Me, Myself and I

by Cynical Page


5 - So what now?

"OW! Rarity! I think you poked me on accident!" Joey yelped, recoiling from the accidental prick from a needle. He was currently standing in her home that doubled as a boutique. It had been a couple days since the awful news had been dealt at that meeting, but all of the humans agreed to attend the Gala. At this point Joey was almost surprised that they remembered to ask him.

"I'm terribly sorry, darling, I'm still getting used to the dimensions you humans have." she replied gently as she added some stitches to a pant leg. "It's very hard to do without a mannequin."

"Oh... I didn't think about that."

"Don't worry about it, dear. Now hold still while I finish these last couple stitches and you'll be free to go." the fashionista replied while focused very carefully on the task at hand.

Sure enough, five minutes later Joey found himself at the door. "Thanks so much, Rarity. Are you sure about the payment?? I can pay you back once I find a job -"

"No no no, I simply cannot accept that." Rarity giggled. "It is my honor to be able to try my hoof at designing for you and your friends!"

Hmm. Friends, huh? Not exactly what he'd call them. Ever since he argued with Clara and Andre at the meeting they seemed distant. He didn't hate any of them (though he would have some choice words for Clara if he had the chance) and the thought of being separate from them made him feel...

...really, really lonely.

As Joey walked through town, he came to a stop outside the local movie theater. The bright and colorful posters hanging outside had caught his undivided attention. He really never really thought about it, but what were these pony-made films like? Would they compare to the ones back home?

His mind wandered even further. They definitely had books here, but what about music? How far had their entertainment industry come? Those were the areas he had hoped to work in back on Earth, maybe he could find a career like that here.

He peeled himself away from the posters and kept walking. As he moved through the market he caught Bill standing outside an apple stand - undoubtedly Applejack's. "Oi Bill! Are the apples any good?"

Bill gave a start and whipped around. "Oh! Yeah, they're pretty good. Best I've had at any rate. What brings you here?"

Joey waved his hand behind him. "Rarity was working on my tux for the Gala."

"Oh right, the Gala!" Bill's face fell a little bit. They both knew Celestia would be making the announcement about there extended stay at the supposedly prestigious dance. Party. Thingy. "Are you gonna bring anyone?"

"You can't be serious." Joey snorted. "Like who? The only two human girls here I barely even know."

"I guess that's a solid point." he agreed with a grim expression. "I guess you wouldn't have to bring a date. It is still a dance, after all."

"You read way too many romance mangas, Bill."

"Hey! It's a guilty pleasure!"

Joey let out a 'pff' and shook his head. "Isn't this stand Applejack's? Where is she?"

"She'll be right back, she's doing something." Bill responded. "I'm just waiting for them to return."

"Them?" Joey asked, blinking. "Is she with someone?"

"She was with me. Was there an issue?" said a familiar, very annoying voice. Joey turned to see Applejack and Clara walking their direction.

"Not particularly." Joey replied curtly. "Why did you have to say it like that?"

"Bill and I were doing something, you're just interrupting." she said with an annoyed look.

Joey felt his blood begin to boil again. "Alright, pause. Did I do something to you? You've been nothing but rude to me. For no reason."

"I don't have to tell you my reasons." Clara shot back. "The only reason you even came was to be our camera man. We don't need you butting into our group of friends."

"Well aren't you a piece of work!" Joey spat. "Aren't we all supposed to be in this together?"

"Guys, please..." Bill pleaded. Applejack seemed like she wanted to say something but couldn't find the words.

"Find your own group of friends!" Clara snapped. "The others might not know who you are, but I do."

"I'm sorry, what??" Joey asked.

"What are you talking about, Clara?" Bill asked softly. At least Joey wasn't the only one who thought that had made no sense.

"His sister bullied me for years!!" she hissed, glaring daggers at him. "Your little brother was no better when they were in on it together!! Tossing rocks at me, stealing my bike, telling lies to people at school!!!"

Joey raked his mind. He vaguely remembered his siblings getting in trouble because of something that happened with the neighbor kid, but he was sure little Caleb was blameless. "Look, I don't know if that's true or not but if it is then I'm so-"

"IT WAS TRUE, OKAY!? QUIT THE ACT!!" Clara shouted, and now lots of ponies were looking their way. "YOU KNEW YOUR SISTER WAS A BULLY AND DID NOTHING!!"

"How is that my fault??" Joey argued. There was hardly any reasoning behind her tirade, only stupid fucking assumptions. "I literally have no idea when or where any of it happened!!"

"She has a point, Joey." Bill said softly, standing at her side. "You seriously had no idea? I can understand not knowing Clara's past, but you should have at least known how bad your sister was to her."

"Wha - how - wha??" Joey sputtered. "How does that even make sense? Are you actually agreeing with her on this??"

"She was bullied, Joey!! By your sister!! Of course she doesn't trust you!!" he argued.

"I'm not my sister!!" Joey angrily refuted. "She's just using my blood relation and her sob story as an excuse to be an absolute BITCH!!!"

Gasps erupted around the crowd that had been gathering. "HEY NOW!!" cried Applejack angrily.

Bill got up in Joey's face. "Don't. Call. Her. A. Bitch."

"What are you, her-" Joey began, but a sharp pain he felt in the back of his head as something hard collided with him made him stop. He looked around to see Applejack standing there with her hoof raised.

"You really need ter watch yer language." she said, looking pissed.

"Are you really siding with this bilge?" Joey snarled. "Whatever my sister may have done was not my fault!!!"

"Birds of a feather." Clara growled.

The injustice of this was making Joey's mind do somersaults. None of this made sense. Just a nonsensical outburst - and then when he made one slip-up, everyone was mad at him.

"I'm not even going to argue with you. You're just delusional with grief." Joey spat at Clara.

As he turned to leave Clara shouted, "WE'LL NEVER BE SEEING OUR FAMILIES AGAIN. REALLY??? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO USE A LOW-BLOW??"

No. This wasn't going to slide. He spun around to face her again. "IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, NEITHER WILL I!! DON'T MAKE THIS ABOUT YOU!!"

He stomped off, too angry to listen to anyone else. He was pretty sure he heard his name being called but he kept walking. If this was going to be his new life, he was going to be in for one hell of a ride. He was going home.


It had been two more days since the huge blowout in the marketplace, and Joey had stayed inside as soon as he got home for almost all of that time. He had picked up some copies of books about the entertainment industry while he was at it. If he was going to shut himself away for a bit, he might as well study up.

No one had bothered knocking. He wasn't surprised by this. At this point he was nearly certain that everyone either spited him or that he was just invisible. A bit of both. Regardless he had seriously considered moving away. Las Pegasus looked like the place to be if he wanted to make any sort of start with the career he wanted to have. He'd be happy with any job as long as it contributed something to the entertainment industry.

As he was reading up on the history of Equestrian movies (which was shockingly brief), he heard a knock at his door. Taking care to make no sound he crept over to the window to get a discreet look. It was Fluttershy. Normally he would have let her in, but she was frowning. Probably not a good sign. He would just pretend that he wasn't home.

Surprisingly, she persisted for a little while. "I know you're in there! Please talk to us. Please?"

"Maybe he did go out for a bit..." Bill's voice said. Joey clenched his jaw.

"Are you sure you haven't seen him since the fight?" Fluttershy asked.

"Yeah... he stomped off and then we never..."

Their voices trailed off as they walked away. Joey lay down on the floor spread-eagled, feeling incredibly depressed. Good 'ol Bill.


"You sure it fits alright, dear?" Rarity asked as she finished tying the bow tie onto Joey's tuxedo. Two more days of sitting alone at home had passed (no one else came knocking, surprise surprise). It was the day of the Gala, and they would be taking the train up to 'Canterlot' (which was their capital, Joey had read up on it) where they would pretty much hop off and head straight to the party.

"Yeah, you've done an impressive job!" Joey praised, and he wasn't kidding. He had worn a tux on one other occasion - his dad's funeral - and it had been rather uncomfortable. This one, however, was extremely well-fitted. He could move his joints and would feel no tightness anywhere.

Rarity beamed, sensing the human's genuine appreciation. "I'm glad you think so, darling. You look very dashing in a suit, I must say!"

"You think so?" he asked, feeling very flattered. He wasn't often complimented on his looks. "That means a lot, Rarity. Thanks."

"I wouldn't lie to you, would I?" she asked in a tinkling voice. "Now, chop chop!! Everypony's waiting for us at the train station."

A lump formed in Joey's throat. He really didn't want to see the others. Especially Clara. After thinking about it for a bit, there was definitely more than just pettiness that would have driven her to have taken such a bias against him. It definitely had to have been some sort of trauma. In a way, he started to pity her. If he was right, how far did it go? What had his sister actually done?

Rarity must have seen the look on hi face betraying him. "Everything is going to be fine, darling. Applejack told me about what happened back there with Clara and Bill. I must say that while I can see where she was coming from, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Besides swearing, of course. You seem sorry enough about that anyway," she said with a half smile at Joey, who did not return it.

For such a small and simple fight, it felt stupid to think about how badly it affected him. He could see the others take Clara's side, and he wanted nothing to do with it anymore. If they wanted to push him out, it would only hurt more if he fought it.

The two of them walked to the station together, making small talk along the way. When they arrived they found Twilight and the others standing around in a huge group. Spike was there, too. If there was one here who Joey truly seemed to be seen by, it was Spike.

"Ah, Rarity! You two are here! Shall we get on?" Twilight asked brightly. Joey avoided the eyes of the other four humans at all cost.

Before he could get on the train, Applejack stopped him. "Ah'm sorry for what Ah did. Ah shouldn't have hit ya."

He really didn't feel like talking to her, even though she was being genuine. "Sure, no worries. Don't sweat it." Without another word he pushed past her onto the train.

There were many seats, many of which were mostly taken. As he walked by Bill's spot Bill tried to smile at him. Joey simply gave him a curt nod before sitting down. Even though Bill was the only one here who seemed to take him seriously, Joey was still upset about that reaction he had in the market. It made him wonder if he had a thing for Clara.

He took his seat as the train's whistle hollered in the distance. Fortunately it was empty, so he had plenty of space. He wasn't looking forward to the train ride since it probably involved thinking about things. Thinking about things would inevitably lead to thinking about being stuck here. He didn't want to do that.

Luckily he came prepared with headphones and his phone. One nice thing about this place was that Twilight had evidently given them all permanent battery life on their phones with magic. Even though it happened while he was in urgent care it didn't really phase him. Even though he couldn't call, text, or use the internet he could at least still listen to his music to his heart's content.

He would need it for the trip.


Canterlot was fucking cool. At least it was in Joey's nerdy mind. A city built on the tall slopes of a mountain with cool architecture? Yes please.

The princesses were there at the station to greet their special guests. As they all left the trains behind, Celestia, Luna, and a pink princess Joey had never seen smiled down at them. The pink one made eye contact with him, and instantly he felt her warm, piercing gaze, as if she was reading his mind.

Yikes. He hoped not.

"Welcome, all!" Celestia warmly announced. "I'm so glad you decided to join us tonight, human friends. Times are tough, and they will be tough. Starting tonight, let's make the most of what we have!"

She had a good point, thought Joey. Very wise. He still wasn't looking forward to this, but it was at least worth acknowledging.

They began making their way through the city. The locals seemed less friendly than those in Ponyville, but many still waved to the humans anyway. Humans were well known in Equestria, from what Joey knew. They had made a fair amount of visits through the gateway, but he may or may not have zoned out for many of the lectures before they made the trip.

There was a tap on his shoulder, and he looked over to see Bill "What?"

"Just - I don't know, man. I shouldn't of gotten angry at you like that." he murmured.

"Took you a while to admit it too." Joey said wryly. "It's fine. Don't sweat it." Before Bill could reply he quickened his pace so that it sent the message that the conversation was over. Just in time, too, because the gates to the castle were in sight.

If he struggled to socialize in normal day to day life, how on earth was he going to survive a party like this?