//------------------------------// // 1. I'm not welcome here, aren't I? // Story: Outsiders // by JeSuisLaPorte //------------------------------// Okay so... I've been thrown in for one helluva loop.    One minute, I’m standing before this sketchy looking guy and the next, I’m in a forest... uh, feeling strangely naked?!  I don’t know how that even happened, that guy must have drugged me or something but to wake up in a forest? That’s not usually how kidnapping or muggings or, other kind of crimes go! The forest was strange too, I gotta say. Really colorful grass despite the fact we’re in autumn, a perfectly clear sky which went against the weather forecast and no crickets though I suppose that last one is a relief. Less sound to pester me while I’m gathering my thoughts.  Okay so... I’m naked in a forest, lying on my side staring at the blue sky. There’s a river nearby, which is good. I’m no survival expert, but anybody can tell you that following a river is a good idea. Where there is water, there are people.  Sounds easy, just follow the river, find civilisation and get the hell back home. Easy peasy lemon squeezy, but... there is a catch. Oh, there’s always one waiting to kick you in the ass. I found that the moment I tried to stand up. My arms couldn’t move and bend the way I wanted them to. They were restrained, not by ropes, but by physiology.  Now hear me out. I know what I’m about to say sounds like I’m delirious, but I assure you; I’m perfectly sound of mind, I-I think. I raised my arm and saw that it was covered in fur. And my supposed hand that would help me get back on my feet was. A. Hoof.  A... hoof.  You could probably imagine the shock I felt at that moment. It was like a heart attack and a panic attack jumped me at the same time. Thankfully I didn’t die of shock at that moment, but it did freeze my brain for a few dozen minutes.  I touched the grass, rubbed my face with my new, downgraded hand and sure enough; I wasn’t dreaming nor was I stoned. I was wide awake, thinking clearly, only I had a furry hoof for an arm.  And then I looked at the rest of my body. All four of my limbs, hooves. I screamed for what felt like hours as I rolled around like a sausage, struggling to stand up. My body was different too might I add, and so was my face. My mouth felt long and weird and that was scaring me too.   I crawled not so graciously to the nearest river and took a good look at the water. My reflection was the last thing I ever thought I’d see. Instead of seeing the normal, and handsome, face of me, a human, I saw a horse. A horse with hilariously big eyes and a stupid ass messy haircut. I wasn’t a normal horse, no, tell me you’ve ever seen a horse with a light green coat, and with a black mane too, and blue eyes. And what’s with the wings?  I had wings, so that meant I was actually a pegasus then. I couldn’t figure out how to move them which could only mean one thing. The only possible explanation was that somebody was messing with me. Yes! I am still in there, inside this body. I can bend my arm in a way that no normal horse could. I can raise my hoof and touch my chin with it. Horse legs don’t bend that way, I think. I dunno, I’m no horse expert. I’ve never been around one for more than a minute anyway.  That must be like this, uh, bizarre and disgusting horror movie I saw many years ago, about a guy being kidnapped and going through a horrific experiment to be turned into a walrus, only he’s like grafted to a makeshift walrus body. Maybe that’s what happened to me.  Hold on. If that was the case, then... that would mean... someone’s gonna come out of the woods and ride me?!  No, that didn’t happen. For some reason my body was grafted onto a cartoonesque pegasus costume and dumped in the woods without my phone. I honestly expected somebody to come out and laugh at my situation. This can’t be some kind of sick joke. Then again, I’m in the dark here.  Huh, weird. Despite being on all four like a horse, my body does not feel uncomfortable. My back isn’t strained, my arms can touch the floor on an even level with my legs. Hell, I even have some degree of control over my tail! Whoever put me in that suit must have been rich, or a very good engineer.  I know sick people can be really good at what they’re doing, but instead of using their skills for society, they use it to mess with good natured people who are contributing to society.  I shall resume my train of thoughts now that I have more eloquently explained to you my situation. You should be thankful, ‘cause otherwise you would have spent a few good minutes hearing incoherent screaming and messy thoughts.  Anyway, first things first, I gotta get out of that body. I’ve rationalised the situation, have no more reason to freak out, so now I can work towards finding a solution with a clear mind. I need a knife, something sharp to cut that fake fur off me. Then I can regain control of my arms and seek other people to return home.  There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere as far as I’m concerned.  Hmm... maybe I can figure out where I am based on what that weirdo said? Give me a moment to remember, exactly, what... happened.      Okay, so it started when I was walking down the streets to return home from work. I work at...  Um, nevermind. My mind must still be hazy, it’ll come back in time. As I was saying, I returned home from work when suddenly in an alleyway, there was a guy. I don’t know what his deal was, but he looked sketchy. Like really, really sketchy. He wore a bandana over his mouth, had this dark cowl, pretty much dressed in all black. He looked old too. It took me a solid minute, but I recognised that this guy was literally cosplaying as the merchant from Resident Evil 4.  Why wasn’t he at a comic con or whatever, I don’t know. All I remembered was that he greeted me the moment our eyes met. He even nailed the voice. A top tier cosplayer, which only made it weirder that he stopped me to show his wares.  I flinched when he opened his coat. Thought he was gonna flash me at first, but no, he was just showing me his wares. Instead of the fake guns and ammunition you’d expect from the character, he had other kind of merchandise...  I don’t remember most of it, t’was dark, and it overall looked kind of alien to me. Tons of Inspector Gadget levels of weird with his stuff. Even when he explained them to me I still didn’t understand.  Oh, speaking of his voice, he also had the whole “what’re ya buyin’, stranger?” vibe nailed down. Every. Single. Thing, he said to me was a direct quote from the game. I know, I played it a long time ago but I vividly remember this charming merchant. I was pretty thrilled to meet a cosplayer so determined to the bit. I chose to play along, thinking I would just be buying something useless just for fun.  One of the things he had was a card, looked like the cheapest thing he could sell. So, I asked him in all my charm. “What’s that?”  He laughed and pulled it out. “Got some rare things on sale, stranger! This card is an all-powerful ticket to a magical world of dragons and unicorns where the magic of friendship is key to greatness!”  I laughed. It was pretty funny to hear the Resident Evil Merchant say something so cheesy. “That’s cool, but what does it actually do? Is it like a gift card or just an invitation to a convention or something.” I asked him.  He simply chuckled and brought it closer to my face so that I’d read what’s on it. “Close, stranger. It IS an invitation, but to a place you need not to know its location. Simply read the instructions and close your eye... stranger.”    ...    What does that even mean?!  Was he for real?! Nah, he made that shit up on the spot. No way in hell a card transported me here. He was messing with me!  Oh shit, I’m freaking out! Now’s not the time to lose my goddamn marbles!    This isn’t helping... R-Right, I should continue my narration, calm and professional. You need to understand me after all.    I read the instructions, wondering what the hell he was talking about. No, wait, I paid him five bucks first, which was a stupid idea (who pays five bucks to read a card?), and then I read it. I then closed my eyes and oh, what do you know, I wake up in a forest, naked, as a horse. A bizarre messed up looking horse.      Well that’s just great, none of what he said was actually useful. A magical world of dragons and unicorns? Tss, should have known better than to trust the merchant from RE 4...  Okay, the plan... what was it again? Oh right, follow the river, find civilisation, get out of this ridiculous costume and get back home.  Oh, and I should jog my memory a bit. If they drugged me, I might forget some things. Okay, my name is Daniel Brooks. I’m a 27-year-old man. I work at... oh shit, I am forgetting some important things. Anyway, I just know thanks to that strange motif on my butt (flank?) that I must be a writer. Apparently not a liked one. That sucks.  Woah! Something just growled in that forest. I think it’s a wolf, I don’t know. Again, I’m no animal expert, but whatever that creature...  Why am I standing still? I should get going already. There’s a predator on the prowl!  So I followed the river, but not too closely. I keep on tripping, which is a given, I’m not used to being quadrupedal. Progress is slow and steady, but it’ll make me win the race eventually. Gah! This was too corny! Learning to walk on all four isn’t as easy as you’d think. It’s like having to rewire your entire brain, throw out everything you’ve learned previously.    I must start with slow, deliberate steps. One at a time, learn to move on this new body. I can only hope that whatever was in that forest won’t take an interest in me. Then again, if it could tear me out of that suit. Ugh, this is long and boring! Can’t I have at least something to do or someone to talk to in the meantime?    ... nobody? Okay then, guess I’ll just make up imaginary friends to keep me company.     Look guys! Daniel’s finally gone outside to touch some grass!    How are you going to scratch your ass now? Your hoof can’t reach your butt!    Look at tiny baby man trying to be a horse!    Why are my own imaginary friends mocking me? I suppose that trick only really works when you’re in a good mood, something I’m afraid won’t come to me any time soon.  I walked at a snail's pace for hours judging by the sun’s position. I scaled up hills and climbed over the occasional rocky blockade (gosh that one sucked). The sun was overhead when I first woke up. Now, it’s slowly fading in the distance. That’s bad. If I can’t find anybody before it gets dark, I might have to sleep in the wilderness, and not even with the comfort of my actual body! I can’t pick up things with these hooves, how am I supposed to start a fire?   Fires keep monsters at bay, maybe I should practice making one before sunset. No, I think I’ll just take my chance and keep moving. I’m getting faster, more used to the movement of this strange suit but the more accustomed I become, the closer the sun is to leaving me in the dark.  My body was starting to ache from all this physical activity.  But that’s on me, it was a sign I should have gone outside more often when I was still in the big city. I guess now’s a good time to start shaping up.  I was very thirsty at that point, so I took a short break to drink. It was a very awkward drink let me tell you. I had to methodically bend my arms forward, carefully place my legs so I wouldn’t fall in the river, but it just looked like I was sticking my butt out, wagging my little tail like a puppy. I was glad nobody was there to notice me, ‘cause the shame would have probably killed me in an instant if they saw my groin sticking out like that.  I tried to bend my legs so that I could be in a more relaxed position. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite used to the way this suit bent so I just tripped and landed crotch first. Oh dear, the pain. I think I busted my nuts on a rock. For some reason, the pain was transmitted to the exterior of the suit as if my own groin was sticking out of it!  At that point my wings finally moved. They just sort of dropped and flopped on the floor like a helpless chicken. I felt the suit’s inner mechanism poke against my side with every movement these wings made. God, it was uncomfortable. I had to replace them in their dormant state with my hooves. Took me a few minutes to get the mechanism to function properly. Then I got back to drinking. Probably the best sensation I’ve had since I woke up.  Ah... I needed that.   Before I resumed my journey, I decided to take a closer look at that suit using my reflection on the water. I had a styled mane, a rather spiky looking tail and... is that a drawing on my flank? I think that’s a crummy paper with a pen next to it. There are also gold coins around that paper...  Is my flank calling me a hack writer? The audacity of this bitch! I’ll show him I’m not all bark and no bite.  Thankfully, my troubles were soon going to end. I saw a building in the distance. The closer I got to it, the more appeared. I found a town! Or so it seemed...  The buildings I saw were unlike anything I ever saw before. They had a sort of archaic architecture? Strange geometry too. Some buildings had connecting bridges to one another. They couldn’t be houses, right? I sure wouldn’t wanna live this close to my neighbors.  Oh hey! I finally found someone. And the weirdest part, they were a horse too, like me! That’s great, well not really for us (we’re still stuck inside the horse suit), I was just relieved to find someone in the same predicament as me. It was a mare, so most likely a woman inside that suit. She must have encountered that stupid merchant cosplayer...  The closer I got to her, the more I realised I was small. I never put much thought into it, but these trees seemed way bigger than usual. I suppose it’s mainly because I’m on all four... Wait, does that mean I should be closer to a pony than a horse? Shit... I’ve been turned into a pony? That’s too small, it can contain my massive girth o-or... m-muscles.  Ugh, getting tired. My mind’s saying dumb things. I-I guess I’ll call this a pony suit from now on.  Anyway, I approached the mare. She was lying against a tree, playing a lyra... with her hooves? How was she doing that? She had a horn too; it was glowing somehow. Must have some lights integrated in that suit. Her hooves only really held the thing, so I don’t know how the instrument was playing by itself. Maybe she was a hack just like me.  Hey, she also had a lyra motif on her flank. Maybe they were branding us based on our talents (or lack thereof)?  Well, it didn’t matter in the end. I was exhausted, tired of walking for hours on end. I just wanted a place to sleep. I found somebody else in the same predicament as me, they can surely help me.  “Hey, you got a place to sleep? I’m tired...”  The mare flinched, nearly snapping one of the lyra’s chords. In fact, she jumped on all four, staring at me as if I was danger. “Uh... who are you?”  “M-Me? W-Well same thing as you. Saw a stupid... merchant and I, bought his shit... Never trust cosplayers, ‘kay?” Not so gracious, I was out of breath from this journey. I don’t really remember what happened afterward. I just sorta... crumbled before her and passed out.    When I woke up, I was no longer laying on the grass. Instead, I found myself on a comfy couch inside a house that looked nothing like the homes in my country. I couldn’t pinpoint where I was based on this architecture. It was vivid and colorful, simple yet pretty. Oh, and let’s not forget the two mares talking in front of me.  Two? There are more of us? So many people taken to this strange location. Or what if...  Nah, couldn’t be. The magical world, real? That’s a load of shit. Uh, what are they talking about? I should pay attention.  “And you didn’t think maybe this wasn’t a good idea?” The other mare said. She had a candy motif on her flank, which threw a monkey wrench in my theory. Maybe our talent isn’t what they used to brand us. Either that or this chick really loved candy.  “Why wouldn’t I? I can’t just leave a pony on the ground so close to the Everfree!” The lyra pony responded. It felt nice to have somebody be on my side.  “This could be dangerous! You of all ponies should know. You were there when it happened!”  When what happened? I feel like I’m missing a lot of contexts here. Now I’m just wondering how many people were stuffed in pony suits. Can’t be a whole lot, or else I’d be uncovering a conspiracy. I tend to not believe in ludicrous conspiracies.  You know, stuff like the secret Illuminati a certain German leader escaping his supposed death to start a new oppressive regime, bogus that came from our vivid imagination. Secret organisation hell bent on dominating the world? Pff! Can’t make me believe in that!  The lyra pony argued in my defence once again. “Yeah, well... even if he’s one, he’s alone! We’re not in danger, Bon Bon!”  Bon Bon? What kind of name is that? Is that like a secret codename or have they lost their memories. Probably the latter, I don’t remember what I did for a living, so they most likely forgot their names and made new one based on the motif on their flanks. Certainly, wouldn’t want that to happen to me. Hack Writer would make for a terrible and embarrassing name.  I raised my head, feeling as energetic as a puppy which caught their attention. The two mares were now staring at me tensely like I was a hydrogen bomb about to blow.  Bon Bon hissed, keeping her eyes on me. “Okay then, Lyra. We’ll see for ourselves if he’s dangerous or not.”   Lyra and Bon Bon. I guess I must be lucky to still remember my name!  “Can you tell us your name?” She asked of me.  I struggled to stand up, this body still felt weird on me. That may have been a bad decision. They were staring me down like I was about to pull a knife on them. “Uh, s-sure. I’m Daniel Brooks.”  Apparently, that was the wrong answer. The two mares exchanged uncertain looks, staying silent for an awkwardly long time. What, was I supposed to name myself after my motif? I don’t want that, and I hope they’re not going to impose it on me.  Finally, Lyra voiced her confusion. “I’m sorry to say this, but that’s a weird name.”  What? “You think my name’s weird?” First time that ever happened to me. Never really liked my name, never thought someone else would find it bad.  Bon Bon scratched her mane, her narrow eyes glued to mine. It’s like she was expecting me to make a sudden move or something. She looked really jumpy to me. “It certainly doesn’t sound... ponylike.”  I don’t get it. Why is my name supposed to sound ponylike? Aren’t we all humans... trapped... inside...    ... a costume.    Oh no. Oh nonononono.  This isn’t happening.   I must be dreaming.  I must be in delirium.  Something’s wrong with me.  Must be!  I’m not in a suit, but that doesn’t mean this place’s real.  I’m drugged, somewhere in an alley without any clothes on.  No wait, that’s actually worse!    “Bon Bon... what’s going on with him? What did you say to upset him?”  “I don’t know! I just said his name isn’t ponylike! See? Told you I was right! No true pony would have a nervous breakdown in this situation.”  Okay, okay. Gotta keep it cool. Act like nothing happened. I stood up and emptied my brain. I’m fine, I’m normal like them! If I can prove to them that I’m not an imposter of sorts, they’re not going to attack me and I can get the hell out of here! If I got there, then I can leave and return home. That’s logical! Well, apart from the fact that unicorn magic is a thing.  “Sorry if I scared you. I was just, um, h-having a p-panic attack. It sorta happens when I’m, uh, in a-an unfamiliar place. I’m lost, like really really lost.” I blurted out. It came out terribly, but it was good enough to calm them down. They went from agitated and hostile to mistrustful and somewhat calm. But of course, there had to be another hurdle.  I somehow managed to move my wings, I don’t know how ‘cause I’m not used to having six limbs, but I did. They opened and promptly flopped pathetically on the ground, dangling.  “Huh.” Bon Bon scoffed. “How elegant.”  God damn it! I wanted to hop on a rocket, fly to the moon, curl up in a ball and weep for hours on end. Never before have I looked so utterly pathetic and stupid. “Y-Yeah... elegant.” Why am I repeating her words?  Lyra whispered something in her friend’s ear, keeping her curious eyes on me. That was it, they know I’m not one of them. I don’t even know what I should be dreading more. The fact that all of this madness is real or the fact that they’re about to turn on me.  Oh god, what if they jump me? I’m as defenseless as a baby in this body! I can’t fly away with these wings, much less walk with these awkward pony legs. “I, uh, I-I have a disability.”  Yikes, that sounds really awful to say but, in a way, it’s sorta true.  Bon Bon stared at my pitiful wings for a moment with a suspicious look in her eyes. “I’ve never seen a pegasus your age struggle with their wings that much...” She shrugged and relaxed her gaze. “Then again, I’m no pegasus.”  So, does that mean I’m free to go or?  Lyra rubbed her chin, probably remembering my first words to her. She chuckled. “I guess he’s just weird. By the way, what did you buy?”   “Bought what?” Oh crap! Did I tell her about the merchant? Probably shouldn’t have done that. If they learn he’s human, they’ll associate me with him and I’ll get lynched!  “I dunno, you tell me! You said something about buying from a merchant and being distrustful of cosplayers. Did you go to a Daring Do convention?” Lyra asked, getting a bit too close for comfort. I could tell just from her eyes that she must be a very curious person, er, pony. That’s bad enough when you’re trying to hide a very important fact, so I should find a way to leave as quickly as humanely possible.  Should I just roll with it or... Yeah, let’s do this.  “Um, yeah I did. I-I then lost my way after I realised, I got, uh, scammed and lost all my Daring Do stuff.” Hope that was convincing enough.  Apparently, that wasn’t enough to satiate the mare’s curiosity. Lyra fired multiple questions in rapid succession. I honestly didn’t remember a single one. It just went by too fast. Wasn’t she supposed to be the one on my side? This is starting to feel like an interrogation. “Gné?”  Bon Bon came to the rescue with a light smack across the back of Lyra’s head. “Lyra, that’s enough; you’re bothering him.”  “Sorry. I kinda got carried away.”  Wasn’t expecting her to come to my aid. “So, does that mean I can leave? I want to return home if you don’t mind.”  Bon Bon narrowed her eyes for a bit. Thankfully she came around and gave me the benefit of the doubt. “Yeah, but if you try anything funny out there; I will have a little chat with you.”  “That’s a bit of a problem. I’m a funny person if I do say so.”  “What?”  “N-Nothing.”   You are an idiot, Daniel.