//------------------------------// // I HATE NOISE // Story: LET. ME. SLEEEEEEEP! // by AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH //------------------------------// I was peacefully sleeping in my bed in my modest house Celestia gave me, as well as a small sum of money to survive, when that peaceful peace was interrupted by the most peace shattering noise ever. The sounds of someone singing right out on the street! At the top of their lungs! With everyone else also joining in! I just couldn't take it any more. I leap out of bed the best that my not well rested self could, and threw open the window for all to hear: "SHUT UP! IM TRYING TO SLEEP FOR GOD'S SAKE! IF I HEAR ANY MORE SINGING OUTSIDE THIS WINDOW I SWEAR IM GOING TO GO ON A GENOCIDAL RAMPAGE!" I slam my window shut to sounds of the ponies saying stuff like "We never should've gone near his house." or "We should just avoid this area all together." It seems the other ponies agreed with them as they all go walking away to continue the assault on peoples eardrums. I just can't imagine anyone living in such hellish conditions for there whole life. "Oh! Right! I'm the only person in this Damm country it seems to not like spontaneous singing in the middle of the night." I burst out, going downstairs to make myself breakfast. Because its useless to try to sleep after yelling. "Damm." I say, "Wish that they had some Frosted Mini Wheats here instead of... now what was it again?" I look through my pantry to find it. "Ah! Yes! Little... Pieces... of Wheat... that... are... frosted. Now what kind of stupid fucking name is that? They don't even taste the same!" After forcing down that horrible excuse for cereal, I head out to go shopping. After a quick stop at the local grocery store, the ponies aren't even staring as hard as a few months ago, I buy a news paper and bring it and my stuff back home. "Now," I say while sitting down on the couch, "what's the news today?....... Royal Wedding? There's a royal wedding going on? I never knew that. But it does explain the giant pink fishbowl they put over our head." I look out the window at the shield shining armor set up. "*snort* Probably can't even hold to a 9mm." After my insult to the magical capabilities of Shining Armor, someone knocked on the door. "Now who can that be? Oh, right its the mailman, or mare. Its Tuesday. We get our mail on Tuesday." I get up and open the front door. "Hello! Is this 32 Hoofer Street?" "Yes." I say, pointing at the big 32 above my door, "Isn't it obvious?" "Ok, I have your mail here!" "Thanks." I say, taking the letters and handing her some bits. She flies away, going to deliver more mail, while I look through it. "Alright, what do we have here?" I close the door behind me, "Bill, bill, bill, invitation, bill, bi- wait. Invitation?" I take a look at it again. It seems to be a wedding invitation. "Strange. I don't remember being that close to anyone. Oh! This is for the wedding isn't it?" I say, "Well fuck you... Cadence! I'm not going to any wedding thank you very much! You can enjoy all the cake you want while I'm not there!" I throw the invitation into the trash, plop down on the couch, and start reading a book for the rest of the day while listening to music on my airpods. I had some stuff in my pockets, which was, but not limited to, My phone, my airpods, my wallet, and some random stuff I pick up and steal from people at times. My phone and airpods started charging even though they are not connected to any charging cord. Weird. But I downloaded every song from my playlist so I could listen to music whenever I want. I went to sleep that night in my bed watching YouTube shorts. Which still worked for some unfathomable reason. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Clang* My eyes shot open by the sound of two pieces of metal clashing together, way to early in the morning for me. "Alright. That's it." I mutter, summoning a M16A2 In my hand and the ammo for in in the other. After loading and cocking it, I ran downstairs, throwing my door open. I see ponies and weird bug things roaming the streets, fighting each other. I spray a hail of bullets at both of them, shredding their carapaces and weak, gold, armor to pieces. A column of bug things round the corner, and charge at me. I put a stop to that, materializing an MG42 with the ammo for said MG42. After loading and cocking it, I sent a storm of 7.62 caliber sharp pieces of steel at them, sounding somewhat like this: Even more came around the corner after that, drawn by the noise. "Man, fuck this shit." I throw a grenade at them and sprint around the corner, blasting through everything the bug things and ponies throw at me after realizing I was a threat with 2 hip held MP-5's. Then it seems they team up to fight me because fighting themselves and me will only result in them dieing. Well to bad for them. There was also a tank in there somewhere. Piloted by me of course, not them. 5 hours minuets later I stand in the middle of the burning ruins of Canterlot, admiring all the destruction I have caused, when what sounds like another platoon of soldiers comes running around the corner of the main square. I turn around to face them only to see the element bearers and, surprisingly, Princess Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and a bigger bug thing that looks like its the commander. "SURRENDER!" Celestia shouts, "WE HAVE YOU OUTNUMBERD AND OUT MAGICED 10-1. YOU HAVE NO HOPE OF WINNING!" "NO!" I shout back. "I HAVE BEEN TORTURED BY RANDOM MUSICAL NUMBERS FOR WAY TO LONG! I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP SINCE I GOT HERE!" "WELL. I GUESS WE WILL HAVE TO RESORT TO FORCE! ELEMENTS!" At that word the 6 ponies in front of the Princesses and bug queen start floating. Of course, it is way to slow. The power up takes to long so I decide to stop it. With a single missile from a rocket launcher, I blow the middle one up and the shockwave and heat blasts the rest back onto the courtyard, dead. Celestia stares in shock at her dead comrades and then slowly looks back up at me. "Oh. You. Will. PAY!" "Ah ah ahhhh! Not so fast Celestia." I say as a very recognizable song comes out of nowhere: "You see, I have been subjected to nothing but constant musical numbers since I got here, and I finally got tired of it. There is nothing you can to to stop me." And right as the beat drops, the Minigun I created a few seconds prior started blasting through their weak flesh, ripping holes in places holes shouldn't go. The sight was so evil, so terrifying, and so gory that I started laughing at all the pain I caused them since I gave up on trying to resist. And while I was busy turning the supposedly immortal alicorns into nothing but a fine, red, mist, I had a singular thought. 'This could have drastic affects on the future of this world and I'm responsible. HAH! FUCK YEAH! I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE APOCOLYPSE!' While all that was happening, a single, mint green unicorn in Ponyville was watching Canterlot burn to the ground. "Huh." She said, "So this is how we die. Not of old age or by disease, but by brimstone and fire. Cool." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The turret on my Minigun wound down after 8 minuets of complete and utter badassery, to the tune of BFG Division. *sigh* "Now that that's done with," I say while looking at the red mist the princesses used to be, "I can finally get a good nights sleep!" I walk past dead and mangled bodies, breathed in the sweet smell of death and smoke and got to my house, which was completely unscathed. I went inside and rushed to my bed, ready for the best sleep I ever had in my life. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *3 hours later* "a- A- ACHOO!" That poor unsuspecting pony who accidentally sneezed in front of my house has no idea what's coming for him. 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