“From how you’re staring at me, you’ve obviously dumbstruck by my magnificence.” Trixie Celestia-whatever said. But Human Trixie hardly noticed, an irresistible question bubbling to her lips.
“Can I ride you?”
“What?” Trixie Celestia-whatever replied, baffled.
“Can I ride you? I love horses!” Human Trixie suppressed a girlish giggle. While a dumb and childish impulse, she couldn’t help herself. Horse Trixie was so adorable!
“You’re speaking to a literal goddess, and you ask to ride her?!” Trixie Celestia-whatever said somewhere between exasperation and outrage. “And I’m not a horse. I’m a pony!”
“That’s even cuter! Please!” And her coloring made her counterpart even more adorable. Who knew ponies came in pastel colors?
“No, it’s not happening! It’s beneath my dignity!” The Goddess of Mischief said, glaring.
“Um, guys.” Captain Cosmos said, trying to get her companions’ attention.
“You’re no fun,” Human Trixie said, pouting.
“Mortals. No respect at all! I don’t know why we even bothered rescuing you.” Trixie Celestia-whatever said, scowling.
“Guys!” Captain Cosmos said, shouting.
“What?”
“Eliminate.” The robot they’d assumed destroyed rose from the ground. Much to their collective distress, a brand-new squat head melted into place, like it’d been forged from liquid mercury. Human Trixie shrieked in terror as it pointed its laser cannon at them.
“It matters not.” Trixie Celestia-whatever said, bored. “It faces a goddess. She fears not one measly robot.” Her voice trailed off as the air rippled above them, reality ripped apart by some invisible hand. Four more metal monstrosities stepped through, each pointing a gun arm at their designated prey.
“Ah…. Run!” Trixie Celestia-whatever said, literally turning tail. Each Trixie fled for their lives, Human Trixie yelping as a beam singed her wonderful hair.
“You’re a goddess! Do something!” Human Trixie yelled at the supposedly divine version of her.
“Sometimes, the best method of dealing with a foe is to be elsewhere. But fear not, mortal, I’ll keep them distracted.” Trixie Celestia-whatever’s horn glowed a grayish magenta light, and hundreds of versions of their group appeared. Each fled in separate directions, sure to befuddle their pursuers.
But the robot monsters weren’t impressed with this trick. A beam shot from their helmets, washing a light over each duplicate. They fizzled out, like they’d never existed.
“You have got to be kidding me.” Trixie Celestia-whatever scowled. “If only they were living. I could use my Mind Stone against them.”
“Not surprising. It is a Trixie assassin, and illusions are our bread and butter.” Captain Cosmos said unhelpfully.
Was this it? Were they doomed?
“Hey, leave her alone!” A rainbow blur knocked the four metal monsters off course, zipping through their death beams.
“Sister?” Trixie Celestia-whatever said, surprised at the flying horse girl running interference. “Always the glory hound, eh?”
“And she’s not alone!” The wonderful, glorious Sunset Shimmer said, her friends running beside her.
With incredible brute strength, Applejack ripped a tree from its roots, hurling it at the robots. They flew off course to avoid it, putting them in perfect range for Pinkie’s sprinkle explosion barrage. Despite the abuse, they still lived, rising shakily from their impact craters.
“You’re not hurting anyone else!” With an outstretched hand, Twilight Sparkle grabbed them with a purple aura. Sweat beaded on her forehead as she stretched the robot monstrosities apart. They fought against the tug, but couldn’t match the girl’s raw telekinetic might. With a horrible rending of metal, they each tore to pieces.
“Phew. Glad that’s over with.” Twilight said, almost losing her footing. She’d used everything to destroy those monsters. “I’m beat!”
“Trixie, oh my gosh, are you okay?” Fluttershy said, rushing over. She doted over Human Trixie, searching for any possible injury.
“Fine,” Human Trixie said, more than relieved. “Thanks to my new friends here.”
“Impossible. Actual Equestrians.” Sunset said, mouth agape. “How is that possible? Shouldn’t you be human? How are you even here?!”
“Wowsers!” Pinkie Pie said. “It’s like I’m seeing triple! Except sorta, not really.”
“Never thought I’d see Equestrian ponies again.” Fluttershy said. “And they never stop being the cutest!”
“They just sorta showed up.” Human Trixie said. “Heck if I know what’s going on.”
“Call me, Captain Cosmos! The greatest hero in Equestria!” The superhero did a pose.
“Trixie, Goddess of Mischief, You did a great service, mortals.” Trixie Celestia-whatever said, showing no thankfulness for the rescue. She turned her attention to Rainbow. “And sister, you did your usual thing, smash everything in sight. Good job.”
“Thanks?” Rainbow looked at her friends for some clarification, but they only shrugged in response.
“Alternate Trixies.” Sunset mused. “And those robots were after you, too. Why is that?”
“Yeah, they mentioned something about I’m the Trixie of Universe 8888,” Human Trixie said, thinking out loud. “But why me? I’m just a fabulous but ordinary teenage girl!”
“That, Captain Cosmos, doesn’t know.” The pony said. “They’ve been chasing us across the multiverse. They seem bent on the destruction of every Trixie everywhere across the cosmos.”
“Why would anyone want Trixie, of all people, dead?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“We must eliminate all Trixie. It is the will of Proto.” A robotic voice said. They all gasped as the supposedly destroyed robots reforged together, no less hurt than when the battle started. Trixie choked on bile as more robots rose from the destroyed roof of Canterlot High, flying in their direction.
“Oh, come on!” Rainbow Dash said despairingly. “We just beat those!”
“Can nothing destroy these stupid things?” Sunset threw up her arms, frustrated.
“Whoever this Proto is, he must be controlling them with technological magic beyond even my understanding. If we don’t deal with him, we’ll be running for the rest of eternity.” The Goddess of Mischief said, scowling.
“There’s only one chance, the ship!” Captain Cosmos said.
“Ship?” Human Trixie wondered.
“Just the idea. Join us mortals, or die here.” Trixie Celestia-whatever said, already running,
“But.” Despite her terror, she couldn’t just leave Sunset and her friends to their doom. Indecision froze her limbs.
“Go!” Sunset said, ducking under a laser shot. “We’ll keep them distracted. They’ll leave once you’re gone!”
“But!” That was stupid logic. They had no guarantees the robot monstrosities wouldn’t slay them first before resuming the chase.
“You heard her, go!” The Goddess of Mischief said, waving at her to follow.
“I…” Human Trixie’s voice cracked, overwhelmed with sudden emotion. Tears stung her eyes as she fled with the other Trixies.
“Trixie! Stay safe, please!” Fluttershy’s anxiety turned to rage, directing her ire at the offending robots. “You jerks! You’re not hurting my friend!” Much to everyone’s astonishment, a proverbial zoo appeared to aid the shy girl. Lions, tigers, elephants, countless scores of birds, and even crocodiles, arrived for battle.
Where the heck did they come from? Human Trixie wondered, slightly alarmed. She yelped in fright as a laser beam zipped past. An elephant paid back this insult, crushing the offending robot under its massive feet.
“Okay, that was weird.” Trixie Celestia-whatever said, both awed and frightened. “In any universe, that mare has a serious temper!” The battle began, the Trixie hunters were driven back by the sheer ferocity of her protectors.
“Just around this corner!” Captain Cosmos guided them into a parking lot of a local burger joint.
The ship that greeted Human Trixie as they approached, however, wasn’t what she’d expected. “What a heap of junk! This can fly through the multiverse?”
While a sci-fi marvel, the craft seemed to be on its last legs. Its metal surface was dull and scarred. Pieces of the machine seemed ready to fall off. The egg-shaped ship had four wings and barely stood taller than the diner. People gathered around, gapping at the UFO. Some taking pictures. Others claimed it as only part of some movie shooting.
“It’s been through a lot, okay?” Captain Cosmos said defensively. “I salvaged it after an alien invasion a couple years ago.”
“Okay,” Human Trixie said, unsure how else to respond.
Before Captain Cosmos could shoo curious people away from her ship, people scrambled in fright as beams shot from the sky. More stupid robots appeared from nowhere, each eager to vaporize their prey.
“Inside!” Captain Cosmos pushed a button on her wristband, and a door zipped open to invite them in.
All three Trixies jumped inside, landing in a heap. The door almost caught Human Trixie’s leg as it closed as she fought to free herself from the tangle. The ship’s hull rattled as the robots pounded their fists against it.
“Trixie, start the engines!” Captain Cosmos cried, her tone desperate.
“Got it.” Another familiar voice said. The world jerked as the ship suddenly took flight. Trixie rolled backward as it flew away, groaning as her spine collided with a seat.
“That sucked.” What a day.
“Here, let Trixie help you up.” A hoof extended to pull her human counterpart from the metal floor.
“Thanks.” Human Trixie rubbed her sore back before turning her attention to the person who’d helped her. It was another pony Trixie, only this one wore a magician’s cape and hat. Human Trixie had to admit, they looked pretty cool.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie.” The pony Trixie said, shaking her hand with a hoof.
“Uh, Trixie too!”
“Exiting the universe.” The Trixie in the cockpit said. Human Trixie flinched as her vision became fuzzy for a second, making her stumble onto the seat. After a couple pained breaths, it passed as her head cleared.
“Whew, out of the universe!” Captain Cosmos said, whipping her brow.
“We’re not in the universe anymore?” Human Trixie looked out a window and gapped. Outside was nothing, not even stars. It was completely devoid of substance, blacker than nothingness.
“That’s the void. It exists between each universe. It’s devoid of everything. Light, matter, and even time.” Captain Cosmos said. “Some call it hell.”
“So we’re nowhere,” Human Trixie replied.
“Exactly.”
“Cheery.” Human Trixie turned away from the window, unsettled. Instead, she explored her surroundings. It appeared to be a lounge of sorts, with comfortable-looking circular seats. Though they ill-matched some for a human, clearly designed for pony people. While messy, it was futuristic and sleek, with a scruffy, golden surface.
“What now?” Human Trixie asked, awestruck that she stood in a freaking spaceship.
“That’s a good question.” The Great and Powerful Trixie replied. “And we’re not sure.”
“We’ve been gathering any Trixies we can to save them from those robots.” Captain Cosmos said.
“Sure, but where do they come from?” Human Trixie asked, impatient.
“That’s what we’re trying to ascertain. But with our current company, I’m not optimistic.” Trixie Celestia-whatever said.
“What?” Captain Cosmos said, indigent.
“We risked our necks to save some girl that isn’t a trained warrior, doesn’t have magic, or possesses any other useful skills.” The Goddess of Mischief replied.
“What?” Human Trixie clenched a fist, eager to deck the pony for her superior attitude.
Before the argument could come to blows, an unfamiliar Trixie interposed herself before the quarreling Trixies. “No fighting. Our troubles are bad enough as it is.” It was the Trixie from the cockpit. Much to Trixie’s astonishment, this Trixie possessed wings.
“Whatever.” Trixie Celestia-whatever rolled her eyes.
“Hello, my name is Trixie Lulamoon, the Element of Humility.” The Trixie offered her counterpart a gracious bow.
“Okay.” Was that supposed to mean something?
“Yes, Princess of Humility.” Trixie Celestia-whatever said snidely. “A worthy title, I’m sure.”
“You’re a princess?” Trixie said, amazed.
“Of sorts. I have no kingdom to my name. But my people are everyone, I am a light to help others in need.” The Princess replied.
“Huh. Are these all the Trixies you’ve collected so far?” Human Trixie asked.
“There’s one more down in storage,” Princess said. “For obvious reasons, we keep her down there.”
“The Goddess demands she be informed about how the operation went.” A voice inside Trixie’s head said, its volume making Human Trixie flinch.
“Can’t you just take it from our mind?” Trixie Lulamoon said.
“Yes, but the Goddess is lonely and needs company!”
“What the heck was that?” Somehow, a voice had just spoken in Human Trixie’s mind. How was that possible?
“Let me show you.” In the cargo hold, they guided Trixie to a tube that dominated the room. Inside was a murky liquid with something swimming within. From the glimpses Human Trixie had caught, she was glad she couldn’t make out any further details.
“I am the Goddess of the Unity!” Beside the vat of the unspeakable thing, a shining version of her pony self sat, her expression alight with a confidence of someone who believed themselves all powerful. “Savior of the Wasteland and ponykind’s guide to its apotheosis.”
“What the heck are you?” Human Trixie said, alarmed.
“She was involved in a scientific accident in some horror-filled post-apocalyptic future.” Trixie Lulamoon replied. “It turned her into this goop monster.”
“Your tone offends the Goddess.” The voice said. The illusion Trixie mouth moved with the words, but no sound came out. “The Goddess has a very tragic backstory that deserves respect!”
“Some Goddess.” Trixie Celestia-whatever said, her tone mocking. She skipped around the cargo hold before coming to a halt. “How about joining me for a dance? Despite some complications, the mission was a roaring success. Oh, right, you can’t! Imagine that, a divine being without legs!”
“The Goddess finds that very hurtful.” The voice said, tone meek. “She didn’t ask for this life!”
“Okay, at least we’ve gotten a lead.” Human Trixie said, changing the topic. “The robot’s master calls himself Proto. If we stop him, we’ll get our lives back!” And her lovey-dovey time with Sunset Shimmer.
“Proto, huh?” Humility scratched her chin. “I have an idea. If we track those robots back to their home base, it’s one step closer to stopping him!”
“Okay, but how? They’re super unkillable death robots! We can’t just ask to hitch a ride!” Human Trixie said, frustrated.
“We’ll need an expert.” Captain Cosmos stroked her chin. “A true genius in magical studies! If Proto is magically linked to them, we’ll use that bond to locate him.”
“Ugh.” The Great and Powerful Trixie groaned. “You’re not suggesting we beg for Sparkle’s help?”
“Agreed. From personal experience, that mare is a viper!” Humility said, showing genuine anger. It seemed odd on her usually serene features.
“She’s the one who doomed me to this hellish existence!” The Goddess spat.
“Not all Twilights are that bad.” Human Trixie rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. “But regardless, this crew can’t do it alone.”
Before anyone could respond, an alarm buzzed. Panic filled Humility’s expression, flying/leaping into the cockpit. With frantic energy, she pulled levers and pressed buttons.
Captain Cosmos answered Human Trixie’s unasked question. “Our senses have detected more robots. Not towards us, but heading for another universe. They’re after another Trixie!”
“Heading in that direction now.” Humility said, buckling up. “Buckle up and hang on!”
Everyone did as instructed. Human Trixie grimaced as she clipped on restraints designed for someone half her size, and a quadruped. “Let’s hope we get lucky and this Trixie possesses the expertise we need.”
“Now that’s optimistic.” The Goddess of Mischief said.
“Everypony, hang on. This might be a bumpy ride!” Humility said, the ship jittering as it returned to real-time. Human Trixie flinched as something snapped off the hull as the ship’s shaking rose to a fevered pitch. A wonderful, clear blue sky greeted them as she gazed out the window, the sun high in the sky. From its position, it seemed likely it was nearly noon.
“Not good,” Humility said from the cockpit. “I’ve lost complete control of the steering. We’re going in hot.”
“What?!” Human Trixie wasn’t the only one distressed by this news.
“Those robots must have damaged the ship worse than I suspected.” Humility tapped some buttons, to little obvious effect.
“Hold on, we’re about to make a crash landing!” Captain Cosmos said before the entire world tumbled as the ship flipped end over end until after a moment it impacted into something and came to a juddering halt.
---
“Ugh.” Human Trixie groaned, her skull spitting something fierce. Otherwise, her wonderfulness was in one piece. She took stock of her surroundings, finding nothing but splintered wood and glass from outside the window. It seemed they had crashed into a building, a house most likely.
“Is everyone okay?” Human Trixie asked.
“I’ve felt worse after an entire night of partying, but otherwise, I’m okay.” The Goddess of Mischief said, readjusting her helmet back into place.
“It knocked the Goddess about, but she’s otherwise okay.” A telepathic voice said.
But the others had suffered serious injuries. Humility dragged herself from the cockpit, a wing bent at an odd angle. The Great and Powerful Trixie was unconscious, bleeding from the scalp. Beyond some bruises, Captain Cosmos was otherwise fine.
“Let’s hope we can find medical attention.” Captain Cosmos said, limping over to the front hatch. She tried and failed to push it open.
“So much for our cool spaceship,” Human Trixie said, sighed. She helped with the door, adding her greater weight to the effort. “How do we escape if the robots attack?”
“One problem at a time.” Humility said, joining the effect. They scowled as Trixie Celestia-whatever hung back, doing nothing to help.
“What?” Trixie Celestia-whatever said innocently. “Isn’t it a mortal’s job to do all the hard work?” But the collective effort paid off, the door sliding free.
“Where are we?”Human Trixie asked, gazing around. They seemed to be in the remains of someone’s house, pony from its shorter proportions. While richly furnished, she couldn’t help but notice the bourbon bottles littering the floor.
“My house!” A familiar voice said. “My window! Bon sang! I just had it fixed too! Dear Luna, and now some weird bear creature has stumbled out of that metal egg thing,”
“Yeah, sorry about that,” Human Trixie said, jumping out, her foot smacking against a bourbon bottle. “But my name is Trixie Lulamoon, and we’re here to help!”
The new Trixie only started, eyes boggling as more Trixies stumbled from the ship. Then she sighed, taking a deep swig from a floating half-filled Bourbon bottle. “Dear Luna, not more Trixies from another universe! What have I gotten into this time? My name is Trixie Lulamoon too, Ponyville’s representative of the Night Court and Element of Magic.”