//------------------------------// // An Unstoppable Force // Story: Lightening the Load // by Silent Bob //------------------------------// "What, you mean you've never heard of me? You don't know who you're dealing with?!" The brown stallion took a dramatic trot forward. "I AM THE DOCTOR." "Doctor?! Ditzy?! What in Equestr- er the Hanging Islands are you doing here?" Pinkie asked, her eyes bulging wide. "Hold that thought my bubblegum colored friend!" the Doctor said before turning to bubble-flanked mare with a wide, enthusiastic grin. "Ditzy, hit up our theme song!" "You mean play your theme song..." she groaned in annoyance. The Doctor gave her a pleading smile. "Please Ditzy... for me?" "Fine," she sighed, before pulling out a small, rectangular device out of a hidden cloak pocket. With that, she began to fiddle with the device with her hooves, gaining awkward stares from the whole group. "Hang on... this thing isn't met for hooves," she said, shooting the Doctor a glare as she stuck a tongue out the corner of her mouth in concentration. Another awkward few seconds later... "Ah, there we go, stupid thing...." A song then began to play out of a miniature speaker on the back of the device. "Yeeeees! Now we are in business!" the Doctor declared. Ditzy, rolled her eyes at that before glancing towards Chrysalis and the group. "I'm really sorry about this, we haven't been saving the world as much lately so the Doctor's been trying to find ways to keep his massive ego in check..." "What?!" the Doctor said. "No I haven't!" "Uh huh... wanna tell them about the Pandorica? You sure made a good show out of it at the party two days ago!" "Oh no," the Doctor growled, stamping a hoof. "Let's not get into that!" "Here comes the story...." Chrysalis groaned. In Applejack's crowded barn, the Doctor stood with Ditzy in front of a group of mares. "So there I was, the Pandorica in my grasp, my hearts thumping like no tomorrow!" the Doctor said dramatically. "And above me were a thousand ships, spaceships, filled with all sorts of nasty creatures just ready to take it away from me; Daleks, Cybermen, you name it!" "Woaaaah!" "Spaceships!? That's so awesome!" Fluttershy however, gazed at him with utter-most confusion. "Um... Doctor... if you don't mind me asking.... what's a Dalek?" The Doctor thought for a moment. "A Dalek is...." He paused, thinking a bit more. "It's a really nasty creature of pure hate that lives inside of a..." He put on a comical grin. "A giant pepper shaker?" The mares laughed at that, all except Ditzy. "Doctor, how do you make up such crazy stuff!?" Rainbow Dash asked. The Doctor narrowed his eyes. "Trust me, I'm not joking! And they're scarier than they sound!" Rainbow Dash smirked. "Giant pepper shakers? What could they do, make you sneeze to death?" The group chuckled. Ditzy shook her head. "The Doctor's right, though, I've seen one myself! They're pretty much robots equipped with death-rays!" A few gasps of horror could be heard. The Doctor smiled at that. "Anyway, so I knew I had to do something to distract them while I figured out a way to open the Pandorica, so do you wanna know what I did?!" "Heck yeah!" "Keep going, Doctor!" "What'd you do?! What'd you do?! Tell me, tell me, tell me!!!!" Pinkie beamed, bouncing. "I whipped out my sonic screwdriver," the Doctor said, actually doing so in the present and turning on the device, it emitting a strange whir, everpony gazing at it with fascination. "Put it on microphone mode, stood atop a slab of rock and called into the heavens, 'Helllllooooooo Stone Henge. My lord, I've drawn quite a crowd, and I know why! Whoever takes the Pandorica takes the universe, but bad news everyone, because guess who's here!'" The Doctor giggled stupidly with a smile. "It was me. I was there. Anyway, so then I said, 'So, if any of you have any plans on taking the Pandorica, TONIGHT, just remember who's standing in your way! Remember every black day I've ever beaten you, and then... AND THEN!'" the Doctor cried, slamming a dramatic hoof on the ground. "'Do the smart thing, and let somebody else try first!' And get this: they all turned and ran!" The mares let out a series of cheers at that. The Doctor then puffed out his chest towards and through the mares a smirk. "Well, we can't all be Time Lords now can we?" Pinkie giggled as Sarius slowly shook his head at the end of the tale. "I was drunk!" the Doctor pouted. "After one mug of apple cider?" The Doctor shot her a look. "W-Well, you were getting into the story too, you know!" "Yeah, until you started getting all full of yourself! And you never did tell them what happened after your dramatic speech." With that, the Queen of the Swarm could take no more. "Enough! What are you two, married or something?!" The two went wide-eyed, glanced at each other, and then looked back towards Chrysalis before saying in unison, "W-What!? No! Of course not!" "Heh, not yet they aren't," Sarius grinned. Chrysalis raised an eyebrow at that, before calming herself enough to realize the two were practically saturating each other with bubbles of love. She couldn't help but shake her head incredulously at this. What was it with some ponies and not being able to admit their feelings to each other? It sure hadn't taken Shining Armor long for him to do that with her... with a little mind control... and possibly a love potion... and a box of chocolat- Bah! That wasn't the point! The Doctor let out an enthusiastic chuckle. "Oh aren't you a funny Guardian-Drone? You really know how to pull a pony's hoof, don't you?" "Yeah, I didn't think changelings had a sense of humor!" Ditzy beamed, giggling as well. Sarius merely rolled his eyes at that. "Whatever, the last thing I want to be called is 'Cupid', anyway." With that, he turned away from them and muttered, "why doesn't anyone ever laugh when I make an actual joke?" "I will!" Pinkie bounced with a joyous smile. "I thought the one about me replacing Chrysalis with a clone or whatever was funny!" With that, Sarius smiled warmly at her. "Thank you, Pinkie. I wish more food- I mean ponies were like you." "Anyway, how did you all like the cloaks?" the Doctor asked. "I thought they were uh... pretty cool..." Pinkie said with a false smile of reassurance. "Well, we don't want to hurt your feelings or anything..." Sarius said raising a hoof. One of the random guards with blue, custom stylish armor grinned sheepishly. "But they were just a bit over the top. Cloaks are so out of style this season." He then nodded at the Doctor with a slight smile. "What you need is a neat little suit with a nice little brown tie." The Doctor nodded in agreement with a smile while the rest of the guard's accomplices gazed at their fashion-trendy cohort suspiciously. "What?!" he said, the heat having fallen upon him. "It helps with undercover operations to know a bit of fashion!" "You're a defensive drone. You don't go on undercover operations," another guard pointed out while narrowing an eyebrow. "Fine! Can't a ling have a hobby? Jeez!" he pouted. With that, Ditzy turned to the Doctor with an annoyed expression. "See! I told you they'd think the cloaks were a bad idea! But nooo, nopony ever listens to Ditzy because her derpy eyes make her look dumb!" She promptly pointed at them. "They do not make you look dumb!" the Doctor argued. Ditzy narrowed them. "Then how do they make me look?" The Doctor simpered at that. "They uh... make you look...." He glanced about the room as if looking for help. "Adorable?" Pinkie finished for him, smiling. "Yes!" the Doctor said, clapping his hooves together in triumph before turning back to Ditzy. "They make you look adorable!" The derpy eyed mare was not amused. "Nice save..." she growled sarcastically. The Doctor narrowed his eyes. "Oh that's it! Why are you being so critical of me lately!? First you call my bowtie old hap, then you mock how I fly the TARDIS, and now it's the cloaks! What's next, is my sonic screwdriver lame too?!" "No, I don't have a chance to ever see it since you lose it so often!" The Doctor's eyes widened at that. "Oh that is soooo it! I'm sooo not going to take you to see the Arian Falls during the Great Rising of the Eastern Tides now!" "For all the love that is holy!" Chrysalis finally roared, a vein throbbing in her forehead. "Enough with this already! Guards, you may leave us! Save yourselves!" Patented Queen Chrysalis Rage-o-Meter: ||||||| "Are you sure?" one asked. "Yes, we should be fine. Sarius and Pinkie should be able to keep me from killing myself. Right you two?" she asked, glancing towards them in exasperation. They nodded eagerly. Patented Queen Chrysalis Rage-o-Meter: ||| The guards nodded as well. "Your will is ours, ma'm." They then took their leave, though before the door closed, the guard with the stylish armor winked at the Doctor before saying, "make sure it's a blue suit, hun." Patented Queen Chrysalis Rage-o-Meter: ||||||||||||- ERROR "OUUUUUUT!" she roared, the guard's eyes widening in mortal terror as he scurried away with the rest, the door closing behind him. With that, she took a few deep breaths, trying desperately to compose herself. The Doctor however, seemed quite unfazed. "Ah, good, I always hated talking around armed soldiers, well armed with magic in this case at least, it always makes me feel a bit... awkward," he said, as if nothing had even happened. The swarm queen gave him a blank look. "Cut to the chase, Doctor. What exactly can the changelings help you with?" she groaned, tapping her hoof in annoyance as the rage inside her boiled down. "Well, it's nothing your people can help me with... though there is something you have that could. You see, we're here about a potential close encounter of the mustache twirling kind that's coming up." The Queen of the Swarm took a deep breath. "IGOM." The Doctor nodded at that. "We were going to keep an eye on the event once it began, but Princess Luna had us change a few plans. She also told us about the little encounter you had with a pack of Astral Wolves." A look of realization came upon the swarm queen's face at that. Pinkie bounced at that. "Oh man! You should have been there, Ditzy! It was so exciting! Chrysalis and Luna were all like pew-pew-pew, and then I grabbed Luna's tail and made her go all like PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW, and then we ran away but it was still so awesome!" "No shame in that," the Doctor smiled. "I do it all the time!" Ditzy smirked. "Except when it's from an angry cat." "That was one time, Ditzy! One bloody time! And it drew blood!" With that, Sarius turned to Pinkie. "Is it still cool to say 'get a room?'" he whispered. She shook her head 'no' frantically. "Damn..." Chrysalis rolled her eyes. "So, you're who the princess spoke of, though how did you know of the event beforehand?" The Doctor winked. "Oh, I have my sources." "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!" Two robot-alien toilet-fixing giant hovering peppershakers hovered towards a cornered Doctor and Ditzy. "Doctor! What are you going to do?! How are you going to save me?!" Ditzy cried, clinging to the Time Lord tightly. At that, the Doctor then narrowed his eyes in the most badass way he possibly could. "I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Ditzy." With that, he leapt upon his hind legs and struck a kong-fu pose. "I'm going to stop running!" "DOCTOR. DALEK DATABASES DETECT YOU HAVE NO SKILLS IN THE MARTIAL ARTS. SURRENDER AND PREPARE TO BE EXTERRRRMINATED." The Doctor threw him a cocky grin. "Recheck your databases. There's one man in Texas who you fear even more than me. The man who moves a planet when he does a pushup... would you ever guess he had a pupil?" If a Dalek's eyestock could widen in horror, it definitely would. "WARNING! THE DOCTOR MAY HAVE HAD POSSIBLE LESSONS FROM THE TEXAS RANGER! EMERGENCY TEMPORAL SHIF-" "HIIIIYAAA!" A karate-kick came down upon the Dalek, completely crushing part of the top portion of it. As it came crashing to the ground, sparking, the Doctor performed a midair spin before sending the other Dalek flying through a nearby brick wall, sending it crashing to the floor as well, its external casing crushed. The Doctor then landed in a crouching-tiger pose. "Oh my gosh, Doctor! That was so great!" Ditzy beamed, rushing over to his side. The Doctor smirked at that, wiping off a bit of sweat. "Just one order of business left." With that, he whipped out his sonic screwdriver and made his way to the downed Dalek's side, menace completely saturating his gaze. "Imagine you were dying, Ditzy. Imagine you were far from home and in terrible pain." The Dalek glanced up at the Doctor with its shattered eyepiece. "And then you look up, and you see the face of the devil himself." The Doctor grinned. "Hello Dalek." "EMERGENCY. EMERGENCY. WEAPON SYSTEM DISABL-" "Hush now, I need some information from your datacore," the Doctor groaned as he popped off the top portion of the robo-alien. With that, he pulled out a small piece of electronic equipment from within it. "Everything the Daleks know about IGOM." "You are so badass, Doctor!" Ditzy said, before grabbing him in her arms. "I do what I can," he smirked. "But don't you think I'd look even more badass doing that... with a bowtie and stetson?" Ditzy's eyes widened in utter glee, as well as lust. "TAKE ME! TAKE ME RIGHT NOW!" And then they made out. The entire room looked at the Doctor with an incredulous expression, the Doctor closing his eyes with a wide smile as he savored the sweet tale. "You didn't do any of that, did you?" Chrysalis said, blank-faced. "No he didn't!" Ditzy shouted, "He got that information from the Infinity Times!" "I did not! I never lie!" "Oh you're so full of it! That's practically rule one: the Doctor lies! You even lie about lying! Seriously, karate kicking a Dalek?! Who would believe that?!" "Anyone who hasn't met a Dalek before," the Doctor smirked. Ditzy shot out a disgruntled huff. "Alright, but me swooning over you like that?!" "Alright, Fine!" the Doctor said, sighing in defeat. "None of that happened... but you did like the stetson, right?" With that, Ditzy sighed. "Yes... the stetson was pretty cool." Chrysalis could have sworn he was about to cry at that point. "T-Thank you Ditzy..." "BUT YOU STILL LIED!" she roared. "Go ahead and tell them about your newspaper!" Pinkie raised her eyebrows. "Newspaper? What kind of newspaper do you get, Doctor?! Oooh, ooh! Speaking of newspapers! The Cakes just submitted this new recipe for muffins into the Ponyville Times, Ditzy! Their raisin ones!" "Wouldn't that be bad for business?" the Doctor questioned. "Na, I don't think they ever sell that good anyway." With that, the swarm queen could have sworn she had actually seen muffins flash in the bubble-flanked pony's eyes, them quickly shimmering afterwards. "Doctor, can we head to Ponyville after this?" "It's getting really hard to choose who I want to kill first, now..." Chrysalis muttered silently to herself. With that, she cleared her throat. "Can we please stay on topic?" The Doctor nodded. "Right, right... The Infinity Times is a monthly newspaper published by an interdimensional corporation slash beuracracy called the Order of the Nameless Men. It reports on interdimensional happenings in the multiverse." He held up a hoof. "However, they rarely report happenings confined to a single dimension... well unless it's a very big event, though they do print a lot of... neutral articles. Opinions and help guides, that kind of thing." "What else can you tell me about this group?" "Not much," the Doctor admitted. "I do know that they control and monitor most interdimensional activities. They keep a strict watch on all of them." "So the Nameless Man who is providing security for IGOM is part of them?" Chrysalis questioned. With that, the Doctor's eyebrows raised. "Heh, they must be getting a little paranoid about this one for him to be taking direct measures. Anyway, the newspaper is offered to most... influential people in the multiverse." "How come you don't get it, Chryssy?" Pinkie asked innocently. Chrysalis shrugged. "I don't know, though it doesn't matter to me that much. Why would I care what's happening in the multiverse when I have mouths to feed?" She then squinted in thought. "Wait, do all the guests attending IGOM get this?" The Doctor shook his head. "No, I don't believe all of them do, just the more 'powerful.'" "Hmmm... but isn't interdimensional travel difficult? How could they be sending newspapers to people easily?" Chrysalis asked. "Not for them," the Doctor said. "They don't actually even exist in any universe, they're creatures of the void. It's as natural for them to pop and transport things in and out of any universe as it is for us to breath." Pinkie and Sarius gazed at him in confusion. "The void is the space between universes." "Oooooohhh, gotcha," Pinkie said. "And the Infinity actually has some pretty entertaining articles. I actually wrote a reader one last week!" the Doctor said proudly. In Celestia's quarters, the solar princess sat reading over a certain newspaper while sipping a cup of tea. Her look turned to that of curiosity upon reading a certain article. Idealism is Still Not Dead! How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Short-Lived - A reader article by one Doctor Whooves. The sun princess smiled warmly upon finishing. "That one was actually kind of neat," Ditzy said, smiling lightly the Doctor's way. He blushed at this. "Well... I just thought I'd pour some of my deeper thoughts out. Anyway, at the fact that the Nameless Man is putting a direct hand into this and the fact that Luna was almost killed thanks to the actions of those who seem to be in love with the leader of this party, the feeling I have about this whole thing has gotten ten times worse." With that, he took a step towards Chrysalis. "Ditzy and I have done some research on you, and have actually seen a few of your actions in the past. We know you've done all you can to try to exist peacefully on this world, even if at times this becomes... difficult. Normally, for attacking the capital city of a nation I love you'd be losing a few points..." he said grimly, before smiling slightly. "But what's the point of two hearts if you can't be a bit forgiving now and then?" Pinkie squinted in curiosity. "So you don't believe anything Blueblood is saying?" "Oh of course not!" the Doctor laughed, Ditzy along with him. "I'd say that I don't care what that idiot thinks," the bubble-flanked mare spoke. "But the very definition of an idiot is somepony who doesn't think, now isn't it?" "They're threatening you with something, aren't they Chrysalis? He has you pinned to the wall," the Doctor said, gazing into her eyes intently. "Perhaps... but would you be able to do if they were?" she said. With that, he put on a wide grin. "I was hoping you would say that, and the answer is Tiberium!" "You want... Tiberium?" Chrysalis said. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." "It's a green glowing rock that assimilates and converts other minerals into itself," the Doctor said. Chrysalis nodded at that. "We actually do have that mineral in storage. A chunk of it crash landed on the island over a hundred and fifty years ago." "We know. We were there!" the Doctor grinned. Chrysalis shot him an annoyed look before continuing on. "We've been experimenting with it as a possible source of biological modification and augmentation. However, we call it Cicor." "That stuff is very dangerous, you know," Ditzy said. "You really should get rid of it." "Thank you for your concern," Chrysalis said. "But we have the Tiberium under control. Our kind are immune to most types of radiation, and we've figured out how to magically vibrate air molecules at the right frequency to create sonic waves that stall its growth. It took a bit of experimentation, though if we didn't figure out how to control its spread, who would have? Ponies and gryphons wouldn't have been able to resist the radiation." The Doctor grinned widely at that in approval. "That is just brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! I knew changelings were clever but... that's amazing! You can never get enough sonic, I say!" "What exactly could the Tiberium help you with, Doctor?" Chrysalis asked skeptically. "It's quite simple really," he beamed, smirking slightly. "I'm going to cover this universe with yellow tape; nobody will be allowed in."