An odd family: The foundations.

by EdBoii


Ladies Guard

A Night To Remember!

The bar was crowded, full of noise and chatter, the dimly lit room where a dozen ponies danced to the beat of the music reeked of sweat, nothing compared to human stench though.

These ponies seemed to be the embodiment of all things fair, their sweat could be easily compared to the scent of sea water, although it didn't smell the same, it was noticeable but not disgusting or upsetting.

Snowflake smiled widely as he entered, waving at a few other ponies that were sitting on a table beside the barkeeper.

I was glancing around nervously, the scent of pony sweat thick in my nostrils.

It was dark and really crowded inside the small building, my head was a mere ten inches from the roof, since I was twice the height of any of the ponies, I stood out among the crowd like a sore thumb.

Good thing Rarity had attached a hood to the shirt I was wearing, and although it did little to keep me out of sight, at least it gave me a little comfort to keep my face hidden.

We sat down at a table near the entrance, the abnormally large chairs still proved uncomfortable for me, but I managed.

"HEY TINY! GET SOME CIDER OVER HERE!" Snowflake waved a hoof at a small pony, he nodded and rushed towards the bartender to pick up the drinks.

I was looking around the place, trying to see anything of interest, some pony with goggles and blue mane was running the techno music, and several couples of mares were dancing to the beat, there was an odd lack of stallions though, just around ten among the couple dozens of mares.

Snowflake nudged me in the ribs and asked as loudly as he could.

"ANY MARE YOU LIKE?" He smiled and waved his hoof in the general direction of the dancing mares.

I smiled, recalling the olden times, a couple of friends and I would sit on a bench and argue for hours about which girl was the best, I never thought that kind of conversation would ever happen again in this strange place.

"It looks like you brought me to a lesbian bar!"

Snowflake looked slightly shocked at the way I answered, but after a little he simply smiled and nodded.

"YES, SAD IF YOU ASK ME. EVER SINCE THE FIGHTS FOR MATING TERRITORY STARTED, MOST MARES PREFERRED TO COUPLE WITH THE SAME GENDER TO AVOID THE FIGHTING," Snowflake sighed before continuing.

"THAT'S WHY THERE AREN'T AS MANY STALLIONS ANYMORE, GIRLS PREFER TO USE THE PREGNANCY SPELL TO HAVE FILLIES INSTEAD OF COLTS SO THAT THEIR SONS DON'T JOIN IN THE FIGHT"

I simply nodded, understanding slowly flowing into my brain.

The whole alpha male shit wasn't just some weird stuff Snowflake made up, it was an actual territorial competition for the females of certain areas.

Which made sense since horses have that type of hierarchy when it comes to mares. I didn't understand it fully though, these ponies seemed civilized, so why keep such a trivial way of mating? I'd have to ask Twilight about it later.

The pony came back with the drinks and placed them in front of us, he stole a quick glance at me and hurriedly left.

Snowflake gave a short laugh.

"YOU ALWAYS HAVE THAT IMPACT ON PONIES?" He smiled, obviously wishing ponies would react similarly to him.

"You could say that," I picked up my mug of cider and took a sip. I wasn't too keen on alcohol but Snowflake seemed to respect me for being a badass and I didn't want to break the image he had of me. "tell me Snowflake, where do you stand in this territorial war?"

The cider wasn't too strong, it was obviously alcoholic but not by much, it had a nice flavor to it.

Snowflake smiled again and took a large swig of cider.

"I STAND ON THE SIDE OF PONYVILLE OF COURSE! THIS IS ONE OF THE LAST PIECES OF TERRITORY WHERE NO STALLION HAS ELECTED HIMSELF AS MAIN ALPHA!"

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

He then took another large swig of his drink and explained to me how it worked.

"WELL IRON, IN LARGE CITIES A STALLION WILL NAME HIMSELF AS THE MAIN ALPHA OF A CERTAIN SECTION OR AREA OF THE CITY AND HIS FOLLOWERS THEN HELP HIM KEEP OTHER GANGS OUT OF HIS TERRITORY, AND AS A REWARD THEY GET TO CHOOSE WHICH MARES THEY WANT FOR THEMSELVES!"

He spent the next ten to fifteen minutes explaining how it worked, the system was as old as ponykind, but it had evolved and largely decreased as mares stopped being treated like property, so it was more of a bro code by the time I got here, the main alpha got to choose which mares he liked so no one in his gang or the rest of the stallions made a move on them, as a reward to the gang members they got to choose after the leader.

Snowflake however, was against the system, and he had formed a gang of his own in Ponyville quite a few years ago to keep other gangs from taking over.

Snowflake didn't place restrictions on the stallions in town, so they were free to make a move on any mare they wanted at anytime without fear of getting in trouble with a mafia boss.

And then he cracked the question at me.

"SO WHAT DO YOU SAY IRON? WANNA HELP KEEP THIS TOWN FREE?" His smile was friendly but also determined, by the way he sounded it looked like he needed help with the town, according to him more and more gangs were badly trying to get a hold of Ponyville and all that stood between them and the town was Snowflake and a couple more volunteers from around the village.

I sighed, it sounded so awesome and exciting to defend a town full of ladies from abusive assholes, it was the job of a lifetime! But I had three kids to take care of, and I didn't think fighting jerks was very well paid... or maybe...

"Is there a paycheck at the end or something?" I arched an eyebrow, this could determine my answer completely.

Snowflake scratched his head and thought about it for a little.

"WELL SOME OF THE PONIES WE CAPTURE HAVE CRIMINAL RECORDS, AND THE LOCAL POLICE PAYS SOME BOUNTY FOR ANY CAPTURED CRIMINALS." Snowflake looked at me with hope in his eyes.

I sighed again and smiled, if I could capture a few wrong doers every once in a while I could make some extra coin apart from whatever job I did, and the extra reputation as a hero around town would certainly help out with the odd looks I got from the locals.

So I eagerly smiled and agreed to help him, what's the worst that could happen? It's not like vigilante stuff was overly motherfucking dangerous or something...

"Very well my friend, I'll help out with any local brawls you get into, as long as I get a share of the coin, also I would appreciate it if you could put a good word about me around town, and suggest any full time jobs?" I extended my hand at the bulky pegasus and he shook it happily.

"YEEEEAAAAAH! YOU WON'T REGRET IT IRON! JUST WAIT AND SEE! MARES WILL BE ALL OVER YOU FOR HELPING OUT! AND DON'T WORRY, I KNOW A FEW PONIES AROUND TOWN THAT ALWAYS HAVE BITS TO PAY AND JOBS TO OFFER!" Snowflake smiled widely and took another very large swig from his cider.

"Hehe, thanks! Can't wait to get started." I joked, but grew serious as I saw Snowflake's smile.

"WELL THEN... LET'S NOT WASTE ANY TIME!" He nodded at a table not too far away from ours, there were five stallions sitting around it, sharing laughs and cider. "SEE THOSE STALLIONS? THEY'RE IN WITH A GANG, LET'S SHOW THEM WHAT PONYVILLE GUYS ARE MADE OFF!"

A small smile spread through my face, it had been a long time since my last fight, ignoring the whole mess from a week ago, that didn't count...

Snowflake stood up and walked slowly through the crowd, making sure not to be seen before getting close to the table were the stallions were seated, all of them were pegasus.

I tried my best to be stealthy as I followed but my height and appearance gave me away almost immediately, to my surprise though, Snowflake had no problems with stealth! Despite his overly massive build, he could be sneaky as a mouse.

Half the bar was staring at me, and the other half was either too busy dancing their asses off or were too drunk to notice.

Snowflake didn't get halfway close to the stallions, because the barkeeper decided to mess with the wrong bastard at that exact moment.

"Hey Snowflake! No pets allowed! Take your monkey outside!"

I froze in place, face glowing red from anger.

"The fuck did you just call me?" I didn't move or turn around, I simply whispered, he couldn't hear me of course.

"Snowflake! Come on, I'm not cleaning if it has an accident!" The chubby, brown unicorn bastard kept shouting, much to the amusement of the ponies around him.

Well most ponies around him.

Many of them had seen me pin Snowflake to the ground just a few minutes ago, and they were starting to back away from the bartender, afraid of what was about to happen.

I turned around slowly, eyes wide and face red, jaw clenched in anger.

Moving towards the bartender I slowly removed my hood, revealing my rage in its full glory.

The pony immediately swallowed his words as understanding hit him, he was in for a world of hurt unless he went down on his knees and started licking some serious boot.

Too bad for him, my boots were shiny enough.

"What was that you said asshole?" I smiled, fists trembling with anticipation.

Looking back on what happened that night, I guess I kind of feel bad for the pony... The poor bastard started shaking and looking from side to side in search of anything to save himself.

"I... I..." His eyes showed pure, raw terror.

I was right in front of him, hands placed on the wooden counter he stood behind, still smiling coldly and terrifyingly.

"Hey pal, I think it's best if you leave."

Someone placed a hoof on my arm, his words were heavy with determination but also with fear.

Quickly turning around revealed one of the pegasi Snowflake had planned on beating up. A quick scan of the room revealed Snowflake smiling as he got closer to the stallion in front of me, we exchanged a quick glance and he nodded.

So damn it all to hell, I was angry and we were going to get in a fight anyways.

"Yeah? Well, I think it's best if you shut the fuck up!" I smiled genuinely now, the thrill of a fight flooding me with adrenaline, I quickly slapped his hoof away and landed a firm punch in between his eyes.

Several gasps filled the room, followed by screams as the stallion crashed on top of a table after I pushed him.

"YEEEEAAAAAH!" Snowflake shouted before launching himself on top of another pegasus, landing wild hits and kicks at him.

The music stopped playing and was replaced by the hysteria of dozens of ponies rushing to escape. Too exaggerated if you ask me, there once was a shooting outside my house, all I did was close the window and turn the volume of the tv louder.

Snowflake was shouting madly as he sent another pegasus flying backwards, I was wrestling with another one of the bastards, there were at least five.

The one I had pushed was laying unconscious beside a broken table, his friend was trying hard to land a blow but I was taller and he couldn't fly because of the low ceiling.

Dodging a hit to my face, I quickly moved to the side and wrapped my arm around his neck, I applied a little pressure and after a little while he fell unconscious.

You do learn a few valuable things in school I guess...

Snowflake had beaten a third one, but was having trouble with the remaining two.

"Hey Snowflake! Watch out!"

He jumped out of the way and I sent a chair flying towards the nearest pegasus.

He dodged it but it didn't matter, I took my chance and ran at him, tackled him and punched him repeatedly before using the same maneuver that I used on the last one.

I looked up and saw Snowflake being thrown to the side by the remaining pony, a pegasus like the rest, but this one stood out because of his coat, dark grey like smoke, dotted with spark-like patches of white, the tattoo on his ass looked like a storm cloud with a lightning coming from it.

Standing up, I blocked his way out of the bar by positioning myself in front of the door.

The pegasus looked at me with fear and desperation, I simply smiled and beckoned for him to get closer.

Snowflake had regained his footing and was standing beside me now.

"NOWHERE TO FLY NOW, RIGHT SPARKS?" My bulky friend smiled as he addressed the stallion.

The pegasus looked from side to side, glancing at his fallen friends and back at the sweaty two legged monster that I probably looked like. After he realized he didn't stand a chance he sighed and glared at us before yelling in the coolest Russian accent I had ever heard.

"Viz izn't over Snovflake! I'll be vack!" Sparks I guess, looked terrified but managed to sound threatening before he darted off through the back door, breaking several plates and glasses as he escaped.

"DARN I FORGOT ABOUT THAT DOOR!" Snowflake kicked at the ground but didn't give chase, the pegasus would be too far away by the time we followed.

I was panting by now, sweat covering my new shirt and blood running down my nose from a lucky hit by one of the bastards.

Looking around me revealed that the entire place was a mess, broken chairs and tables lay scattered everywhere, cider was spilled on the majority of the floor and the unconscious stallions were not going to be easy to explain to the...

AH SHIT!! THE COPS!!

My eyes widened and I pulled my hair in frustration, how the hell did I forget about the goddamn cops? I had just gotten out of jail a week ago and here I go! Knocking ponies unconscious in a brawl! The fuck brain? What was I thinking!?

"Aw shit! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Snowflake! How the fuck are we gonna explain this shit to the fucking cops?!" I looked at him expectantly, hoping that the bulky bastard knew the chief or some shit like that.

He simply stared back, the confused look on his face filled me with dread.

And then he simply started laughing.

I stared in disbelief as the goddamn asshole laughed for several seconds, every single one of them making me angrier at the bastard.

"Dude! What the fuck? This shit ain't funny man! I barely got out of jail and I'm getting thrown back in?!"

His laughter subsided into nothing, and he smiled at me.

"IRON, YOU WORRY TOO MUCH! CHIEF GOLDEN STAR WON'T MIND US BEATING A FEW WINGSTERS! TARTARUS, IT'S ALMOST A SPORT FOR THE MILITIA!"

I gawked at him, fucking ponies weren't as peaceful as I thought if they considered brawls a sport.

"The fuck do you mean? The police is ok with this shit?" I pulled a chair towards me and tried to sit down, but the piece of shit broke under my weight, apparently it was the same chair I had thrown a while ago, so I had to remain standing. "And what do you mean by 'Militia'?"

Snowflake sat on floor and explained to me a couple more fucked up things about the whole shit they had going on around here.

Apparently, the ruler of this place, some princess Lestia or something like that, had long abolished the traditional way of mating among her subjects, Snowflake said it happened about six hundred years ago but he was probably exaggerating, ponies don't live very long after all.

Anyways, the abolition was faced with severe discontent, and many of the main alpha males around the country refused to disband their gangs or relinquish their multiple wives, so the princess was forced to eliminate the system gradually, or face rebellion, although I doubt these ponies would go as far as to do something extremely violent.

She allowed the stallions to keep their wives and the gangs simply changed their official status to 'social groups', but she also made it illegal to force a mare into a relationship, which weakened the strength of the alphas greatly since they couldn't hoard all the females any longer, they did find a way around it though, by threatening stallions into not approaching mares and whatnot.

Anyways, since there was never any proof of the threats actually happening the princess couldn't do shit, so the gangs kept partial control over the mares in certain areas of the country, and here's where Snowflake comes in.

He didn't like the way it worked, there was a long and sad story about his childhood and how he wasn't able to ask the mare of his dreams to a dance because of a gang or something.

But long story short, he moved to Ponyville since there wasn't an alpha stationed here and made his own group after a gang named Wingsters from a city named Cloudsdale or some shit like that decided to take over the place, he named his gang Ponyville Militia and has kept the Wingsters at bay for about five years.

Sneaky bastard also has a deal with the local police to ignore most of the shit he does, since the chief's son is part of the Militia and whatnot, there's also the fact that the princess actually supports the few resistance groups around the country since they do the dirty job she can't do by herself, add all that shit up and you get one hell of a weird underworld story thing that I had suddenly gotten myself into...

"So, do we just, like, leave? What about all the ponies that just saw us beat the shit out of these guys?" Too good to be true...

"I DON'T THINK THEY'LL CARE MUCH AFTER WE TELL THEM WHO THEY WERE WORKING FOR." Snowflake nodded towards the pegasi on the ground.

"And they're working for?" I arched an eyebrow, curious to know who could be so evil that the whole town would just forget about me tearing this place to pieces.

Snowflake lost his smile and leaned closer towards me.

I was very shocked to hear him speak normally for the first time, the guy we were talking about must have been quite the badass.

"Sparks Cloud, the pegasus that flew off just now, he works for somepony, a very dangerous pony at that, it's rumored that he or she runs the entire Stalliongrad mating territories,"

Snowflake looked at the ground briefly before continuing.

"that pony managed to unite all the separate alpha males into one gang! And now they're trying to expand, Sparks Cloud's Wingsters gang is their most recent addition, he also became some sort of lieutenant or something for the alphas in Stalliongrad."

I nodded slowly, this shit seemed bad, if I had known this stuff before helping Snowflake beat up these bastards then I wouldn't have done it, this was a fucking mafia boss we were talking about, not some hotheaded asshole that wanted to play Romeo, and I had three kids that depended on me for sustenance, I couldn't take on a fucking criminal organization!

But shit, the Sparks guy had seen me, and no doubt he would remember me, I had just gotten on the bad side of these assholes. It sort of reminded me of Fallout New Vegas, I helped the town thingy at the beginning and then the powder gangers hated me forever...

I sighed and started to massage my eyelids to let out some stress, my breathing slowed down and my heart seemed to calm its racing pace.

"So, we're fucked aye?" I asked after calming down.

"No, not unless we go our separate ways, if we stick together then they don't stand a chance!" Snowflake kept the low tone in his voice, seemingly discouraged by his own explanation.

I sighed again and went over to the counter, there was a full mug of cider just standing there, so I drank it.

The cool drink calmed my nerves with its alcoholic powers and eased itself down my dry throat, washing my worries away.

"Well, we can't do shit about what's happened right? Let's worry about that later!" I smiled at him, the alcohol was slightly affecting my mood, in any other situation I would have been pissed worried about getting in trouble with organized criminals.

I had seen firsthand what those bastards were capable of.

Snowflake laughed and his voice returned to normal.

"YEEEEAAAAH! HEY! LETS GO MEET THE REST OF THE GANG!" He punched my shoulder lightly and hurried out of the building.

"Fuck yeah! Might as well make some friends, that's what Twilight said!" I smiled, my mood was greatly improved by now, but whether that was my own doing or the cider's I had no idea.

So we left the bar, it was night by now, the moon shining brightly over us as we walked through the streets of Ponyville, telling jokes and stories.

"And... And then the priest said! It's not my mother! It's a duck!" Snowflake and I burst into laughter, that was possibly the stupidest joke I knew, but it was also a favorite of mine.

Snowflake was much better company than any of the six mares I first met, he actually understood a few of the jokes I said! And he didn't consider my funny life stories as 'gross' 'dishonest' 'inadequate for a gentlecot, cold, tolt, or something like that...' or 'irresponsible' as Applejack and company had said. This guy was a bro, plain and simple.

And he had plenty of stories to tell as well.

"Yeah, do you have any kids man?" We had begun to wander into the more rural area of town, I mean the whole place was rural, but this particular side of town took the prize! It was complete farmland as far as the eye could see, two structures distinguished themselves from the fields.

A large red barn in between several apple orchards, which I guessed belonged to Applejack's family... No shit Sherlock... And another house about a mile away, It looked strange though...

It was a tall slim building with a large carrot on top of it, beside it lay hundreds of carrots in a large vegetable garden.

"One," Snowflake had once again lowered his voice, this time for the sake of the sleeping ponies. "Featherweight, really good kid too, strong flier."

I saw the smile on Snowflake's face and thought about my own relationship with the kids. A father. Wow, it still had some trouble sinking into my brain, I was a dad...

To take on such a heavy responsibility was... Like... a lot! I mean, this wasn't a dog or something like that! These were three thinking and feeling kids! I had to feed them and buy them shit and take them to school, but the one thing that worried me sick was whether I was actually worth anything as a father...

I mean, I was the laziest motherfucker around school back at home, smart yeah, but lazy as fuck, I never did much to help others either, there was the occasional spare change for a homeless guy but everyone did that...

What if these kids ended up all fucked up because of me? I don't think I could have lived with the pain of ruining someones life so deeply...

The night dragged by and so did the chatter, in a matter of minutes we found ourselves at the door of the strange carrot themed house.

"WELL IRON, IT WAS GREAT HANGING OUT WITH YOU, GLAD YOU JOINED THE MILITIA AND ALL, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW, RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE A CHAT WITH CHIEF GOLDEN STAR." Snowflake resumed with his usual way of speaking since there weren't many houses anymore, and the door swung open, no need for him to knock after shouting like that.

"Snowflake? What in Celestia's name are you doing here this late?" A mare with an orange mane and three carrots as a tattoo looked at us sleepily from inside her house.

"HEY THERE MISS GOLDEN HARVEST! I'M HERE TO TALK WITH YOUR HUSBAND!" Snowflake's voice seemed to make the floor beneath the poor mare tremble.

Good thing she didn't see me though, she would have fainted. Thank god for the darkness of the night.

A few seconds of silence surrounded us as the mare recovered after being shaken to the bone by Snowflake's shout. And then another pony spoke from amid the darkness.

"Snowflake? What in Equestria has happened? I just received a letter from the townhall telling me a monster attacked someponies in bar Tartarus! Good thing they were wanted criminals with large enough bounties on their manes to pay for the damage, otherwise your friend here could be back in jail in no time."

I went pale with surprise as I noticed who this pony was.

"Ah shit... not the bastard that I punched when I was in jail..." Indeed it was, and apparently, he was chief of police! Chief Golden Star eyed me suspiciously and then faced Snowflake.

"A friend of yours?" The grey stallion with a sheriff star tattooed on his ass asked Snowflake.

"AND NEW MEMBER OF THE MILITIA! YOU'VE MET BEFORE?" Snowflake asked curiously, he wasn't expecting us to know each other.

"We have had a turbulent past, but anyway what has brought you here?" The chief motioned for Snowflake to continue.

"I THINK IT'S BEST IF WE CONTINUE THIS IN PRIVATE CHIEF, IRON AND MISS HARVEST DON'T NEED TO ENDANGER THEMSELVES WITH THE NEWS I HAVE."

"Agreed, honey could you please go check on Derpy? I'm afraid she might burn down the house... again..." The chief asked his wife, who simply nodded and trotted off into the house.

Snowflake turned to face me and smiled.

"WELL IRON, IT'S BEEN AWESOME TO KICK SOME FLANK WITH YOU TONIGHT, BUT IT'S BEST IF YOU LEAVE, I'VE GOT SOME BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF HERE."

I nodded and said my goodbyes, then walked back towards the town, feeling worried about what could happen the following day as the effect of the cider started to leave my mind.

"Fuck, I just hope there isn't a mob... I hate mobs..." I kicked a rock and sent it flying into a bush.

As I walked along the dirt path that led towards Twilight's tree house, I started to notice the sound of hooves behind me. This was the shit I was afraid of, fucking mafia abducting me in the middle of the night, torturing me, then killing me and throwing me into a river!

I quickly turned around, fists raised and ready for some pony ass kicking. What I saw was, unexpected...

"Vell, if it isn't the monster vat has veen terrorizing Ponyville for the past veek..."

A mare, pegasus with light green coat and a yellow mane, carefully styled and adorned with a golden comb walked out of the shadows. She spoke with the same Russian accent that the Sparks guy had back at the bar. But her voice seemed, dangerous...

"Vut then avain, vhat can you expect from somepony as brutish as a male?" She scoffed at me, raising her head high, like fucking royalty.

"Sorry ma'am, but I don't think I know you..." I tried to keep my cool, not wanting more enemies than what I already had, but her uptight fucking attitude was getting on my nerves.

"Obviously you don't, vat means I have done my job vell." She spat, full of scorn. Getting on my nerves...

"Ok... You know what? I'm just gonna leave now, yeah? This is getting us nowhere and I don't want anymore trouble." I resumed walking towards the tree house, but her words struck me death cold on my steps.

"And vhat of your children? Vill the little ones meet trouble as vell? If you mess vith the vrong ponies they might..."

"What the fuck did you just say you bitch?!" I spun around and tried to find the fucking whore so I could land a couple of my opinions into her face, but she was gone.

Shaking wildly, tears in my eyes and frustration making me its bitch, I quickly rushed inside the library, almost kicking the door open, and made a race for the kid's room, I wasn't sure where it was but it didn't matter, I had to see they were ok.

"Kids! Kids!" I shouted as loud as I could, waking up Twilight and a big ass lizard thing I didn't know she had.

Kicking a door open, I found them, wide awake from my shouting, I rushed towards them and hugged them as tight as I could, afraid that if I let go they might disappear.

Tears were flowing freely now, they were either too sleepy or confused to cry themselves, but my frustration was getting to them, one by one they began to hug me back.

"Iron? Iron what happened?" Twilight barged into the room, trying to see anything in the darkness, I didn't reply, I was lost in fear of what could have happened, what may yet happen, and what didn't happen.

Twilight's voice seemed to disappear and grow muffled as the world around me began to disperse, slowly at first but in a swift motion it was gone, I fell into a nightmare plagued rest, but at least they were all right, it was all that mattered.

At least they hadn't killed my kids.





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Congratz to Elemist for winning first prize for the antagonist role! Madame Schürze (the mare that threatens Iron at the end).

Also thanks to kiddi for his Sparks Cloud submission!

Both characters will appear in later chapters as well, thank's all for submitting your OCs and enjoy the reads!