//------------------------------// // Restlessness // Story: Missing the Past // by Sea Jewel //------------------------------// ~Five~ Since this morning when she had that altercation with Rarity, Applejack had been doing nothing but sulking in her bed. She sulked often, now that she thought about it. She wanted to go apologise to Rarity, but at the same time, felt oddly embarrassed. I just straight on told her she owes me an explanation for something I had no right in. That’s just plain wrong.  Everything just feels so wrong. Applejack groaned, rolling over onto her stomach and placing her chin on her hands as she stared out her window into the vast forest of apple trees. She gazed longingly outside at them. It just didn’t feel the same as it did two summers ago. Now as she walked through the trees she was reminded how lonely she was in comparison to the summer where Rainbow Dash used to walk alongside her. A smile came to Applejack’s face as she corrected herself- raced alongside her. A pretty sound rang through the trees as two girls chased each other through the orchard, the sun low in the sky, getting ready to set. The low sun was a definite contrast to the girls who were full of life and laughter. What started out as a race had turned into Applejack trying to catch Rainbow. The smaller girl was always faster than Applejack. Which was okay, because she spent her life aiming to be the fastest. Applejack was stronger anyway. “Come on AJ! I thought I was being chased by Applebloom for a second!” Rainbow called, turning her head to look at Applejack. “I’m just taking it easy on ya Dash. I gotta let you have at least a bit of fun.” Applejack jeered, a snark smile on her face. They were neck and neck, and Applejack wagered that if she pulled out her arms she would be able to grab Rainbow, but as soon as the thought came to her, Rainbow pulled forward, creating distance between them once again. Applejack smiled, she hadn’t felt this happy in a long time, and Rainbow Dash was like a breath of fresh air to her. She felt so light with her, like with her she didn’t have any problems to worry about. They ran for a while until they both started getting slower and more tired. At that point, Applejack used the rest of her energy to push forward, her hands wrapping around Dash’s waist and pulling her back, the momentum causing the both of them to tumble through the grass until they stopped just before an apple tree, with Applejack accidentally pinning Rainbow to the ground. Her arms were beside her head and her body lay against Rainbow’s, both of them out of breath and shocked. She felt Rainbow’s sharp breaths from under her and looked at her pink eyes staring wide in her direction. At that moment, it was just them laying against each other under the apple tree. Applejack thought Rainbow looked different then. She looked really pretty. For the first time since they had been friends, Applejack’s heart jumped at the sight of her. Rainbow stared up at her quietly, unable to catch her breath, and Applejack loved the feel of the girl under her.  She never considered her sexual orientation before, until she found herself tangled against Dash. She wanted nothing more than to lean down and feel her lips on her own. A realisation came to her then that scared her. Quickly she pulled herself up from Rainbow, coughing to break the silence. Rainbow chuckled then, slowly getting up herself.  “I guess that’s a tie?” --- “Thank you so much for agreeing to babysit at the last minute dear.” A tall, pale, blue lady smiled, clutching her purse in front of her with both hands. “Work has been busy this time of year and I’ve been called tonight to help finalise a project.” She looked at the two girls in front of her, both of them holding very odd, wide smiles. She narrowed her eyes, “You be good now, August. Pinkie Pie was very kind to take her time to care for you.” She gave the little girl she called August a kiss on the forehead before saying her goodbyes and closing the door as she left. The two waited a while more until they heard the car engine turn on, before sharply turning to face each other. “You know what time it is!” Pinkie shouted, as though she was commanding orders in the military. “Popcorn and Ice Cream! Mrs Ma’am!” The little girl August responded, saluting to Pinkie, before running into the kitchen to grab the snacks as Pinkie set up the board games for the two of them to play. She hummed a tune as she set it up, her hair in two curly bunches on either side of her head. She wore a pink and yellow colourblock dress with mismatched socks and crocs- completely contrasting the house she babysat for. The house itself was an extravagant classical piece of architecture with fireplaces and wooden carved panelling, intricate patterns falling down the sides of the pillars. It was a giant mansion, courtesy of the kid’s mother, Winter Moon’s, profession. Pinkie sat against the fur rug just as August moon came running in with the food. “Awesome!” Pinkie said, patting the spot next to her for August to sit. Pinkie Pie often babysat as a casual job to gain a bit extra money on the side for tuition, and out of all the children she took care of, August was her favourite. Particularly because she was the kindest and most fun to babysit.  “Pinkie,” August whispered excitedly, cupping her hand around the pink girl’s ear. “Guess what! We have a new chef and he’s exactly like you.” She giggled. Pinkie’s eyes widened in excitement. “A new friend!” She exclaimed looking around excitedly. “I wanna meet him!” The child continued to giggle, “He’s not here now silly. Mummy said he has to go home to his family at night so he doesn’t stay over.” Pinkie smiled at her. “I bet! Family is important isn’t it Moonie?” August nodded eagerly. And then for some reason Pinkie wasn’t too sure of, she seemed to become upset. And Pinkie hated seeing that. She decided to change the topic, and grabbed some sprinkles from the coffee table. “Do you want to see a magic trick?” She whispered, bringing her palm of sprinkles close. She watched August’s pupils dilate in excitement as she focused on her palm. Pinkie closed her fist then, and in a quick motion, threw the sprinkles in the air. The two watched, August’s jaw wide open as the sprinkles glowed and burst into a soft cloud of glitter. Pinkie had gained much better control of her powers since they had first discovered it a couple years ago and now she’s able to make explosions, not so explosive. Her favourite trick to do when babysitting, and the children just loved it every time.  “How did you do that?” August asked in awe, still staring at where the sprinkles had dissipated.  Pinkie giggled, poking her in her right cheek. “I can’t tell you that silly, It will ruin the fun.” She said, choosing to keep this secret just between a small number of people. Rumours of magic girls had gone around Canterlot city, but after a few months, it had died down as most people had never seen anything to prove any truth behind it. Her and her friends preferred to keep it that way. Starting up stories again will just be more of a nuisance.  As the two settled against the couch, Pinkie couldn’t seem to focus on the cartoon on the screen. She was reminded of August’s sudden sadness at the mention of family, and Pinkie felt that she was too young to be going through those emotions. It reminded her of herself in a way. Too young and happy for the people around her. At times it felt almost impossible to hold that happiness all the time, especially when the people around you weren’t appreciative of it. In high school, freshman year was the first time Pinkie had felt that happiness kind of just flowed through without putting effort in. It was the year she had met her friends and since then she never thought twice about this feeling. Not until a few years ago when the group disbanded.  All of a sudden it was much harder to keep that happiness flowing, and frankly, it tired Pinkie to force it all the time. --- Rarity was at the Emerald Court, a prestigious Casino in the Crystal Empire, home to only the richest of people with starting bids of at least nine hundred dollars. Of course, Rarity had never gambled at the Emerald Court, but she did love the architecture, the luxury, and the drinks. Not to mention that there was always a gentleman somewhere waiting for her. She sat at a booth by herself, a champagne in her hand as she stared at the crowd in the casino, groups of people gathered against blackjack tables and poker machines. The casino itself was more of a club slash bar, and not everyone entered with the intent of spending money. Her dress was long, black and satin, with an off-the-shoulder neckline that was bordered with a white fur. Her hair hung in loose curls as she swished her champagne in the glass.  It wasn’t long before a man decided to come up to her, tall with slicked back hair, suited for the occasion. He didn’t look much older than Rarity, maybe in his early twenties. “Is this seat taken?” He asked, and Rarity couldn’t help but notice the charm just flow from him. He was handsome, with a sharp jawline and cool eyes that seemed to stare into Rarity’s own. It was unusual for Rarity to feel intimidated. Usually she had the control over the man, and this new feeling wasn’t entirely unpleasant. Rarity nodded to the booth, allowing him to take a seat before her. She straightened up as she felt his eyes look over her, eating up each and every detail. Rarity couldn’t bring herself to do the same. “You don’t look like the type to gamble.” “Nor you. How many games have you lost?” Rarity spoke. The man chuckled, “I don’t lose.” He said, the smirk refusing to leave his face. Rarity returned the smile, she didn’t know what game he was playing, but she wouldn’t lose at it. “So tell me, what is so fascinating about this place…Rarity?” She didn’t expect that. She blinked a couple times in surprise before returning back to her usual demeanour. “Have you been stalking me?” She asked, crossing a leg over the other, her finger tracing her wine glass. “Everyone knows the mysterious Rarity. You’re here almost every week.” His eyes drifted to her glass. “At this very place.”  Not so mysterious Rarity moreso, she thought to herself. “You intrigued me.” “And you too. I suppose it’s fair to ask for a name?” “Krystal.” “Peculiar.” Rarity said. “Rare.” Krystal replied. It was silent for a while as the two stared at each other, the tension high, and the lust heavy. “You seem to have taken a liking to my dress.” “Or what’s under it.” He said, his eyes never leaving her. Rarity grinned proudly before leaning across the table and lowering her voice. “You’re fortunate, Krystal. I might want you as much as you want me.”  “I want you more than that.” --- The room was dark, blinds shut tight in the late afternoon sunlight as a certain girl yearned to gain just a few minutes of sleep. Her heart rate was quick, and she sweated even in the colder temperature. Her button up shirt was sticky against her skin and her pants had bunched up against her knees as she constantly tossed and turned in bed. Her anxiety had tripled since she saw Rarity this morning, and she felt  like scratching her eyes out in an attempt to calm herself down. She hadn’t slept in a couple days now and it was getting harder to form thoughts without thinking about the Xanax or KL or the lost shipment. At one point, even the thought of robbing a pharmacy with the help of her animal friends seemed good. Until she remembered who she was and where she was. Even thinking it was horrible to Fluttershy, and she began to scare herself with these thoughts. Her mind forced her to remember this morning- Rarity’s tense face when she tried to tutor Fluttershy and it ached her to think about it. She hated being a nuisance, and she could tell then and there Rarity was getting fed up with her zoning out. It was fair, Fluttershy thought, and Rarity had a right to be upset at her. It still caused a pit in her stomach everytime she thought about it. --- Rarity moaned against Krystal’s shoulder as they lay tangled against a hotel bed. Her hair was matted and her skin was coated in a layer of sweat as she spent yet another night with another man she didn’t know, but she wasn’t alone and she was with someone who appreciated her and she loved it. Krystal panted against her and the two moved rhythmically for a while before they rolled off each other and lay beside one another in bed. There was no talking and Rarity felt tired but she refused to sleep. She listened to the stranger beside her doze off peacefully as she stared up at the ceiling. An empty feeling she could never seem to chase away returned. --- Fluttershy felt helpless as her body yearned to sleep and her mind yearned to be normal and her heart yearned to have someone with her. She yearned to be courageous enough to tell her darkest secrets without fearing judgement. But most of all she wanted someone to help her. She couldn’t even cry anymore, those tears dried up hours ago. So she curled up to her side, arms tucking her knees into her side as she shrunk in on herself. She absolutely hated the feeling of being lonely. And it was as though someone had heard her thoughts because she heard her door slam open and in a panic she sat up, eyes wide and heart beating too fast at the thought of someone seeing her in this dishevelled state. “Hey Flutters I just wanted to pick up the jumper I left…” Rainbow Dash paused at the doorway, taking in her closest, oldest, friend’s state. Her skin was pale and her lips were cracked and Rainbow Dash tried to ignore the opened pill bottles on her night stand. Rainbow had never seen Fluttershy in the state she was in and it scared her. It scared her that she had never noticed Fluttershy’s mental state before. As Rainbow stood still against the doorway, Fluttershy sat frozen on her bed, her eyes never leaving Rainbow Dash, too afraid of what she was going to do seeing her like this. She didn’t breathe as Rainbow walked over to her on the bed and she drank in every small change in her friend’s expression. Rainbow’s eyes moved around Fluttershy’s face, and the withdrawn girl could only see concern from her oldest friend.  She wanted her to leave, to never have seen her like this, to not have barged into her room like it was her own, to not just interrogate her face and her room without consent. There was something different in Rainbow’s eyes then, and Fluttershy noticed it. Rainbow’s eyes began to pool with tears as she watched her best friend lose herself to pills and lies. Rainbow leaned forward then and wrapped her arms around her friend. For Fluttershy, the touch felt so foreign that she almost recoiled. Then she realised that Rainbow Dash hadn’t run away from her. Before long, Fluttershy’s chest constricted and she began to shake, burying her head into Rainbow’s shoulder and soaking it in tears, Rainbow’s hand gently rubbing her back the only touch keeping her from becoming dizzy. She had carried this secret for so long she didn’t realise how much she could breathe when she shared it with someone else.  Rainbow rested her head against Fluttershy’s staring at the wall behind her, a far away look in her eyes. She replayed the scene over and over in her head, her looking at Fluttershy and how she could be so close to losing herself forever , like her father did. It scared her so much she wanted nothing but to hold Fluttershy forever and shield her from any harm. Fluttershy wasn’t her best friend, she was her sister and as her eyes fell to the pills on the table, she was nauseated thinking about how much she suffered without anyone knowing. There was so much she wanted to know, and so much she had to do. Sunset and Twilight were waiting for her. But this was her best friend, and even if they hadn’t been close in a while, she still loved her and she would be damned if she left her in a state like this. She decided that tonight she would be there for Fluttershy. No talking, no asking questions. She would just be there until she was sick of her.  As the two girls lay against the headboard, with Fluttershy laying her head against Rainbow’s chest, the yellow girl felt her heart slow into a pace that matched the other girl’s, and for the first time in a long time, her breathing slowed and her eyes felt heavy. Rainbow watched as Fluttershy fell into a slumber beside her.