“Okay, on the count of three.” Noah whispered
Adam simply grinned in anticipation.
“Teach that drunk faggot to rat me out,” Andre huffed.
“Alright, one. Two. THREE!”
With impressive mass, the blob of men jumped up and onto the bed, slamming down on the left side, throwing the sleeping drunk known as Tyler clear up into the air.
“AH!” Tyler woke up mid-flight and landed on the floor with a thud. “God dammit, what the fuck you assholes!?” He groaned sitting up, nearly puking on the floor from the churning in his stomach. “Ah, my fucking head, the hell happened last night?!”
“You got in touch with your Irish roots,” Noah laughed.
"Haha, very freaking funny," Tyler said, still rubbing his head.
"I still say we draw penises on his face," Adam said.
"I'm awake, idiot."
"Doesn't matter to me," he said, perking up at the thought of desecrating someone else's face.
Tyler just shook his head and stood up, insantly falling over on the bed, again nearly puking his guts out, "Ugh, I swear I'll never drink again!"
"Oh, you four are finally up," Fluttershy trotted into the guest room, "are you four hungry, I could make you something real quick."
"No, we're fine. Although would it be to much trouble to ask for a little water?" Tyler asked as he got up.
"Oh not at all, please follow me," Fluttershy trotted out of the room while the four humans followed her. She led them into the kitchen and asked them to sit at the table. Once all four were seated she gave each one of them a cup of water and trotted out of the room.
All four sat around the table in Fluttershys kitchen. No one was sure why though. Tyler rubbed his throbbing head gingerly, not wanting to piss off his nerve cells any more than they already were.
“Alright, just some stuff to start us off, we are stuck in Equestria, specifically, in Ponyville. I have no idea how we got here, or how we’re going to get home. Fortunately, I think I know someone who can help us.”
The other three sat there silently sipping at their cups of water.
“Alright, Andre, Adam. For now I need you two to stay absolutely quiet for now, do not talk until I tell you both it's safe.” Tyler turned to Noah. Both of them spoke German fluently, and Tyler needed at least one of his friends in on the loop about his worries when it came to sharing anything about human society and culture with the innocent denzines of Ponyville.
“Noah, for right now, I need to speak to you in German, there are some things I REALLY need to share with you.”
Noah nodded and replied to his friend in German. “Right, I understand. What do you need me to know?” For once, Noah was finally taking things seriously, a Godsend in Tylers opinion.
“Look, like I said, we’re stuck in Equestria. A land from the TV show My Little Pony.”
“Alright............ I kind of figured that....... But how is this possible!?” Noah ran his hands through his hair in semi frustration.
“I wish I knew Noah, but I don’t.” Tyler sighed and looked down, “Now there are some important things we need to go over, alright?”
“Alright, shoot.”
Tyler hoped that he would be able to get his thoughts accross to Noah, he was the type of guy who would know what he wanted to say, but usually wasnt able to orate it in an understandable way. “Okay, if the show is anything to go off of, ponies are much more innocent than humans. War is virtually non-existent here, at least in the violent sense we know of. Which means that it is of the utmost importance that we mesh with the innocent nature of society here, and not bring the problems and general misfortune of human nature to these innocent lives. Do you understand?”
“Yeah, I understand." Tyler sighed in relief, for once someone understood what he was trying to say, " Wait, shouldn't we be telling this to the others?”
“We will, but not yet. We can’t take the chance that someone will overhear.”
“Understood.”
Tyler turned back to Adam and Andre. ““Alright, I think we should all take note of what we have with us. Just, pull out whatever you have and lay it on the table. Mabey something we have can help us”
They all began to empty their pockets. Noah had his backpack, which he promptly put up on the table. He emptied the contents, which consisted of a nice Toshiba laptop, a pair of above-average SNUG headphones, some school supplies and homework, and a book by Stephen Hawking. Adam had only his phone and his wallet. Andre had nothing with him. Tyler pulled out his wallet, pack of cigarettes, a lighter, notebook, his phone, his prized treble harmonica, and his boot knife and laid them on the table. They sat there for a moment staring at their collection of mostly useless stuff for a few moments.
“The fuck do we do with this?” asked Adam, looking around to his friends.
“Well.......... our money is useless here, but I got a couple hundred bits though from selling some illegally obtained goods, or in other words, the shit produce Shoppers has to provide us with,” Tyler replied witha slight chuckle.
“Alright,” began Noah, “but how the heck are we supposed to live here? I mean, none of us have any particular skill sets that are applicable to this region. Our economic use is at a horrendous low. There are no computers here, are there? Thought not.”
“Quit your bitchin’” said Adam. This provoked odd looks from his friends, as Adam is usually not serious about anything, let alone something that is actually important. “We can do this shit, let’s just look this place in the eye, Challenge-Accepted the fuck up, and make it big.” He said it with a conviction that was totally out of his character.
“Adam,” started Andre, “are you feeling okay?”
“No, I’m not. Here we are, a band of social fuck-ups with a chance at becoming something great in a world where people aren't judgmental and we can be ourselves, and all I can hear is complaining. I know it sounds like a retarded Mickey Mouse version of Carpe Diem, but dammit we have a shot to be whatever the hell we want, free from the social criticisms we faced back at home, and I am not about to let you fucktards waste it!” He had raised his voice by the end of his rant. The other three were stunned. Here was Adam, the man who took nothing seriously, berating them for not being optimistic in a situation like this. It was unnerving, but at the same time, it was somewhat inspiring. “I’m hungry. Any food near here?” Well, for the moment anyway.
Tyler sighed and looked to Noah, "Well for the moment I have a job working on a farm that was offered to me, as well as a place to stay. I know a little bit about basic home maintenance and construction crap, I could probably teach you three a little so you at least have some sort of useful skill. As for a place to stay, I have no idea. I'll do what I can to help you guys though."
Fluttershy trotted into the room, a small smile on her face. “Did I hear somepony say they were hungry? Like I said, I’d be happy to make you four a little something to eat.”
“Thank you Miss Fluttershy, but we've taken enough advantage of your kindness already. We’ll just finish up here and be on our ways. We really appreciate you letting us stay here for the night,” said Tyler, with the utmost sincerity in his voice.
“Are you sure? It would be no trouble at all!” replied Fluttershy.
“Thanks, really, but we need to go. There are things we need to do, ma’am,” Noah said, gathering his things into his backpack.
A knock came from the door. “Oh, I’ll be right back, let me get that.” Fluttershy trotted to the door. With a swift movement, the door opened. Fluttershy let out a tiny squeal of surprise when she looked through the doorway and saw Princess Celestia standing on the other side. "P-princess!" she stuttered. "Oh, please come in!"
"Thank you, Fluttershy." Fluttershy moved out of the way as the princess strolled in.
She was the most beautiful thing Tyler had ever seen. She was pure grace with the way she moved, down to the way her mane seemed to flow into the nonexistent wind. It was colorful and sparkling, with a dazzling crystalline sheen prevalent on her coat and mane. She approached the humans sitting at the table, moving as though she had a purpose.
"You two must be friends of Noah and Adam. I am Princess Celestia, guardian of the day, and ruler over this land, which is called Equestria. My sister Luna and I are responsible for protecting this land and turning the night to day, and day to night each morning and evening. I have come here to talk to you concerning your stay here." She turned to Fluttershy and said "May we talk in private?"
"Oh, certainly your majesty," Fluttershy said. She turned, and walked out the door, shutting it gently behind her. Celestia turned back to the humans.
"I will be straightforward with you four: I may not be able to send you back to your world." The face of the four humans fell. Except for Adam, whose face only betrayed mere boredom. "I also want you to know that I am familiar with the human race." This made Andre, Adam, and Noah all look at her quizzically while Tyler's face quickly flushed with a look of panic. How could it be possible for her to know of the humans? "I have seen your world, and I have seen what horrors you unleash upon your own. I have seen the abuse of people, substances, and law. I have seen most of what humanity has to offer. I was waiting until humanity had evolved past such petty things like war and violence before making contact, but that time had not yet come. As to why you four are here, I cannot answer. Have you any ideas as to why you may have been transported here?"
"No, ma'am," said Andre.
"If I knew I'd be back at my house with a plate of bacon." Even then, all Adam could think about was food.
"Your Majesty," Tyler began, "it would have to be something that happened here in Equestria, as magic does not exist where we come from. This means that someone would have had to have been tinkering with a magic spell that brought us all here."
"Wait." Everyone turned to Noah. His friends became apprehensive and anticipated what he was going to say. Besides the fact that he was a sharp tongued troll with little shame, Noah was easily the wisest of the group. The only other person there that could think like him was Andre. In fact, Andre would be on Noah's level if he cared to try. Like most things, Andre would have been excellent at it if he had just put his mind to it, but was too lazy to try. "Look at who is here: me, Tyler, Andre, Adam. You guys are basically the best friends I have in the whole world. I am pretty sure this has something to do with me, considering the company."
"OK," started Andre, "but the same is said for the rest of us. How do you know it is related to you specifically?"
"Because. Cody was also here. None of you guys are friends with Cody like I am. So, the only thing we all have in common is me. But I still have no idea why I was taken here, or why you guys came, either. I don't even know if my hypothesis is right, but that's the only pattern I could find."
"Very impressive," said Celestia with a smile. "I cannot tell the reason why you would be selected, but magic is very closely related to one's feelings and bonds. Your hypothesis does indeed have a plausibility to it. As for now, you four should let my scientists attempt to figure this out. In the meantime, you will have to reside in Ponyville. However," she said, her face hardening ever so slightly, "I will not hesitate to imprison you if I feel that you are bringing temptations to my kingdom. I realize that this sounds very harsh, but I will protect my kingdom, and if I feel that your culture and or nature is bringing others to what I have seen, then you will be imprisoned or exiled. Do I make myself clear?"
"Ma'am," Noah said, standing up. When he drew himself to his full height, he could look her square in the eye. Growing up in a Mormon household, he gave many talks in front of a formal congregation, which allowed him to exercise his ability to articulate and address a formal audience. "You have my solemn vow that we four individuals are men of upstanding moral character. With the exception of Adam. Adam is average, for the most part. We shall not now, nor ever, knowingly or intentionally bring an ethical issue to anyone in Equestria. We shall obey the laws to the fullest and be productive members of this society, should you let us reside in your kingdom." Celestia's gaze softened, and she smiled genuinely, which everyone promptly returned.
"I am glad to hear it, and I shall hold you to that promise. For now, I need you all to go to the town hall to fill out some immigration papers. You see, you are here from another country and therefore will need them. This is specifically for your benefit and for our records, nothing more. Head over to the town hall and some ponies will be waiting to receive you." With that, she walked out the door, said "farewell" to Fluttershy, and departed for Canterlot. They sat around and just looked at each other for a moment.
Fluttershy came back in, and approached them smiling widely, "Oh, wow! You guys must be important to get a personal visit from the Princess like that!" Even though she was happy and exclaiming to the best of her ability, she would've been easily drowned out by the drop of a pin.
"Right," said Tyler, not wanting to shake Fluttershy's faith in them by telling her what they were told. "Well, we have to go now and fill out some paperwork. The Princess asked us to have them since we're not from here."
"Oh, OK, I'll show you guys how to get there!"
They approached the tall building with mild apprehension. This had to be the largest building in Ponyville, but even so, it was still pretty small to the four of them. They lived near the District of Columbia, and had been there many times. The buildings there were far larger than anything in Ponyville.
"Isn't it huge?" Fluttershy asked.
"Yeah," Adam started, "I suppose it's large, but relative to the buildings where we come from, this is small. For a town hall, this would hardly be considered impressive." Fluttershy's face fell.
"Oh." Tyler saw this and knew how easily Fluttershy was hurt, and he jumped in quickly.
"But, the architecture is way different and more visually appealing than our buildings. I love it."
"Oh, yay! I am happy that you guys like our town!" she said, smiling now.
Tyler sighed in relief. He was normally the one doing damage control for his friends; always apologizing for their rudeness or inappropriate jokes. It was something he had gotten used to since they met so long ago in a little A+ classroom in Centreville.
"OK, well, we'll see you later, Fluttershy."
"OK, bye." She turned and walked back to her cottage, a limber Angel hopping steadily beside her.
"OK guys, be cool. Adam, please don't cause a scene," Tyler pleaded.
"Yeah I know. I respect the passport people because without them, Columbus would have never found America." Whether he was serious or not, no one knew. All that mattered was that he vowed to behave. They opened the front door and walked inside slowly, unsure of what would happen once they got inside.
They looked around, and saw a various assortment of ponies walking to and fro or having idle conversations. Two of them looked up from a small set of tables and chairs and started towards them. One was a unicorn with a large camera around his neck, and the other was a pegasus carrying a two-sided saddle bag. The two ponies reached them promptly, the smaller off the two ponies, the one with the camera, addressed them first.
"OK, if you gentlemen will just move over here we can get started."
"Huh. Interesting," Noah said, poring over his new document. "They got my height, weight, species, and place of origin. That's oddly specific for a land that's supposed to be so peaceful, don't you think?" he said, turning to Tyler.
The whole process had taken about an hour. It wasn't a lot of paper work, but it was tedious. They had asked them about everything from name right down to blood type. Several of the questions none of them knew how to answer. As they got to the birth dates they found that saying they were born in the 1990's put them at about 990 years into the future, the correct dates for their births put them all around 980 CR.
"I don't know what you mean," he admitted.
"Well, if this land is so peaceful, then why would they need so much info on someone? I mean back in the States they kept records like this in case you did something ba- oh. Right." He just remembered what Celestia said to them, and it was quite obvious that they would be watched, if only for the time being.
"OK, so what do we do now?" Andre asked.
"Well, I'm not really sure," Noah admitted, "I guess we could just exp-"
"HEY! Tahler! Over here!" They all looked over and saw Applejack running towards them stopping just short of knocking into Adam. "Hey, there! I wanted ta show y'all somethin' mighty cool! Y'all willin' ta come'n see it with me?" This was incredibly sudden, but Tyler jumped into his response before anyone else could.
"Uhhh, sure Applejack, we'd love to!" Her face contorted as she smiled widely, turning around. She looked back and said, "Come on, y'all! Time's a-wastin'!" She darted off, the four humans struggling to keep up. Ponies were incredibly fast compared to humans, even when just walking Adam somehow managed to keep up with his friends, even though he did it with the grace of a constipated back mule. He wasn't even breathing hard, whereas the other three were panting just a little. They ran for about a minute and a half before reaching the Apple Family Farm. She slowed to a walk, and so did her company.
"So," Noah started, "what exactly is it you wanted to show us?" Applejack turned and looked at them, her mouth twitching slightly.
"It's right through here, in the barn." She opened one of the doors wide. It was dark, and difficult to see, but they all walked inside anyway. They all recoiled when the door was slammed shut behind them. Then it was as though a supernova had gone off inside the barn. The whole area was flooded with light and deafening sound. It kind of sounded like a bunch of people saying-
"SURPRISE!" A pink flash darted from the back right into Andres face, smiling wider than its actual head.
"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie and I threw this party just for you guys! Are you surprised, huh, are ya are ya are ya?!" She stood there, smiling, head rapidly moving between the four of them. How did I not see this coming? thought Tyler, mentally berating himself for not getting the hints from Applejacks body language and the fact that they were new in the town.
"Yeah, you sure go- AHHH!" Tyler wasn't done with his sentence before Pinkie grabbed him and threw him into the middle of the room.
"HIT IT, VINYL!"
"With pleasure." The light grey pony magicked a disc into the air and onto the turntable. The glow around her horn intensified, and it surrounded the two gigantic towers on either side of her. Within a moment, she was playing some nice music, DJing with skill and precision. Pinkie Pie started dancing wildly, an absolute beast on the dance floor. Tyler stood there, nervously.He looked around and realized most of the ponies were staring at him waiting for him to start dancing with Pinkie.
Tyler was, again, an antisocial fuck-up. Before, it was a small bar, only him and a few others, and he was drunk. Now he was sober, it was everyone in town, and he was at a party that was thrown for him and his friends. His legs seized up. His breathing became shallow and fast, an uncomfortable heat ran along his back and neck. He thought he was going to have a heart attack, when he felt hands on his shoulders knock him slightly off balance, pushing him to the edge of the room. He turned and saw Noah helping guide him to the wall.
"Thanks, man." Tyler said a little shakily.
"Yeah no problem. I know how you are with these things, so why don't you just stay here for awhile."
"Yeah, that's probably what I'm gonna d-do." Tyler was still trembling slightly. Noah turned and made his way to the dance floor, and proceeded to break it down. Noah was the exact opposite of Tyler in public; he was outgoing, obnoxiously loud and inconsiderate, and he had no problem in front of a crowd of eyes. This made him great at parties, and everyone loved him then. In public places, like malls and the such, people hated him for how rude he was, even when asked to quiet down. The only public place where he really showed respect was at movie theaters.
Tyler watched his friend in awe. He had heard Noah talk about the stuff he did at Mormon dances, but he always thought Noah was blowing hot air. Apparently he wasn't. Noah was throwing down moves excellently. He got on the ground and breakdanced in perfect time with the beat. First a six step, leading into a swipe. He worked with blazing fast footwork, and went right into a windmill. He even approached a mare and led her to dance, expertly leading her through the swing. It was pretty badass.
"So, we just gonna sit here?" Tyler looked to his right and found that Andre and Adam had joined him. The other two were a lot like Tyler, that they sucked at parties and dances. This of course was no fault of their own, they just didn't have the same environment that Noah did growing up; Mormon dances are the shit, and they knew it.
"Well, I am..... you guys just........ do whatever."
"You guys can stay here, I'm hitting the food table!" And Adam did what he said he would. He ate monstrously, devouring parts of one of the leg before he realized that there was no more icing on it. Then he rubbed a cupcake over the length of it and resumed eating.
"So, what do you want to do, Tyler? Adam and Noah are having the times of their lives, and we're just sitting here."
"I don't know dude. I don't do well in crowds. What about you? Why aren't you partying?"
"I don't know how to. I never really went to parties. Never appealed to me, I suppose."
"Hey," said a voice. Tyler turned his head from Andre and looked at Lyra. "You're the guy who asked us for directions yesterday, right?"
"Oh, uh, yeah I think so. I'm Tyler, nice to meet you." He put his hand forward, and Lyra took it with her hoof and they shook. Tyler felt a bit nervous talking to someone he didnt know, always had trouble with it. He couldnt start a conversation in a social setting if his life depended on it, "So what's your name?"
"I'm Lyra. So, what exactly...are you?"
"We're humans." We. Only then did Lyra notice the other human sitting next to Tyler. She immediately offered her hoof.
"Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't notice you. What's your name?"
"Andre," he said, shaking with Lyra.
"Nice to meet you. Anyway, I-" That was as far as she got before everything was instantly drowned out by an unbelievable over pressure of the air around them.
It was amazing. This music was intense and bassy, but it was unique; you could dance to it easily. It wasn't like most of the stuff Noah listened to, the hardcore stuff that got really famous. He decided he'd chance it and ask if he could play a song, as he wanted to share his collection of music with this DJ, hoping she would like it and be able to do something with it.
He gingerly approached her from behind, going around the speakers. He stopped behind her about a foot away. He always got nervous when he approached the DJ at the dances back home, and this time it was even worse, since she was of an entirely different freaking species.
"You want something?" she asked, turning her head back at him, catching him off guard.
"Oh, uh, yeah. I was wondering if I could make a request?"
"I mean, sure. If I got it on one of my records, I'll play it." Oh crap, that's right! Things don't run on electricity here!
"Nevermind, you can't play it."
"Play what?"
"Oh, I was just going to ask if I could play a song or two off of," he got his phone out of his pocket. "this." It began to glow and Vinyl lifted it towards her in her magic.
"What is it?"
"It's a phone. It's used for communication, and it's got a small speaker in it and a microphone so others can hear you can you can hear them."
"Well, I mean if it's got a speaker in it then I could just use magic to have my speakers mimic the movements of the speaker in your.... whatever this thing is." This perked Noah right up.
"Really!?"
"Yeah, shouldn't bee too difficult. I've done it once or twice for boosting purposes."
"OK, start it, and I'll get the song. I think you'll like it."
"Sure thing, bro."
The speaker in Noah's phone began to glow, and the music that was already playing faded; the link was established. Noah scrolled through his music, and found what he was looking for, perhaps the hardest song in his library: X-Rated by Excision. He selected it, and immediately the large speakers went to work. The footsteps caught most of the crowd off guard. Then the growling came, and everyone looked around, slightly frightened. Then the voice came one, and their apprehension died rather quickly.
Explicit expert, the highly exalted.
I exercise dance floors, leave'em exhausted
Explore an apex sound expedition filled with excess demons,
Y'all can bring the exorcisms.
I exert stress when I export beats
That exhilarate the hard and exterminate the weak.
Execution level next, no way to explain it:
I'm X-X-X bitch, triple X-Rated
When the bass dropped, it dropped hard. The speakers were pumping out walls of grimy, filthy bass that ended all conversations, and massaged everyone's eardrums. It was awesome; the barometric changes from the compression waves were pure ecstasy, blurring everyone's vision with every bass stab and every note in the beat. Vinyls jaw dropped for only a moment before she was headbanging. Hard. She was into and almost immediately began working magic, literally, on her turntables, mixing it masterfully, giving the right changes, mixes, and adjustment to every single note. After four minutes, it was over.
Vinyl was panting from how fast she was working in order to keep up, she had to use her hooves, and she did it all while maintaining the magical link between the five speakers and head banging. Everyone was looking at her expectantly after the song, and she knew she had nothing to play after that kind of masterpiece. She got her mic, and gave everyone the news.
"Look, I know that we've only been here for an hour, but I can't follow that song up with anything else, so for now, I'm done. I'm gonna take a break, and I'll catch y'all in a little while." She played a generic background track to hold over the crowd while she rested.
"Dude," she said, turning to Noah, "what was that?"
"It was one of the best tracks made by one of the best DJs around where I come from. His name is Excision."
"What kind of music is that? What kind of sound was that? I've never heard anything like it before."
"It's what we call dubstep, and what you just heard is a prime example of dirty bass."
"Tell me more about this dubstep stuff. I gotta get into this." And they talked music.
"What WAS that?" Lyra asked.
"That was just Noah. I wouldn't ask too many questions about what he does." Tyler and Andre had been kind of bobbing their heads to the music as it played, like Noah, they both enjoyed dubstep as well.
"Oooookaaaaay. So anyway, can you tell me more about humans?"
"Yeah, sure. So, uh, what do you want to know?"
"Well, let's start with...." And she asked him questions, and they gave her answers. She seemed very interested in human physiology. So lead the rest of the party; Noah mingled and danced, and played music with Vinyl; Adam ate. And ate. And ate, then used the bathroom, then ate some more. Andre, Tyler and Adam talked with Lyra for a few hours about humans.
And for the first time, in a long while, they all enjoyed themselves.
Celestia closed the magic cloud before her. She had been using it to watch the four humans at their party, examining what they did, how they acted. She could not let them go without surveillance.
At first, she had thought everything would be fine. The humans had seemed nice enough, and she had sensed no ill will comming from them; but when she talked to them at Fluttershy's cottage, she felt something. Something....dark. As soon as she told them what she knew of human issues, it was like she was engulfed in a bath of intense anger. It very quickly became disbelief, and then just as quickly turned into acceptance and then sorrow, deep, painful sorrow. Though the anger was still there somewhat... but like it had been covered and pushed down by stronger emotions. Dangerously bottled up. She had no idea who the violent flashes of emotion came from, but she knew that one of those four humans had a deep inner quarrel, a terrible emotional war within themselves, as though they had one side fighting to get out and rear it's ugly head. She sighed deeply, fatigued, and retired to her bed chambers.
A/N
*arbitrary statement*
*tries logic and reason*
*witty response*
*attempt at a witty response*
*slightly confused*
*joins the gang up on Tyler*
*victoriously smug statement*
*raises middle finger*