The slice of chocolate cake was delectable, -- possibly the best I'd ever had in my life -- but no matter how delicious the confectionary was, it wasn't helping to improve the atmosphere in the room. While I had been the one to request we continue the discussion, I was no longer sure how to go about doing so. All I'd managed to accomplish since making my bold request was eat some cake, drink a little tea, and stare awkwardly at my hooves.
"Y'know, I really enjoy this cake," Princess Celestia drew my gaze as she broke the silence that had settled on us. I'm not certain whether her statement was meant to be directed at me, but I had an inkling it was. "It's not often I get to indulge in this... particular flavor, but when I do get such an opportunity, I take it without hesitation." She lifted the fork to her mouth, savoring another bite before daintily wiping her lips with a napkin. "Such is life. Wouldn't you agree, Twilight?" Her smile was equal parts kind and maternal.
"I do, Your Highness," I smirked, knowing exactly what she was trying to tell me. "It's just... difficult." I set my empty plate down, carefully laying the fork on top of it. "There's so much I wanted to ask you, so much I wanted to say to you, but honestly... I thought you'd be... different."
"Different?" she took a sip of her tea, an eyebrow raising curiously. "In what way, Twilight?"
"I thought you'd be a lot more... malicious," I wrung my hooves together, my confidence waning even further than it had been moments ago. Despite that, I was certain I didn't want to lose her attention.
"I thought you'd treat me the same way as you had... before... when..." I frowned, staring down at my hooves. I didn't want to sulk in front of her, but it felt impossible not to with the subject matter we were going to discuss.
"I'm... sorry, Twilight," she sighed. "At the time, I was under a lot of stress," her face screwed up in displeasure. "Though I suppose that never changes. More accurately, I was even more stressed than expected during that period," she offered me a sympathetic smile. "At the time, I merely did what I thought was for the best."
"You were overly stressed for eleven years!?" I snarked playfully, eliciting a quiet chuckle from the Sun Princess.
"It may be hard to believe, but a decade for me is like a minute for you, Twilight."
"To be honest, Your Highness... it's not hard to believe at all... not really," I shrugged. "My mistress often speaks with me of her immortality and all that entails."
"You and Lulu are really close, aren't you?" she beamed, unable to hide her joy at the possibility.
"I like to think so," I returned her warm smile, though mine began to falter when I pondered her question further. "Sometimes..." my head fell. "Sometimes it feels like she might... leave me behind." My eyes widened in shock as I looked at the alabaster alicorn. She looked a bit sad because of my unintentional confession.
I don't know why I'd said it out loud. Things that personal I'd never reveal to anypony other than my mistress. Especially negative thoughts like that though? Thoughts like that were something I did my best to keep concealed even from her.
Being in the presence of the Sun Princess was doing... strange things to me. The more time I spent alone with her, the less... tense I felt, as if a calming spirit surrounded her and relaxed anypony in her presence.
My mistress had a similar aura, though hers normally had a different effect. My mistress sowed a feeling of discomfort in typical creatures. Most chalked it up to her stony demeanor, but even when she was making an honest attempt at being pleasant Her Majesty tended to give off an air of superiority.
Because she is superior.
Princess Celestia seemed to have the opposite effect of that of her younger sister, I'd just always been too angry around the white alicorn to be influenced by it.
"I know my sister better than anypony else," another motherly smile came to her face. "She would never do that to you, Twilight. You're her greatest treasure." There was something hidden behind her eyes, something I couldn't quite put my hoof on. "Her beloved."
"Your Highness," the room suddenly felt... different. Colder perhaps? As if the princess herself had lost a few degrees of warmth. "Is... is something wrong?"
She closed her eyes, letting out a composed, -- seemingly rehearsed, but I couldn't be certain -- quiet laugh. The laughter escalated before turning into an exasperated groan as she raked her hooves down her face, stretching it out slightly. After the deepest intake of air I think I've ever seen any creature take, she blew it all out through her mouth before she was back to "normal", a kind smile back on her lips.
"Forgive me, Twilight. I can't stomach doing things of this nature." She picked up her teacup, taking a drink to settle her nerves, or so I assumed. "Especially when it comes to you."
When it comes... to me?
"Your... Your Highness? I don't understand." Her words confused me, but more concerning than that was the aching feeling that clawed its way into my heart. What she'd said could mean a plethora of things and I wasn't about to assume her intentions when it could be something critical about me or my past.
"I pride myself on my honesty, Twilight," she straightened up on the bed before placing her cup down. "As such, I will tell you what I can. From the beginning, if you're willing to lend me your ear."
"I am." I didn't have to think about it. "Go ahead, Your Highness." I waved a hoof at her. If she was talking it meant I wouldn't have to be and so, there'd be no uncomfortable silences.
"Very well," she made it abundantly clear she was pleased with my compliance as she got more comfortable. "Fourteen years ago I laid eyes on you for the first time all over again, Twilight. Do you recall that day?"
"I... I remember taking tests. A LOT of tests," I chuckled, though it was filled with more regret than mirth. "I didn't meet you then... I didn't even get to see you until years after that."
"If it had been up to me, I'd have met with each and every one of you, Twilight," she brushed her hoof along the bed, straightening out some of the wrinkles on it. "Unfortunately, there were far too many who aspired to be my student," she giggled. "It's not an exaggeration to say It was commonplace to receive thousands of applicants on a yearly basis."
THOUSANDS!?
"TH-THOUSANDS!?" I lost control of my telekinesis for a second at hearing that, my cup fumbling in my grasp before I recovered and managed to steady it. My outburst had drawn a wide smile to her face.
"I know. It's absolutely ludicrous," she laughed, not believing the reality herself. "Imagine all those creatures trying that hard, vying for the attention of somepony like me, no less. Thank goodness Raven came along," her smile grew at the mention of her aide. "Her... judgements bordered on ruthless and may seem heartless, but... without her..." the princess sighed in appreciation. "She's truly a godsend."
I still couldn't really process such a great number of creatures had been competing for the position. I knew it was a large number, but thousands? It didn't seem possible.
Especially if...
"Was everypony that tried allowed to come back?" I asked. "To try again, I mean. I imagine such an unreasonable number of turnouts had to equal thousands of repeats each year... right?"
"You would think so, wouldn't you?" she shook her head. "No. Raven was quite... rigid when it came to allowing multiple tries," she lifted a hoof my way. "You were the sole exception to the rule."
"The... rule?" I tilted my head.
"I had given Raven very specific guidelines on what..." she tapped her chin with a hoof. "kind of creature I was searching for. Each year brought an entirely new crop of prospects, except one." She looked sad all of a sudden. "Each year... you came back to me."
Raven... let me try all those times?
...
"Then... why, Princess?" All of a sudden I was sad, though it wasn't the typical consuming despair I felt whenever I thought of the Princess of the Sun. It was just... sadness. Much like parting with my mistress for the night, it pained my heart, but it didn't feel like my world was coming to an end. I couldn't rile myself up either, Princess Celestia's calming aura already purifying me. "If Raven had seen something in me, why couldn't you? Why wouldn't you? What did I do wrong? Why wasn't I good enough for you?" My voice was barely above a whisper, but I knew all the pain I'd been burdened with was getting through to the alicorn.
She didn't waver, didn't look away. Her eyes were locked on mine as I pleaded for answers. She endured. And then she softly spoke. "You never did anything wrong, Twilight. Please don't think my decision to choose Sunset was because of something you did."
"Then..." I pondered a moment, attempting to steel myself before continuing.
She said it was because of my mistress.
"What did you mean when you said my mistress "wanted" me?" The Sun Princess had already told me that was why I wasn't her chosen disciple, that much was true. But my mistress was no liar and she'd told me otherwise.
"Have you and my sister..." she clearly wasn't certain if she should continue so boldly, a touchy subject on the horizon. "Has she spoken with you of the... issues she was faced with a thousand years ago?"
She was trying to be evasive, or maybe secretive is a better word. Her concern warmed my heart. She was being cautious for my mistress' sake and I could never hold something like that against her.
"Yes, recently. But... she was hesitant to." I replied truthfully. If Princess Celestia was willing to give me the courtesy of being forthright, I would return it in kind. "She... she didn't want me to worry about her."
"That is my little Lulu in a nutshell," she shook her head in disappointment, but there was a small grin on her face. "But... if she actually told you then it means she's no longer keeping things bottled up inside."
"Your Highness?"
"My sister is a very proud mare..." her smile grew. "Perhaps the proudest creature in all of Equestria," she chuckled. "She would sacrifice her own happiness for those she cares for without a second thought, would gladly lay down her own life for those she loves... but..."
My heart ached. I knew exactly where she was going with this. I'd experienced it myself several times before. I wanted nothing more than to help my mistress, wanted nothing more than to lighten the load that she so courageously carried, to take away even one of her burdens, but...
"She won't ask for help," I nearly began to cry. It was... admirable. At least, that's how I chose to perceive it. If I looked at it any other way it could be something I hated about her, and I couldn't accept that.
"It was that lack of communication that almost cost us everything a thousand years ago." She kept a serene face, but I could feel another shift, like reality itself had grown... distressed by her words. "All the pain and grief she was experiencing festered as time passed. Her refusal to seek help combined with all of that... sorrow nearly resulted in catastrophe."
...
"But..." I wanted to defend my mistress, but by her own admission she'd been the one at fault. Princess Celestia had been the one to help her. "But you prevented it. She told me you were the one that saved her."
Her demeanor darkened a shade. "I simply came to my senses, nothing more. Luna is my all. I need her more than she could ever know." Her words were almost... cold, as if she were talking of her greatest foe and not her own family. She reached for her teacup -- notably, without the use of magic -- but she suddenly stopped, her hoof trembling before she noticed me staring. She withdrew her foreleg close to herself, holding it tightly with the other. "When... when my sister gave herself to the darkness-"
"W... when?"
But... she didn't...
Princess Celestia rubbed her head, as if an intense headache had gone crashing through her mind. "IF. Forgive me, Twilight. If my sister had given herself to the darkness. It was at that time I realized just how important her happiness is."
"Your Highness, I'm not gonna lie... that sounds kind of messed up," I stated bluntly. "You didn't know how important your own sister's happiness was before that?"
If that's true... then you're not a very good sister, Princess.
She glowered at me, her face taking on a soured appearance. "Lulu's happiness has always been a priority to me, but the importance of that happiness is not something I have always comprehended." Her scowl turned into an amused sneer. "Your evaluation of me lacks context, Twilight."
While a comment like that would've typically frustrated me, -- especially coming from her -- her soothing aura and my own desire for said context kept me icy. "Help me to understand, Your Highness." Her condescending look changed to one of satisfaction.
"I am the Princess of the day, Luna, the Princess of the night," her horn shined slightly as a small moon and sun appeared hovering before her. "On the surface, it's a simple concept. We govern our times and all relating to them, but that isn't all there is to it." She slowly floated the two heavenly bodies toward each other. The closer they got the more my mistress' jewel burned, the sun far too powerful for the moon to endure. As I watched my mistress' soul burn I began to weep.
"S-STOP!" I shouted desperately through the tears, reaching out with a hoof to try and... do something, anything. "Please, Princess..." Not even her godly aura had been enough to soothe me while witnessing something like that. The spells both dissipated to nothingness, her horn becoming lifeless once again.
"If the sun and the moon were ever to come to blows," she closed her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek. "There is only suffering."
I understood. Completely. The sadness inside of her drew me, compelled me to move.
So I did.
I kept my gaze low, not wanting to suddenly change my mind because she'd given me an unwanted look or tried to act like it was a misunderstanding.
"T-Twilight!?" I ignored her, forcing my way into her chest and hugging her tightly. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to comfort her or if her divine aura had finally conquered my senses and I was now fully under her spell. I couldn't care less. When she wrapped me in her wings, I forgot why I'd ever been angry with her.
What I did know was that she loved my mistress as much as I did. I couldn't hate somepony who felt like that.
...
"As I said before," she spoke as we held one another. "Luna took notice of you the first time she saw you. That interest only grew over the years." She moved back, though we stayed close. "To ensure my sister's happiness endured... to ensure that harmony persevered, I stepped back."
Then... then it really was because of her.
"I didn't know you'd take it so poorly, Twilight. I'm sorry. I knew you'd find your way back to me and you've never-" she was rambling and I wasn't listening.
"If... if not for my mistress..." I didn't want to ask, but I had to know. "Would you have picked me?"
"Twilight..." she smiled down at me, a wave of comfort washing over me. "I have chosen you. Countless times, over countless lives," she laid her hoof on my chest. "We are bonded to one another by more than you could ever know. It is growing inside of you as we speak, now that you've forsaken your hatred for me."
B-bonded!?
I stared down at her golden horseshoe as it gently pressed against me. The contact made my heart flutter. What I had thought was her godly aura... wasn't just that?
"I'm not sure what you mean, Your Highness." I wanted to grab her hoof and crawl back into her. To relax with her. It really did feel like I was being manipulated by a spell, but I just couldn't bring myself to care.
"No matter what happens, you will always be my most faithful student, Twilight," she cupped my face with her hooves. "I'm so very sorry for making you feel so horrible," she closed her eyes as she pressed her forehead against mine.
I grabbed her forelegs, lowering them slowly to the bed, but not letting them go. I still didn't really understand everything she'd said, but I could feel it. I knew what she was telling me was th truth.
"Princess..." And it was exactly what I'd needed to hear all this time. I threw myself into her, desiring nothing more than for her to hold me. "Thank you."
"My... my most faithful?" she hadn't expected it, once again hesitating to embrace me.
"I don't really get all of it, but..." I nuzzled into her, the warmth rapturous. "My life is pretty amazing," I giggled. "I have a perfect mentor that I love more than anything. I get to live in Canterlot Castle. And I have..." she lifted her forelegs, gently hugging me back. "I have two friends who care about me. I really couldn't ask for anything more, and I have you to thank for that as well." The hug I was giving her was bordering on that of a bear's, but as my tears began to fall I squeezed even tighter. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I'm so sorry, Celestia! I just... I just..."
"Shhhh," she cooed as
she massaged my back with a hoof. "We've both made mistakes, Twilight. What is past has passed and we don't have to dwell on it. What is more important is that we move forward... together."
"I'd... like that," I grinned, scooting even closer. A yawn slipped out of my mouth. I don't know why, -- perhaps because being close to her was so comfy, or maybe because our bond was just so comforting -- but I was sleepy all of a sudden.
Before I knew it, I was lying down on the bed, a silk pillow underneath my head.
"How would you like to sleep in here tonight, my most faithful? I'm certain my sister wouldn't mind." She was now lying down as well, one of her massive wings covering me like a blanket.
"That sounds..." another yawn escaped me as my eyes drooped shut. "Wonderful, Princess."
She snuggled closer to me, laying a foreleg over my body as she gently kissed me atop my mane. "I've missed you so, my dearest..." She'd said something more, but I couldn't quite hear it, sleep taking priority in my mind.
As a peaceful slumber took me away to my mistress' realm, I whispered one last thing to the Princess of the Day. "I love you... Celestia."
"I love you too, my most faithful," she moved her head atop mine. "I love you too."