of Big Macintosh. Like a gift from the heavens, another apple pony, Braeburn specifically, had arrived in Ponyville just as the news came to light. There was just one problem. He was already taken. Or was he?

“What other apple pony?” Twilight asked as she set down the unrolled list.

“Lean, blonde, and delicious, wears a cowboy hat,” Lyra started explaining.

“…Applejack?” she tilted her head.

“No! Well, that can be applied to her as well,” Lyra mentioned, “But there was another pony who came by the farm, before the meeting. He wore a vest and his name started with a b. Brow…burn…brony?”

“Oh! You mean Braeburn?” the unicorn remembered Applejack’s cousin from her last visit to Appleloosa.

“Yeah! That guy!” Lyra made a swooning motion, “It’s like Applejack became a boy and embraced his bachelor status.”

“Well, he ain’t a bachelor anymore,” a unicorn mare spoke up, “Darn pegasi just swooped down and took him before the rest of us got a chance to approach him.”

“Another pegasi?” Carrot Top thought out loud, “Wow. What’s with these apple ponies and wings? It’s like a family fetish or something.”

“Hey, don’t knock until you’ve tried it,” Flitter defended.

“We’re getting off topic, everypony,” Twilight shot up, “We didn’t come here to talk about stallions. We came here to talk about a stallion and his mare!”

The room went silent as every pony stared at the purple unicorn.

“What’s wrong with you? You a virgin or something?” Rose said bluntly. The other mares around her nodded in agreement.

At this, Twilight began to fume fervently. She had forged this meeting for an honest purpose, and yet, everypony that got involved with her intentions assumed it was because of some juvenile jealousy. She was better than that, she knew at least, yet it seemed like some ponies found it hard to reason that it wasn’t because of sexual frustration. Her father, her mother, her brother slash BBBFF, her friends, even her pet owl that one night, all seem to firmly hold onto the idea that she needs to get laid, and soon.

Thankfully, Owlowiscious, who had been roosted on her back during the entire meeting, noticed her tension and sought out a way to resume the meeting. The owl scanned the nearest bookshelf for something to snap Twilight out of her anger and then took off. He took a book in both talons and carried it in front of the unicorn, the very action brought her attention back to the meeting. She took it with her magic and read the title as Owlowiscious landed on her back. The book read ‘The Science of Love: Secrets Behind Closed and Opened Doors’.

And then, inspiration.

“I apologize for that little hiccup, everypony. I merely lost my focus,” Twilight said as she rearranged the toothpick in her mouth, “I believe the real reason we’re gathered here is the surrounding mystery behind Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh dating. If I recall, you were all just as surprised as I was when you heard the news.”

The crowd responded with nods and yeses.

“You see, the real reason I wanted to host this meeting was to attain a host of information from the town ponies, who, obviously, know more about town gossip than I do,” she said as she opened her book, “This book tells all about how ponies psychologically react to love, internal, external, third party, crush, memories, etc. But what baffles me the most is how two ponies like Macintosh and Dash could ever become an item. One’s an introvert, the other’s the supreme example of extroversion.”

Rose raised her hoof, “Wait a minute, what about consulting the list of bachelor stallions?” the mares agreed.

The unicorn sighed, “I would go over that list, but Pinkie Pie’s supposed to point out which stallions are taken or not, and she’s not here yet. Besides, I already started the suspicions subject, so it’ll have to wait un-”

“Oh? You were waiting for me?”

All heads turned to a pink pony walking out of the kitchen, with a spoon in her mouth and a bowl of banana pudding on her back.

Pinkie took the spoon out of her mouth to speak, “I’ve been waiting here since the meeting started and you never called for me. And I got hungry so I decided to fix myself a little snack and-”

“Well then, later, Pinkie!” Twilight intervened, “I’ll call for you when you’re needed. I just want to finish this other thing first!”

Pinkie Pie blinked a few times, took the bowl of pudding from her back, all the while maintaining eye contact with Twilight while she stirred the bowl with a spoon, took a large dollop of pudding, and shucked it into her mouth.

“Mmm, okay!” she finished with a slightly full mouth, then bounced back into the kitchen.

The unicorn took a deep breathe before continuing, “Anyhoo. I’ve already started, so afterwards we can have Pinkie look over the list of available stallions for you all. Now, as I was saying, introverts and extroverts don’t mix.”

“Wait, what’s an extrovert?” Carrot Top spoke up.

Twilight was quick to deliver an answer, “I’m glad you asked that. An extrovert is a pony that is more comfortable around other ponies than they are by themselves, and practically get their energy from others. Isn’t that right, Pinkie Pie?”

Pinkie responded by manifesting in the crowd, pulling two mares into a tight hug, “Yes, sir! Ma’am, sir sir!” then vanished the way she came.

“An introvert is the opposite,” Twilight continued to explain, shifting her toothpick to make sure it didn’t fall, “They prefer the solace of being alone and like to keep it that way. They won’t object to being around others but only on their own will. Their energy is spent on socializing and they have to recharge themselves in the comfort of aloneness, so to speak.”

“Hey, that’s sorta like you, Twilight!” Pinkie pointed out as she zipped next to the unicorn, who had expected her appearance and did not flinch.

“Exactly,” she said as her owl kept a close eye on the other pony, “Now, naturally, these two types conflict with each other. One tries to push the other away,” Twilight said and demonstrated as she placed a hoof on Pinkie’s face and pushed, “And the other resists and attempts to move forward,” Pinkie responded by pressing forward. The two of them volleyed back and forth like this for the group to observe. “You see, there’s no way these two types of ponies can ever be intricate lovers.”

Lyra leaned up from the crowd, “But, what about you and Pinkie?”

Twilight was about to answer until she caught on to what she was implying. Before she could react, though, she focused her words rather than acting on the first thoughts that came to her, “No no, I said, lovers, not friends. I mean, it’s not uncommon for the two opposites to become friends and all, and even then, I can barely tolerate Pinkie Pie most of the time. Right, Pinkie?”

Pinkie Pie muffled an agreement from under Twilight’s hoof.

“But like I said,” Twilight continued, not noticing Pinkie’s growing need for air, “Rainbow Dash is an extrovert, the very peak of extroversion. And Big Macintosh is an introvert, the quietest of the quiet. How two polar opposites could ever be a couple is beyond me.”

“Oooh, now I understand,” Linky spoke up, “All those times I hit on him in town makes sense, because I was so forward.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t hit him so hard,” Berry Punch said.

“Is that what drives him off? Extroversion?” another mare asked.

“I just learned something, in a library!” a screwy eyed pegasus said.

“So now do you see?” Twilight said, taking her hoof off of Pinkie Pie’s face, who sucked in some much needed air, “Two ponies like Macintosh and Dash can’t possibly be dating. I would’ve expected Rainbow to find a nice colt in a Wonderbolt or something and Macintosh to be with…” she scanned the group of mares giving her a hopeful look in their eyes, “…Fluttershy! So there has to be something fishy going on in this relationship.”

“But Twilight,” Pinkie Pie spoke up, but the unicorn merely shushed her.

“I’m going to forward my original idea that he’s using her as a cover up so that the other mares can stop hitting on him,” Carrot Top said with a raised hoof, “Because really. He might not say much, but even I know I’d be tired of something like that.”

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself, Carrot Top,” Flitter shot, “Just because you’ve been dating so many stallions doesn’t mean you can speak for somepony who’s been around.”

“Oh, no you didn’t,” the earth pony sneered back.

“I accept that theory!” Twilight exclaimed, hoping to avert a fight. It worked, “It’s not hard to believe that such a pony like Macintosh would get tired of mares tailing him whenever he’s in town. I’d know he’d be tired of ponies spying on him from around the corners, or stealing looks at his behind, or even trying to sneak peeks at his underside.”

“Twilight, you’re implying anypony here actually does that,” Rose pointed out.

“And you’re implying any mare wouldn’t,” Twilight stared back, “Are you? Be honest with yourself.”

Every mare in the room averted their eyes and kicked the floor.

“Thought so. So, now that we know one possible theory that it’s a sham and that Mac’s using Rainbow to protect him from other mares,” Twilight said, putting the book she was holding away, “Question is, what would Rainbow get out of it?”

This time, Flitter raised her hand, “I strongly believe that Rainbow Dash is truly a fillyfooler and is using Mac as a beard. I mean, come on. She goes to Sweet Apple Acres all the time. If it were me, I’d be going there for Applejack instead.”

“Uhh, well, I guess it’s a possible theory,” Twilight thought aloud.

“Actually, Twilight,” Pinkie spoke up again, but the crowd continued their discussion and the unicorn ignored her.

“Don’t you think she’d have another reason to agree to such a ploy?” another mare asked, “I mean, what about free apple food? That stuff’s amazingly good.”

“Oh! What about Wonderbolt tickets!” a mare with a cherry cutie mark brought up, “She’d do anything for those. And the apples have a lot of money, so why not?”

“But what if *hic* she owes them a debt or something?” Berry Punch pointed out, “You all know how reckless the rainbow one can be.”

“Would she really agree to being his fillyfriend to pay off a debt?” another mare asked.

“Hey, *hic* I know what it’s like to break something and owe a pony a lot of money. You think he wouldn’t take advantage of that?”

“But would she really ask him something so complicated?”

“Like I said, *hic* she breaks a lot of stuff. I mean, she practices her tricks over there. Is it so farfetched that she *hic* owes them a few trees, or an orchard or two?” Berry Punch explained.

“Berry, have you been drinking again?” Twilight asked.

“Maybe a little,” she hiccupped.

“Okay, well…all of those are very good theories, but none of us have proof,” Twilight continued, “Which brings me to my next subject. An organized scouting mission, involving all of Ponyville.”

At this, the room gasped in surprise. Not just at the concept of pulling them all into a mission to gather intelligence, but the fact that Twilight was arranging it, and setting it up on one of her friends.

“Hold on, Twilight,” Pinkie tried to intervene, but the unicorn simply dismissed her with a glance and a wave of her hoof. Sighing, she figured to let them talk it out even though she knew that Mac and Dash were doing it. Although, if she brought it up, she’d be asked for proof and nopony would believe her. Unless, she could just return home, get on her computer, and print out the story. But that would make things extremely awkward on this side of the wall and she’d likely be asked for copies. Perhaps it was better if she stayed quiet this time. Might as well enjoy the show with a hearty bowl of banana pudding.

“When you all leave today,” Twilight continued, “I’m tasking everypony here to gather information on Rainbow Dash, figure out exactly why she’s dating Big Macintosh. The instant you hear something of value, report back to me. No passing it on to other ponies. Only tell me and tell me exactly how you heard it. There’s no room for mixed words or anything, got it?”

“I’m all for it!” Lyra said, leaping with irrational exuberance. The other mares around her seemed to be catching her energy as they decided to get excited at the idea of being part of something big.

“He’s big alright! Wooooo!” Berry cheered.

“Hey! That’s my schtick!” Pinkie cried.

“We are going to settle this once and for all, everypony,” Twilight said, ignoring the two ponies bickering, “Now, let’s settle and end this meeting so we can get on with the mission, before we all get back our minds!”

The crowd of ponies cheered as the list was looked over one last time, with Pinkie supervising.

Nopony questioned why she was jittering so much.

---
Why are they putting so much importance on this?
---

They didn’t know how long they had been knocked out. All they knew was that it was like falling asleep, and you wake up just as soon, only without the fun dreams. Instead of the sun or the clear blue sky above, they awoke to a wooden ceiling and a carpet instead of grass. Apple Bloom groaned as she leaned upward, her two friends stirring beside her.

“What…happened?” she asked aloud.

“Ah could ask y’all the same thing,” said a familiar voice.

The fillies shot up at the tone of voice that haunted their minds since a long while ago. The three of them turned to find Big Macintosh seated on the living room couch, a slice of pie in one hoof and another on a nearby plate. The crumbs indicated a third one was missing.

“Mr. Macintosh!” Scootaloo fumbled to get back onto her hooves, “Wha…how, what happened?”

The stallion shrugged and swallowed, “Ah dunno. All Ah know is three unconscious little fillies were loungin’ around in places they shouldn’t be,” he took another bite of his pie and swallowed before continuing, “Care ta explain?”

Apple Bloom suddenly tensed up, “Wh-What? Ah have no idea what yer talkin’ about!” she said with a scrunched up lip.

“We were just spying on you for no specific reason! That’s all!” Sweetie Belle tried to cover up as much as possible, to the dismay of Scootaloo and Apple Bloom.

“You sure now?” he said before finishing the pie, “Y’all sure picked an all too familiar time to be spyin’ on me.”

“H-Hey! Cheerilee came by without us knowing!” Scootaloo defended.

“Ah didn’t mention Cheerilee,” he swallowed. The fillies froze, “Ah was just choppin’ down trees.”

The girls were sweating fiercely from their foreheads, “We were just…watchin’ you work. We’ve never seen you do work like that before…” Apple Bloom defended.

“Y-Yeah. Bustin’ up a tree like that,” Scootaloo followed along, “No wonder,” and then euphoria struck, “No wonder Rainbow Dash is dating you!”

“Pardon?” Mac said before he could bite into his next slice.

“Oh yeah! We heard about the news, brother!” Apple Bloom spoke up, “Ah never thought you and Rainbow Dash would be goin’ out!”

Mac knew they were just trying to change the subject, but he didn’t see any harm in toying with them for a bit, “What’s that supposed to mean? Ah’m not Rainbow Dash material?”

“Are you kidding?!” Scootaloo intervened before Apple Bloom could respond, “You annili…annalit…annaltiated…”

Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes, “Annihilated.”

“Yeah, that!” she continued, “You annalitated those trees! If Rainbow Dash would be dating anypony, it’d be you!”

Macintosh received complements all the time from mares, but hearing it from a filly brought out the bashful in him, “Well, I dunno. She could do better…”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, now don’t you go an’ start doubtin’ yourself there,” Apple Bloom said as she walked up to her older brother, “You’re one of the strongest, kindest, smartest ponies Ah know. And Rainbow Dash is the luckiest mare in all of Equestria to have a pony like you. And she ain’t no ordinary pony either!”

Scootaloo continued for Apple Bloom, having her own field of expertise with her idol, “Yeah! She’s the bravest, fastest, most loyalest of ponies! There’s so many things and tricks she can do that nopony else can, and she does all of it to help her friends. And if she’d pick a pony like you, you better understand that it’s not for nothing!”

“What they mean is,” Sweetie Belle decided to speak up, “You two have such a special bond together not just because of how unique you both are, but what you see in each other. If she can look past your outer shell and see what’s in your heart, and if you can see past her brash exterior and see what she’s really made of, then the two of you make a perfect and understanding couple. That’s what you two have, and that’s what makes the both of you special to each other.”

All three ponies stared at Sweetie Belle, unable to comprehend that such wise words came out of the little filly’s mouth. Understandably, the filly was confused as to why she was getting this kind of attention.

“…what?”

“W-Well then…” Mac started, but decided to stuff the rest of the pie into his mouth. He chewed over his thoughts for a bit while the three girls took a step back to give him his thinking space. Finally, he swallowed, “Well, thank y’all for the reassurance. Ah’d have expected you three to bug me endlessly with questions and such.”

“Actually-” Scootaloo started before Apple Bloom shoved a hoof in her mouth.

“Regardless, Ah’m very thankful the three of you are understandin’ of me an’ Rainbow Dash,” he got up from his seat, “It don’t sound like the town agrees, though.”

“What?” Apple Bloom asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Dunno. Rainbow Dash mentioned some mess in town earlier,” he said as he made his way to the door, “Can y’all do me a favor? Go an’ find Rainbow Dash an’ see if everythin’s alright?”

“Oh! Of course!” Sweetie Belle said instantly with a salute, “Anything else you want us to tell her?”

“Yeah. That Ah’m still waitin’,” he said before exiting the door, “She’ll know what it means. Ah gotta get back to work.”

“You can count on us!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed, even though it wasn’t certain Big Macintosh heard them. As he left, the other two cutie mark crusaders turned to her.

“Wow, Sweetie Belle. We didn’t know you were such a softie for romantic things,” Scootaloo said.

The unicorn shrugged, “Hehe, some of Rarity’s stories can be good sometimes.”

“All the more reason we need to preserve their relationship!” Apple Bloom said with a triumphant stance, “Let’s go find Rainbow Dash an’ warn her that her relationship’s in danger!”

“I wanna see Rainbow Dash teach Cheerilee a lesson or two!” Scootaloo said with a raised hoof, “Actually, I’d love to see Rainbow Dash teach any pony a lesson. Or even me!”

“You’re weird, Scoots,” Sweetie Belle remarked, but then raised her hoof too, “But let’s do it! This bond between Macintosh and Dash is too sacred for us not to save it!”

The three fillies clapped their hooves in the air.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders ‘Ship Rescuers, yay!”

---
It's like they exist only to cause trouble...
---

*knock knock knock*

Fluttershy was nervous, and for a very good reason. She had spent the entire walk towards the pegasus’ house collecting her thoughts and thinking up how to confess her feelings to Rainbow Dash. For one, she was a childhood friend, since Flight School. She’d defend her when she’d embarrass herself trying to fly, or take back her lunch money from the school bullies. Ever since then, she had feelings for the girl and was too afraid to confront them, until recent developments had occurred.

She was too slow. And now Rainbow Dash was dating another pony, Big Macintosh. How could she ever compete with that?

Well, thanks to Angel, she was persuaded to go to Rainbow Dash and tell her her feelings, not in the hopes that she’d return them, but that she’d have closure. And as much as she’d like the fantasy of being in a polygamous relationship with the two of them, she knew Rainbow Dash wouldn’t go for it. She wasn’t the Element of Loyalty for no reason.

Finding that she wasn’t answering the door, Fluttershy knocked again. A little harder, and the door gave way a little, revealing that the pegasus had left it unlocked.

Worry filling the pegasus, she called out into the house, “R-Rainbow Dash?”

As she opened the door more, she noticed a green bowl slowly coming towards her. There was a propeller tied to it and a bean stalk poked out, wearing aviator goggles. She, of course, remembered the tortoise dearly.

“Tank!” she said as she fluttered towards the still crawling pet, “Oh, you’re here. Have you been alone all by yourself?”

Tank looked up to Fluttershy. He blinked slowly, but it was hard to tell through his foggy lens.

“Oh dear, you’re blind. Lemme get that for you,” she said as she removed his goggles, gave them a quick cleansing, and put them back onto his head, lens above his face as he was not flying yet.

Tank stared at Fluttershy for a moment.

“You’re welcome,” Fluttershy replied, “Do you know where Rainbow Dash went?”

Tank stared again.

“O-Oh, uh, well,” Fluttershy said as she bashfully kicked her hooves, “See, I need to tell her something important. And, really soon. …it’s more for me than it is for her.”

Tank blinked slowly.

“N-no. I’ve been making my own assertive lessons and I’ve been practicing in a mirror for the past week,” Fluttershy responded, “I figure if I practice by myself, I wouldn’t have another bad moment.”

Tank stared once more.

“W-well, of course Angel helps. And I reward him with some food for his efforts. I actually seem to reward him all the time,” she responded.

And then Tank continued to stare.

“No! Don’t spoil it!” she interrupted, “I haven’t seen today’s episode yet. I was gonna go to Twilight’s tomorrow and ask her if we could watch it. I mean, ever since she time traveled, she’s been really into that British doctor show.”

And then Tank resumed staring.

“No, I haven’t heard. I’m usually out of the loop of celebrity gossip,” Fluttershy said.

Tank stared a little more positively.

“You think so? You think I can do a Fleur De Lis?” she said as she shyly brushed her mane, “I mean, it wouldn’t be the same without the horn…”

Tank then stared negatively.

“N-No, I know my own body shape,” Fluttershy said as she looked over herself, “I mean, I don’t work out or diet. Rarity tells me it’s my charm.”

Tank’s stare resumed it’s indiscernible look.

Fluttershy sighed, “I hardly believe William Hayspear had the future in mind when he made those. I mean, after all, he just wanted to tell us all an amusing story and we all remember him by such things. I think that’s what makes him so memorable, as he was a pony who is remembered for doing what he loved, not to make an impact.”

Tank’s stare did not change.

“Oh. You’re right. What were we talking about?” she asked aloud as she looked around.

Tank blinked slowly as Fluttershy scanned the living room for a sleeping Rainbow Dash or some indication that she was home.

“What?” Fluttershy snapped out of her gaze, “She left this morning and hasn’t returned? Well, where could she be?”

Tank blinked very slowly.

“Are you saying that she went to Sweet Apple Acres so that she could tell Applejack about the news, and that there is a large possibility that she’d have disapproved? And that she still had weather duties so she had to go to town to check on them? And that Applejack would likely pass on the news to her friends who would then pass it on to the others and the information would circle around as misperceived news and cause confusion among the town? And that a few mares would most likely be jealous of the two and start to plan against them? And that Rainbow Dash might be getting involved in some suspicious activity that she is not aware of because she can be very unperceptive because who are we kidding? And so there is the very likely scenario that all the buildup of plotting and misspoken information will come crashing down on them in a very grand and chaotic scenario if nopony intervenes?”

Tank finished blinking.

“I have to go to Sweet Apple Acres!” Fluttershy said as she hopped towards the door, “But wait. What do I tell her first? The warning or my feelings?”

Fluttershy began to pace as Tank slowly made his way to her.

“Okay, first, prioritize,” she started, “Your best friend slash secret crush is in danger of falling victim to things being blown out of proportion. That happens a lot. And because of it, you have to tell her the danger and get her out of Ponyville as soon as you can. What happens next?” she stopped, “Well, I suppose you could just, let it out naturally. Like taking a bath…”

Tank finished his step.

Fluttershy blushed in response, “N-No Tank, not like that! I mean, let the good feelings flow through you and-”

Tank stared in response.

“…please don’t tell Rainbow Dash.”

Tank continued to stare.

“…ok, yes. I do it in the tub. And the shower too.”

Tank finished staring.

“No, they’re not the same thing,” she responded, “Sigh. Thanks for your help anyway, Tank.”

Tank stared as she fluttered out the window. He blinked.

“I heard that!”

---
Tank is such a wisecracker for a turtle, I mean, tortoise
---

“Isn’t my normal mane style good enough?” she complained.

“Oh hush now, Rainbow. I hardly ever get this close to you with a comb and can of hairspray,” Rarity retorted, “I want to see you in different kind of hairstyles for future reference. It’s for your own good.”

Ever since they got to the boutique, the first thing Rarity did was flush out Rainbow Dash’s hair. At first, she had expected grease and dirt to be hidden and locked within her scalp, but as she brushed, she found that it was silky and smooth and plush as clouds themselves. It was easy to fold and tie compare to her own stubbornly long mane; it almost made her jealous. How she was able to maintain a pure spectrum pattern without strands mixing was beyond her.

“Why would I ever change my mane style?” Rainbow Dash asked as Rarity undid a roller.

“For important events that even you would want to look nice for,” Rarity answered, “Things like fancy parties, dances,” Rainbow Dash gagged, she ignored it, “Your own wedding…”

“W-Wedding?” that one caught her off guard.

“Why, you are going to be marrying Big Macintosh soon, aren’t you?” she questioned as she double checked a color.

“W-well, not saying that I wouldn’t. It’s just…” she couldn’t explain why, exactly. The reason was lost to her. Why wouldn’t she marry Big Macintosh? What was the harm?

“Ahh, I see,” Rarity spoke for her, “You’re still busy with your dreams, aren’t you? Trying out for the Wonderbolts and whatnot?”

“O-oh yeah! That. Of course I can’t marry him right away,” she said, embarrassed with herself. How could she forget such an important dream? She felt so silly.

“Well, don’t you worry,” the unicorn comforted, “Big Macintosh is a gentlecolt. He isn’t going anywhere and he’ll wait for you for as long as you need to get into the Wonderbolts.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, “I mean, I don’t doubt him or anything, but he’s been around…”

“Oh, don’t say that, Rainbow Dash,” she assured, “If Mac does anything less than loyal, then that’s his fault, not yours. I don’t see him as the two timing type, anyway.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” she relaxed, “I mean, he wouldn’t dare go behind my back after all he’s said and done.”

“That’s the spirit,” she said as she turned the pegasus around, “Now, wouldn’t you like to get married looking like this?”

Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but gasp at herself in the mirror. Her colors in her mane were separated into their own bangs, curling at the end. The back of her mane also had similar work done, only it was curled in one direction whereas the bangs at the front were curled in different directions. Her coat was noticeably shinier than she remembered it being; it must’ve been that facial mask she applied earlier. That’s how she was able to see a faint blush on her cheeks. Pressing a hoof to her face, it wasn’t from the heat, she found. It might’ve been from that powder Rarity had applied before.

For a normal day, this look wouldn’t be acceptable, or even practical, to her. But otherwise, it was the perfect look for her to walk down the aisle, under a veil, with all of her friends around her and the stallion of her dreams waiting for her at the end. Such a fantasy brought a giggle to the pegasus.

“I…I don’t know what to say…” she said, stunned.

“You can say, thank you Rarity,” the unicorn teased.

“Yeah, that,” she poked one of her bangs, “I’d never be able to do this by myself.”

“It was hard enough for me,” Rarity commented, “Splitting each color and arranging them into the curler. Oh, it’d be such a chore to do everyday. And yet, your mane remains kempt and orderly. How do you do it?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged her wings as she smoothed over her hair, “I don’t do anything special to it. I just let the wind do the brushing, and I run it under hot water every day.”

“Oh, I am so jealous,” the unicorn replied, running a hoof over her own mane, “I succumb my mane to hairspray and ironing every day to keep its look. Yet you hardly do anything to give it an identity.”

The pegasus shrugged again, “I just have more important things to do, I guess.”

“Fair enough. So, what do you think?” Rarity said with an earnest smile.

Rainbow Dash gave a bashful shrug, “It’s definitely a timesaver, I can say that much. And I work the rainbow thing really well. Not like anypony else can, but-”

“I meant, your hair,” the unicorn interrupted, then pointed back to the mirror as she stood behind the pegasus, “Is this not the pony that wants to be married someday?”

“Oh. Oh yeah. I’m totally doing this,” she replied, flicking one of the bangs haughtily, “Oh, and if anypony else finds out about this, I’ll kill you.”

“And I’ll deserve it,” the unicorn replied as she pushed her off the chair, “Now come on. We gotta get you washed up too.”

“But, we’re just going to wash this look away?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“What? You want to go outside looking like that?” Rarity asked.

“Good point.”

“And we’re not just washing out your mane,” she stated, “We’re gonna give your entire coat a scrubbing down.”

“Wait, we?” she responded, confused.

“Now Rainbow Dash, it’s alright. It’s just two friends sharing a bath together,” Rarity stated as if it was a normal thing, “I mean, after all. We don’t wear clothes or anything. And, to be honest, I can’t trust you well enough to do a good job of cleaning yourself.”

“Wha, what do you take me for? Lazy?” Rainbow Dash retorted.

“In terms of hygiene, yes,” Rarity answered.

“What’s hygiene?” the pegasus asked curiously.

“I’ll answer your question with a question of my own,” she had stopped pushing so she could look her in the eyes, “Did you brush your teeth this morning?”

Rainbow Dash blinked for a second, “Wait. You’re supposed to do it in the morning too?”

The sound of a hoof hitting its owner’s face was heard in the store.

“Ok, so I don’t clean myself too well. Does it matter?” she shot.

“To you, maybe,” Rarity replied as she kept pushing, “But I cannot excuse it when you have such an important party to attend to later on today.”

The pegasus sighed in defeat, “Fine. Whatever. But I’m doing my underside with my own hoof, got it?”

“Of course,” Rarity agreed, “It’s not like you actually like that kind of stuff.”

“Wait, what?”

“NOTHING!” the unicorn suddenly shouted, as they entered the bathroom, “I mean, I can respect that you do not like being washed by other ponies, but I assure you, my delicate hoof will not cross any boundaries on your body as a respect to your wishes.”

Rainbow Dash let out a groan, “You’re lucky I’m only letting you do this for Mac’s sake,” and then a thought crossed her mind, “Wait, hoof?”

Meanwhile, outside of the Carousel Boutique, two ponies had just approached the front door. One of them was Berry Punch, her face a littler redder than usual. The other was Flitter, who seemed to be trying her best to keep her distance from the odd smelling mare.

“This is where Twilight said the haughty unicorn lives,” Flitter noted, “I wonder if Rainbow Dash is still here.”

“Well? Let’s get knockin’,” Berry Punch dizzily commented as she reached for the door.

Flitter stopped her though, “No. Not yet.”

“Huh? Why not?” she asked, turning to the two mares.

“My pink bow tells me something’s up,” Flitter said as she looked over the building, “…and that something sexy is happening.”

“Really? My pink bow always tells me I’m thirsty,” Berry Punch said, straightening herself up after almost losing her balance, “…wait, I don’t have a pink bow. Maybe I’m thinking of something else pink.”

“Shh. Do you hear that?” Flitter said.

Other than the distant chatter of town and birds chirping, the sound of running pipes were apparent as they listened to their surroundings. It sounded like somepony was having a shower. Rarity would never take a shower if somepony else was at her store. So either Rainbow Dash left or…

A perverted giggle escaped her lips.

“Stay here, Berry. And be quiet,” Flitter said as she floated towards the second floor windows.

“Berry quiet?” the delusional pony asked.

Flitter looked back and gave her a displeased look.

“Oh, okay,” she said as she stood there, leaning a bit to the right.

Back in the store, the two ponies had just rinsed their manes of shampoo and were letting the water run.

“I’ve been curious, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity spoke up as she levitated a bottle of conditioner to them, “But why are you so into Big Macintosh anyway? I would never have guessed he’d be the pony of your dreams, and that’s saying something.”

Rainbow Dash sighed, though not from the question but from the copious amount of conditioner the unicorn was applying to her head, “It’s because he’s strong and nice. You hardly see that in a stallion anymore.”

“Oh come now, Rainbow Dash. I know your standards aren’t that typical,” Rarity said as she worked her hooves in the pegasus’ mane, “To be honest, I’d have expected you to have a one night stand with him.”

“Funny story, actually,” Rainbow Dash said as Rarity slowed down, eager to hear, “See, I always see him at the farm whenever I’m visiting AJ. She usually has something energy consuming for me to do.”

“I see,” Rarity said, “And that’s the only reason you go to see her, not for other things, especially not what others might think.”

“Yeahhh,” she said awkwardly, but continued, “Anyway, so I decided to try talking to him one day because I thought he looked tough enough to keep up with me. I’ve dated pegasus stallions before, and none of them have ever lasted long.”

“So you sought a ‘new flavor’, so to speak?” Rarity asked. She could sympathize with the pegasus right now.

“Heheh, yeah. At first, he was nice. He didn’t like talking a lot, so I just did a lot of talking for him,” she chuckled at this, “Then I started worrying if I was annoying him too much. I thought it was like how Pinkie Pie felt when she talked too much, except I doubt it crosses her mind.”

“She’d be surprised,” the unicorn muttered in a vengeful breath.

Unbeknownst to them, a shadow loomed outside the window. Whatever it could have seen behind the shower curtains, it didn’t hear much over the running water.

“Anyway, he actually thought I was entertaining,” she beamed, “I mean, I know I’m awesome and all, but he actually thought I was awesome by myself. I didn’t have to show him any tricks or anything for him to like me.”

“Oh? And this was revelational to you?” the unicorn asked.

“Well, yeah. Ponies only notice me for something amazing I did, or when I crash,” she mumbled the last part with a tone of embarrassment, “But he thought I was an amazing pony already. Probably because he heard of my achievements, but it was never brought up back then.”

Rarity took a moment to tilt Rainbow Dash’s head under the stream of hot water to wash out the conditioner. Afterwards, she got her special soap and began to rub it vigorously into the coat on her back.

“So, have you two been dating since then?” Rarity asked.

“Nah, it wasn’t anything official yet,” Rainbow Dash said, thinking back to the good old times. It was fun reliving the memory of her feelings, from the excitement she got from seeing him, to the realization that she was in love, “We just hung out a lot. We didn’t know what to call it back then.”

“Ohh, it sounds like such a romantic story,” the unicorn said out of envy, “How come I can’t find myself such a sweet and caring stallion? I’d love to meet a pony like him, engage him in endearing conversation, entertain the thought that he might be the one as we go on with our lives, getting used to one another before unable to live without each other.”

“Sheesh, you’re so sappy,” Rainbow Dash jabbed, snapping Rarity out of her fantasy, “Maybe the reason it hasn’t happened yet is because you keep expecting it to. I mean, I certainly didn’t.”

“…well, now that you mention it, that’d explain how Blueblood was such a disaster,” the unicorn said with an irritated tone as she began to rub harder into her coat.

Back outside the Carousel Boutique, Berry Punch had fallen asleep, standing up and leaning to the right, her knees were locked so that she wouldn’t fall over. Flitter had yet to return, so she decided to close her eyes for a bit, only to doze off. However, she wasn’t alone.

“Uhh, are you okay?” a concerned voice asked as she was poked by a claw.

And like that, Berry Punch awoke.

“AHHH! THE FISH TANK WAS LIKE THAT WHEN I GOT HERE!”

“Did you hear that?” Rainbow Dash suddenly spoke up, “Sounds like somepony’s pleading not guilty.”

“Really?” Rarity took a moment to look outside the curtain, only to find nothing out of the ordinary that she could observe beyond the window, “How can you tell?”

“Pegasi can hear just about anything in loud noise,” Rainbow Dash said smugly as she pointed to her ears, “But that’s when they’re flying. This is a shower, so maybe I’m just hearing things.”

Berry Punch calmed down enough to realize she wasn’t in Cheerilee’s house. She looked around, trying to remember what she was doing here, when she was poked again.

“Umm, are you okay miss…?” the dragon asked.

The pony turned to the baby dragon, somewhat confused, “Huh? Oh, I must still be dreaming. Hah, there’s a little dragon talking to me.”

“No, it’s me, Spike,” he explained, “You saw me at the library, remember?”

“Nope, don’t remember,” Berry Punch said as she casually shook her head, then looked up, “Oh look, flying ponies.”

True to her word, there really was a flying, and angry, pegasus floating towards the two.

“What the hell was that!? I thought I told you to be quiet!” Flitter nearly shouted at them.

“Whoa, you ain’t exactly being quiet either,” Berry Punch retorted.

Flitter placed a hoof on her face, “Whatever. You wouldn’t believe what I saw in there!”

“Wait, were you spying on Rarity?” Spike said accusingly of the pegasus.

“And…who are you again?” Flitter shot back.

The dragon sighed and repeated, “I’m Spike, Twilight’s assistant? I work at the town library?”

“Never been there!” Berry Punch said jovially.

Flitter raised a brow at her, “Whoa Berry, are you feeling alright?”

“Nope, I feel like an earth pony,” she replied, tilting her head and smiling widely.

“…I think I liked you better when you were drunk,” Flitter uttered, “We have to go back to Twilight. This proves my theory!”

“Wait, what theory?” Spike asked. Unfortunately, it sparked a different thought in the pegasus.

“That’s right! I need some concrete evidence!” she rubbed her hooves maliciously, “And I think I know just the pony to do it.”

“But where are we going to get forty bags of concrete, Flitter?” Berry Punch asked.

The pony and the dragon stared at her.

“Just come with me, Berry,” Flitter said annoyingly, leaving a confused Spike by himself.

“Hmm, those ponies were doing some suspicious things,” the dragon said as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully, “It might get dangerous for Rarity,” and then, a brilliant idea came to mind, “this could be my big break! I’ll protect Rarity from any evil plan those ponies have in mind. You have nothing to fear, Rarity!”

“Spike? Why are you shouting?” came a voice from the second floor window.

The dragon nearly fumbled in place when he realized he may have made a fool of himself in front of his crush. Again. He turned to the unicorn, not noticing she had taken a shower, and turned bashful.

“Uhh, just…thinking, out loud,” he answered.

“You…shout when you think?” she asked.

“…sometimes. Can I come in?” he asked.

“Well of course!” she obliged happily, “And while you’re in there, could you whip up some tea for us? Bags are in the pantry.”

“You can count on me!” Spike saluted proudly as the unicorn retreated to the bathroom. Rarity wanted to have tea, with him.

He knew that this was going to be a good thing.

---
And nothing sexual happened