//------------------------------// // Dawn of a New Day // Story: MLP-Twilight's Journey // by Tigerarrow //------------------------------// When Twilight opened her eyes, it was dark. For a brief hazy moment, she drifted in a sea of semi consciousness and wondered if it had all been a dream, a last mercy from a body dying of cold. Memory came back slowly thunderous snoring filling her ears as if from far away and she awoke fully blinking owlishly. Rolling over she mewed softly when rough claws bit into her side. Twisting, she looked down to see Spike curled into a small purple ball in the small of her back, his claws clutching her fur as he muttered to himself pulling her closer sleepily. She blinked dully, her brain still processing the fact that despite everything she’d gone through she was somehow still alive. She didn’t know how she felt about that. She shook her head, purple ears flopping before glancing around her surroundings. She was in the library’s bedroom, sheets crumbled around her hooves and a small light glowing dimly on the nightstand. Bandages were wrapped around her horn and ribs with a small bowl of green tinted liquid sitting on the floor with a washcloth inside. Barely gleamed in the dark were her five new friends, all sleeping in various uncomfortable looking positions around the room. Rainbow was the one snoring. She blinked again, eyes softening as she watched them sleep. These fillies had gone through hell with her and somehow, they’d all come out on the other side. Come out as..friends. Twilight curled her tail around Spike and laid her head down, content to simply watch them sleep. She’d never had friends before. “You’re awake.” She nearly jumped at the soft voice, twisting around till she saw Celestia, eyes glowing like mini suns, curled up in the far corner. Squinting she could just barely make out a hint of Luna’s light blue coat hidden under the larger alicorns wing. “How long was I asleep?” she asked softly, testing her limbs while dismissing her previous thoughts. She had faced a dark goddess and survived. She was still trying to decide if it was a good thing or not. “Twenty-four hours. All spend laying there with barely a twitch” Her lips quirked with mocking amusement. “You missed Pinkie’s “We saved the world and Princess Luna not evil anymore!” Party.” Twilight rolled her eyes but was surprised to find she did feel slightly bad for having missed the party. She still had no desire to interact with other ponies, but she still would have gone if for no other reason than she didn’t want Pinkie to be upset with her. Before she could exam the unknown feeling Celestia cleared her throat. “Twilight..” she said and paused looking more uncertain then Twilight had ever seen her. “How are you feeling?” she finished lamely ears flat. Twilight didn’t notice as she lit her horn testing her magic. “A little sore but mostly ok.” “That’s good.” Celestia whispered looking away, her tail lashing slightly. “That’s very good.” A heavy silence fell over the room, weighed down with things left unsaid. Finally, Celestia took a deep breath and looked up. “Twilight can we..talk?” she asked softly. Twilight tensed but slowly forced herself to relax. “About what?” she said lowly, looking away. “There nothing to talk about.” Her tail lashed once before she forced it to go still. Celestia jaw tensed, her glaze boring into the filly’s turned head. “You must have questions.” She took a deep breath. “And I have much to answer for. For one I know it was you who sent me the letter about Nightmare Moon’s return not Trixie. I-“ “Are you gonna lecture me about that?! It all worked out, so it doesn’t matter. You should just forget about it. I was right anyway.” Twilight interrupted harshly. A fire had lit in her chest, hot and burning, making her temper sharp. She grit her teeth trying to push it down and gain some control. A flash of temper lit though violet eyes but was gone just as fast. The white alicorn sighed, her hold body seeming to sag inward like it was pressed upon by some unimaginable weight. “Twilight please.” She stood slowly giving Luna a little nuzzle when the blue filly whined at the loss of her heat. Tip toeing around the sleeping fillies she beckoned Twilight with a wing. “Come, walk with me.” Twilight frowned, sighed but eventually hoped off the bed and followed her outside. ****************************************************************************** They were walking under an unscared Moon in a town that had long ago gone quiet, and they weren’t talking. Twilight lifted her eyes only briefly catching a glimpse of the rainbow tail flowing in front of her. She had lagged behind unable to keep up with the alicorn longer strides and the distance between them only seemed to grow with the silence. “You know I have played this conversation over and over again in my head for months.” Celestia said suddenly breaking the still air as she slowed her pace to walk beside her student. Twilight met her eyes in surprise, and she gave her a weak smile. “Every word, every argument, every..” her head dipped, and she sighed sadly. “Excuse.” Twilight watched her feeling a sudden spark of irritation as the soft words washed over her. She’d felt.. strange since she’d woken up. Raw and exposed like never before her emotions balancing on a razor-sharp edge that threatened to overwhelm her. She shook her head trying to push the rolling wave back down into cage they’d come from before focusing on the downtrodden alicorn. She’d associated many things with her mentor but valuable had never been one of them. But in this moment no other word could fit as solar alicorn lacked any of her normal confidence and grace. She had even forgone her regalia, the marks of royalty no longer available for her to hide behind. “What did you want to say?” she asked softly trying to tamper her feelings. “Nothing that shouldn’t have been said long ago.” Celestia took another deep breath, looked over and down meeting the foal eyes head on. “Before anything else is said Twilight I don’t want you to think this is only because you returned my sister to me. That is a gift I will never be able to replay you for but this…this is long overdue.” “What?” Twilight interrupted sharply, the strange irritation igniting into anger in her chest. She didn’t know this valuable Celestia, the one who looked at her with sad eyes and talked in a small trembling voice, but she knew it was wrong. Twilight’s relationship with her mentor was unstable, enraging and if somepony paid close enough attention they may even call it toxic, but it was also predictable. In four years, they had fallen into a vicious cycle of hurting each other but even at their worst somewhere deep inside Twilight took twisted comfort from knowing where they stood. Now things were different, Celestia was different. The normally proud and distant alicorn was humbled before her, head hanging low and large body seeming so very small. She felt that strange anger bubble up as she watched her. Emotions twisting and churning like waves slamming against a rock. The high of the elements rapture had worn off leaving her lost, shaken and scrambling for familiar ground. The dam of her emotion had worn away allowing things once buried to surge to the surface. Her breath caught, her heart speeding up as she watched Celestia struggle for words. Hearing her sounding so meek and sorry and pathetic was pissing her off in ways she couldn’t understand, didn’t want to understand. Feeling put out of her element Twilight did was she always did when she’d lost her balance. She attacked. “Are you finally gonna get rid of me now that I got your precious sister back for you. Use and shove me aside again!” She snarled, pain and insecurity were choking her and she forged them into her weapons of attack. Celestia, startled, looked wide eyed. “Twilight that’s-!” “I’m not stupid! I know you wanted Trixie to face the Nightmare are you gonna punish me because I messed up your stupid plan for that two-bit magician. Afraid of what everypony will think when they find out your pet monster had to clean up your mistakes!?” Emotion swirled in her chest pounded in her ears like a roaring wave. She didn’t know where this anger came from, the words surging up from some dark ugly part of her, but she took them gladly. Wrapped the anger around her like a shield and forged her pain into a sharpened blade meant to stab and hurt. “Or where you waiting for this all this time! Maybe you wanted me to go after Nightmare why else would you have dumped me off here! Did you want her to kill me so you could finally get rid of me and playhouse with your stupid real student!” “Twilight that enough I would never-!” Celestia started furiously, her own temper starting to flare. Twilight fed off her anger, used it to fan the flames of her own. “Yes you would! You think I don’t know you don’t want me, that you think of me as a problem you need to fix! Why don’t you save yourself the headache and send me to the moon now that there a spot open or where you gonna throw your sister back into the sky once nopony was looking!” she screamed. Celestia face twisted in rage, glowing flame jumping to life around her horn. The temperature spiked and Twilight flinched even as she steeled herself. This is how it was meant to be, how it always went. The words she’d thrown out had been new, but the results were all the same. Them screaming at each other or Celestia yelling at a filly who had long ago tuned her out. A small grim smile quirked her lips as she felt the heat of Celestia’s rage scorch her coat. A loud stomp suddenly broke through her petty triumph, Twilight looking down to see a large molten crater formed by gold covered hoofs. Celestia’s eyes were shut tight, teeth gritted as she took a deep breath. “No, not this time not tonight.” She stomped again, harder, forcing back the raging emotion that she had let run wild for far too long. She opened her eyes and the emotion swimming within her dark glaze straggled her. Sadness, rage, fear but most of all a deep well of shame. “I’m sorry Twilight.” She said softly breaking eye contact and looking at the ground. Twilight fell to her haunches the wind knocked out of her sails by the terrible sadness in her voice. She wanted to rally to put things back on familiar ground, but Celestia silenced her with a single look. “Please Twilight just..let me talk.” Twilight swallowed thickly, her ears pining back but eventually she nodded. Celestia closed her eyes taking another deep breath. “Thank you.” She breathed sinking down beside the filly. They were quiet for a time, but eventually Celestia sighed and looked at the sky, at the unscared moon. “I tell myself I have an excuse.” she muttered quietly. “A thousand years waiting for one moment, one chance and on the most longed for day of my life everything would be..worth it. Every manipulation, every excuse, every..mistake. I would have her back and then I could just fix everything that no matter what it was all justified.” Her eyes closed; face twisted in pain. “But it’s just that an excuse.” She gave a mirthless chuckle “Excuses are nice aren’t they? They help you not think about things too closely, make wrong into right and turn a mare into a monster who takes her pain out on a too small filly with an attitude.” Twilight snorted looking away and Celestia smiled bitterly. “You deserve the truth Twilight not some sugar-coated fairy tale made to make me look good. You owed that and more.” She couldn’t look at her, not as she bared the ugly truth of her soul. “And here is the truth. A thousand years ago my sister gave into her jealousy and loneliness and became Nightmare Moon. I used the elements to banish her to the moon and for a thousand years after every second, every moment of my life was spent working to get her back. I knew only the elements would be able to free her from her madness, but they wouldn’t heed my call after what I’d done so I had to find new bearers.” Her voice was soft, eyes distant and downcast but Twilight couldn’t help but feel something was wrong. Her jaw clenched as she kept listening. “Trixie was my magic, the one who would draw the other element to her and who I planned to use to free my sister. She became my student when she was six years old and in the last fifteen years I’ve trained her with one goal in mind, bringing Luna back to me. I poured into her everything I knew, all my hope, everything. The time of Nightmare’s return was coming fast, and I was out of option out of time. I was desperate for this to work and then..” she broke off looked back in time to the moment seared in her mind forever. “Then a filly with more power in her small body then any unicorn I’d seen in centuries demolished half my school and grew a dragon through the roof.” She stared at the ground blankly and any loathing in her glaze was directed only at herself. “A filly with power and no control. Nopony in Equestia could tame that power nopony but me, you needed me and I...didn’t want that problem.” Her eyes closed as the shame welled, threatened to engulf her. Twilight had been more powerful than anything she’d ever seen but she was also uncontrollable, temperamental, and needing more care and guidance than she’d been willing to give with her sisters return so close. “You know the rest.” She whispered, unable to say more. Twilight had needed her more than anypony, but she couldn’t spare the time, not when Trixie still wasn’t ready and there was so little time left. In the end she’d chosen her sister and set her hoofs firmly on the path of their destruction. She took Twilight on as a student in name only, sealed the bulk of her powers and pacified her with half-hearted lesson while the bulk of her attention had been given to preparing Trixie. She shuddered, the guilt of her actions burning her to the core. “I’m sorry Twilight so so sorry. The way I neglected you is inexcusable but please..” she looked at the filly pleadingly, her wing trembling. “Could your ever find it in your heart to forgive me.” Twilight stared at her blankly feeling nothing as the alicorn gave her a hopeful half smile. She felt numb, almost dead, the words sinking into her skin to burn like acid as years of pain flashed before her eyes. The rage came hard and fast. “Sorry!? You’re sorry! You treated me like a second-class citizen for the last four years because you wanted your stupid psycho sister back!” Twilight roared refusing to acknowledge the anger tears in her eyes. “You never gave me the time of day! You pushed me aside every time I needed you and whatever drop of attention you gave it was only so you could yell at me! And what do you want me to just get over it!? Just forgive you like the last four years of my miserable life never happened because of some sob story!” “Twilight please I’m sor-“ “No” the filly screamed; horn blazing as crushed violet eyes bore into sorrowful violet. “This time you listen! You were never there! Even when you gave me your half-baked lessons you were never fully there, your mind was always somewhere else! And you didn’t even try to hide it! The only time you ever truly saw me was when you were yelling at me! Did you even think it was strange how many buildings I blow up or how much trouble I got into when you left me alone!? Getting in trouble was the only way you’d even look at me! The only time I ever had your eyes was when I messed up and you were screaming at me!” Great billowing sobs echoed around them, the filly crying so hard it hurt. “Is that supposed to all go away now! Do you want me to feel bad for you! Oh pour Celestia she misses her sister so much let me sit in a corner and rot so I don’t get in the way of her precious plan that she never even told anypony about!” She screamed shrilly, her voice cracking with her pain. Celestia looked shattered, her eyes streaming tears as she tried to reach out. “Twilight please I never meant to hurt you..” Twilight slapped her hoof away. “But you did! Over and over and over but it’s worth it right?! Cause you got your sister back and I’m supposed to be the good little filly who should be happy with whatever scrap of an apology you throw my way and everything is supposed to be all better now! Like nothing ever happened, like you never hurt me at all.” She was crying so hard she could barely breathe but still the words came screaming into the night. Pulled from some deep, jagged pit of pain that had only grown deeper with every sharp word, and heartbreaking rejection. “You’re not even really sorry you just feel guilty cause your failure of a student brought your sister back when you thought she was just a waste of space!” Celestia reared back as if she’d been slapped, her face a mask of agony and Twilight couldn’t even find it within herself to care. Not when her heart was screaming. “I hate you! You stupid, stuck up, selfish BITCH!” unable to stand it anymore Twilight broke with sob, galloping off into the night. When Celestia finally caught up with her the filly was hidden under bushes and branches on the far reaches of town. Her purple coat blended into the dark night and the white mare only found her by following the sounds of the muffled sobs. Celestia stopped just outside of the shaking greenery, her breath heaving and traces of froth damping her coat. She didn’t speak, not at first, she just stood there catching her breath, her ears filled with the sound of a filly’s heart breaking. “You’re right.” she said dully. Twilight didn’t react to her words, just curled tighter. “I didn’t see you; I didn’t even try to look. I was so busy looking forward that I never saw you tugging at my hooves. Twilight please..” The filly let out a hollow sob burying her face in her hooves. “I was so happy.” She mumbled, pain and fatigue birthing long hidden words into the night. “I hadn’t been so happy in a long time. I was gonna learn magic, I was gonna be your student, but you just pushed me away. “ She remembered starkly what should have been the happiest day of her life. The earning of her cutie mark. Celestia claiming her as her student. Leaving her good for nothing family to live in the castle. Caring for Spike. She buried herself deeper as the memories turned dark. Celestia sealing her magic till she could barely feel the violent swirl within her. Trixie’s arrogance and disdain. Celestia’s coldness and indifferent neglect. Hours spent all alone. “I just wanted you to want me.” She whispered. Celestia choked feeling her heart shatter at the quiet words. She fell heavily to her haunches and kept on going till her belly hit the ground. “I couldn’t!” she cried harshly, and the words were wretched from her chest. “Not with Luna gone, not when I was so close! I couldn't see your pain because I was too busy drowning in my own.” Her own grief overwhelmed her, the shame so deep she felt, it like a physical weight in her chest. For a thousand years she had lived waiting for Luna’s return. When Twilight had come into her life, she had only four years left and everything had been going wrong. Trixie wasn’t even close to ready; she had exhausted every other lead and every option and had been no closer to finding her magic than when she started. Her time was running out and she was desperate. Her one chance to bring her sister back was going to fail before it could even start, and she had been all but losing her mind at the thought. Then Twilight had dropped into her life like a bomb. Even sealed her magic was formidable, her temper legendary. Her tantrum destroyed buildings; her sharp tongues ruined relationships that Celestia had to desperately fix. She was unruly, she was powerful, she was unmanageable, she..she She needed her. Twilight needed time, attention and instruction and Celestia…just wanted her sister. She hadn’t been able to give Twilight what she needed and in her heart of hearts she knew she didn’t want too. Ripping away the denial and taking a true hard look at herself the guilt almost destroyed her. She had resented the child. Had seen her as an unwanted burden thrust upon her when she needed to focus the most. She hadn’t been kind, hadn’t been patient and Twilight temperamental attitude had only rubbed against already raw and bleeding nerves. She’d know she was wrong on some deep level not filled with anger and bitterness. Twilight was a filly, a child no matter how she acted, and she should have taken care of her, but she just couldn’t. Not then when everything felt so fragile and what she wanted most had seemed to be slipping through her hooves. Her guilt had built over the years, ruthlessly shoved down under desperate denial and justification as she convinced herself that it all would be worth it in the end, that she could fix it. Luna would be returned to her and when it was all over, she would apologize. Give Twilight everything she should have from the start, and they could start fresh. Bile rose in her throat, her selfishness and cruelty disgusting her. Twilight had every right to hate her. She had used and abused this brokenhearted filly all for her own selfish desire and then had the nerves to ask for forgiveness expecting her to sweep it all under the rug just to ease her aching conscious. Truly her arrogance knew no bounds. “I can’t say sorry.” She whispered lowly. “Sorry is just a word. Sorry won’t do anything. It won’t turn back time. It won’t dry any tear you shed or stop the pain in your heart.” She swallowed; her eyes shattered. “I hurt you over and over again. I used my pain as an excuse and became the monster in your nightmares.” Unseen Twilight stiffened and repressed a shiver. “I can’t apology, I can’t even beg cause no amount of pleading will be enough to undo the damage I’ve done to you.” She closed her eyes. “And in the end there just useless words to make me feel better and you deserve so much more.” She whispered softly. Her head dipped, pressed into the ground as she dug her face into the dirt. “Please I can’t ask you to forgive me, it was selfish of me to even try, but please let me make this right, let me be the mentor you deserve. Let me make myself worthy in your eyes.” “You’re only saying that cause I brought back your sister.” Twight sniffed wiping her eyes. “No!” Celestia declared and her eyes were fierce. “If you had done nothing but sit and watch the world burn, I would still be here begging your forgiveness.” She pressed herself as low to the ground as she could peeking under the bush till she found the trembling purple form. “If you never forgive me, it will be more than I deserve. If you hate me forever, I’ll bare it gladly but please just this once let me come through for you, the way that I should have from the beginning.” Twilight sniffed keeping herself turned away from her mentor pleading. Her emotions were a jumbled mess, anger, sadness and fear tearing at her heart and clouding her mind. The angry part of her urged her to reject Celestia just as the alicorn had rejected her for so long but another part, the one who had found joy watching the solar goddess raise the sun longed to bury herself in her arms. The tangle of emotion had her once again wanting to strike out, but she didn’t even have the energy to do that. She didn’t have the energy for anything, she was so tried… And did it even really matter what she thought? In the end Celestia was her guardian she had all the power, and everything would be as she said while Twilight had- Nothing, she had nothing, she was weak and powerless and always, always so helpless.. She shivered, buried the thoughts deep behind newly build walls and slowly crawled out of the bushes. Pushing her head through the last few leaves she beheld her fallen mentor. Celestia looked nothing like the proud princess of the sun. Her coat was stained with mud, her eyes blotchy and red from tears while her make-up made dark runny trails down her face. Her wings were sprawled and disheveled even her mane had stopped flowing, the now pink hair laying like a tangled mop across her back. Dimly seeing the solar goddess look as wretched as she felt soothed some injured part of her and helped give her the courage to close the last few inches. “No more yelling.” she said with a small glare. Celestia lifted her head nodding slowly. “I promise.” She swore seriously. “And, and you have to teach me magic, real magic.” Another nod. “Even if I blow stuff up or cause the air to explode like that one time that totally wasn’t my fault.” This nod took a little longer and was a little less sure. “And you have to promise.” She whispered softly, eyes dim. “Promise no matter what you won’t..you won’t throw me away.” “Oh Twilight never!” Celestia pulled herself up hesitated before trembling wings reached out pulling the filly into her hoofs. Twilight closed her eyes, felt herself encased in feathered warmth and snuggled into the alicorn’s belly, her warmth sinking into her skin. “I can’t change the past.” Celestia whispered her head coming down to rest on the filly’s back. “But I’ll make the future better. I promise.” Twilight didn’t say anything, just snuggled closer and somewhere deep inside the flame still burned. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ “We will be leaving for Canterlot a little after dawn.” Celestia said quietly swiping her tongue across Twilight face. The emotional mild storm had left them exhausted, both filly and mare had collapsed where they stood. Celestia pulled Twilight into the crook of her wing and set to giving her a thorough grooming ignoring her own disheveled state. “Luna will need time to get settled especially as I’d like to introduce her to the public as soon as possible to start getting them use to the Diarchy being whole again.” Another firm lick which slicked her mane upward and a sign. “We also will need to deal with the fallout from almost two days of nights. I promise I will not repeat the mistakes of the past, but I will be quite busy for a time as we iron everything out, so I ask that you give me some time for things to settle down.” Twilight nodded weakly too tried to protest, closing her eyes as Celestia tongue licked at the nape of her neck. She was halfway to sleep when something Celestia said gave her pause. “We?” she asked warily, a feeling of dread clutching her heart. Celestia paused, giving her an odd look. “Yes.” She said resuming her grooming. “I have already spoken to Trixie as well as the mayor. Nightmare Moon has been dispelled and my sister returned to me. It is time for all of us go home.” Twilight grew quiet brooding under Celestia attention and the white alicorn noticed. Pulling back, she gave her a small knowing smile. “What’s the matter my little one. The day has been saved and the air between us cleared. Things will also be much different once we go back to Canterlot aren’t you happy.” Twilight looked down shuffling her hooves feeling horribly, terribly vulnerable under though purple eyes but for once she pressed through her instinctive desire to cover the emotion with anger. “Yes I am but..” her ears pressed against her head and she turned to bury her face in Celestia chest. “I made friends.” She whispered, “And I don’t want to leave them.” Celestia smiled huffing out a laugh as she gave the filly two quick licks across the ears. “And you won’t have too.” She said warmly “As much as I would love for you to come back with me to the castle I think a little bit of..space would do us both good. To help get us get a fresh start to things.” Twilight mulled this over and decided her teacher was right. The castle and Canterlot held nothing but bad memories for both of them. Relocating to Ponyville would give them a fresh environment to start over. “But what about my lessons? You said you weren’t gonna leave me! You promised-?!” “And I won’t.” Celestia interrupted her panic with a soft nuzzle. “Give me a month or so to get Luna and everything in Canterlot settled then I will be coming down here five times a week to continue your education and to check up on you.” And before Twilight could celebrate any form of freedom “But as a young filly cannot live alone, I will be assigning you a temporary guardian to take care of you when I’m not here.” Twilight immediately scowled. “Seriously a babysitter? I’m fourteen not five I can take care of myself!” “I’m sure you can but it would put this old mare heart at ease to know somepony would be here for you if something happened. Just in case.” she said soothingly, not wanting to fight. Twilight still scowled but decided not to argue, she was getting a lot after all. Celestia smiled and gave her another few licks under the chin before declaring her done. “Now I would like to give you an assignment. I want you to spend time with your new friends and discover more about the magic of friendship. You will write to me about your finding from your new home in Ponyville.” Twilight gave a small smile her chest filling with warmth at the thought of staying with her new friends and Celestia nuzzled her. It was a heartwarming moment, the sunlight coming out at the end of a storm. And Twilight ruined it immediately. “Wait you want me to write to you about friendship? That’s stupid I’m not doing it.” “Twilight..” “Is that even a real subject, there no way that’s real because its dumb.” “Twilight.” “Seriously I’m not doing that.”