There was a certain fundamental awkwardness built into sharing an elevator ride with someone you didn't like, and it was so basic as to shove itself into the fabric of the world. It made space for itself between seconds, forcing everything else to repeatedly jump over the gaps. It slowed time.
The trip to street level took approximately six forevers within oddly-compressed stifling air, which was also the duration for which Saikawa had to make sure she kept standing between Kanna and the boy. (The boy kept shuffling his feet. Shaking them, as if he was waiting for the first chance to kick off the shoes.) Looking for a chance to seize Kanna's delicate hand, because that would be a declaration of both protection and possession --
-- except that Kanna's arms were resting at the beautiful girl's sides, and the one closest to Saikawa hadn't moved at all. Wasn't reaching for her.
We should have taken the stairs.
Stairs offered more options. You could control your own pace. There would have been a chance to gain wider separation, and Saikawa was on the relay race team for her class: she was sure she was faster than the boy. Also, Ilulu probably would have said something about the opportunity for problem solving. Because the teenager hadn't exactly asked her coworker out just yet -- which was perfectly acceptable for girls who had to deal with boys, as boys were accurately presumed to be clueless on the matter -- but when it came to Taketo Aida, she was decidedly territorial. Any female who seemed to be looking at the sleepy-eyed adolescent male for a little too long would find themselves on the receiving end of Ilulu's attention, and --
-- it was... strange. When it came to height, Ilulu was very short for her age: just about all of her growth energy had gone somewhere else. She didn't look as if she'd be much good in a fight. When it came to her total appearance, any observer would put a marker flagpole in the ground next to her, mark it as the new central capital of Intimidation, and then tell Ilulu to position herself on the exact opposite side of the planet.
Saikawa had briefly wondered if that would put the teenager back where she originally came from, but she'd checked online again and the 'antipode' city for their region was a place called Cidreira. Ilulu didn't look Brazilian, any more than Kanna seemed to be Russian.
Ilulu had never said where she was from.
Neither of the adopted sisters really looked as if they came from anywhere real --
-- Ilulu was only intimidating if you were worried about having your shins repeatedly kicked, or had an odd fear of suffocating during hugs. But if another girl took visible interest in Take, Ilulu would... look at them. A silent, steady gaze, which might be accompanied by one of those half-crooked smiles. Something which just barely showed teeth.
(Ilulu had even, flawless white teeth. Just as long as you were looking directly at them.)
(...her smile was beautiful. Warm. Perfect.)
And then the other girl would leave. Rather quickly.
None of them ever came back.
Ilulu had picked up most of the massacre jokes from Miss Tohru. And if she'd been on a staircase with someone who was seen as a potential rival, she might have commented on getting behind them, waiting for exactly the right moment and then...
'Number of humans who need to die in order to solve the problem: one.'
Saikawa could almost hear the words, because the teenager's voice was just that distinctive. There would have been a laugh embedded within the syllables.
It still wasn't funny.
Saikawa felt herself to have some violence in her. She... had a hard time dealing with certain issues. Nearly anything new. Anyone new. She struck out, and -- just about all of that was verbal. She wasn't sure she had it in her to truly hurt someone, not unless they were threatening Kanna. (She took karate classes, had done well in a few tournaments -- within her own age group and weight class.) Pushing the boy wasn't even a joke option.
The words were bad enough. The ones she never truly heard until she stopped talking, and could never take back.
She'd nearly lost Kanna over words. On the very first day.
What did it feel like, to fall in love at first sight?
There was a certain heat to it. When you were sitting at your desk, looking at the new student who was being introduced to the entire class, the foreigner who had multiple rows of boys and girls just staring at her... it could feel a lot like the heat of rage.
They were staring at the new girl. They were openly fascinated by the white hair and the too-elaborate dress and those hints of an exotic accent. Saikawa had spotted all of it immediately: how beautiful the foreigner was, how utterly enticing and everyone in the class was falling under the spell of that soft voice. The new girl was introducing herself without saying very much, two dozen kids were hanging on every scant syllable, and --
-- the new girl was going to have friends. Saikawa knew that. All the friends she could ever want.
Saikawa didn't have any friends at all.
If Saikawa had been asked to describe herself -- not that anyone cared to, or spoke to her unless they absolutely had to -- she would have said she was a hopeless person who couldn't admit defeat. And, when necessary, cheated. She viewed both of those qualities as positives. It meant she kept pushing forward, even without friends. She wouldn't admit that her school career had been an utter social failure since the first day, because her education wasn't finished yet. There was still time to turn things around.
And there was a new girl in front of the class. Someone who didn't know Saikawa at all, hadn't even had a chance to hear any of the stories about previous disasters, the foreigner was fresh and untainted by harsh words and beautiful and perfect and the class was giving her its full rapt attention.
A new girl.
Saikawa didn't know how to deal with the new. She had no concept of how to go about making friends. She'd certainly never managed the feat before. All she understood was that 'Kanna Kobayashi' existed as a living ideal. Someone who would have all the friends she ever wanted, just as soon as she decided to want them. And she would never, ever want to be friends with Riko Saikawa, because no one ever had.
Maybe it was 'would'.
No one ever would --
-- the introduction had ended. There had been some class time. The teacher had gone out of the room. It was everyone's first chance to speak with the foreigner without supervision.
And Saikawa, who didn't know how to deal with people... had gone on the verbal attack.
She'd said it directly: the new girl was getting far too much attention. The foreigner hadn't even done anything to earn it other than showing up and being perfect, and she was so cute that Saikawa wanted to hug her forever --
-- she'd said that, she'd actually said it in front of multiple kids during the tirade, the words just started flowing and she never realized what they'd been until everything stopped --
-- but she'd just kept going from there, challenging the new girl to a karate match. Or arm wrestling. Either was fine. The important thing was that the perfect vision who would never, ever be friends with her would be beaten, pushed away, rejected before she could do the same to Saikawa and that was the only way to win --
-- and then she'd seen the first tears welling up in blue eyes.
It had made her stop. The words ended, and that had let her finally hear what they'd all been. Listening to their endless echoes within her head, as she'd forced herself to look at what furious syllables had done.
The foreign girl was in a new place. Lost and scared and, as Saikawa would eventually learn, recently adopted. No anchors left, no stability, trying to work it all out and...
...no friends.
Kanna had said... she just wanted to be friends...
It had taken an offer of candy to make the tears stop.
(Saikawa usually had some candy hidden somewhere. Sugar filled in the loneliness. For a little while.)
And then they'd spent time together afterwards. Kanna had let Saikawa stay near her, even after everything which had been said. There had been no talk of forgiveness, or requirements for same. Saikawa had just been allowed to -- stay.
To be her friend.
To have a chance at becoming more.
On the first day they'd met, Saikawa had made Kanna cry.
What did it take, to properly atone for that?
A lifetime of making her laugh.