Within the library of Twilight’s castle, the Mane 6 searched through the complete history of Equestria, each reading a different volume in order to track down their missing friend Anon.
But so far they had found little to no trace of him.
“Have you tried Griffonian Imperial history Vol 1 through 9?” Twilight asked.
“Sugarcube, I know more about the geopolitical situation of late antiquity Griffonia more than any scholar, Anon ain’t there” Applejack explained.
“Zebrica?” Twilight asked, hoping for better answers.
“Nothing I’m afraid Darling, but I have gotten some ideas for outfits from these Maregyptian queens” Rarity explained.
“Well we’ll keep looking until we find him” Twilight stated.
“Hey Twily?” Pinkie asked.
“Yes Pinkie?” Twilight replied.
“Maybe we’re looking in the wrong place, Nonny said he’s going to see the Princesses as foals, we don’t really have any historical records from that time. Everything before the tribes solidifying is up to speculation, so maybe we should check the myths section” Pinkie suggested.
Once more, Pinkie managed to surprise her friends.
“Pinkie, you scare me sometimes” Rainbow admitted.
“I know” Pinkie giggled.
Little did any of them know, Pinkie had a degree in history and mythology.
…
While trying to relax during her pregnancy, Celestia couldn’t escape certain King Faisil visiting, still determined to forge a marriage between Equestria and Saddle Arabia.
“As I have said before your Majesty, I’m not interested in a blood alliance, apologies for your long trip here for nothing” Celestia stated calmly, having gotten tired of his persistence.
“With all due respect your Highness your options are shrinking, your continued enabling of the thestral isn’t winning you many allies”
…
Weeks after Anon’s incident at the Gala but before his first meeting with Cream Heart he was enjoying the bachelor's lifestyle to the fullest.
“Ooh a new oven!” Anon said in delight as he looked over the unlabeled gift.
Pulling it inside and getting it set up, Anon went about deciding what to make first.
“Oh this is the perfect time to try out that recipe cousin Bartholomew J Anon taught me back when I visited him in England” Anon thought to himself.
Putting together the ingredients, Anon prepared his meal.
“Ok, three eggs, flour and milk. Mix it all together to make the batter. Cook 3 sausages, 3 rashes of bacon, three slices of black pudding, some two portobello mushrooms. Put them all in the baking tray, pour over the batter and cook at 230 c for thirty minutes” Anon said to himself as he prepared his full English Yorkshire Pudding.
“Mmmm, fattening” Anon hummed to himself.
But his dreams of caloric heaven were dashed by a mysterious ticking sound.
“Hey what’s this pipe-like thing stuck to the back? And why does it say made in Saddle Arabi- OH FUCK!” Anon called out before a loud bang shook the town.
When the Mane 6 got there they found Anon, unharmed but covered in soot.
“Who would send you an exploding oven?” Rainbow asked.
“How the hell am I supposed to know?” Anon asked, nursing the headache he had gotten from the event.
“Hey lookie! I found something!” Pinkie said pulling out a piece of metal from the wreckage.
Property of the Saddle Arabian royal army.
“The king is behind this? I’ll write to Princess Celestia right now. Anon you go to Nurse Redheart and- where’s Anon?” Twilight said, before discovering Anon had vanished.
Days later in the palace of the Saddle Arabian royal family, King Faisil was heading to his bedchamber to join his queen and wife Farah in bed.
When he reached the door, Faisil had to stop. Through the wall he could hear the sound of giggling and moaning.
Throwing the doors open he saw Farah, a white coated mare with many jewels braided into her long black mane, her lower body hidden under their silk sheets with a mysterious lump underneath them.
“Farah!? What is the meaning of this!?” Faisil demanded.
“Faisil!? I-I can explain!” She stuttered in fear.
Before she could indeed explain, a large green thestral jumped out from under the sheets, a boombox in hoof.
“You!” Faisil sneered.
That’s when the boombox started spitting out sick beats.
Wait you douchebag,
I’m gonna end your life,
I am Anon Zero,
And I’m here to plough your wife!
I bring sex moves from the Internet and my skills are vast!
Like my Super Double Mega Ultra Nut Buster cum blast,
Oh!
Mares can’t resist my night-black flowing locks,
I’ll slap a stamp right on my package and deliver the queen the cock,
My fluffy coat is green,
The colour of victory,
While your fruity saddles blue,
Like your balls will soon be!
…
Back in the throne room, Faisil turned off the projector, anger still covering his face.
“Wait, how did you record all of this?” Luna asked, having walked in mid conversation on her way to get some toast.
“I keep a recording gem on me at all times, also I put on in the oven to make sure it worked” Faisil explained.
Celestia contemplated what she just saw for a moment before coming to a sound conclusion.
“Get out of my palace Faisil, I’m too pregnant for your shit” Celestia stated.
AN: Also Anon’s song was inspired by this