Masterduke jabbed Starburst, who stirred. He waited. Starburst shifted his head and slept. Masterduke licked his teeth. He jabbed him again. Starburst grunted and turned. He blinked. He rubbed his eyes. He blinked. ‘Flanks, professor, what are you doing? What time is it?’
‘Shh!’ hissed Masterduke, looking over his shoulder. ‘We need to talk,’ he whispered. ‘Has she questioned you yet?’
‘Has who – what?’
‘That pony. Major Honey, the former lieutenant. Did you know her?’
‘Barely,’ said Starburst. ‘You’re talking like she’s here.’
‘Yes, yes! She arrived last night. She spoke to me. She’s here to –’ He grimaced and checked. He lowered his voice. ‘She’s here to ask questions about Solitaire,’ he breathed.
Starburst shrugged. ‘What did you expect? You reap what you sow. You seemed quite happy for every pony in the regiment to bang on about “Solitaire”,’ he snorted, ‘and now that you’re feeling some heat, your hooves have gone cold? I said I’d keep your secret. I have. Let’s leave it at that. It’s your problem, professor – it is your problem – so, like I said, have fun dealing with it.’ He turned away his head and closed his eyes. Masterduke’s eye twitched.
‘You stubborn little fool,’ he hissed. ‘You have no idea how much more I could be doing with myself, how easily I can destroy you or Honey or anyone else. With merely a thought, I can –’
‘I – don’t – care,’ said Starburst, turning and glaring. ‘Flanks, you really are a piece of work. Is this how it’s always been, then? Behind the eyes? While I was sitting in the hall, listening to your boring crap, you were hating everyone and cursing everything.’
‘Insolent boy,’ said Masterduke. ‘You are a fool!’
‘I’m not even going to deny it. Maybe I am. Flanks, I must be. I’m sitting here. You know how easily I could wreck things for you. Where’s my pride?’ They glared at each other.
‘Blackmail?’ said Masterduke. He licked his teeth. ‘So be it.’
‘Blackmail,’ snorted Starburst, shaking his head. ‘Not everyone sees the world like you.’
‘Deny it!’
‘I am denying it. I don’t care two bits. I don’t care.’
‘Watch, then, as your lack of care destroys my work!’ hissed Masterduke. ‘The greatest spell I’ve ever made, and I can’t even step out of my tent to cast it! Oh, you had better pray, Starburst, you and everyone else! Pray that my next whim doesn’t backfire on you and your lack of care.’
Starburst shrugged. ‘Then I’m telling,’ he said.
‘Wretch!’
Starburst shrugged again. ‘Why shouldn’t I? You’re just waffling, and it all boils down to “love me or fear me”. How am I the one telling you this? Flanks! You’re so bloody juvenile!’
‘You gave me your word.’
‘Shut up. You told me it’s all the same to you. You said you don’t care. You wouldn’t care about what you ever promised.’
‘Don’t you?’
‘Within reason. Yeah, I don’t particularly like the idea of going back on my word. But if it’s to stop a tantrum that’s going to crap on everyone else –’
‘Tantrum? That’s what you think this is?’
‘What else is it?’
‘Whims!’ spat Masterduke. ‘Whims and that’s all! And yours will not hamper mine!’
‘Then you know where we stand. I’m fine to keep quiet if you’re using your precious “Solitaire” to bring some good into this world. That’s it, and that was your part of the bargain. So go ahead; do what you like. Just don’t complain when I do the same.’
Masterduke stared, licking his teeth. Starburst stared, working his mouth. ‘Fine,’ said Masterduke. ‘To continue with this, with Solitaire – and your idea of good – I need your help.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Will you give it to me?’
‘Depends.’
‘Huh. Of course.’
‘Of course,’ repeated Starburst.
‘Do you want to hear what I have to say?’
‘Not particularly.’
Masterduke closed his eyes, twitching, and swallowed. ‘Will you listen to what I have to say?’ he said.
‘Sure,’ said Starburst.
‘Honey is here to find Solitaire, and if our little encounter was anything to go by, she’ll be breathing down my neck from now on.’ Starburst waited. Masterduke continued. ‘At least she will be until she finds something better. With that in mind, let’s give her a show and get her off my case. Somehow, we need Solitaire to appear – a Solitaire. And she needs to see that I have nothing to do with him.’
‘I’m not playing Solitaire, if that’s what you’re getting at,’ said Starburst.
‘You said you’d help me!’ snapped Masterduke. ‘You said you’d cast the spell!’
‘I said I wouldn’t tell, and that’s all I said.’
‘Then that’s it! Over! There goes my life’s greatest achievement! Do you think I can afford ever to use this spell again if the military is going to chase me, the spellmaker who vanishes just as Solitaire emerges?’
‘And whose fault is that? Maybe that’s a lesson learned, professor. Your tosh’ll take you out.’
‘A lesson,’ snorted Masterduke. ‘Yes, perhaps there is a lesson. Perhaps I should vanish and take up the role myself, hunted or not. And how simple everything would become. An amusing thought – Solitaire.’ His smile slipped when he saw Starburst’s scowl.
‘You’ve never done a thing in your life that wasn’t for you,’ said Starburst. He rolled over so that he faced the wall. Masterduke glared at him.
The wagon slowed to a halt, and the Earth who had pulled it detached his collar. Soldiers dropped from the back and into the light of the mouth of the cave, their shadows dancing on the rock. A sapphire-coated stallion muttered to the officer on watch, saluted and waved at his squad, who dispersed. The Earth traipsed toward a nearby tent, stretching his neck. A group of Unicorns ripped into food packs and chewed. One dribbled water over a cut, wincing. The stallion clapped her on the flank, and she doused her mane. ‘Oi!’ She kicked out, and the stallion dodged and laughed. His eyes came up. He stiffened. Honey watched him. His grin had vanished. He stared. Honey beckoned him. He hesitated. She waited. He came over, his face taut. They watched each other quietly.
‘Well, well,’ muttered Smoothtooth. ‘Speak and she shall appear.’
‘What’s that?’
‘We were talking about you,’ said Smoothtooth. ‘Just the other day. Sweet and me. You remember him?’
‘Of course.’
‘I told him you were the worst pony I’d ever served under. He said more or less the same.’ Honey’s eyes flashed. Smoothtooth’s did not waver from hers. They glared at each other. ‘That’s changed,’ he said, pointing at her uniform. ‘What is it now? Captain? Major?’
‘Major,’ said Honey.
‘Major. Isn’t that nice. Are you expecting a salute?’
‘I expect you to salute.’
Smoothtooth nodded. ‘Of course you do. Get it somewhere else. You don’t run my show anym—’
‘You weren’t the worst I had,’ said Honey.
‘Hah!’
‘But you were bad enough. When I said “duty”, you heard “chore”. When I said “order”, you heard “demand”. What I call “service”, you call “show”.’
‘And what? You’re here to get me back? Going to report me?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m off-duty, you little –’
‘I know you don’t care, have never cared, and you are right: I will report you for it. Until you salute me, I will report you. Until you address me as “Major” or “ma’am”, until you respect the chain of command – I will report you.’
Smoothtooth glared. ‘Might as well go all the way, then, right?’ he said. ‘You do know that, when it all ends, you’re finished? See them?’ He jabbed at the wagon his squad had vacated. ‘Know why they listen to me? Don’t answer me, because you don’t. If you can name even one pony who’d speak to you, or listen to you, or sit next to you in peacetime, do it.’ Honey’s eyes flashed. She said nothing. Smoothtooth grunted. They stared at each other.
‘When it’s over,’ said Honey, ‘I want to paint. Until it’s over, I have questions for you.’
‘What questions?’
‘Do you remember the night on which Major Masterduke arrived?’
‘Yeah. Hard to forget.’
‘Why?’
‘Very nearly got shot up to shit. That’s why.’
‘What happened?’ asked Honey.
‘What do you mean “what happened”? Bloody thralls, weren’t they?’
‘But what happened? Describe it.’
‘Huh. Quick and painful. And costly. Lost a few horns, but I can’t say I cared too much. Lots of new faces, and Captain Meadow was in charge. His fault, and I didn’t know most of them.’
‘You are cruel.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘You are. You don’t care.’
‘Oh, you do?’
Honey’s face was like stone. ‘Of course,’ she said. ‘Describe the skirmish.’
‘Like I said, it was Captain Meadow’s bag. He had us put on a show for the new face. Mortar splash, as big as we could do it.’
‘The new face – Masterduke?’ said Honey.
‘Yeah. And it was all well and good until he realised we’d stumbled into what amounted to a platoon of thralls.’
‘Go on.’
‘Fired beams and all the rest of it. I remember thinking, “Shit, this would be a shitty way to go.” Then we legged it. Best decision Meadow made on the night.’
‘This isn’t helpful enough.’
‘Hah!’ Smoothtooth snorted with laughter. ‘Damn it, but I never said you didn’t have a sense of humour!’
‘When you thought you would die – why did you think that?’
‘Outnumbered,’ said Smoothtooth. ‘Outnumbered bad.’
‘Why would that matter? You outran them.’
‘Ah, yeah, I see your point,’ said Smoothtooth. ‘No, I’ll tell you what it was. We would have been picked off quick if it hadn’t been for one of the ranks bottling their fire. That gave us enough time to make distance.’
Honey’s eyes flashed. ‘What happened?’
‘Haven’t the foggiest. Although Masterduke was there. He’ll tell you.’
Honey watched Smoothtooth, her eyes focused and very still. ‘What did Masterduke do during the fighting?’ she asked.
‘Helped us. Joined in.’
‘Doing what?’
‘Fired beams too. And yeah, like I said, he went down to stop them on the cliff.’
‘You didn’t tell me that.’
‘But that’s what I meant when I said he’d have seen. Heck, he did see! He told me who it was!’
‘Who?’ breathed Honey.
‘This flaming Solitaire, that’s who! You don’t need to ask me about him.’
‘Solitaire,’ she repeated. ‘I do.’
‘Don’t know a thing,’ said Smoothtooth. ‘Masterduke’s the pony to talk to. Or Ivy.’
‘Who’s Ivy?’
‘Private Ivy. She’s in the platoon.’
‘What do you know about Solitaire?’
‘Nothing.’
‘You don’t know anything?’
‘Nothing!’
‘Not even a whisper of a rumour? You must know something. You said “this flaming Solitaire”.’
Smoothtooth rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah, because Ivy and the rest of them won’t shut up about him. Me, I said it was a load of phooey from the start.’
‘The start.’
‘Yeah.’
‘What start? What’s the start? Who started it?’
‘Masterduke did. Well, he told us.’
‘What?’
‘That he thought he’d seen Solitaire.’
‘Who’s “us”?’
‘Me and Sweet,’ said Smoothtooth. ‘And Ivy. And Starburst. And Meadow too, probably. No, wait. No. Meadow wasn’t there.’
‘Masterduke told you,’ she said. Her mouth twitched. Smoothtooth watched her.
‘Yeah.’
‘What did you think when he told you?’
Smoothtooth shrugged. ‘That he sounded really into it. Excited. Said something about coming here specifically to meet him.’
Honey’s eyes flashed. ‘That’s interesting,’ she said.
‘If you say so,’ grunted Smoothtooth. ‘I wasn’t paying the raptest attention. Was thinking about Jet Set, the little –’ He muttered curses. Honey spoke over them.
‘Can you remember exactly what Masterduke said?’
‘Exactly? What, like, all of it?’
‘As much as you can remember. And, if you can, use his words, not yours.’
‘You don’t half ask for much, do you? Fine, if it’ll hurry this up. Let me think.’ He paused. ‘He said he suspected one of the soldiers.’
‘He said that?’
‘Yeah, that was it! And I know why I remembered that! Ivy and I were getting into it.’
‘Did he say who?’
‘No, but Ivy said Colonel Comet, and – hah! Hah!’ Smoothtooth stamped, grinning.
‘What?’
‘You’ll never guess who I said!’
‘Who?’
‘Hah, you’ll never guess!’
‘If you say so. Can you remember anything else?’
‘Yeah. I think he said it was an industry secret – Solitaire was. And that there was a lab on the dunes somewhere. I called tosh on that.’
‘Anything else?’
‘That’s it.’
Honey paused. ‘So, if I followed correctly, your sole source of information regarding Solitaire has been Masterduke.’
Smoothtooth shrugged. ‘And some others, chatting here and there.’
‘Who? When?’
Smoothtooth shrugged again. ‘Most everyone at some point.’
‘Recently, though.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Recently meaning after your conversation with Masterduke.’
‘Yeah, it’s been after that all right. Ivy’s to blame for that. Went straight to her head.’
Honey nodded. ‘Think very carefully. Had you ever heard the name Solitaire before you met Masterduke?’
‘Never.’
‘You’re absolutely certain. Think.’
‘Don’t need to. Absolutely certain. I was laughing about it, because who gets named after a bloody game of cards?’
‘What do you think of Masterduke?’
‘He’s a prat.’
‘Elaborate.’
‘It’s the way he speaks.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yeah. One of those non-stop fakers. Can’t stand those. On and on, drivel, drivel. They speak all the time and they never say anything, and he’s one of them.’
‘Have you spoken often?’
‘Barely.’
‘Then how do you justify your impression?’
Smoothtooth paused. He shrugged. ‘Just from what I sensed when we spoke.’
‘Your conversation about Solitaire,’ said Honey.
‘That’s the only time we spoke properly, yeah. If you could call it properly.’
Honey scanned Smoothtooth’s face. ‘You weren’t the worst I had,’ she muttered, ‘because you were honest.’ Smoothtooth frowned. Honey’s eyes were fixed on his. ‘Tell me,’ she breathed, ‘is this a joke? This. Solitaire. One of your “funs”?’ Smoothtooth’s frown deepened. He stared at Honey. She nodded slowly. ‘Then,’ she said, ‘that’s all. You may leave.’
‘Nah, nah. You aren’t getting away with that. Asking me all that and then closing up. I get to ask one thing.’ Smoothtooth took a step toward her. She did not budge. ‘I couldn’t even piss without you forcing me to take a note of it,’ he said, ‘and if you’ve changed, I’ll snap my horn.’ Honey stared at him. ‘Here we are,’ he continued, ‘off the record. Tell me what it’s all about. Why you do it. I want to know.’ Honey was silent. He waited. Neither spoke. ‘Fine. Go ahead and repor—’
‘That you asked me this,’ muttered Honey, ‘implies hope for you.’
Smoothtooth snorted. ‘What’s that mean?’
‘You do care.’
‘About some things, yeah.’
‘Yes,’ said Honey. ‘Perhaps even the right things.’
‘And?’
‘Latrines are firing splash,’ she said, ‘which is writing a report, or reporting for duty, or arriving on time, or eating dinner at the mess. If you piss in the wrong place, or fail to report, or eat too slowly –’ She paused. She looked at Smoothtooth. ‘What do you think happens?’
He shrugged. ‘No idea.’
‘Suffering.’
‘Eh?’
‘That’s why I asked you to piss in the right place – and why I punished you for disobeying.’
‘What sort of an answer is that?’
‘That’s my answer.’
‘Eating slowly gets you to bloody suffering?’ Honey smiled. Smoothtooth jolted, stepped backward. They watched each other. Eventually, Smoothtooth started to chuckle. ‘I said you,’ he added.
Honey frowned. ‘What?’
‘For Solitaire, said Smoothtooth, smiling. ‘I heard brains and loneliness, so you were the first name.’
‘Brains and loneliness,’ she repeated. ‘You didn’t tell me Masterduke said that.’
‘Oh. Yeah. He said – yeah, I’ve got it now. “Disaffected genius”. Alone on the dunes. That was it. Half-complimentary of me, really.’
‘Why were you even talking about it?’ said Honey.
‘Eh?’
‘How,’ she said, ‘did Solitaire come up in conversation? Why did Masterduke tell you this at all?’
‘Because he saw him during the fighti—’
‘No,’ she said. ‘Stop. Think. How did the conversation merit Solitaire? How did the topic come about?’
Smoothtooth frowned, then grimaced. ‘Can’t remember,’ he said.
‘You’re sure.’
‘Yeah.’ They watched each other. ‘So, you’re finished?’ said Smoothtooth. Honey nodded. Smoothtooth left at once, muttering to himself: ‘Eating equals bloody suffering, so it does. My, my.’