The next morning, Mystic was still fast asleep, the warmth of Sunny's body keeping his worries at bay as he lay beside her. Sunny, on the other hoof, was restless and couldn’t sleep at all, preferring to keep watch over him, and mentally rehearse everything she kept from him.
Once dawn arrived, Mystic’s consciousness returned as he felt the tenseness of his mother’s body beside him. Mystic rubbed his eyes, and as he opened them, Sunny sighed, and her shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry, did I wake you, darling?” he heard Sunny mutter groggily.
Mystic squeezed her hoof and said, “N-no, I was already basically awake anyway…” he started to explain but stopped when the light leaking into the room illuminated Sunny’s wet red eyes. Mystic sat up and asked her, “Mom... Are you okay?” his tired voice said, laced with concern. Mystic wasn’t oblivious, he knew Sunny often tried to appear stronger than she felt.
“M-mom, be honest, were you crying just now? he questioned, his voice cracking with worry. Even though Mystic had woken up from a deep sleep, understanding what was upsetting his mother became his top priority, despite his own fears.
“There’s.. well.. Now, that’s a hard question sweetie,” Sunny said hesitantly.
"What? No it’s not," Mystic thought, slightly annoyed.
“Mom, please be honest with me,” Mystic said, sounding concerned.
“I.. I’m fine darling,” Sunny mumbled under her breath and said, “You don’t need to worry about me,” she said calmly.
“Mom, please can...” but Sunny cut him off.
“Hey, why don’t we get some light in this stuffy room,” Sunny said, her voice sounding oddly spirited.
With a flick of her horn, a soft golden glow enveloped one of the dangling cord strings. She gave it a gentle pull downward, and the slats of the blinds began to rise, parting row by row as thin ribbons of morning light filtered inside. As the blinds reached their zenith at the top of the window, the shadows retreated, and the space gradually filled with the sun’s warmth.
Mystic watched, transfixed, trying to shake off his wonder. Sunny had such a graceful finesse with her magic, even as she performed the most basic tasks, and it was beautiful to watch, but he wasn’t going to let her drop the topic with what he assumed to be a distraction. He was still upset over her previous evasion, and his wounds were too deep to ignore.
“That’s better! Now, I can see my boy,” Sunny said, smiling happily as her energy returned to her bright green eyes. “C’mon let me make you breakfast and,” she said with vigor before Mystic interrupted her.
“Can you just.. just.. For once just answer my question,” Mystic said, scowling at her overly cheerful tone. Frustrated with his poor articulation, he tried to explain himself, “It’s not gonna make me happy if you act like everything is fine.” Mystic huffed and turned his head away from her in anger, clearly upset that she still felt the need to adopt her motherly facade even after yesterday’s events.
Sunny sighed. She was slipping back into the mask she developed to protect herself, not him, from pain.
“I’m.. sorry..” she said, and looked away. “I.. just love you so much,” she said as she sniffled away fresh tears.
“I-I love you too Mom,” Mystic said and softened, he wasn’t used to seeing his mother so distressed. Mystic leaned his head into her side, and she lovingly stroked his mane. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she said sadly, whispering into his ears.
“W-why do you say that?” he said and allowed her to hold him as long as she needed. Sunny nuzzled his neck and then released him. She proceeded carefully, and deliberately, with her next batch of words. “Because.. there’s.. a lot I haven’t told you. I know that you know this. I was thinking about how scared you were last night.. and my first instinct was to make you feel better. I just.. got carried away. I wasn’t intentionally trying to deceive you,” she said honestly.
“Oh, um.. That does make sense.. Sorry mom..” he said regretfully, accepting her explanation.
Sunny placed a hoof on his back and smiled, “It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize,” she said soothingly, and his shoulders slumped.
Sunny internally shuddered; she had grown far too accustomed to deception. It cut her deep to see how badly she had damaged things with him. After spending so much time convincing herself that her lies were for Mystic’s benefit, it was far too easy to slip back into that mindset. It was like her charade was a poorly tightened knot, and she grit her teeth at the thought of its loose threads coming fully undone.
Mystic stayed silent and stared at her intensely, studying her face, and she met his gaze back with resolve. He smiled and nodded, content, but was still lost in a storm of dark thoughts swirling in his mind. “Well.. if you aren’t going to lie to me.. I-I want to know about dad,” he said firmly, looking at her directly.
“I.. know you do sweetie,” Sunny said. Sunny figured he would ask about Firelight the first chance he got. “But.. before I do, would you do me one favor?” she said, trying to assert her last shreds of leverage.
Sunny certainly didn't want him to feel coerced but was deeply concerned about the visceral reaction he had to his nightmare. It killed her not knowing the cause of his tears. She had caused him enough pain. The stars above would have to forgive her if she was wrong to push, because, despite what the doctor told her, and despite the lies she told herself, it was too hard not knowing how he felt anymore.
Mystic took a minute to consider it, but after seeing her genuine guilt in being called out, he accepted her condition. “I.. o-okay, mom. What is it? Then you promise to tell me everything?” he said cautiously.
“Yes, I absolutely promise. In fact.. I had a nightmare too.. But I just wanted to know what yours was about before I tell you mine. If you recall, you were going to tell me last night but..."
“Wait.. really?” Mystic asked, surprised. “You had a bad dream too?” he said.
“Yes, but.. I was focused on comforting you. Mystic you’re.. the pride and joy of my life,” Sunny said gently, her eyes glistening as they became damp. So.. please.. as your mother, I really need to know what upset you so badly,” she said worriedly.
“Okay, mom, I... I… I’ll try," Mystic said, voice cracking as he listlessly looked down, lost in thoughts that he often kept under lock and key. When he looked back up, he wore a look of a despondent colt fraught with raw fear and hurt.
Sunny, hoping to help ground him, leaned in close, and placed her hoof on his. Mystic uneasily accepted the gesture and remained tense, but not wanting to appear to be rejecting her affection, kept his back upright against the bed's large pillows as he faintly fidgeted with his other limbs. Mystic opened his mouth to reply, but quickly shut it, instead going silent for a moment. Did he really deserve it?
Mystic let out a long drawn-out exhale, completely relieving himself of all the air in his lungs, and breathed in and out a few times, “I-I-I was.. In a library, t-they forced me t-to do a spell I didn’t understand.. I-I lost.. C-control a-and..” Mystic’s voice became tiny and physically shrunk his body.
“Mystic.. What? Who forced you?” Sunny said, shocked and outraged, but kept her anger in check. Sunny never learned the details of what had happened since she never got the school’s report, and Mystic had always been too scared to tell her himself.
“I-I don’t know! I can’t remember! They were just some ponies in my class!” Mystic loudly said, snapping at her. “They were.. older than me. That’s all I know,” he said as his breathing became ragged and he shook a little. Sunny’s chest twisted in on itself, and her throat tightened. "I should have known!“ she thought, unsurprised that the bullies’ were foals that understood Mystic's developing biology.
“It’s okay, do your best. You.. were saying you lost control?” Sunny replied, urging him to continue with his memory.
“I.. yeah, I think,” Mystic said, growing more agitated. Sunny softly rubbed his back, and Mystic flinched by flicking his tail. “I-I don’t know what happened to me.. The magic.. I felt.. like it.. i-it did something to me when I cast the spell..” Mystic said with confused anger, annoyed that he wasn’t entirely sure how the spell affected him.
“What do you think it did? ..Sweetie, whatever happened, you’re safe now,” Sunny said, calmly and reassuringly. Mystic reluctantly recalled how he sunk into darkness and how he repeatedly failed to cast a basic illumination spell, his whole body trembling as he did so.
“Then.. Y-you.. you.. a-and dad.. were t-there too… ignoring me,” he said quietly, tears building up in his eyes, Sunny’s heart skipping a beat as she listened.
“W-why did you ignore me?!” Mystic said, practically growling as he clenched his teeth.
“What? Mystic, we’d never,” Sunny said, panicked, but he cut her off.
“TELL ME WHY!” he shrieked in a horribly morose combination of anger and grief as his facial muscles contorted and the veins in his neck bulged. Mystic began to full on cry and tiny blue sparks intensely fizzled off his horn, filling the air with a low electrical current, making the fur on both of their coats rise.
Sunny gathered strength in preparation, but she didn’t intervene, not yet. She knew this energy had to come out naturally. She exhaled and began to fill her magical reserves, priming them for the incoming torrent of chaotic energy. A pool of her golden aura built at the base of her horn, which made its way along the rings to the top, waiting calmly and patiently for her command.
As he cried, his small body shook violently as small arcs of lightning danced around his horn. The static electricity around him became volatile, instigating random bolts of mana to shoot off in random directions. “Mom, I need your help!” he shouted, with a visceral panic in his voice that she had never heard before. Sunny channeled her energy to counteract his, but couldn’t find a good moment to act.
“Mystic! You have to,” Sunny called out to him, but that proved useless, and a large beam of mana fired off from his horn. Reflexively, she summoned an absorptive barrier at the last second, taking in all of his rampant emotions that came from the beam.
“Mom! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that!!” Mystic screamed in fear. Every muscle in his body tensed up, and a stream of tears fell down his cheeks.
He began hyperventilating, and Sunny immediately sprung into action. She knelt down, placed her hooves on his shoulders, and locked eyes with him. “I know you didn’t! Honey, it’s important that you take deep breaths with me. Remember?” she said, projecting her voice with an unwavering confidence. Mystic moved his head up and down rapidly.
“Follow my lead. One…in. Two…out. Three…in, ” Sunny said firmly, beginning a breathing exercise they’d practiced before. “Good job! You’re doing great. One more time.”
Sunny continued to guide him with soft and rhythmic counting as she took in steady breaths through her diaphragm, her ribcage inflating and deflating, visually encouraging him to do the same. Mystic’s shallow, erratic heartbeats gradually steadied as he focused on the vivid bright green of his mother’s eyes. After a couple of minutes of deep breathing cycles, they synced with each other, and Mystic’s crying lessened into sniffles.
Warmth spread through Mystic’s body as his oxygen returned, allowing his taut muscles to loosen. Sunny smiled and closed her eyes, and Mystic followed her example. Mystic looked down, flushed, let out one final deep exhale, and with his body shaking a little, spoke in a pained whisper.
“M-mom I’m really really sorry.. About hiding this from you.. I mean.. I.. almost hurt you. But I did it because.. because.. The spell t-they forced me to do.. I think it m-messed up my magic in some way.. and I.. didn’t want to disappoint you and dad.. So I k-kept this from you,” he said, in strained fragments of words, and sniffled again, unable to continue.
Sunny’s face twisted up, deeply saddened by the profession of his deepest fears that she now finally understood. Sunny steeled herself against the self-blame she felt coming on and focused her mind on Mystic. Soothingly, she stroked the upper part of his mane and brushed away the stray strands of hair that covered his eyes.
“Mystic, sweetie, first off, don’t apologize. You have nothing to feel sorry for. Your father and I would never be ashamed of you, even if you truly couldn’t control your magic. We’d help you work through it, I promise,” Sunny said reassuringly, and nestled his cheek. “But.. as it turns out, I believe I know what’s going on here,” she said sagely.
“Y-you do?” Mystic’s eyes lit up with joy, and he stopped sniffling.
“Yes, indeed,” Sunny said, smiling. But, when she continued, her face dropped to a more neutral expression, “I.. don’t know whether to blame that academy or myself for not teaching you sooner but…” she paused to consider her language, and decided to use the proper terminology.
“Mystic, sweetie, you’re experiencing what’s known as emotionally-triggered magical flare-ups and they are perfectly normal for your age. It means you’re healthy, Mystic. And it also means my little boy is growing up,” Sunny explained and beamed, but deep inside, she felt a melting pot of different emotions, ranging from pride to regret to anger.
“But w-what about t-the spell and the…” Mystic sputtered in frustration, struggling to understand the scope of how the flare-ups affected him.
“Mystic, focus on my words and listen, alright?” Sunny replied in a calm voice. Mystic nodded, and tried to do as he was told. Sunny wrapped an arm around him, and he recoiled a little, “Odd..” she thought.
“Okay, well, it’s a little technical, but it's all about your body’s ability to regulate its magic and emotions at the same time. Let me try to explain, as your body learns to regulate its developing magical system, it's also trying to regulate the emotion-based framework it uses to power spells. The important part is, when the body is very scared, it activates the fight or flight response, and due to the dysregulation, it causes an uncontrollable burst of magic. I.. know it’s a lot. Are you with me?” Sunny questioned, not wanting to overwhelm him.
“Uh huh. I think so?” Mystic said, shaking his head yes, still looking unsure. “Hm, try to think of your magic existing in an expanding container that allows you to hold more of it as you age. The issue is, the strength of your magic is highly dependent on your emotions. Do.. you see what I am getting at?” she asked.
“Container..” Mystic said pensively. “Oh. You mean my magic's reserves? I think I learned about them in school.”
“That’s good! Then you’ll definitely understand this next part,” Sunny said, smiling. “As I said, your magic reserves expand as you age. Like those growth spurts you’ve been having lately,” Sunny said, and Mystic rolled his eyes. “But what about that fight or flight response you mentioned?”
Sunny sighed, wishing she had made him smile, “That’s your body’s natural response to danger. Normally, you don’t use all of your magic at once, so you automatically save it for later. But, when you’re afraid, your body opens up like a.. hidden compartment in them, giving you access to everything in case you need it. Except, your body doesn’t know how to manage the new amount of magic yet, and well, that’s what causes the outbursts. Does.. that all make sense?”
“Y-yeah, I think so. Thanks. B-but mom, how can I ever get better at controlling these outbursts? Should I just.. try to never be afraid? I-I don’t think I could do that…” Mystic said and frowned.
"No, sweetie, you’re right you couldn’t. Because that’s impossible. You can’t never be afraid. Feeling afraid is natural, and you shouldn’t ignore it. The goal is learning healthy ways to manage your emotions until your body grows a bit more," Sunny explained thoughtfully.
“O-okay.. But.. why did it go so wrong..?” Mystic asked.
“I suspect that.. That spell they made you cast, backfired on you, and your fear only made its effects worse. And I also suspect that they knew it would,” Sunny said, voice edging on sorrow. “Mystic those ponies.. took advantage of you,” she said with thinly veiled disgust.
Mystic’s throat tightened and said, “Oh.. um.. I.. yeah, I know, mom,” Mystic broke eye contact with her and kept his eyes fixated on a comb that was lying on her dresser, letting his shoulders sag as his face wore an expression of defeat.
Sunny’s heart leaped as she realized the stupidity of that last comment and quickly added, “Well.. What’s important is that you remember that none of it was your fault,” she affirmed authoritatively.
She was just so angry at his aggressors. She had to know more, and Sunny prodded further, “Mystic, if it’s okay for me to ask, do you know.. why they targeted you..? Was there any reason?” she inquired cautiously.
Mystic closed his eyes and sighed despondently, “Yeah.. it’s fine,” he said with trepidation. “Um.. I spoke up in class.. Like I um.. answered questions and stuff.. Like a lot. And I guess.. They didn’t like when I did that,” he said, leaving his eyelids closed and thoughts unfinished.
Sunny cursed to herself and thought regretfully, "Ugh, how could I have been so blind?”
“Mystic.. you know, I was just like you when I was younger,” she said, blinking away fresh tears.
“Y-you were?” Mystic said, surprised, and lay down beside her to comfort her. “It’s true. I was so eager in class, I wanted to show off.. and they made fun of me for it.. Uh, anyways, the point being, I know what it’s like, and I know you’re probably very confused right now,” she said, trying to console him while wiping her eyes.
“I.. yeah. I don’t get it. I never did anything mean to them,” Mystic said as his ears drooped, and Sunny patted his back, “I know it doesn’t make sense but someponies are just cruel.. It took me a long time to realize that,” she said.
“But.. you need to promise me something.. please don’t hide these things from me. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong. So, can you please tell me what happened after school?” Sunny pleaded.
“C-can’t you just trust me that I’m fine now? I wasn't lying,” Mystic said, agitated. "Besides, I told you everything I know.. and you.. haven't. Mom, you promised,” Mystic said and exhaled an unsteady breath.
“Mystic.. I.. I..” the bitter taste of salt water in Sunny’s throat became unmistakable, and the effort to hold back a tidal wave of tears felt insurmountable.
No apologies felt adequate because no words could describe her soul-crushing guilt. She had made mistakes no mother should ever make, and it left her paralyzed with fear. When he was in danger, she wasn’t there, and when he asked for honesty, she lied through her teeth so she could live in denial.
“I.. I’m.. Oh, Mystic.. I-I’ve f-failed you as a mother,” Sunny choked out, her whole body trembling as tears streamed out of her eyes and down her nose.
Mystic’s heart sank at the sight of his mother crying, and he hugged her as she buried her face in her hooves, feeling her quivering under her shoulders. “No, w-what? N-no, how could you say that? You didn't!” he said, scared by his mother's sobs. She always appeared to be in control.
“I-I’m so sorry,” Sunny said through incessant sniffles. As Mystic looked into his mother’s tear-stained eyes, he felt a sickening feeling arrive in the pit of his stomach, but asked his question anyway. “D-did something happen to dad?” he said shakily.
“Honey.. Well, I-I that is what I.. I mean, it’s likely that he..” Sunny gulped, “I-if you’d allow me to show you something,” she said frantically, struggling to string together a coherent thought in her distraught state.
Without specifying what she meant, Sunny said warily, “It arrived in a package shortly after you left for school. A letter and.. also.. something else I neglected to share, something you were probably curious about,” she said, as she leaned back. Her pale golden glow encapsulating the shiny silvery necklace around her neck. A small click from a latch was heard, and she held it up in front of him. “It was also in the package—”
“No! I can’t take something that dad gave you,” Mystic wailed in defiance.
“He wanted y-you to have it, Mystic,” Sunny said guiltily. “It’s a locket with your initials engraved in it. It w-was never meant for me,” she said, struggling to continue. “Here...”
Sunny relinquished it into his magic’s light blue aura for him to inspect, allowing him to see the inside of the heart-shaped metallic container. Mystic put his muzzle up to its smooth, shiny surface, revealing two amateurishly carved letters, an M and an H, and for the longest time, he stared at them, not saying anything.
“Why.. didn’t you give it to me then? Mystic asked insistently. “Please mom. You have to tell me. For both of us. For dad...” Mystic said as he looked her deep in the eyes.
“You have to believe me, I wanted to. I just.. couldn’t. Not then.. Because that would mean.. I’d have to first.. have to accept that.. he might not come back. And everything spiraled out of control from there, I.. I began telling myself.. No, convincing myself he might.. but.. but I knew what I’d done,” Sunny found it difficult to maintain eye contact, but she did, and her vision became wet and bleary at Mystic’s sad, pained stare.
“W-what you’ve done?” Mystic said with confused anguish. Sunny sniffled and said, “The letter.. You need to see it. To understand.”
Sunny stumbled off the bed and made her way to the dresser opposite the bed. Sunny pulled open the bottom drawer she had crammed the letter in, finding it crumpled up and tear-stained, precisely like the memories that were left of Firelight now. Sunny carefully took it out and returned to sit next to Mystic, pulling him close as she read it out loud.
To my beloved wife and son
Sunny Daze and Mystic Heart,
Sunny, my love, I'm writing this to tell you I'm being deployed for an assignment soon. You were right, I was reckless, and I know I could have been a much better father to him. I just pray that one day you’ll forgive me for my transgressions against our family. I don't know how long I'll be gone for, but I do know, you deserve to have a husband you can be proud of.
And Mystic, my little soldier, my son, I'm so proud of you, and I regret not spending more time with you. I know that you were having trouble finding your cutie mark, your purpose, which is why it pains me that I have so little time to write out this message. You see, I believe you have a special gift, Mystic. In my field, they call it having the heart of a healer. Unfortunately, I'm afraid anything else I say wouldn't be much help. The art of healing is unique to everypony. Mystic, you'll just need to have faith that you will discover what that means for yourself. As long as you have the courage to keep trying, I have no doubt you will.
Most importantly, I love you two more than anything else in this life, and I’d never let our bond be broken, regardless of what happens to me. Because, well, Sunny, do you remember what I told you all those years ago? The stars connect us to the past, the present, and to the future. There’s always been more to their twinkle. Just look up, and you'll see. I promise you this isn't goodbye.
Yours forever,
Firelight Dawn
A long silence fell over the duo until Mystic choked out between sobs, "Mom.. w-what really happened..? Between y-you and dad..? I-I.. dad never even mentioned that I might have a gift.."
Sunny gulped and shivered, "I suppose I.. should start with the time.. dad took you sledding for your birthday. Do you.. remember it?” she asked mournfully. "If at all..."
“I.. um.. uh..” he muttered and nodded slowly, “Yeah, I.. kind of do. My memory is fuzzy.. um I, dad was showing me how to do a spell.. but I.. I don't know, something bad happened when I couldn’t do it...” he said, grimacing.
“Mystic, the truth is.. you had a serious accident because of him, and I knew you were hiding that fact from me that night. So, of course, I asked you what your secret was.. and you told me, before bed, that dad had healed you from your injuries.. when you guys were playing around," Sunny said, struggling to continue."I was enraged that he put you in danger. But.. for the sake of our family.. we, ultimately, decided it’d be best for you to forget the memory. You were so young.. so we just thought it'd be for the best,” she said, becoming misty-eyed. "But that.. was a mistake. It sparked.. years of resentment.. and arguments.." she said, and began to grimly recount the fights she had with him, including the one in her recent nightmare. "I yelled at him Mystic.. said things no loving pony should ever say.. I.. I.."
Mystic began to catch out to what had unfolded and felt like a dark shroud had been lifted from his eyes, only for a weight to be placed on his heart, "Mom, it's okay.. we all say things we don't mean when we're upset," he said, desperately trying to console her.
"But.. it's not.. okay. If I hadn't yelled.. I may have been able to prevent him from leaving f-for this recent assignment.. To convince him of its dangers.. To convince him the last thing I needed was for him to feel like he had something to prove.." Sunny replied.
"Wait, what.. do you mean?" Mystic asked.
"Mystic.. your father was.. so very passionate, he was a.. gifted healer. So, when he enlisted in the Royal Guard, he did so because he wanted to help as many ponies as he could with his gift, a gift that he thought you might inherit one day. I think the reason he held back in telling you about it.. was to guide you himself.. it's.. even in your name, you know," Sunny said sadly, and Mystic's eyes widened slightly. "O-oh..." was all he managed as he looked down at the ruffled bedsheets.
"But um.. yes so.. that is why he was gone so frequently.. his work, kept him very busy.." Sunny said. "A-and.. about a m-month before we moved, he had been promoted recently, to a h-high-risk battalion..." she said, and sobbed, completely breaking down into a mess of tears, unable to look at her son.
“Mystic, I'm so so sorry I lied about all of this.. I know it's no excuse, but I didn't want you to blame yourself. And I.. wanted to deny he was gone.. so when we moved, it was to.. to.. run away, I guess. Ugh, Firelight h-he.. didn't even want us to move. Mystic I understand if.. you never want to forgive me for this."
Mystic placed his head against his mother’s chest, hugged her tightly, and then looked up at her from below. “Mom.. you're missing one thing though," Mystic said lovingly.
"H-huh..? W-what is that?" Sunny replied listlessly.
"Mom... He loved you. He loved us, and.. I forgive you. And.. so would he," Mystic said, sniffling. "I know now that you were just trying to protect me, both of you, and I won't allow you to think this was all your fault. So if.. if it's alright with you, I'd like to help you.. carry this burden. It will.. be easier if we do it together."
“Mystic I think.. that would be nice,” Sunny said, and for the first time in a while, she smiled. A true, genuine smile. They both did.