Short Scraps and Explosions

by shortskirtsandexplosions

I Remember Rainbow Dash pt 5

Halfway between Sweet Apple Acres and the Eastern Edge of the Everfree Forest, there rests a rolling green pasture of low swaying trees and soft emerald shrubbery. In the center of this plain, under a late Afternoon golden glow, several marked slabs of stone shine brilliantly in quietly arranged rows. One stone in particular, carved out of a Ponyvillean marble, bears the emblem of olive branches bordering a singular name carved boldly:
'Doctor Iris Farrier – Caretaker, Peacekeeper, Mother'.
“It's in such good condition, even better than last time...” Rainbow Dash's voice murmurs as two shadows saunter up to the lonely grave. “Tell me, Fluttershy—Do you look after the grounds yourself?”
The yellow mare smiles gently at her Pegasus companion as they stand before the resting place of the latter's mother. “Mmmm-Sometimes. The groundskeeper Silver Shoe is a very graceful and talented pony, but also quite feeble in his old age. I sometimes volunteer to assist him in keeping the place tidy. Of c-course I never skip over this spot.”
“I wouldn't think any less of you...” Rainbow Murmurs. She's silent for a blank space in thought. The shadows of clouds waft over the two briefly as a cool evening wind kicks at their manes. A blinking spell, and Rainbow Dash tilts her head sideways. “Uhhhhhhh......-Oh. S-Sorry. I don't mean to just keep you standing there--”
“There's no rush.” Fluttershy quietly nods. “I'm in no hurry to go anyplace.”
The blue Pegasus smiles nervously. She glances at Fluttershy's backside—at the twin baskets of lilies paralleling her flanks. “Urmm.....M-May I...?”
“By all means, do the honor, Rainbow Dash...”
Fluttershy trots a step or two sideways towards her companion. Rainbow Dash reaches into the baskets with her snouts and clasps onto the stalks of the flowers. With an awkward but emphatic grace, the ice-still speedster slowly plants the bouquets of lilies down before the stone, propped up just beneath Iris' name. A sweet fragrance wafts up towards the two of them, causing Dash to shudder briefly as she loses control of her breath. She trots a few apologetic steps back and stares evenly down at the stone, a part of her slightly bewildered by a rainbow colored reflection caught in the Sun's sheen off the marble.
“I have always found this to be such a lovely place.” Fluttershy murmurs into the air, her face melted into a gentle smile as the wind licks at her pink threads with a softness that mimics her voice: “Days after I first fell down to Earth from Cloudsdale, I came here and instantly fell in love with the trees and the wide green grass—the birds nesting just within earshot of their serenading music. It took me a few years to grow up from a young filly and understand the significance of these grounds; but it hasn't changed my opinion whatsoever.” She looks over her friend's shoulder. “Rainbow Dash, I couldn't think of a better place for her to be at peace.”
“I'm glad you think so, Fluttershy...” Rainbow Dash quietly nods. “You've always been the best expert on.......on beautiful things.”
“Not half the expert your mother was.” Fluttershy trots forward a bit and gazes peacefully at the grave. “After all, it was her that brought you into this world.”
Rainbow Dash blinks at Fluttershy. A long sigh, followed by a sweet smile; she clears a sore throat and squints harder at the stone. “It always secretly wyrded me out that she was allowed dad's name on the stone. I mean—well you know...”
“Isn't it enough that the lovers' hearts decide who is married and who isn't?”
“Still, so close to Ponyville! It's very... ... ....” Rainbow Dash sighs, briefly rubbing a hoof over her face. “Sorry. Sorry—I promise myself everytime I won't go into that.”
“It's okay, Rainbow Dash.”
The colorful pony inhales long and hard, lowering the hoof from her face. She gulps and glances aside at her friend with an awkward smile. “Hey, uhm.... ...Fl-Fluttershy, do you mind if I... ...er....if w-we--”
“You don't need to ask, Rainbow Dash.” Fluttershy bows out and gently trots away. “I'll let you two be alone for a while.”
“Th-Thanks....” Rainbow glances briefly back at her.
The wind grows triply mute as the cold breathlessness of the moment suddenly weighs on her. She turns back and gazes, alone, at the stone. The emotionless marble stares back, the engraved olive branches darkening and brightening as another cloud or two swims past the golden rays of the Sun above. The petals of the lilies flutter slightly against the green blades of grass, providing the only scant whispering hint of noise against the dead somberness of the familial reunion.
“Uhm.....eheh....H-Hey, Mom...” Rainbow Dash cheekishly smirks. Her violet eyes dash towards the sky, the bordering treetops, and then back to the carved name. “It's....It's me, Rainbow Dash. Sorry it's been a while. Life has been....uh—well--busier than normal.” A gulp, a slightly easier breath. “But it's also been a bit more fun as well.” She pads forward in the soft grass and finally squats down, face to granite face. “You see---Uhh--Remember those new friends I told you about last time? The ones with whom I went on this totally cool adventure and got myself some really sweet bling to hang around my neck called the 'Element of Loyalty'? Well, turns out they're all pretty kewl ponies; kewl enough that I don't feel like wringing their necks all the time, at least not as much as some of my older friends. But they were all punks anyways—R-Right? Eheheheh...heh...but no, these friends are—well--they're here to stay. Yeah, I--uh--I really think so this time.
“We've had some crazy adventures together, and yet we're still tighter than steel. We've shoo'd away a big scary dragon from the top of mountain, we've battle these annoying little winged turds called parasprites, we've journeyed into the scary depths of the Everfree Forest far too many times than I can even count; we've even worked out a way to do Winter Wrap Up on time this year! On top of all that, one our friends, Twilight Sparkle—she's the really boring one with a book fetish—got us all free tickets to this year's Grand Galloping Gala! It's gonna be the best night ever!
“And then this one time—and you're not gonna believe this, Mom—I finally finally got to meet the Wonderbolts. Yup! My idols: Spitfire, Soarin, Swiftcloud, Shattersky; I got to sit down and chew the fat with each and every one of them for a day. And you wanna know how I did it, Mom? Only by performing the most awesome and death-defying feat of all Pegasusdom in front of the whole population of Cloudsdale at the Young Flier Competition: the Sonic Rainboom! Everyone on this side of Equestria had to have seen it. I mean, it wasn't nearly as big as when I first did the legendary move, but boy was it spectacular! It only goes to show that I still got it! The sky's not even the limit from here on out—My name is on the map for future Wonderbolts tryouts, for sure!”
Rainbow Dash is smiling wide at this point, but the smile fades slowly—melting into a cold neutrality that matches the wayward breath of the afternoon breeze against her face. She glances off to the side and spots from a distance the frail image of Fluttershy, strolling past a cluster of colorful gardens and nuzzling a few passing wing'd insects.
“And then I found out something about me and my new friends—Just yesterday, as a matter of fact. And the whole thing with the Sonic Rainboom kind of leads to this. But—It turns out that when I first did the impossible at age eight, it wasn't just a bunch of young Pegasi that I impressed with the aerial explosion, but the huge burst had an impact on ponies of all walks of life—As far as Manehattan. And—would you know it? At the same time the explosion happened, all five of my friends—including Fluttershy—got their cutie marks, all on the same day and at the precise same time. If they hadn't figured out so early on just what they were meant to do with their lives, they would never have made the decisions they did that ultimately led them here to Ponyville, where we would all meet—where we would all become such close friends to begin with.
“But---pfft---The girls are all gushing over me, and quite frankly it's sickening. They insist that it was fate or something that arranged for the six of us to get together. And while I guess that's a charming thought—in some fluffy, poetic sense—it just seems far too good to be true. You were a doctor before you had me, right, Mom? Then you'd probably agree with someone like Twilight Sparkle and say that things need to be proven scientifically before they can be taken seriously—Ugh; But Twilight is one of the biggest believers in this whole thing being 'fate' and now she's got me writing this BORING letter to Princess Celestia—OH!--UHM--Yeah, eheheh. I'm writing to Princess Celestia for the first time. Ahem. Guess you might want to know that.”
Rainbow Dash sighs heavily and hangs her head, her mane fluttering above the white lilies resting against the grave. After a gentle silence, she reopens her eyes and glances forlornly at the stone.
“But a part of me wonders---Just slightly wonders—What if there's truth in all that mush? What if I really am the reason that all of us got together in the first place—or found out the purpose in ourselves so that we got our cutie marks? I don't know if I could really deal with that sort of a reality. I've always thought that life is too boring to waste so much time trying to make one thing or another happen; it's so much better to live in the moment and not be so stiff and anxious about the meanings of things. So, you can probably see, I've n-never planned to be tasked with.....with the creation of something. And now that I know what I know about my friends, I look back on all the things that have ever gone wrong or r-right in my life.. ... ...especially in th-those really tough times I had—you remember--when I was younger; and I wonder, Mom, if you had thought hard about being the creation of something when... ....yanno...wh-when you h-had me.”
The multicolored shade reflects back from the shiny granite, only to be blanketed over by a final looming shadow, a large cloud that brings back the opaqueness of the stone, and the odd letters scratched unnaturally thereupon.
Rainbow Dash's eyes turn slightly concave. A hint of moisture in their extremities, and: “Ahem.” She looks skyward, clearing her throat. “But I-I....uhm....” A nervous smile cast once more to the rock. “I-I don't need to burden you with all of that....th-that thinking. I'm happy, Mom. I really am. I have amazing friends, I have amazing things to do, and I'm still the most kickbuttingest Pegasus in all of Cloudsdale. When the title goes for all of Equestria...” She smirks and stands up quickly on all four hooves. “I'll let you know.” A wink, a drying of the lids, and she swiftly—almost too swiftly—trots away from the stone, the grave, the flowers, and the quiet.

“You didn't need to walk me home, Rainbow Dash.” Fluttershy nonetheless smiles sweetly as she trots up to the front steps of her petite, leaf-laden cottage on the edge of Ponyville. “There's no point in making you delay that delivery you're making for Rarity.”
“Pfft—You mean this bag of stones?” The blue pony wiggles the bulging saddlebag attached to her spine. “You know me, Fluttershy! I can have this thing dropped off beyond Cloven Canyon in ten seconds fla---Wait....” Her eyes roll back in her head as she pauses in mid-trot and mutters aloud: “Ten seconds times one twentieth of a mile at maximum acceleration times twenty times eighty miles plus friction and sheer wind resistance... ... ... ...” She goes cross-eyed, shakes her head, and smirks: “--in just a handful of minutes, flat!”
Fluttershy giggles. She sidesteps toward a tiny crop of carrots sprouting up out of the soil in her front yard. “Well, I can never turn down your company...” She snaps a carrot loose and tosses it into the empty flower baskets on her back. “Especially if you've got everything so calpably in hoof.”
“When do I not? This is Rainbow Dash you're talking to! The one who came to your rescue a few years back when you needed to be carried to Ponyville Hospital for that nasty cut on your nose!”
The pink-mane'd pony blushes furiously under her yellow coat. “Y-You promised never to mention that again.” She whisperingly protests.
“But you learned your lesson, didn't you?” Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes with a smirk. “Silly girl, not all furry animals can be mouth fed.”
Fluttershy sighs wiltingly at the door. “I've never talked to a badger since....”
“Maybe you should practice on Gummy some--”
“Rainbow...”
“Just saying!”
“Hmm-hmm-hmm.” The yellow pony chuckles sweetly, marches up to her house, and opens the door with a sing-songy: “Hello, all my pretties!” On cue, a cavalcade of several dozens of cuddly creatures stop whatever it is they're doing and eagerly rush down a lattice of various intricate stepladders and inclined planks built into the dainty interior architecture of the cottage. They frolic around the pink-hair'd Pegasus as she takes turns nuzzling and petting each of them. “Ohhhh—Have you all been lonely? Don't worry. Nana Fluttershy was doing important errands—And spending time with her good friend Rainbow Dash. You all remember Rainbow Dash, don't you? Be nice and say hello to our guest, hmmm?”
A rising chorus of chirps, squawks, quacks, and ribbits float through the air.
“Hey Hey Hey—Back at ya, fuzzballs!”
They all scurry away in a heartbeat.
“Rainbow Dash....” Fluttershy briefly frowns.
“What???” Rainbow Dash shrinks slightly with a nervous chuckle. “Fluttershy, you know that I'm the last pony on Earth to bother trying. Like—You remember me and the manticore that one time, right?”
“Yes.” Fluttershy upturns her chin at her friend. “But the manticore is at least twenty percent less cute than my most special friends here!”
“Ooooh—Oooooh!” Rainbow hobbles back on two hooves and mocks a heart attack with an arm over her chest. “You know exactly where to wound me, girl!”
“C-Careful, Rainbow. Rarity's rubies--”
“Nnngh!” Rainbow Dash lands awkwardly on all fours, blinks, and smiles nervously: (“Squ-E-e-E-e”) “Don't fret, Fluttershy. I ain't no duncebag.”
“A what-bag?”
“Never mind.” Rainbow grunts breathily and pries the bulging saddlebag off her back. “Do you mind if I--?”
“Not at all. Put it right over there.” Fluttershy points while removing the flower baskets off herself. While Rainbow Dash temporarily sits the rubies down, the other Pegasus marches gaily across the cottage, flanked by critters as she hums a merry tune and reaches over several shelves for jars and containers full of animal feed. As she allows each creature to nibble one by one, she breaks her tune to glance over her shoulder at Rainbow. “Would you care for anything to snack on? You'll need to be energized for your delivery.”
“Seriously, I'm fine--” Rainbow Dash waves a hoof and trots a circle around the place. “Yanno, Fluttershy—and I hope you don't take this the wrong way—but this place smells amazingly good for being filled to the brim with so many varmints. I just realized.”
“Erm....uh....th-thank you...”
“How do you do it?”
“The key is to teach them the meaning of space and territory, and to swiftly divide up proper functions and etiquette amongst the locations. Ermm....” She bites her lip. “D-Does that make any sense?”
“If anything, it explains how the Foggy Bottom Bog came into being.”
“Hmmm?”
“N-Never mind...” Rainbow Dash eases down into a chair—FWUMP!--but only ends up at an awkward angle. Eyes bulging, she struggles and strains and fights to get comfortable, only to fail. “Nnnngh—Gawwwd, how does Lyra do it?” Finally giving up, she plops down on the carpet in the center of the place, exhales comfortably, and folds her legs up underneath her. “So, did you hear about Zecora's cousin coming to visit?”
“Zecora has a cousin?” Fluttershy glances over a squirrel devouring a peanut on the end of her hoof. As it bounces and climbs up over her mane to get to the rafters, she turns to fetch the carrot from out of her basket. “I had no earthly idea.”
“Turns out he was checking up on Zecora's progress with some stew to fix a Poison Joke outbreak in their homeland—Or something ridiculous like that. Whatever the case, turns out the secret ingredient to killing Poison Joke for good is cinnamon. Who'd a thunk it?”
“I usually use cinammon to sprinkle onto Angel's food and make it more appealing for her.” She waltzes up to the bunny in question, curled up on a pet pillow. She nudges the carrot towards it. The furry little ball of white opens one sleepy eye, frowns, and KNOCKS the carrot back into Fluttershy's face with one raptor-swift hind leg. Fluttershy briefly winces, then blushes. “It....h-hasn't worked all too well.”
“Ever thought of just feeding the rabbit to the cinnamon instead?” Rainbow makes a face. “I bet you'd get better results.” She turns to look over at the bunny. Upon eye contact, the rabbit wakes once more, frowns, and lifts its front hand offensively. “Yanno, long-ears, that would work better if your paw had five pads instead of four.”
“Don't mind her, she's going through a phase.”
“How old is she again?”
“Two and a half.”
“So, a two and a half year phase?”
“Ohhhh—Don't tease her....” Fluttershy frowns as Angel yawns, grumbles beneath her whiskers, and hops randomly away. “It doesn't help. One day, she'll come around.”
“Yanno, Fluttershy, sometimes I think you're a little too loving and caring with your loving and caring of the wildlife.”
“Hehe—The same could be said for the extreme degrees to which you like to perform stunts in midair.” Fluttershy smiles and settles down next to Rainbow Dash on the rug.
“Touche.” Rainbow Dash smirks. “But still, Fluttershy—You spend all the time with these scampering little things. Don't you—Yanno--ever get lonely?”
“L-Lonely....?” Fluttershy blinks, not expecting that. “Why... ...I-I hang out with you and the girls often, do I not?”
“Pfft—Of course you do! But seriously—You live in a cottage out in the middle of flippin' nowhere, surrounded by five and a half square miles of pasture. It takes you at least an hour and a half to gallop into town—and both you and I know very well that you only gallop. You never fly.”
“I....erm....” Fluttershy deflates bashfully. “Wh-Where are you going with this, Dashie...?”
The blue Pegasus jolts: “Oh! N-Not trying to poke fun or anything! It's just.... ...Erm... ...H-How do I say this...?” She digs a tiny circle in the carpet with her hoof, scrunches her face, brightens, then smiles Fluttershy's way. “It almost seems like you're afraid of other ponies in general.”
“Me? Afraid of p-ponies?”
“You're afraid of shadows, aren't you?”
“Isn't every baby Pegasus afraid of shadows before they're introduced to the Earth?”
“That's not the point—Fluttershy, I sometimes think that maybe if you tried a little less to be with nature and a little more to be with your fellow hoofed kind, then perhaps you wouldn't live life like a fraidy cat so much and you'd instantly be more assertive!”
“Hmmm—Those are some valid points, though a bit oddly worded.”
“You do know who you're talking to, right?”
“Hehehe—And in truth, Rainbow Dash, I have thought of all that before. If you want to know what I think; I believe that when I found my cutie mark, it was a sign that Ponyville needed someone with my expertise to be there for the animals when nopony else would. We all are much like the creatures of the forest; we all have our own niches to fill. Some, like you, Rainbow, have many niches to fill—some that you're overqualified for, some that you're underqualified for—and yet you still rise to the challenge in any higher or lesser degree. But some of us do even better at the simple things. It's all a matter of Harmony, really. Just like what Twilight Sparkle revealed to us, and to me especially. I like to think that 'Kindness' is the simplest Element of Harmony, for it is so integral to life—The Golden Rule and such. Erm....Ehem...” The yellow pony brushes a strand of pink hair aside, blushing. “D-D-Does that answer do the trick, or did I-I carry on far t-too extravagantly?”
Rainbow Dash blinks stupidly. “I kind of forgot the question, to be honest—But everything I just heard sounded swell.”
“Oh. G-Good, then.” Fluttershy's wings unfold and re-fold as she chuckles breathily with relief. She smiles sweetly in the colorful pony's direction. “Still, I'm a bit pleased. That was rather sentimental of you just now.”
“Pffft—I thought I was being Socratic, but whatever.”
“Oh, but I mean it.” Fluttershy leans her head cutely to the side. “I think what we all found out yesterday is rubbing off on you!”
“Nnnngh—Ughhh.” Rainbow Dash's face divebombs exasperatingly into the carpet. Thud!
Fluttershy gasps. “What's the matter?”
“Mmmmff—Nothing...” Dash mutters into the floor. “Carry on. Everypony else has—Except for maybe Apple Jack, but she smells like hay anyways.”
“To be honest, I always suspected that you were the cause of me getting my cutie mark.”
Rainbow raises an eyebrow. She lifts her head back up. “R-Really...?”
“Oh yes. The fact that it happened at the same time as the Pegasus Race—that the burst came from just below Cloudsdale—that Dumb-Bell and Hoops afterwards didn't talk about having lost for nearly a year afterwards...”
“Pfft—And they still don't!” Rainbow proudly lifts her chin.
“But most of all—I knew that if anyone performed the Sonic Rainboom that day, it had to have been you and no one else.”
Dash blinks at that. “How'd you know that? You were so far away from when it happened!”
“I'm sorry. I-I-I guess I'm not using the right word. It's not so much that I 'knew' it was you—Or, yes, I did know it. But I suppose in context it's better said that I believed it was you.”
“Oh really....?”
“Mmmhmmm—You came so quickly to my defense when those bullies were picking on me; I couldn't imagine another Pegasus with any greater courage or sincerity... ... ...or any more capable of making the impossible happen, especially f-for someone as awkward and unassuming as m-me...” Her eyes are briefly cast aside.
“Fluttershy.... ....” Rainbow Dash chuckles. “You're right that the race started because I was defending your honor. But you heard me talking to Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and that smelly one at Sugarcube Corner yesterday! When I made the Sonic Rainboom happened, all I was really caring about wasssssssss--” She lingers on the last tonguelash of a word.
Fluttershy is gazing vulnerably at her, pearl blue eyes sparkling.
“-sssssssssss-Was all about you, girl!” Rainbow Dash nervously smiles. “Eh heh heh—Yepperoony! They don't call me the 'most epicest Pegasus' cuz I let my friends down!”
“Who calls you the 'most epicest Pegasus'?”
“Just wait for it.”
“....... ......... ........ ........ .............. ........... .........” Fluttershy twiddles her hooves.
“Wait for it longer.”
“Oh. O-Okay....” Fluttershy blushes. “I will say this: last night is the dreamiest night I've had in ages.”
“Uhh.....Er....Okay.” Rainbow Dash's face squints. “What does that have to do with--?”
“Everything we and the rest of the girls learned about yesterday—It just filled me with so much joyous, toasty goodness—Could you imagine how differently things would be if we all knew about our connection all along?”
“Yeah.” Rainbow Dash boredly props her chin onto her hoof. “You'd all be saving me the sugar-coated cavities I'm suffering today.” She turns and looks suddenly nose-to-nose with a glaring white bunny. “.... ... ....you wanna start? Cuz we can go right now!” Angel hisses, wiggles its cotton tail in Rainbow's nose, and bounds away. “Uh—Uh—ACHOO!” Rainbow exhales, her colorful mane flopping over her eyes.
“Goddess bless you.”
“You ever thought of putting an electrical shock retainer on that thing's bucked teeth?” Rainbow Dash tosses her mane back and sits comfortably again. “It'll make the carrots go down easier, at least... ... ... ...among other things.”
“The fact that we all found out yesterday about the Sonic Rainboom is almost as amazing as the legacy of the Rainboom itself.” Fluttershy smiles. “Isn't it funny how so many ponies can be around each other all the time and yet not know the reality of one, simple, life-changing fact?”
“Yanno, while we're all analyzing this whole fiasco into the ground—Maybe I can hop on board the train and take advantage of our 'new-found knowledge'.” Rainbow Dash smirks devilishly. “I could finally talk Rarity into sewing me a Wonderbolts cosplay outfit. There's that free double-fudge sundae that Pinkie Pie owes me at Sugarcube Corner. I'm still trying to talk Apple Jack into going cow tipping at least once. Heck, I could even get Twilight Sparkle to pay back all of my late library fees for me!”
Fluttershy makes a strange face. “What, pray tell, did you of all ponies check out from the library?”
“Eh—I don't remember...” Rainbow Dash waves a hoof. “I just needed a few really thick encyclopedias so I could sit tall and see over the Pegasi heads at the last Wonderbolts Show.”
“Those ideas are all interesting, but don't you be doing anything to ruin the mood, Rainbow...”
“Fine—FINE! You and your dang conscience.” Rainbow rolls her eyes. “Meh—If nothing else, I'll get Apple Jack and Rarity to cut me some slack for all the practical jokes Pinkie and I did on them last month.”
“Heeheehee....” Fluttershy giggles.
“What's so amusing?”
“You wanna know something?” Fluttershy smiles blushingly, and leans in as if confessing a sin: “I k-kinda always liked it when you and Pinkie pulled those pranks.”
“Oh....Oh really?” Rainbow Dash grins wide. “Why, you secretive little devil in Fluttershy's clothing!”
“I only l-liked it a little.” Fluttershy deflates slightly. “Ohhh—Don't tell anyone. I only meant it to be in good fun.”
“And all this time—Pinkie thought you were too sensitive to get the joke! Hah!” Rainbow looks to the far right. “No wonder they call you angel!” WHAP! A carrot is thrown against her nose. “OW! Sonuva--”
“Uh uh uh--”
“My bad—Daughteruva--”
“Ahem.”
“Meh. Wutever. Frickin' fur golem.”
“I especially liked that one time that you painted Apple Jack's apples all of those ridiculous colors. I-I mean, they came off in a simple rinse and it was a g-good thing because if you and Pinkie Pie actually had sabotaged Sweet Apple Acres, that would have been horrible--”
“But it was funny, wasn't it?” Rainbow Dash smiles brightly, pointing a hoof.
“Just the fact that you went through so much effort—You painted every apple. It must have taken several nights to accomplish for just a split-second reveal....”
“I credit Pinkie Pie with that. She's the insomniac, not me.”
“I could never do any of that sort of stuff, of course, but—It's all so funny in hindsight...” Fluttershy's wings twitch with her words. “But then again, everything in our pasts looks rosy now with all that we've just learned...”
“Yeah, well...” Rainbow Dash's eyes scan the ceiling with sudden boredom. “I try not to get all mushy about the past. We only live for the future, yanno?”
“Mmm-Y-Yes.” Fluttershy nods bashfully. “I s-suppose.”
“Take...uhm....” Rainbow Dash almost thinks twice about the next part, but impulsively spurts it out anyways: “My mom's grave, for example. She coulda been—yanno—laid in Pegasus Sanction, the Cloudsdale Mausoleum. Cuz that's where Dad is all these days. In Cloudsdale... ....” Her violet eyes linger onto some unseen space in the distance of the cottage interior. Her mouth stumbles briefly to find the words: “He... ....He hasn't been to her grave for as long as I remember.” A gulp, and her eyes narrow into something best accompanying a frown. “He hasn't come down to Earth for as long as I remember.”
A cloud of silence falls over the room—at least until it is shattered by a series of offensively noisy chewing sounds. The two Pegasi look over to see Angel finally nibbling crunchily into her carrot. She pauses momentarily to glare back at them, and continues with her tooth-scraping consumption.
“I...I-I think he just needs time, Rainbow Dash. Who are we at our age to guess what it means for an older stallion to--?”
Rainbow Dash suddenly gets up. “Ehhhh... ...Just cuz older people hold so much faith in giving time to things only goes to show just how much time they've actually wasted. That's why it's important for ponies like you and me to lead a braver example for younger Pegasi and all that jazz—By living in the now.” She bravely winks in a jagged attempt to break the iciness of the conversation. “And on that note, I'd better get Rarity's rubies to—Uh—That guy she's constantly clopping on about.”
“Hoity Toity?”
“Gawd—You ever wonder if that poor schmuck will have a kid? 'Hi, my name is Francine Toity! I have a Question Mark on my flank because your guess is as good as mine'!”
“Oh Rainbow Dash....” Fluttershy giggles. “Don't you ever change.”
“If I had a bottle of wine, I'd take a hit.” Rainbow says, saddling up the bag of rubies once more.
“Why is that?”
“Cuz that's the second time I've heard that today!” Rainbow opens the door and steps out to mount the air. “See ya--!”
“Er—W-Wait. Rainbow, just one second...” Fluttershy trots up and glances up at her. “You are.... ....erm....r-returning to Ponyville....uhm...t-tonight, after your delivery, are you not?”
“Uhhhhhhh.......Maaaaaaaaaybe.....” Rainbow squints down at her from mid-hover. “Why do you ask?”
“Oh....no reason....”
“Is something happening?”
“Nope. Nothing happening.”
“Something's happening, isn't there?”
“Nothing at all.”
“Pfft....Fine, Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes and smiles down at her. “But remember—You're no good at keeping secrets.”
The yellow pony smiles sweetly back, the sunlight through the door cascading off her silk pink mane. “Is anypony?”
“.... .... .....” Rainbow coughs briefly, turning to face the Sun so that its warming sensation matches that of her skin, suddenly. “Right—Well—Off, off, and away!” She bolts for the great wide Blue. “Stay frosty!”
Fluttershy waves a hoof from her lonely cottage entrance. “Safe travels....”

“Dear Princess Celestia, how's it hoofin'? Thanks for waiting—Though I guess you really didn't have to wait for anything. All you had to do is flip to the next page while it was I who had to wait to write this next part to you. By the way, don't you hate it when you get papercuts on your hooves? It wouldn't be half so bad except you have to walk on the dang limbs to boot. Well, I'm sure you never get papercuts—Being a graceful Princess and all. Cuz if you did, considering all of the mounds of frickin' scrolls you wade through, I bet there'd be a ton of offensive paper banished to the moon. Wouldn't they freeze up there? Twilight Sparkle says that space exists in a vacuum where temperatures reach this really bone-chilling low called absolute zero that can turn things into brittle frozen fascimiles of themselves and I wonder if that would make the paper shatter like glassdfjakldjfalkfjalkjfakljfklajflkj jdlkaflkjafkajkldafja fdfja;kfjlkafjklafjdkl;f--
“Dear Princess Celelstia, how's it hoofin'? Pay no attention to the paragraph I just scratched out above this one. I swear, I've never written so much in my life—at least since the time I signed my flier's license. Even to this day, when I get pulled over by the Ponyville Police, they actually believe my real name is 'Mia Ballzakes'. That one used to make Gilda laugh all the time. But I'm not here to write about Gilda; I'm writing about Fluttershy.
“There's a reason why friendship is magic, yanno. Sometimes it's because you need that very special someone to listen to you as you ramble on angrily about what some stupid duncebag has done to you in the morning. Sometimes it's to have someone to laugh with and make fun of the absurd things in life. Sometimes it's just to share a moment of thought with, so that you know you're not the only one going crazy at any given point of the day. But more often than nought—the thing that makes friendship magical is knowing that there is always a certain someone who, from any way you look at her, is guaranteed to always be there, to always be dependable, to always be the same pleasant smiling face that you remember since you first ever ran into her.
“Fluttershy is very much that kind of a friend, and there is everything magical to be had about her. Yes, she can be a frickin' scaredy cat at times—okay, make that all of the time. And, yes, she could stand to be more outgoing and outspoken and out..... out... ........outhoused? Whatever—The 'shy' in her name is there for a reason, and screw the universe for scoffing at it.
“A lot of the other girls think that I'm always giving Fluttershy a hard time. And—well—they're kind of sort of right. But they haven't known her for nearly as long as I have. They're awfully scared of saying the wrong word at the wrong time and suddenly shattering the Pegasus like some wilting porcelain flower. There's some truth to be had in that, but Fluttershy wouldn't be in the place of happiness where she is now if she wasn't so harshly kicked out of Cloudsdale......literally. And she has yours truly to blame for that. Eight years ago, when I raced a couple of bozos who were picking on her, the sheer speed of our flight caused her to fall to the Earth, where a bunch of hovering butterflies saved her fall in what had to have been a really wicked sight gag.
“Just like I'm always being my cool butt-kicking self, Fluttershy is always being her gentle animal-loving ponysona. Just like she would say; it's the niches that we fill. She can always expect me to be the kind of pony I am, and I can always expect her to be the kind of pony she is. As long as we've got all that covered, our friendship remains golden. So, if anything, when I'm giving Fluttershy the boot every now and then to get her to cheer harder or be more assertive, I'm just maintaining what makes Friendship so self-sufficient and self-magicient....or wutever. You get it. Let's see Twilight put that into a letter! Hah!
“And it's not always me helping out Fluttershy—though gawd knows she could use all the help she can get. But she's infinitely supportive of me too. The kind of things she does for me, for my reputation in Cloudsdale, for the....for the memories of my mother—it goes beyond anything I can bother to explain to the other girls without coming across like a total sap. And that's another 'magical' thing about friendship, I guess. No matter what way you look at it, one of your many friends and one alone is going to be your 'best friend'. I really don't think there's anything wrong with that. That's just natural....and stuff. And you know it's right cuz when you see that one friend, your heart throws off all the weight that a miserable day has piled up on it and you remember what it means to be happy just to be.
“So, yeah. There you have it. Fluttershy is my best friend. No doubt about it. There is only one problem I have with confessing that onto paper, and it's that I'm not entirely sure if she kno--” (FWOMMMMP!)

A mound of dust flies obscenely across the parchment that Rainbow is writing on. Frowning, she pierces her gaze up from the mountain cliff atop which she is roosted, saddle-bag and all. “H-Hey! What gives--?” A glaring, a blinking, and then a rolling of both violet eyes. “Nnnnngh—Gawwwwd. Just what do you duncebags want now?”
A bruised, scuffed up, but thoroughly battle embroiled Dumb-Bell leers down at her. “Ooooh! New words! I'm scared! Where'd you think up 'duncebags', Rainbow Crash?”
“Halfway between kicking your sorry butt and being bored with it.” The blue Pegasus nonchalantly brushes the dirt off her scroll of paper sheets and rolls it all up. “Seriously, Dumb-Bell. I could spend all afternoon reminding you how ugly you are by beating your face back to jelly, but now's not a good time, okay?”
“Why? You stink so much at weatherflying that you've resorted to being a sky mule?” Dumb-Bell spits. “Whatcha writing anyways, Crash? Better be your last will and testament, cuz we're fixing to bury you!”
“And who's this dark and foreboding 'we' in case I can't already pretend to know?” Rainbow boredly smirks at him as she sheathes the scroll into her saddle bag.
Two predictable shadows hover down in the amber glow of the setting Sun, followed at a great distance by a much less predictable fourth shadow. “Hey, Dumb-Bell! You found her!” Hoops lands his hooves on the ground and retracts his bruised wings. “The heck is that on your back, girl? I knew someday we'd all send you packing from Cloudsdale, but this is ridiculous!” Quarterback lands next to him, chuckling in a dull monotone. “Shut up, brony.” (“Ahem. Y-Yes, Hoops.”)
“It's none of your business.” Rainbow Dash upturns her nose with a smirk. “Unlike a bunch of cement-skulled Pegasi I know, some of us actually have friends that we do favors for! You, of course, wouldn't understand that; because to you a 'friend' is some random object that's too big to eat and too small to make love to.”
The three wing'd colts glance at each other quizzocally. Dumb-Bell raises an eyebrow and does the honors of grunting out: “Wh-What?”
“I rest my case.”
“You've been writing too much. It's making you mouthy.”
“Better to have a mouth full of words than a mouth full of welts—Or are you three really that intent on reliving our little dance this morning?” Rainbow smirks.
“Girl—We could clean your clock anyday of the week! And especially without crotchety old Doctor Rose Heart coming to your rescue at the last second!”
“Pfft—She so did not! The only thing she nearly came to was a heart attack after seeing me beat the ever living spit out of you glue sniffing cloug rats!”
“Whatever--” Hoops shakes his snout and hisses: “We didn't come here to trade boring insults, Rainbow Crash! We came here to settle the score....!”
Rainbow's eyes narrow into a hardened glare. “Just what did you have in mind, buckaroos...?” She starts to grind her front hoof into the stone and dirt of the cliffside beneath her.
“Pfft—Please....” Dumb-Bell waves a lackadaisical limb. “Anypony can beat up a lonesome half-wing.”
At that last insult, Rainbow Dash sneers hoarsely, her violet eyes burning like bloodthirsty embers: “You're welcome to try--”
“But you said it yourself—You've got stuff to do for some lousy excuse of a friend. So, in the interest speed—We thought we'd outrace your sorry butt into the ground!”
“Pfft—Snkkkkkt---WAHHHH-Hahahahahahaha...” Rainbow Dash bowls to the ground, the prior menace completely taking off from the runway of her mouth as she gasps for breath, nearly praftalls, and laughs some more—pounding the dusty Earth with a blue hoof. The three male Pegasi stir and shuffle uncomfortably from where they stand as Rainbow Dash laughs, laughs, wheeeeeeeeeeeezes, and laughs again. “Ahem....eh...eh heh heh....Ohhhhhh yeah. Ohhhhh yeah that's rich—Wait Wait Wait Wait—I forgot to do something!”
“What....?” Dumb-Bell burts.
“LAUGH AT YOUR SORRY BUTTS SOME MORE! AHHHHHHHH-hahahahahaha—Outrace me?! Miss Sonic Rainboom?! Haaaahaaahaaaaa.....” Rainbow Dash almost rolls over, her saddlebag full of rubies rattling and wrustling with the jostled movements. Another wheeze, and she rubs the tears out from her eyes. “Whewwwwwww......”
“Not just race us, you donkey-faced loser!” Hoops grunts. “We brought a secret weapon that's gonna put your boasting face to shame!” He points a light-brown hoof skyward for emphasis. “Say hello to our not-so-little friend!”
“S-Secret weapon, huh?” Rainbow Dash fights off a lasting wave of giggles as she wobbles back onto all fours, glancing skyward. “Better be a tomahawk missile, cuz I don't see what else would come close to—Hello!”
The fourth shadow finally touches down—A wave of dirt skittering from two majestically flapping green wings as a young stallion with dark hair lands among the other three. He's a very athletic colt—far less muscular than the bulky likes of Dumb-Bell, Hoops, and Quarterback—but very obviously lithe and well fit. His limbs coil and uncoil like tightly bending springs, the tell-tale signs of a well trained speedster. The ends of his hooves are shiny, and his wings are immaculate. In spite of his unwitting gravitose, his face is anything but menacing. A gentle smile alights the air as he blinks chestnut eyes across the scene, his black tail flicking to show a straight yellow-and-green streak drawn down the centermost hairs.
“Hi there! You must be Rainbow Crash! I'm--”
“Dash!” Rainbow immediately bites. “And I don't care who you are! If you're with these bone-headed morons, you can go suck on the wrong end of a pineapple!”
The agile stallion sweatdrops. “I-I'm sorry. Eheheh—I didn't mean to strike a bad chord.” He turns towards the other Pegasi, blinking. “But I thought you dudes said her name was--”
“Stop being lame, Stu!” Hoops facehooves briefly, works on his smug smirk and trots between him and Rainbow Dash. “Crash—Meet Stu Leaves, the fastest and most dazzling flier out of Torontrot!”
“Oh come on, brony...” The aforementioned 'Stu' chuckles, blushing. “Th-That's just a gross exag--”
“SHHH!” Dumb-Bell snarls and steps ahead, adding to Hoops' stance. “He's won twelve straight tourneys in a row between here and Fillydelphia! Torontrot University spent a fortune to keep him on their aerial race team until he finally transferred here to study at Cloudsdale.”
“Well—Yes yes—Those things about the tournaments are true.” Stu Leaves shrugs. “But in all honesty, all I'm really here for on this side of Equestria is because I've just been inducted into the--”
“So you think all of that is supposed to impress me?” Rainbow Dash glares down Stu—causing him to shrink back, twitchingly. “I dunno who the heck you are and I don't care—But if these flying buckets of screws brought you here to intimidate me, then you can just turn tail and hover on back to Ontarioats!”
“Uhm...Erm—Torontrot--”
“Whatever!” Rainbow Dash marches haughtily towards the cliff's edge and boredly examines the creases in her left hoof. “I'm Rainbow Dash—Weather flier of Ponyville and winner of this year's Young Flier's Competition--”
“Ohhhh—The Cloudsdale Young Flier's Competition!” Stu nods, grinning. “Heh heh heh—I heard about that! It sounded sooooo cool! Plus, I heard that Princess Celestia was there, and I've always wanted to meet--” He suddenly jolts, his chestnut eyes dilating. “Wait.” He squints her way, trembling slightly. “You're the winner of the Cloudsdale Young Flier's Competition?”
“Yup.”
“You're....(GULP)....the amazing Pegasus pony who did the sp-spectacular Sonic Rainboom?”
“Yuppppp...” She smirks proudly over her shoulder. “And.....uh....lemme see.....uh......Yup.”
“Whoah.....” Stu blinks, his wings suddenly sprouting up. “That's so cool--”
“That's so nothing!” Dumb-Bell growls in the newcomer's face. “Look at her! She's a stuck-up angry headed half-wing! We brought you here so we can all teach her her place!”
“Yeah!” Hoops rears his hooves and smirks evilly. “Man, I can't wait to see the look on her face when you smoke her--!”
“Wait...Uhm....” Stu squints, making a slightly confused face. “Where did 'half-wing' come from? Isn't that a little rude to be callin--?”
“Look...” Rainbow Dash sighs and glares across the way at the newbie. “'Stinky Litter', was it?”
“Stu Leaves.”
“Whatever—You're obviously not from around here, so I can't rightfully blame you for not knowing didley squat about these soulless dweebs that you're hanging around with. So I'll just cut you a break and let you leave peacefully before I do to you what I did to them!”
“So that's where all those bruises on your guys' faces came from!” Stu chuckles, waggling an eyebrow. “And you dudes said it was cuz you fell into a snowflake machine!”
“Yeah yeah—So we bent the truth just a tad--”
“--cuz I was saying to myself: 'A snowflake machine is too small for three young adult colts to all fall into at once! That's horesh--'!”
“Right—WE MADE THAT UP!” Dumb-Bell groans once more. “Look, Stu. We promised you that you'd have a good time. So now that you're here and she's here and we're here—Let's just do this race and get this over with!”
“You guys are seriously so pathetic that you need a tournament flier with the brains of a watermelon to come and race me for you?” Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes at them. “Really smoothe, you guys. Why don't you do evolution a favor and crawl back into a cave where you'll be in good company with all the other dumb rocks?”
“I-I don't think I have the brains of a watermelon--”
“Who said you were just gonna race him?” Hoops smirks.
“Oh, this sounds rich,” Rainbow sneers back, smiling. “Hit me, why don't you?”
“We challenge you to race all four of us....through Cloven Canyon!”
Hoops points off the cliffside towards a grand vista resting majestically beneath the Western setting Sun. A curved crescent of a ravine bends from the South to the North to the South again. The canyon breaks into a cave at the Northernmost spot, before once again reforming into the amazingly deep trench filled to the brim with briars, rock formations, and jagged granite structures. The rocky plateau within which the ravine is chiseled is pot-marked with miniature craters and pony-shaped impressions, the tell-tale signs of the unbelievably natural structure being a racing hotspot for Pegasi over countless generations.
“Whew....” Stu Leaves whistles shrilly. He smirks: “Cloven Canyon—I've read up so much on it before, but seeing it up close—It's positively breathtaking!”
“It's also potentially life-taking if you don't know what you're in for!” Dumb-Bell mischievously grins, trotting around as he further monologues: “First, it's a deep plunge into a shallow ravine full of jagged spikes! Then it's a sidewinding squeeze of narrow trenches sunk into the earth! Then it's a huge briar patch full of ancient, petrified thorny roots! Then there's Cloven Cave—a dark and scary tunnel carved through crumbling, unstable rock! Finally there's the last stretch—a grand winding curve through a countless obstacle course of rocks, buttes, and stala-....stalag-....st---even sharper rocks!”
“Sounds fun.”
“So let me get this straight... ....” Rainbow Dash balks at the three brash ponies and their friend, before nodding her multi-colored mane towards the curved, gaping canyon of doom. “You want me—To race all of four of you—Through Cloven Canyon—And my only chance of proving myself up to the challenge is if I come out in first place?”
“And the loser gets to realize what a stupid half-wing she was for ever talking smack to us to begin with!”
“Seriously—What's all this flak about a 'half-wing'---?”
“Sounds like a lovely way to waste an afternoon.” Rainbow Dash says—but feels the weight of the rubies on her back once more and clears her throat. “But—Another time, perhaps.”
The three bulky colts gape at her simultaneously. “You're turning us down?”
“Pfft--Don't look so shocked. Would a hydra bother to meet a cockroach's challenge at a biting competition? Meh—You three aren't worth my time, with or without your prettyboi excuse for a 'secret weapon' over there.” She turns tail and makes to fly off the cliffside. “Like I said before, I've got stuff to do. Why don't you guys try getting some real friends and maybe you'll understand a thing or two about how impossible it is for your worthless selves to do so!”
“And just which of your friends makes it worth you turning into a cowardly filly on us?” Dumb-Bell barks before Hoops or Quarterback can bother to stop him. “Is it that lame Klutzershy?”
Rainbow Dash freezes in place on the edge of the cliff. She icily turns around, icily glares, icily marches back towards the group. Her frowning snout stares down Dumb-Bell, her voice thickly cold, like a cauldron drop of liquid metal. “What did you just call her....?”
“Klutzershy.” Dumb-Bell bravely hisses into the blue Pegasus' face. “And she really is a total klutz for thinking she's of any worth for clinging onto your sorry wings!”
“Wh-Who's this 'Klutzershy'?” Stu blinks oddly.
“Her name is Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash barks. “And if the three of you brainless punks had any ounce of good sense in you, you'd remember how badly you bit it the last time I made you pay for poking fun at her!”
“Oh yeah?” Dumb-Bell grins. “Why don't you remind us, half-wing! If it means so much to you--”
“Fine!” Rainbow Dash grins back. “I will! I'll beat you--” She points a hoof. “And you!” Another hoof. “And most especially you!” A jagged hoof at the blinking Stu. “All on my lonesome—Be it here, be it in Cloven Canyon, be it on the surface of the Celestia-forsaken moon—Anywhere!”
“Snkkt—hahaha--” Hoops chuckled. “But what about your precious delivery--”
“And even with this pathetic bag of crud on my back!” Rainbow Dash hops, saddle jostling. “And when I win against all four of you—The losers will have to march up to Fluttershy's door and apologize in pony!”
“Pfft—As if--”
“Swear it!” Rainbow snarls. “Or the race is off!”
“All right then, Rainbow Crash! We swear—Right, bronies?”
“Right!”
“R-Right!”
“...... ..... ....” Stu blinks. “Oh....erm...” He blushes. “Eh heh—Right!”
Rainbow Dash takes a page out of Apple Jack's book, spits on her hoof, rubs it against her chest, and extends it forward for Dumb-Bell to shake.
Dumb-Bell reaches forward--
But then Rainbow Dash takes a page out of her own book and slaps her hoof viciously against Dumb-Bell's unguarded chest. WHAP!
“OOOF!” The colt bowls over as his two companions chuckle madly. He snaps at them and flaps his wings as he takes off after Rainbow Dash towards the Cloven Canyon beyond.
Stu watches the four fly off. His chestnut eyes twitch, and he once more flicks his yellow-and-green streaked tail of black. “Heh-Heh! This will be fun!”
“Shut up, Stu! And come bring your wings with you!”
“Er, s-sure thing....” He effortlessly soars after the bunch. “Yeesh, the things I insert myself into...”

“There's a reason why I shouldn't really be the one writing about friendship, and Twilight should be, Princess. I mean, I'm pretty sure I did my job here in this letter—which is already a lot longer than I had ever planned on hoofing into words. I've told you about Apple Jack's dependability, about what it takes to get used to someone like Pinkie Pie, about Rarity's generosity and vampirism, and also about Fluttershy being my best friend and all...
“But in the end, as awesome as Friendship is, I feel a little bit evil to say that it's not the most important thing in my life. More than all of that, I like flying. More than flying, I like showing off as the best Pegasus in the world—like I am. And more than showing off, I—Rainbow Dash—love winning.
“What does it to mean to win? Quite frankly, I've always felt that it means showing the rest of the world how much it stinks and just how awesome you are in comparison. We can pillow-fluff together all of the poetry we want to about the Elements of Harmony this or Sharing and Kindness that—But in the end we're all still living in a crazy mean world with crazy mean ponies and only so few plunderiffic spoils to be had between them. Life is really just one big mad race to see who gets what and how much of it. I think that's why sports were invented—cuz if we couldn't act out all of our aggressive selfishness in some sort of traditional artform, then we'd all be bucking each other's skulls off for realziez.
“Now, granted, there are times when I've put winning to the side for the sake of preserving friendship. Take the Autumn Running of the Leaves, for example; I made a total mule out of myself by scuffling and scraping and clawing with Apple Jack during the whole competition. But when I realized I had lost the race—And AJ too for that matter—I decided just to let the whole thing rest, cuz if I beat the fact that I lost into the ground, I could have severely ticked off Apple Jack beyond the point of forgiveness. And as much as she smells like hay, I really don't think I would want something that terrible to happen between me and her at this point in my life. After all, I have all the time in the world to be winning at what I do—but friendship, as it turns out, is quite a fragile thing. And losing friendship is a lot worse than losing anything else. Trust me on that crap.
“But then there's the other side of me—the part of me who needs to win, no matter what. And that shade of Rainbow Dash takes a sideways glance at—say—Twilight Sparkle and how happy she was to get the Fifth Place Medal for finishing the Running of the Leaves. I acted all happy for her and jazz at the time—but, seriously—fifth place? The only reason a medal like that exists is to make ponies think of putting something else around their neck that isn't a noose once they've trotted back home in humiliating shame. I mean—Kudos to Twilight Sparkle for wanting to live in the moment and enjoy the race. I too like to live in the moment, but only if that moment is meant for living in its fullest. And anything but first place—in my book—is not worth living for.
“Twilight's a flippin' nerd, by the way. I dunno if you know that about your star pupil.”

“Okay. Here are the rules...”
Hoops speaks, all the while flexing his wings and shaking his hooves loose from the southwestern edge of the cascading canyon cleft. Beneath him and the other stretching Pegasi, Cloven Canyon dips deep into a violent smattering of rock outcroppings, before bending gradually towards the right into a series of several haircomb thin trenches that further carry the ravine eastward beyond sight.
“After the starting signal, we descend upon the canyon. This will be no holds barred; every pony for himself—Rainbow Crash too. No flying above the trenches! If so much as one tip of your wing rises above the walls of the canyon, you're disqualified! The entire race must be flown through the ravine—and that includes both the briar patch and Cloven Cave located towards the center--”
“I know what the rules are!” Rainbow Dash grunts while doing push-ups with the bulging saddlebag on her back. Her sweat glistens in the yellowing Rays of the Sunset. “Don't act like it's not my millionth time flying Cloven Canyon!”
“It's my first time!” Stu Leaves pleasantly chuckles. “I-I'd like to hear the rules, if you don't mind!”
“Well why don't you grab some audio tapes on your way out?” Rainbow Dash sneers. “They're in the Cloven Canyon gift shop!”
“R-Really?”
“Nnnngh—Gawd.”
“Ahem—Like I was saying...” Hoops briefly glares and resumes: “The first to make it down the Southeastern curve and land on the top of the slope is the winner! If it's any of us colts—We win. If it's Rainbow Crash—which it won't be—then the half-wing won't have to swallow her own horseshoes!”
“Horseshoes?” Rainbow Dash wheezes in mid ruby-weighted push-up. “That w-wasn't part of the agreement!”
“It became so the moment you told us we'd have to go and apologize to Klutzershy if you won! Yeachkk!”
“For the last time, don't call her--”
“Hey, I've got a question!” Stu stretches a wing up high.
“What?” “What?!?” Both male and female Pegasi glare at him.
He shrinks back slightly, colored black tail flicking nervously. “Uhm...Wh-What do I get for winning?”
“A place to sleep for the week! Cuz we'll make sure nobody's lending you a room in Clousdale University's dorms if you fail us!”
“Why's everyone so flippin' hardcore over a single map anyways?” Stu Leaves nervously laughs. “Eheheh—It's just a race, right? Why all the madness?”
“Madness?” Rainbow Dash snarls, does one final push up, and hisses: “This. Is. Cloudsdale! Nnnngh-YEAH!” She hops up tall to her hooves and shakes the sweatdrops loose. “Ready to race your sorry snouts into the ground, you pathetic wastes of thoroughbreds!”
“Not without us, you aren't!” A feminine voice calls out from above.
“H-Huh?” Dumb-Bell glances up from doing sweaty curl-ups. He groans. “Oh great—The Estrogen Squadron has arrived...”
A certain mohawk'd Pegasus with glittering red eyes touches down along with the usual circle of her closest companions. “Rainbow Dash! There you are....!”
“Hiya, Wyndi...” Rainbow Dash softly smirks.
“Wyndi Breeze, as I live and gag...” Hoops rolls his eyes under a mat of stiff bangs. “Come to take the half-wing's side, as usual?”
Wyndi stares down Hoops with a vicious glare. “Honestly! Still using that insult as a crutch?”
“Pfft—Rainbow Crash is the one needing a crutch! Not me!” Hoops smirks back at the filly. “What's the matter, brush-head? Your day-job of sticking your skull in a toilet rubbing you the wrong way?”
Quarterback and Dumb-Bell both laugh. Stu Leaves merely blinks.
“Some of us have better things to do than poke fun at each other like immature foals!” Wyndi upturns her nose.
“Yeah? Like what?”
“Like cheering for the best flier in all of Equestria!” Wyndi smirks and marches over to Rainbow Dash's side. “Heya, Dash-Dash. At first, I thought it was just another wing'd rumor. But as soon as we heard you were racing these four beef'd up crash test dummies, well—How could the girls and I resist coming to watch?”
“And how exactly did you know that we were gonna---?” Rainbow Dash stops in mid-sentence, her eyes thinning pathetically towards Stu Leaves. “Wait. Lemme guess....”
“I hear that he's the fastest flier out of Torontrot!”
“Is he, now? I only had that shoved through my ears with a forklift the first moment I saw him.”
“No joke! This is gonna be so awesome watching you show this schmuck that Cloudsdale's got the best wings in all of Equestria!” Wyndi aimed her snout upwards, gesturing towards several conjoining flocks of Pegasi—over three dozen in count—suddenly descending onto the scene, forming quite an audience at the edge of Cloven Canyon. “I wasn't the only one who heard about this! Everyone's chomping at the bit—literally--to see you do your stuff! Maaaaaybe I kind of sort of talked most of them into coming here, but—ahem—Who knows?! Maybe we'll get to see you do your awesome Sonic Rainboom again to boot!”
“Ehh—I dunno....” Rainbow Dash blushes slightly and scratches her right leg with a proud hoof. “The Sonic Rainboom is kind of a 'you only live to do twice' sort of a thing. Besides, I'm branching out. I've always hated the thought of being a One Trick Pegasus.”
“Uhmmm.....” Wyndi suddenly sweatdrops, glancing at the Rainbow Dash's backside. “Rainbow—Just what in Equestria is all that?”
“All what?”
“That.”
“Oh—A bunch of junk I'm delivering for a friend.”
“But—Erm...” She leans in, whispering while glancing nervously at the gathered crowd over their shoulders. “Isn't that kind of weighing you down?”
“Pfft—Weighing me down?” Rainbow Dash smirks. “Do you forget whom you're talking to?”
“N-No, it's not that. Just--”
“I'm Rainbow Dash. I put the 'G' in gravity, then take it right back out to laugh at 'Avity'.... ... ...Okay, I didn't really think that last bit out too well.”
“They talked you into it, didn't they?”
“Nobody ever talks me into anything.” Rainbow frowns. “I made it as part of the challenge. Besides....” She grumbles. “They called her 'Klutzershy' again...”
“Who's Klutzers--?”
“But don't worry—I've got this all in the bag! Erm—Including the bag. I'll outrace these morons lickety split, and then finish my delivery for Rarity afterwards.”
“That's a delivery for a friend?” Wyndi Breeze gulps. “Dash-Dash, are you sure you don't want me to hold onto it while you--?”
“HEY!” Dumb-Bell barks from the sidelines. “Are you two done making out? We got a race to do before sundown, yanno!”
“Yeah—You ready to lose, Rainbow Crash?” Hoops joins in.
Rainbow Dash menacingly trots around Wyndi's side and grins at them. “A wise sage once said: 'Some will win, some will lose; some were born to sing the blues'.” A snorting of her nostrils, and she smiles an evil crescent moon. “After tonight, you'd better buy yourself a birdcage, cuz I'll teach you to sing like there's no tomorrow!”
Dumb-Bell: “That was so stupid, I forgot to laugh!”
Rainbow Dash: “If I was as ugly as you, I'd take one look in the mirror and forget how to laugh too!”
“Ohhhhhh!” “Haaahaahaa!” “Woooo!” The surrounding audience cries and chuckles and cheers. Dumb-Bell glances at all of them, snarls, and roars:
“All right! Hoops! Quarterback! Stu—Let's get this action started!”
“I know you're gonna show them who's boss, Rainbow...” Wyndi glances nervously from the blue Pegasus' saddlebag, the canyon spikes, the audience, and her again. “B-But remember, Dash-Dash....be careful.”
“Wyndi, if there's anything you remember from when we used to hang out all the time—I may be many awesome things. But when I came into this world, I was most certainly not introduced carefully.” She licks the sweat off her lips and gallops towards the edge of the Canyon slope. “Care to do the honors for me...?”
“Huh—OH! Sure thing, Dash-Dash!” Wyndi spins and whistles to her gaggle of friends. One of the fillies tosses her a checkered flag on the end of a wooden stick. She catches it in her snout and flutters over to a loan rock spire positioned about twenty yards in front of the starting line.
Rainbow Dash touches down between Hoops and Stu Leaves, grinding her hooves until she is right at the edge of the invisible starting line that the four racers have formed behind. She cracks the joints in her neck and knees before hunching over to focus--
“You're going down, Rainbow Cra—” Hoops begins.
“Ssssssh—No, dude! She has a comeback for that one!” Dumb-Bell pathetically reminds his friend.
“Uhhh....Uhhh....” Hoops blinks, blinks more stupidly, then growls: “Now you just threw off my rhythm!”
“Yeah!” Rainbow smirks. “Assuming you were dancing to a funeral dirge!”
Quarterback laughs snortingly at that.
Hoops spits: “Shuddup, brony!”
“Y-Yes, Hoops....”
Stu Leaves stretches, takes a deep breath, and smiles. “Mmmm—Great air over this canyon, isn't it?” He glances over at Rainbow Dash, grinning. “Good luck! Hope you have fun!”
“The only thing I'm gonna have is the last laugh at your failure!” The Blue Pegasus glares back. “So why don't you keep your shallow words to yourself you...you...” She squints quizzocally over him, finally focusing on the green-and-yellow stripe highlighted across his black mane and tail. “--you Streakie!”
“H-Hey! 'Streakie'!” Stu blinks, tapping his chin in thought. “I kinda like that! I think maybe I should make that my wing-name the first day I fly with--”
“Save your breath for losing, buddy!” Rainbow Dash squats low, her legs coiling into a muscular spring as she glares fearlessly into the mouth of the canyon sloping beneath them.
The gathered Pegasi whoop and cheer—Leaning forward on the edge of their hooves as Wyndi positions herself on the rock spire with the checkered flag. All eyes are on her as the five racers tighten their limbs. The wind grows cold and breathless between their heartbeats as sweatbulbs dribble off of outstretching wings as one by one they prepare for the inevitable jolt of the race's start. A magical sound like burning jet engines converge upon the scene, accompanying their shadows that stretch tensely Eastward in the wide golden glaze of the setting Sun.
Wyndi glances at them all, at the audience, at the Canyon below. A curve of her lips, and she whispers out the side of her mouth. “Go for the Boom, Dash-Dash.” And with a swing of her neck, she waves the checkered flag down in a majestic arch--
SWOOOOOOOOOSH!
The mohawk'd girl briefly shrieks as five blazing bodies roar past her and plunge like comets into the yawning ravine below. She grins and yells at the top of her lungs as the Pegasi flutter over and make a swift straight line for the other end of the canyon, their eyes locked on the distant fliers below.

The wind howls madly around Rainbow Dash's slicked-back ears as she aims her snout like a cruise missile, her body angled to slice forward through the condensed air between the canyon walls surrounding her. The roaring cacophony of the deep earthen trench run is quadrupled by the proximity of so many other pairs of wings around her. The four colts are rumbling the air all around, ramping up the turbulence as the young female Pegasus bolts along the first leg of the race. She veers left and right, gracefully dodging various jagged towers of rock and granite shooting up out of the mercilessly pointed floor of the ravine.
A wild shout—And she looks behind her to see Quarterback barely lunging out of grasp of a jagged spike of rock. He exhales with relief while his brother and close friend surge past him, snarling and grunting with the effort of acceleration. Stu Leaves is nowhere to be seen.
“Heh.... ...Stupid newbie--” Rainbow Dash speaks aloud, only hearing herself below the tumultuous thunder of canyon flight. “--the moron's so far behind, I can't even see him--” She glances ahead. She gasps. “Horseapples!”
Stu Leaves is about five breaths ahead, his majestic wings outstretched like a giant green eagle. He throttles effortlessly past the buttes and other rock formations, gently tilting on the z-axis with trained professionalism as he barrels towards the distant haircomb trenches ahead.
“Grrrrghh!” Rainbow snarls and tightens her outstretched hooves as her wings kick into a faster 'gear'. “Not on my watch, showoff!” She slowly inches her way forward, past her previous velocity—Just as a great dark shadow looms in from behind.
“Nnnngh—YAH!” Dumb-Bell viciously elbows into the blue Pegasus, sending her veering straight into the path of a hurdling column of rock.
Rainbow Dash gasps, clenches her teeth, and twirls to the left. She barely rounds the bulging stalk of the rock pillar, zoops around it, and comes back parallel to Dumb-Bell's flank. “So that's how it's gonna be?”
“You're gonna live up to your name, Rainbow Crash!”
“Good thing your parents didn't waste time when coming up with yours!” Rainbow Dash banks to the left suddenly, rotates her wings into a right angle with each other, and flings herself via the wind into a corkscrew, shooting towards Dumb-Bell.
“Wh-Whoah!” He flinches and dives low to dodge her--
Swooosh! The sheer wind resistance from Rainbow Dash's proximity sends him flailing backwards. She once more focuses on the distant image of Stu Leaves far ahead and shoots her wings back behind her to catch up with First Place--
“HAAAUGH!” Hoops roars up in Dumb-Bell's stead, headbutting Rainbow Dash viciously in the flank.
“Whoah-Whoah-Whoah-Whoah!” Rainbow Dash suddenly goes bug-eyed as she spins several three-sixties, falling back to Third Place. A growl, and she kicks her hooves square into the side of the canyon wall. A crunching noise—and a vertical crater forms as she savagely kicks off—POW!--and bullets herself into Hoops' side. “Unnngh!”
Wham! “Augh!” Hoops snarls and butts into her again. Rainbow Dash recoils easily, twirls around him, and bats his face repeatedly with her front hooves at full speed. He spits and coughs and sputters dizzily from her blows—snarls--then clamps onto a strap of her saddle bag with clenched teeth.
“H-Hey! Don't touch the leather!” She snarls as their conjoined flight takes them barreling madly back and forth in a weaving pattern across the canyon—bumping into several rock pillars, spilling dust and pebbles everywhere and forcing the other two races behind them to duck and dodge. Thud! Thud! Thud! “Nnnnnn-nnnngh!” Rainbow Dash hisses, struggling to disentangle herself from the light brown bully. She looks up and gasps to see the thin trenches looming within a breath's reach, and Stu Leaves disappearing within the far right gap.
A deep snarl, and Rainbow Dash suddenly retracts her wings. Hanging on by Hoops' weight alone, she causes the two to spin-spin-spin-spin uncontrollably until the shouting colt finally lets go of her strap, flinging the two of them blindly towards the trenched wall. Rainbow Dash gasps for breath, angles herself sideways, and stretches her wings flat out in time to squeeze her way through the leftmost trench, Dumb-Bell fast on her tail. SH-SHOOOP!
Speeding sideways, Rainbow Dash hugs all four legs to her belly—barely threading her blue way through the sandwich-thin trench. The tight squeeze gets tighter as this part of the canyon starts to bend northeasterly, forcing her to curve blindly into the walls blurring dustily beyond the extremity of her clouded vision. The seriousness of this claustrophobic part of the race makes itself clear in the grinding noise of the saddlebag's bulging body as it scrapes the north face of the trench she's currently throttling through.
“Nnnngh—Stupid....Rubies... ....Hoity.... ...Toity....Can... ...Make Love.... ...To My....R-Right Hoof!” Rainbow Dash spits and drools into the merciless g-forces. Suddenly, she's yanked hard from behind. “Ackies!”
“Hnnnngh!” Dumb-Bell clasps ahold of her tail, kicks off the wall, and grabs her soaring body in a vicious double-arm hold from behind. “T-Time to kiss granite, Half-Wing! Haah!” He yanks her neck into a stiff hoof-bar.
“Hckkk--” Dash sputters and gasps for breath. “Snkkt—H-Hey! Quit it, you suicidal pile of parasprites--” She gasps as her skull is viciously shoved into the blurring trenchwall beside her.
“Heh heh heh heh--” Dumb-Bell's eyes bloodily throb as he grinds her dustily into the roaring earth.
Scrkkkkkkk! Rainbow Dash's eyes roll back into the frictious mayhem rubbing her cheek raw. A spot of golden sunset glints into her eyes. She she shuts her lids, takes a focused breath, and yanks her tail back. The multi-colored 'limb' agilely wraps around Dumb-Bell's left rear hoof and pulls harshly.
“Nnngh—Ah—WHOAH!” Dumb-Bell shrieks girlishly as his own weight is dragged out from under him. He lets go of Rainbow Dash in a horribly unrehearsed full-hoof'd toss.
Rainbow Dash grunts and gasps as she pinballs violently between the thin walls of the trench. Whud-Whud-Whud-Whud! A bold shout—she retracts and unfurls her wings in a well-timed flap, pushing her upwards and sending a gust of wind down into Dumb-Bell's now cannonballing ragdoll of a body just as--
SWOOOOSH!
--they emerge from the thin line of trenches, with Rainbow Dash twirling upside down so as not to gain disqualifying altitude. As for Dumb-Bell: “Aaaaa--” He bowling balls his way over the ground, bounces several times--”Oof! Ugh! Augh! Whoah!”--and collides brick-hard into a rock column positioned in the center of the widely opening canyon. THUDD! Rainbow Dash soars mightily overhead, followed shortly by Quarterback and Hoops, emerging from their own separate trenches and zooming hot on the blue Pegasus' tail.
Rainbow Dash spits and coughs up dust, rubbing her reddened cheek. She squints ahead and snarls to see Stu Leaves looming even farther ahead than before. “Darn it! Darn it darn it darn it—Must burn atmosphere!” A roaring jet sound, and she bursts ahead in a vaporous cloud of billowing oxygen molecules. The jagged canyon congeals into a great brown blur around her as she aims herself towards a wide black blur: the ancient briar patch that thornily resides ahead of the race. A shadow suddenly looms over her. She glances up to see Hoops struggling to catch up.
“Y-You're gonna pay for clobbering Dumb-Bell like that--!” The light brown colt pantingly growls.
“Yeah? With a pocketful of your broken dreams, maybe!” Rainbow Dash smirks and flies upside down with her hooves lazily hooked behind her head in a reclining position. “Tell me, Hoops—Are you really flying, or are you just farting with style?”
“Why you--!” He snarls and angles his wings so that he's soaring down at her in a maddening drop-kick.
“Heeheeheehee--” Rainbow Dash sticks her tongue out and effortlessly banks sideways to avoid his drop.
POW! Hoops' hooves form a crater in the earth. Bouncing up, he dizzily blinks and realizes he's lost speed. Frowning at Rainbow Dash as she soars after Stu towards the thick of the briar patch, he then glances sideways and smirks at a pile of loose rocks. “H-Huppp!” He dashes down, expertly arches his body up, and kicks a flurry of razor-sharp rocks forward so that they slice their way viciously towards the Second Place filly. “Here's for trying to be a real cut above the rest, Rainbow Crash! Hah hah hah--”
“Now just what is he hee-hawing about--?” She glances back. Her violet eyes widen. “Cow Cookies!” She shrieks and twirls her body with limbs branched out at awkard angles, forming an appropriate silhouette that dodges all five or six rocks hurtling towards and past her. SW-SW-SWIISH! One grazes her left leg, spilling a tiny spray of blood. Wincing, she yanks her head upside down and glances ahead of her.
As Stu Leaves dives through a hole in the briar patch, the thrown rocks surge forward and slam into a cluster of brown-twigged nests. In a flurry of caw-cawing noises, a murder of crows spills out and flap every which way across the already clustered entrance to the black sea of thorns.
“Hoboy!” Rainbow Dash holds her breath, retracts her left wing, and spins-spins-spins-spins like a corkscrew through the rampaging flock of black feathers and beaks. Fw-Fw-Fw-Fw-Fw-Fwoosh! The Blue Pegasus knifes her way twirlingly through a thick ocean of shrill cawing noises. “Nnnnn-Nnnnnnghhh!” Finally bursting through, she reopens her eyes and gasps to see a jagged web of thorned branches screaming towards her eyesight.
The filly stretches her left wing back out, angles both Earth-ward, and soars up at the last second. She roars over a cluster of thorns, only to hurtle her way straight into another set of brambles. Stifling a shriek, the brave Pegasus proceeds to dip and dodge and wind and thread her way through the obsidian-black web of cluttered wood and spikes that make up the Cloven Canyon briar patch. All visible light blinks in a kaleidoscope as the gnarled black forest of the middle-canyon shutter-snaps the glow of the beaming Sunset above.
Several cluttered limbs below, Hoops' younger brother Quarterback is having even worse luck than the she-Pegasus. “Nnngh—B-Brony! Why'd you have to do that?! I c-can't handle these stupid birds--” He whimpers and helplessly bats the cawing creatures off his face. Squinting forward, his face pales and his eyes dilate. “Ohhhhhhh Luna Lumps.” THUDDD! He slams straight into a thorny vine, bouncing off several more down below as he rattles his grunting and gasping way towards the Canyon Bed. Above him, Hoops soars undaunted, squinting and glaring upwards until he catches sight of a blur blue. Snarling, he kicks off a random branch blurring beneath him and shoots violently upwards.
Just as Rainbow Dash can finally register a green shape flying ahead of her, she catches wind of a hurdling missile from down below. “H-Huh? Oh, of course--”
“Haaaugh!” Hoops slams mercilessly into her.
“Ooof!” Rainbow Dash careens upwards, flattens her body, slides thinly through a crease in two criss-crossing branches, then sails down with a spinning buck to his flank. “Back at ya, brainless!” Th-Thap!
“Ooof!” Hoops swoops down, ducks under a thorny branch, growls, and jerks back up with another viscious swing of his hooves.
Rainbow Dash braces herself—but gasps in mid-flight, for Hoops has kicked the base of a huge cluster of briars instead, strategically causing it to rattle, shake, and rain twigs all over Rainbow's half of the canyon.
“See if you come out of this with any wings, Half-Wing!” He chuckles over the rising thunder of the collapsing branches and surges out of sight.
Rainbow Dash pants and pants, twirling and dodging and barreling past a virtual blizzard of thorns and obsidian wood chips. She glances ahead—eyes twitching to see an entire hulking trunk of vines crashing down from the snowball effect started by Hoops' kick. With the entire upper part of the briar ahead completely obscured, she suicidally dives downward. “Nnnnnngh—Ahhhhhhh!” She screams for effort, slicing her way down against the rocky earth, spinning upside down as she panickedly sees the huge trunk slamming down onto her--
THUDDD! She slides underneath the crashing stalk with only inches behind her tail to spare. A sudden wall of thorns, and she pulls viciously up—roaring through a thin tunnel of vibrating vines and brambles. The briar's canal grows tighter and tighter around her. A hint of sunlight, and Rainbow briefly smiles—but then gasps to see a solid wall of twigs and thorns thoroughly blocking her way. Rocketing forward at breakneck speed and with nowhere else to turn, she holds her breath, tucks both wings in, and curls up into a fetal position.
“.... ..... ...... .... ..... ....!”
SMASSSSSH!
Rainbow Dash's body explodes out of the Eastern edge of the great black briar patch, her body plummeting like a cannonball into the great yawning breath of the open canyon beyond. Startled to see she's cleared the briar, much less done so alive, she flips her wings out and pulls her body up just two and a half feet before slamming into the jagged ground. Twirling, twirling, twirling—she finally rotates herself upright in time to see the gently gliding body of Hoops half-a-breath ahead. Bearing a new smirk, she spits into the air, growls, and bolts toward him.
“Hmmmm.... ....” Hoops enjoys the solitary victory all too briefly. The sound of jet engine thunder, and he squints back behind his shoulder. “Huh? Oh no way--”
“YES WAY!” Rainbow Dash zips up, plants her hooves into the square of his back, and applies all of her weight. “Way to be my trampoline, duncebag!” And she springs off him with a re-energized takeoff, leaving Hoops floundering and coughing in a wave of briarthorn'd sawdust.
“Nnngh—Kaff! Kaff! Rrrrrgh—No you don't!” Hoops' wings surge violently to pull his hulking self up after her.
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash is making up for lost time, slicing through the air towards a solid wall of rock ahead that can only be Cloven Cave. She breathes steadier and steadier, marveling as the wing'd green form of Stu Leaves appears closer than ever before. “Come on....Come on, girl....” She hisses into the skin-biting canyon air. “Only halfway done. Don't give up now. Don't let some namby-pamby chump from Torontrot put you to shame--”
“Half Winggggg!”
Rainbow Dash groans and looks behind. “What now?—WHOAH!” WHUMP! She gasps as Hoops sacrifices forward acceleration just to shove her up, up, up skyward with all his weight. She struggles with all of her energy to break free—But can only gasp as she finds the two of them approaching the canyon ceiling, and inevitable disqualification--
“No holds barred...” Hoops snickeringly hisses, throttling the two of them skyward. “One way or another, y-you're gonna lose! Even if it takes Stu to beat you--”
“I....Will N-Not....hnnngh...B-Be beaten by a sissy, prissy, mare-y Stu!” Rainbow Dash takes a deep breath, reaches down, and unlatches the belt keeping her saddlebag in place. The bulging bag flies free from her spine.
“Whoah!” Hoops gasps, suddenly realizing that the weight he's shoving skyward is splitting in two and he's not sure what to do about it. “Wh-What—Where--?!”
“Hnnngh!--HERE!” Rainbow Dash clasps the strap of the saddlebag in her teeth, yanks hard to the side, and slams the satchel full of hard, jagged rubies mercilessly across Hoops' flank. WH-WHAP! Then a vicious uppercut of the mace-like bag against his skull. WHAM! As he teeters back dizzily in mid-flight, she grasps the bag in two front hooves and flies backwards, snickering at him. “Come back when you've got the stones to mess with me, punk! Haa haa haa---” She glances forward, upside down. “---Haaaa-AAAAAAAUGH!”
The mouth to Cloven Cave looms in front of her.
“Nnngh!” She drops down—losing grip of the saddlebag. In a desperate gasp, she flutters her limbs up and juggles the satchel once or twice before finally catching it. As she barrels into the dark yawning entrance of the cave, she spins, spins, spins—all the while struggling to tie Rarity's flapping delivery back to her hide. Finally, after floundering with the last beltstraps—tightening them in place—she pulls up in time to avoid a sea of razor sharp rocks glistening blow her. She pulls up effortlessly, her panting breath echoing across the dark cavern.
The least can be said about Hoops—Who barely snaps out of the sleeping spell caused by Rainbow's bag-pummeling in time to see his body careening screamily into a rocky platform on the floor of the cave. THUD! The vibration of the colt's groaning impact reverberates across the cave, and naturally there's a large boulder positioned right on the crest of the platform that he slams into—So that it's ushered into a growingly violent roll directly after Rainbow Dash's multicolored flag of a tail. CRKKK-KKKKK!
“Crud!” Rainbow gasps and flaps her wings harder, surging forward to outfly the rampaging boulder. “Crud crud crud crud crud crud in a crud trough!”
The cave roars with explosion after explosion as the runaway boulder smashes through pillars, colemns, clefts of rock, and various other geological absurdities. As it barrels in on the blue Pegasus' hind quarters, the thunder becomes deaffening.
With the cave growing thinner, Rainbow Dash runs out of options for dodging left or right. “Nnnngh—OhgoshOhgoshOhgoshhhh--” She clenches her eyes shut, twirls upside down, and bravely surges ceilingwards, allowing the boulder to outroll her from a sneeze's distance below. Something whips past her nose. She reopens her eyes and gasps to see several stalactites zipping barely half an inch from her skull and chest. Sandwiched between the rumbling boulder below and the slicing spikes above, she can only fly in place and hold her lungs—tucking her belly in. At one point, a glistening sharp stalactite nips at her mane, slicing off a tiny prismatic lock of hair. A second one sings serratedly past her ear and rips through one of the belt straps of the saddlebag. SNIPP! Rainbow Dash grasps and swiftly swings her hooves down to catch the bag of jewels before it can fall down into the crunching boulder below. She desperately ties the dangling loose straps into a knot just as the thunder inside the cave increases tenfold. She glances ahead, and in her upside vision she sees the forked mouth of the cave—forked, because there is a thick pillar of rock stretching from floor-to-ceiling at the edge of the cavern, decidedly resting in the runaway boulder's path.
“Uhhh-Uhhhhhh--” She glances up, down, left, right--”ULP.” She gulps and flinches as everything that is everything comes to a crashing end. At the last second, she flips backwards--
SMASSSH! The rocky boulder hits the pillar, exploding into two shattered halves—And through the dust in between the ruptured rock chunks... .... ...a blue Pegasus victoriously emerges, spinning the debris off as she banks a right and roars down the last stretch of Cloven Canyon, and the gracefully soaring figure of Stu Leaves beyond.
“Aaaaah! AAAAAH!” Rainbow Dash lets out a war cry and tightens the hastily tied saddlestraps on her chest before beating her own breast with both hooves. “Who wants some, Equestria?!” She snorts out her nostrils. “Plenty more where that came from, you silly stupid land of magical horse friends! Bring it! Rgghhhh!” With a crazed look on her face, the rainbow colored pony angles her wings back like a steel arrowhead and shoots forth with the power of several invisible exploding stars.
In the meantime, Stu Leaves is pacing himself, maintaining an expert velocity as he eyes the distant upwards slope at the Southeast far edge of the canyon: the end of the race. As he comes around from briefly dodging a rock pillar, he double-glances sideways to see a blue figure roaring up to match his speed. “Wh-Whoah! Hey there!” He smiles breathily, the yellow and green streaks in his black mane billowing wildly behind him. “Finally! I was starting to get lonely!”
“Second Place is as lonely as it gets, pistachio-eyes!” Rainbow Dash pants and grins devilishly at him. “You wanna fit in at Cloudsdale? Go make yourself a crater in the Earth! HAH!” She blurs past him.
He blinks—Then grins and accelerates to match her.
Soon, both green and blue Pegasi are surging neck and neck, weaving in and around buttes and boulders and rock pillars. The setting Sun turns amber then crimson against the aged levels of rock whirring past their billowing manes as both ponies twist and spin and roar towards the finishing line together. Stu Leaves sweats and licks his lips in concentration. Rainbow Dash grimaces and hisses into the wind beating against her face. As the distant cheers of Wyndi and the other spectating Pegasi alight their ears, it's Rainbow Dash who starts to pull ahead—slowly—inch by inch.
Stu marvels at her, his breathless mouth agape. He chuckles into the crashing wind and exclaims: “H-Hey! You're good!”
She sneers back. “No—I'm the best! Hnnnnnghh--” Rainbow Dash strains and struggles, seeing the sloping earth ahead, the line of equine silhouettes laced above the canyon wall with stretching wings. She glances back—eyes tearing—as she revels in the distance she's gaining between Stu and herself. But that's not all. “H-Hey! Stu Leaves! Champion of Torontrot!!”
“Nnngh--!” He pants and barely manages to look ahead at her. “Wh-What...?”
Her eyes narrow. “Eat. My. Dust.” A shout, and Rainbow Dash stretches her wings straight out to either side. For the briefest of seconds, she stalls in-midair, only for her to flap her wings one more time, waving a concussion of sheer wind resistance back towards him in a bubble of distorted air. THOOOMMM!
“Whoah-Whoah-Whoahwhoahwhoah—AAAGH!” Stu Leaves howls helplessly as he flails in the air from the thunderous knockback. His twirling body screams down Earthward, ricochets off the canyon wall, bounces hard against a rock pillar, and slams meteor-hard into the ground. WHUD! “Ughhh--”
“Send my regards to gravity, you hay-brained melon fudge!” Rainbow Dash triumphantly roars as she curves upwards into an ascent, navigates the rising slope at the end of the canyon, and rockets over the finishing line in a prismatic blur of happy madness. SWOOOOOOSH!
Wyndi and the other Pegasi cheer insanely, their whoops and whistles filling the air as a bruised, dusty, breathless, but altogether relieved Rainbow Dash coasts southeasterly, gazing down at them with a smirk.
“Heh....Yeah.....Awwwwwww yeah....” Rainbow Dash accepts their praises with a waving hoof. “I swear to Alicornia!—This is the Most Awesome Day that Ever Awes--” THUD! She flies smack-dab into a random mountain side. Googly eyed, she slumps down the rocky face. “Unnngh---D-Dang it! Stupid mountain! You r-ruined moneyshot! Unff!”
Plop!

Now that the race has finished, now that Wyndi Breeze and her friends have given Rainbow a flurry of hugs and pats on the back, now that the three burly Pegasi bullies have limped on home under a dark cloud of grumbles and muted cusses, now that the burning red Sun is easing its melting way down over the horizon to her backside—Rainbow Dash waves goodbye to her parting 'admirers' and trots dazedly towards the edge of a mountain cliff, overlooking the distant haze of suburban Upper Clydesdallington far below.
“See ya guys later! Bye! Take care now!” She yawns, winces, and shakes the last remaining specks of dust from her main. “Nnnngh—Yeesh. Lousy bunch of nutrasweetened suck-ups.” She loudly cracks a few joints in her upper body. “Oh—OH yeah. Yeah, that hits the spot—Unnngh....Whew. 'Cloven Canyon'? More like 'Concussion Canyon'. Princess Luna on a Pogostick, what a rush!”
She fumbles a hoof over her chest and once more feels the haphazard knot made with the dangling ends of the shredded saddlebelt.
“Whew! That was a close one. I know Rarity isn't much for leather—But Celestia have mercy if she gets pee'd off at me for a little snip to her duds.” She plops her flank down in the red glow of the Sun and unties the saddlebag, holding it in front of her for closer inspection. “Yeesh—Dang spikes tore clear through the thing!” She turns the bag upside down. “Maybe I could get Fluttershy to help me stitch up some velcroooo--”
FWOOOOMP! A pile of red dust pours out of the flap of the saddlebag as the thing expels its now-powdery contents.
“--ooooooHHH-AYE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-GHH!” Rainbow Dash's eyes bug-out as she slaps the hollow bag over the offending mass of crimson bits. “..... .... .. .... ...” She glances every which way like a startled meerkat with dilated eyes. Slowly—wincingly—she lifts the open bag up, once more staring at the petrified remains of the crushed-to-bits rubies. “Uhhhh....... ..... ...Uhmmmm... ... ....” She blinks. “... ... ... ... .. ........Uhhhhhh....”
A gust of high mountain wind. A quarter of the red dust scampers off gaily into the atmosphere.
“MEEP!” Rainbow Dash once more slaps the bag safely over the unsafe debris. She bites her lip with a hissing noise: “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF—” Sweatdropping, she glances west towards Ponyville.....then east towards Cloudsallington. Then east again. Then west again. Then....

A large, iron-wrought, black gate marks the entrance to the luxurious three-story mansion that is Hoity Toity's estate. As the last rays of the sun glitter off the immaculate sidewalk, the bubbling fountains of the fashion overlord's front yard, the brass alicorn statues flanking his outer wall...
A loud scraping noise can be heard. A large, porcelain urn is being pushed into frame—and behind it is Rainbow Dash, nuzzling with her forehead, limbs buckling with all her might.
“Nnnnn-nnnnngh!” She finally pushes the heavy urn all the way until it taps into Hoity Toity's black gate. She slumps and pants, pants, pants—before shaking her mane, hovering up, and tapping a hoof onto a big black button.
DINNNNNG-DONNNNNG!
A deep breath, and she zips across the street—hiding in a bush besides the opposite sidewalk. Peering out from the shrubbery, she inhales sharply, taking in one last drink of the grand mansion, not bothering to wait for its celebrity occupant to trot out and acquire the 'delivery'.
“......Mmm......Eh......Who knows, he probably won't know the difference.” The blue Pegasus lazily shrugs and flutters off towards the western horizon. “Judging from the palace he lives in, the rich flake will probably just snort it.”