//------------------------------// // Anon lost through time part 3 // Story: Adventures of thestral Anon // by ImNew2023 //------------------------------// Anon was not a happy pony. He was not a happy pony at all. All she wanted was baby pictures of Celestia and Luna, what does he get instead?  He found out all his friends and loved ones might die in a nuclear holocaust, he got turned into a mare and now these ponies from days long past are insisting on calling him/her Princess Platinum. On the plus side, the chaos magic cured his weakness to the Sun. Having to sneak out of the giant hut that the locals called a castle, Anon made her way through the forest. Despite the insistence she was ruler of Equestria (or what could be considered Equestria) Anon had one mission and one mission alone. Find baby Celestia and Luna and take cute but embarrassing photos of them. As she hadn’t found any sight of them in civilization she assumed the wilderness is a logical next place to check. “Any sight of them?” Anon asked as Griffanon, Drakeanon, Peganon and Hippanon scanned from the skies. “Nothing yet” Peganon said. Continuing to search the ground with the others, Anon found herself beside a small pond. Looking at her reflection in the water she let out a loud groan. “What am I doing here? I’ve got a wife and kids, I should be at home with them not gallivanting along the timeline” she said to herself before turning away from the pond. While she continued to rant to herself she was completely unaware of the golden light shining over the pond, the heavenly music playing and the gold coated alicorn floating down and placing a basket with two foals in it on the ground. Planting a loving kiss on both of the foal’s heads she ascended back into the sky and the light faded. “I mean it’s not like Celestia and Luna are just going to fall out of the sky-“ Anon continued to rant, stopping as she turned around and saw the basket. In it were two alicorn foals, one white with pink mane and the other dark blue with a lighter blue mane. Acting on her base instinct when seeing a cute animal Anon went to cuddle but managed to stop herself. “Wait a minute, if I interact with them now it could dramatically alter the timeline. There’s no telling what could happen” Anon thought to herself. Deciding this was a part of the timeline, Anon turned and slowly moved away from the basket. But not before taking several photos. Trying to walk away Anon found her hooves almost stuck to the ground as she heard a noise. Looking back to the basket Anon saw Baby Celestia crying, reaching out to her with her tiny hooves and trying (unsuccessfully) to crawl out the basket. “Don’t fall for it you aren’t a part of the timeline. Don’t fall for it you aren’t a part of the timeline. Don’t fall for it you aren’t a part of the timeline” she kept muttering to herself. “Fuck the timeline, I’m your Papa now” Anon stated, heading back to the basket. “Mama” Baby Celestia said. “No, Papa” Anon corrected. “Mama!” Baby Celestia insisted. Remembering his last interaction with Flurry Heart, Anon relented as there was no point trying to argue. “Whatever” Anon groaned. Picking up the basket with her teeth, Anon carried the future diarchy back to the group. … “We need to tell Celestia” Starlight suggested. “We can’t” Twilight said. “Why not? If Anon’s gone looking for the Princesses as foals then if he succeeded they should be able to remember WHEN then we can go back to a day before and cut him off” Starlight explained. “It’s not that simple, Celestia is pregnant now. Last time Anon did something on this scale the shock caused Cadence to give birth on the spot. How do you think a mare only half way into her pregnancy would react if she found out ANON is messing around in the timeline and MIGHT be Princess Platinum?” Twilight explained. Thinking for a few seconds, Starlight saw why Twilight was worried. “Ok that a fair point, but at least we know he went to some point around the time Princess Platinum ruled so we should be able to just head him off there” Starlight said. “I’ll get the girls and Spike” Twilight said turning to leave. Letting out a scoff, Starlight couldn’t help but chuckle a little. “Don’t you think that’s a little bit of overkill?” She asked. “Trust me, once Anon’s put his mind to something, he’s as dangerous as Discord or Tirek” Twilight explained. … Back in the past, Anon began to see the other side of parenting a newborn. And it sucked as much as his side. “Why are they crying?” Anon groaned, the hour long screamfest from Celestia and Luna having caused a ringing in her ears. “Well they aren’t tired, they aren’t scared, maybe they're hungry? Anon quick take your tits out” Zebanon said. “EXCUSE ME!?” Anon yelled. “You’re the only mare here, take your tits out and feed em” Zebanon explained. “I don’t have any milk you dumbass!” Anon stated. “Have you checked?” Unianon asked. “No but considering I’ve never given birth I doubt there’s any down there” Anon replied. “Then what do we do?” Peganon asked. “What if we give them cake?” Anon suggested. Everyone looked at her for a second, just making sure they heard her properly. “Dude, they’re infants” Zebanon pointed out. “Do you have a better idea?” She asked rhetorically. No one answered. “That’s what I thought” Anon said smugly. Finding what passed for cake in the ye-olde Equestria, Anon placed two slices in front of the foals, who looked at the sugary treats with curiosity. “This isn’t going to work” Zebanon stated. He was soon proven wrong as Celestia INHALED her slice while Luna calmly munched on hers. Everyone looked on in shock while Anon was just a smug bastard about it. … Arriving in the past, Twilight, Spike and the girls began searching for Anon, now posing at Princess Platinum. Finding a town, the group ventured in, looking for the chaos spirit in pony form. “Hey everypony! The Princess is going to make a speech!” One of the townponys called out. “Well that’s convenient” Applejack said. Following the crowd, they were led to a pedestal in the centre of town. Stood upon it was a white unicorn dressed in a crown and a purple cloak. The girls recognised this as the Princess Platinum they were familiar with. “That’s not Nonny” Pinkie pointed out. “Yes, thank you Pinkie, we can see that” Twilight replied. Looking around the group managed to spot a little filly sneak away from her parents and head off into the woods. Curious, the girls followed her. Staying far enough away to not be spotted they followed the filly to a cottage deep in the woods.  Watching her go inside the girls followed. Coming up to the door, Twilight knocked her hoof on it three times before getting an answer. Opening the door Twilight came face to face with a green mare who greatly resembled her friend Anon. Letting out a panicked scream at seeing her, the mare slammed the door shut. “Anon we know you’re in there! Come on out!” Twilight demanded. “You must be mistaken, there’s no Anons in here. I’m just a widowed mother of six enjoying a quiet night in” the mare called out from behind the door. Knowing how long it would take to get Anon to open the door Twilight resorted to blasting it open with her magic. “What the hell Twilight? Coming in here going all Kool Aid man on my door. The Industrial Revolution hasn’t happened yet. Those things aren’t cheap, you know?” Anon scolded. “Anon we’ve come to take you home, you’ve gone too far this time” Twilight stated. “And why are you a mare?” Rainbow asked. “Chaos spirit, might have been Discord’s mother, Rick Rolled her to death, now I’m his and the Princess’s mama” Anon explained. “Excuse me?” Twilight asked. “Weeeeeeell” Anon began. “Anon” Twilight stated, losing her temper with the stallion turned mare. “I found him in the woods turning trees into giant bananas” Anon explained. Seeing the three aforementioned babies (Celestia, Luna and Discord) sitting in a baby cot in the corner of the room, Anon, the girls and Spike all had to cover their ears as Twilight let out an ear splitting squeal. “OMC THE PRINCESSES ARE SO CUTE!!!” Twilight squealed, her voice going high enough only dogs could properly hear her. Then all three foals started crying. “Great work Twilight, real classy” Anon said flatly. Blushing heavily, Twilight hid herself behind her wings. “Sorry” she muttered Failing to hold on her laughter, Rainbow collapsed to the floor, rolling around as she howled. “Ha! You’re somepony’s mom!” She laughed. “Screw you Rainbow, you’re just a hater because I’m a milf and you ain’t” Anon spat back. “Wait, so who's that mare in town?” Applejack asked. “Oh her? Don’t worry, I tricked those country hicks into thinking I was able to change what type of pony I was and had her take my place. That’s the Princess Platinum you’re probably familiar with” Anon explained as she tried to sooth the three infant deities. “So what now?” Starlight asked. “Well I can’t go home now, I’ve got to take care of these three” Anon replied. “But what about Cream? And the kids, and us?” Twilight asked. “Just come back in twenty-ish years. Take the others and come back to pick me up” Anon suggested. “Anon, that’s a long time, you’ll be trapped here for a long time” Twilight said. “I know, but if I don’t take care of these no one will” Anon explained. Looking at each other, the girls looked back to Anon. “Can’t we just bring them back home?” Pinkie asked. “You know we can’t. We can’t have Celestia and Luna grow up around themselves” Anon stated. With her smile now fading, Pinkie’s cotton candy shamed mane deflated, dropping down and covering her face. “Don’t be sad girls, it’ll be literally a minute or two for you. I’ll be back quite literally before you know it” Anon pointed out. “Time travel, it’s all far too confusing” Rarity stated, rubbing her temple to avoid a headache. “Yeah, oh that reminds me, kids! Could you come here for a sec?” Anon called out. Coming into the room were three juveniles, a blond unicorn, purple earth pony and a zebra. “This is Golden Heart, Wild Fire and Zebara. Kids, these girls will take you back to my place, I’ll come join you soon, promise you’ll behave for them” Anon said. Looking in wonder at the (for them at least) mythical beings, the kids didn’t respond to their care giver. “Also I was in the future, Fluttershy causes the apocalypse” Anon added. “W-what?” Fluttershy stuttered. “Yeah turns out Equestria gets megaspells at some point and you give some healing ones to the zebras but they reverse engineered them into weapons of mass destruction and killed the planet” Anon explained. Carrying a now unconscious Fluttershy through the time portal, the girls, Spike, the Anons and the kids walked through, leaving Anon himself alone with Celestia, Luna and Discord. “Alright, just 20 years to go” Anon sighted, going back to her daily tasks of taking care of the three infants and drawing Pepe memes. … Sat in a laboratory, an orange unicorn with a bunsen burner cutiemark worked with various test tubes. This was Luis E Maremontes. Creator of the birth control pill. “Finally, I’ve cracked it. This will revolutionise the birth control industry. My name will be written in the history books for this, and nothing will stop me, not even a- flying flank?” He monologue as a large green but with a question mark on it swung out of a glowing portal of the same colour. Being smacked on the face by it, Luis was knocked over his table.  As the chemicals went flying, Luis landed on the floor. Seeing his work ruined and his notes stained beyond recognition, Luis saw the flying flank disappear into nothing. “Ok buck this! I don’t care what my cutiemark says, I'm going back to acting school!” Luis yelled before storming out of the ruined lab. … Months after Twilight left to find Anon, Celestia gave birth to her daughter. Looking down at the red and yellow maned unicorn filly, Celestia couldn’t help but smile at the bundle of fur that came out of her. Her sister Luna and assistant Raven Inkwell were in attendance to meet the new princess along with the doctor who aided in the birth. Well, the only one who managed to dodge Celestia’s magical blasts during contractions. “Where are her wings?” Luna asked the doctor. “Luna, that's not important” Celestia stated. “What? Your daughter doesn’t have wings Tia. Can’t I point out she does have wings? What are those on her sides? Not wings I’ll tell you that” Luna replied. “That’s an easy question to answer your Highness” the doctor stated “genetics become a bit of a coin flip when it comes to mixing between different pony types, otherwise there would be thousands of pegasus/unicorn hybrids flying about resembling smaller alicorns” “I suppose that makes sense, but your Highness I do have one concern” Raven said. “What’s wrong Raven?” Celestia asked, herself becoming worried what could be wrong. “Don’t you think your daughter looks a little… familiar?” Raven asked. Taking a second look at her foal, Celestia was unable to deny her resemblance to Sunset Shimmer. “That. Is strange” Celestia admitted. Sunset was always a bright student from the day she began to study under the Princess. Now thinking back on the day she found her former student swaddled in a blanket on her balcony, she had to question how she even got there. Sunset’s great flaw was she was too ambitious, she took shortcuts and went behind Celestia’s back to try and get an edge. In the end she disappeared shortly before Twilight came into Celestia’s life. “A relative perhaps?” Luna suggested. While Celestia pondered over the similarities between her daughter and former student. “Hay, maybe Anon messed with the timeline and sent the princess back in time and you adopted her without even knowing” Raven chuckled. Continuing to chuckle for a minute or two, Raven quickly realised no one else was laughing. Instead, Celestia and Luna had looks of pure dread on their faces, having realised where Anon disappeared to. Also why he looks like a gender bent version of their long deceased mother.