The Majestic Tale (of a Mad-Pony in a Box)

by R5h

Discord and the Doctor—Part 1 (a)

He'd said his goodbyes. He'd gotten his reward.

It was time.

But he'd waited so long before regenerating, and now he was so weak... in so much pain...

January 1st, 2005. On some snowy street in London, England, Earth, the Solar System, the Milky Way, the Doctor staggered into his TARDIS and closed the door. He pulled off his coat, listening to the sound of the universe singing him to a final sleep. Maybe the next one will like the coat. It really is a wonderful.... He lost his train of thought and resolved to do what really mattered—getting the TARDIS off of Earth. Can’t regenerate here... close to too many people. Have to do it alone.

As the music of the universe and the sound of the TARDIS played, the Doctor raised his right hand, where he knew it would begin. First the hand, then the rest of his body—every exposed bit of skin—glowed gold and orange. Filaments of energy reached and twined around him, covering him in the light. It was really happening. There would be no cheats this time, no ways to avoid the regeneration.

And for a few moments, the Tenth Doctor could accept this. He could accept the fact that he'd regenerate, a whole new man would soon be in his place, and he'd be gone.... No, he couldn’t. He really didn't want to die.... He didn't want to...

“I don't want to go!” said he, as his—his—lungs heaved and his—not the next Doctor's, but his—hearts beat their last. He didn't want someone else picking up where he left off. But there was no stopping it now; he'd delayed as long as he could. Far longer than he should have.

For the regeneration of a Time Lord, a being born with the power of the time vortex, is not always a calm event. Gentle deaths of old Lords cause no great cataclysm, but 500,000 rads in the three-year-old body of a Time Lord who has greedily put off his death until the last moment?

As the energy burst from his face and hands in a golden inferno, it nearly destroyed the TARDIS and sent it crashing down to Earth. But that energy did much more. A hole in space and time opened up at that moment—not a huge gap, but big enough for the consciousness of the dying Time Lord to seize its chance and act on its last desire.

And as some big-faced Eleventh Doctor worried that he had become a girl, the Tenth was gone. Gone from London, from England, Earth, the Solar System, the Milky Way Galaxy.

Gone from this universe.

But not gone entirely.

It was a gorgeous day outside Canterlot. With no rain scheduled for another week, the midday sun shone down unobstructed by clouds. The grass was fresh and green, the birds were chirping, and all in all it was a perfectly normal summer day—except in the sculpture garden on the city’s outskirts, where something impossible was happening.

There was a golden light in the garden, pouring in through a hole in the fabric of creation. It was, to give a less-than-accurate description, the four-dimensional end of a tunnel filled with fire and rage. The light coalesced into a stallion with a brown coat and a darker mane. The last of the light subsided, and the Doctor opened his eyes, heaved a breath into his lungs, and started shouting.

“What?” Instead of fire, there was a massive hedge maze under a cheerful blue sky. No pillars of otherworldly coral surrounded him, only marble sculptures of horses. He spun around to look at where the central console had been, only to see a sculpture of some sort of dragon. Beyond it lay a majestic castle, filled with towers built hundreds of feet in the air, their spires decorated in gold and regal purple. In short, it was not his TARDIS.

“What?” More shocking than the change of location was what had not changed; he still felt mostly like himself. His body seemed different somehow—he decided to get back to that later—but his mind was the same, almost as if he hadn't regenerated at all.

“WHAT?” And he realized something else: not only could he not see the TARDIS, he couldn't feel her either. He cast his mind out and tried to sense her presence, but there was nothing—no more psychic link. “But that's impossible! Unless... no, can't be...”

I'm in another universe, and the TARDIS isn't. But how? He tried to put it together: his death, the regeneration, the fire bursting from his face and hands... and then he remembered a sensation of escaping, his mind leaving his body. Maybe I'm in heaven or something? He'd never believed in an afterlife, or been sure which side he might end up on if it existed, but extraordinary things could happen. It's a big universe, after all... well, multiverse.

Then the Doctor realized what was different about his new body. “I'm a horse!” So no, probably not heaven. He raised his arm up—no, he didn't have an arm anymore—he raised his leg up and gaped at the hoof on the end. Feeling very awkward indeed on four legs, he spun around to see brown hindquarters bearing a brown tail and a pair of matched hourglass tattoos on either side.

“What horse has a tattoo—two tattoos? And how did this happen?” He began thinking with his mouth. “How'd I get here instead of regenerating—wait, the regeneration, of course! Maybe... oh yes, yes it did! If it was powerful enough to destroy the TARDIS, it might have been powerful enough to... to...” He trailed off, partially because there was no one to listen except for a gray horse dozing beneath a distant statue.

More importantly, his brain caught up with his mouth and he realized what had happened: the regeneration had punched a hole between universes. With a rip in the fabric of existence like that, anything could happen. Worlds could boil; universes could collapse. Typical Doctor, endangering everybody. His head sank in shame.

“Excuse me, can you keep it down?” said a voice from somewhere in the courtyard. “I'm trying to nap.” The Doctor turned to the source and saw the gray horse he'd noticed earlier, who was looking at him through narrowed eyes. “One lousy hour off from mail duty, spend it somewhere you think is quiet....”

“Sorry!” he said—before he realized what, exactly, he was looking at. “You're a talking horse!”

Her mouth opened slightly.

“Hang on—I'm a talking horse too; I guess it's not that special. Oh, hello, by the way! I'm the Doctor, and your name is? And are those wings on your back?” he interjected before she could respond, realizing that there were wings folded beneath her green saddlebags. “You're a pegasus! And just when you think you've run out of mythological creatures! Brilliant!”

“Um,” she said.

I think I've gotten ahead of myself, the Doctor realized. “Sorry... anyway, can you tell me where we are?”

“Okay....” She stood up to look at him eye to eye. “If you're trying to play a joke, it's funny not really—I mean really not funny! Shoot!” She bared her teeth and smacked herself on the forehead with a front hoof.

“Sorry, why would I be playing a joke? And what was your name again?”

“Derpy. Derpy Hooves. And you can't think of any reason?” She glared at him and, for some reason he couldn't quite grasp, tapped the side of her head near her eyes.

“Nothing. So, where are we? Or is this one of those things I should know? Sorry, I'm kind of from... out of town—or, quite possibly, out of castle,” he added, gesturing up at the spires to his right. “This isn't a feudal society by any chance, is it?”

She tapped the side of her face again. “Look,” the Doctor said, “I'm really not seeing what you're—oh! Oh.” He'd just noticed that she wasn't indicating her face: she was indicating her irises, which were huge, golden, and both quite off-center. She probably means the last of those. “Sorry I didn't notice before.... Is it important?”

Her eyes widened again, losing some of the accusatory glare. “You really didn't notice?” she asked.

“Well—”

“Heh-heh-heh....”

Derpy froze. “Did you hear that?”

“Yes....” The two of them slowly turned to look at the source—which, unless the Doctor was wrong, was the bizarre dragon statue in front of which he'd been deposited. “Is there any reason that statue ought to be laughing?”

“It can't be....” Derpy took a step away. “Someone's pulling a stupid prank. It's not him.”

“It's not whom?” The Doctor was about to continue, but he noticed a small pulsating darkness in the chest of the statue, like a little heartbeat. “Derpy, is that statue alive?”

Derpy's mouth hung open. “No,” she breathed. “Please, no.”

Before the Doctor could process this, the sound of stone breaking filled the air. He saw cracks issuing from the dark 'heart' of the statue, running up and around the whole body. White light issued from every new crack, growing brighter and brighter until he could hardly see. “Get down!” he shouted, pushing Derpy to the ground and placing his body between her and the statue. He squeezed his eyes shut.

A second later, he heard the explosion and was pelted with a blizzard of marble shards that knocked him to the ground. He lay wincing in the grass for a few seconds, grateful for his new thick equine skin, then looked up at the statue—but its plinth was empty.

“HAHAHAA! Oh BOY am I glad not to spend another thousand-or-so years with that expression—I almost looked scared there.” A massive talon grabbed the Doctor's head and pulled him into the air, bringing him face to face with the creature from the statue.

He'd been wrong before to think of it as a dragon: it was so much more. As he looked closer, the Doctor noticed the paw of a lion, the leg of a lizard, and the face of a goat. More than that, he noticed the golden glint in its eyes and its face-splitting smile. The Doctor, on the other hand, couldn't feel so cheerful.

“Well, I couldn't have asked for a better wake-up call! A sprinkling of time and space mixed with all that shame and conflict—it's much better than that tea thing you're so fond of. Why would you even like tea anyway?” He—judging by the voice, the creature was probably male—pulled a steaming teapot from thin air, took a sniff, and gagged. “Blech! Give me chocolate milk any day.” He threw it at the ground, and it rebounded into the sky like a superball without spilling a drop.

“And oh, what a world there is in that big head of yours, Doc. What a war!” The creature paced away from the Doctor, hands holding his head. “And what's that I'm seeing? Oh—wait, did you... to all of them?” He turned around and beamed at the Doctor. “Oh, that is vicious—but delightfully creative! Yes, I think I could take a few leaves out of your mind!”

The Doctor gaped. He's reading my mind. How is he.... He tried to throw up his mental barriers, but couldn't find anything to defend against—like trying to erect a wall on the ocean floor to keep the water out. The creature, whatever he was, was in.

“Whew!” The creature disappeared in a flash of light, reappearing just behind the Doctor. “Well, that's quite enough time inside that dismal brain for a while. How do you live inside there all the time?” He grimaced.

Before the Doctor could respond—or come close to figuring out any way to respond—the creature had picked him up in one hand again, and was speaking with him face to face. “Now, Doc, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a few important errands to run—don't want this jaunt to end too quickly, you know. Don't worry, I'll be back in a jiffy; just look for my card. And once again, thank you for the house call!” He snapped his fingers and vanished in another white flash, leaving the Doctor unsure whether to be confused or wary.

“He's back.” Derpy said the words flatly, but the Doctor could hear the fear behind them. “How can he be back?”

“Who?”

“Discord.” Derpy jumped up into the air and started flying toward the castle. “We need to tell someone, now.”

“Wait!” The Doctor tried to run behind her, but it was hard with four legs; he managed a sort of stagger-step at best. “Derpy, who is Discord?”

It was free time for Twilight Sparkle, and she was scrutinizing her book of ancient Equestrian literature, trying to decipher a fragment of Equestria's oldest known poem. Well, that can't be right. She sighed, unconvinced by what she had translated, and let it fall back on her desk. 'A wolf will fly and sing'... what's that supposed to mean?

“Did you miss me, Twilight Sparkle?”

She froze when she heard the voice. That voice. “No,” she whispered. Discord had been sealed back into his statue not even a year before.

“Mais oui, ma petite! C'est moi. Sorry to pop in so suddenly—hope I didn't scare you.” The draconequus flew in front of her face, forcing her to back up to the middle of the library. “And I'm not surprised to see Celestia still hasn't taught you any manners. Is slack-jawed terror any way to treat an old friend?”

Twilight didn't dare look in his eyes; she remembered from her friends' descriptions that they had been hypnotized that way. Instead she closed her eyes, gritted her teeth, and in a moment all of her friends—the fellow bearers of the Elements of Harmony—were teleported there. Discord smirked.

“—ity, you really don't need to—hey!” said Rainbow Dash. “Twilight! What the hay was—GAH! DISCORD!”

Discord put his hands up as if surrendering. “Well, you have improved in the past year, my little bookworm. I clearly can't hope to compete with a new spell that powerful.” His smirk grew more pronounced as the six ponies grouped in formation.

“You think my magic's impressive now—how about this!” Twilight yelled, and used a second spell to summon each Element of Harmony to its owner. The Elements started to glow as they were activated. “Prepare to—”

Suddenly she couldn't move. She couldn't see, she could barely hear, and she couldn't breathe—and she couldn't cast any magic. What's happening?

“Wish I could have done that last time. Anyway, sorry, Twilight, but it turns out I do turn ponies to stone after all,” she heard, and realized what had happened to her. “But surely the six of you can appreciate how wonderfully karmic it is, to give you a taste of your own rainbow-flavored medicine? Even if it is a bit boring.”

Equestria is doomed, Twilight realized. Trapped as she was, she wouldn't be able to help anypony. “Now I'd love to stay and chat," Discord continued, "but I've got a date with two very naughty princesses. Before I go, though, a word of advice; try not to focus too hard on your tongue—or the fact that even though you don't need to breathe, you'll really really want to!” She heard more laughter, then the sound of him disappearing.

Breathe?

“He's, um... he's Discord,” said Derpy, angling toward a wooden door in the marble wall, and flying just slowly enough for the Doctor to keep up. “I mean, duh! What planet are you from?” She sounded testy again, which was frankly the opposite of what he needed at the moment.

“Gallifrey.” She gave him a hard look. “No, seriously. I'm not from this planet, and I shouldn't be here, and I shouldn't even look like—” he vaguely gestured around himself with a front hoof, and nearly fell over “—like—like this, and I have no idea what's going on right now! So, Derpy Hooves, tell me, really tell me, where am I, who's Discord, and what does he do?”

“You're telling me you're an outer-space alien—”

“YES, I'M AN OUTER-SPACE ALIEN! Where, who, what?”

“Fine, Doctor alien.” Derpy didn't seem convinced, but at least she was talking. “You're in the land of Equestria. That thing back there—Discord—he's the Spirit of Disharmony. And he does anything he wants to anypony he wants.” They halted in front of the large door.

“What do you mean 'anything'?” the Doctor panted. What I wouldn't give to have just two legs to worry about. Four are exhausting.

“Anything!” Derpy wound up and rammed into the door, but it refused to budge. “It's locked! Come on!” The Doctor found himself wishing for the hundredth time that his sonic screwdriver worked on wood—then remembered that he didn't have a sonic screwdriver. Or any clothes. Focus on modesty later, Doctor.

“Is there any way to stop him?” he asked. Derpy dashed away, flying parallel to the stone wall. The Doctor ignored his nakedness and forged onwards.

“They'll have to use the Elements of Harmony!”

“What are those? And hang on, who's they?”

“They're the only ponies who can wield the Elements, and the Elements are the only that things can beat Discord.” Galloping was more complicated than the Doctor might have guessed, and it took him a moment to realize what had gone wrong with her sentence. She didn't seem to notice.

“So we're finding the wielders?” he asked, ignoring her mistake.

“No—they're all the way in Ponyville. We're going to talk to the princesses.” The distant corner of the castle wall came into view, prompting Derpy to speed up and forcing the Doctor to figure out galloping very quickly.

“The who?”

Princess Celestia heard four knocks at her door and frowned, unable to imagine why somepony would need to speak with her and Luna now. It could not be the guards, nor any normal visitor whom the guards might conceivably allow to visit the princesses' private chambers; they would have announced themselves instead of knocking. Perhaps Twilight... no, she would give very advanced notice. She looked to her sister, but Luna seemed as uncertain as she did. “Who is it?” Celestia finally asked.

The doors exploded inward. The princesses barely had time to duck before they flew over their heads and crashed through the window behind them. Celestia quickly looked back to the charred doorway to see Discord, holding something in his hand.

“Flowers!” Discord announced, waving his bouquet. He paused for a reaction, but Celestia and Luna only stared with jaws agape. “Oh, no need to thank me, it's only a little house-warming gift.”

Luna recovered from her shock first, and yelled, “How did you escape?” She fired blast after magical blast at Discord, colder and blacker than the dark side of the moon. Celestia did not hesitate to add her own magic: a concentrated beam of light hot enough to fuse the surrounding air and explode it. The continuous double attack converged on Discord, and provoked from him an annoyed sigh as his flowers were first frozen, then vaporized.

“Well maybe I'd tell you if you stopped poking me! Goodness, I will never understand mares....” Jagged chains of lunar stone sprung from the floor to wrap around his entire body, only to turn into limp spaghetti upon contact. He pulled out a hand mirror and scrutinized his face, continuing to ignore the assaults striking him. “Always saying one thing and doing another.... My beard!” He scowled, yanked a brush from thin air, and began pulling it through his goatee. “Only one year as a statue and it's already a mess! Oh, I am properly annoyed now.”

Celestia tried not to panic. She knew she stood no chance against Discord, but together she and Luna should have been able to slow him down; something was very wrong. Can I buy the time to contact Twilight? Is it too late already? “Who set you free, Discord?” she roared, summoning a plume of lava from the floor beneath him. It froze into a spire of rock as soon as Luna's magic struck it, encasing him.

He walked through it with a roll of his eyes. “More attacks, Celestia? How insulting. Well, as they say on the playground, I'm rubber....” As Luna's and Celestia’s attacks converged upon him, he flipped the hand mirror around to face them. “And you're glue.” The magical blasts reflected from it, and each princess was struck by her sister’s attack.

Every bone in Celestia's body felt like ice. The air froze in her lungs as she was lifted off her hooves and thrown to the edge of the room, her head hanging out through the remains of the shattered window. She felt Luna land beside her, screaming in thermonuclear agony.

“Well, now that you're knackered...” She managed to turn her head up and saw Discord's sadistic grin looming over her. “If you actually want to know the answer, I got a Doctor's visit, and it cured what ailed me. Simple as that. And now?” He chortled. “Now I'm feeling better than ever! Better enough that I can do this.” He reached down and held his hands to their horns. “Oh, don't worry, it won't hurt a bit.” Celestia squeezed her eyes shut and braced for the worst—then Discord grabbed on.

Her frozen lungs would not let her scream at the awful pain of her horn twisting and deforming—and then she felt no pain in her horn. In fact, she could not feel her horn at all.

“I told you!” He held the two horns in front of her face, so that Celestia could see them hollowing themselves out and spinning like pieces of pottery in his claw. By the time he set them on the floor they had molded themselves into two clay vases: white for Celestia and black for Luna. “What, did you think I would just rip them from your skulls? After we've known each other for so long, Tia? I'm hurt.

“And look, you've managed to destroy the house-warming present I brought for you.” He sighed and scratched his beard in contemplation. “I try to be nice, and... oh well, I'll improvise.” He reached behind Celestia's back, and she convulsed at the sudden pain of her wings being pulled from her body. “They're not unlike flowers, after all,” he remarked, dropping them in her vase and doing the same to Luna's wings.

Celestia's lungs had unfrozen enough for her to whisper. “You'll... never...” Discord leaned in close and beckoned for her to speak up. “Get... away...”

“Oh, that again. 'I will never get away with this. Evil will be defeated. Etcetera, etcetera',” he droned, flapping his claw in a 'blah-blah-blah' motion. “Newsflash, Princess—your precious faithful student and her rag-tag bunch of friends are a bit indisposed at the moment, so everyone who could have beaten me is gone! Now do enjoy your house-warming gift, because things are about to get very warm indeed.”

“What do you—” A painful fit of coughing stopped Celestia from speaking.

Discord produced a massive pair of rusty shears and cut a patch of blue fur from Luna, ignoring her continued screams. “Oh brava, Tia—this is the worst thing you've done to your sister in a long time.” Leather oven mitts appeared over his claws as he held the fur to his eyes and scrutinized it. “I'd guess this is about... oh, six thousand degrees? You really shouldn't throw spells like that around—you could start a fire.”

He smirked and tossed it out the window. “Well, it's been fun as always, Princesses, but I've got to head back to the Doctor for my five-a-day fix of chaos. Have fun!” He vanished, but his laughter still echoed in the ruined room.

Celestia heard the sound of burning from below, and looked down to see a fire spreading across the roof where Luna's fur had landed. Within a minute, the fire had grown to a hellish inferno, producing foul sooty smoke that clogged her mouth and blinded her eyes—but neither she nor Luna had the strength to move away from the window. All Celestia could do was choke and listen to the screams outside, unable to help her subjects or even herself. There was nothing to be done.

But then Discord's words sank in, and Celestia realized that if he was telling the truth, there was one last hope for Equestria after all. She knew it could be false hope—that Discord could be lying about that stallion's return—but it was all she had left, and she clung to it with all her strength. Doctor... I hope it really is you.

Derpy briefly tore her gaze from the castle wall to glance at the Doctor in astonishment. “You don't even know the princesses—fine, they're Celestia and Luna. And we're going to them because they live right here, in the city of Canterlot.” She gestured with her wing to the city, but in the process swerved and almost crashed into the ground.

“Whoa there!” The Doctor ducked and barely avoided a collision with her. “Are you okay?”

“Stupid wings—I'm fine. We need to keep faster—go keeping—keep going faster!” Derpy snorted in a very horsey, very frustrated fashion. She accelerated, forcing the Doctor to speed up as well.

“Okay, so we go to... Canterlot? Seriously?” He lost his train of thought for a few seconds. “Is there a Marey-Land, or Stalliongrad?... Sorry, off-topic... and we tell these princesses that Discord's back, and then what?”

“They can tell Twilight and the rest faster than we can. And when they do, the Elements are gonna beat Discord just like last time.”

That's a good plan, the Doctor thought as he kept up with Derpy. Taking the initiative like that... I like her already. Also, last time? How often does this Discord break free, anyway? And who's Princess Celestia? More importantly, how do I get back to my universe when I'm done here? Is the hole still open? He rounded a corner, his mind still working furiously. Far too many questions and not nearly enough time.

“Finally!” Derpy exclaimed, interrupting his train of thought. “A royal guard!” She made a beeline for a white horse wearing golden armor and sabatons, standing next to a large gate. The Doctor moved to follow her, when suddenly something else caught his eye—or rather, everything else.

He wondered how Derpy could call Canterlot merely a 'city'. The whole thing looked to be one huge, shining palace, hanging from the sheer face of a mountain in proud defiance of gravity. From here, its towers seemed to loom even higher, revealing more of their munificent beauty. Water flowed from the mountain around and through the outer wall, then plummeted a thousand feet to the land below.

And that land seemed to go on forever. The Doctor saw massive forests of almost uniform green, broken by the rivers that ran from the Canterlot waterfalls, continued almost to the horizon, then were halted by a distant range of hills. In a grassy plain between two of the forests sat a somewhat higgledy-piggledy collection of houses: quaint but scenic.

It was beautiful. However, as he realized after a few seconds, it was distracting. While he'd been sightseeing, Derpy had dashed to the guard and started shouting about Discord.

“Okay, lady, just calm down,” he heard the guard say. “Start from the beginning.”

“Discord. Back he's—I mean he's back. I saw him come back with my own eyes.”

“Right...” The guard gave her an unconvinced look. “Maybe your eyes were playing tricks on you, ma'am?”

Derpy glared at him. “I can see fine. Why can't you just listen?” The guard rolled his eyes. “Really! Discord! Back!” Derpy yelled.

The Doctor wobbled over to her as quickly as he could. “Sir, I was there. I saw it happen.” Did I make it happen? No... no, there’s more important things to worry about right now. “So no red tape, no skepticism, just get this information to your Princesses now.” He heard a slight crackling sound emanating from the city.

“Okay, you two.” The guard sounded short on patience. “I don't know if this is supposed to be some sort of practical joke, but it's not funny.” A lick of orange appeared in the Doctor's peripheral vision. “If Discord had returned, we'd know.” Red light grew from the city's center. “So I don't need you two claiming that he's back when everything's clearly—”

Someone in the city screamed. The guard turned around and gasped at what the Doctor already saw—an inferno in the center of Canterlot, growing at an incredible rate. Black smoke rose to obscure the sky and block the sun, and the Doctor felt the beginnings of a wind at his back as the fire began drawing in oxygen from outside.

“Happy?” the Doctor yelled. “Is that enough proof for you?”

The guard hesitated, then set his jaw. “You two, evacuate from the city area now. I need to go in and help—”

The teapot Discord had bounced several minutes earlier finally landed like a meteorite on the guard's helmet, and knocked him unconscious to the ground. Derpy and the Doctor froze as it rolled a few feet toward them, before wobbling to a halt. A spurt of steam flew out the spout, carrying with it a scrap of paper that landed at the Doctor's hooves. It was a postcard depicting Discord posing in front of the city in its pristine state. “Visit Beautiful Canterlot!” it read in big letters, just above Discord's grinning face.

“Derpy, you have to go now.”

“Why? Where?”

“Because Discord is coming back right now. For me, and I don't know why. But you're not going to suffer on my account. I dunno... fly to Ponyville and raise an alarm, save as many other horses as you can. Get those Elements of Harmony, if Discord hasn't killed them.”

“But what about you?”

“Don't.”

“He's gonna—”

“Derpy, forget about me right now,” he pleaded, looking her straight in the eyes. “Forget about the mad, rude horse who keeps interrupting you and says he's an alien. Just run and find somewhere safe, right now. Anywhere that's nowhere near me.”

Derpy hesitated, but eventually turned away. “Goodbye, Doctor.” The Doctor bowed his head and sighed in relief as she dove down the hill back to Ponyville. Thank you.

“Gahow-hohoho... oh, Doc, you lanky Casanova,” came a voice from the postcard. The picture of Discord turned to look at him. “Picking up the girls already? Well, don't you worry; I'll let her be for now. She'll have slightly better luck than everyone else you travel with.”

The postcard transformed back into Discord. “Though to be honest, ol' google eyes is messed up enough without my help.” He laughed. “Now, whooooo wants s'mores!” He produced a long pink umbrella from thin air, speared a marshmallow on it, and held it to the burning city. More terrified screams came from the city, joined by the sound of buildings collapsing, and above all the powerful roar of the fire.

“I don't know how you did this, Discord, but I swear—”

Discord shoved the marshmallow into the Doctor's mouth. “It's polite to say 'yes, please'.” As he produced another one and placed it on his umbrella, the Doctor tried to continue but could not speak; the marshmallow was supernaturally sticky. He stared hopelessly into the fire, listening to the screams.

“Ahh, nothing like a nice campfire shared with your good pal. Ain't it so, Doc?” Discord tossed the second marshmallow into his own mouth, then lay back on the grass and basked in the red light. The delicate gold inlay of the city's spires melted away. The royal purple disappeared, overwhelmed by the billows of orange and red. Steam rose from the rivers that bubbled out of the city. The Doctor tried to step closer, but the heat was too intense even at this distance, forcing him to stand impotently outside the perimeter.

“Well!” Discord bolted upright, startling the Doctor. “That was fun while it lasted.” He snapped his fingers, and a giant cotton candy cloud appeared over the whole city. Out poured a torrent of chocolate rain which extinguished the fire within seconds.

What. The Doctor grabbed the marshmallow in his mouth with both hooves and managed to yank it out. “What did you—why did you—what was the point of that?” he spluttered.

“Oh, I should have heated it up instead?” On cue, a massive bellows appeared in Discord's claws. He aimed it at the cloud and pulled it open, sucking up the cotton candy in a single go. “Shame on you, Doc—suggesting I should let a pony come to harm.”

The Doctor stared at him. “Don't pretend your inferno didn't kill anyone. It's impossible.”

“First of all, I'm Discord. Impossible is what I do.” With an irritated grunt, Discord pointed the bellows at the Doctor and squeezed, enveloping him in a wave of cotton candy. The Doctor gagged as his nose filled with saccharine. “Second, where do you get off calling it my inferno, hmm? And finally, you really think I'd kill ponies? No no no no, that would take all the fun out of it, don't you see?”

Discord laid a claw on the Doctor's back, pulled him from the candy cloud, and waved expansively to the world around them. “Behold the magical land of Equestria, inhabited by the earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns. Ruled over, until very recently—” he chuckled “—by the pony princesses Celestia and Luna, rulers of day and night. And it's so boring!” His voice became much less conversational, and his nails bit into the Doctor's skin. “All the rules, the statutes, the statues... and you think I'd make it even worse by killing ponies so that they're no fun to play with anymore?”

“Play with? Are you sure you don't mean torture?” The Doctor glared at the mismatched dragon with a ferocity that had forced shadows into retreat, that had repelled countless alien invasions. “Discord, I'm telling you right now—”

This ferocity had no effect on Discord, who merely tossed the Doctor into the air like a conductor's baton, summarily cutting him off. “Oh, Doc, you really can be so grim. But enough talk!” He snatched the Doctor out of the air and swooped toward distant Ponyville, his voice once again nothing short of ebullient. “You wanted to know a bit about me, I believe? We could do a candlelit dinner if you want—maybe a little speed dating! Or maybe... I could show you some of my best work.”

Backstage at the Ponyville Amphitheater was, to put it mildly, packed. The stage had been built for school plays, and was unused to having so much equipment being moved around. Lights were being hoisted, pyrotechnics were being prepared, and amplifiers were being lugged by a team of stallions specially hired for lugging. In all the tumult, no one paid much attention to the gray-coated earth pony obsessing over her cello in the corner.

Everything about Octavia suggested attention to detail. Her dark-gray mane flowed smoothly from her head, free of tangles and loose ends. Her pink bowtie was immaculately symmetrical. Her instrument... was still not quite in tune. Then again, maybe it was; she could hardly hear herself think over the hubbub, let alone properly tune her cello.

At times like these she envied Vinyl Scratch, a unicorn who was impossible to miss even in this commotion. This was partly thanks to her pure white coat; partly thanks to her mane and tail, colored in two different shades of neon blue; and partly because of her vividly purple pair of goggles, and the reddish eyes beneath them.

But it was mostly because Vinyl—or DJ PON-3, as she called herself on stages like these—made sure that everypony noticed her at any given hour of any given day, and today was no exception. If anything, the pandemonium behind the curtain was making her more energetic, more in her element. I suppose she's used to loud, confused noise. Octavia smiled, then caught herself before her train of thought could go any further. That's not very nice, is it? What must she think of my music if that's all I think of hers?

“No no no no no, this goes here!” Vinyl called, magically yanking a plug from an amplifier and ramming it into another socket—then immediately jerking it out again and into a third socket. “I meant here. I want everypony to hear this on the radio; I don't wanna commit arson!” The stallion who had plugged it in the first time seemed unimpressed. So naturally, Octavia thought, she'll try even harder.

“This is important!” At times like this, Vinyl couldn't keep her mouth shut if you paid her, something which Octavia had seriously considered doing on several occasions. “There is no way I am letting bad wiring screw up my first concert with Octy!” The stallion was still uninterested, and got to hoisting the last light. Nice try, Vinyl, but it looks like you can't always grab everypony's attention.

This smug feeling lasted about two seconds, before she realized that she'd been staring at Vinyl's antics and had forgotten about tuning her cello. With yet another exasperated sigh—something she'd long since made a habit of around Vinyl—she got back to work.

“Okay, that's the last of them,” called the head stallion, as the last light was screwed into place.

Vinyl made one last look around, dashed over to the plug she'd been working on, and replugged it into the second socket. “Good! Now I want you all to go.” The head stallion gave her a hard look. “C'mon, we don't have all day. Go into the audience, go watch the show! Tell you what—since you were so helpful, you get half-off.” Another hard look. “I'm kidding, duh—you're admitted free. Seriously, I can handle things back here.”

Octavia seriously doubted that, but the hired stallions eventually conceded defeat, walking out the back of the stage. At last it was quiet. She sighed a third time and got back to tuning.

“So how you doing?” Vinyl yelled as she jumped in front of Octavia. Ah yes. 'Vinyl Scratch' and 'quiet' have never been on speaking terms with each other... insofar as one could be on speaking terms with the concept of quietude. “Feeling nervous?”

“Simply getting ready,” Octavia answered, looking away from Vinyl to tune her cello and fervently hoping she sounded unruffled. “I realize that the concept of being prepared for a show is alien to you, but I like my concerts to go smoothly.”

“Unprepared? Me?” Vinyl put on a blatant show of being indignant, with jaw dropped and everything. “Why, the very idea! I'll have you know I washed my hair for this show!”

“Within the last week, or month?”

“For you, Octy? Yesterday.” Vinyl grinned and, judging by the motion of her head, winked at Octavia. Octavia couldn't see her magenta eyes, but she'd gotten accustomed to Vinyl's exaggerated gestures.

She responded with a quick roll of the eyes and the most deadpan voice she could muster. “Oh, Vinyl, do stop. I fear I may demand that you ravish me with your... incredible standards of hygiene.” Octavia failed to suppressed a giggle.

“Hee hee, that's what I love about you, Tavi.” That grin—doesn't your face ever get tired, Vinyl? “You make the best straight mare.”

“I have to,” Octavia retorted, a smile creeping onto her own lips despite her best efforts. “You're incapable of being the straight mare. In any sense of the word.”

“You've got me right! And I bet you're not worried about tuning your cello anymore!” Vinyl's grin turned mischievous as Octavia realized that she was right: their banter had driven the anxiety from her head. She drew her bow across her cello and realized that it was perfectly in tune.

“I suppose so,” she admitted. “Thank you.” Vinyl's smile grew even wider.

“Listen,” she said, “you're waaaaay too good at this to have any problems on stage. If anything, you should be worried about me! I hardly know where I put that guitar you got me!” Her smile persisted for a moment longer, then turned into a frown of consternation. “Actually, where did I put that guitar?” Octavia rolled her eyes yet again as Vinyl dashed out the back door, though in fact she was a little worried again. You can't have lost it already, can you?

Ten seconds later, Vinyl was back with the electric guitar magically suspended behind her. “Found it! Well, no point waiting—time to start the show!”

“No, wait—” Like that's going to stop her. Vinyl ignored, or didn't hear, Octavia's feeble protest and bounded through the blue curtains.

“Hello, Ponyville!” Vinyl yelled. With her naturally high volume augmented by a microphone, the effect was just about deafening. “Are you ready to ROCK with DJ PON-3?” The crowd roared its approval. “Well, too bad!” she continued. “Because I've brought a cellist!” Now they laughed, and Octavia could imagine her grin as if Vinyl were right in front of her. She groaned. For the love of Celestia... I really do hate her.

“Oh, I know you do.”

Octavia jumped. She didn't recognize that deep voice, but she guessed that the speaker didn't mean her well. And he can read my thoughts... maybe? Maybe it's just a coincidence that he said that right as—

“Right as you were thinking about Vinyl Scratch,” the voice completed. “Oh, it's no coincidence, my little Octavia.” There was a chuckle hidden in those words.

“Who's there?” she called, whipping her head around to see—nopony at all. There were only amplifiers, cables, lights, and the curtain. “Who are you?”

“Eheh-heh-ha-ha-ha... my goodness, you really don't know. Well, if you don't recognize my voice, maybe this will tip you off.” There was a brilliant white flash in front of her, bright enough that she had to cover her eyes. When she looked again, she gasped. Floating in front of her was a creature she'd only seen in storybooks.

He was the ultimate mishmash of creatures. On the left: a griffon's arm, a donkey's leg, a blue pegasus wing and some sort of demon's horn. On the right: a green dragon's leg, manticore's arm, purple bat wing and stag's antler. Completing this asymmetrical picture were a tufted red tail, sleek brown and gray-furred body, and a thin white beard under a dragon's comically grinning face.

It was Discord, the god of chaos and the stuff of nightmares. How can he be back? Octavia looked into the his yellow eyes and saw mirth, and more than a hint of menace—but she turned her head away immediately. She remembered the stories she'd heard: how he hypnotized you to do his bidding by looking through your eyes into your soul.

“Now now, I pride myself on having more creativity than simply forcing others to do what I want,” he replied petulantly. “Allow me to introduce myself. I am Discord, your humble overlord.” He bowed in mock humility. Octavia didn't dare look at him, but cowered in her corner, clutching her cello close to herself like a weapon or a shield.

“Oh, and this pony here,” he added, “is the Doctor. We're very good friends, he and I, so I call him Doc. Say hello, Doc!” Now Octavia had to look. Avoiding Discord's eyes, she turned her head to see a strange sight. There, presented in his manticore hand, was a tan stallion with a wild brown mane and an hourglass cutie mark—a stallion who, despite what Discord had said, didn't seem to like his captor at all.

And he had only one thing to say to her: “Run.” Octavia didn't move. “Get out of here now!” Still she didn't move, unable to make her legs listen to his pleas. “What are you waiting for?” Finally she cast her cello aside and dashed to the back door.

“Give me a break,” Discord yawned. He snapped his griffon fingers, and when Octavia reached the exit, it was locked.

“Open! Up! You! Dumb! Door!” She punctuated each word with a kick to the door, but it refused to budge. She gave up and ran at the curtains, but Discord only grinned and snapped his fingers again. Instead of parting, the curtains stayed firm as a cliff face and knocked her to the floor. There was no way out.

“Vinyl!” She got back to her hooves and pounded the solid curtain. “Discord came back! Run!” But Vinyl didn't hear her—she was still introducing their performance to the crowd.

“Awww, that's cute. You think she cares enough to listen.” Discord cackled and swooped down to her side. “You actually think that... that Vinyl Scratch cares about you!” This was apparently too much: he fell to the floor laughing, dropping the Doctor face-first in the process. “Like you think Vinyl cares about anything besides herself! You can't see that she's just using you to get ahead!” He was in tears by this point, and pulled out an oversized handkerchief to dab at his eyes.

“You're lying!” Octavia knew she needed conviction; she'd always heard that Discord preyed on doubts and fears. Never mind Vinyl's jabs at me, or her questionable musical taste. She's a true friend.

“By the way,” Discord remarked, “I'm loving the internal narration you're doing. It is hilarious!” He laughed again. “Vinyl Scratch, a true friend? The one who belittles you, makes fun of you any chance she gets? The only part of you she cares about is your body... not that I can blame her.” He grinned with delight and scratched her under her chin. Octavia recoiled at the touch. “After all, who'd care for a prissy little pony like you?”

I don't believe it. “She cares about me,” Octavia retorted. But there was that little bit of doubt in her mind.

“Maybe I haven't made myself clear, so let's get back to basics. I'm Discord. If I wanted to, I could tear open your mind and force you to my will with a snap of my fingers.” He stuck his face right into hers, his eyes staring directly into her own. “I don't need to lie.” Octavia saw something strange in his eyes—now they were more than just yellow and red, they were every color of the rainbow all at once, and they were incredible, she couldn't look away, and—

She was angry. Very, very angry.

“And you don't need to lie either, Octy.” Discord folded his arms with a smug little smile on his face. “Go out there and tell her how you really feel.”

That's absolutely right. I'm going to go tell that useless featherbrained waste of space exactly how I feel!

“Leave her alone, Discord!” yelled the Doctor, who had managed to get back to his hooves. “Just let her go!”

“By all means.” Discord threw his hands up and floated away, still smirking. The Doctor approached her.

“Octavia?” he asked. “Are you okay?”

And who the hell do you think you are, idiot? Can't you see that I'm not okay? Octavia kicked the Doctor right in his face and knocked him to the ground.

“Don't you say another damned word!” she yelled at the stunned stallion.

“What? Octavia?” And all he can do is splutter. Shouldn't have expected anything more from a pony that stupid. Octavia turned her back on him and stomped through the curtains that had been impassable seconds earlier. Time to give Vinyl a piece of my mind.

“What did you do?” she heard the Doctor yell at Discord. “What have you done?”

“Oh, Doc... the fun's just beginning. Eheh-heh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

You got that right, she thought.

Vinyl knew how to work a crowd. They laughed when she wanted them to laugh; they cheered when she wanted them to cheer. Just give a few shout-outs to everypony here, and they'll be yelling like... something that yells. Hopefully this'll give Octy enough time to get ready.

Apparently it did the trick. Just as Vinyl finished thanking the lighting crew for being so brilliant—pun intended—Octavia burst through the curtains. Vinyl beamed and decided to cut to the chase. “And without any further ado, please give a warm welcome to my best friend, Octavia!” The crowd cheered again.

“FRIEND?” Octavia bellowed. “You have the gall to call me your FRIEND?”

What. Only now did Vinyl see that Octavia looked furious. She never looks angry! And all of that fury was directed at Vinyl herself. “Uhhhh... yeah, last time I checked we've been friends for months...” Her slight laugh died away as Octavia advanced upon her, even more enraged by her response. What the hay is going on here?

“Get this straight, you absolute imbecile. You are NOT my friend. You have never BEEN my friend, and you will NEVER BE MY FRIEND!” There was absolute silence in the crowd.

“What are you talking about, Octy?” Vinyl retreated to the edge of the stage as Octavia continued to approach.

“Oh, was I being too subtle, you vapid waste of space? Listen up, Vinyl: I've seen right through you. You never cared about me worth a bit, and from the night we met at that fashion show, you've just used me for your own benefit! And you were gonna throw me away when you were done, weren't you? Well, here's some news for you, DJ—I'M DONE WITH YOU!” she yelled right into Vinyl's face. Then, just as suddenly as she had started to advance, Octavia turned and stamped away. “Maybe you can find someone else to put up with that drek you call music, because I never want to see you again in my life!”

Vinyl was almost in tears. “But—but—but... Octy...” She had seconds before Octavia was off the stage and gone, possibly forever. How could she think that about me? “I... I do care. I really care about you so much...”

Octavia snorted. “What a joke.” She didn't pause. She didn't even turn her head. In a few seconds, she was gone. Gone.

All the color drained from Vinyl, but she was too busy sobbing to notice.

Nopony noticed the draconequus floating above them, or the stallion in his hand. Not yet. The Doctor watched the scene unfolding below with wide eyes and gritted teeth. Discord, on the other hand, couldn't have looked more satisfied.

“Isn't it magnificent?” he asked. “All you need to do is just plant one little seed of chaos, and feed it, and nurture it, and look at the payoff! I've really outdone myself here.” He winked at the Doctor as if sharing a joke. “She's sending her old friend over the edge! Almost literally,” he added, as Octavia backed Vinyl to the edge of the stage. “Any moment now... there!”

As Octavia marched away, Vinyl broke down sobbing. The color literally drained from her body; her mane, her coat, and even her goggles turned to gray. The crowd gasped at this transformation; perhaps some of them knew it could mean only one thing.

“And that's my cue!” Discord swooped down to the stage and snatched a microphone, once again dropping the Doctor in the process. “HELLO, EQUESTRIA! Who's ready for a show?”

Total chaos erupted. The assembled ponies screamed and tried to run, but with another snap of Discord's fingers, massive thorny hedges burst from the ground, trapping every pony inside. “So you all remember me. How sweet,” he said in the tone of the perfect MC. “So how is everypony doing tonight?” A few pegasi tried to fly over the wall, only to plummet to the ground when their wings disappeared. This lead to more screaming.

“QUIET!” Discord roared. The mouths of the ponies in the crowd disappeared. “Now, here's a few little factoids for all of you. First of all, for all of you and anypony listening on on the radio, I am Discord, god of chaos and spirit of disharmony. Second, Equestria is now my playground. And finally, don't expect to find any help from your precious pony princesses or the Elements of Harmony—”

The Doctor grabbed the microphone's cord in his teeth and pulled hard, snatching it from Discord's hand. “Everyone listening needs to get away from here right now,” he called into the mike. “Find somewhere safe and hide; you are all in terrible danger!”

Discord rolled his eyes and snatched the Doctor from the stage, holding him by the scruff of the neck. “Listen up, mister—you are quickly becoming a nuisance. Now shut up,” he snarled, baring his teeth, “before I decide that carrying you isn't worth the trouble.”

“Discord, I'm warning you: stop this right now.” The Doctor looked Discord square in the eyes. “Or I swear I'll stop it for you.” There was a ferocity in the Time Lord's whole being, the kind that should have warned Discord to take him seriously. That was the idea, anyway.

Discord burst out laughing—not what the Doctor had hoped for, but then his expectations hadn't been high. “Oh, Doc, how theatrical you can be,” he said, wiping a nonexistent tear from his eye. “But you have turned into an almighty bore, so this is farewell for now. Exit, stage UP!” He threw the Doctor over his shoulder, high into the air and far away. “Break a leg!” he called merrily after the stallion's quickly shrinking form.

“Anyways, everypony, that would be the Doctor,” he continued, scooping the microphone back from the stage. “He's one of my best friends—and just so you know, he's the reason I could be here today! So if you see a brown-coated stallion with a big brown mess of mane on his head and an hourglass cutie mark, give him a big Ponyville welcome from me. And now...” Discord's face grew by a hundred times, and his fangs by a thousand. His huge yellow eyes loomed over the crowd, and his final command was delivered as a harsh guttural roar: “GO AND SPREAD SOME CHAOS!”

The walls around the amphitheater disappeared, and the mouths of the crowd reappeared, just in time for the horde of terrified ponies to run away screaming. They scattered, running back to their homes, trying to keep themselves and their families safe. Discord laughed uproariously at the idea—it would just make twisting their minds that much more gratifying. That Doctor was a fool to think they could save themselves. To think he could stop a god of Chaos.

Speaking of whom... “Now where did he get to?” Discord realized he wasn't quite sure how far he'd thrown the Doctor, and he wasn't too sure he wanted Doc getting up to much trouble. With a groan, he jumped into the air and started searching, consoling himself by leaving chocolate rainclouds as he went.