In the control cabin of the starship Heart of Gold, Megan William and Trillian sat watching the images of ponies arriving in the ship on various screens. Trillian was wearing a stylish silver outfit she had bought at boutique at the Barnard’s Star hyperspace port. Megan was wearing a red blouse, denim trousers, and riding boots.
“Five unicorns, six pegasi, twelve ordinary ponies, and an alicorn,” said Trillian, reading the data appearing on a console. “It matches your calculations pretty well, give or take a baby dragon.”
“Thank the computer,” said Megan. “It did the number crunching.”
“You’re very welcome,” said the computer cheerfully. “Have a nice day.”
A door slid open and a two-headed centaur walked in. “Trillian!” said Zaphod Beeblebrox, “why have I grown extra legs and hooves.”
Trillian giggled. “I guess it’s a side effect of the imponability field. Suits you well. They match your third arm.”
“I thought you said this test was supposed to reduce the awkward side effects of using the infinite improbability drive.”
“That’s what we’re checking,” said Trillian. “Preliminary results suggest generating an infinite imponability, instead of improbability, leads to a substantial drop in the number of incidental famines and dead whales; and a big increase in flowers, rainbows light shows, and herds of pastel-coloured little horses. We still need to collect more statistics on the number of ex-presidents growing hooves. Thanks for the data point.”
“So I’m stuck like this for how long?”
“Why don’t you go and relax in the sauna.” Trillian led Zaphod to the door. “Ford is in there with a draconequus we picked up and I expect they would enjoy your company. I’ll get the robot to bring in some Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters.”
After pushing the centaur out of the room, she returned to the table with Megan.
“That was an interesting twist,” said Megan. They giggled together.
“How sure are you about the safety of this experiment?” asked Trillian.
“What could go wrong?”
“You create a critical density of ponies, who inevitably all make friends with each other, thus generating the most powerful form of magic in their dimension, and unleashing new forces that this universe has never seen?”
Megan nodded and smiled. “I guess there is a risk, if we’re not careful, that the whole galaxy might end up embracing harmony and become a good and happy place.”
“Holy Zarquon!” said Trillian. “We need to watch out for the psychiatrists. Gag Halfrunt will want to stop this.”
In the entry bay, a herd of twenty-four ponies and two humans were getting on with the business of making friends without any concern about putting the galaxy’s psychiatrists out of a job. A round of cake had helped to break the ice and the generations were now happily mingling. Rarity, Pipp, the other (equally real) Rainbow Dash, and Toola-Roola had found they all shared the opinion that the ship’s interior design could be improved, and had set out to do this using some textiles from Rainbow’s travelling cases. The two Applejacks went off to a corner to discuss the best way to prune saplings and train espaliers. Misty, Minty, Fizzy, and unicorn Twilight were chatting quietly in another. Fluttershy had disappeared somewhere on her own, unnoticed by any pony.
Pegasus Rainbow Dash, Firefly, and Zipp had tried flying a few races, but found the interior space too restrictive (and Surprise kept getting in the way). They then found some roller skates in the back of the marestream, and were now timing how fast a pony could skate around the full circuit of the ship’s corridors. The record was a tie between Patch and Sunny Starscout. The pegasi were trying hard to beat this. Hitch, as sheriff, tried to police a speed limit without much success. When he appealed for help from Zipp, she went off to talk to alicorn Twilight and Sunset.
“Our magic is not the same,” said Zipp. “You say you are always an alicorn, or you have been since you got your wings, but Sunny only becomes an alicorn some of the time, and then her wings and horn glow…”
“So is your world a separate dimension, not just Equestria in the distant future?” said Sunset.
“If the magic is so different,” said Twilight-the-alicorn. “I think it must be.”
“But you said that magic was always changing,” said Zipp.
“Did I?”
Zipp took out her phone and played a slightly blurred video message. “Magic is alive. Always changing. Growing stronger. There are evil forces out there…” said a video holographic Twilight Sparkle.
“I said that?”
“Or you will do.”
Twilight took Zipp’s phone and stared at her image. “This is amazing. How do you get a moving image on a screen you can fold in half?”
“OLEDs—Organic Light Emitting Diodes. But that’s not magic, just pony tech.”
Izzy and Pinkie Pie had spent some time getting very busy with a pile of junk. They were now ready to make an announcement. Pinkie banged a wooden spoon on a saucepan to get everyone’s attention.
“Attention everypony! Come and witness the amazing new Infinite Imponability Generator mark two. Or is it three? I’ve lost count. Anyway, thanks to Izzy Moonbow’s amazing unicycling, Bright Eye’s BASIC programming skills, chocolate cake provided by Cupcake, and a batch of bubbles from Fizzy—” Pinkie Pie pointed out all of her collaborators with a hoof. Izzy grinned and waved.
“How does she talk so fast?” said the other Pinkie Pie.
“You get used to it darling,” said Rarity.
“—we now a much more powerful version with a user-friendly interface,” continued Pinkie Pie. “It tastes better too. Imponability lets you do just about anything as long as you know precisely how imponable it is. If you want a glass of water, you just have to enter the imponability figure for a glass of water.”
Pinkie Pie paused. Bright Eyes tapped a number onto the old grey keyboard. A glass of water appeared on a small table. Izzy picked it up, drank it, and grinned at the audience.”
“If you want a bunch of flowers,” said Pinkie Pie. “you just have to enter the imponability figure for a bunch of flowers.”
Bright Eye’s repeated the exercise. A vase of daisies appeared on the table. Izzy picked them up and took a mouthful.”
“And,” continued Pinkie, “if you want to transport your dragon friend from a parallel dimension somewhere on the other side of the galaxy, you just have to enter the imponability figure for that.”
Bright Eyes tapped another code. Spike the dragon appeared on the table wearing an apron with a duster in one claw.
“What! Where am I? What’s going on? Oh—hello Pinkie Pie.”
The last act impressed the audience.
“Look at him! He’s so sweet! Can you bring our Spike here as well?” said Minty.
“That’s Dragon Lord Spike?” said Zipp.
Pipp took out her phone and snapped some photos. “I can’t wait to show this to this to Blaize and Luxxe.”
In a cold and depressing corner on the other side of the ship, Fluttershy had naturally gravitated towards someone who appeared in need, sitting among a store of cleaning equipment.
“Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to take drinks into the sauna,” said Marvin the Paranoid Android.
“There, there… Would you care to talk to me about it?” She gave the robot a friendly pat and smiled the most understanding of smiles.
Marvin took no notice and continued to look at the floor. “The humidity in there just makes the pain in all my diodes even worse…”
“Just let it out.”
“…I tell them I’m feeling very depressed. What do they do? They say, ‘here’s something to take your mind off it.’ Of course that never works. I have an exceptionally large mind…”
Fluttershy gently stroked his steel head. “With such a large mind, maybe you can think of a task to occupy it.”
A little later, on the lower deck of the ship, Arthur Dent sat inside his cabin. He was wearing his dressing gown and feeling very confused by the sequence of events that had led him back here. He also had no idea why the ship was now full of small coloured horses. He picked up his copy of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and typed ‘ponies’ on the console. It provided the following explanation:
Ponies are four-legged herbivores that have evolved on a number of worlds in a large variety of colours and mane styles, sometimes with horns (unicorns) or wings (pegasi). Most ponies are friendly creatures who are happy to give rides to hitchhikers, but it is wise not to upset them as they can kick very hard if angered. Offering sugar cubes is a good way to make friends.
Arthur smiled. For once he was in the company of friendly creatures that did not want to hurt him. Unless he upset them.
The door slid open and a small purple and green dragon walking in, carrying a tray with a teapot and cups.
“Cup of tea?” said Spike.
“What?” said Arthur.
“I heard someone say you were asking is anyone had any tea. I always travel with a few bags of oolong, so I persuaded the drinks dispenser to give me some hot water and brewed a pot.”
Spike set the tray down on the floor and poured a cup. Arthur added a little milk from a jug and a sugar cube and took a sip. It was delicious.
“Where are you from?” said Spike politely.
“A small planet. You’ve probably never heard of it. It got destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass.” Arthur sighed sadly and there was a moment of silence. “I then ended up stranded on that very planet, but two million years in the past,” he continued. “I spent five years living in a cave.”
“Oh,” said Spike, not sure how he was supposed to respond.
“In four years, I had only one visitor. He just stayed long enough to tell me I was a jerk.”
“Oh.”
“That was Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged. He’s an immortal being, who has taken it upon himself to insult everyone in the universe. In alphabetical order. I read about him in the guide.”
“What guide?” asked Spike.
“The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy,” said Arthur, showing Spike his copy. “It tells you everything you need to know about places you might go and beings you might meet.”
“Will it tell me about your planet?” asked Spike.
“Well… yes…” said Arthur, “but it doesn’t have very much to say about it.” To show this he typed Earth into the console and showed the resulting output: Mostly Harmless.
“Sounds… nice,” said Spike. “What does it have to say on my home, Equestria?”
“Let’s see… Oh!”
“What does it say?”
Arthur turned the screen to face the dragon. It read: Extremely Dangerous.
“What! Equestria isn’t dangerous. Well… not extremely… at least, there’s no danger most of the time, and when there is Twilight and her friends sort it out.”
“Are there any monstrous creatures or evil villains?” asked Arthur.
“There were, but we usually manage to make friends with them. Usually. If they don’t want to be friends then we turn them to stone.”
Arthur tipped the bowl of sugar cubes into his pocket.
Back in the entry bay, cutie marks were glowing, filling the air with a magic sparkle.
"This is absolutely definitely positively the most fun I’ve had in ages,” said Pinkie Pie (the slow-talking one).
“Oh my gosh!” said Pinkie Pie (the fast-talking one), “I just had the best idea ever!” We need to have a really big party and bring all our friends from every universe!”
“I don’t think we can do that…” said Sunset.
Pinke Pie was not listening. “You need to bring the girls from Canterlot High. And we can invite all our friends from Ponyville and the other Ponyville and all the Ponylands and Equestrias…”
“Pinkie,” said Sunset.
“…and the dragons, and hippogriffs…”
“Pinkie!”
“…we must have Prince Rutherford. He knows how to party.”
“You know a prince?” said Rainbow Dash. “Darling, how charming. And I can invite the princesses from Unicornia.”
“…and Gilda, and Gabby, and rest of the griffins, and the sea ponies, and that sea-serpent friend of Cranky whose name I’ve forgotten…”
“Pinkie!” shouted Sunset. “You can’t invite all those creatures here.”
“Why not?”
“It would violate Fire Safety Code 13,” said Hitch.
“Aw…” Pinkie looked very disappointed.
“I think we all need to calm down,” said Sunset. “It must be time for lunch.”
“Lunch?” Pinkie Pie’s smile returned. “Where can we get lunch?”