“I’m telling you the moon is made out of cheese” Anon said.
It had been two years since Twilight Sparkle had moved to Ponyville, and eight months since she married the unicorn known as Anon.
The mysterious stallion just appeared out of nowhere one day. Nopony knew who he was or where he came from, only that against all odds, Twilight fell in love with him.
Even though he has some very… interesting ideas.
“Anon the moon isn’t made out of cheese. That is a scientific impossibility” Twilight replied using logic and basic common sense. Things alien to Anon.
She loved her husband dearly, but sometimes his blatant insanity wasn’t particularly appealing.
“Then what did Princess Luna eat for a thousand years then?” Anon asked rhetorically.
Now there he had her stumped.
While she could simply ask the princess, Twilight refused out of principle to allow a ruler of Equestria’s time to be wasted with this argument.
So borrowing a trick that Anon used whenever the Cutie Mark Crusaders bothered him, Twilight gave him a smirk.
“Ah, the old Bring Democracy to Cuba ruse” she thought to herself.
“Alright Anon, I’ll admit the moon is made out of cheese if you can bring back indisputable evidence” Twilight challenged.
“I know it’s made out of cheese, being right isn’t really a reward” Anon argued.
Thinking for a moment, she searched through her memories for something she could offer, something he wanted desperately enough to take her challenge.
“Alright, if you prove the moon is made out of cheese, I’ll let you tie me up and do whatever you want to me~” Twilight offered, fluttering her wings suggestively.
“We already do that every night you sub” Anon pointed out.
“I do mean anything~” Twilight stated.
That’s when the look of first utter shock then pure joy crept onto Anon’s face.
“You mean, BUTT STUFF!?” Anon said excitedly, wagging his tail like a dog at the promise of the one treat Twilight was reluctant to give.
Full of confidence, Anon retreated to the celler he had dug under the castle in order to give himself room to work on his projects.
And produce copious quantities of bootlegged alcohol which helped pay the bills quite a bit.
Sat at his desk, Anon scribbled schematics for a rocket onto his drawing paper.
It was a fairly simple design, and by that I mean the uninspired hack copy-pasted Wallace’s rocket from a Grand Day Out.
“Hey Anon, my new Power Ponies comic just got here if you wanna read together” Spike offered as he waddled down the steps into the cellar.
“Not really Spike, you know I dislike Power Ponies. Prefer my own work” Anon rebuffed.
“You do remember you got in trouble when you tried selling comics like that right? They made a whole new law about violence in foals comics because of it” Spike reminded his brother-in-law/step-dad/co-owner.
“Judge Dredd was too perfect for this world” Anon sighed.
“You had somepony die on the first page” Spike reminded him.
“He broke the law” Anon argued.
Rolling his eyes, Spike looked up onto the desk, curious what the green protagonist was working on.
“Are you making a rocket?” Spike asked.
“Yep” Anon replied.
“Why?” Spike asked.
“To get to the moon” Anon replied.
“Why?” Spike asked again, this time his voice sounding a little concerned.
“Because if I prove to Twilight it’s made out of cheese she'll let me put my shlong up her butthole” Anon explained.
Holding in the vomit, Spike shuddered slightly.
“You wanna come with me? Be the first dragon on the moon?” Anon offered.
Thinking for a second Spike shrugged his shoulders.
“Eh, sure” he agreed.
“Good because I broke one of my saw-horses and I need a replacement” Anon explained.
Now far less enthusiastic, Spike let the wooden door rest on his head as Anon began sawing it in half for building materials.
The rest of the week was spent finishing the rocket.
When done it took up most of the cellar, a bright coat of orange paint covering it.
“Right we’ve got everything let’s test this bad boy out” Spike said climbing the ladder into the cockpit.
Looking back, he saw Anon rummaging through the bags the duo had filled with picnic supplies.
“Everything ok Anon?” He asked.
“Crackers Spike, we almost forgot the crackers” Anon explained as he went back upstairs to fetch the much needed crackers.
Heading into the kitchen Anon saw Twilight and her friends gathered enjoying their lunch.
“Afternoon girls” Anon greeted.
“Hey Nonny” Pinkie greeted back.
“So have you proved the moon is made out of cheese yet?” Dash joked.
“Almost” Anon replied.
Rolling her eyes, Twilight went back to her sandwich.
“I can sense when you do that” Anon said, being able to tell when his wife rolls her eyes.
Truly the most useful superpower in any marriage.
“Anon, you’ve been going around town telling everypony you’re building a rocket to prove the moon is made out of cheese. It’s kind of hard not to roll my eyes” Twilight said.
“Still you could act less embarrassed, this is that giant sandwich competition all over again” Anon replied as he packed his saddle bag with as many crackers as he could.
“You entered ME into that giant sandwich competition” Twilight reminded him.
“Hey, they mislabeled that contest. “Equestria’s biggest sub” is a false advertisement” Anon defended himself.
Blushing profusely, Twilight tried to block out the giggling and snickering of her friends.
“Anon, sweetie” she said, grinding her teeth together as she did.
“Yes Bookworm?” Anon responded as he pulled out his custom cheese knife and cheese knife accessories from the cupboard before packing them.
“Please don’t bring our bedroom life up when we have guests, it’s bad enough you did it when Shining and Cadence came around” she requested, her teeth grinding getting audibly louder.
“Why not? Cadinator and I bonded over that. Although now I mention it the next time they came around Shining was walking funny” Anon replied.
Before he could face the full wrath of the now beet red princess, Anon trotted downstairs where Spike was waiting for him.
“Alright Spike, light the fuse and we’ll be off” Anon said as he entered the rocket.
Lighting the fuse Spike followed Anon quickly into the rocket and closed the door behind him.
Sitting in his armchair Anon watched Spike messing with the controls waiting to guide them to the moon.
“I feel like we’ve forgotten something” Anon mused.
He had the crackers, some picnic supplies.
What could he have forgotten?
“Oh shit I forgot to build an opening!” Anon called out in panic.
The rocket shot off with the force of a bullet, punching its way through the dirt as it flew into the skies over Equestria, destroying Rainbow Dash’s cloud home in the process.
“Groooooooomiiiiiiiiiiiiit!” Anon cried out in fear.
“Whooooooooooooooooooos Grooooooomiiiit!?” Spike asked, confused who Anon was talking about.
Watching the rocket leave their sight from the ground, the Main 6 wore a matching sight of shock.
“Hey Twilight… now you’ve lost your husband and your assistant. Can I move in?” Rainbow asked.
…
“I don’t know what you were so scared of Spike, that wasn’t so bad” Anon chuckled as the rocket left the atmosphere.
Cleaning up the large wet stain by the foot on Anon’s chair, Spike rolled his eyes.
“Only a few hours until we touch down, how about a game of cards while we wait?” Anon suggested.
“That… actually sounds fun” Spike agreed.
They did play cards.
And Anon lost, despite cheating several times.
…
Rushing to Canterlot, a distressed Twilight met with Princess Celestia and Luna.
“Twilight, what’s the matter?” Celestia asked.
“Princesses, I’m so sorry for interrupting you but it’s Anon. He’s shot himself and Spike into space and I need help getting them back” Twilight said in a rushed panic.
Confused, Celestia and Luna looked at each other before looking back to Twilight.
“Why would he do such a thing?” Luna asked.
Sighing, Twilight looked embarrassed before reluctantly telling the two alicorns the truth.
“Well, Anon’s trying to get to the moon to prove it’s made out of cheese because I promised him we’d try… bedroom things, if he could. But I didn’t think he’d actually try!” Twilight explained.
While Celestia seemed almost amused at the idea, Luna seemed very worried.
“W-wait a moment, you mean Prince Anon is attempting to get to the moon… to EAT it?” She nervously asked.
“Yes? Why?” Twilight asked, tilting her head in confusion at Luna’s sudden change of emotion.
“N-no reason. But we should probably get there and stop him before he eats any of the rocks… for his health” Luna said, wiping away some sweat from her brow.
Together, the three alicorns cast a multi-hour spell that sent them to the moon.
Arriving on the satellite's rocky surface the three alicorn took a second or two to adjust to the lower gravity.
Looking around them, the three princesses saw strange two foot tall pillars dotting the surface for miles.
In a large opening, they spotted Anon and Spike sitting on a picnic blanket eating some of the moon’s rocks on crackers.
“Wensleydale?” Anon asked, getting a head shake from the baby dragon.
“I’ve got to say lad this is like no cheese I’ve ever tasted. Let’s try another spot” Anon said as he started packing away the picnic.
“Anon!” Twilight yelled as she tackled her husband, rotating between kissing and choking the stallion.
In other words, Friday night.
“I can’t believe you two! You could have gotten hurt!” Twilight scolded them.
“Sorry Twilight” Spike apologised.
“Me too Hun, but I was right, the moon is made out of cheese” Anon said, holding up the half eaten rock on a cracker.
“Prince Anon… I don’t think you should be eating that” Luna warned, her face going a deep colour as she and Celestia watched the couple.
“Nonsense. Sure it tastes like fish but I remember the smell of cheese anywhere” Anon dismissed as he took another bite.
Clicking onto what was happening, Celestia looked at her sister with a mildly judging look as sweat began pouring like buckets from Luna.
“It was a long 1000 years” Luna muttered.