Once upon a time, in the town of Ponyville, there lived a simple earth pony named Mare. Some would say that she was the most cultured elephant in all the land. The only problem? She was so boring. Seriously. She had the most bland looking OC design ever. Honestly, it was like someone put a prompt into a pony creator website and she was born. Well...that explains a lot actually because she didn’t really have any parents. For some reason, and she did not know why they were all dead. Anyway, she lived a normal life away from society and wait, didn’t I just saying she lives in Ponyville? Oh yes I did! Screw it. I will not edit this. That's right, she led a normal life away from humanity in Ponyville and had no friends. Well, maybe one friend, but that was her stuffed Teddy Bear named Bear. And he didn’t really talk either, so she ignored him because he wasn’t real, which made him really sad and he silently vowed that he would one day overthrow his master and seize the means of production for his fellow stuffed animals.
She kept mostly to herself and had no intercourse with anyone. After all, her existence was so ordinary that she never expected that she would be destined for something much greater than herself. She fed the countryside and cut down the winter grain. I know it's such a boring job. Seriously, how much more boring can ponies get than they already are? Farming is so boring.
"I am so content with my life," exclaimed Mare happily. "There is absolutely nothing that can go wrong now!"
One fateful day, her life changed forever when a certain villain named Villain appeared out of nowhere and took over all of Ponyville! The Six Mane tried to stop her, but she was too powerful and could not be stopped. In a tragic twist, she used her intentionally unexplained OP powers to banish them all the moon. It seemed like all was lost just like that..But that was when none other than Twilight Sparkle arrived and fought Villain alone in a magical duel. The battle was fierce, and everyone watched in horror as the two Titans battled for control.
However, when Twilight was about to get the upper hand, I mean a hoof (I’m still not editing this thing, you can't make me), Villain stabbed her in the heart with a sword! Oh no! The Princess of Friendship was dead! We can't let that happen! Suddenly there was a ringing sound and Villain checked her cellphone (yes, cellphones exist in G4 Equestria now, Yay), only to see that Hasbro had called her from the great beyond. She hesitated. How could Hasbro be calling her?
She sighed and picked it up. "Yes?" "We can't have you be killing our main character," Hasbro stated through the line. "Death is an absolutely taboo subject that cannot be in any MLP story! Not even implied!! You know how sensitive kids are in today’s society. If you don't bring Twilight back, we're suing you for 10 billion dollars!!”
"Haven't you guys moved on to G5 already?" He argued wrongly. "What does it matter if I kill your old protagonist? Time doesn't matter!"
Hasbro looked into it. “Oh…yeah. That's right." Then the pride quickly returned. "Well, we still want her for marketing and likeness purposes! Bring her back or we'll file a lawsuit against you!"
She moaned softly. "Ugh, fine. I can't handle any more lawsuits."
So Twilight was revived using a Hoof-Powered Recovery Center that appeared right next to her dead body, and was banished to the moon with her friends! It didn't take long for Villain to take over Ponyville and cover the sky with a red cloud. The kingdom became an apocalyptic wasteland where all the ponies are out for themselves and coolness has literally died. She took the throne and brainwashed the rest of Equestria into following his lead.
Unfortunately for her, one pony escaped and that was Mare. Hiding far from the city, she vowed to save Equestria and rid the country of Villain's evil curse.
"I will save Equestria and all the ponies in it!" Mare declared proudly. "I don't know why I have any investment in this mission, I mean, I don't know anypony here, but who cares?! I'm the main character and this has to be done!"
So she embarked on an epic quest beyond Equestria in an attempt to find the only artifact that could defeat Villain called the Generic Macguffin. It was an ancient device that Celestia and Luna used to imprison a even eviler evil called the Even More Villainous Villain, who is Villain's great-grandmother.
Armed only with a map in her hoof, she tore through the odds and trekked through the fiercest weather. She did not suffer and would not allow herself to be deterred at all. She would see the day saved at no cost, because she was the main character of this story, and all that was all that mattered.
Her quest took her to the Temple of Arcaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(Story.exe has stopped working), which was where the artifact was last seen. Unfortunately for her, a great pool of lava blocked his way, and she had to cross. There was no bridge nor rocks, which seemed to end the road for her at that very moment. But she was deterred. She would find the artifact no matter what and use it to defeat Villain.
So she grew wings and flew over the lava. Entering the temple, she finally found Macguffin sitting atop a table, unguarded. But just as she was about to grab it, a roar was heard, and an evil-looking snake slipped under the table. Yes, I know snakes don't roar, but this one does. Don’t ask me why, he just does. Don't question the logic of this story or else-
I am a snake," the snake introduced itself. “The snake that was sent here on behalf of all my fellow snakes to guard this Temple and the Generic Macguffin! You shall not pass!"
"I need the Generic MacGuffin to save my minions,” Mare told him boldly. “An evil villain named Villain has taken over Equestria and turned the kingdom into a wasteland.”
"Before you pass, you must answer a riddle." The snake replied calmly.
"Fine."
"All right then!!" announced the snake. "Which is 8 billion÷3,000,000,000,000÷7,000,000,000-9 divided by the square root of 79 to the power of zero÷0-80+99 all that is multiplied by 2+4+9+10+11+12+13+14+ 35+4444 +60 bazillion +2,500,000,000×1/2 multiplied by the square root of pi?"
"9!" Mare replied happily. Since she was the wisest elephant in all of Equestria, she certainly knew what the answer was. She knew everything.
"Correct!" The snake was so proud that she had answered the riddle accurately. “No one has ever managed to crack this riddle in ages! Here. Take the MacGuffin. But to be warned. With great power comes great responsibility.”
“I'm a Mary Sue,” Mare pointed out. "I don't need to be told this."
“Fair point,” the snake conceded. “After all, you did randomly grow wings out of nowhere. Whatever, just get out of my sight so I can go back to bed. I sleep on the floor.”
"Oh…" Mare commented, feeling a little bad for the guardian. "That's…actually kind of sad."
Anyway, so Mare just left the poor snake to cry alone in his misery for the rest of his life (what a cool and likeable character, am I right?), and with the Generic MacGuffin secure in her possession, she returned to Equestria and he confronted Villain in the cliché ultimate final battle for harmony.
She burst through the doors with relative ease as there was no one guarding it. It turns out that Villain didn't really have the whole "conquering Equestria" thing figured out, as she forgot to pay the annual bills for new royal guards, so the IRS got mad and took them away, leaving her with no protection whatsoever.
"Villain! Your reign of terror is over!" The horse challenged her. "I have acquired a generic MacGuffin and challenge you to a duel for the fate of Equestria! If I win, I will leave the kingdom forever.”
"How did you escape?!” Villain screeched, his fury increasing by the second. "You can not be here! I MIND-CONTROLLED EVERYPONY IN THE LAND!!!"
"It doesn't matter," Mare replied calmly. “I am here to save my fellow ponies. I'm here to avenge the Princess. And I'm here to fight for friendship.”
"You will never defeat me!"
"Taste me."
Villain was stunned by her confidence, even though she would never admit it. She would not show weakness. She was a villain and villains did what villains always did. They got the job done, and she would never let herself be defeated by a mere helpless mortal who had accidentally grown wings out of nowhere, simply due to the plot of the story demanding that of her.
And so the duel began. Both brandished their lightsabers and fought to the death. The fight between them was intense and leveled the entire castle. As the hero and villain tried to destroy each other, thunder sounded outside, and lightning struck the ground. There was no mercy to be had. Either one of them died or the other. Redemption would not be found in this darkest hour.
However, try as she might, Mare was finally overwhelmed and forced onto the ground. She had lost, and was about to be killed. Villain raised her sword in the air and prepared to slash her. Normally this is where I want it to end, right? A strong, charming villain kills the plucky protagonist. But since we can never have win the bad guy in these types of stories (seriously, when has THAT ever happened? Honestly, it’s heresy), it can't end like this...can it?
And so the cliche Deus Ex Machina moment occurred. Just when she was about to die, she remembered that she had the Generic MacGuffin in her possession the whole time. Honestly, why hasn’t she used that yet? What a dumb main character.
Anyway, once she finally realized that she had it the time, she looked up in the face of death and spat in its face. “Don't underestimate me, Villain! For I am the good witch Mare, warrior of peace!”
"Excuse me?" Villain demanded, clearly getting no reference.
"NOW EAT THIS, SUCKAAA!" Mare cried out, whipping out her claws and slamming the generic MacGuffin into his neck as hard as she could. The thistle ignited and magical energy began to sparkle. It was time for the anime-style climatic finisher, and that meant she was going to transform into a magical girl. Buy our toys!
And so a bright light enveloped her and lit up the entire room, turning her into a full on Alicorn! Magical Girl Alicorn Mare with Glow-in-the-Dark Lights Figure Coming Soon to a Hasbro Store near you. It's only $9,000!! It’s worth it, trust me- She had unlocked her full potential and nothing could take her down now.
"This is impossible!" cried Villain. "You can't be more powerful than me! I AM INEVITABLE!!!"
The horse laughed at her. "And I am Iron Man." With her alicorn power, she blew a hole through the ceiling and sent a huge Sonic Rainboom across Equestria. The explosion spreads throughout the kingdom, and everypony is immediately freed from the spell.
Villain screamed and roared as all his work was destroyed and she couldn’t do anything. The land was freed from the apocalypse, the earth is cleansed, and the orange clouds cleared to reveal a beautiful blue sky. She watched in horror as Mare conjured a large beam of magical magic intended to finish her off.
"NO!!!" cried the villain. "WHO ARE YOU TO DEFY ME?! THIS WORLD IS MY RIGHT!!!!!"
Mare doesn't waste any time and fired the blast at Villain, enveloping her into a whirlwind of pure harmonic power. Whe screamed and literally began to break into pieces. Her horn disappeared first, followed by the hind hooves. She was being disinterested into nothing, and nothing could stop it. She howled in pain as the magic burned her entire being and incinerated her slowly. She continued to scream until her face disappeared into nothingness and she was gone.
The day was saved. Celebrations broke out across Equestria as the ponies celebrated the defeat of their enemy. Twilight and her friends returned from the Moon and congratulated Mare for her bravery.
"I think I speak for all of us when I say that I want you as my personal protégé," Twilight told her kindly. "You have saved us all and you’ve earned it."
"Thanks Princess!" Mare shouted. “I promise I won't let you down. As long as we're together, it seems like nothing can go wrong again!”
“That’s the thing about looks though.” came an unfamiliar voice behind them. “They can be deceiving.”
The ponies all turned, only to see none other than Bear standing with an army of stuffed animals at the entrance to the throne room.
"Bear?!" Mare was shocked upon seeing him. "What are you doing here?! And how are you even alive? You're literally a teddy bear."
“I just am,” Bear replied smugly. “I've been alive this whole time and I've watched you neglect me for years. And guess what? I WAS THE REAL VILLAIN ALL ALONG!!!”
"Wait, WHAT?!" Pinkie Pie demanded, gasping in shock.
"Yes, you were all completely fooled!" The evil teddy bear gloated. "Villain was just a puppet I made using the powers of voodoo. She was only meant to buy me time to build an army. And now that she is no longer useful, I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU FILTHY PONYS AND HAVE JUSTICE FOR MY FELLOW STUFFED ANIMALS!!!”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Mare screamed.
And so Bear proceeded to immediately massacre Mare and the Friendship Council before moving on to the rest of Equestria. He killed everypony else faster than a millisecond and sacked Canterlot. The other creatures tried to fight him, but they were all killed as well and their kingdoms were also destroyed.
Soon there was no one left in the world except Bear and his army. He then proceeded to rebuild Equestria in his image and establish a constitutional democracy where all stuffed animals and toys are equal.