Date [REDACTED]
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING TRANSCRIBED AUDIO RECORDINGS ARE UNDER THE PROPERTY OF THE ROYAL EQUESTRIAN SECURITY COMMISSION (RESC). ACCESS TO THESE MATERIALS ARE RESTRICTED TO PONIES AUTHORISED BY THE PRINCESSES. ALL UNAUTHORISED ACCESS WILL BE GROUNDS FOR BANISHMENT AND/OR TERMINATION. ANY MATERIAL DISTRIBUTED TO THE PUBLIC WILL BE GROUNDS FOR BANISHMENT AND/OR TERMINATION.
THE RECORDING WAS TAKEN FROM [REDACTED], [REDACTED] *DISCORD’S HOLDING CELL.
*Changed when we found it impossible to censor for unknown reasons.
START OF RECORDING
D: Come on! Surely you could at least entertain me while I’m stuck here!!
(A distant explosion is audible)
D: Hmm, what is happening out there?
(Screams and gunfire audible)
D: Wait. Am I getting rescued? Oh, joy! It sounds like my gamble paid off! It would be interesting to see these humans I connected Equestria to. (Pause) Although, those weapons don’t sound like the usual gunfire-
(An explosion within the chamber is audible)
D: Well, that was quite the rough entry. I was expecting a little more finesse, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers. Welcome, I presume you’re here to rescue me?
TS: You must be Discord, right? We meet at last.
D: A Unicorn? Oh, you must be one of their collaborators against the Princesses. I have to say, you came along quicker than I expected. And for that matter, might I say, those are some curious-looking uniforms you’re wearing. If I hadn’t known any better, I’d say those are some variations of Post Victorian and Post Great World War from the human world. Wait a minute, am I being rescued by a Steampunk Convention?
TS: (Chuckles) I assure you, Lord Discord, these uniforms are legitimate. They are standard issues.
D: So what, did my magic somehow connect us to an Earth in the middle of a Steampunk Revolution? (Pause) Now that sounds fascinating. Oh well, no matter! You are here, I am here, which means Equestria has just about lost the war against Humanity, as I planned. Carry on then! Just pull that lever to your right and it should set me free from this stasis cell.
(A long pause)
D: Well? What are you waiting for, an invitation? Hurry up and get me out already.
TS: (Laughs ominously)
D: W-why are you laughing like that? And why is it an evil laugh? Am I being rescued by an evil version of Earth?
TS: Sorry. I forgot that you were stuck here isolated for years as a power conduit to keep the portal between worlds open. Of course, you haven’t heard of me. I am Tempest Shadow; commander of the Storm King’s Army, or what’s left of it. I am also an Elder of the Shadow Council.
D: Hold on. The Storm King’s Army? Elder? Did I miss something chaotic and exciting while I was imprisoned here? Wait a minute, I know you! You are the Storm King’s right claw mare, his War Master. I thought you had a broken horn. And what is this Shadow Council?
TS: (Chuckling) My my, you have missed a lot. A year after the portal between our worlds opened, the Storm King led an invasion of Equestria. The invasion would have been a success if it weren’t for the Therans’ intervention. Our army was shattered in less than a week and the Storm King was captured and locked away in Tartarus.
D: Therans?
TS: Yeah. Five years ago your magical conduit connected us to a planet called Thera, inhabited by the species called Mankind, or Humans as they are officially called. A race so technologically advanced compared to Equestria that their whole planet is a member of a spacefaring alliance.
D: Wait, what? No. No, that wasn’t the plan! It was supposed to reach Earth proper; not whatever cheap 40k knockoff this Thera is. Then again, I suppose that is still better than the alternative of whatever world this Sunset Shimmer Celestia mentioned ended up in. But still!
TS: So the intel was correct; you can interfere with the Portal’s connection.
D: Oh please. I merely manipulated the magical connection to link us to a different world. Kind of like redirecting a power cord to a different outlet. Even I cannot do anything too sophisticated.
But more to the point, you are here now with the humans; would you kindly release me?
TS: Hmm. I suppose I could free you, buuuuut… I do have a question.
D: (Groaning) Just one?
(Unknown humming noise faintly audible)
TS: Just one.
D: (Sigh) Fine! But be quick about it! I plan to see Fluttershy as soon as I’m out here. You have no idea how many tea parties I’ve missed with her.
TS: (Voice sounding distorted) You seem to know what led to this war, tell me what you know.
D: Well, that’s easy. Two years before I was locked away in here, I felt a shift in the time-space continuum. So as any reformed Lord of Chaos should, I addressed it to Twilight, the girls, Celestia, and Luna. They responded to me with either the usual scepticism, concern, suspicion, confusion, or a mix of any one of them. I was about to brush it off until one day I was approached by a travelling archeologist. Gooseshot I think it was… I forgot.
Anyhoo, he asked me if I detected any timey-wimey anomalies due to my occupation which left me intrigued. Another pony who sensed it? Count me curious. So, thanks to him and his colleagues along with all their gizmos and gadgets, we managed to find it.
Right out of nowhere, sixty percent of the ponies in Equestria became barren. Sixty percent! Unable to bear foals! We all thought it was a curse or something, so we dug deeper. Turns out, it appeared as though almost everypony is suffering from a genetic degradation that has been happening for generations now. We all thought, “That was impossible. Why haven’t we noticed it before?” Turns out it’s because we could not have noticed it before. Something happened in our past that changed everything.
I was just about to tell Celestia when… Wait a moment… Why am I telling you all this? It was supposed to be a secr- Ugh!
(Groans of pain audible)
D: … What have you done to me?
TS: Hmph. Looks like you managed to break off from my Mind Trick. Still, that lasted longer than expected. I guess this new horn is more effective than I thought.
D: That was not magic. WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!?
TS: You can thank my benefactors for that. They provided me with a new horn to replace my broken one. A psionic crystal called a “Zro Crystal” I believe.
D: B-Benefactors?
TS: Ah, right. I almost forgot. They sent me here because they wanted to meet you, via wireless communique.
(Metallic noise audible followed by a brief wireless transmission interference with the recording)
TS: This is Tempest, I have Discord on the other side.
SK: (Static over wireless) Thank you, Tempest. So, I presume I am speaking to the infamous Lord of Chaos?
(A pause)
D: Who are you?
SK: (Chuckling) I have many names and titles across realities. The Faceless Puppeteer, The Chess Master, The Sciler, Lord Fürer, Supreme General Secretary, The Hydra's Core; just to name a few. My favourite was Big Brother. But ultimately, you will better know me as The Shadow King. Let me be the first to introduce you to my Shadow Empire—the New World Order.
(A chorus of salutes chant, “All Hail The New World Order!”)
D: Hmph. Seriously? Am I supposed to be impressed? Although, I can appreciate the irony of being rescued by a group of discount INGSOC. Then again, judging from the fact that none of you have freed me already makes me think you are here to do otherwise.
SK: Don’t be so pessimistic, Lord Discord. I bear no ill will against you or what you represent. If anything, I must thank you for your contribution.
D: Thanking me? What would a Tyrant want to thank an anarchist for? Last I checked, Order and Chaos don’t exactly mix.
SK: (Chuckles) Au contraire, Lord Discord. I think you will find that Order and Chaos are not opposing sides of the same coin. In my eyes, chaos is the first step to order, and the more extreme the chaos is the greater the grip of order. It is the natural metamorphosis of all things, from the laws of nature to geopolitics.
Your efforts to change the destination of the portal are a testament to that. If you had not redirected it to our reality, we would not have established ourselves in yours. And for that, we are most grateful.
D: Oh spare me your pseudo-philosophising. If I wanted to hear your propaganda I would have bought a farm run by pigs and listen to them bicker over how many legs are better. What do you want from me?
SK: Hmm, I would have thought a being such as yourself would appreciate speaking around the subject rather than getting straight to the point.
D: And I thought Despots have stuck up sticks in the mud who don't know how to have fun.
SK: Oh I know how to have fun, especially at someone else's expense. Much like yourself I believe.
D: That does not make us equals.
SK: I never said we were. I simply state that we are the inevitable evolution of what you represent. In short, we are your betters.
D: Hah, that is the biggest load of baloney I've ever heard. Evolution does not mean an upgrade. I mean have you seen the sloth?
SK: Hmm, you have me there. Although, you cannot deny that order completes what chaos has started.
But I digress, I do need to fulfil why we are here. In short, the High Elders of the Shadow Council are divided on whether to remove you from the board or gain your cooperation. I am of the latter and I can personally guarantee that we will have your cooperation, one way or another.
D: Mighty confident, aren’t you?
SK: Naturally.
D: And just what makes you so confident that I will cooperate?
SK: Well for starters, I am offering you options for how we will ensure your cooperation.
D: Hmm, Alright, I will humour you. What are these offers that I could not refuse?
SK: Option One: We will lobotomize you and you will remain here as a vegetable battery for the portal.
D: Ah, I see. Worst option first. Not exactly convincing.
SK: It was our first option, but I agree; it doesn’t sound enticing. Option Two on the other hand; you can join us, Lord Discord. We will free you, and you can join our glorious New World Order. We may even give you a seat in the Shadow Council. Provided of course you remain loyal and maintain the portal between the two worlds. But should you even think twice about betraying us; well, there’s Option Four.
D: What happened to option three?
SK: Option Three is that you remain here in this cell without any more fuss and you will do no interference with the portal. You will maintain it the way that it is, you will ensure it remains open, and you will ensure it does not shift into another reality, no matter what the Equestrians try to do. You will not interfere with our plans for this world and you will remain functional.
D: Hmmmmm. Yes, tempting offers. Sorry, but they are hardly convincing. I imagine Option One is where I refuse all other options?
SK: (Chuckles) No my good sir, that is reserved for Option Four. Tempest?
TS: Yes Milord?
SK: Show him.
TS: Gladly.
(Rummaging through a saddlebag is heard)
TS: Recognise this feather, Discord?
D: … F-Fluttershy’s… (Low growl) What have you done to her?
SK: Rest assured, Lord Discord, she is alive and well in our custody. However, I cannot guarantee she will remain that way if we do not have your cooperation.
Option Four: The Bearer of Kindness will endure the cruellest fate we can provide. She will be tortured, experimented, executed, and dissected, all in that order. I am fairly certain you of all people would understand the amount of chaos her untimely demise will wrought, both for you and the rest of the world, and not in a desirable way.
D: You… (Screaming) YOU MONSTER!
SK: (Cackling) Hahaha! Coming from you that is high praise! Make no mistake, Lord Discord; when it comes to Chaos it is Order who benefits from it more. And we will benefit from it, with or without your cooperation.
D: Why?! What could you possibly gain from all this?!
SK: The most basic reason of all: resources. This world is ripe with it, more specifically the Rock Farming Industry. This world has more than enough resources to fuel our conquest of our Homeworld of Thera. And with all the chaos of war that has been happening, we are slowly reaching that goal. We just need to ensure that it continues as such. And if your cooperation is not offered, then we will simply ignite a new level of chaos to ensure that the population’s hatred spawned from the war will consume them into a righteous war once they find out that The Element of Kindness died brutally within Theran soil and in Theran hands.
(A long pause)
D: (Softly) Alright, I’ll do it.
SK: There, see? That wasn’t too har-
D: I’ll take Option Three.
SK: … Oh. Well, I suppose that is the most reasonable option. Then we are agreed. I’ll look forward to our future endeavours. Tempest.
TS: Yes sir?
SK: Your job is done. Rally the men and prepare for extraction before the Equestrian Reinforcements arrive.
TS: Yes sir!
SK: Oh, and Princess Twilight, I know you’re hearing this and I know what you are planning. Your schemes will not save you, not especially after the deal you broke between us. I may not know yet why you did what you did, but I know what you did and what you are doing. Rest assured we will not interfere, not while it still benefits our cause, but know that should you get in our way we will take that as a sign that you picked Option Four as well. And we will do so as painfully and as brutally as possible.
Consider it the first instalment of payment for our contributions to your war effort. Give My Regards to the two Princesses. HAHAHA-
END OF RECORDING