//------------------------------//
// Chapter 8 
// Story: Moonbound 
// by Warmblood 
//------------------------------//

	Twilight awakes with a groan, annoyed, that all of her aches from yesterday still remain. She opens her eyes and squints at the bright light that already fills the room. She wets her dried-out lips and heaves a wide yawn while she squeezes her eyelids firmly shut. A persistent ache still bothers her eyes, but it isn’t as bad as last night. She blinks a few times, trying to get some moisture into her eyes. She rubs them with her hooves, but doing so doesn’t help either. In fact it makes them feel even worse. Now they burn fiercely, and still ache unabated.

“Ugh.” She groans as she plops her front hooves down on the covers, still trying to blink away the tiredness from her eyes. She stretches out her legs, then winces at the audible popping sound emanating from her joints. There’s an annoying pain in her back, but even as she tries to twist and turn to relieve it, she just can’t quite get a satisfying crack from it. She gives up and rests her head on the pillow again, staring up at the blank white ceiling.

Only then does everything flood back into her mind. The events of the past few days, Princess Luna, Celestia, the secret she now knows, and the uncertainty of what will come next. For a few moments she had been free of it all, and simply cared about waking up and feeling comfort. But she couldn’t hide from reality or the responsibility she feels. She had accidentally uncovered a secret no one else knows. Except Celestia of course, Twilight thinks. The Princess knows, but hides from the responsibility. She denies her crime based on the pretext that it was for the greater good. 

Twilight frowns as she thinks of the conflict once again. I’ll have to deal with Celestia today. I’ll have to deal with her nagging injustice every day from now on. Will my first thought every morning be how to expose Celestia? How to win over my former friends? Or how I didn’t save Luna?

She stares, simply stares with wide open eyes, at the ceiling. She sees nothing in particular but a vision of her future flashing before her. For several minutes she does not move, lost in her thoughts. Suddenly, with a violent kick, she flings off the covers. She immediately gets to the side of the bed, stands up and strides single-mindedly to her desk. With her magic she picks up a brush and quickly arranges her mane into something close to a respectable state.  After just a moment she flings the brush down and before it has a chance to slide to a stop, she starts towards the door. 

When she opens it, she finds a guard pony in ceremonial armor. He isn’t a pony she had seen before, but many guard ponies looked so similar she couldn’t be sure. He dips his white head at her in greeting. His light blue eyes are cool, assessing, but non-threatening.

“Good morning Miss Sparkle.” He says as though he is just a doorman at an inn. 

“Yes, sure.” She quickly brushes off his greeting. “Look, I’m starving! Where can I get some breakfast?”

He smiles ever so slightly. “It’s closer to lunch time, but if you would just follow me I’ll show you where you can find something to eat.”

Twilight isn’t surprised that he asks her to follow him. All the easier to keep tabs on her. But she doesn’t worry about it immediately. Her main concern at the moment is food. She really is famished. Hunger had the power to get her out of her reverie and up out of bed. There is simply no way she can deny it.

The halls are quiet as she follows the guard. She sees few ponies stirring, other than a number of guard ponies who patrol the grounds of the palace. As they pass, the other guards tend to eye her with curiosity, rather than animosity, Twilight notes. It would seem that Celestia has not yet informed the rest of her guards of the situation between Twilight and her. Interesting, Twilight thinks, does that mean she’s wavering in her decision, or does she think she can convince me to help her? Either way, at least I’m not being dragged away kicking and screaming. That’s a good sign.

She’s distracted by her stomach rumbling so loudly she worries she might hear it echo from the walls. Twilight glances at the guard with her ears back and a self conscious smile on her face, hoping he didn’t hear that. If he did, he didn’t give any sign.

Twilight’s guard eventually turns and opens the door to a dining hall she can recall visiting a few times before. He motions for her to step in. When she does, she is immediately surprised by what she sees.

“Spike!” She exclaims upon seeing the little dragon standing on a chair, leaning across a wide table for a golden brown pastry bun that is one among many treats stacked on platters full of breakfast food. Judging by the volume of crumbs on his plate, it isn’t his first treat of the meal. Behind him, high latticed windows framed by white drapes let in the mid-morning light. On hearing her voice, he looks over, but, as Twilight notes, he continues reaching towards the pastries.

“Twilight!” He takes a moment to transfer the bun to his plate. “Well it’s about time!” He says, puffed up in mock anger. “Why did you leave so quickly, and why did I have to take a cart all the way up here? That’s right, I had to hitchhike to get here!” He says. “What do I smell or something? You totally ditched me!” Twilight is quite familiar with his tone of voice. It means he’s just being his usual self and complaining to anypony that would listen. She sidesteps his questions for the moment.

“Oh, I’m sorry we left you behind, Spike. But I’m really glad to see you! “ Spike tries to wave her off, then gave up and braced himself as she rushes over and envelops him in a bear hug. 

He sighs. “I’m glad to see you too, Twilight.” He still sounds as though he wants to begrudge the point that everyone had left him behind, but he accepts her gesture nonetheless and he wraps his arms around her neck in return. A few moments later he starts to squirm in her grasp. “Uh, hey, do you mind letting go already? You’re kind of crushing me.”

Twilight lets him go. “Sorry about that, Spike. It just seems like it’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other.”

“It’s only been a couple days…” He eyes her with an eyebrow up.

Twilight gave out a combination of a sigh and a grunt. “I know. Everpony’s been telling me that lately.”

“Hmm,” Spike muses. “Are you okay? You look tired.” 

“Yes Spike, I’m fine. More or less.” She walks to the opposite side of the table, where she finds a convenient seat.

“More or less?” He questions.

“Just tired, never mind.” She turns her attention to the food on the table. It looks rather like a banquet to her, although she knows from experience that Canterlot breakfasts never lack for variety and flavor. For her though, the appearance of so much food feels like a small miracle. She shovels several donuts, cinnamon buns, and oatcakes onto her plate until she constructs a pyramid of baked treats. She takes the place opposite Spike and begins wolfing down a jelly donut, smiling as the flavor fills her mouth and the hunger starts to subside. 

“Right…” Spike adds skeptically as he watches her gulp down her food. “So you know what the strangest thing was, there wasn’t a moon for at least the last two nights?” Twilight pauses for a moment, about to take a bite from another donut. She glances up at him, continues eating. Spike hadn’t noticed, as he was busy articulating his speech with gestures. “It was so dark you couldn’t see anything! Not even your hand in front of your face. Like this, see!” He waves his hand in front of his eyes.

His joviality ends abruptly and his voice takes on a more serious tone. “Ponies are saying that Princess Luna’s sick, and no one’s seen her for the past week. Is that why you had to come here so quick, Twilight?”

She took a moment to swallow a mouthful of food before she speaks. In that time she carefully selects the right words for her explanation. “Yes, that’s pretty much it. I’ve seen Luna, but I shouldn’t say too much. Princess Celestia doesn’t want us to give anything away.” She figures it might be best to shift responsibility to the Princess.  Twilight doubts Spike would question the Princess’s orders. Which in a way, she thought, was precisely the problem with most of her friends.

“Ah, secrets!” Spike’s expression brightens. “Are you sure you can’t tell me more? I won’t tell anyone.” He winks.

“No, I really shouldn’t.”

Spike sighs. “Okay, fine. Can you at least tell me how long it’ll be before Princess Luna gets better?”

“I, um…” Twilight realizes that if he doesn’t hear it from her, Spike will eventually get the news from somepony else. “The thing is Spike, I don’t think I can help her.”

“What? You can do practically anything! Why can’t you help Luna? Is there something I can do? I’d be glad to help any way I can. Like maybe I could find some books in the library or something.”

Twilight silently gives him a soul-searching look.  She doesn’t doubt he meant what he said, but his vehemence in asking to be put to work surprises her. 

“Spike, you’ve hardly met Princess Luna.”

“Well, maybe I don’t know her like I know you, but of course I still want to help her. She’s one of our Princesses. You can’t just refuse to help Celestia’s sister!” 

“But what if she were… I don’t know, hiding a dark secret? Or what if she was actually manipulative and cruel? Would you still want to help her then?”

Spike brushes aside her veiled criticisms, unaware they are aimed at Celestia rather than Luna. “Please, Twilight, I think we would’ve heard about it if she were a big meanie. Besides,” he said after picking up one more pastry, “she’s still our Princess. We’ve got to help her no matter what! Equestria needs the Princesses.”

Twilight thinks about what her little dragon said. Is royalty and idolism all that matters? To Spike the Princesses are idols to be worshiped. He seems to keep them on a high pedestal, well above the casual mortal pony. With that viewpoint, imperfection is impossible. 

Twilight realizes she once thought the same way he does now. She had perceived Princess Celestia as a flawless guardian of peace and harmony. The Princess had presided over much of her magical education, and she had helped her grow and make friends outside Canterlot. But Twilight knows she is no longer blind to the truth. Celestia and Luna are flawed, as vulnerable to emotion, fear and doubt as any other pony. It is as though a coat of whitewash has been removed from a wall, and beneath it she can see the cracks that undermine the structure.

“Okay, okay. Look Spike, I understand your enthusiasm, but the issue is more complicated than just finding a book or a scroll.” Twilight tells him.

“Hmm, I guess you’re probably…” Spike looks up and suddenly his eyes widen. “Princess Celestia!” Twilight spins around, and indeed, standing at the door is Princess Celestia. Spike smiles and immediately executes a well-practiced bow, while Twilight simply sits and observes, her thoughts conflicted.. 

The duality of Princess Celestia has been made clear to her. She could be kind, she had done much for Twilight personally, and yet Twilight now saw another side, manipulating and meddling, capable of erasing her sister’s memories without any admission of guilt. Perhaps that is why she feels annoyed by Spike’s obsequious gesture.  His bow shows that he respects her, he idolizes her. Twilight, on the other hand, did not move an inch. Where Spike sees an object of worship, a god-like being in the form of a white alicorn, Twilight sees flaws and imperfections stemming from an emotionally damaged pony, as fallible as anypony else. The fact that the truth is hidden, and those like Spike will never realize it is what stirs the most anger towards Celestia. Twilight wants to tell everyone that Celestia does not deserve to be worshiped. Far from being a god, she has failed her sister, and now failed her student. 

Princess Celestia addresses Spike in her typically regal tone. “Hello my dear Spike. I am sorry you were left behind. I hope your trip to Canterlot was a smooth one.” Twilight notes how effortlessly graceful she appears.

“Thank you, my Princess.” Spike spoke with reverence like a star struck foal. 

“If you do not mind too greatly, I would speak with Twilight alone for a few moments.”

Spike nods, understanding he’s receiving his cue to leave. “No problem, my Princess, I think I’ll see what everyone else is up to.” He grabs one last pastry from the table before hopping off the chair and heading for the door. He passes by Celestia, who gives him a kindly smiling glance. Twilight, meanwhile, glares at the Princess, trying to judge her intent. 

Celestia uses her magic to close the door after Spike leaves. Like the shedding of a cloak, she drops her pretense of regality. Her shoulders seem to slump down more than usual, she holds her head a little lower, and she blinks a few times as though her eyes are as tired as Twilight’s were when she first woke up. She glances at Twilight.

“Sleep well?” She asks.  Twilight doesn’t respond. Celestia sighs, her eyes downcast for a moment.  She returns to look Twilight in the eyes. “Spite only breeds spite, you know that don’t you?” 

That takes Twilight by surprise. She has to conceal a look of shock from appearing on her face. The Princess is being far more direct than usual, Twilight thought. She may be desperate. I should be very careful.  Celestia begins to walk, very deliberately, around the other side of the table. Twilight watches her very closely, somewhat intimidated by Celestia’s new approach. She leaves the rest of the food on the table untouched.

“I’m sorry, Twilight.” Celestia breathes, “Believe me, even if you do not believe any other word I say, I am sorry that I have put you through this. If there had been any other way, I never would have asked you to try. Even so, I dearly regret my decision. As I told you when you arrived, even I could not predict what you would see. I admit…” Celestia looks away from Twilight’s accusatory glare. “I admit this has brought back memories I would have rather forgot. Please, Twilight, just understand that I’m sorry.”

Twilight thinks for a moment before responding. “What do you want?”

Celestia sighs. “Well, I suppose I should be glad you are talking to me at all. Such a shame. Not long ago we were so close.” She pauses, as though collecting her thoughts. “Fine. You have seen past our shell. My sister and I are not perfect. I wish we could be, but we aren't. You know that we are as vulnerable as anypony else. So I will simply tell you the truth. I need my sister back.”

“You do not know this, for you had no way of seeing, nor did any other pony because I kept it a secret in my heart. For hundreds of years I awaited my sister’s return.” She speaks with a spark in her eyes, recalling her memories of times past. “The first few hundred years I ruled and life in Equestria continued on as it always had. Yet as the ages dragged on, I found it increasingly difficult to care about day to day life. Sometimes I had trouble even wanting to raise the sun.”

“You may have read about dark ages in the history books? Sometimes that took a more literal meaning than you know, Twilight.” 

“What eventually carried me through was the hope of being reunited with my sister. I dreamed that she might have changed in her exile, that she would have realized the error of her ways.  My fantasy was always of our return to Canterlot, together, happy, with love and peace throughout the land. It would have been beautiful Twilight. Can you imagine the sight of all the ponies of Canterlot, lining the streets, welcoming their united Princesses? The flags and pennons on the towers would stream like ribbons in the breeze, and the Palace would shine in the sun. Trust me, I had many years to think about it, I know every detail I put in place to welcome her home. I kept rooms in the Palace ready for her return. I never converted them to some other purpose.”

Celestia’s nostalgic smile fades. “You know what happened instead. She returned as Nightmare Moon, not the sister I remembered from our childhood. It was just as I had feared, and it appeared she fully intended to usurp control and plunge Equestria into darkness and despair. Fortunately I was not so blind to the possibility of Nightmare’s return that I neglected to prepare a defense.”

She nods to Twilight. “That’s where you come in. You found the Elements, and used them. What you did not know is that I had worked for many years, in the interim between Nightmare’s banishment and return, to channel the powerful magic of the elements. I searched the libraries and discovered records of spells even I had not known existed. Using this knowledge, I crafted a spell that would modify the effects of the Elements. Instead of banishing, or perhaps destroying the body and soul of Nightmare Moon, the spell separated Luna’s memories of Nightmare, and gave her new memories of a happy existence before the coming of Nightmare Moon.”

Celestia smiles, which momentarily stirs Twilight’s anger. “Thus I was able to welcome her back as a sister, and all she remembered was that something bad had happened. No details of what Nightmare Moon had done remained. She begged my forgiveness, and of course I granted it. Our homecoming was perhaps not so carefree as I would have wished it, but we were still able to return home as sisters, in harmony and peace.”

“So you see, these past few years have been the fulfillment of a dream I held for centuries. There were obstacles and challenges, certainly, but we overcame them together, as sisters, as it should have been…” Celestia trails off.

“Then Luna got sick.” Twilight adds, continuing Celestia’s train of thought.

“Yes,” Celestia breathes, “I saw the signs long before I called you. I told myself it would get better on its own. I reassured her that she would start feeling better soon. Then one night, she simply didn’t wake up. I… I can’t…” Celestia’s tongue stumbles. She walks to the table and sat down across from Twilight. Up close, Twilight can see dark circles below her eyes, even though her white coat did its best to hide them. She turns her head away from Twilight, sniffles, taking a deep breath through her mouth. She lowers her head to rub at an eye with her hoof, which has the effect of pointing her alicorn horn at Twilight. And yet, Twilight doesn’t feel threatened anymore. From experience, she could empathize. Losing a loved one is never painless.

“Um, do you want me to give you a minute?” Twilight asks. She’s conscious that Celestia’s emotion could in part be a ploy, but another part of her understands Celestia’s fear and pain.

“No! No, I wanted to talk to you, and I don’t think it matters anymore if you see me like this.” She sniffles and clears her throat. “Here, follow me,” she says, standing up and gesturing for Twilight to follow. Twilight decides to follow, partly out of sympathy, and partly curiosity. Within a few moments of stepping through the doorway, Twilight can guess where the Princess is taking her. 

Down the hall, up a flight of stairs, and three doors down is Luna’s room. Celestia follows this course precisely. At the doors, the guards take one look at her and open the door without a word.

The curtains are drawn, and in the dim light Twilight sees Luna, still and silent as ever, lying in her bed like the stone effigy on the face of a tomb. She can barely discern Luna’s breathing. As the door closes behind them, Celestia walks to the bedside with Twilight a few paces behind. Very gently, she touches Luna’s cheek with a hoof. Luna’s dark mane streams out alongside her neck. When Celestia drops her hoof from Luna’s cheek it plays among these strands for a moment. 

Celestia looks Twilight in the eye. “What I’m trying to tell you is, I just can’t lose her, Twilight. For the last five hundred years I’ve waited for her return. If she dies, I’m lost. I know you don’t agree with what I did, but please, you have to see, I need my sister back!”

Twilight’s conscience screams out to her. She could have stopped this if she had just found the spell. She could have saved Luna. No! The back of her mind shouts.  Be strong! The Luna you see is not the Luna that was. Celestia killed the old Luna and replaced her for her own benefit. You heard her, she wanted her childhood sister back! Well what about what Luna wanted? Luna was no child, and Celestia had no right to remake her into one again! Rationality took neither side. Equestria could survive the loss of one Princess, it has managed before. But if Celestia says she can’t go on without Luna’s companionship, we risk losing both. What would happen then? Will all Equestria be plunged into darkness, forever?

Twilight looks upon the Princess with pity. Now that I already know the truth about Luna’s past, Twilight thinks, it says something that Celestia still wants me to bring her back. Letting her die would be an ideal way to hide what she’s done. So clearly she cares more about having her as a companion than she does about protecting her secret. Maybe she’s telling the truth and she really can’t go on without her Luna by her side.

Finally, Twilight spoke up. “Even if I did go back into her memories, it would take too long. It took days to go through eighty-five years, there’s just no possible way I could go through a thousand years of her banishment in less time.”

The appreciative expression on Celestia’s face raises a mixture of gratification and dull anger for Twilight. “You are right, it would take too much time. But if you are willing, there is another way.” Celestia tells her.

“How?” A part of Twilight still tells her to resist, but she asks anyway. 

“I finished the spell to break the wards around the moon. Last night I wove in another element to the spell. It will take you to the moon in the same way Nightmare Moon was banished to the moon. You should arrive at the same place she arrived, which should be safely under the surface.”

“What? You want to send me to the moon?!” Twilight exclaims incredulously.

Celestia sighs. “Yes, I know it sounds absurd, but it should be possible. It makes sense, if you think about it. I cannot find any trace of a large, persistent spell of the kind we were looking for anywhere in Equestria. It seems most likely, then, that the source of the spell is the moon. I had hoped that you would see it in her memories, but you didn’t go far enough. That leaves one option, an inspection of the potential source firsthand.”

Twilight agrees that her logic made sense, but the question of actually going, physically, to the moon, looms as a far larger issue in her mind. “And how would I find what’s wrong there?” She asks.

“It should be fairly obvious. Something large, something drawing a great amount of magic. Up close you may be able to feel it, rather than just see it. Then, with the wards around the moon gone, I should be able to use my magic to fix whatever the problem is.”

“So how do I know you’re planning on bringing me back?” Twilight asks, still a little suspicious of Celestia motives. She wants some form of reassurance that she will be able to return.

“I brought you back from Luna’s mind. I could have just left you in there.”

“Fair point.” Twilight concedes.

“Also, because the distance is so great, I won’t be able to communicate with you while you’re up there. Therefore I have built in a return time to the spell. It’s a very complex spell, but I can show you my work if you wish to double check. You will have two hours to find the source of the draining spell. No more. Once you get back, you will tell me what the source is, and I will do whatever needs to be done to fix it.”

“I see.” Twilight says, nodding.

“Everything is in place. The spell is ready. I just need your help, one more time.” Celestia’s voice has an urgency to it. She’s begging Twilight for her help. Even if her royal dignity won’t allow her to get down on her knees and hold out her hooves, the purpose is the same. Celestia looks to Twilight for an answer, one way or the other.

Twilight sighs, and refuses to meet Celestia’s stare. Less than a day ago she would have found Celestia’s request completely unconscionable. She had done everything but swear to never even speak a word to the Princess again. 

Still, she knows the answer in her heart. She has to try again to save Luna, even if she is just an imposter now. For Equestria, which needs Celestia to survive. For her friends, who expect her to play her role in saving their Princess. For herself, so she doesn’t have to bear the burden of being a pariah, a heretic, the rest of her life for going against Celestia. Twilight begins to wonder whether her mindset yesterday might have been affected by Luna’s own, so soon after leaving her mind and reliving her memories. Perhaps a night’s sleep had indeed let her see the situation more clearly, and realize that her own future is more important than Luna’s past.

“I’ll do it,” Twilight says, “on one condition. When I get back, and this is over, you will leave my friends and I alone. No letters, no invitations to galas. Just let us be, and I’ll let you be. No one else will ever have to know about Luna.” Excluding Rainbow Dash, Twilight silently adds. 

Celestia nods slightly. “If you insist, then it shall be so.” A hint of sadness tinges her voice, but otherwise she has retrenched that royal facade she let down earlier. 

“Good.” Twilight puts a hoof to her chin. “How soon will you be ready?” She asks.

“A few hours, most likely sometime in the afternoon. I want to go through the spell one more time. I’m sure you would agree on the importance of every element working flawlessly to bring you to the moon and successfully break through the wards. Ideally I would examine my work in even more detail than that, but the time constraints placed on us by my sister’s condition preclude a more thorough inspection.”

“Umm...wait, so what would happen to me if something went wrong?” She ventures.

Celestia’s expression is quite serious. “I will not let that happen so long as I have any say in the matter. The spell should work fine. If it does not, there are a number of possible outcomes.”

“Like what?” Twilight presses.

“Namely, you might come back to the starting point, or you might not.”

“And how likely is the ‘not coming back’ part?”

“It is highly unpredictable. Even I do not know for certain.”

“Great.” Twilight says sarcastically. “Low chance of success, highly dangerous, minimal reward. Why should I do this again?”

Princess Celestia looks down at her hooves, then back up. Her mouth opens like she’s about to say something, then she closes it again. She looks conflicted, as though her thoughts are caught in a tug of war between opposing viewpoints.

“What?” Twilight prompts in exasperation, rather fed up with secrets and double-talk for the moment.

Her question seems to force the Princess to decide on a course. “Well, there may be another reason you might wish to go. I had hoped, of course, that a desire to save Princess Luna would be enough,” Celestia says pointedly, “but perhaps you require more motivation. “ Celestia sighs as though she’s reliving an unpleasant memory. Curious, Twilight listens attentively to her every word. “The consciousness of Nightmare Moon, who you insist on calling Luna, was not destroyed by the Elements of Harmony. It was banished to the moon once more. It is bound to the moon, and thus cannot return to haunt my dear Luna anymore.”

“You’re saying the original Luna is still alive?” Twilight asks excitedly.

Celestia frowns at the question. “No, not alive, not exactly. Just the spirit was bound to the moon. Luna’s body remains here, in Equestria, but the spirit that was Nightmare Moon was banished and locked to the moon.”

“But Nightmare Moon is Luna, the real Luna!” Twilight exclaims. The Princess does not share her enthusiasm, but ignores her assertion for the moment. “Will I be able to speak to her?” Twilight asks.

“Possibly.” Celestia reluctantly admits.

Twilight’s thoughts race at the possibility of talking to the original Luna. The idea of speaking to somepony with whom one shares so much in terms of experiences and memories is incredibly exciting. Twilight imagines it like meeting an old friend, except in this case, the two had met only for the briefest of moments, and not on the best of terms in any case. But that was forgotten and put out of her mind by the vision of meeting Luna, the real, true Luna, whose life Twilight had lived, who shares so many joys and feelings. 

I’ll meet the real Luna again. I’ll see the moon. I’ll save the imposter, for Equestria’s sake, and then it will be over. Twilight thinks. Then I can live my life as I see fit. All those places Luna visited, I can see them too. My friends will be with me, and we’ll have adventures of our own making to talk about the rest of our lives. Who knows, perhaps I can find a way to bring back the real Luna. Maybe, just maybe…