Rebecca sat, staring up at the sky. Had she been too harsh? It was hard to say. Just looking at Triss made her so mad—mad, hurt, sad, disappointed, wistful. There were so many emotions bound in her feelings about Triss. It felt different for her than for the other Dreamwardens. Most Dreamwardens looked upon their memories of Joss and felt nothing but loathing and shame for him. That same shame was something she felt too, but unlike the others, she embraced her memories of Joss. He wasn’t evil…well, he did do something incredibly evil, probably the most evil thing ever done, but it wasn’t something in his nature. Joss was just sad, lonely, and tired. He had deeply loved Triss. He loved the people, and they had ignored him and all he tried to do. They had thought terrible things about how unworthy he was compared to Triss, and after hearing it enough in people’s dreams, he came to believe it. Hate and malice weren’t part of Joss. He had been a creative type who tried his best to make things better for everyone around him—like she did, but that had faded due to the constant hurt and dismissal of his efforts. What had defined Joss in the end had been despair. She couldn’t hate Joss. He was the darkest reflection of herself. If he could become that, so could she. Sure, she wouldn’t have to live as long as him, and she had an exit that he didn’t from being stuck hearing all those terrible thoughts, but the fact remained that if her circumstances were similar, she could see it in herself to go down that road. She wished she could have given him a hug. A hug could have saved so much suffering.
“Rebecca?” Luna said from behind her. “We need to discuss what occurred between you and Queen Triss.”
She glanced back and saw Luna and Jess approaching her. This was probably Luna’s idea and Jess was following along so Luna wouldn’t have to go out of sight to reach her.
Turning her head away, she kept her voice low. “Why do we need to discuss it?”
“Because she is our ally against the Devourers, and you, a major representative of our forces against the Devourers, were unprovokedly rude to her,” Luna stated. “I know the Dreamwardens and Triss have a history of hostility, but that was uncalled for.”
“You have no idea,” Rebecca growled. “Do you have any idea what it is like to be part of failed after failed civilization. To be murdered over and over again by the Devourers, and watch her be more concerned about getting another ascended being than she is about saving the civilization as a whole? What has she done to help us? Given Princess Twilight some clues to thwart Sunset Shimmer? Spent time with a few key ponies she thinks might be potential alicorn material? The help she gave Twilight Sparkle was more than she’s given just about anyone else, I’ll give her that, but you saw her. You watched how she examined out friends, and then if she decided they weren’t potential ascended being material, she moved on without a word! Maybe they don’t have it in them to be fancy great people who can change the world on their own, but they matter! I get so tired of her dismissing people as if they don’t matter!”
She started to cry. “And is making ascended beings even a good thing? She never questions it. Joss would never have reached his point of sorrow if he hadn’t ascended. I know I don't want it. I don’t want the opportunity to reach that level of despair. Death is a part of life, an important part of life. The Devourers bring too much of it, but death should never be brought to a total end. We need our chance to move on. people aren’t supposed to just keep going until life stops feeling meaningful anymore. Even as a mortal Dreamwarden who will hopefully retire to Equestria someday, I struggle at times to keep my zeal for things. Do you know what it’s like to be all about creativity when you have memories of what everyone has ever done? Do you have any idea how hard it is to have a truly original idea?”
“I’m sure most would not realize your ideas bear resemblance to others if what was done before was done on some alien world a billion years prior,” Luna said.
”I would know,” Rebecca replied. She wanted to make some great architecture achievement, but every idea she could think of had been done by someone at some point—maybe not on Earth, but still done at some point.
“I think this is stuff you should be saying to her rather than telling her to get her head out of her ass,” Jess suggested. “Explaining yourself like this to her might be a little more productive. It also sounds like you have been holding onto some anxieties and frustrations and not talking about them with anyone. I know I’m not the best about talking about my feelings, but I’m also not some dream-demi-god that people really need to worry about the mental state of.”
“I’ll be okay,” Rebecca assured them. “Everyone gets down once and a while. Seeing Triss just kind of set something off in me. I think it’s because I’m more like Joss than the others. He might never have been as bouncy and cheerful as me, but he was the creative type as well. His frustrations with Triss were…they were a lot. Count that as baggage I inherited.”
“You owe her an apology,” Luna asserted. “You say you want her to be better. You need to be better with her. Show her that your words aren't merely angry spite, but honest concerns. I’m confident you hurt her feelings with your outburst. You have never seemed like a pony who tries to hurt another’s feelings.”
Had she been too harsh? She’d already questioned herself about that. Her friends said so. If her friends said so and she was wondering the same thing, it may be true. Another question was did it matter if she hadn’t been too harsh? Someone had to step up and reach out a hoof. She had more of Joss in her than the others, but that also meant she had more of a longing for Triss’s friendship…along with his anger and frustration at Triss. Why did feelings have to be so complicated?
She sighed and tapped the phone on her wrist to start some music. She tapped it a few more times till she finally landed on Stand By Me. It was at least hopeful for what she wanted with Triss. She then started to sway with the music. It didn’t take long to get her projection going.
“A final time projecting?” Arbiter asked. “I thought you would be preparing to return home.”
“I’ve got things I need to settle with Triss,” Rebecca explained.
“What possible business do you have with that dragon, Glutton?” Ghadab asked.
“I was rude and mean. I need to apologize,” Rebecca replied.
“If Triss cannot handle someone saying mean things about her, then she had no business surviving all these years,” Ghadab scoffed.
Rebecca shook her head. “Can I get some privacy while I do this?”
“No,” Arbiter answered. “But we will do our best to be quiet.”
That was good enough. She zoomed to the area where the climate had changed to accommodate the its other guest.
It didn’t take long to find the dragon. Triss was sitting outside a building, looking the same in flesh in blood as she did as she appeared as a projection just minutes before, except maybe looking a bit more tired. The dragon statuette sat between her forelegs, glowing without even needing to be touched. Triss's muzzle was lifted to the sky as the dragon sang a dirge for what all had been lost.
Rebecca did not speak as she brought her projection down in front of the dragon. She simply sat before Triss and waited.
Triss sang a few more notes then lowered her muzzle so she could look down on Rebecca. “What do you wish of me, The Marshmallow? You condemn me for visiting you, but you come to disturb my peace. Why should I not banish your shadow?”
Triss spoke in her native language, which sounded like a bunch of snaps, chittering, whines, and growls said at such a rapid pace with so many syllables it would be impossible for any normal person to follow—hundreds of syllables said in a few seconds. Normally, Triss would speak much slower to a non-native speaker, even if it took an eternity to say anything that way, but Rebecca was able to translate it while projecting. Triss had to know that.
“I came to say I'm sorry for things coming out the way they did,” Rebecca answered. “It wasn’t very friendly or cheerful of me, and I’m supposed to be the friendly and cheerful one.”
“But not sorry for the meaning of what you said,” Triss said. It wasn’t a question.
Rebecca shook her head. “No, not for that, but I could have been nicer about it. You were Joss's soulfriend, and I still feel the desire to be that. It makes us like distance sisters."
Triss snorted and shook her head. “Sisters? Such on odd concept. Why did you let Sunset Blessing leave Earth?”
That was an out of nowhere question. “Um, I didn’t let her do anything. She did what she thought was best. It’s not my place to have stopped her. Why are you even asking me about that? It has nothing to do with how rude I was to you.”
Triss leveled her eyes on Rebecca. “You say I don’t try to help, yet you let her leave. I told Luna and all of you on more than one occasion that she is important, yet you let her leave. I helped, and you disregard me.”
Rebecca grit her teeth. “I’m not really interested in indulging your quest for an ascended being, and certainly not Sunset Blessing as an alicorn. One great thing I can say for old SB is that she wouldn’t indulge your quest either. We’ve had one who could so far, and they're holding it back—subconsciously, but they’re doing it. Earth doesn’t need an ascended being.”
Triss shook her head. “She did not need to ascend to be important. She sees patterns and puzzles and solutions others do not. I do think that is a quality that could lead to ascension down the line, if she could get other things about herself in order, but those skills are important on their own. You need her if you are to combat the Devourers, and you let her walk away. Now you yell at me for not trying to help.”
It was Rebecca's turn to shake her head. “Yeah, she’s good at that stuff, but she isn’t the only one who is clever and can find solutions. In fact, we have all these humans on Earth, and one thing you can count on humans for, it is ingenuity. Most of them might not have magic, so that might have slipped your notice.”
“I had a vision, more than once,” Triss stated. “Yes, you need your humans for this endeavor, but you also need the Sunrise and the Sunset. She is the Sunset. I’m sure of it. It is no promise that you shall win, but it is a chance. It is more than I have seen on any world to this point.”
Rebecca tilted her head. “And did your vision tell you what the Sunrise and Sunset were supposed to do?”
Triss shook her head.
Rebecca sighed. “Of course it didn’t, because when would a vision ever give us a straightforward answer? Information from Storytellers and visions from you are so vague it makes them hardly useful,” She took an unnecessary breath. “I’ll see what can be done to convince her to come back, but I make no promises. It took a lot for her to decide to go, and she only went because she felt she had no other choice for the safety of her family. She’s not going to change her mind easily. Maybe, whatever she needs to do can happen in Equestria. She can think just as well there as she can on Earth. She can probably think more clearly there, since she has less people trying to kill her in Equestria. Trying to dodge assassination attempts can be very distracting when you’re trying to focus.”
Triss blinked. “Possible. I still prefer her in this universe.”
“Look…” Rebecca began. “I’ve got more of Joss in me than the others do, That makes dealing with you difficult. I don’t hate you, but I’m angry. Just like Joss was angry. I don’t agree with your goals, just like Joss did not. You heard all the arguments already from him, although I’m unsure if you ever truly listened to what he was saying. We need to be able to pass on, everyone does, in their own time. I honestly don’t know why you haven’t just let the Devourers take you. You must be so tired. I don’t know how you aren’t insane. Maybe you are.”
Triss looked away. “I have considered letting them take me, more than once,” the dragon confessed. “You do not know the loneliness I feel. I have only my missions, and I wish to see the end of this Cataclysm—however long that may take. You criticize me for not learning the unworthy names. How much more would I have to mourn if I took the time to know them all? It is hard enough knowing the names I do, names for me to sing when the world fails. My songs are long enough.”
“We Dreamwardens know all the names,” Rebecca said..
“Luckily for you, you don’t ever have to be around to sing their song afterward,” Triss replied. “Yet I will sing your names.”
Jordan put one last book on a bookcase and smiled at the new furniture in the rec room. This all felt a little more like her. There were several cushy couches, all done out in a violet that matched her fur, along with a few low tables and stools. There were three large bookcases that went all the way up to the ceiling, and filled with all the classics. There was a large group hookah next to one of the couches. She didn’t intend to use that much, especially after she vomited after using one on her eighteenth birthday (that was extremely embarrassing), but it was a very Skytree-type item, and she wanted things to remind her of Skytree. The one thing that wasn’t really her thing was an vintage arcade machine in the corner, Pac-Man. Amicus had insisted on them getting it. That was fine. This was Amicus’s home too, and if she wanted a Pac-Man machine, they were going to have a Pac-Man machine. Andrea and Legal Brief hadn’t ask for any particular inclusions for themselves, they were happy just getting furniture that fit ponies.
The rest of the house was decked out in similar furniture. She was shocked at how much it had cost to buy all this stuff. It was a full house worth of furniture, and it was a big house, but it had still been a shocking price tag. Her same day deliveries had spilled over to this morning because there had been so many, and she had only just finished setting up the rec room. There was still room after room of stuff she still had to set up, and she was tired from staging teleports of items directly to rooms (after Amicus and the guards had inspected each package to make sure nothing sinister had been put in). The only rooms that had been completely set up were this room, the dining room, and her bedroom. Luckily, most of the other rooms were guest rooms and studies; the sisters' bedrooms had already been set up for them prior to all this, as had Sinker’s currently unoccupied room.
Her phone started ringing. She glanced at it to see Jackie’s name displayed and gave it a quick tap.
“Hi, Jackie. What’s up?” she asked.
“Hey, Jor. I wanted to tell you that I had a long talk with Mom and Dad, and I was able to convince them that moving in with you might be the best option. It took a lot of convincing, and me cornering them both privately to give different arguments about why it is a good idea. Mom was the harder one to convince. She’s calmed down from where she was a few days ago, so she’s mostly sane and reasonable, aside from a few oddities here and there, but I had to give up on convincing her that she might have a problem and focus on her thinking about Dad and what’s good for him. Dad believes me that Mom has a problem, but he doesn’t think it’s as bad as I make it out to be. He didn’t see her much while he was intensive care and was too drugged up to notice much when he did, so he didn’t get to experience what she was like and dismissed it as her just being stressed out. I know what I’m talking about. I was stressed out; she was something else entirely. In between babbling worry about Dad, it was like her mark had control of her brain. She was trying to dig for treasure!”
“Dig for treasure?” Jordan asked in confusion “I thought you two were waiting at the hospital.”
“We were. She was trying to dig through the floor,” Jackie said flatly. “Do you know how much damage a middle-aged earth pony can do to a hospital’s floor? By the way, I need a loan to cover damages. They haven’t sent me the bill yet, but I expect it's going to be a lot.”
Jordan’s ears sagged. “I’ll see what I can do. Um, her trying to dig through the floor could be an issue. Auntie Sunset left all kinds of defenses. If you do the wrong things, this place is a death trap. I actually caught a pony in the ground a few days ago—like, her legs were actually phased into the ground, couldn’t move, and her legs lost blood circulation.”
“You’re the one who pushed to bring them there!” Jackie yelled. “Now you’re saying that they could die by accident there!”
“I know! I know! But I didn’t know she could be digging like a madmare when I made the suggestion,” Jordan yelled. “I’ll talk to Andrea and Amicus to see what they think and see if they have suggestions. There has to be a workable solution to it if we know what to expect. We’ll figure something out.”
“Do that quickly,” Jackie replied. “Both of them need to settle things with their jobs. I think Dad being done with his was a given, but the school year just started with Mom. She’s been there almost twenty years. She was even my third grade teacher. I don’t see her leaving abruptly without properly saying goodbye to her students and coworkers. They’re like a second family to her. Plus, it’s going to take time to pack everything. Still, I want to get them moving ASAP.”
Jordan frowned. They’d need to rent a storage space or something. Her parents moving in was fine and all, but she’d just fixed this place up to be a reflection of her. How many rooms could she portion off for them? Could she give them their own hallway? That was an idea. One hallway of this place had more space than their old house. Hmm, but there was the kitchen, and there was only one kitchen and dining room. How would that work out? It felt a little wrong thinking about this kind of stuff, but this was her space, and while she loved her parents, she wanted this to remain feeling like her house, not theirs. She didn’t want them taking over the place. She already felt like she was at the mercy of Andrea half the time—more than half the time. Adding her parents into it could feel like getting pushed out. This was her independence.
She shook her head. Thinking such things was selfish. It wasn’t wrong to want to protect her independence, but being paranoid about it was a sign of insecurity. She wasn’t coming off as an independent adult if she constantly worried about guarding her independence. She needed to show more confidence.
“I’ll do everything I can to get things ready for them,” Jordan assured her sister. “Did you miss class because of the thing with Dad?”
“No, but I had to cancel a date,” Jackie answered. “Don’t worry. I was only half-interested in the guy.”
“Why were you going on a date with him then?” Jordan asked.
“Just looking for a good time. And before you ask, yes, I’m on my pill, and was going to carry protection for him, just in case he didn’t have any,” Jackie answered.
“I wasn’t going to ask. I know you’re careful,” Jordan replied. “Honestly, I’m jealous. You can get any guy to hang off your tail.”
“Muscle gives my flanks tone, and I’ve got a larger than average wingspan. Pegasus stallions go nuts for those types of things,” Jackie said smugly. “Don’t worry so much about that stuff. You’ll meet someone. I might have more of the stuff that impresses pegasi guys, but you are prettier than me, not to mention smarter. Now you’re living in a big mansion and have tons of money. I should be jealous of you. I have basically being more athletic over you and that’s it. At some point, I’m going to stop working out and let myself go. After that, you beat me on all fronts.”
“Don’t say things that. It sounds like you’re putting yourself down,” Jordan replied. “You’re intelligent. It takes a lot of split-second thinking to do all the tricks you do in the air. You have to constantly be judging air pressure, wind speed, your velocity, humidity, making pinpoint calculations on how to change your speed and trajectory, noticing everything on the ground and in the air around you, and likely even more things I have no idea about. It’s like trying to follow Auntie Sunset or Princess Twilight working a complex spell—there’s just too much going on at once for me to follow, but you can manage all those things at once. I don’t think most unicorns are as smart as pegasi and Earth ponies, to be honest. Most of us can only figure out how to keep track of a few things at once, but the other tribes can do way more. Maybe it’s some sort of safeguard so we don’t get overpowered with our spellcasting. If you had a horn, I’m sure you’d be better at doing spells than me.”
“I heard you got the better of Crystal recently with some split-second thinking,” Jackie reminded her. “I’d have loved to have seen her face when you pulled that. Especially after how many times during our training sessions she sapped my flying magic and made me faceplant in the grass.”
Jordan scowled. “Well, she deserved it! I get my own place, and they immediately come here and put me through another one of their sessions! That was such horseshit!”
“I’m in your corner when it comes to that,” Jackie laughed. “I need to go. There’s a book I was supposed to have read for class, and I haven’t even started. You wouldn't happen to have read some book called Cloud Atlas and be able to summarize what happens in a few sentences, would you?”
Jordan stared at her phone in disbelief. “You want me to summarize everything that happens in Cloud Atlas in a few sentences?”
“Well, that had been the idea, but now you’re replying like I’m insane, and I’m wondering exactly how much shit I am in,” Jackie replied.
“When are you supposed to have read this book by?” Jordan asked.
“Tomorrow.”
“Then you are in a lot of shit,” Jordan said flatly.
“Is there a movie?”
“Yeah…but-”
“Oh! Then I’ll just watch that,” Jackie said cheerfully.
Jordan shook her head. “You’re such a jock.”
“Never claimed to be anything else,” Jackie said. Jordan could practically hear the grin on her sister’s voice. “Anyway, I’m gonna let you go. I’ve got a movie to stream. I’ll talk to you later. Love you, Sis!”
“Love you, too, Sis,” Jordan replied.
The call ended. What should she be doing? Probably talking to Andrea about what to do if her mom started digging on the property. Jessie should be returning from her trip today. Maybe she could try calling her later and see about setting up a visit with the college.
She turned and headed towards the guard room. Andrea first. Then doing some more setting up rooms.