Floating in the hotspring, Sunset let out a contented breath as the searing hot liquid eased her aching body. She didn’t know how long she’d been there. Only that after the unimaginable agony of the purification, the pool’s heat was sweet, euphoric bliss.
Kicking her legs a little, Sunset drifted further out towards the center nearest the spring’s source, relishing the rapidly spiking temperature, and the knowledge that - for the moment - this place was hers and hers alone. The lethal moat of volcanic water saw to that.
Opening her eyes she looked up, the slightest of smiles began to form on her lips at the sight. Through the steam, the trees growing around the edge of the pool were a collage of autumnal reds, golds and greens, which contrasted beautifully with the light blue, cloudless sky. And above it all, the early afternoon sun shone strong and warm, as though to remind her that the Queen was watching over her.
Glancing to another, far less lethal, pool, her friends were also enjoying the water. Both Easterners were sitting near the bank, heads resting as the water did its magic.
Philomena had joined them in the shallows, her mind quiet and her breathing slow. The exhaustion of the previous night had caugh up with her. Minutes after she entered the pool, she’d fallen asleep, leaving their bond silent as the darkness claimed her
Sunset had asked her if she wanted to join her in the upper pool, but she’d declined. Something about ‘not drowning’ in a pool with no shallows for her to sit in.
A gentle breeze rustled the leaves of the trees.
Sunset sighed.
At the moment, Roseluck was off disposing of the chaos-taint with General Sentry and Raven. Or did she say they would be the ones to dispose of it?
Regardless, once it was done, that was that. Roseluck would return, and Sunset would go back to playing the part of 'good little Sunset', newest phoenix-born and the obedient doll of Raven Inkwell.
Maybe Roseluck could convince the Seneschal to let her rest a few days. After what happened, she deserved it.
Another breeze rustled the branches. A few leaves knocked loose, leaving them barren.
Like the oaks of Golden Tree.
In a spark, the memories returned. Lyra. Bronze. Her sisters. Her home. The pain.
All of the memories burnt into her thoughts with white hot intensity.
Taunting her.
Tormenting her.
“Dreaming darkness,” Sunset cursed as she pinched her eyes closed, trying to stop the tears from coming.
Why wouldn’t they just go away?
Would they ever go away?
Holding her breath, Sunset pulled her arms to her sides, allowing herself to sink. She dipped below the surface, and in her mind the water's heat clashed against the memories' darkness.
She shifted as her back touched the bottom then kicked off, rocketing up and breaching the surface with a gasp.
Philomena and Roseluck kept assuring her that they weren’t real. Something that she was still trying to accept.
But that only made how she felt worse.
She wanted her oath-sisters.
She wanted to see them so badly.
She needed them.
Applejack’s stalwart, grounding honesty.
Rainbow’s fierce, true loyalty.
Pinkie’s infectious, joyful laughter.
More than anything else, she needed to know they still loved her.
But at the same time, she didn’t want to see them.
She was scared.
Scared of the rejection that she was sure to come.
Scared that even if she needed them, they didn’t want her anymore.
Could she face them again, knowing they’d wanted to break their oath with her.
And that she deserved it.
“No!”
Sunset shouted, throwing herself back with a loud splash.
That wasn’t true.
None of it was.
None of it really happened.
Her oath-sisters hadn’t rejected her. Blueblood hadn’t destroyed Golden Tree. Her town and family hadn’t fallen to Chaos. All of that was a lie. A lie created by the ulmuri.
That’s right.
It was the poison.
A poison made by an atrocity Raven and General Sentry had failed to protect her from.
It was their fault.
For all their talk about “keeping her safe,” they didn’t actually care. They just used it as an excuse to control her.
But when the storm came, she’d still been struck by lightning.
“You okay over there, Sunset?”
Daisy’s voice pulled her out of her ruminations and back to Nitor.
“Yes, I’m okay. Just… thinking about… things.”
There was a long pause, before she heard Lily speak.
“You want to talk about it?”
“No. Not really.”
“Are you sure? We’re here for you if you want to,” Daisy added.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
There was another long pause.
“Well, if you change your mind, we’re here.”
“Thank you, but I’m fine,” Sunset called before laying back again.
That was it, wasn’t it. Raven. General Sentry. Commander Spitfire. They didn’t really care about her or Philomena. Just what she could do for them. If they did, they wouldn’t have let Nightcrawler get to her in the first place. They should have known he would try something. Found a way to convince the kirintal to let her stay on Mt. Liakeed instead of having to be at the festival. They should have protected her.
But they didn’t.
The only one who actually cared enough to keep her safe was Roseluck.
But… if she’d stayed on Mt. Liakeed, she wouldn’t have seen her friends. Wouldn’t have had fun with them at the festival. Wouldn’t have gotten to learn about their home. Wouldn’t have gotten to see Roseluck. She’d have been all alone with Philomena and the Queen for a week while Raven was away.
A pained lump formed in her throat at the thought.
She hated to admit it to herself, but despite how frustrated she’d been at everything she’d been required to do, she had been having fun. Even if it wasn’t as freely, or where she’d wished.
“Why?” She asked herself as she stared up through the boughs. “Why can’t this be simple?”
*****
Sunset stared at the four, rectangular tiles on her stand. Considering her options, as she flicked her eyes back and forth across the winding trail of other tiles spreading out across the table. A winding trail of more tiles spread upon it, the ends of each determining her next move.
To her left and right, both her friends were similarly scrutinizing their own tiles. Behind, Philomena was perched on the back of her chair, watching.
After a few moments, Sunset made her choice.
“Okay…” Sunset plucked a tile with the symbol for fire and water, placing it adjacent to one of the trailheads, flush with the symbol of air. “Air gives rise to fire. Your move, Lily.”
“Right…” Lily said, considering her hand, then the tiles on the board.
Roseluck still hadn’t returned by the time the four of them had exited the spring. Sunset had wanted to stay in, only for her friends had reminded her that while she was heatproof, they weren’t. So, after drying off and getting dressed, the they had decided to play a game of elementiles while they waited. They had debated over which regional rules they would use, with Sunset ultimately convincing them to try the Western one.
She was grateful for that, since she finally got to share a bit of her side of Solaria with her friends.
Lily turned to Sunset, “So, if I can’t make a move, do I pass and draw?”
“You draw until you can make a move, or you reach max hand.”
Grumbling, Lily pulled a tile from the dispenser, made a sour face, and drew again.
“What’s the largest hand I can have again?”
“Seven.”
It also didn’t hurt that for the first time since coming to Rose’s Blossom, she was at an advantage. Lily and Daisy were playing by her rules now.
“Alright," Lily said, drawing one last time. With a relieved sigh, she set a double air tile down, touching a trail tip marked with the rune for wood. "Wood gives rise to air. Your turn, Daisy.”
“Uhm." Daisy looked at the board, then the five tiles in her hand. She picked one, setting a metal and air tile against the double air's tip. "Metal defeats air.”
Internally, Sunset smirked. She just made sure to keep it off her face.
“That's an illegal move," Sunset said with a snicker. "You have to play the next element in the cycle, not what defeats the previous one. Remember?”
“Oh, right,” Daisy chuckled, moving the tile to a different part of the board. “Wood gives rise to air.”
“It's fine, you're still learning." Examining the board, Sunset weighed which tiles had been played, and which were left. With her three, she had a few options but none stuck out as the clearest path to victory.
She found herself starting to relax as she went through the familiar mental calculations. Back home, elementiles was always one of her favorite games to play with Bronze during their midday breaks. He always stressed how important it was to stop and think a few steps ahead when making a play. To not just look at the board that was, but the board that could be.
His lessons came in handy when she wanted to hustle her friends or oath-sisters out of a few sparks.
Sunset felt a pang in her chest. She did her best to not let her pain show on her face as she forced down the memories of Bronze’s mutilated and Chaos-warped body while she picked her next move.
“Metal gives rise to earth.” Just as Sunset plucked up the tile, she felt a wave of annoyance from Philomena.
What’s wrong? Sunset sent, concerned that she might be upsetting her.
We’ve got a visitor.
Sunset’s hackles rose.
Who?
See for yourself, Philomena sent as she gave Sunset use of her eyes.
There, on the other side of the grove, was a lone sky-runner. A very familiar sky-runner leaning against one of the trees, her arms crossed over her chest, watching.
Dawn Wings, Sunset sent dryly. Part of her was surprised to see the spy-mistress.
And part of her wasn’t.
Yet, there was something… off. Instead of her usual theatrics, she was just standing there. If she just appeared at the table, or tapped Sunset on the shoulder to tell her the next move she should make? That felt like something Dawn Wings would do.
But standing quietly, waiting to be noticed?
That didn’t make sense.
“Sunset, are you and Philomena scheming something?”
Sunset attention snapped to Lily. From Philomena’s perspective, she could see Dawn Wings push herself off the tree and walk over.
“No. Just… I think we may have to put the game on hold.”
“Why? Tired of winning already?” Daisy deadpanned.
“I forget, who challenged me to that disk game when I first got here?” Sunset shot a wry smile, playfully narrowing her eyes.
“Point taken,” Daisy giggled, embarrassed.
“So, what’s wrong?” Lily asked, her face growing concerned.
Sunset pointed over her shoulder.
“That," Sunset monotoned. Through Philomena's eyes, she saw Dawn's hand had nearly reached the table.
As her friends' faces snapped from confusion to shock, Sunset tried not to snicker.
“Where’d she…?” Lily started.
“Who is…?” Daisy began.
“Sorry girls, but neither I nor Sunset can answer that.”
Sunset noted the lack of mirth in her usual tone. It served as yet more kindling to the flames of her unease.
Dawn reached the table, and stopped. "Hey kiddo. How ya holdin' up?”
“I’ve been better,” Sunset said as she turned in her chair to face the older woman, before her voice went cold. “Why are you here? Does Raven need something?”
“You know her?” Lily asked.
“Yes. She’s…” Sunset began to say, only to stop at the sharp look and slight shake of her head from Dawn Wings. “… someone who works for Raven.”
Her friends exchanged a confused glance.
“That’s not really an answer, you know?” Daisy huffed.
“That’s the kind of thing I’d expect from Raven or Roseluck,” Lily added.
To Sunset’s chagrin, Dawn Wings snickered and patted Lily’s shoulder.
“She’s just trying to keep you two safe,” Dawn Wings said as she pulled up a chair, draping her wings over the back as she sat. “Trust me, you’re better off not knowing more than that.”
“Is that right, Sunset?” Daisy asked.
“I’m afraid so,” Sunset said, glaring Dawn Wings’ way. “You didn’t answer my question though. Why are you here?”
Dawn Wings didn’t answer immediately, though her expression grew sympathetic.
“Well… I wanted to check on you. See how you were doing, and if you wanted to talk.”
Sunset's mind froze, then roared like an inferno. She knew Dawn Wings answered to Raven, just as the prominence knights. The Spy-mistress told her as much. If Sunset said something, would it get back to Raven?
Did Dawn Wings actually care?
She sounded sincere.
On the other side of the stone, she knew that Dawn Wings was a very good actress. Could she really trust her? Or was this some ploy of Raven’s to manipulate her again.
“Really? So you’re not here because Raven asked you to check on me?” Sunset said, trying Dawn Wings down.
“No, I’m not.” Dawn Wings shook her head. “No orders from Raven. No official capacity. Just one sun-gazer worried about another that went through something nobody her age should have gone through.”
Mena? What do you think?.
I… don’t know. You’ve got more experience with her than I do.
Barely.
She did help us with Sapphire, and didn’t tell Raven about you asking her to spy on her parents.
Sunset knew she had a point, but was still unsure.
… but can we really trust her? She’s Raven’s eyes and ears after all. And I don’t want to talk to her about it. It's not like she’d understand.
Sunset ignored the frustration coming through their bond as she addressed Dawn Wings.
“Well, don’t worry. I’m fine, and I don’t want to talk about it. So please go away.”
A disquieting silence fell over the table. Sunset prayed for Dawn Wings to see the light and leave. She wanted to get back to her game, and yet she didn't move, instead flashing her that same sympathetic glance.
“Sunset, nobody who’s gone through what you’ve gone through is ‘fine.’ Trust me, I know.”
Sunset felt her temper beginning to rise. She didn’t know why, but the temerity of Dawn Wings claiming she understood what she went through caused her anger to bloom into full blaze.
“You ‘know?’ How could you possibly ‘know’ what happened to me? What I went through?” Sunset growled, ignoring Philomena’s worried sendings.
“More than you realize.”
“Well maybe I’m not like everyone else. Maybe I actually can handle it. Maybe I don’t need your ‘concern.’ So, do me and my friends a favor, take your worthless ‘concern,’ and fly yourself to the moon!”
To her growing frustration, Dawn Wings refused to budge. Instead, she leant back in her chair, folding her arms behind her head.
“Dreaming night-lover,” Sunset grumbled, trying to ignore Dawn Wings and get back to the game.
Only to stop when she saw her friends.
They were giving her looks that reminded her far too much of the ones they’d given her when Sapphire had exposed her for being a foundling.
It wasn’t disgust, but something very close to it, mixed with a bit of fear and worry.
“What?” Sunset snapped at the two Easterners.
Neither replied. Instead, they turned their attention to the tiles, refusing to meet her glare. Sunset prepared to press them when Dawn Wings chimed in.
“Girls,” Dawn Wings said. There was something familiar in her tone. In a way, it reminded her of how Tender Heart would talk when she wanted obedience, “why don’t you go see if you can find Roseluck? I think Sunset and I need a few minutes. Alone.”
“I told you nothing’s wrong! I’m fine!” Sunset shouted angrily, wheeling around on the spy-mistresss. “Lily. Daisy. You stay right there!”
“Sunset, maybe…” Daisy started.
“Daisy, shut your night-touched mouth! I didn’t ask for your input or your opinion! I don’t want, or need, her Chaos-tainted help, so will you kindly stay out of it!” Sunset snarled, breathing heavily as she glared at her friends.
Another awkward silence fell across the table. Then, Lily and Daisy’s features slowly warped into deep worry, with a touch of growing anger.
Before she could say another word, both earth-weavers pushed away from the table and stood, the sound of their chairs scraping on the ground painfully in Sunset’s ears.
“We’ll see you in a little while, Sunset,” Daisy said, pushing her chair in.
“Yea,” Lily said. She did the same, before bowing to Dawn Wings. “Light’s gifts to you, ma’am.”
“What!? Lily?! Daisy?! Where are you going?”
Her friends turned, and she felt a wave of dread run up her back. Where the anger had been subtle before, it was now blatant. A pit formed in her stomach, growing deeper as it dawned on her that she may have just crossed a line.
“We’ll see you in a little while, Sunset,” Daisy repeated. Then, she and Lily turned and began to walk away.
As the two earth-weavers passed through the line of prominence knights, Sunset could feel beads of hot liquid beginning to well up in the corners of her eyes. Her breathing became shallow, her lungs tightening as the reality of what she’d done came crashing down on her.
They left me? They left me! Mena, they left me! Sunset sent desperately.
Philomena’s only response was a wave of sadness, frustration, disappointment…
And disgust.
Mena, not you too!
Sunset, they were just worried about you.
Well, they didn’t need to be! I’m fine! I’m fine!
The feelings of doubt and concern coming through the bond told her Philomena’s opinion clearer than any sending.
“You!” Sunset growled as she turned on Dawn Wings. “You did that on purpose!”
She fixed Dawn Wings with a withering glare. One that the sky-runner took, completely unphased.
“You tricked me into yelling at my friends! So they'd get mad at me, and... and... and leave me here with you!”
Dawn Wings shook her head slowly.
“No, Sunset, you did that all on your own,” Dawn Wings said in that tone that reminded Sunset far too much of Tender Heart, the memory of her rotting corpse forcing it’s way into her mind. “And the fact that you can’t see that means that you’re not okay. Sunset, please, talk to me.”
Sunset stood up, knocking her chair to the ground and sending Philomena scrambling into the air. She was too enraged to notice or care about the angry sendings coming through their bond.
“Leave me alone!" she screamed. "I don't need - or want - yours or anyone's help! I don’t want to talk about it with anyone, especially not you!”
“Okay, you don’t need to talk about it,” Dawn Wings placated. “But you can.”
“And why would I do that?” Sunset shot back, Philomena’s sendings shifting from annoyed to worried. “None of you actually care. I’m just… I’m just piece in your stupid game!”
“I understand why you think that,” Dawn Wings said with a morose shake of her head. “But that’s not true. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have come here like this.”
Something about the way that Dawn Wings kept pretending to care made her blood run hotter than magma.
Sunset, please. Stop.
Mena, stay out of this! Peripherally, Sunset was aware as Philomena flew away, tucking herself in a nearby tree. The hurt and sadness filled their bond like a well.
“No you don’t understand! And you don’t care! If you cared, you would have done your night-loving job and kept those Chaos-worshiping monsters from poisoning me! You say you and your stupid Eyes exist to protect Solaria? Well, you certainly aren’t very good at it if the Cult can get to me so easily!”
Resting her elbows on her knees, Dawn Wings laced her fingers together and rested her forehead on them.
“You’re right. Nightcrawler did beat me and the Eyes,” Dawn Wings sighed. “And that is going to haunt me the rest of my life.”
“So you don’t care! Some ‘spy-master’ you are! I bet you and your Eyes were too busy out playing during the festival to actually do your jobs! Well, drink seawater you incompetent, cloud brained, goat…”
“Twelve.”
That one simple word. The calm, dispassionate way it was spoken. Yet the force behind that single syllable slammed into Sunset’s thoughts like a blast of cold, southern air.
“Twelve!? Twelve what!?” Sunset shouted, recovering her wits.
“That’s how many assassination and kidnapping attempts we stopped while you were at the festival,” Dawn Wings said flatly.
Sunset was peripherally aware of a feeling of horror coming from Philomena, but pressed on.
“Bull-balls! If there were twelve attempts, I would have noticed them!”
“No, you wouldn’t.” Dawn Wings shook her head. “We made sure of that so you could enjoy your time with your friends.”
“Sounds like more lies. Why didn’t Roseluck or Raven tell me?”
“Would you have as much fun as you did if they had?”
“What sort of questions are those?”
“Exactly the kind of question you need to hear. If Roseluck, Raven or I told you that there were sun-gazers out in the festival that wanted to kidnap or kill you, would you have had fun with your friends?”
“Of course I would!”
“Really?” Dawn Wings replied in that infuriatingly maternal tone. “So you wouldn’t be looking over your shoulder the entire time, waiting for an attack?”
“I-”
Sunset’s retort was cut off by a powerful shove and a wave of hot anger slamming through the bond.
Mena, what the Night was that for?
Sunset, stop it! You were about to tell her it wouldn’t change anything. Well, sun-butt, that’s a cart of pig offal. It would. You know it. I know it. You just don’t want to admit it.
You don’t know that!
Yes I do! I know you as well as you know me. And she’s right: the only reason you had as much fun as you did was because you weren’t scared for your life.
Sunset didn’t respond. She couldn’t. She hated that deep down, she knew Philomena was right. But she wasn’t about to admit it. And from the look on Dawn Wings’ face, she had a feeling the sky-runner knew what was going on in her head.
“So you stopped a bunch of assassins and kidnappers. Big deal. If you were so good at your job, then how did Nightcrawler get to me?”
Dawn's face fell, and she let out a low, unhappy grunt.
“He used a very un-Nightcrawler-esque plan.”
The oddness of the statement left Sunset stunned.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Sunset,” Dawn Wings said as she leaned forward and looked Sunset in the eyes, “since the Skellweb Crisis, Nightcrawler has almost always preferred shock attacks. While that thing’s almost as tactically competent as General Sentry or Commander Spitfire, he rarely changes his strategy. Even if he can survive contact with the sun, his undead can’t. So he strikes quickly from Skellweb, then retreats back underground before dawn. He’s patient, and will wait for the best opportunity, but he rarely diverges from the same channel.”
Dawn Wings paused.
“All of the intelligence we’d gathered said he was planning to blitz the city during the festival. Kill as many sun-gazers and kirintal as possible, including you and the other phoenix born. As much as I hate to give Sentry any sort of credit, he was very well prepared to repel that sort of attack. Now we know that was a distraction to keep us from looking for the cultists in Rose’s Blossom. Cultists that spent over twenty years working their way into a position where they could target the newest phoenix-born. You.”
Sunset went silent, turning Dawn Wings’ explanation over and over in her mind, all the while trying to ignore the ever present disapproval coming from Philomena.
“You should have known,” Sunset finally said, though her fury had died back to embers.
“We got out maneuvered, Sunset,” Dawn Wings sighed. “As the saying goes, ‘nobody expects a long in the mountains, or a linnorm in the sea.’”
Sunset felt conflicted. Part of what Dawn Wings was saying made sense. But the memories from the ulmuri or what she went through when Roseluck purified her of Chaos wouldn’t let her. And the woman responsible for letting it happen was right in front of her, trying to justify her failure.
“And I almost died because you fell for his trick. Some ‘protector of Solaria’ you and your Eyes are. You and Raven. At least Sentry and Spitfire have an excuse because they’re idiots. You act all high and mighty, but when it comes down to it, you’re just a pair of failures.”
A third crushing silence settled over the table. Dawn Wings said nothing as she just looked at Sunset. Then, closing her eyes and leaning her head back, she took a slow, deep breath. Sunset braced herself mentally for more of Dawn Wings’ excuses. Maybe the spy-mistress would claim that she did her best, and it just wasn’t enough. Or that it wasn’t her fault. Anything to escape responsibility for the mistake she made. Or try to pass off why she couldn’t gather intelligence on Nightcrawler.
And she wasn’t going to buy it.
“If you need to hate me Sunset, I get it.”
And just like that, she was completely thrown from her river of thought.
Of all the things Dawn Wings could have said, she had never expected it to be that. But it wasn’t just what Dawn Wings had said. It was the resignation in her voice that caused something in Sunset to pause.
Sunset softened her next demand. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I get it. You’re hurting. You’re angry. You’re scared. You think that nobody can understand what you’re going through. And you’re looking for something, anything, to blame. I’ve been there more times than I want to remember…”
Sunset's old rage rekindled. Dawn had no idea what it was she'd gone through.
“How in the Sun’s name could you possibly have ‘been there?’ What makes you think anything you’ve gone through was like what I did?”
“I’ve watched my husband and children die, Sunset.”
Everything crashed around her.
The delusions, the fantasies, the blame.
Never, not once had she heard Dawn use such a hard, cold tone. Less ice, more unforgiving iron. It - and Dawn Wing's pained expression - doused her fire utterly.
Mena, did I hear that right?
I don’t know. Did you? I wasn’t really paying attention since you told me to stay out of it.
Sunset winced at Philomena sending, along with feelings of hurt the came through their bond.
Look, I’m sorry.
Philomena’s anger abated, only to be replaced by indignation.
It was a start, at least.
Could you send that again? I don’t think it came through right.
I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have snapped at you.
You’re right. You shouldn’t have, Philomena sent curtly, before her tone shifted to her normal, far friendlier one. But I’m pretty sure you heard her right.
Dreaming darkness…
“You had kids and a husband?” Sunset asked contritely.
“Still do,” Dawn Wings said, her voice returning to its normal tone. “Cloud Chaser and I’ve been married for twenty years. Got two kids: one girl, one boy. My son’s about your age.”
Once again, Sunset’s river of thought was diverted, making her go from concerned to confused. Dawn Wings had just said that she’d watched her family die. But they were alive?
“I thought you said they were dead,” Sunset said softly.
“Not quite, kiddo. I said I watched them die.”
Normally, Sunset would have flared up, but the contradiction in Dawn's words held her focus.
Her family was dead. But they were alive. How could they be dead and alive…
...at the same time.
Kindling smoked, then ignited.
“You were given ulmuri?” Sunset gasped.
“No ul’muri for me, kiddo. But fungus and mint cocktails aren’t the only way you can end up like that. Plain old shadow magic can do it too,” Dawn Wings said leaning back and resting her arms across her stomach. “First time I saw Chaser die was when I was a rookie, right after we got married. My team and I were tracking a specter near the northern border. I got careless and was spotted. She hit me with a hex that made me think she was my man. Almost got close enough to slit my throat when my team spotted her and put a bullet through her head.”
Dawn Wings paused in her story, clenching her fists onto her sleeves and taking a deep breath.
“I would’ve shot them if the illusion hadn’t shattered. When we got back home, I was so happy to see him I almost dragged him off to a cloud to show him just how happy I was to see him,” Dawn Wings said, blushing towards the end.
Pausing, she took a few deep breaths as she composed herself.
“Another time was when my baby boy was about two. That time I was just east of Huckleberry Valley. Over a dozen people went missing, and the locals couldn’t figure out what was doing it. We thought it might be the Endless Decay. Found out the hard way that it was an illusimiae that had developed a taste for sun-gazers. The thing started setting illusion crystals near a few popular berry collecting patches. I set one off, and just like that, I find myself back home, house on fire and my family trapped inside screaming for me to save them.”
“And did you?” Sunset asked.
“No, the illusion wasn’t so kind. Lucky me, I’d learned how to recognize them, so I broke out before the big monkey came to have fresh Dawn Wings tartare.” The older woman’s expression softened as she looked down at Sunset. “There are plenty more I could tell you about, but you get the idea. So, yes, I promise I do understand. Might not have been ul’muri, but it’s close enough.”
“I… guess you do get it, don’t you,” Sunset admitted.
“Yes, I do,” Dawn Wings said softly, reaching over and placing a hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “Unfortunately, fear is a very good weapon. So it's going to get used against you. Magically or otherwise.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do that? It seems… I don’t know… wrong. Cowardly.”
That odd, half smile began to creep up Dawn Wings’ face, and she nodded a couple of times before saying, “Kiddo, one person’s cowardice is another person’s survival. I get called a coward by earthlings for using these to my advantage,” Dawn Wings flexed her wings and pointed at them with a thumb, “but I’d rather be called that than be dead.”
“Does it get any easier? Seeing stuff like that?” Sunset asked reluctantly.
“I’m afraid not.”
“Oh.” Sunset wilted. “How do you deal with it then? The hurt?”
“Learning how to tell the illusion from the real world. It’ll always hurt when it happens. But after a few times, it's easier to burn off the lies,” Dawn Wings said solemnly. “It just takes time.”
Sunset curled in on herself, grabbing her elbows with a sniffle.
“But… I keep seeing it. I keep seeing them. Over and over in my mind. And it hurts. It hurts so much.”
“I know.”
“I just want it to stop. Every time it just comes back. Again and again. The memories. The pain, both of the vision, and the purification.” Sunset was on the verge of tears. “…I just want it to stop.”
The sound of ruffling feathers tickled Sunset’s ears as Dawn Wings rose from her seat and kneeled down, opening her arms invitingly. Slowly rising from her chair, Sunset let Dawn Wings wrap her in a hug with both her arms and wings.
“I just want it to stop!” Sunset cried.
“I know, kiddo. I know,” Dawn Wings said, rubbing Sunset’s back, the envelope of her feathers making Sunset feel warm and protected. Just like when Rainbow hugged her. “I can’t say it will ever go away completely. But I promise it’ll get better. It’ll just take time. And I’ll be there for you, if you’ll let me.”
“Really?”
“Of course. It’s what friends do.”
A nasty, wiggling, ball of guilt settled into Sunset’s guts.
“I wasn’t a very good friend earlier.”
“I know. But I can handle it. I’ve raised a couple of headstrong little sky-runners. You’re going to have to up your intensity if you want to make me ignite.”
“Is that a challenge?” Sunset said with a wet laugh, hugging Dawn Wings a little tighter.
“I don’t know, do you think it's a good idea to mouth off to someone who can get to your cider?”
“I told you to stay away from that,” Sunset laughed again, her chest lighter.
“Stay on my good side and maybe I’ll consider it,” Dawn Wings said, before her voice turned solemn again. “I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.”
“Mistakes?”
“After my run in with that specter I was so afraid of losing Chaser that I got paranoid. Let's just say that he gave me a wake-up call when I started turning into a raging petroquine.”
“Can’t imagine you as a raging petroquine,” Sunset chuckled. “Now a drunken one? Sure.”
“Ouch, how ever shall I recover from such a deep burn. But, I did get pretty awful. Started to do things that I’m not proud of to keep him ‘safe.’ I thought ‘if this is to protect Chaser, it’s okay.’ In the end, it nearly cost me my position, and my Cloud Chaser. That kicked the cloud away from the sun, let me tell you.”
With a sigh, Dawn Wings pulled Sunset a little closer.
“Point is, you don’t have to do this alone. Or as alone as someone with a bird in their brain can be. I’m here for you, okay? So are your friends,” Dawn Wings said, then went quiet. Sunset could almost feel the thoughts burning in the sky-runner’s mind. “Tell me, would you like to see your oath-sisters?”
Sunset flinched, as the memories of her real, happy life mixed with those of her hallucination. The despair, as they made it clear in no uncertain terms, she was cut from their oath.
“I… I don’t know,” she finally admitted. “I do. But I don’t. I want to see them. But I’m afraid that if I do, it’ll be like the visions. That they’ll want me gone.”
“I can promise you don’t have to worry about that.”
“I know… doesn’t change that I’m scared.”
“I know, kiddo. I know. But, what if they don’t want you gone? Wouldn’t that help make it better?”
“I… it might. But how? They can’t make the trip, and I don’t think Raven’s going to let me leave Mt. Liakeed again for a long time.”
“Let me worry about that,” Dawn Wings said, running her fingers through Sunset’s living flame. “I’m sure I can convince Raven to make it happen. And if I can’t, I have a few favors I can call in.”
Once again, Sunset's mind became an emotional battlefield, the joy of getting to see her oath-sisters, and the way she'd treated Dawn vying for dominance.
“You… you’d do that for me?” Sunset asked, voice nervous and hopeful.
“Yes, I will.”
“But why?”
“Because I care, you silly little girl. And I don’t want to see you go down the road that I almost did. Unlike me, you’re going to potentially have an eternity to regret your choices, and I’d rather not die knowing I created a new General Sentry. Can you do that for me?”
Pressing her face into the fabric of Dawn Wings’ blouse, Sunset mumbled.
“I’ll try.”
*****
Warm steam wafted up around Sunset like a thin, low hanging cloud, obscuring her vision and filling her nostrils with the scent of sulfur. She sat at the edge of the main hot spring pool, her feet dangling in the water as she gently preened Philomena. Dawn Wings had vanished not long ago, saying she wanted to be gone by the time Roseluck and Sunset’s friends got back. Sunset had mixed feelings about Dawn Wings leaving, but hadn’t protested. As much as she wanted to spend more time talking with the spy-mistress, she needed a little time alone with her bondmate to process everything they’d discussed.
Only to be pulled out of her musings when she heard the sound of someone approaching. The sound made Sunset’s heart sink a little when she focused on them. There was only one pair of footsteps. Someone bigger. Adult.
Glancing towards the noise, she saw Roseluck and Amara approaching.
Without her friends.
‘Fire and light,’ Sunset thought as what she saw sunk in.
Guess they’re mad at me, Sunset sent as she offered her arm to Philomena.
To be fair, Philomena sent, you were a brat.
Philomena climbed atop the offered arm, moving to Sunset's shoulder as she brought her near.
Don’t remind me, Sunset sent, floating out of the water and into the air, using a tendril of her living flame to dry her legs.
You’re going to have to apologize to them when you see them, Philomena sent as Sunset landed and slipped her shoes back on.
Don’t remind me! Sunset sent with an irritated push, only to get a wave of smugness from Philomena.
Giving Philomena an irritated, sidelong glance, Sunset began walking to meet Roseluck. To Sunset’s relief, the archduchess didn’t look angry, or disappointed, or anything that might make her think that she was in trouble. So, maybe Lily and Daisy hadn’t told her about what had happened.
Then why weren’t they with Roseluck?
“Good afternoon, Roseluck,” Sunset said as she reached the archduchess. She wanted to ask where her friends were. What they’d told her. But, she couldn’t think of how to broach the subject. Not without admitting she'd messed up. So she chose the only thing she could think to say that wasn’t an admission of some sort.
A simple, harmless greeting. That was the best bone to roll.
To her relief, Roseluck knelt down to her level, placing a hand on her shoulder.
“Hello, Sunset. How are you doing? Any residual pain? Weakness?”
“A little,” Sunset said. “The hotspring helped though.”
“I knew it would. I saw your friends a little while ago. Said you had a visitor. Something about a ‘strange sky-runner that they could have sworn they’d met somewhere before suddenly showing up out of nowhere to talk to you about what happened.’ Is that right?”
Sunset’s chest grew tight and a chill ran up her spine.
“Yes, that’s right,” Sunset said nervously. “What else did they tell you?”
“That you yelled at them.”
“And…” Sunset asked with a nervous gulp.
“And that they needed some time before they wanted to see you again.”
With a defeated sigh, Sunset’s head and shoulders slumped down.
“Dreaming darkness…”
“Sunset, mind your language.”
“Sorry, Roseluck,” Sunset whimpered, unable to meet the archduchess’s gaze. “How mad were they?”
“A little. More hurt and worried than mad. But, you should probably apologize when you see them again.”
“Fire and light…” Sunset said, looking down at her shoes, “I really messed up, didn’t I?”
“You did,” Roseluck said. “But, I talked to them after they found me.”
“And?” Sunset asked, a small glimmer of hope forming in her chest.
“And they said that they understand why you lost your temper, but they need time before they can see you without saying something they’ll regret too.”
“Well, it’s something, I guess.”
“Friends fight sometimes. You think Raven and I always agree on everything?”
I guess I never thought of it like that, Sunset sent, receiving a feeling of encouragement in return.
“No, I suppose not.”
“Then just give them some air, and apologize when you see them again.”
“Right,” Sunset sighed.
“Now, about your visitor. Was it Dawn Wings?”
Sunset nodded. “Yes, it was. How’d you know.”
“Your friends had a hard time describing anything about her other than ‘she was a sky-runner.’ Dawn Wings is remarkably hard to remember if she doesn’t want to be.”
A weak laugh managed to work its way out of Sunset’s throat as she thought back to her second encounter with the spy-mistress.
“It's almost like she’s got shadow magic or something.”
“Fire and light, no,” Roseluck laughed. “Could you imagine? She’s just very good at being forgettable if she wants to be.”
“That’s a relief. I had a hard enough time wrapping my head around the kirintal stags using shadows.”
“I don’t even want to imagine,” Roseluck laughed again, filling Sunset’s heart with warmth. “So did talking with her help?”
“It did. Not much, but it did.”
“That’s good,” Roseluck said, before her voice turned serious. “However, I’m afraid we’ve got something else to discuss.”
“Such as?” Sunset asked, her anxiety rising again. Thankfully, Philomena sent feelings of support as she rubbed up against the side of Sunset’s head.
“Nothing you have to worry about,” Roseluck reassured her. “After Dylis, Vestian and General Sentry finished disposing of the Chaos-taint, we met with the others to decide whether or not you should be sent back to Mt. Liakeed.”
“That sounds exactly like something I should worry about,” Sunset said, before adding nervously. “So… what did you decide?”
“We decided that you should be the one to choose.”
“What? Really?”
“Yes, Sunset.”
“Well, I want to…” Sunset began to say, only for Roseluck to place a finger on her lips.
“Just a moment. I said we’d let you choose, but this can’t be a flash decision. We need to discuss what your choice will mean, both for you and Solaria.”
“But you said it was my choice!” Sunset protested.
“I did,” Roseluck said warmly, giving Sunset’s shoulder a squeeze, “but, it needs to be an informed choice. Like it or not, the decision you make will have consequences.”
“Roseluck, why? Why are you doing this? I… I… why are you making me think about this?”
“Because,” Roseluck said, “after everything you went through, we need to let you do this. I’m not stopping you from making a choice. I’m helping you make a good one, rather than a rash one.”
Sunset let out a low, tired sigh through her nose. Allowing her frustration to flow towards Philomena, she felt support in return.
“Okay, fine, we’ll do it your way,” Sunset said. “Can we sit down before we do this at least.”
“Of course. Do you want to stay here, or go somewhere else?”
“How about under the trees over there,” Sunset asked, pointing to a small grove of cedars near the pools.
“That sounds nice,” Roseluck smiled.
As the two of them walked over, Sunset opened her link with Philomena even wider, sending feelings of distress and worry as the memories of her ulmuri induced hallucinations came flooding back. Memories that it was her decisions that had doomed Golden Tree and her loved ones. Philomena tried sending feelings of reassurance and comfort, but they did little to stop her thoughts from whorling out of control.
What if she messed up?
What if she made the wrong choice?
Could she even make the right one?
Was there a right one?
Was any choice she made doomed to fail?
A sharp, angry push came through the link, along with a nip to her ear. One not hard enough to break the skin or draw blood, but strong enough to snap her out of her spiraling thoughts.
“Ow!” Sunset said, while sending, Mena, what in the name of the Sun was that for?
Getting you to stop before you drove yourself crazy.
You didn’t need to bite me!
It was either that or smack you with a wing. Sunset, you were about to ignite. I had to do something to extinguish it!
You could have chosen something else!
It got you to stop, didn’t it?
“Is something wrong, Sunset?” Roseluck asked.
“Not really,” Sunset said as she glared at Philomena from the corner of her eye. “Mena just wanted to see what I tasted like.”
Both Roseluck and Amara glanced at one another, before the former looked over her shoulder at Sunset.
“I see,” Roseluck said, though she sounded more amused than convinced. “Philomena, please don’t eat your bondmate. She’s not a food.”
Philomena let out a soft, irritated trill of acknowledgement, continuing to match Sunset’s glare.
Eventually, the four of them settled down, Sunset and Roseluck sitting on a low stone slab below the boughs of the cedar tree, while Philomena and Amara decided to perch in one of the lower branches near their bondmates.
“So…” Sunset said slowly, hoping to seize the initiative in the conversation, “you said you’d help me make a ‘good decision’ about whether to stay or go back to Mt. Liakeed.”
“That’s the idea,” Roseluck said as she smoothed her dress. “What were you going to say your choice was before?”
“That I wanted to stay.”
Roseluck nodded, her expression turning serious. “Then we’ll start there. If you were to stay, it’d do a lot to improve your standing, especially with my people and Raven’s allies in Heliopolis. It would also do quite a lot to… patch up your early poor impression with the kirintal. But, you’d still be at risk of Nightcrawler making another attempt on your life. Even if the ul’muri failed, he may have other plans. So, you wouldn’t be going out to the festival as freely as before. And, you wouldn’t be allowed to eat anything that doesn’t come directly from my gardens, just in case that undead Chaos-spawn tries the same trick again.”
“Sounds like you don’t want me to stay,” Sunset muttered.
Roseluck shook her head.
“What I want doesn’t matter here, Sunset. You need to understand the risks and benefits if you’re going to make this decision. I’m helping you do that.”
“So then what about going back to Heliopolis?”
“The biggest benefit would be your safety. But, it would be a breach of our promise to the kirintal, so it would damage your reputation and strain our relationship with them even further. And, it would also give the likes of Duchess Rich and her allies more tinder to feed their attacks on your reputation. Raven and I would do what we could to mitigate both, but there’s only so much that we can do.”
Sunset allowed Roseluck’s explanations to swirl around in her mind, her own thoughts tumbling about the vortex.
“Neither of those sound like they’re very good options,” she said.
“I know. But, life rarely gives us obvious solutions to our problems. Usually, you just have to choose the one that you feel is best,” Roseluck said. “Of course, the best choice may not be the easiest one. It rarely is.”
“So how do you make those choices?”
“It’s not easy,” Roseluck said. “Just, please, think about it a bit.”
Why do I feel that ‘letting me choose’ was a way for Raven to sneak a lesson in? Sunset sent, leaning back and looking into the tree’s branches to meet Philomena’s eyes.
Could be, Philomena sent noncommittally.
Sunset sent a light, annoyed push through their bond, earning a wave of smuggness in return.
I just get the feeling that there’s only one real choice to make. If we leave, Spoiled, and her allies…
Like Blueblood and Sapphire’s parents?
Yes, like Blueblood and Sapphire’s parents, are going to go after us. And… I need to fix my mess with Lily and Daisy. And the kirintal. How can I be a good friend if I just run off without making it right. Both with them, and for Roseluck.
Sunset stopped her sendings, letting her thoughts gather.
I… I’m scared. Roseluck says Nightcrawler and his cultists could come after us again. Sunset found herself trembling a little as she thought about the attack. And how many thwarted attempts Dawn Wings claimed to have stopped in addition to the successful one. They already got to us once. They could do it again. But if I leave, I’m giving the Heliopolans the knife they need to slit my throat… and if not me, then Golden Tree and my family. I can’t let that happen.
So we’re staying?
Yes, Mena. If these are the ingots I’ve got to work with, then I’m going to make the best of them, Sunset sent as she said, “Roseluck, I'm going to stay.”
Roseluck smiled in a way that made the world seem all that much brighter, before pulling Sunset into a hug.
“I’m so happy to hear that.”