"So... the town's guard have three dozens of spears and around a hundred bows with enought arrows for three platoons in active service, with forty heavy armors and seventeen heavy shields, am I right?" Twilight Sparkle asked as she sat in front of a desk, looking at a sheet of paper with a data table on it, her eyes focused on the numbers in the quite small section at the top of the table " Yes Princess, the terrain isn't the best for heavy armored forces, so, we aimed to get a more 'mobile' guardsmare force"
"While I can understand why... I must ask something major, besides Tirek, why would you need such a huge guardsmare force?, as far as I know, New Horseleans is as peaceful as Ponyville, and Ponyville guardsmares are barely thirty five, while New Horseleans has a bigger population, I can't understand exactly why you need over a hundred guards"
"Have you ever seen a Cragadile princess?" Spoke the Major, as Twilight ears folded a bit in embarassment upon hearing that "Y...yes..."
"So, I'm sure you would understand that besides Tirek's shenanigans we need a proper force to deal with the dangerous fauna, while most of the animals are as cuddly and cute as they are all over Equestria, some beasts wouldn't feel overwhelmed if they were sent to the Everfree... in fact, I'm bucking sure that those reptiles could be dragons!... Ummm sorry for the swear" The major said as she quickly lifted her left leg, showing Twilight an rather nasty looking scar on her side "Dear Celestia!, How did you end up with that wound!"
"When I was a filly, I was dared to boop the snout of a sleeping Cragadile, I did that and ran away as if Nightmare Moon herself was behind me, while I managed to avoid getting eaten by the young beast, those jaws did some nasty damage..." The major explained as she gave a little sigh "However, with a proper Guardsmare force I was able to get those beasts away from the main roads and rivers, while those things still lurk out there, I'm sure that nopony has been eaten ever since I rose to power... either that or those things have gotten smarter, but I doubt that those wannabe dragons can actually do that"
The major had an aura of pride as she said that, she seemed to really dislike Cragadiles... Twilight listened to her, but deep in her heart, she was thankful that Fluttershy wasn't here to listen to the most... explicit details... however now that she heard them, she herself wasn't exactly feeling well listening to those details either, if she didn't knew that this mare was a major, she would feel as if she was listening to a horror writer...
"Major, the sailor is here, can she enter?" The voice of the aide came from the outside of the room, allowing Twilight to breath a little as the Major shifted her attention from her speech about the cragadiles towards the closed door "Princess?"
"Y...yes" Twilight coughed a little as she recovered from her small daze, looking towards the door and speaking out loud "Please, Come in!"
"Oi' Mate, don't push me around, I have hooves too you know!" The door opened up in a rather violent way, as two mares were quick to make way inside, the aide was standing behind, with a slightly annoyed look, meanwhile another mare was quick to make her path towards the Major "Greetings, Loud current..."
As the elderly mare was welcoming the newcomer, great was the surprise of everyone when the sailor suddenly lunged forwards her horn lighting up, her magic dragging the major towards in a violent manner.
"Listen up you putrid seaweed!" The sailor, Loud Current, slammed her forehead against the major's one, gritting her teeth, her voice having a rather dangerous venom on it "YOU, ARSEHOLE, WILL GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THIS BUCKING PLACE, AND ORDER EVERYPONY TO BE PREPARED, WE HAVE BUCKING PIRATES COMING HERE, AND THEY AREN'T FRIENDLY AT ALL!"
"H...hey, you two, calm down!" Twilight quickly used her magic to separate them, quickly galloping to stand bewteen them, barely stopping the Major from hitting Current, as elderly as she was, it was clear who was the strongest of the two when it came to muscle "Oi' a Princess!, Good Celestia finally someone who isn't a cowardly bitch!"
"Who are you calling a Cowardly bitch!" The elder mare almost lunged towards Current, however, Twilight managed to hold her in place, swallowing nervously, using her wing to quickly lower the dangerously raised hoof of the Major "Please... there's no need to insult each other... now, let's just sit down... and solve this like adults... allright?"
It took Twilight several minutes to calm the two mares... at least, enought to get them to sit down, however, it was clear that the second any clash, no matter how small, happened... well, both of them would be quick to lunge towards each other and solve things with violence, a notion, that the Princess really abhorred.
"Well... Princess Twilight... Please, listen up, let's be reasonable here, what's the chance that there are pirates out there?" However she was soon interrupted "Don't be silly you old hag!, there are lots of pirates out there, I saw them, I even fought them!
"Please, tell me how much time we have before they arrive" Twilight gave a little slam to the desk with her hooves, to get them to listen to her and stop infighting "Do you know how much time we have?"
"Well... I think that a day or two... they must be somewhat lost even if they were pretty close from here, the waves were merciless, and so was the storm, it was horrible, for a moment we believed we had stumbled upon the nightmarish Sea of Tartarus, and, of top of that, those bucking pirrates used some sort of magic to snipe most of the crew, those who managed to survive the magical shots, and the dangerous temper of the sea, ended up dying to the attack of those cannons, I swear I've never seen a weapon as dangerous as those things."
"Oh please, as if Pirates could have such things in first place, there's no way a bunch of savages in a ship could have them!, I mean, think about it for a second, have you actually ever seen a royal guard regiment with cannons?!"
"I'm bucking sure of what I saw you old bitch, what i'm not exactly sure is if you are still sane, because to me, you look senile already you arsehole!"
"Silence, please!" Twilight ordered slamming her hooves against the desk once again, being clearly stressed with the overall situation "Look, With Pirates or withouth them, we need to get ready to deal with any possible trouble that may be brewing in the sea, be it because of an storm or because of assault, the truth is, that there are ponies lost out there!"
"Fair point Miss, but, we cannot risk going to the sea to rescue them with a damaged ship and a few dozens of guardsmares, specially when the pirates will end up attacking us one way or the other!" Current was quick to answer, before slamming her hoof into the desk making a little dent on it "Besides, Smarty flank over here still thinks that her re-election is worth the death of good honest, hardworking mares!, if this isn't corruption, I don't know what is it!"
"How dare you!" The major couldn't hold it any longer, giving the sailor a body slam, throwing her to the floor, soon she stomped forwards standing tall and clearly enraged "That is it!, I'm tired of listening to you, one thing is saying shit, and the other is actually blaming me of corruption, square up Filly, this ol' mare will teach you some manners!"
"Bring it on bitch!" She quickly rolled to her hooves standing up in a matter of seconds, stomping the floor in a warning, both mares gritting their teeth and leering to each other in pure anger, words have failed them it seems "BOTH OF YOU SIT DOWN THIS INSTANT!"
"Hmm, don't you smell something odd?" Downstairs, Spike was sitting on a couch, enjoying a little cup of water, meanwhile Rarity was sitting on the same couch combing her hair, while Duly was enjoying an small cup of tea "Well... now that you mention it..."
"Yes, its a bit odd" Duly answered after Rarity, the trio smelling that something wasn't exactly right upstairs, the mare was quick to continue "It smells... like ash?"
"Oh... should we go upstairs then to help the princess?" Duly asked and Spike was quick to shake his head "Nope, there's no need to do that mister, whenever Twilight shouts that way... its better to just stand aside, unless you are pinkie pie and her strange pinkie sense"
Right on cue, from an open window, a cupcake was thrown inside, hitting Spike right on the snout making him fall from the couch as the leftovers of the cupcake scattered on the wall forming a rather elegant looking sentence being far bigger that it was possible for it to be.
Yes! Twi was really surprised when she couldn't understand my Pinkie sense!, just how I'm surprised how I could throw a cupcake so far and hit exactly what I wanted to! Hope you like chocomint and banana flavored cupcakes spikey!
P.S. PLEASETELLMEEVERYTHINGYOULEARNTHEREIMRUNNINGOUTOFBADJOKESJUSTLIKEIRANOUTOFCUPCAKESFORTHISMESSA
"Is...is he allright?" Duly asked clearly frightened by the sudden situation, meanwhile Spike climbed up the couch once again licking his face clean of cupcake "Hmm, Pinkie really outdone herself with this Banana-chocomint!"
"Yes, In fact, I'm not surprised that this happened Darling, what surprises me is that Pinkie actually sent a Post-script in this Messenger-Cupcake"
And so, the trio downstairs laughted a bit, meanwhile upstairs... let's just say that three mares ended up with burnt eyebrows.