That Jerk
Chapter 21
“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!?” Screamed Luna, lunging at me as I dropped Celestia on the ground. I dodged her poorly aimed attack and she did a faceplant on the ground.
“I didn’t do anything. In fact, I rescued her from the Changelings.” I was already stripping out of my stealth suit. Thing wasn’t very comfortable.
“Yea right.” She said, getting up. “Like we’re going to believe that.” She rubbed her nose with a hoof. “Right Discord?”
“Actually, I do believe him.”
“WHAT?!”
“Look at him! He’s covered in bits of Changeling and drenched in green blood. What do you call that?”
“I call it....” Luna stopped for a moment. “Well.... I guess you’re right.” Her head drooped a little. “Thank you for rescuing her.” She said under her breath. Her head popped up again. “But you attacked her. You nearly killed her, and without you attempting to strangle her, she wouldn’t be in this mess!”
“Wrong again. Three things wrong. One, you’re a fat bitch pony who can’t see the obvious. Two, they were attempting to use something to disable her magic. Three.... “
“What’s three?”
“I haven’t thought of one yet. Anyways, doesn’t matter. I’ve noticed you two haven’t had any magic. Do you wonder why that is?”
“Well no. I figured Chrysalis did something to us and it would eventually wear off.”
“Ah-HA! There’s number three. They were going to use some sort of purple liquid that they called a ‘neutralizing agent’. Have you noticed anything wrong with your food, drinks, or anything like that?” Luna pondered it for a moment, tapping her chin.
“Now that I think about it yes! The chefs were constantly saying that I should eat all of my food. They clearly specified it, and insisted rather dramatically about it. I figured they were just worried for my health.”
“Alrighty then, that’s our problem. We have Changelings everywhere. I just found the actual hospital staff trussed up in the closet before I came out here. They have probably abducted the kitchen staff as well as the Royal guards. No one is above suspicion, they could be any one of us.”
“So what do you suggest we do then?” Discord chipped in.
“We go about this covertly. These Changelings are experts at peircing our defenses. We’ll start with the few people we trust, and make sure they are real. Tell them about the problem.”
“What next then? Did you even think this through?”
“Nope, but we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”
“Alright. Who do you think we should start with?”
“The only person who knows about my world. Doctor Whooves.”
~~~~~
“Alright, I’m closing the bar doc, you want anything else?”
“No, I’m alright. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Sure thing.” Heavy Shot said as he brought down a metal grate over the bar, and locked the small door. Whistling he walked off while Doctor Whooves went in the opposite direction with a slight stumble. He was walking down the hallway to his room, when a dark shape emerged from behind him. It trailed the stumbling medical practitioner, but in his drunken haze he didn’t notice anything.
The drunken doctor finally reached his room and opened the unlocked door. Barely managing to not trip over his own hooves when he entered the room. Not really putting any effort into closing his door, only pushing on it slightly, he walked in and dropped on his bed. He was so tired, and there was nothing to do. He let sleeps embrace slowly wash over him and right before he nodded off, he could’ve sworn that there was an ominous looking figure sitting in the corner of his room looking at him.
~~~~~
We walked along the hallway to Doctor Whooves’ room, encountering no other ponies due to the late hour. We passed the bar, but it had been closed and no one was attending it.
“Luna who made this place?”
“A group of unicorns a long time ago. It was created to serve as a stronghold during the pony-human wars.”
“How long ago was this?”
Discord spoke this time. “A long time before any of us were alive. A few thousand years maybe. The only reason the stories survived this long, was the efforts of a select few individuals that recorded the war and ensured its survival.”
“Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.” I said, nodding.
“Exactly. But even now, we know very little about the war overall, only it lasted for a few hundred years. The only details that survived the ages were some small facts. In fact, I barely know anything about it. You would have to ask Celestia for more information.
“Don’t count on it,” Luna chipped in. “She didn’t even know of the wars. In fact, I didn’t either until Lyra mentioned them. She was Ponyville’s historian, completely obsessed with the past; although one era particularly interested her.”
“The wars.”
“Exactly. “
“Wait, wait, wait.” Discord stopped, holding his hands up. “You’re telling me that you two didn’t even know about those wars? What do they teach nowadays?”
“Don’t patronize me Discord. We had simply forgotten about them. Remember, they were only regarded as myths for the longest time.”
“Yes, I suppose so. I am older than both of you as well, so I guess I shouldn’t blame you.”
“What else should I know about Equestrian history?” I asked, butting into their little back and forth.
“Nothing really. After the wars we had a larger understanding of Equestrian history, but you have to remember, there was a fairly large gap of time where almost no information survived the ages. For about two hundred years, no information was recorded, except for some small excerpts from various religious groups documenting the rebuilding of their civilization. One of those religious groups worshipped me. Eventually, they went so far as to bring me into being.”
“What’s that mean?”
“I literally didn’t exist. The group was comprised of mostly unicorns that performed a ritual that combined all the parts of the creatures I am made of right now. I was brought to life. At first, I didn’t have any special powers, I was just another living creature. No magic, and I really couldn’t do anything. I’m neither a herbivore or a carnivore, or omnivore. If I eat anything it provides no sustenance.”
“How did you survive?” I was really confused at this point.
“They kept me alive through the use of magic. Eventually after maybe a year, the combined magic of all the different ponies became part of me. It infused into me and I became magically acclimated. I had enough magic in me, that I gained the ability to manipulate magic, but at a cost. The magic I could use consisted mainly of chaos, since it was borne of many different ponies.”
“So, in summary you were created through magic. But because you were created and sustained through so many separate sources, he almost can't help but to spread chaos.”
“Yes.” He answered simply. Luna was looking at Discord with another look. Not one of mistrust, like she usually had upon seeing him, this was something new. I couldn’t exactly tell what it was, but it looked like pity.
“Discord?” She put in.
“Yes Luna?”
“How did you deal with it?”
“With what?”
“The imprisonment. I never put thought into it before, but more than one thousand years without even being able to move should have driven you insane. I know I did when I was on the moon, and I still had control of my faculties.”
“To tell the truth, I did go insane. I pushed myself to madness, eagerly awaiting its embrace because it would be something different than monotonous thinking. Eventually, after a few hundred years, I came back to sanity.”
“You can’t just ‘come back’ to sanity.” I stated.
“Well I did. I was alone for so long without being able to talk, move, or anything. I drove myself to madness by creating a fantasy where I was still in control, where I wasn’t locked up in stone, unable to even breathe. My mind eventually found its way back to reality, and I was forced to accept the situation.”
“The seven stages of denial.” I whispered, more to myself than him.
“What?”
“Before I left the Vault, I was designated the Vault Physiatrist. I didn’t like it, but we all turned out to whatever we had to be for the good of the vault.”
“What’s your point?”
“I’m getting to that. Anyways there are these things called the seven stages of denial. Everybody goes through them, and I think they affected you more severely.”
“What are they?”
“The first is shock and denial. Secondly, pain and guilt; then is anger and bargaining. Depression and loneliness come next. I think that this was the stage you went through when you drove yourself insane.”
“Maybe, what happens next?”
“The upward turn, working through it, and acceptance and hope. I believe you were stuck in the depression stage for a very long time and eventually, your mind coming back to reality was your mind pulling through it. It probably no longer saw the need for a false reality. I don’t think you reached the last stage until there was a chance you could be free though.”
“You are really good at something you didn’t like.”
“Not like I had much of a choice.” I declared angrily. “Anyways what happened after you got your magic?”
“I started causing chaos everywhere, but I used it for good. I eventually got dreams of grandeur and after a long while, I took over. I became a merciless dictator. My empire was growing larger and larger as the years progressed, and I eventually needed generals and people or ponies I could trust. So I ended up creating more immortal beings like me, only they were ponies. I created them so they could relate to them and run my empire more efficiently.”
“Let me guess, they rebelled?”
“Yes, and they succeeded. I was imprisoned in stone by Celestia and Luna as they used the Elements of Harmony on me.”
“Who were these generals of yours? They must be still alive if they were immortal.” Luna coughed into her hoof and she nudged her head upward for a moment. I finally got the hint.
“You gotta be fucking kidding me.”
“No, I’m afraid not John. It was me and Celestia that he created. He made Celestia first, and then me.”
“By ‘made you’ does that mean you are related?”
“Yes,” Answered Discord. “I had to give my own flesh to create another immortal.”
“That explains a lot actually.”
“Yes it does. We served Discord for the longest time, maybe a hundred years. Eventually, we saw the way the country was going and we rebelled. The war lasted fifty years, but we created the Elements of Harmony and defeated Discord.”
“This place has a lot of violent history.”
“Yes, our country was born in bloodshed. Most ponies forget that after the longest time.” Luna shook her head. “But it is imperative that the news that we were created by Discord or that we are related to him doesn't become common knowledge. The effects could be devastating.”
“Luna, you and I both know, keeping people in the dark is never good. It always comes back and bites you in the ass. People will find out one way or another eventually.” She let out a sigh.
“Yes I know, but there’s nothing else we could do. Do you expect us to just come out and tell the populous? It would be as disastrous as if they found out on their own!”
“I’m not saying that you should tell, but don’t make a habit of keeping deep, dark secrets.”
“I would never.” Throughout this whole conversation, I had been holding Celestia over my shoulder, and she had yet to wake up. I tossed her onto the ground. I smacked her cheek a little.
“Hey. Hey, sleeping beauty wake up.” No response. “Hmmmm. Discord, you got any way to wake her up, I think they put a sleep spell on her.”
“I can flood her system with chaos magic.”
“How would that help?”
“It would act like a defibrillator on a dead heart.”
“Jolting it awake?” He nodded. “Do it, we need her awake for this.” Nodding again, Discord put his hands on her chest and his hands started glowing for a brief second. The glow disappeared almost right away, but Celestia made no movement for another minute.
Then, without any warning whatsoever, she breathed in a very deep breath and shot upward, hitting Discord in the process. He fell over onto the ground clutching his stomach, wincing. Meanwhile, Celestia was doing her best to not flip out, and it looked like she wasn’t having much success. Luna ran over to her sister and ran a hoof through her billowy mane and eventually Celestia’s breathing returned to normal and began to examine her surroundings.
“Where am I?” She asked in confusion, and when she saw me, her eyes widened and without a seconds hesitation, her horn glowed for a split second and she slammed me into the wall. The force of the impact was so strong, my arm broke. Pretty damn hard with these metal bones.
“CELESTIA!” Shouted Luna, who pulled her down into a sitting position and Celestia’s magic hold on me diminished. I fell to the ground clutching my arm.
“S-s-stop him. He’s moving towards me!!” She shouted and began to scramble backwards, ignoring her newly re-gained magic.
“Yes, I am, and it’s because I wanted to apologize.” I grasped my arm and snapped the bone back in place. “You got anything for a sling?” By this time, Discord had recovered, and obliged my request. A sling made out of cotton candy appeared and I slipped my arm into it.
“Y-you want to apologize?” She was shakily getting back on her hooves with the aid of her sister.
“Yes, but I’m apologizing for me almost killing you, not for my actual actions.”
“What’s that mean?”
“You deserved it, but I admit I went a little over the top.”
“A LITTLE!?” She was angry now. “YOU NEARLY KILLED ME!! YOU CALL THAT A LITTLE BIT OVER THE TOP?!” She picked me up with her magic, holding me by the throat cutting of my airflow, but I didn’t panic. I knew that would only make things worse, so I let my body go limp to save oxygen.
“HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?! YOU NEARLY KILLED ME, NOW I’M GOING TO DO IT TO YOU!” Her grip on my throat tightened, and I felt a pang of panic. I could outlast her if it came to holding my breath, but I didn’t really take into account my neck being crushed. Luna and Discord made no moves to assist me or to stop Celestia. I reached into my pack and pulled out a small bag of bottlecaps. I threw the things at her, but it had no serious effect.
Reaching in again, hoping to find my salvation, I found my pistol. Pulling it out and aiming it at her, I used V.A.T.S. and used it to shoot a bullet 5 inches above her head, barely missing her horn. As the small bullet whizzed by her horn, she blanched a bit in shock and dropped me. I inhaled rapidly, taking in the precious air should she do it again.
“I still regret nothing. I apologized for my trying to strangle you, but you still deserved it. But can we drop it now?”
“Why should we do that?”
“Because Doctor Whooves is standing right behind you, and he doesn’t look an awful lot like himself.” Celestia slowly turned around and spied him glaring at us.
I smiled. “Hey there doc, how’s it going?”