The tribes of Ponies lived in desperation and fear. A great evil had arisen long ago on Residuum, shattering the world and its moon. The ponies that lived there were divided, for the emergence of faunis ponies had shaken the unity of ponykind. But that was not all. Ancient malice dwelled on Residuum, threatening the lives of every pony there, wanting to destroy all that ponies had wrought, seeking to destroy every last living soul on Residuum.
But hope remained. By blade, by spell, by gun, or by the newly discovered elemental propellant called Dust, the ponies of Residuum rallied beyond their differences and sought to banish the evil from whence it came forever.
But the ponies there were betrayed. An evil sorcerer named Final Peace, tragically cursed by the darkness, had decided to ally herself against ponykind and with the ancient evil. The hated alicorn of darkness even found followers to turn against their fellow ponies. Even as new champions for pony kind emerged, in the alicorns of Rose Scythe, Silver Sword, Sunny Heart, and Fair Shade, all seemed lost as the ancient evil awoke ever greater horrors to beset the ponies of Residuum.
But the Spirit of Hope would not allow the ponies there to perish. The ponies there had found companionship in each other and harnessed the strength and power of the Dust. The ponies of Residuum were in dire straights, but the Spirit of Hope had one final champion to call upon.
In Residuum's darkest hour, the Spirit of Hope sent the Rogue Trader, may the Light of Hope shine upon him forever. Edo von Hassia was his name, and on wings of fire, he descended upon the ancient evil. For he was a human, duty-bound to fight the ancient evil on all worlds, not just on Residuum. He joined forces with the alicorn champions, defeated the evil sorcerer, and banished the darkness from Residuum forever.
After that glorious victory was won, the ponies of Residuum celebrated joyously. They laughed, they sang, they cheered, and they danced. But that joy soon faded, for duty bade the Rogue Trader to seek evil on other worlds. He could not enjoy the fruits of peace so hard-fought for the ponies of Residuum. Thus it was that one alicorn, Silver Sword, having fought against the enemies of hope with the Rogue Trader, did not wish for their alliance to end. Thus it came to pass that Silver Sword joined the Rogue Trader on his sacred mission. May the Light of Hope shine forever upon their holy quest.
~The End
Light of Hope... that does sound rather nice. As I listened to Princess Silver Sword, my head began itching with memories. Half-buried, half-imagined, flashes of my time in this place, Residuum. At least, I hope I'm remembering. I'd hate to imagine something when I could just... remember it. And yet... I saw it when I closed my eyes. The shattered moon from my bridge's window. A world more crater than land or sea. An entire world of warriors and survivors, ponies who just wanted to survive. I even remember the champions that were sent to meet me as I landed. The red one, the black one, the blonde one, and... no, it was Rose Scythe, Fair Shade, Sunny Heart, and... Silver Sword.
Color and heat rushed to my face. The secret rendezvous... the knowing glance... Princess Twilight smirking... I rubbed my head. Princess Silver Sword leaned forward, asking, softly, "Are you remembering?"
I took another sip from my canteen. "Bits and pieces," I admitted.
Silver showed me a knowing smile. "From the look on your face," she commented, "The better bits and pieces."
I nodded. I reached for the tome and thumbed through the illustrations. I saw the ponies and their plight, the wicked alicorn, and... my brain itched. A deep sense of regret filled me. I whined, "No..."
Having picked up the dishes, Silver Sword turned back to me. "What's wrong?" She asked.
I put a hand on my face. "I remember..." I thought aloud. "I remember the one regret I have about my time on Residuum. I didn't capture the Alicorn of Darkness and her first lieutenant instead of..." A sword swing was all it took, after what felt like forever of fighting.
Princess Silver Sword blinked. "What?" She said, baffled. "You've never mentioned this to me."
Before I realized what I had said, I had spoken out, saying, "They were really cute." I put my face in my palms. "No," I groaned quietly. I should not have said that. I looked to Silver Sword, whose eyes were wide, and mouth agape.
Silver Sword was on the edge of... something. I leaned back, ice gripping my heart. Then, I saw her mouth twitch. Then twitch again. She made a coughing noise. Her eyes were wild, looking at the floor. She breathed more heavily.
Then, she threw her head back, committing to a full belly laugh. Ice still gripped my heart. She choked, falling on the floor. Giggling as she curled up.
"Rose! Rose, you were right, damn it!" wailed Silver Sword. More laughing. "He was too proud to admit it, but you were right!"
I bit my lip. "Admit... what?" I dared ask.
Silver Sword stood back up and pointed a hoof at me, saying, accusing, "That you thought the bad girls here weren't just cute, they were bad."
Fighting the chuckles in my chest, I protested, saying, "W-Well, they must not have been that hot if I was still able to—"
"Hot!" Shouted Silver. She stamped and marched around my seat, singing, "Rogue Trader and Final Peace, fighting on a field, K-I-L-L-I-N-G! First comes knife, then comes gun, then comes a little huntspony to slay with them!"
She giggled, then was taken aback by my horrified expression. "Sorry," she explained. "Traditional Residuum tease."
I said, with no small amount of incredulity, "That doesn't seem..." I rubbed my hands together. "... Appropriate."
"Why?" Silver asked as she rounded my seat again. "Is it because we're mare and man? Or man and mare, if you prefer?"
New doubts. New worries. "Well," I mused aloud. "How did that even happen? Were you my... first?" I dared to ask.
More laughter, like hot chocolate on a cold morning. I tried to shake that weird thought away. Instead, it was shaken away by Silver, who grabbed me from behind and held me over the back of the couch I sat on. Softly, in my ear, Silver said to me, "If I said yes, that would be fun... but Princess Twilight might actually murder me for that." She let me go and then rounded around to sit down on her haunches in front of me. I licked my lips and thought.
"But the book," I remembered. "It doesn't mention Princess Twilight."
Nodding, Silver said, "One of... many omissions, for the sake of the foal's tale. Something they did fix in the... second edition." I looked at the tome in my hands and at one of the illustrations of Silver Sword.
"You do look cute in the combat skirt," I commented. Now it was Silver's turn to sport some color on her face.
"Oh, you," tittered Silver. She flicked her tail in my face.
I smiled. "So, how did it happen?" I asked. Silver looked thoughtful, then settled down on the couch next to me.
"Truthfully?" She began. "It began on the first day that you landed on Residuum. You had parked your ship over Deacon Academy, and all of us were raring for a fight. A massive alien machine from the stars appears one day, and you keep your head?" She scrunched her nose. "Not terribly likely."
There was greenery on the field that day. I had decided to land in front of an impressive building for a grand entrance. A new world, just for me. I forced myself to take a deep breath through the itchiness and listen to Silver's story.
"Everyone was preparing for some First Contact scenario, like in Sunny's comic books. All of us readied our weapons when we saw a shuttle leave the ship, and land on the lawn. Hm," she hummed. "I still remember the smell of burning grass."
Ouch. That might not have been the best way to make a first impression if I was being honest. Although, to be fair, not every world I visit would have a nice concrete landing pad on it.
"So it came as something of a shock to all of us when a purple princess walked down the ramp of that ship. She greeted us as if it was the most normal thing in the world." She mimed a different voice, " 'Hi! My name is Princess Twilight Sparke,' as if she hadn't just come out of a mother-lovin' spaceship."
I remember now. If it's a human planet, send the human out first. If it's a pony planet, send the pony out first.
"She shook our hooves and made us tell her our names," Silver recalled. "It was so... surreal. Everything was going to change forever for us, but the first order of business was to do a friendly meet and greet. Then, she announced you."
She hopped off the couch, flared her wings, struck a pose with a lifted hoof, and said, quoting, "It is my supreme honor and pleasure to welcome you all to Rogue Trader Edo Von Hassia, Lord Captain of the Mercy of the Stars and my lovely husband!"
Silver Sword hopped back on the couch, and, after a moment, scooched closer to me. I took the hint and scratched her scalp. Silver sighed, then said, "We weren't sure what to expect, least of all a human with a really big hat." I laughed and rubbed my nose. "Hey, it does help to make a grand first impression," Silver affirmed as she hugged me. She shook her head, "Anyway, the first thing you did after watching everyone gawp at you was walk right up to me, introduced yourself, and kissed my hoof. I fainted straight away." She rubbed her face with her hooves, trying to banish the embarrassment of that day. "I woke up right after and was just about conscripted into your personal army. You chose me, Rogue Trader. I'll never forget that."
She looked fondly at the floor, remembering with a smile. She hummed, and said, "The rest of the story, however, is the truth... more or less. No Grimm... sorry, daemons could stand up to the Rogue Trader and the ponies of Residuum. Especially not when the Rogue Trader brings his ship along, a flying mountain of guns."
Silver looked back at me with a smirk, saying, "One of the things that the wicked tyrant Final Peace was known for saying was that 'Strength will not save you.' She very much had not met a Rogue Trader before, nor had she a real answer to the obliteration of her source of power. A pit of darkness doesn't stand up to being nuked from orbit."
Silver then relaxed, with a dreamy look in her eyes. "I still remember the look on her face when it came to the final showdown. I had asked why you didn't just hit her from orbit like you did her source of power, and you know what you said to me, Rogue Trader?"
I looked to Silver, a smile on her face. I waited until she finally explained, "You said, 'Too many bad guys somehow escape orbital bombardment, but none survive encounters with me.' Knowing what I know now, it doesn't seem as strange to me anymore."
I scritch-scratched between the wings of Princess Silver Sword, causing her to sigh contentedly. I then asked, "And that's when we kicked some bad guy's butt, right?" I showed her a knowing smile. She nodded. I sighed, "Somehow, that does sound like me."
Silver Sword blinked. "What do you mean by that, Edo?" She asked.
Time for a new plunge. "Listen, Princess," I said, softly but seriously. "When I woke up, not even remembering my own name, that tends to make me afraid of a few things." She nodded, and I continued. "So when Twilight told me that we were married, I was ecstatic. This kind, caring pony was married to me? When she told me about you, Forest, Cherry, and Azure, I became... suspicious of myself. I mean... what kind of man would I have to be to have more than one wife, right? Am I a disgusting rich and powerful weirdo, or..."
A wing slapped across my face. I recovered, then saw that Silver stared at me with a hard face. Her features softened. She sighed with her eyes closed, and then drew me in for a hug. While rubbing her face against mine, the Princess said, "You've always been gentlemanly with me, you big dumb idiot." She hummed. "That's what convinced me to join you on the ship. If there were more evils like Peace out there, and you were going out there to fight them, who was I to stay behind? I nearly told the other girls to come with me, too." She sighed. "Maybe I should've." She held me just a bit tighter. "But Residuum needed their champions, and I needed mine."
I rubbed my little princess's back. "Speaking of Residuum," I wondered aloud. "How has that place been doing these days?"
"It's been a while," Silver admitted. She then grinned. "Do you remember that the ponies there swore allegiance to you? It's a core world of your Protectorate, now."
I raised my eyebrows. "Did they, now?" I pondered, even as my brain itched away at the fog.
I blinked hard. Silver just nodded, and continued, doing her best to bury her muzzle in my neck, "After the victory, and before we left, the news got out that we could join a greater Imperium, one that honors eternal alliances between men and ponies. I was, of course, the first and biggest advocate of the union, even if..."
I let Silver go, looking her in the eyes. "Even if what, Princess?" I asked.
Silver rolled her neck, popping a few times. "Even if there was a nightmare of paperwork to go through!" She groaned throatily. "We had to conduct a worldwide census, a worldwide survey, and then the House Hassia Mechanicus guys came and did it again themselves anyway! So stupid," Silver lamented. "But... it was worth it. After we saw what we could do for you after all you did for us, we joined the Imperium of Man and Equus as a member-world of the Hassian Protectorate."
More itching. More images from the fog. The planet of Residuum becoming greener. The gold of cities spreading across the land and even reclaiming the craters.
"After a referendum, it was decided that Residuum would become a fortress world. We were safe, and we were going to stay safe, Hope's Light as my witness," swore Princess Silver. "The four of us became the Residuum Tetrarchy, and I stayed aboard your ship. My friends... appointed chancellors, and got to work fortifying our world against any and all threats." She nodded, and continued, "In that, I am glad for the Hassian House Mechanicus branch."
I tried to preempt Silver by asking, "That'd be Magos Polarscale and his servants, right?"
Silver nodded, and, after a moment, boasted, with a hoof to her chest, "I think we even give your nephews a run for their money with what we've built!"
Nephews? "Nephews?" I asked, terror gripping my heart.
Seeing my new state, Silver flapped her wings and stammered, "Uh, uh, anyway! Residuum now ranks as the highest-rated military center for the Hassian Protectorate! Our regiments are the finest in the Mercator Guard! And... and even those Imperium Intelligence guys train with us!"
I raised an eyebrow. I quizzed, "That'd be guys like Reginald, right?"
She nodded. "That's right," she affirmed. "Part spy agency, part monster hunting guild... in my opinion. I mean, why else would they train with us? We're sorta at the forefront of experience fighting big and nasty things. Some call them 'Inquisitors', but I don't really see it."
My brain itched again. I scratched my head, knowing damn well it wouldn't help anything. I was feeling plenty warm now. Even so, what had happened had drained me again, making me feel like I wasn't really getting anywhere with my physical therapy. I stretched, groaning. "I feel better, but still terrible."
"Well," Silver Sword said. "That's what happens when you bleed from every pore. Your implants are all gone, too. Slagged when you..." She noticed the look of horror on my face. "Sorry. I forgot you forgot that you're used to this."
Instead of asking about... being used to horrifically injuries, I instead asked, "I-...Implants?"
Silver raised an eyebrow. "Honey," she told me. "I'm your wife, not your doctor."
"Right," I noted. "That would be Polarscale. Speaking of which, I'm still not sure how the... wife thing even happened."
From behind me, I could hear Twilight saying, "It was my idea."
I whipped around as fast as I could, and asked, frightened, "You?!"
Taken aback, Twilight simply nodded. "Yes," she began, as she rounded the couch. "Our own union was very complicated. It... became a union of two peoples as much as it was a personal marriage between two individuals who loved each other very much. After Princess Silver Sword started to get really close to you... I really couldn't say no, could I?"
"Oh, Twilight," I said, drawing her into a hug. "I'm so sorry." I buried my face in her neck.
"What are you sorry for, silly?" Twilight said, softly. "It wasn't always politics. It was just..."
"Extraordinary circumstances," I finished for her. I almost growled, "I will make it work, Twilight. I promise."
Twilight shivered in my arms, but said, "I have no doubt that you will... hm. Rogue Trader." She withdrew from the hug and made a new report, saying, "There was an emergency meeting. We needed to talk about what happened, but we needed to be careful."
I looked behind me, and I saw Polarscale again, who regarded me with a bow.
"This hasn't happened before," I hazard a guess. "Has it?"
"No, and..." Twilight shivered. "It scares me, Edo."
Polarscale stepped forward and announced, "I am sorry, Princesses, Rogue Trader. With your permission... I must operate immediately."
I grimaced, and asked, "I won't like this, will I?"
Polarscale shook his head. He said, confidently, "I am your Doctor, Rogue Trader, and your Engineer. You will be fine."
"Fine," I resigned myself as I rose. "Let's get it over with."