“And that’s how our gala dresses were made,” Rarity finished explaining, displaying her own. The two chaos creatures she was telling the story to looked about as entertained as Midnight, but she’d lived through it so it couldn’t be said they were bored for the same reason.
Rarity had volunteered to be the first bearer to work with Discord and Screwball, which had amazed Midnight at the time. Now she wondered if the unicorn had just wanted to talk their ears off.
The day after this would be lessons with Applejack, then Fluttershy the next, then Rainbow, then Pinkie, and finally Twilight. The day after that would be when Midnight judged their progress. In order to keep track of things Sapphire had given the kirin a clipboard with a notepad which Midnight had out and ready to use. In the boutique with them were a number of Bearer guards who’d ended up drawing the lots for spending the first day with Discord and Screwball. Everyone had to participate so it wasn’t a matter of if they had to deal with the assignment but when.
Today she had First Sergeant Night Sky, Corporal Spread Eagle, and Privates Dapper, Shale, Gusty Glow, Ghostly Fire, and Cranberry. The day after tomorrow would be the day she’d have Shoal with her and the kirin was looking forward to it. Even if she knew the draconequus could juggle the dragon, her large presence helped her feel more at ease, just like Honey with Squeaks. She’d only be able to be around when they saw Fluttershy due to her size and Fluttershy living near the Everfree Forest, so that day was already going to be interesting.
“So, what’s it like-?” Night started to ask.
“Headache inducing and making me regret life choices,” Midnight said, cutting her off. “Dinner was a production and getting to bed was like pulling teeth.”
“Wait, you had to put him to bed?” Gusty asked.
“Basically,” Midnight groaned. “We all went to bed at our normal times but those two decided they didn’t want to sleep and stayed up, loudly. I had to threaten them to finally get some sleep.” She yawned pointedly. “Then getting them up was just so much fun because they turned the spare guest room they’re in into some kind of infinite space for themselves. When I went in to wake them up I almost lost my balance and would have gone floating away. Then getting them over here was like herding cats.”
“Well, now that you know what to expect, then tomorrow should be easier,” Dapper said, trying to lighten his captain’s mood.
“While I appreciate the optimism, private, I’m going to err on the side of caution,” Midnight said. At least she had dinner to look forward to; Sapphire had promised to make her favorite dishes as something to look forward to each day while they were dealing with Discord and Screwball.
“Generosity towards ones friends means giving of yourself without expecting anything in return, darlings,” Rarity was saying, “so I think today’s lesson should be the two of you thinking of someone you’d like to be friends with and thinking of something you’d like to give them simply because you want to, no reason required. And it should be made by yourselves, not bought; it’ll be more special that way!”
“How much do you want to bet this goes sideways?” Spread Eagle whispered to Cranberry. Night Sky gave him a look and Cranberry wisely ignored the corporal.
“Something to give to a friend that we’ve made ourselves?” Discord repeated thoughtfully.
“Yes, darling, and make sure it’s from the heart!” Rarity encouraged.
“Can we give them our hearts?” Screwball asked, opening a door to her chest and pulling out said organ.
“Uh, well, let’s try to not be so literal,” Rarity hedged, scooting back. “You can even just give your time helping your friends, say with chores or shopping. I know I’ve very much appreciated inputs on my designs from my friends from time to time.”
“Oh, okay! Can I try that?” Screwball asked while Discord eyed Midnight. The kirin returned his look with an annoyed frown.
Rarity hesitated but finally nodded and brought over a design sheet with her magic. “I suppose that would be fine. You were around when the princesses were young, so I’d be interested to see some style designs from that time.”
“I have an idea!” Discord said. He made a black sheet appear and stuck his upper half under it. Different building noises came from underneath the sheet, as well as animal noises.
“Done!” Screwball said a few minutes later.
“Ooo, may I see?” Rarity asked and the chaos pony gave her the design back. “Oh, this is very nice! A few frills here, some lace there, maybe I can accent this with some gems here, here, and here. What colors do you think would be good with amethysts?”
The grin Screwball was suddenly sporting made everyone watching nervous. “How about… these!” She’d summoned a trunk and whipped something out of it and onto Rarity. The guards all made to run to the dressmaker’s side but stopped when they saw what had been done.
Rarity was now wearing a dress similar in design to what Screwball had given to Rarity, only the colors were neon orange, mint green, and mud brown. Rarity took one look at what she was wearing and shrieked.
“THESE COLORS DON’T MATCH! THEY DON’T MATCH! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!”
The guards all relaxed as the white unicorn ripped off the dress like it was going to poison her, Screwball laughing her head off the whole time.
‘Figures,’ Midnight thought dully, bringing her clipboard up, only to find a present sitting on it.
“My turn!” Discord announced and the kirin felt a sinking feeling in her gut. “I thought about it and I think that I came up with something not just for you but everyone back at the house, especially your pet spider!”
The sinking feeling got worse and she began to cringe away from the box. “What’s that?” she asked.
Discord reached over and took the lid off. “A second spider! I figured Arina was lonely being the only one and you get a second pet!” Inside was not a spider. It was the biggest, hairiest, dark brown tarantula Midnight had ever seen. “His name is Jeff, by the way.” “Jeff” began scuttling towards her.
Midnight came by the boutique later to fix the front door. And replace the curtains. And a couple of mannequins.
-----------------------------
“So, do you think today will go any better?” Hazelnut asked as Applejack got ready for her turn with the chaos creatures. Having just explained the events of the previous day, Midnight gave him a flat stare.
“I think that’s a “no”, lieutenant,” Spine said.
“At least there’s no way he can do that again when practicing Honesty, right?” Scarlet tried.
Midnight let out a small jet of fire as she opened her mouth. “I don’t put anything past those two,” she said.
“When y’all lie, folks learn not to believe ya,” AJ started, “an’ when folks don’t believe ya, they don’t trust ya, even when yer tryin’ ta be sincere. When yer honest, folks trust ya and like ya.” She motioned to two boxes with holes cut into them. “Trust takes time ta build but we only have a day and have ta start somewhere, so Ah’m gonna start by puttin’ stuff in here and telling ya what it is and then yur gonna stick your hooves, uh, and claws in here ta see if Ah’m telling the truth. Then we’ll do it a few more times with the others here,” she nodded at the guards, “then we’ll give you two a shot. All ya have ta do is be honest the whole time.”
“And we can put anything in the boxes?” Screwball asked.
AJ gave them both a look. “The point here is ta be honest, not freak folks out. Just put simple stuff in there an’ don’t go lyin’ about what it is.”
“Don’t lie about what’s in the box, understood my dear, honest apple farmer,” Discord said with a bow.
So they started, AJ putting things like apples and tools in the boxes while they weren’t looking and telling them after they turned back around, having them put their appendages in to check. Then she did the same with the guards, with the entire process going smoothly.
Then it was Discord’s and Screwball’s turn to put things in the boxes.
Discord snapped his claw and Screwball tapped her box, then turned to the others. “Midnight dear, would you be so nice as to lend me your hoof for this?” Discord asked with a grin.
“Not after what you pulled yesterday,” the kirin growled.
“What’d y’all put in there, Discord?” AJ asked pointedly.
“I honestly did not put a spider in the box,” he said.
“Tarantulas aren’t spiders,” Midnight pointed out.
Discord’s smile turned into a frown and he snapped his claw again. “I was being honest,” he grumbled.
“That’s called lyin’ by omission,” AJ said.
“Fine,” Discord said with a huff, “now there’s slugs inside the box; happy?”
“Not exactly,” Midnight said.
“I put jellyfish in mine,” Screwball said, also disappointed she couldn’t get one over on them.
AJ sighed. “Well, we gotta check if they’re tellin’ the truth.”
“Do we really need to?” Midnight asked, eying the box.
“They’ll get a lower score if they aren’t, right?” AJ pointed out.
Midnight grimaced and reached a hoof into the box.
-----------------------------
“It almost sounds like they want to be turned back to stone,” Shoal observed.
“I think they’re trying to see how many buttons they can push until I’m just ready to snap, then step back and start acting all innocent until they can start again,” Midnight grumbled.
Today, Fluttershy was going to attempt to have Discord and Screwball show kindness by… having a tea party in her front yard, apparently. She was originally going to have it inside her cottage but when she learned that Shoal was going to be joining them she’d begun moving everything outside.
It was rather funny that a shy pegasus that had refused to leave her house during the dragon migration and who had made going up Smokey Mountain more of a chore than it needed to be was now attempting to figure out how to serve tea to a dragon. She was okay with Spike because he was still a baby, by dragon standards, and she’d been okay with Spine because he’d been so nice from the start and still wasn’t grown, but Shoal was bigger than even that red dragon they’d tangled with back on the mountain and Midnight had expected to tell Shoal that she needed to either leave or sit way back in the forest and observe from afar. To her surprise, Fluttershy had been okay with letting the dragon stay. “Shoal isn’t mean like other dragons,” Fluttershy told her when Midnight pointed it out, “yes, she did just come to Ponyville one day and said she was in the guard without asking but other than that she hasn’t been pushy since and she doesn’t go roaring and stomping and breathing fire all over the place. I wish more dragons were like her.”
Shoal had chuckled at that, though the effect only made the butter-yellow pegasus start nervously sweating at the sight of her huge fangs. “You and me both, little one,” Shoal told her.
“So we’re just sitting outside drinking tea all day?” Screwball said as Fluttershy laid out the last of the snacks. “This will be easy.”
“Considering the past few days, giving you an easy one won’t count for much,” Midnight growled. She had Sergeant Brick Break, Corporal Rock Bottom, and Privates Ditch Digger, Speckled Snow, Amber Armor, and Port Stanchion milling around the property as she didn’t trust either Discord or Screwball to not mess with the animals in some way while they weren’t looking.
“Now, now, Midnight, that’s not very kind of you,” Discord said, wagging a disapproving finger at the kirin.
“No, it’s not,” Fluttershy agreed, “but you haven’t been very kind to Midnight and the others either from what I’ve heard.”
Discord snorted. “So just how is a tea party supposed to teach me about kindness?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking about it since the day we released you two and I’ve come to the conclusion that kindness is sort of the root of all friendship. I mean, being generous is considered being kind, as is being honest and loyal, and it’s kinder to laugh with ponies than at them. Magic is what happens when all of the others come together, but kindness is where it starts. I know they’ve been through two tests already and have to face several more, so I thought it would be kind to give them a break and just talk.”
“A rather deep sentiment,” Shoal said, impressed.
“And boring!” Screwball said, rolling her swirled eyes. “Can’t we, I don’t know, give a duck a second head or something? They could eat twice as much bread crumbs, so wouldn’t that be a kindness?”
“Actually, bread crumbs, crackers, and other bread foods aren’t very good for ducks and other water birds. Like carrots for bunnies, they should only be given as occasional treats,” Fluttershy informed her.
Screwball just blew a raspberry.
“To be honest, I want to hear about when Discord was friends with the princesses and the other creatures over a thousand years ago,” she continued, “I bet those we some fun times.”
Discord huffed. “It wasn’t that special. They were pretty much as stuffy back then as they are now.”
“”Pretty much” isn’t the same as “exactly”, so they’ve must have changed somewhat since then,” Fluttershy pressed gently. “Why don’t you start with why you became friends with them in the first place?”
Discord continued to look annoyed at the whole situation while he dunked his teacup into a cookie, took a bite out of the tea cup, then picked the tea out and used it like a napkin to wipe his mouth, then tossed it away, the tea becoming confetti when it hit the ground. When he was finished, a thoughtful look crossed his face.
“Luna did have a better sense of humor back then. There this one joke that never failed to get her going like a loon!”
As the draconequus began telling his story, Midnight felt something large bump into her side. Looking around she saw the side one of Shoal’s talons gently pushing into her. She looked up at the dragon who motioned with her head for the kirin to come up into the sky. After apologizing to the group for interrupting Discord’s story and saying Shoal needed her for something, she flew up to meet the dragon while Discord continued where he left off. “Is something wrong?” Midnight asked as she became level with the dragon’s head. Had she’d spotted something the others hadn’t?
“I just want to check if everything is going alright,” Shoal said, “when I heard what Discord and Screwball had done since they were let loose, I got a little worried.”
Midnight raised an eyebrow. “I appreciate the concern but, and I don’t know how to word it any better so sorry in advance, but why would you care? I mean, those two making my life miserable wouldn’t really affect you.”
To her amazement, Shoal actually looked embarrassed. “It’s… well… I already told you I know both your father and grandfather and I see a little of both of them in you, so I was… I guess I was trying to make up for something, as it were.”
“Oh,” Midnight said sheepishly, not sure how else to respond. She never expected that Shoal had joined the Bearer Guard because of some sort of guilt or debt, not with how aloof she normally seemed. “Well, if we ever run into them I’m sure they’ll be glad you’ve been helping me.”
Shoal smiled warmly and leaned closer to Midnight but then seemed to realize what she was doing and pulled back. “Thank you, and I was serious about letting me know if those two are pushing you too much. I may not have magic but I think I’ll still be able to get my point across.” She lifted up a claw and flexed it.
“No problem,” Midnight told her, then looked back down at the table where the three she had left were still talking. Well, Discord and Fluttershy looked animated. Screwball looked bored. “I better get back down there.” They both nodded and descended back to the ground.
Discord was laughing and Fluttershy was giggling as they came back down. “A-And then we moved on to the piñata, and Luna drew for the first swing, right? So, Celestia had already swiped some cake off her plate, saying that since it was her birthday she deserved another slice, so just as Luna was about to take her first whack at it she used her magic to switch the bat she was using to a morning star and just destroyed it, candy and favors flying everywhere! Celestia screaming at the top of her lungs that Luna ruined the party, Firestorm trying to chide Luna for cheating while trying not to laugh himself, and Vine just sitting there and eating the candy like everything was fine.” He wiped a tear away and looked over at Midnight. She was surprised for a second time at the look on someone’s face that day; Discord looked genuinely happy at the memory. Happy and little sad. “She had that same stoic look you always seem to have but she had a smile behind it. It would take a little more effort than usual to get her to actually laugh but I’d get her to do it eventually.”
“See? Those were fun times,” Fluttershy said. “I can’t help but think you’d want to have more of them, though getting the princesses to join in again might be a little difficult.”
Discord took a sip of his cookie. “Those two have gotten too serious for my tastes anyway.”
“Well, you’ll only find new friends to have good times again with if you’re allowed to stay out of stone, so that’s something to keep in mind. You never know who you might meet if you can wander around on your own again. I know I’d like to hear more stories from you.” The pegasus smiled up at him, then gave Midnight a pointed looked.
The kirin sighed and took a sip of her own drink. “If he can not do what he’s done the past two days, I would be more inclined to agree. I would also appreciate it if dinner could be had without incident.”
“Ponies are such killjoys,” Screwball grumbled.
Discord finished his cookie without looking at any of them.
-----------------------------
“And you’re sure he didn’t do anything?” Rainbow asked for the umpteenth time.
“Yes, Rainbow, like I’ve said from the start, nothing happened to Fluttershy or her animals,” Midnight said, trying to sooth the Wonderbolt hopeful. “Yesterday went smoother than any of us would have expected it to. I’d even say that we follow Fluttershy’s example and give him a chance.” They all looked towards the two chaos creatures waiting nearby doing various small chaotic things with their magic. “Though they’re still on thin ice.”
They were all at the entrance to Ghastly Gorge, where Rainbow had set up her test. It looked like an obstacle course of some kind and Midnight was surprised the pegasus had gotten it all together. She also wasn’t sure if she should be impressed by how it looked or concerned. A carpenter Rainbow was not. Midnight had only allowed the course to be set up where it was because she and Shoal had already scared away all the quarray eels that had called the area home; they’d all left when Shoal had made a particularly big specimen dinner and shared it with her. While Shoal seemed to relish the meal, Midnight could take it or leave it.
Speaking of Shoal, she was with them again as it turned out Rainbow’s test wasn’t in town. She was currently sitting at the midway point of the course, perched at the edge of the canyon wall looking down at them.
“Right, well, let’s get this over with,” Rainbow grumbled, flying over to the two. “Okay, listen up! Loyalty means a lot of things, including not leaving anypony behind when things get tough. So today, you two are gonna run this obstacle course.”
“Is that all? This should be a cake walk!” Discord said, snapping his claws and turning the stone leading up to the course into cake.
“There are still rules you have to follow!” Rainbow said, “First of which is no chaos magic! Knowing you two, you’d just turn everything to food and eat your way through or something.”
Discord groaned and snapped his claw again, turning the stone back to normal. “Always with the rules! Chaos doesn’t have such confines, you know. And I feel that I have to remind you all that I’m a being of chaos! Maybe you should try a few days of not flying and see how you like it.”
“The rest of us aren’t chaos creatures, so could you just bare with us?” Midnight asked with a sigh. “It’s also only for maybe an hour at most, and I’ve seen several creatures bare with such restrictions before.” She flapped her wings pointedly.
“We can also fly naturally,” Discord pointed out, flapping his own wings back at her. Midnight shooed them out of her face and they went back to the draconequus to reattach.
“I’ve set up some traps for you if you decide to just fly over everything, so that’s not gonna work,” Dash said with a bit of pride in her voice.
“She and Pinkie are good with pranks,” Midnight warned.
“Fine, no chaos magic, what else?” Screwball asked.
“The second rule is that you need to take a partner with you through the course and you don’t win unless both of you pass the finish line. You can pick from anyone here,” Dash told them.
“Anyone, huh?” Discord asked, looking down at a flustered Midnight.
“Dash…” the kirin said dangerously.
“Hey, I can’t just have them grabbing Joe-Pony from anywhere!” Rainbow argued, “and since you all are guards this shouldn’t be a problem for you.”
“I assume the “anyone here” includes yourself?” Midnight asked with a snort.
“Fair’s fair,” Rainbow said with a shrug. “As long as they stick to the rules I can’t complain.”
Midnight rolled her eyes and let out a long breath, then stuck her hoof towards Discord. “I assume-”
“You bet I do!” He said, grabbing her hoof and shaking it. “You know me so well already, best pal!”
She gave Rainbow a half-hearted death glare.
“Then I choose…” Screwball said, eyeing the other guards standing nearby, all of which looked nervous. “Windy!”
Windrunner disappeared in a puff of green smoke that made a rude noise then reappeared in a pink puff of smoke that made a toy horn sound.
“I’m so excited,” the pegasus said dully.
“It’s just to the other side,” Midnight said, trying to reassure her, thought with her fangs poking out it was probably also to try and reassure herself. “We’ve made it through dinner for the past few nights, so we can get through this.”
So they began. The course itself wasn’t too bad, the worst being them having to climb up some ropes to reach platforms at certain points but nothing they weren’t already doing in daily training at the old castle.
What made it all difficult was Discord and Screwball, who were acting like not having chaos magic made them crippled and weak. “Midnight, my friend, can you please help me up this rope?” Discord asked at one section, hanging limply from the climbing rope. “It’s just so hard without my magic!”
Midnight wanted to turn around and buck him up the rest of the way but helped him like she would anyone else. She was rewarded with his tail smacking her head several times before he finally scrabbled up onto the platform the rope led up to. ‘Fluttershy, you have a kind heart and I think your method is good but at this rate I’m going to go back to wanting to rip a chunk out of him before the day is done!’
They were a few more obstacles down the course when something pink shot by over their heads. “To heck with this, I’m done!” Screwball yelled as she flew by.
Windrunner was chasing after her but staying low. “You’re forgetting the pranks and you’re leaving me behind!” she called out after the chaos mare.
“Like some stupid pranks are going to stop me!” she called back, “and as for leaving you behind, I don’t-!” She was cut off when several pie-shaped objects shot out from empty quarray eel holes, hitting and covering her in white goop.
“That stuff is meant to gum up your wings!” Dash called out from above where she’d been watching them go. “I’ve got the remover at the finish line, but only if you do the course like you’re supposed to!”
Screwball pulled a hoofful of the gunk off herself and threw the wad up at Rainbow, who dodged it easily. The chaos mare sunk back to the ground, swearing under her breath as Midnight and Discord passed her and Windrunner caught up.
“You’re not going to suggest that I try flying as well, are you?” Midnight asked as they reached the next part of the course.
“If I did so while we were still in the course, you’d fail me, wouldn’t you?” Discord asked as he began climbing over a log.
Surprised how straight forward he was being, Midnight could only shrug and keep pushing forward. When they finally reached the end, beating Windrunner and a still cursing, muck-covered Screwball, Midnight raised hoof. “You actually did a good job, even with that wet noodle routine you were pulling.”
Discord actually looked surprised she was giving him a compliment that was genuine, even with him deliberately making it harder for her.
“Well, I am a good friend after all,” he said taking the hoof and shaking it.
Midnight let a corner of her mouth quirk up in an almost-smile, then turned to talk to Rainbow. Before she could say anything, however, a whole lot of something familiar splashed down on her and she stood there frozen for a few seconds. Finally turning to look behind her, she saw Discord, now dressed in a black and blue sports jersey with a big, silver number thirteen on it with a matching sports baseball cap holding an upside-down drink cooler with its top missing. White goop was dripping from the cooler.
“Team Midnight for the win!” He crowed, throwing the cooler away and doing a victory dance.
Midnight just turned away and made her way over to Dash, who was already getting all of the anti-goop stuff ready.
In his dancing, Discord apparently missed the large shadow descending on him. Everyone jumped when Shoal landed, Discord going flat under one of her feet. “That wasn’t necessary,” She growled down at her foot.
A lion paw popped out waving a white flag and a muffled “Duly noted,” could be heard.
-----------------------------
“Have you had a chance to talk with the changelings one on one yet?” Midnight asked as they made their way to one of the town’s parks. While Mr. and Mrs. Cake were easy going ponies, they didn’t like the idea of two chaos creatures doing who knew what in the place where they made their living, not to mention anywhere near the twins, so they’d asked Pinkie to have her test someplace else. Midnight couldn’t blame them, even if Discord seemed to actually be doing better. Screwball, on the other hoof, was acting nastier each day, so keeping her outdoors was probably for the best.
“Yes, captain,” Private Umbra said. At Midnight’s insistence she was walking with the kirin while the other guards had formed a loose parameter around Discord and Screwball, who were having a heated discussion of their own over… something. Midnight had chosen not to try and listen in. In her mind, if those two were focused on each other than it meant they wouldn’t do anything chaotic to those they were passing by. Hopefully.
“And?” Midnight pressed. Umbra hadn’t been able to join the changelings at Sugarcube Corner due to the princesses’ arrival and the guard needing to be present for Discord’s release and making a plan on how to handle the situation. Once that had been taken care of, however, Midnight had taken the private to the side and told her that she wanted Umbra to make time to speak with them and resolve her issue. “I need every one of you in top mental state for the coming week, so I want you to talk with the changeling you met and see for yourself that everything is alright. To be honest it’ll be one less thing I have to worry about myself,” the kirin had told her.
“I know what Queen Honeycomb said, but she wasn’t there, so I thought Antenna would still hate me for what happened,” Umbra explained back in the present.
“Even though she smiled at you when you left Honeycomb’s office?” Midnight pressed.
“I thought she was being nice because the queen was there.”
“Well, how did it go when you two finally met up!?” Midnight asked, exasperated.
Umbra flattened her ears at the tone in the kirin’s voice. “We finally met up in another of the parks, someplace relatively private but still public. When we did, I just couldn’t keep it in and just explained everything. I told her how sorry I was that I hurt her and her friends, that I couldn’t save them from the blast Shining Armor and Princess Cadance made, and that I was forced to just stand by while the guards hauled them away. I told her that I was sorry I failed them so badly and that I was trying to do better as a guard.”
Midnight could see the wetness in the unicorn’s eyes and when she spoke, her tone was much gentler. “And what happened after you told her all that?”
Umbra half grinned. “She hugged me! She hugged me and told me that I had nothing to be sorry about, that had her and the other changelings gotten the upper hoof they wouldn’t have extended the same courtesy, and that those with her who survived and hadn’t been blown out of Canterlot sided with Queen Honeycomb partly because I tried to help them.”
“So pretty much what Honeycomb told you,” Midnight said, “but I guess you needed to hear it from Antenna for it to really sink in.”
Umbra nodded. “She’s invited me to join her for another outing after the whole thing with Discord is over. It feels good, knowing they really don’t hate me like I thought they did.”
Midnight nodded. “One less thing for me to worry about, and just in time.”
Pinkie had come into view, waving her front hooves like a madmare as if they couldn’t see her. “Over here! OVER HEEEEEEERE!” she yelled.
“Yes, Pinkie, we can see you clear as crystal!” Midnight shouted back.
There was a snap and Pinkie turned into clear crystal. “Ooo! See-through-y!” Pinkie said, looking down at herself. A second later her Element shined and she turned back to normal. “Aw! Well, it was fun while it lasted!”
Midnight turned to glower at the draconequus and found him looking between his claw and Pinkie. “Huh, well that’s disappointing,” he muttered. Midnight only shook her head and turned back to the party pony.
“So, Pinkie, what are we doing today?”
The pink pony smiled wide. “Today we’re making ponies SMILE!” she shouted, confetti and toy horn sounds going off as she said the last word.
“Are we sure she isn’t a chaos pony?” Sergeant Blackberry asked quietly.
“And how, exactly, are they going to accomplish that?” Midnight asked, giving her sergeant a look.
“There are all kinds of ways to make ponies smile, with the best way being laughter!” Pinkie explained with a giggle.
“Can we just make each other laugh? We’re good at that.” Screwball said.
To their surprise, Pinkie adopted a serious look. “Laughter is only best when everyone is joining in. Laughing at somepony isn’t funny, it’s being a bully! So, you’ll only get passing grades if you make everyone involved laugh, not just each other. Fluttershy told me that you genuinely laughed when you talked about making others laugh, so just think back to how making others laugh made you feel good and go for that!”
“I see a certain yellow pegasus has a blabber mouth,” Screwball said, annoyed. Then she grew a mean grin, “but we all know what snitches get!”
“Screwball, of course she’d tell her friends how it went.” They were all surprised to hear the rebuke come from Discord of all creatures. “I mean, ponies are all buddy-buddy like that, which you should remember. I bet they all talked about each of their ‘tests” went,” he said as a dismissive follow up. He snapped his claws and the two of them were in pajamas on beds, chins resting on their front legs while their back legs stuck up in the air with slippers on them. “I’ll bet they did so while having a slumber party between talking about makeup and dresses and boys… maybe girls, too.”
Midnight couldn’t help but notice something was off with his tone when he first rebutted Screwball, however.
Pinkie was already giggling. “It was kinda like that, only without pajamas and beds and at a café. And see? That’s a good start! Now maybe you could do something that would make both you and Midnight laugh!”
Midnight groaned. Just once she’d like to be left out of whatever test the bearers had cooked up. “Can he try it on someone else?” she asked.
“From what I’ve heard it sounds like you need a laugh most of all, Middy!” Pinkie said.
“Don’t call me “Middy”,” the kirin growled, “and don’t you even THINK about it!” she yelled when she saw the grins on Discord’s and Screwball’s faces. “Say it even once and you automatically get stoned!”
“Don’t threaten us wid a good time, man,” Discord said with an accent, now wearing a beanie and sporting a thick mustache.
“You gotta stay mellow, man. Don’t freak out, man,” Screwball said slowly, now sporting a beard and mustache, glasses, and a bandana. Both were also wearing shirts with the number 420 on them.
Midnight looked back at Pinkie, fangs grown out, and waved at hoof at the two chaos creatures.
“Oookay, maybe we should leave Midnight out of this one,” Pinkie said diplomatically. “How about we just start things off with a joke? As long as it isn’t a mean one.”
Discord flashed back to normal, thought for a second, then grinned. Another snap and he was now dressed in a three-piece suit with a fez hat between his horns. Another snap and he had a microphone in his eagle claw. With a voice that was somehow both gravelly and a bit high pitched he said, “my ex still misses me, but her aim is getting better!”
Nobody laughed.
“Her aim is getting better!”
“No stealing jokes!” Pinkie yelled, “or at least use good ones!”
“I got it!” Umbra said. “I think?”
Midnight just groaned.
-----------------------------
The blink was a long and slow one. “Twilight,” Midnight said in an even tone, “I expected something more… original from you. Why are we just repeating what we’ve been through for the past five days?”
The kirin was referring to the set up the unicorn librarian had put together both inside the library and right outside. It looked like she’d taken a little something from every other bearer’s test and slapped it together.
“Well, I had hoped to find a reform spell to help if Discord and Screwball were still unruly after all the other tests…” she started, looking unhappily at her bookshelves.
“Wait, wait, wait, there are reform spells?” Midnight asked, “As in spells that change a person on a fundamental level? Shouldn’t those kinds of things be locked away someplace only the most responsible folks can get to?”
“Oh, they are!” Twilight said with a nod. “They’re locked away in the Canterlot Library Restricted Section and I think only the princesses have access to them. I just wanted a hint of how they are done so I can try and nudge them in the right direction is all.”
Midnight leaned forward, her eyes disturbingly wide and focused on the purple unicorn. “Smarty. Pants.” She said, poking Twilight in the chest.
“Oh, come on, Midnight! It could possibly get that-!”
“SMAR. TEE. PANTS.” The kirin repeated, poking her with every syllable.
“It wouldn’t get that bad!” the unicorn grumbled.
“What’s “Smarty Pants”?” Wild Mane asked, picking up on the reaction his captain was having.
“Yes, what exactly is that?” Discord said, leaning in with Screwball leaning over his head. “It sounds like a chaotic good time!”
“Nothing either of you need to know about,” Midnight said, pointing up at the chaos creatures, “and something I need to brief the rest of you on in case we have a repeat,” she told Mane.
“I won’t-!” Twilight started.
“Can we focus on what we’re doing today?” Midnight asked, interrupting her again, “and be told why this looks like a make-up exam?”
“Am I going to be allowed to explain!?” Twilight asked exasperatedly. When all Midnight did was blink again and look at her expectantly, the unicorn finally did so with a huff. “All I know about the Element of Magic is that it appears when all the other Elements are present and is the spark of friendship. As the two of you,” she pointed at Discord and Screwball, “have been practicing with the others all week, I felt that combining them together might do something of the same. Furthermore, they aren’t exactly the same or even in the same order.”
She pointed towards a small table with four chairs around it. “We start off with Kindness, where they have to get to know someone for fifteen minutes. I think Fluttershy is right that kindness is a good starting point for friendship. Oh, and you’ll pick someone that isn’t Midnight; you’ve been including her all week and using her would be cheating in a way, so you’re going to have to learn about someone new.”
Discord and Screwball grumbled. “With her attitude she shouldn’t be considered training wheels,” Discord said, “more like a mountain bike on an obstacle course. And since she’s our parole officer, wouldn’t it be best to actually get to know her better?”
“You’ve been living with me ever since you got out,” Midnight growled, “so you’ve had plenty of time already. And even if you did spend that time genuinely interested in me, then this would again be too easy for you. Either way, I’m not a part of things this time. Thanks for that, by the way,” Midnight told Twilight.
“From there you move on to making someone laugh,” Twilight continued, “and then do the truth game you did with Applejack. From there you’ll just design a dress for someone and only a dress design, no gifts! Finally, go through the obstacle course outside with someone. This is all based on how you do, not how fast you can do it. You’ll get a better score if you take your time and do everything correctly.”
“Spoken like a true teacher’s pet!” Screwball said.
Discord chuckled and snapped a claw. With a flash, Twilight was wearing a fake dog muzzle and ears and a cardboard cutout of a crudely drawn Celestia was standing next to her. “My Twilight does so good!” Discord said in a horrible attempt to imitate the alicorn. “Does Twilight want pets? Yes she does!” He proceeded to tap the cutout, hard, on Twilight’s head.
“Can we PLEASE get this started!?” Midnight demanded, giving the draconequus a death glare.
“Fine, fine, just having a little fun is all, no need for such a hostile attitude,” Discord said, snapping away the cutout and fake dog parts. He grabbed Wild Mane and proceeded to join Screwball at the table, where Private Sundial had already been seated.
Midnight dragged a hoof down her face.
The first fifteen minutes of the test passed smoothly enough, the four at the table attempting small talk of any kind to keep the flow of conversation going. When the talking was done Discord and Screwball attempted to make their conversation partners laugh, which was done relatively smoothly, despite Mane’s attempt to keep a straight face.
They’d both passed Pinkie’s test the day before rather easily once they seemed to work the snide out of their systems. Well, Discord did, at any rate. Screwball seemed to have snide for days and in the end had just barely made them all laugh while Discord was doing it like a pro. Midnight even thought he’d turned over a new leaf at that point for a minute. That changed when he’d been back to his old self at dinner but this time she could see a real change in his actions, like he was being a pain almost because he was expected to be, rather than from true malice. Laughter and Kindness seemed to be getting through to him the most and maybe he was starting to change, or at least be reminded of how things used to be, like Fluttershy had said.
It was at the Honesty part that things started to go downhill in Midnight’s opinion. While Private Clover was reaching her hoof into the box to feel what was supposed to be a rubber chicken, Discord looked over at the observing kirin and unicorn and gave them a smile Midnight didn’t like.
“It’s kinda funny, don’t you think? Wanting me to be truthful when dear old Celestia hasn’t been, though it’s more like a lie of omission but our apple framer friend says that’s just as bad,” he said as Clover pulled her hoof out and confirmed he’d told the truth.
“What are you getting at now?” Midnight asked as she rolled her eyes.
“Well, I remember you telling me while Screwball and I were still in stone that Celestia and Luna confirmed that all the kirins from when I had yet to be a pigeon roost were dead and that it was the General of Equestria’s army Steel Spark that was responsible.”
“I remember telling you that right before slapping a fresh squirrel hide onto your face,” Midnight confirmed. She ignored Twilight’s stare of disgust and horror. “What? Angry that Celestia actually told me something before you could drop it on me?”
“Well, I’d be lying if I said I wish I’d been the one to tell you,” he said with a wave of his claw, which snapped and something else appeared in the box. “But I can at least tell you she didn’t tell you something about his legacy, something I’d want to know if I was charged with protecting certain someponies.”
Midnight and Twilight shared a confused look. “What’s in the box, Discord?” Midnight asked, annoyed.
“What’s in the box!?” Screwball yelled, startling Dandelion just as he was confirming that his object was a lemon custard pie.
“Just something in black and white I think you should know,” he said, knocking on the box before moving over to start designing a dress. “It’s a scroll, by the way.”
“As per Twilight’s rules, I’m not getting involved,” Midnight said with a dismissive snort.
“Think of it as extra credit!” he called back.
“Ooo!” Twilight said, her eyes widening with excitement.
“Seriously!?” Midnight snapped at the unicorn, but shook her head and went over to the box anyway. “I swear if there’s something in here that’s hairy with too many legs…” But Discord was indeed telling the truth and she pulled a thick scroll out. It began unrolling as soon as it was free and finally stopped a few steps away from Twilight. Turning the scroll around she read what was at the top of the page. “Steel Spark Family Tree,” she said as Twilight joined her.
Below the title was what looked like a standard family tree, with lines under two different names converging to point at one or more names that continued down the scroll. Steel Spark was at the top, connected to somepony who Midnight assumed was his wife with a single name below and between them that had to be their child. Going down the tree, both Midnight and Twilight noticed that one line was colored purple and was leading from Steel Spark himself down the ages. They focused on this line, not sure what the draconequus was getting at until Twilight spoke up. “Hey, this is my great-grandfather!” she said, pointing to a name once they were near the end of the scroll. As soon as she said it, Midnight knew exactly where this was going and a few more names down the line confirmed it.
Twilight was related to Steel Spark through her mother’s side.
“I’m just saying,” Discord said from above them, making them jump, “It seems like a sick joke to make Storm Vine’s grand-niece look after the oh-so-great granddaughter of her murderer.”
Looking back towards the dress designing station, Midnight saw a pinned up dress design with a stamp of approval by Private Duster, who was standing by it and now looking nervous.
“And it makes me curious,” the draconequus went on, “if you would have still agreed to the position if you’d known all this before.”
Midnight looked back at the scroll, looked over at Twilight who was giving her a nervous look as well, then back up at Discord. “This was your grand plan? Using a family tree to get me to distrust Celestia and Twilight? Then what, I’m just supposed to join you because you added a few details to stuff I already know?”
“Stuff you had to figure out on your own by reading between the lines of Celestia’s “point of view”, as it were. At least I would have been a straight shooter from the start,” he told her as he approached the obstacle course. He pulled a bow and a bent arrow out of thin air and shot at the course. The bent arrow spin like a Frisbee until it hit a target behind him. “Put a sword right through her chest himself, as I understand it.”
“Midnight, I’m so sorry, I didn’t-!” Twilight started, but Midnight plugged her mouth with a hoof.
“Do you hate non-ponies?” Midnight asked.
“Of course not!” Twilight said once Midnight removed her hoof.
“Do you plan on betraying me and the two other known kirin?”
“Again, no!”
“Then this is all just him stirring a pot. You’re not Steel Spark, I’m not Storm Vine, and this isn’t fifteen hundred years ago,” Midnight said as she rolled up the scroll. “Just have Spike send this to the princesses; fifty bits he swiped this from some archive.”
“So, you’re not mad? You don’t feel like Princess Celestia was keeping things from you?” Twilight asked as she levitated the scroll to a nearby table.
“I’ve gotten an impression of Celestia and how she feels about what happened back then,” Midnight said. “I also feel that she’s been tip-toeing around it to the point that the only thing I’m annoyed by is her not just saying it and letting me decide how I feel about it myself and getting on with my life. I can understand why she’d like to keep this particular detail hush-hush but we’ve known each other long enough that this doesn’t change anything.”
Twilight looked over at the draconequus as he fell off a platform. “It’s like he’s trying to make you angry,” she said, unknowingly echoing Shoal.
“Yep, and I think I’ve figured out why,” Midnight said, a fang poking out.