//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 // Story: Grasping for Hope // by Haoryu Changer //------------------------------// “I want to be a superhero when I grow up!” Cozy beamed at the blue colt that hovered above her. Today, they were hanging out at the local busted-up playground with a brown hue of rust everywhere. Like it always was. “Become a royal guard then. There’s nothing closer to that.” The colt gasped, smiling at her. “You can grow up to be a princess then! And I’ll be the one to protect you.” She giggled. “I don’t think I’ll become a princess any time soon. Besides, that title doesn’t fit me.” “Okay, then how about…” The colt raised a hoof to his chin, rubbing the beard that didn’t exist yet. “Queen.” Cozy giggled again and shook her head. “O-or Lord?” She thought about it for a moment, humming to herself. “Nah, too fierce.” The colt thought for a few more seconds before he perked up and said, “Oh, I know! Empress!” “Empress, huh?” Cozy Glow laughed for a couple of seconds. “Is that the best one we can think of?” She stared at the colt. He hovered above her with a smile for a moment, wondering if that meant a yes or no. His body was battered and lifeless the next. His smile was gone, his blue eyes empty, the wings on his back scorched black. He stared at her expressionless. Cozy’s heart started to quicken. No words seemed to want to come out of her mouth. The happy colt was back, raising a curious brow, awaiting her answer. Then, the injured version replaced him again, unmoving. The happy foal, moments away from saying something, returned. The dead pony switched with it one last time. He stared into her soul, piercing into it. Cozy snapped her eyes open, gasping for air. She would have noticed the slight jolt from the other creature sleeping nearby if her mind wasn’t so chaotic. She looked around the dark forest, greedy for oxygen. Her heart was pounding, threatening to beat right out of her chest. She wiped her sweaty forehead and soon realized her sleeping bag was also a bit damp. She calmed herself and concluded it was only the quiet, peaceful, safe forest. There wasn’t a colt around in a reachable distance. Looking to her left, she stared at the unmoving dragon in his sleeping bag, a little bit away from her, and turned away. He was still asleep, unmoving at the very least. Even so, she had to whisper, “Spike, are you awake?” Spike didn’t reply, and she closed her eyes, sighing shakily. She didn’t wake him up, which relieved her somewhat. She didn’t have the mind to explain her nightmare through a lie. “What’s wrong?” Gritting her teeth, Cozy looked over to the saddlebag beside her. Reaching inside, she pulled out two things: a bottle filled with liquor and a magic dampening ring. She took off towards the waterfall with one last glance at the sleeping drake. Maybe the sounds of rushing water would help alleviate her headache. Sitting at the river’s edge below the waterfall, she hastily put on her ring with her hooves. “Come on! I hate drinking time!” She couldn’t ignore the unhinged, whining voice. Thus, she quickened her pace with a look of panic. The first step was the ring. She had a bunch of experience putting it on with her bare hooves, making it a quick, easy action. Once the ring was on, she grabbed the bottle with her hooves. At least she tried to. In her panic, she fumbled with the bottle for a few seconds. She picked the cork off with her teeth and brought the bottle to her lips. Abruptly, it got ripped out of her hooves with green magic. Standing up and glaring at the culprit, she yelled, “When did you have magic?” “When did you turn into an alcoholic?” Spike glared back at her. She clenched her teeth, taking a wide stance and spreading her wings. “Give that back!” “I’m not letting you drink!” His voice was composed, and his expression was stern. “I’m not going to repeat myself!” “If you wanted this back, you would take off that ring and take it from me!” Cozy Glow growled, her face turning red. Just when Spike thought she was going to pounce on him even with her magic weakened, she screamed out, “FUCK!” She huffed and plopped down on her haunches, sending her hating glares to the river instead of Spike. His face softened, and he walked over to Cozy Glow. “Are you... depressed or something?” he asked, standing above her and holding the drink tight at his side. His question was awkwardly worded but sincere, Cozy thought. She knew Spike could lie or at least fake sympathy, but she long had the ability to read creatures. Spike sat next to her, dangling his legs over the edge of the drop. “Want to talk about it? Your nightmare, I mean.” Her eyes widened as she looked at him. “You were awake? Why didn’t you answer?” “Because I knew something was up with you.” “How?” “Because you asked if I was awake.” He raised a brow at her. She went silent, closing her jaw and looking back at the river. Together, they sat and watched the running water. For a couple of minutes, neither moved nor made a sound. Eventually, Cozy said softly, “Just for the record, I do care if I disturb your sleep.” “I know,” Spike said with a small smile. “But you wouldn’t ask me if I were awake. You’d most likely wait and see if I was up before trying to sneak off.” He was right, Cozy realized. She would do that. The shock from the nightmare, along with panic, made her act slightly different than she usually would. Perhaps spending all this time with her allowed him to learn how she acted. “Why did you leave Equestria?” The question cut deep into her soul. She swore that this creature of scales sitting beside her wanted to destroy her from within. Too bad the opposite was true; she knew him too well to believe that. “Didn’t I already tell you? Magic is misused all the time. It’s dangerous.” “I believe you,” Spike said with a short nod, “but that wasn’t the full story.” He knew it as fact. Cozy cursed him in her mind for being so sharp. Typically, ponies were so dumb they were easy to manipulate. Tartarus, even the likes of Twilight, Tirek, and Chrysalis were doable. Not Spike the Dragon, it seemed. “Come on, you can trust me,” he said in a soft tone before giving her a small smile. “Besides, I’m a great listener.” Despite her current emotions, that caused Cozy to chuckle. “I could only imagine being near Twilight all the time.” “Hey, her lectures aren’t all that bad. You get used to them after a while.” Cozy Glow smiled at the fond memories from her time at the School of Friendship. Looking back now, she missed those days. Her headache remained, but the school made it so much better. “I have a colt in my head.” Spike stared at her for a few seconds, silent but wide-eyed. Putting on a confused look, he asked, “Was that figuratively, or-” “No,” Cozy cut him off, “I have the literal soul of a colt inside me.” “Oh.” Spike turned back to the river. “Wow… wasn’t expecting that.” Cozy Glow sighed. “Even right now, he’s yelling at me while we talk.” “Okay…” Spike said, “That’s a lot to take in. Do you think you could give me the longer version?” She turned to him. The stupid dolt was giving her an encouraging smile. It was working. He cared. He cared about her. It was evident as the moon in the sky. But she just wondered why. Sure, they had grown a small bond in the past week, but he acted as if they were close since birth or something. Was it just his goodwill? Or perhaps he was doing it because “it was the right thing to do.” Cozy would have held some contempt if it were the latter, but she had a real good feeling that wasn’t the case. At least, mainly. She breathed out a huge sigh. Her mind wandered to her past before all of this. Before meeting historical figures, becoming an alicorn, and abandoning Equestria. “When I was young—” She cleared her throat. “—younger. I had a close friend.” Spike scooted a little closer. “Way back before you met me, we were living in a rundown town on the outskirts of Equestria,” she started. “We never knew our parents. But we did have a caretaker. Er, rather, more like an owner.” “Owner?” Spike gave her a concerned look, even though it was long ago. Cozy Glow looked to the night starry sky. “Life was… rough, to say the least. My friend was the only other pony I knew at the time.” She smiled. “My best friend: Sky Shard.” The memories flooded her head like a typhoon. It kept the smile on her face for a while. She remembered the hard work days, the easy, relaxing playdates, and the garbage food she cherished. “Back then, he was the only thing that made me smile.” “What happened to him?” Spike had to ask. An explosion shook the entire town. Gasps rang out as Cozy hurried towards the factory where Sky worked. The roof of it was blown out, leaving it open with black smoke escaping. She rushed inside, coughing as the smoke entered her lungs. Sky Shard was found on the floor in less than a minute. With haste, she grabbed his limp body and carried him out of the building. “He died.” Spike expected something along those lines. With a nod, he stayed silent to listen. “It was an accident with magic. As a naive filly, I wasn’t sad or upset by his death. I just thought that because magic took him away, magic could repair him. Just like a toy. I was so fucking wrong. “I researched everywhere for a spell that would bring him back. To me, it was just temporary loneliness. I ran away from the only place I ever called home and studied hard, using every moment I was awake to do so. Soon, I came across a spell that could bring him back. All I needed was some way to cast magic. “Thankfully, there are a lot of artifacts that hold magic. I took an old one my caretaker used to own and used it to cast the spell. The spell worked. He came back just like the spell promised. Unfortunately…” her breaths turned shaky. She looked up at the blue ghostly form that was Sky Shard’s soul. Her bright smile faded as she took in his crazed laughter. It sounded nothing like him. “He wasn’t anything like he was when he was alive. His soul came back corrupted. Instead of the nice and gentle colt I knew, he was cruel, twisted, and sadistic. He was selfish… insane. More like a ravaged animal than a cute pony.” Hushed whispers swarmed her head, but it was too quiet to bother her. “His soul wouldn’t last without a body, so it latched onto the nearest vessel.” Spike nodded in understanding. “I tolerated it for a few months, but I was still too naive back then, thinking he would turn back to normal by chance. I thought I would have a buddy in my head until I got him a body. But before I knew it, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was driving me mad. “I found the smartest unicorn in the next town over. He was crazy but was knowledgeable about magic. All I wanted was Sky Shard out.” She still remembered being strapped to a table, screaming her lungs away as she was zapped with magic. Her eyes would be wide, and tears streamed down her cheeks. “For days, I endured some painful spells. It was the same schedule every day: wake up, eat, take on a spell, pass out, repeat. It took way too long for me to realize the piece of shit stallion just wanted to do some tests. He never saw someone with two souls in the same body in all his years of studying magic. He had no intention of getting him out. So I escaped the moment I got the chance when he wasn’t looking. “After that, I stopped trusting others. I thought I could remove him myself by going to the heart of all magic—inner Equestria. It took some years to prepare a plan, but at some point, I stumbled across Tartarus. I knew Tirek was there according to my studies. I thought I found my solution, so I wrote to him. I was skeptical at first, but when he told me I could drain all the magic from Equestria, I thought that was the perfect idea. Magic took away my friend, and when I tried to bring him back, he was corrupted, turning me crazy by the second. “Magic hurt me so much. It was dangerous. I didn’t want anything to happen to anyone else. “I also thought if magic was removed, that might release his soul from my body.” She turned to look at Spike. “And you were there when I tried to drain all the magic. Things might have gone differently if Sky Shard hadn’t meddled with my thoughts.” Spike nodded. “Is that why you didn’t go to Twilight? She would have been more than happy to help you.” Cozy shrugged. “I couldn’t trust her,” she said before sighing and looking at the river. “In hindsight, I should have just taken the risk. I wouldn’t have gotten sentenced to Tartarus and lost faith in this world.” Spike’s mouth went agape. He felt his stomach drop at her words. It made him feel awful, and the back of his throat started to feel funny. Cozy Glow’s eyes looked empty, nothing like they did during their race earlier in the night. “Y-your faith?” “I used to pray to Celestia and Luna daily to make his voices stop,” she continued. “I thought maybe Luna could hear my cries in my dreams or Celestia’s warm touch would ease my mind. But they didn’t. And before I could explain myself, they threw me away and left me to be forgotten.” He put on a soft look. “I’m not saying what we did to you was right, but Cozy, you did seem… crazy.” She furrowed her brows at him. “You try living with an insane colt in your head. Let’s see if you don’t turn out a little crazy yourself.” Spike clamped his mouth shut. “Fair.” She leaned backward a bit. “It wasn’t all bad. My theory about Sky Shard being linked to magic was sort of correct. And since magic constantly drains you there, my head was much quieter after such a long time. I could think to myself. “As you already know, I was in Tartarus for a while. No one visited, and all I had to make do was Tirek, who didn’t want to be anywhere near me, let alone be my friend. When Discord posing as Grogar freed the two of us, I knew it was my only chance to be free from anyone, so I played along with their plans.” “Did you try to see if Tirek absorbing your magic could have done anything?” “I could, but then I’d be a weakened pony who’s a wanted criminal.” Spike clicked his tongue. “Makes sense.” “Eventually, we found the bewitching bell, and the three of us powered up. As an alicorn with magic surging through me, I was finally powerful enough to fight back against Sky Shard’s voice. After that, we double-crossed ‘Grogar,’ and the other two had plans to attack Equestria. I played along until they were out of sight, and that’s when I finally abandoned everything.” “Why didn’t you attack Equestria with Tirek and Chrysalis?” Cozy looked over to Spike, his question seeded with curiosity. “Didn’t you hold some disdain towards everyone?” She shrugged, saying, “We would have lost either way.” She stared into Spike’s emerald eyes as she spoke. “I’m not stupid. Twilight and her friends’ power is unbeatable. There was no way we could have won with even three of us. “On top of that, I was already done with Equestria. It killed my friend. It threw him away like trash and nearly got me, too. I wanted to go and scream at the princesses for what happened, maybe give them more than that, but it wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t their fault, whether I wanted to believe it or not. I had many chances to do anything, and I chose the wrong option every single time. “And that’s where we’re at right now. I found that small village and laid low for a while. I didn’t know if anyone was looking for me, but I wanted peace and quiet. Being so far away from Equestria brought some of that, so… I was content for a while. But before I knew it, Sky Shard started speaking up more often. Being an alicorn was still helping a bunch—he’s toned down ever since—but it was still there. I found out that alcohol would shut him up and let me sleep.” After all that, the two children sat silently, staring up at the night sky. It was wordless for a good while. Spike’s mind was all over the place. It was a lot to take in, but a wave of understanding blew through him. A pegasus filly trying to drain all the magic once made no sense to anyone. Now, it was clear as day. He pitied her. She had been through way too much for her age. He couldn’t imagine stuff like that happening to an innocent filly. It was so awful that it shouldn’t have been possible. Above everything else, though, one thing stuck out in his mind. His guilt. All she needed was a helping hoof or claw. He never felt so guilty before in his life. If he had spoken up back then, maybe someone, anyone could have helped her. Twilight Sparkle, Starlight Glimmer, fuck, they even had contact with Starswirl the Bearded. They would have surely done something to help her. “Do you know why Twilight gave up on me?” The question that cut his thoughts stabbed him in the heart. Cozy Glow never sounded so vulnerable. “Did she say anything?” she asked, looking at him with empty eyes. “...About talking to me in Tartarus?” Spike only had one way to answer that. Cozy Glow was too sharp for even a white lie. He hated that the only option was brutal. “No.” Cozy nodded at that, looking at the water stream. “I know alcohol is awful, but… It’s an easy way to shut him out.” Nodding, Spike tightened his grasp on the bottle. “It’s my fault anyway. Sky Shard drives me crazy, but I should be strong enough to push him back.” Spike widened his eyes. Before he knew what he was doing, he reached forward, grabbing Cozy Glow’s hooves. She stared at him in stunned silence as he glared at her. “It’s not your fault!” he yelled. “I’m sorry you had to do this all on your own, but you can’t blame yourself for trying to do what you thought was right!” Cozy stared at her held hooves before gazing at Spike’s teary, compassionate green eyes. She could not say anything before he pulled her into his arms. As he tightly hugged her into his chest, she became still as a rock with widened eyes. “I’m so sorry I didn’t do anything to help you, but I promise I’ll be here for you from now on.” A lump came to her throat. She had no idea what the cause of it was. She tried swallowing it. When it didn’t go away the first time, she tried again. It didn’t work the second time, either. “It’s okay to cry,” he said softly. “You don’t have to act tough in front of me of all creatures.” Cozy Glow bit her bottom lip. Her throat became dry, and her heart was racing. Soon, her eyes felt the uncomfortable sensation of tears, and she started to shake. Sobbing, she hugged Spike back with her forehooves, digging her wet face deep into his chest. Spike rubbed her back with gentle motions as Cozy Glow’s sobs turned into full-blown wails—years of secrets unleashed. He told her it was going to be okay and kept repeating apologies. Her tears soaked his chest, and her horn poked it. It didn't hurt, and he didn’t care. Spike kept still, comforting her. Several minutes felt like hours for the both of them as they held onto each other as if their fates depended on it. Even after Cozy’s cries died down, she wanted the warm drake close to her for a little longer. Ultimately, she pulled back some, making Spike release her from the tight hug. Rubbing her burning eyes dry, she muttered, “Thanks…” Spike gave her a small smile. “Anytime.” After that, the two of them sat there in peaceful silence for a little while. When Cozy was ready, they headed back to their campsite, Spike leaving the bottle of alcohol behind. “So I was thinking,” Spike started as they neared their sleeping bags. “Maybe there’s another way to keep him quiet? At least for now until we save Twilight and the others.” Cozy hummed to herself, taking off her magic-dampening ring. Just then, Spike snapped his fingers with a smile. “Maybe your music? I remember you were playing when we first met at your house.” Cozy Glow paused, her mouth open a bit. Thinking back, she realized that Sky Shard didn’t bother her during her play sessions. “Ah, shit,” Spike said with a frown. “You didn’t pack your instrument.” Cozy smiled at his choice of words. “Actually…” With a couple of steps, she made it to her saddlebag. Reaching inside with her magic, she pulled out a tiny violin. “I shrunk this so I could fit it inside. I didn’t know why I did, but…” She trailed off. Spike smiled, sitting on a log. “Well, my ears are waiting.” She grinned back at him. Using magic, she enlarged the violin and its bow to its original size. Then, she brought it to her shoulder. With anticipation, Spike kept his gaze on her with a bright smile. His stare centered on her caused Cozy Glow to blush. Nevertheless, she closed her eyes and brought the bow to play the first note. Spike kept his ears clear as Cozy began to play. In the beginning, the notes were soft and measured. Every other second, she played a higher pitch one step at a time as if slowly ascending some stairs. When she reached the peak, she played a short but fast tune before starting at the bottom again. Gradually, she climbed those stairs again with her notes. It was all culminating, building up to an explosion at the peak. This was no mountain; it was a volcano. Releasing everything, she played as if she had no time left. Spike looked up at her with sparkling eyes of amazement. He once thought this filly couldn’t be any more incredible. Then, he recognized this part of the song. She played the same part when he first arrived at her doorstep. Except this time, it was much more rewarding. The build-up to the burst of strings was something he never knew he needed before. Although the only magic she used was to hold the bow, the music felt magical. He thought that at any moment, he would get lifted into the air without his consent, along with other creatures and life around them. Her song slowed down. Cozy opened her eyes to see Spike staring at her with those giant emerald orbs filled with admiration and delight. It brought a smile to her face as well as a blush, but it didn’t interrupt her performance one bit. Scaling the volcano again, this time, it erupted twice as powerful. The strings entranced the both of them as they stared into each other’s gazes. Neither wished to shift their looks, but they were more than happy to sign this unwritten contract. Soon enough, everything died down as Cozy’s melody came to an end, the last of her strings stopping at the base of the volcano. Immediately, Spike’s clapping replaced the silence. He had a bright, toothy smile as he said, “That was amazing, Cozy!” Flattered beyond belief, her blush intensified. “Thank you, but don’t act like you’re not amazing as well. I was Twilight’s assistant for a semester, yet I can’t imagine being one for years. Also, didn’t you work at Canterlot too?” Spike nodded. “I practiced being Celestia’s assistant before Twilight. But even after that, I occasionally went to help them during hard times. I’ve been full-time since we moved to Canterlot and became Twilight’s Royal Adviser, though.” Cozy Glow started walking up to him. “You’re underappreciated. Twilight became ruler, but you were there every step of the way.” He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly as she stood before him. “As long as my closest friends appreciate me, that’s fine in my book.” “Well…” Without warning, she pressed her puckered lips to his warm, draconic cheek. “I appreciate you.” Spike stood frozen solid. Looking at her with a face beating red. She could have mistaken him for a radish if she was dumb enough. Her lips were warm and so so soft. “Now, let’s get some sleep. I wasted enough of our night already.” Smiling, Cozy Glow turned tail, shrinking her violin and putting it away. She then proceeded to get into her sleeping bag. A small smile appeared on Spike’s features, and his heart was pounding so hard he swore it was going to burst out. He wondered if Cozy was the same. Getting into his sleeping bag, the two of them called it an incredible night that would stay warm in their memories for as long as they lived.