//------------------------------// // Act II ~ Chapter 16 // Story: Unending Love // by Azure Notion //------------------------------// A pulsing pain greeted her from the darkness and a groan of displeasure rumbled from deep within her chest. Her eyes peeled open to a dimmed room. As she shifted to sit up on the soft bed, a deep, throbbing pain cut through her head. “Ow. Ughh.” Firefly brought up a hoof to rub against her chitin. She yelped in pain as she touched a hardened bump on her head. Gritting her teeth, she stayed stock still until the pain had faded to a dull throb. “Oww. Buck. Where… what?” As if to answer her call, a door to her side opened. “Ah, wonderful! You’re awake,” an almost feminine-sounding changeling trotted up to the bed. “My name is Vannus, and yes, you may laugh.” Firefly raised an eyeridge before gasping in pain. “Ow. Again.” She looked back to… whoever it was. “I don’t get it.” “Huh. That usually gets patients. Well, a few of them, anyway.” They shrugged. “Anyway, I know it’s not easy to tell with the octave of my voice and my stature, but I go by he and him. I’ll be your physician until you leave. You still need more rest and a few extra helpings of love, but I imagine we’ll have little issue sending you on your way.” “Uh… okay?” Firefly took a deep breath as her mind began to clear. “Vannus, why am I here? What happened?” “Hmm,” he tapped his chin. “What’s the last thing you remember?” Firefly resisted the urge to rub at her aching head again. “I think I was having a… conversation isn’t the right word. I was in the throne room and Queen Chrysalis was telling me about—” About things I shouldn’t talk about. She furrowed her brow at her bed. The Loveless. Could that have really happened to me? How soon was I from transforming? Am I still in danger? She thought of her old source and the love he— A scream tore its way from her throat. White-hot knifes of pain surged through her mind and she felt tears stinging the corners of her eyes. “Hey, hey, take it easy!” Firefly felt Vannus gently lay her back down on the bed. “General Elytra said you passed out and hit your head on some stone. It seems thinking too hard might be painful for a little while, but I believe your prognosis is more than good enough for a full recovery.” The fiery pain began to smolder down to embers and she relaxed the jaw she hadn’t realized she’d been clenching. “How, uh,” she grunted through the lingering throbs, “h-how long?” “If you continue to push yourself as you did, you should expect more pain over the next twelve hours. After that, the pain should diminish over the next couple days until it’s barely a prick. That might stick around for two or so weeks, though.” Firefly took several deep breaths and focused on the other changeling until he became more than a blurry blob. “Trying to think is pushing myself?” “In this case, it is.” He mirrored gesturing to his head where her injury was. “You took quite a spill there yesterday.” “Yeah, but it’s, what, a concussion?” She narrowed a single eye at him. “I thought concussions made it hard to think, not hurt to think.” “Usually you’d be correct, but sometimes, if you hit your head just right, or wrong, all kinds of things can come of it.” Vannus shrugged. “This happens to be one of them.” Firefly sighed and laid her head back. “Okay, fine. I won’t think too hard.” She leveled an eye at him. “Even though you were the one that asked me to.” “Yes, I apologize, Firefly.” He gave a quick bow of his head. “I did not know that would be one of your symptoms. Please, do try to rest. I’ll have a nurse sent in soon with food and love. And some painkillers.” He turned and headed back to the hall. Once the door closed, Firefly let out a deep sigh. Asking her not to think about why she was injured and in the medical ward was like asking her to forgo love for weeks on end. She guessed it was possible she’d merely passed out, but that didn’t make much sense. Even when she was mid-panic attack, she hadn’t felt anywhere close to that. Maybe panic attacks didn’t cause someone to faint? If she was still a Hoofington collector, she’d have thought to ask Aura. Unfortunately, she wasn’t. The thought of Hoofington brought a purse to her lips and Firefly wondered what town she’d be assigned to next. As much as she’d miss Skitter, their parting disagreement would be too awkward to dance around. It’s not as if she meant for Roast to find out what she was. She shrugged. Sure, she should have said something earlier and, sure, she probably should have tried a little harder to not let Sweet Leaf’s emotions get tangled with… her own… The lancing pain slowly crept back in. Her teeth hissed as she sucked in through a clenched jaw. It didn’t last nearly as long before dull throbbing replaced it yet again. Well, dammit. Vannus was right. What am I supposed to do until I get better? It’s not like I have any sudoku or Kenken or even those cursed logic grid puzzles he— “Nggghh! Buuuck!” She clasped her head in her hooves and waited for the spike to fade. “Whyyyyyy?!” The door opened again and Firefly barely managed to peek an eye through a hole in her foreleg. “Oh! Are you alright?” A definitely feminine-sounding changeling trotted up to her. On her back draped a pair of saddlebags sporting a red cross. “Yeah. Just…” Firefly lowered her hooves and laid back down, “Concussion. Headache.” “Right. The physician mentioned something about that. When you’re ready, I’ll sit you up so I can take your vitals. Then we can get some painkillers and food into you.” “Okay.” She took a moment, and soon the now-familiar pulsing slowly replaced her migraine. “Alright. I… think I’m good.” She began to pull herself up, but felt a hoof at her chest. “No, no, sweetie. This is a medical bed.” Firefly half squinted in confusion before the nurse started pumping a hoof. Each one raised the bed’s back a small amount until she was sitting upright. “Huh. How the heck did the hive manage to snag one of these?” “No idea. We’ve had them since before I came back from training.” The nurse shrugged as she donned a stethoscope. “Quiet for a second, if you could. I need to get your heart rate.” Firefly nodded and shivered as the changeling-friendly curved tip of the stethoscope slid into a hole in her foreleg. The cool, unsettling sensation quickly passed and the nurse pulled it out. “What do you mean you came back from training?” Firefly asked. “They sent you all somewhere?” She nodded and magicked out a little thermometer. “Mhm! Cold thing going into your ear.” Firefly winced and tried not to flick her ear as the mare continued. “Equestria might be full of evil, blood-sucking ponies, but they sure do know their medicine. Even if we have to adapt it to changeling physiology.” Firefly gave her a side squint. “Ponies… don’t suck blood. And aren’t evil.” The nurse laughed and pulled the thermometer out. “Oh, sweetie! I spent seven years with them. I know that.” “Ah. Righ—” “They suck hemolymph.” Firefly covered her giggle with a hoof. “Did they teach you these bedside manners too?” She snorted. “They’re ponies. What do you think? Open wide.” A little flashlight levitated out of her saddlebags and shined into Firefly’s open mouth. “Looks good, no obvious signs of hypoxia. You can close. “Anyway,” the nurse continued as she wheeled over a tray table and began pulling out food, drink, and a crystal from her bags. “Advisor Tergum doesn’t require us to be polite. Though, if I were already feeling like trod horseapples, I don’t think I’d like it much if someling came in, roughed me up for my vitals, threw some food at me, and left.” “That’s quite a… mature, or maybe Pony way? I dunno, it’s a way of looking at things for sure.” Firefly looked down to her tray and found yet another meal similar to all her breakfasts before Spindle came along. “Something wrong?” Firefly hummed. “I, uh, guess I expected something else?” Her nurse snorted again. “You and me both. We’ve been told we’re about to receive a shipment of new stock for the past month, but I’m betting they lost it.” “That’s… disappointing.” Firefly sighed and took a bite of fried oatcakes. “Mhm. You’re a collector though, right? I bet you’ll be out of here and back to fine Equestrian cuisine real soon. Any idea where you’re going next?” Firefly raised an eyeridge, her good one, at the mare, but shook her head. “Nope. Before I could find that out, I had a fight with some stairs, apparently.” Not exactly the truth, but if I’m still alive, then the queen must have seen fit for me to continue as a collector, right? “Well, hopefully it’s somewhere fun.” She let out a wistful sigh. “I know I miss it out there.” “Hmm?” Firefly paused mid chew before swallowing. “I imagine you’ve been here for a few years, at least. Couldn’t you ask to try for another caste? We always need more collectors, and you’ve already been in Equestria.” Her nurse shook her head. “Afraid not. I’ve been a nurse for four years. Not only do we have a ten year commitment to the caste, but we’re not allowed to go back for more medical training either. Equestria is really strict on their continuing education and proof of practice. We can’t say where we’ve been practicing at, since the hive’s not exactly Equestrian Board certified. I’d have to start over and the hive is not about to let us waste that much time.” “Ah,” Firefly said. “Well, I’m sure the collectors will still be around in another six years. With your attitude, you’d fit right in.” She nodded. “I appreciate that. Though, I do have other duties to see to. I’ll come back to check on you in a couple hours. Once you’re done with the tray, feel free to push it aside. If you need anything in the meantime, there’s a button by your bed that’ll ring at our station.” “Okay.” Firefly smiled and nodded. “It was nice talking to you. Almost felt like I was back in Equestria for a bit.” The nurse offered a weak smile before walking back out the door. That last thought felt strange to Firefly. She definitely wanted to go back to Equestria, much for the same reasons as the nurse. But going back felt… empty, somehow. The odd feeling made her brow crease. But, yet again, her thoughts ground to a halt as the fiery stabs returned anew. “R-right, right. No thinking.” Her eyes clenched shut and she waited out the pains. Soon enough, they passed and Firefly finished her bland, boring meal. She swallowed down her pills from a tiny cup, then eyed the last thing on her tray. The crystal. Its purple glow was enveloped by her green magic as she brought it up to her eyes. For a reason she couldn’t place, it made her nervous. She levitated it back up and drew in a bit of love. The anxiety drained to nothing at the taste of normal, everyday, stolen love. It made her a little sad, though the exact reason for missing out on the wonderful flavor of a dense crystal didn’t seem to ring the right bell. Though, she made sure to stuff those thoughts away before her brain decided to punish her again. Once the thing was dull and drained, she set it back on the table and pushed it away. So, if I can’t think without being assaulted by my own mind, what can I do? And… wait. Aren’t I thinking now? She paused, blinked, and somehow didn’t have an aneurysm when she realized she was actually waiting for a response. A deep sigh left her and she wished she had a mirror for the half-lidded glare of disappointment she held for herself. Then, her ears perked up as she recalled the hive’s morale library. Plenty of games and books could be found there. She clicked the help button and waited. The book slammed shut. “Daring Do is dumb,” Firefly huffed. “What mare in her right mind would think it’s a good idea to go traipsing through the middle of a dangerous jungle? Just let them have their magical mcguffin! It’s not like she wasn’t trying to steal it too! Hmph.” She tossed the book to the end of the bed. The thought of kicking it off was interrupted by her room’s door opening. “Daring Do, huh?” By the smell of his pheromones, it was Vannus. “I had a similar reaction, except it was when I found out the stories are real.” “Uhh, what?” Firefly traded glances between the book and her physician. “No, they aren’t. Those are insane. The real world doesn’t work like that. There’s no way ancient temples could last that long without crumbling. And why in Chrysalis’s name would their builders store super-magical artifacts ripe for the taking?!” She crossed her hooves. “No.” Vannus rolled his eyes and shifted into a replica of the adventurous mare herself. “You live in a world where a species like us requires love, and can change into nearly any living creature. Which includes the fluffy, friendship monsters known as ponies… and Daring Do existing is where you draw the line?” He changed back and she huffed. “Well, how do you even know?” A smirk crossed his face. “Changelings are like ponies in a few ways. Infiltrators say all kinds of things when they have enough narcotics in them.” “And you think they weren’t telling you some delusional nonsense when they were in an obviously delusional state?” “Does it matter? Daring Do or Average Pony Number Thirty-Seven, they’re all equally as infuriating.” The word gave her pause and she sent him an odd look. “Infuriating? The nurse said she had to train in Equestria, so I’m guessing you did too. Even after all those years, you never grew to like it?” Vannus shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong. Outside of the ten-year cram session they call ‘medical school,’ the food was fantastic and all the things to do were great fun. But the ponies themselves? If we didn’t have to subsist off their droppings, I’d say the world would be better off without.” “What do you mean? I’ve spent almost a decade with them and I think they’re fine. A different culture, sure, but nothing I can see worth the vitriol.” “Okay, how about this.” Vannus tilted his head and gave her a placating little smile. “Guess how many non-ponies were studying at the university I went to.” She would have raised an eyeridge if it didn’t hurt so much. “I… don’t know? A dozen?” Firefly nearly jumped at his bark of laughter. “Try more like one. A gryphon exchange student.” The amusement on his face died to a deadpan. “A cultural test designed to fail. Ponies are the very definition of xenophobes. They want nothing to do with anyone but themselves. Even then, they squabble amongst each other over inane things, like the appendages they have! Wings, horns, neither. I tolerate them because we need them, not because they deserve it.” A frown formed on Firefly’s face. There was more to it than that. There had to be. Except, as she thought about it, she realized the cafe had very few species except for ponies. The most common was a gryphon every couple of months; the same as his supposed exchange student. Maybe he did have a point. But, at least Roast hadn’t been like that… right? “Tangent aside,” Vannus waved a hoof, “how are you feeling?” Firefly decided to shelve the thoughts for later. She sighed. “Fine, I suppose. I’d say it’s been a while since I’ve been cooped up in a room and forced to lay on a bed for hours on end, but that’s pretty much all I’ve been doing for the past couple weeks.” “Ah, right. General Elytra mentioned something about that. She also told me to pass on that you should probably keep your being in prison a bit… under the table.” “What? Why?” Vannus shrugged. “She said ‘she’ll know why.’” She opened her mouth but clicked it shut after a moment. “Yeah, alright.” “And how are the migraines? Any better?” Firefly huffed again, squinted, and jabbed a hoof at him. “I’ll have you know, you saying, ‘oh, Firefly, just don’t think about anything and you’ll be fine,’ is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard,” she mocked, though his tone being a mere few keys lower than hers made it fall a bit flat. He laughed. “I don’t remember saying quite that, but I also can’t say I envy you. I take that to mean you’re feeling a little better?” “I suppose so. It’s been a few hours since I had any big pains, but the book may have been helping with that.” “Well, if you ever see Daring Do, you should thank her.” Firefly rolled her eyes. “Uh huh.” “Regardless, I am deeming you fit for discharge. I’ll have the nurse come back and get you ready. Make sure to come back tomorrow or the day after to remove that resin too.” He took a step away, but paused. “Oh, I’ve been told to pass on that, after a night in your living quarters, you’re to go see your caste’s advisor. They’ll have your next assignment for you.” “Okay, can do. Thanks!” “Mhm!” He gave her a smile before turning away. Firefly watched him go. Her eyes were drawn down as his tail flicked from one side, then back to the other. Huh? Oh. Well, stallion it is, then. A loud alarm jolted Firefly from her strange, already-fleeting dream. Something about an indigo pony giving her and some others a silly speech. She blearily lifted her head from the carved stone bowl of a bed and offered a particularly rude wing gesture at the wooden door. Her brain almost reminded her that it didn’t work without feathers, but she ignored it. She laid back down and closed her eyes as the buzzing grew quieter. Naught but a second of unconsciousness later and the irritating sound returned. “Bucking…! Fine!” she grumbled and stood. She hated the hive. It sucked. It had alarm ‘lings that patrolled sleeping quarters three times. And it had no coffee! “I hate everything.” Firefly grunted and stepped out of the sleeping cubby inside the tiny space she’d been assigned. She sat at the little personal table before flopping her head down. Little shelves lay above, empty from the very short time she’d been back and hopefully would remain so. She sighed long and deep. How had she ever lived this life before? There was nothing to it. Wake up, do hygiene, eat, go to training, go do ‘morale’ stuff, go to sleep, and repeat. Knowing what else the world had to offer, it was mind-numbing to be back. At least in the prison she’d been waiting for something to happen. And now… Her ears flicked up as she remembered that she technically wasn’t back. She had an advisor to see. She stretched and groaned before standing. As she turned towards the door, her eyes flicked to the ‘multi-purpose’ space on the other side of the little room. She huffed in amusement at the rolled-up mat and that she found herself mature enough not to blush at it anymore. Most changelings had needs as much as ponies did, after all, and their sleeping cubbies weren’t exactly conducive to the act. She hummed and thought maybe she could find someling to scratch the itch with before she left. Her source was no longer around to do it for her, after all. If it happened, it happened, she shrugged. Though, she waffled back and forth on whether it was really worth it. She’d grown to love the cuddles and bits of play beforehoof that she’d do with… “Ngghh!” Her hoof went to her head again. The stabbing needles returned, though far more dull than before. They calmed down much sooner than the day before and took with them the last vestiges of sleep her brain held. As she put her hoof back down, something felt strange. A niggling sensation that she was missing something. She plopped her hindquarters back down. Why didn’t the pains come more often? As creatures who thrived off deception, many thoughts and feelings stayed within and cultivated themselves in her head. Yet the migraines seemed to come and go as they pleased. A little growl escaped her lips. What caused it this time? A moment ago I stretched and thought about enjoying the time I’d spent with— She winced again before her eyes shot open through the pain. No way. Not possible. How can a concussion discriminate between thoughts? The last couple times had been about him, too. In fact, she realized with a chill, most of them had. Something strange was going on. What if it wasn’t just a simple concussion? What if something had gone wrong in her head while she was unconscious? She took a signature deep breath, held, and released. Her physician had said the collector advisor had an assignment for her. Maybe he also knew something? She nodded and stood. The sooner she could see him, the better. A visit to the quartermaster for hygienic supplies, then a quick trip to the — cold — communal washroom later, and she was on her way. Firefly headed past the gymnasium and all its expected sounds and took a tunnel to the second lowest level. A few turns down some halls and she found herself in front of the collector advisor’s door. She steadied herself before she raised a hoof and knocked twice. Seconds passed. Then half a minute. She furrowed her brows, but winced as a tiny stab of pain was sent from the resin-covered injury on her head. Maybe Calypter’s in there with Advisor Arista? Is Calypter even the advisor’s assistant still? She shrugged and knocked another two times, a bit harder. A couple dozen seconds and the door opened, revealing a changeling with a raised eyeridge and the door handle in hoof. “I thought I heard knocking. Most daytime ‘lings are at breakfast, including my assistant. Is there a reason you’re not?” Firefly’s ears pinned back against her head and she did happen to note just then that her stomach was feeling rather empty. “Uh, I guess I kinda forgot?” She felt an embarrassed wince come across her face. “Sorry?” The changeling chuckled. “You are very much not a hive ‘ling. Between that and the head bump, I’m assuming you’re Firefly.” She nodded. “I was told to stop by and see Advisor Arista first thing. Are, uh, is that you?” He grinned. “That is indeed me. I suppose since you’re already here, we can take care of things now.” Arista stepped back from the door and waved a hoof inside. “Come on in.” She stepped in and he shut the door behind her. “Let’s go to my office.” Arista walked to the left of his assistant’s desk and through the door on the far wall. “We have quite the interesting assignment for you.” Firefly followed him in and spotted a massive map of Equestria on the back wall. Dozens of pins speckled the thing, many grouped together, along with a plethora of notes. “Shut the door behind you, if you would. Then feel free to take a seat.” He walked to his spot behind the desk. Firefly idly did as she was asked and as she sat down in front of him, her eyes were immediately drawn to Hoofington on the map. There she found four pins and two notes, too small to read. She felt a strange sense of relief at what she assumed were four changeling pins. Of course they didn’t replace you yet. It’s only been two weeks. “Hoofington,” Arista said and drew her eyes down to his. “What a place. A moderate-sized city, filled with plenty of places to visit. Restaurants to eat at. Cafes to frequent.” Her eyes narrowed before she could catch them. “Yes, it was… quite the city. Sad to have to leave it. I liked being a barista.” “I can imagine. There was always a sense of disappointment when I would have to move on from my sources.” A wistful smile came across his face. “Yours, though, I’d imagine was a bit more than mere disappointment.” Firefly shrugged, even though anxiety filled her over what all this meant. “I mean, it wasn’t great, but collectors have to move on sometime, right?” “True, true. Such a loss, though. Fine Roast’s love will surely be missed here at the hive, and I’m sure your returned feelings may have made it all the more.” “Yeah, there’s not… much…” She winced as that familiar pain deep in her head jabbed at her once again. “Ow. Sorry. My concussion still flares up every now and then.” “I understand,” Arista said softly. “Take your time. I’ve been briefed on what happened. You have my sympathies, both for the pain and for the loss of such delectable crystals.” Firefly flinched at another stab of pain. There it is again. What in Chrysalis’s name happened in that throne room? A growl of frustration bubbled up. “Is everything okay?” She sucked in a little breath and realized she’d forgotten where she was. “Yeah. Yeah, everything’s okay. They sometimes come in bursts. Feels like they’re done, but then there’s a little more.” Arista nodded. “I understand. If what the physician says is true, and they continue to decrease, I believe you’ll still be more than fit for your assignment.” At the word, Firefly sat up a little straighter. “Yes, sir! I’m eager to get back to Equestria. It’s been a long while since I’ve started… over.” The thought didn’t sit right with her for some reason. It almost felt like another puzzle piece, but it didn’t seem to fit anywhere. I mean, I did love him. Maybe I haven’t gotten over it yet? How does one ‘get over’ loving somepony? She thought back to Skitter’s lessons, the same ones she’d stupidly ignored, but now found she couldn’t recall them. They were this vague, shapeless mass she knew she sat through, but no details came to mind. Hmph. Those sure would be helpful right now, brain. “It always is difficult, isn’t it? But five years! Not a terrible stint. Though it did end with your source back here in a cocoon. More messy than we like, but understandable given the circumstances.” “Yeah.” She nodded along, but a stabbing in her chest pulsed in time with a tiny ache in her head. She nearly focused on it, but if she kept zoning out and wincing in pain, he’d think she wasn’t fit for assignment. And she was. Absolutely, definitely was. She was a collector. Sources were left or sent back to the hive. These things happened. Her chest still hurt. He cleared his throat. “Now then, it’s unfortunate to say that I’m afraid your last assignment is still stringing you along, in a way.” She raised an eyeridge and stuffed whatever feelings away. Information about Roast! She needed to focus! “Indeed. You see, we think we might have another situation similar to yours. Several months back, we received two shipments of love-dense crystals from our Ponyville collectors. I understand these kinds come from love directed at the changeling, not the changeling’s role. This, as you’re well aware, is not ideal.” “No, sir.” Firefly shook her head, even though the ache in her chest grew worse. “I can fully agree. It’s not.” “Except, the strange thing is, the third shipment’s crystals were normal and neither collector there changed sources. Three sources and one third of the Ponyville crystals turned dense for a short time.” Firefly’s head reeled back and her eyes narrowed at him. “Wait. There’s only two collectors there? We have a polycule? How did that happen?” “Some mares happen to love flowers that much.” A grin spread across his face before falling back to neutral again. “There’s a lot more to it than that, but back to the narrative, just because we had one collector’s worth of dense crystals doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the collector with one source.” She nodded. “I understand. Causation and correlation are important to distinguish.” “They are indeed! Your goal in Ponyville is to visit both of them separately, preferably while their sources are with them. See if you sense anything similar to what you felt with Fine Roast. If you think you’ve identified the collector, send a letter back to the hive before heading back yourself.” “Uh, do you think that’ll work?” “Sensing the ‘true,’ love? We suspect it may, why?” Firefly tapped a hoof on her chin. “Well, I don’t remember feeling if Fine Roast’s love ever shifted from Sweet Leaf to me.” She nearly huffed in frustration at the pulse of a migraine. “I think you may have been too close. From the reports Skitter sent, she didn’t notice much of any difference around Roast, just the normal variances from pony to pony. We think if you feel the general aura of love, you might be able to pick out those ‘true’ differences.” Her eyes went wide as one word stuck out. Thoughts of Roast kept triggering it, but they had both been fairly close to Aura. What if she was part of it, too? She nodded and asked, “Advisor Arista? I know it’s not really my place anymore, but in Hoofington, there’s, uh, one pony I was wondering about.” Arista’s lips pursed and he nodded. “Refined Aura?” “Yeah.” Firefly nodded and swallowed. She still cared for her, even if she’d never see her again. “What happened to her? I know having attachments is bad, but I can’t help it. She helped me out even knowing I was a changeling. And, well, she was my friend.” “Mhm. It’s strange saying this, but I think you can rest easy. You were correct when you told Clypeus that Aura’s personality was a bit too… much to effectively replace. I won’t overstep into Odonata’s realm, but from what I understand, she had a talking to from the infiltrators and supposedly they came to an agreement.” Arista shrugged. “That’s all I feel comfortable saying, sorry.” A breath Firefly hadn’t known she was holding slowly drifted out of her lungs. “That’s more than enough. Thank you.” “You’re welcome. As for your assignment, the Ponyville collectors you’ll be interacting with are Maxilla and Lacewing. Lacewing is the polyamorous collector, but you should see Maxilla first. They’re the lead and will be expecting you. All they’ve been told is that you’re going to be Ponyville’s third collector. “As such,” Arista levitated up a folder and set it in front of Firefly, “here’s information about your disguise and further assignment details. Feel free to read it out front. If you have questions or are done with it or—” he gave her a pointed look, “—you want to take a break for breakfast, see Calypter when he comes in. Do you have any questions?” Firefly pursed her lips and pondered how to ask it. “Just… one, I think. You said you’d been briefed on what happened in the throne room, right? Can you tell me anything?” “Mmm, I’d prefer not to.” He shook his head and gave her a sympathetic smile. “I only know second-hoof information and likely nowhere close to all of it. General Elytra was there. Maybe she’ll know more?” “Okay. Maybe she will. Thank you, sir.” “Of course!” He smiled and nodded. “I am very happy your situation wasn’t more dire. Losing a collector of seven years would be quite the blow. I look forward to seeing you once you return.” As Firefly stood and left, she realized the ache in her chest wasn’t going away. Something was very wrong and she hoped a certain general had answers. She had to. Firefly rubbed a hoof against the back of her other foreleg as she stood and waited, wondering if it really was a good idea. Maybe she should have come back later. Actually being there, waiting for Elytra to call her back felt wrong for yet more reasons she couldn’t place. All the general had done in that throne room was stand and watch, but something about that simple thought made Firefly’s chest squeeze even tighter. Maybe the queen was the one to talk to? She had to have more knowledge on everything, but every time Firefly thought about going to her majesty, her heart felt like it wanted to split in two. One half wanted to run to Queen Chrysalis and seek comfort. The other half was terrified of… something. And Firefly had no idea what. She looked over as the door opened and regret washed over her at the decision being made in her stead. The general’s assistant walked out to their desk. “Go ahead. She’ll see you now.” Firefly put on a smile. “Thank you.” She entered the office and paused at the sight of the general chewing a bite of oat cake held in her magic. “Oh, uh. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Elytra swallowed the bite and set it down. “Oh, no, come on in. We had extra long PT with the guards this morning. Don’t mind me. And please, close the door and have a seat.” She held a hoof out at the two chairs. Firefly nodded and sat on the furthest seat. The other mare placed her elbows on the desktop and clacked her hooves together. “What can I do for you, Firefly?” “Uhh, I wanted to…” Come on, she fought with her hammering heart, just ask about the throne room. It’s a simple question. “Can I ask you something?” Firefly eventually said. Elytra nodded. “I can certainly try to answer.” Throne room! It’s easy! Her chest hurt more than ever and she had no idea why. So she did the logical thing and chickened out. “You seem… different than you were before. Why is that?” Relief and shame flooded her in equal measures. “Hm?” Elytra’s eyeridges creased. “Different from before when? Can you elaborate?” Firefly pursed her lips for a second and decided to go along with it. She’d made her bed, now she had to sleep in it. “I mean, when you led me into the cell that first night, you were kind of matter-of-fact. And when you came to escort me, you were, well, polite I guess, but still very military-like. Except ever since I had my, erm, episode, it’s like you’re a completely different mare.” The other mare leaned back in her seat and looked down for a long moment. When she came back up, she brought a small, almost fragile smile. “Could I trust you to keep this to yourself?” Her head drew back as Firefly processed what she’d just heard. An advisor confiding in a nobody like her? Was she serious or was it a ploy? “I… of course.” “Would you believe me if I said I missed it?” Elytra gave her a sad smile. “It’s not who I like to be, but sometimes I have to take on the persona of the gruff and hardened general. Especially with a changeling we had yet to figure out wasn’t plotting against the hive.” She gave Firefly a brief, pointed look. “Even moreso, leading half a thousand disguised changelings to the heart of Equestria was more bitter than sweet. It had been many years since I’d last set hoof in our beloved enemy’s homeland.” She sighed and leaned back in her chair again. “Twenty-five years. That’s how long I spent as a collector. Seven sources and only one true failure that had to be sent back to the hive. I never fell in love like you or our queen, but that doesn’t mean I was unaffected. “Another caste and several years later, I was transferred to the guard. Once you become a captain, you get special training. One such involves crisis management, including both physical and mental health. Years ago, a source of mine had a friend that went through panic attacks for a short time. It was difficult to watch, to say nothing of what it must be like to have one. Now that I have the experience and training to help… I miss it.” Firefly opened her mouth, but couldn’t find the words to speak. She missed it too. It was why Firefly was so eager to get out of the hive. Equestria held so much more. It had so much heritage and prosperity, not to mention all the things and places! The ponies were kind and loving and… And her heart felt like it was about to stab its way out of her chest. “I apologize, Firefly. I don’t mean to imply you’re merely a substitute for the nostalgia of my golden years.” Firefly waved her hooves back and forth. “N-No, no! That’s okay. I don’t think you were!” “I appreciate that.” Elytra gave her a little smile. “Regardless, the hive has a way of, well, dulling a changeling’s sympathetic and empathetic responses. We have little culture of our own, no currency to speak of, and few luxuries. Our entire people are dedicated to deceiving others for survival. Those who have never left the hive don’t know any better and those who harbor enough hate or disgust don’t care to see it. Once you’ve been back as long as I have, you learn to take those moments as they come, good or bad.” Elytra smiled a little brighter. “Being able to make yours a bit better is part of that.” “I…” Firefly looked down and twiddled her hooves and tried to ignore the burning in her eyes, “I guess thank you.” “You’re welcome.” Elytra’s smile turned patient as silence filled the room. After a long moment, Firefly nearly asked if she could leave when the other mare spoke up, “But that’s not what you really wanted to ask, is it?” Firefly couldn’t keep the surprise off her face and her forehead kindly reminded her it was still injured. Through the pain, her mind told her to say that was all. No need to waste the general’s time. Firefly didn’t really want to be around her anyway. But her heart begged her to say there was more. Fight through the pain and figure out what happened. And how to fix it. She barely managed to shake her head. “How… uh, how did you know?” A sly grin crossed Elytra’s face. “You guard your emotions pretty well.” She winked and led Firefly further down a path of confusion, “Certainly not as good as myself, however your face sometimes tells a different story. Now, not that I don’t appreciate being able to talk about my past with someling who understands, but what was your actual question?” Come on. Simple words. Say it! “You, uh…” say it! “You were there, right? In the throne room?” She slowly nodded. “I was.” “Could you,” Firefly squeezed her eyes shut and her breaths came unsteady. “C-Could you tell what… what…” She didn’t want to continue. It hurt. It hurt so much and she didn’t know why. Firefly looked up at the sound of Elytra’s chair sliding back. Firefly watched as Elytra walked around her desk and stepped towards her. Tension she didn’t understand gripped Firefly’s body and she was surprised to see the other mare hesitate. A strange, sympathetic smile crossed Elytra’s face and she took a step back. She looked to her side and instead took a seat next to Firefly. “You want to know what happened, right?” Elytra nearly whispered. Firefly almost shook her head. She feared it would be more than she could handle. But she had to know. She nodded. “Pay close attention, Firefly. I…” Elytra pursed her lips and Firefly’s eyes widened the smallest amount at the droplets of anger she felt from the advisor, “I can tell you some. Can I assume you at least remember up to that which we’re not supposed to talk about?” Firefly nodded. The Loveless. The thing Firefly almost became. That the queen almost became. “Right. Well, you,” she hummed for a long moment and Firefly was baffled to feel the anger shift to the tiniest bit of… caginess and doubt, “you got a little upset and didn’t exactly watch what you were doing. You tripped on a step and smacked your head right into the edge of the dais. I’m surprised you missed your horn, honestly.” Firefly’s eyes remained on Elytra’s for a long few seconds. Her stare was returned with an equal lack of expression. She had no recollection of being upset. She couldn’t think of a reason she would have been angry. There was nothing to be angry about. The Loveless were a horrific way for an entire species to die. Of course she couldn’t be allowed to bring it upon the hive. Maybe that’s what Firefly became angry about. The fact that she was capable of it at all. Or perhaps… this feeling was something to be angry about? This pain, the aches that came whenever Fine Roast was brought up. Whenever his love was brought up. But that made no sense! It was impossible to even imagine! A changeling loving somepony was wrong and so utterly dangerous. To give it up was obvious. It was the right thing to do. Firefly tilted her head and let just a bit of confusion pass to the general. “Is… that true?” “It is. I wish there was more to tell you—” more doubt trickled from her “—but I’m afraid there simply isn’t.” This time, there were no emotions, only the general’s words. Firefly’s mouth nearly opened, but she felt like she’d be betraying someone if she did. But it felt even more as though she’d be betraying someone else. Someone important to her. Just like… like someone had betrayed her. “General Elytra?” “Yes, Firefly?” Firefly licked her lips and took a deep breath. “Some… something’s wrong.” A flare of anger escaped Elytra before it was instantly stamped out. A smile graced her face. “What do you mean?” She said as gently as she had during Firefly’s panic. “The physician says my headaches are normal, but they feel wrong. I don’t think a concussion can cause pain when you think. Especially not when you think about specific things.” The general closed her eyes and Firefly heard her take a deep breath. Not a single emotion came through. Elytra’s eyes opened. “Have you, by chance, seen Spindle yet?” Pain and betrayal filled Firefly’s chest. She felt it on her face. “I… what?” Why would she change the subject? She knew more, Firefly was sure of it. Why wouldn’t she tell her? Did she even care at all? Had Elytra been acting the whole time? “From what I understand, you both were close. I imagine you’re going to be gone a while and you two should spend a little time together. Chat over dinner or go play a game. If you remember where the nursery is, you should be able to find her there.” “But, General Elytra, I’m serious. I don’t understand what’s going on inside me.” She placed a hoof on her chest. “I don’t understand this… hurt.” Another smile was all she got in return. “If my time in Equestria taught me anything, it’s that friends will see each other through. It’s pretty rare to have good friends here in the hive.” Elytra’s smile widened a tiny amount. “I think trust in them is a pretty good thing to have, don’t you?” She strained as pain lit up in her head, but the fog lifted ever so slightly. Trust. That conversation! I remember it was about trust! Roast and I were… were… “Try to relax,” Elytra’s voice came through. “Try to relax. You’re going to hurt yourself worse if you push too hard. But, I am glad you’re doing better. I can understand how you felt as I took you to Her Majes—” A single knock came on the door before it opened. Firefly glanced over Elytra’s shoulder to see a changeling. The assistant, she presumed. “General? The queen is here to see you.” A breath caught in Firefly’s throat. She suddenly felt like a mouse trapped with a hungry cat. She couldn’t understand why she was scared. The queen was benevolent! She cared about all her changelings. She would only hurt— She wouldn’t hurt Firefly! “Ah, tell her…” Elytra peered around the doorway, “Hello, ma’am! Give me thirty seconds and the office will be yours.” She turned back to Firefly and set her hoof on Firefly’s foreleg. “Let me know if you need anything else before you head out, okay?” Firefly could only nod and hope her smile was convincing. “Okay. Thank you.” “If I’m not here, tell my assistant and she can—” Firefly glanced up and over the general and she barely kept her eyes from popping open. “General Elytra. Firefly. It is interesting to see both of you in the same place once again,” Queen Chrysalis said as she walked further into the now-cramped-feeling office. Elytra turned to face the queen and Firefly awkwardly stood up. The general offered a nod. “I apologize, your majesty. If I had known it was urgent, I would have finished with Firefly immediately.” Queen Chrysalis shook her head, then shifted her gaze to Firefly. Her heart nearly seized at the small smile crossing the queen’s face. “No, no. I merely had meant to have Firefly directed to me before she left for her assignment. I can instead do it here.” She looked back to her general. “You may take your seat, Elytra.” “Of course, ma’am.” Elytra walked past the queen and sat at her desk. Firefly couldn’t hold back the tiny gasp through her nose as Queen Chrysalis stepped further in and shut the door. “Now, this shouldn’t take long,” the queen said and faced Firefly again. “How are you feeling, Firefly?” She held onto her fragile, little smile and offered a small head bow to match Elytra’s. “I am doing better, your majesty. The crack in my chitin is healing rather well and my headache is getting better.” Queen Chrysalis tilted her head a few degrees. “Oh? That’s still present? If you’d like, I can help with a little more expeditious recovery.” Firefly shrunk into herself and felt as if she’d made a terrible mistake. “Oh, y-you don’t have to, ma’am. The physician said it should be gone on its own soon.” “Nonsense.” The queen shook her head. “It’s hardly any effort on my part for a boon on yours. Come closer.” Firefly couldn’t stop her hooves walking her over, even as her heart screamed at her to run. “Good. I am going to cast a spell. It may make you woozy for a few, short seconds, so feel free to sit first.” Firefly felt tears billow in her eyes and watched as her queen smiled and lowered her head. She felt the queen’s breath caress her face and Firefly closed her eyes. Her breath held in her chest at the clack of horn against horn. Green lit up behind her lids. A few, long seconds later, the green popped into a flash and her eyes shot open. Her head bobbed back and forth as she tried to focus on the blurry queen wavering before her. Queen Chrysalis reached up with her right hoof and Firefly flinched at the firm grip on her foreleg. “There we go, easy,” she heard the queen say. “Give it a few moments and it will pass. Just focus on me.” Up she looked at Her Majesty, those green, slitted eyes turning from cool and calculating to soft and caring. Firefly blinked hard a few times. A great relief flooded through her and she let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “Uhm, I uh,” she shook the last remains of dizziness away, “thank you, your majesty.” Firefly almost glanced away from the queen’s eyes as she felt the tiniest shred of displeasure from behind the desk. She furrowed her brow, ignoring her forehead’s pinprick of pain, and barely caught the downward flinch of Queen Chrysalis’s smile. As quick as it all happened, it passed. Chrysalis’s smile returned in full. “You’re quite welcome. That should have you feeling right as a fresh molt and your headaches as nothing more than a memory.” She stepped aside next to the desk. “Now, then. Unless you have anything else you’d like to discuss, you’re free to leave. A smile placed itself on Firefly’s face before she offered a bow. “Of course, ma’am. Thank you again. I… really do feel a lot better.” She turned to the mare sitting behind the desk. “And thank you, General Elytra.” “You’re very welcome, Firefly.” Elytra smiled and Firefly couldn’t help but feel it looked a little strained. An odd worry came over Firefly as her eyes stayed on the general for the tiniest of moments, but she realized she was being silly. Even if the general couldn’t revisit Equestria herself, Elytra was still happy Firefly could. With a final little bow of her head, she went out the door and closed it behind her. Firefly nearly skipped out the military advisor’s office. She was happy knowing that things had finally taken a turn for the better, despite all the little problems along the way. Things were going to be okay. Firefly stood in front of a large, heavy-looking door. To one side was the sign Nursery and to the other was one titled Visitors. She quietly read, “To enter, knock once on the outer door. If there is no response within five seconds, enter, close the outer door, and pull on the cord to the right.” She tilted her head at it. “Oookay?” It was worth a shot. She raised her right hoof and leveled a solid knock against the first door. After a count of five, she heard no response and gently opened the door. As she peered inside, the first thing that hit her was the warmth. Only a small increase from the hive’s normal cool, but it was still odd. She stepped in and shut the door behind her. To her right was the cord. With a light of her horn, she gave it a tug. Her ears perked at the sound of… nothing. She eyed the cord and wondered if she’d pulled it too soft or not far enough. Right as she was about to pull it again, she heard the inner door crack and was taken aback by the absolute rush of heat and humidity and dozens of musty pheromones. There were so many that Firefly had trouble picking any single one out. “Yes?” The feminine-sounding changeling asked, near a whisper. “Quietly, please. It’s naptime.” The other changeling didn’t look like Spindle. Their head fins were a little too long and she was a bit too tall. “Hi, I was told that Spindle works here. Is she around?” “She is, but she’s preoccupied. What do you need her for?” “I’m a friend. I was hoping to talk to her.” The other changeling raised an eyeridge and flicked their eyes up to Firefly’s little wound. “Spindle has a friend? You’re not Patella, are you?” “No.” She shook her head. “I’m Firefly.” “Hmm.” They pursed their lips and looked her up and down. “Hold on. I’ll go ask her.” The door closed and Firefly wondered if she should take a seat. After what felt like a minute she huffed and decided she would indeed. With a flop, her chitinous rump hit the floor. She began tapping a hoof on the floor until she realized it might be audible from the inside. Another couple of minutes and she sighed with an eye roll. What is taking them so long? As Firefly was about to get up and pace in the tiny ponytrap, the door clicked. It slowly swung open, revealing the same changeling dripping with amusement. “Apparently you are a friend. And I quote, ‘Firefly?’” They gasped in mimicry. “‘Yes! Please please let her in, please?’” They dropped the expression, but kept the wry smile. “Unfortunately, nap time is almost up. Fortunately for you, however, we came to an agreement. After the little ones get out of her leg holes, I’ll cover for her and you both can go do friend things. That work for you?” Firefly shrugged. “Sure. I appreciate it.” The other changeling snorted. “You got it. She’ll be out in a few. Have a good one, Firefly. I expect a story from her tomorrow morning. Feel free to wait out in the hall.” Firefly sucked in a breath to offer a response, but narrowed her eyes as the door closed in her face. She sent a mental huff of anger through it instead. “Hmph. I’ll give you a story.” She exited and a few minutes later, the big wooden door opened again. “Firefly!” “Hey, Spin—Oh!” She clammed up at an unprompted hug before quickly returning it. Spindle pulled back with a big grin. “I’m so glad you’re okay! How did you—er, well, maybe this isn’t the best place for this.” Firefly raised her good eyeridge. “You wanna talk over some lunch?” “I mean, I would, but…” she trailed off and Firefly watched her eye trace its way to her injured eyeridge. The younger mare gasped. “Oh my gosh! What happened?! Okay, no. I think we should, uh, talk elsewhere. In fact, my room is pretty private. Would you, uh, wanna head there?” Firefly kept that eyeridge raised as she assessed the mare she’d never looked at quite that way before. Turned out, she was pretty cute. Firefly had been thinking about finding someling for a little fun. Spindle was a little more lithe than most ’lings and how she held herself wasn’t bad at all. The mare had some gumption and drive. Both kinds, it seemed. Firefly liked bold, but a little blushy and, if she remembered correctly, Spindle fit both pretty well. How long had the girl been without? She figured it had probably been long enough. Maybe even since Hoofington. She sniffed at the air and withheld a wrinkle from forming on her nose. The amount of pheromones on the other mare was a little distracting, but… she could work around that. Plus, in the end, what was one more? Her thoughts were interrupted when Spindle reeled back with wide eyes. “Firefly! What the buck?!” “What?” Firefly must have let her emotional guard slip, but that was far from the response she expected. “You’re the one that suggested it.” “I absolutely did not! And even if I was interested right now,” Spindle shoved a hoof in her direction, “you’re bucking married! Seriously. What even…? What?” Firefly blinked. Then blinked again and let some of her confusion out through the twinge of a renewed headache. “Uhh, no? I’m not married. I don’t think there’s a single changeling who actually is.” Spindle merely stared. Several seconds passed as Firefly held it, but added a little more squinting. She couldn’t tell what the other mare might be thinking. After more silence, Firefly opened her mouth, but squawked when Spindle grabbed her hoof and pulled her down the hall. “Yep. Okay, sure. This needs to happen. You have a room right? In the dayshift section?” “Yeah?” “Good.” Spindle let go and stepped behind Firefly. She gave a hard shove to Firefly’s rear. “Your room. Go. Now.” “Okay, alright!” Firefly huffed. “You don’t have to be so pushy.” They headed up a level and turned towards the sleeping quarters. Firefly figured no words needed to be said. It wasn’t far and before she knew it, the two had arrived at Firefly’s assigned room. She let Spindle inside first, then shut the door behind them. When she turned back, she came face to face with fury and a slap across her cheek. “You better have a good explanation for this, Firefly. In fact, this better be nothing more than an act, because I don’t know what made you think I’d be in the mood for sex and I have no idea why you would be!” Firefly stepped back against the door and held a hoof to her face. It didn’t hurt physically so much as it did deep inside. “I’m sorry. I guess I thought that after everything that happened…” She set her hoof down and shook her head. “But no, it wasn’t an act. And, again, I’m sorry. I misread things.” The anger slowly melted off Spindle’s face as she stared. “Firefly,” she nearly whispered, “What happened? What about Fine Roast? Or the cafe? And what happened to your head? Are you… are you okay?” Firefly sighed. She walked over to the table, pulled out the far chair, and sat down. “I’m fine, Spindle. I just hit my head on a stair.” The younger changeling followed and sat across from her. “Firefly, I can’t think of a single place in the hive where we have stairs. We can walk on the ceiling, for Chrysalis’ sake!” “There are stairs in the throne room.” A gasp came from across the table and Spindle covered her mouth with a hoof. “What did she do to you? Did she hit you?” Firefly rolled her eyes. “No, Spindle, Queen Chrysalis did not hit me. I tripped.” Spindle clacked a hoof on the table. “That’s not a trip. Trips don’t cause those kinds of cracks.” “Then I tripped wrong. That’s it. This isn’t some pony foalhood abuse story. I tripped.” Tightness came across Spindle’s lips. “Fine. Let’s say you tripped. What did the queen say?” “What did she say about what?” Anger began to pour from the other mare and her pursed lips turned into a growl. “Is all this a bucking joke to you? Was you bawling on my shoulder a joke? Haha, funny prank on Spindle, is that it?!” Firefly threw her hooves in the air. “No, it wasn’t a joke! I’m sorry, Spindle! I’m sorry for overreacting! I was caught up in the moment and I should have known better. These things happen to collectors all the time. Some sources get shipped back to the hive and we move on. I screwed up and didn’t tell the hive that a detective knew about me. These things happen.” Spindle huffed and stood up, propping her hooves on the table. “They happen. Really? Then tell me. Say it.” “Say what, Spindle?” “Say you never loved Roast. Say he never loved you. That he never loved Firefly.” Firefly sighed as a tiny twinge of ache boiled up deep within her head. She felt her face twitch. “I can’t.” “Oh? And why’s that?” “It would be a lie. I did love him.” It was Spindle’s turn to roll her eyes as she sat back down. “No, you didn’t.” Firefly leveled a glare at her friend. “Excuse me? Who are you to say what I did or did not feel?” “Because,” Spindle snorted, “if this is how hard you fought for him, you never loved him.” “I did love him!” she nearly yelled. “But it isn’t right. It can’t be. Chrysalis showed me that. Changelings aren’t meant to love ponies.” “Are you serious?! Do you hear yourself? You’ve been getting double from Roast for years. Of course we’re meant to love!” “No, Spindle.” Firefly shook her head and growled. “That’s a pony loving a changeling. Changelings are not meant to return that love!” “Yet you did it for months. Explain to me, Firefly, because I clearly do not get it! You were downright snarling at those guards, and now you’re over it? Please, as your friend. I’m trying to understand. Not counting the double love he gave you, how could you discard something like that?” Firefly couldn’t answer. She wouldn’t allow herself to. The Loveless were too dangerous to let take over again. Still, her friend deserved some kind of an answer. “It’s not as simple as discarding it. There was real love for him, but I had to give it up. I’m sorry, I can’t tell you why.” Spindle sighed. “I want to believe you. I really do. Except… I can’t. You looked ready to tear someling’s throat out if they didn’t let you and Roast be together. And just two days later, you’re seriously ready to find someone to rut with. I may have no personal experience, but even I know real love doesn’t work that way.” “I’m sorry. I really am.” She looked Spindle in the eyes. “But I cannot explain it. Please understand. I can’t.” Spindle merely looked at her for a long moment. “I’ve been thinking a lot in the last couple days. You don’t realize how much I look up to you, do you? You were the first to really extend a hoof to me. After I fled town, I thought that was the last time I’d ever see you. Even when I become a collector again someday, I held no illusions that we’d cross paths. I know we were friends only by circumstance, but I really do respect you. “But I can’t respect this.” Firefly narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?” “The pony you love is a couple hundred meters that way.” Spindle pointed with a hoof. “And yet you’re going to do nothing about it. Think for a second, Firefly. He’s going to stay there for decades, and if you do nothing, he’s going to die in there. Look me in my eyes and tell me that’s what you want!” Firefly shook away the ache in her skull. “No, that’s not what I want. It… hurts to think about him spending the rest of his life here, but it doesn’t matter what I want anymore!” She shook her head. “Now what did you mean you can’t respect it?” “I mean exactly that. I blew my chance at being a collector. Now I have to wait and hope I don’t screw up again, but you?” She pointed a hoof at Firefly. “You manage to do everything right. Not only that, but you achieved the impossible! You got a pony to love a changeling. “And now you want to throw that away,” Spindle’s tight lips turned into a sharp frown, “something I never even had a chance at.” Firefly sat back and looked at the other mare. She could see it in her eyes. Nothing Firefly could say would convince her it was wrong. Whether it be jealousy, the extra love, or concern for a friend, she wouldn’t accept anything less than the truth. And Firefly would give up anything before she let her hive be infected. “Spindle, you’re right. I did throw it away. I gave it up because I had no choice. And neither do you.” Confusion ran across Spindle’s face. “No choice? What?” Firefly wanted to huff or flick her tail in frustration or do something. The mare in front of her didn’t deserve this, but Firefly had to stop her before it came to be. “There are things more important than our own wants and desires. This isn’t something any changeling should want or be jealous of. The fact that you aren’t about to give up this idea shows how immature you are.” “I’m immature?” The frown on Spindle’s face grew, as did the feelings of anger and indignity flowing from her. “That morning, when you cried your eyes out, if you were told exactly what you’ve told me, you’d never have accepted it. Yet, somehow, you expect me to?” “Yes. Because, if you don’t…” Firefly swallowed the lump in her throat, “I won’t let you get that chance to be a collector again. You won’t ever leave the hive. The queen won’t let you. I’m sorry that this is how it has to be.” The hurt and betrayal pouring from Spindle nearly broke Firefly. She kept her mouth pointed downward in a frown, lest the other mare mistake her for joking. She hated having to put her friend through this, but the hive mattered more. It had to. “I can’t… how?” Spindle’s voice shook as she stared at Firefly. After a moment, the younger mare huffed and her mouth turned into a pained scowl. “My friend, the-the one who wept on my shoulder, would never act like this.” She stood and walked to the door. “A-And, you know? I really miss that friend. She took care of me when I was too naive. She cried on my s-shoulder. Maybe one day I could have cried on hers, too. But you?” Spindle sniffled and opened the door. A tear trailed down her cheek. “Let me know if she ever comes back.” She walked away. Firefly deflated like a balloon. A few moments later, she had the good sense to close the door before her own tears fell. That was not what she wanted. Spindle was… the one friend she had left, and she hadn’t had many. In fact, she could only really say she’d had three. One of them was far away in another city, another now hated her, and the last… Firefly grimaced at the pain in her head and chest. She knew she should tell the queen or Arista or General Elytra, but she didn’t have the heart. As dangerous as Spindle’s thoughts could become, as much as Firefly’s mind was screaming to, she couldn’t, not to her. She wasn’t sure what she was afraid of if she told any of them, but Spindle certainly didn’t deserve it. She raised a hoof and tapped against the crack on her head. Only a tiny twinge of pain came in response. With a huff, she wiped the tears from her eyes. Tomorrow. I’ll get this resin off, then I can get out of here. She dragged herself to her sleeping hole and ignored the gaping wound in her heart.