60's Era Spiderman goes to Equestria

by MnM


LOOK AT HIM AND LAUGH!

Our hero and the mint horse with an erection sticking out of its mane sat on a bench in the park, with Fluttershy asleep on their laps.

"My faggot detector is off the charts." Spiderman commented as a stallion with a vibrant pink mane walked by. He glared at our hero over his shoulder before moving on.

"Tell me about where you're from, Spiderman." Lyra stated, pulling out a notepad and a pen to jot down notes with.

"It sucks and is badly animated. Not like I give a fuck." our hero responded.

"Fascinating." Lyra commented, jotting down a few notes.

"There were always these fucking faggots trying to stop me from getting laid too. I would keep telling them... 'fuck off, I'm fucking Mary Jane', but did they listen? Fuck no. They kept on attacking me when I was trying to bang Mary Jane."

"Who's Mary Jane?" Lyra inquired.

"Some ho I banged every so often. I would always have to save her stupid ass from these assholes, whom would set obvious traps for her, and of course, in her stupidity, she would fall for them and get captured. And then I would come in, whoop their asses, and save her, and then she would repay my bravery in sex." Spiderman responded.

"Was it worth it?" Lyra asked.

"Hell no. I've banged trees that bang better than her." Spiderman answered.

"Have you actually banged a tree?" Lyra inquired.


Flashback

"Fuck off Hitler I'm trying to pleasure tree." Spiderman screeched at his boss, as he attempted to pleasure a tree.

"For the last time, I'm not Hitler!" John Jameson exclaimed.

"Lawl I don't give a fuck." our hero said, continuing to pleasure the tree.


"Yeah. And damn, that tree was tight." our hero said.

"I'd like to be a tree..." Fluttershy muttered sleepily.

"I like where this is going." Spiderman commented.

“Dear Celestia, that suit is just so...” someone began to say in an elegant, fancy voice, “horrid.”

Spiderman turned his head to spot a white horse with an erection sticking out of its fancy purple mane, staring at him like he was some sort of monster.

“Lawl I don't give a fuck.” our hero stated, flipping the white horse off.

The horse gasped. “Such language!” she said, aghast.

Suddenly, Fluttershy's eyes shot open and she looked up at the horse. “Oh... hi Rarity...” she said, before a little cute yawn escaped her lips.

“Fluttershy, what are you doing with this beast?!” this so called 'Rarity' demanded, glaring suspiciously at Spiderman.

“Oh... he's a really nice guy once you get to know him... and he's really fucking funny too...” Fluttershy cooed, lying her head back in our heroes lap.

Rarity mouth dropped, shocked at the sudden vulgarity of her usually timid friend. The most vulgar thing she had ever heard the timid butter yellow pegasus say was 'I don't give a flying feather', which was typically used by ponies who did not feel comfortable dropping the infamous 'F bomb'. Not even Applejack, who wasn't above using most swear words, didn't dare utter the 'F bomb'.

“What have you done with my friend?!” Rarity demanded, rushing forward and pushing her snout against Spiderman's masked face.

“Lawl I dunno.” our hero responded.

Rarity suddenly felt a deep fear inside of her. She glanced down at Fluttershy, who was staring intensely up at her. Fluttershy jumped up and pushed Rarity away from our hero.

“HOW DARE YOU?!” Fluttershy demanded angrily, her angry voice rivaling the Royal Canterlot Voice, “HE IS MY FRIEND! I DON'T INSULT THE VARIOUS STALLIONS YOU FUCK ON A NIGHTLY BASIS!”

Rarity felt ashamed off herself and felt her cheeks redden. “Fluttershy!” she gasped, “how could you say that?”

But Fluttershy wasn't finished. “YOU CALL MY FRIEND A BEAST AND INSULT THE WAY HE DRESSES, WHEN HE IS BY FAR ONE OF THE NICEST CREATURES I HAVE EVER MET IN MY LIFE.”

The fact that Spiderman was just described as nice almost made our hero give a fuck. Almost.

“Woah dude!” Lyra exclaimed.

“NOW APOLOGIZE!” Fluttershy screeched, her intense glare growing more intense by the second.

Rarity squeaked, almost fearful of her formally timid friend. She then glanced up at our hero, who was looking down at her.

“I'm sorry, Mr...?” Rarity had no idea what his name was.

“Spiderman.” our hero answered.

“Thank you. I apologize, Mr Spiderman.”

“It's cool.” Spiderman said, not really giving a fuck, “you wanna get down on Friday with us?”

"Get down, you say?" Rarity asked, before examining the watch to her right forehoof. It was 4:31. "I have not gotten down in... well years, you see. Yes... I would be delighted to get down with you today, Mr. Spiderman."

Lyra and Fluttershy cheered, while Spiderman sat there, not giving a fuck. Rarity stood there with an awkward smile on her face.

"Do you wish to go into town, Mr. Spiderman?" Rarity asked.

Our hero shrugged. "Why dafuq not?" he asked, getting up


Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle lay in her bed, clopping to a sexy picture of the late Princess Celestia.


"Well, here we are!" Rarity exclaimed, as she, Spiderman, and the other two horses stood in front of a large club, "the hippest club in all of Ponyville!"

"What's it called?" Spiderman asked.

"The Mare's Lair." Rarity responded.

"Hmm... seems legit..." our hero commented, before he started to make his way inside, the three mares trailing right behind him.

"Stop right there!" someone shouted. Spiderman turned around to see a large, muscular horse glaring at him, wearing a black shirt labelled 'security' in big bold letters. It was a fucking bouncer. And boy, did Spiderman hate bouncers. "Your names aren't on the list."

"Lawl I don't give a fuck." Spiderman said, turning back around and making his way towards the club. The bouncer rushed forward and attempted to tackle our hero, but Spiderman's spider senses alerted him of the danger. He stepped to the side and tripped the bouncer, causing the bouncer so tumble and fall to ground.

Spiderman started cackling like a hyena. "Look at him! Look at him and laugh!" he bellowed. His laughter was joined by the laughter of Lyra and Fluttershy, as well as various other horses nearby. Rarity stood and watched, not wanting to laugh at the bouncers misfortune, but soon found herself pointing and laughing at the bouncer.

"Come on everybody! Let's go inside!" Lyra shouted.

"Bout fucking time! I really to get down." Spiderman stated, as he and three mares walked inside.