Bob was woken up by a Twilight Sparkle, who wanted to ‘get the day started early’. Of course, Bob woke up pretty quickly when he heard something tumble down the stairs, which was accompanied with a bunch of grunts and ‘oof’s and ‘ows’ from the purple unicorn. In a heartbeat, he was out of his bed and was making his way downstairs. Low and behold, Twilight was laying on the floor, at the bottom, while rubbing her head. She was still laying on her belly, and groaning. “Are you alright?” Bob stepped around the unicorn, and sat down beside her.
“Yeah, I just went down the stairs a little too quickly; I’m just so excited to introduce you to the rest of Ponyville that I didn’t watch my steps on the way down.” The unicorn groaned, and was promptly pulled onto the human’s lap. “I’ll be fine though, go brush your teeth and take a shower…” The human’s fingers pressed against the side of Twilight’s head, and they started rubbing. “Oh, this feels nice,” she sighed as Bob moved onto rubbing her neck and petting her. “How did you end up being a criminal again?” Twilight asked.
“I couldn’t get food legally,” Bob said flatly. “I might be a scumbag, but I try to be a decent human being. I may not go to heaven when I die, but I want God to hesitate before he throws me into hell.” Bob chuckled at that joke. Twilight didn’t get it, though.
“I don’t know what that is, so I’m probably going to ask you what that is later. However, the first thing we’re doing,” Twilight said. “After you’re done scratching my neck, of course,” she sighed and leaned into it. “First, I’ll ask you a bunch of questions about what you are, who you are, and what your race does. Next, I’ll take you on a tour around Ponyville, and then we’ll get you on your first job. Maybe even get you enrolled in a school since I think you’ll need an education.” Bob tilted his head and stopped scratching. “I mean, you seem and act a bit barbaric.”
“...I was halfway through highschool before I ended up in Equestria, I know how to do algebra, geometry, I can read and write. I just look barbaric.” Bob quickly moved Twilight off of his lap before turning to go upstairs and do what Twilight asked, which was brush his teeth and shower. Twilight got to her hooves and stared upstairs until she heard the bathroom door close, and the usage of a shower and sink followed shortly afterwards. From somewhat friendly and caring about Twilight, to quickly brushing her aside after she talked about getting him an education. How could that have happened? Twilight shook her head. There was more to learning about whatever Bob was than she would have thought. Bob came downstairs shortly after the shower had turned off. The transformation could not be more different than night and day.
While Bob had forgotten his shirt, as it was only held together by a thread, his pants held up. Bob’s black, previously messy hair was straightened out, his face was considerably less greasy looking, and he overall, looked far better than he had a moment ago. He also smelled better. Though, thanks to the lack of his shirt, every single scar, burn, and scratch on his body was plain for the world to see. Spike, who had already finished breakfast, and was sitting at the dining table sat there with his mouth hanging open; the baby dragon was at a loss for words. Twilight… felt bad for the human. Sure, he may have done a lot to earn those scars, such as hurting ponies, but that was done out of survival. And it looks like Bob was worse off.
As he walked past the unicorn, Twilight could notice a specific burn that looked older than the rest. It was riddled and layered with even more scars, but it was a singular, healed burn. Square in the back, right between Bob’s shoulder blades was a burn from a lightning spell that she knew of.
Bob sat down at the table, and started eating his plate of pancakes like nothing was wrong. “So, you were gonna give me a questionnaire?” He asked after quickly scarfing down his portion. In the center of the table, pancakes were stacked high, Bob eyed them for a moment before slumping over and laying his eyes on the unicorn that was now sitting across from him. Spike scooted a little closer to Bob.
“Uh… yeah, I was hoping to go over them while we ate… if you’re still hungry, you can help yourself to some more food. We had extra pancakes made because I thought you’d be a little hungry from barely eating anything.”
“I’m good; I don’t want to be a burden and waste extra food. Trust me, I’m just happy to not be eating bread, overcooked fish, or undercooked fish. Oh boy, that last one sure did give me the runs,” Bob chuckled. His monotone voice had been dropped for one that sounded… more like the teenager he was. “So, what’s the first question?” He asked. He rested his head on his palm.
“What was the first thing you did when you came to Equestria?”
“Walk into a town, get bewildered by talking ponies, and then pet… what’s a female, baby horse? A filly?” Twilight nodded. “Yeah, I petted a filly and she climbed up into my lap. The next thing that happens is her dad, along with a mob of ponies that heard the yelling, chased me out of town. Then I walked into the middle of nowhere… to find another town. I asked if I could work for an apple, or food, or almost did until somebody shot me in the leg with a crossbow. That was fun,” Bob leaned back and took a deep breath. “That filly was a sweetheart; as soon as I started petting her, she demanded more and gave me puppy eyes.” Bob sighed. “Seriously, if it weren’t for the fact that I’ve nearly died several times at the hands of ponies, I’d consider y’all adorable.” Bob pointed at Twilight’s horn.
“I am terrified of you, even if I’m not showing it. I’m scared of what that horn can do; I’ve seen what magic can do to me, and I’ve probably only been hit with rudimentary spells. You, you’re a student under Celestia, and I can assume that a Princess would know a thing or two thousand things about magic. That said, you probably know just as much. You could literally dismantle me, study every organ and bone in my body, and put me back together before I could even blink. And I wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop you.” Bob grimaced. “It’s like wanting to boop a wolf on the nose, but knowing you’ll get your hand bitten off if you try.”
The rest of the questions were pretty basic, what Bob eats, Twilight already hazarded a guess that meat was something Bob could eat, judging by the canines and serrated teeth in Bob’s mouth. That wasn’t too bad, since ponies often ended up taking protein supplements, or having some fish everyday to make up for the fact that most of the food they ate contained next to no protein. Even Hayburger’s All’round offered a fish or bean substitute instead of the usual hay patty. Other stuff like biology, what Bob’s race was, how Bob’s race was as dominant as it was. To things such as age, the differences in females, and all a bunch of other things. Halfway through, Bob slowly reverted back into his boring, monotone, deep voice. As soon as it was Eleven in the morning, Twilight stashed away her questionnaire and the journal she was writing in, and proceeded to lead Bob out into Ponyville to introduce him to the town.
At a meeting that she and Mayor Mare had helped put together.
Bob was sitting perfectly still, arms crossed, and pokerfaced. Mayor Mare came up and gave a speech about accepting who the human was, while explaining what the human has done to wind up in Ponyville. Twilight went up and gave a speech about how excited she is to integrate Bob into pony society and all that fun stuff. She called him a barbarian again, which made Bob chuckle; he is going to probably hate living with this unicorn. Of course, Bob was sent out on stage so he could give his own speech. He walked up to the stand and took a deep breath. On the stand, just below the microphone, was a speech that Twilight probably wanted him to read out loud.
Bob chose to not read it. “Howdy howdy, I’m Bob, or the thing that everyone was trying to capture for the last year. I’m a bit fortunate, with how Princess Celestia didn’t immediately kill me upon seeing me, and I hope to make up for all the terrible stuff I’ve done. I probably won’t be able to, but I’ll try.” Bob cleared his throat. “Judging from the stink eyes and glares I’m getting, I’m sure everybody’s down to welcome me with open arms.” Bob humorlessly chuckled. “I’m going to get down from the stage now,” Bob quickly got away from the stage and down the steps leading up to that stage. Bob looked Twilight in the eye. “Never have me do public speeches again.”
“It would’ve been fine if you read out the speech I wrote out for you,” Twilight hissed.
“And do a lot of ass kissing? The only thing keeping me from getting chased out of town right now is the fact that you’re my warden. Nobody in that crowd would wanna put up with me, you’re just tolerating me, and so are your friends. Apple Jack downright doesn’t like me, for good reason. Nothing, not a single, fucking thing will make anyone in that crowd not hate me. I’m already a freak in their eyes, and then I’m a wanted criminal getting a free pass for doing horrible shit. Your speech wouldn’t have helped me, Twilight.” Bob’s shoulders slumped. “Just give me menial tasks, hard labor, something. Because that’s the only thing I can really do; I gotta do what you and your friends say, it’s my punishment.”
“You won’t be able to get anypony to like you if you don’t try and show them you aren’t a horrible pony, Bob,” Twilight argued.
Bob ignored what she had said, taking a deep, long breath. It was not worth arguing with Twilight. “So what’s next on your little schedule?”
“Well, I was going to have you taken to Rarity so you can help her try out some biped designs she was going to try out. But I suppose you would rather work on Apple Jack’s farm first,” she almost growled.
The two of them started walking out of town. At first, Bob was confused, but could see rows, and rows, and rows of apple trees slowly growing in the distance. The human almost smiled at the idea of walking into an orchard; he always wanted to go to one of these, but never had the chance… And he was supposed to work on it. Well, everything had a silver lining, he supposed. Upon reaching the entrance, he was plowed to the ground by… “Watch out!” a little kid’s voice called out a little too late. Bob grunted and rubbed his butt. On the ground before him was a scooter with a wagon stuck to it, and next to that were two fillies. “Who did we hit this time?” The yellow one said. She had a red, almost auburn mane and tail, with a huge, pink bow holding it in place. Next to her was an orange pegasus filly with a pinkish, purple mane.
“Where’s Sweetie… Belle?” The pegasus asked. Bob then noticed a weight in his lap, one that wasn’t too unlike a German Shepherd that didn’t know how big it was. He looked down to see a white unicorn, she had a light purple mane and tail with a light, pink stripe going through it. She was laying on her back, in his lap. She was still a tiny bit out of it, and her eyes were going in circles, like a dazed cartoon character that just got hit upside the head with an anvil. Out of the three fillies, the unicorn in his lap looked absolutely adorable. The two other fillies looked up at him and slowly gasped in horror as they realized where their friend had ended up.
Sweetie Belle quickly shook her head, and gasped after her eyes laid upon Bob. “It’s a… You’re a weird looking pony,” she tilted her head. “Actually, you don’t look like a pony, what are you?”
“I’m what’s known as a Bob,” Bob chuckled as the filly looked up at him with a mixture of confusion and curiosity that just made the filly look even cuter. The human reached down and started rubbing Sweetie Belle’s belly, which was a shock at first, but was soon fully welcomed by the young unicorn. “I still can’t get over how cute foals are,” Bob almost stopped, only for the filly to grab his hand and pull it back down onto her belly. Twilight simply sat there, tapping her hoof as Bob actively ruined her schedule twice. The speech was supposed to last until twelve, and then they’d stop at Rarity’s boutique to get Bob some new clothes, but no, Bob had to make a two minute long speech. So when Twilight’s backup schedule came into play, Bob was ruining that too! By playing with a filly!
At least Bob was nice to the foals.
After seeing how well their friend was being treated by the new, strange creature, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo trotted up, and soon Bob was sitting with a huge grin on his face as three fillies tried to get his attention. One would successfully get three seconds of a belly rub or ear scratch, only for another to knock that one out of the way and get a few seconds of attention before getting pushed aside as well. Bob started to laugh as the Cutie Mark Crusaders quickly made an acquaintance with him. “I guess I have three new friends?” Bob said with an awkward smile to Twilight. “Uh… Sorry for messing up with your schedule so much…” Bob yelped when Scootaloo climbed up on his head, and actually laid there. “Shi…oot. Now I can’t move,” Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle had settled down in his lap.
Not even Twilight could stay mad after seeing that.
“We should keep this thing!” Scootaloo said.
“Hey now, I’m a person… pony,” I said.
“Yeah, but you’re our person-pony now!” Sweetie Belle giggled as Bob immediately rubbed her chin.
“Apple Bloom, you and your friends best get away from that thing!” Bob slumped over slightly. The Crusaders groaned and asked why. Apple Jack told them about how the resident human had hurt ponies in the past. How Bob stole from Sweet Apple Acre Apples, and a myriad of other things that weren’t true, such as Bob making them comfortable before he eats them or something else equally as horrible. With each reason, the fillies shivered a little, and Bob slumped over even more. By the time she was done, Bob looked borderline depressed, while the two fillies in his lap were shivering, and Scootaloo, who was still on Bob’s head, looked equally as scared, but wasn’t shaking as much.
Bob pulled the Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle closer, and they started whimpering into his stomach. “I wouldn’t want to eat a filly,” he said firmly. “I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I were to even kill a kid, Apple Jack.” Scootaloo slid off his head and crawled onto Bob’s lap for ‘protection’ from the scary human. “Are you three alright?” He asked.
“You won’t let a human eat us, right?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“I am a human kid. If you wanna run, or whatever, away from the filly eating, barbaric monster that is me, I wouldn’t blame ya.” Bob sighed. “I was hoping to at least make some friends while I atone for doing what I did and being what I am.” He rubbed the back of Scootaloo’s head. “I’ll be upfront and say I probably did steal some apples from Sweet Apple Acres, I definitely stole a lot of food and have hurt some ponies… The thing is, I didn’t enjoy doing any of those things. I would much, much rather sit around, under a tree, read a book or something,” Bob leaned back and moved his arms. “Just go kids, don’t wanna gather any more ire from sweet, sweet Apple Jack, do we?”
Sweetie Belle spoke up. “But… you’re not a monster! You’re being nice to us.”
“Eh, potato, patahto, humans are awful. Trust me, as a human, I can say that there are far, far worse individuals than I.” Bob moved the Crusaders off of his lap, before standing up. “So, how am I going to slave the day away, dear Apple Jack?”
“I was going to have you empty out the cellar, it’s almost autumn, and by extension, almost cider season. I need a place to store all that cider, so you’ll be saving me the trouble of clearing it out,” she snapped. Bob nodded, getting to his feet, and passing by the crusaders, and started following the farm mare towards the back of the house.
The main house was huge, almost as big as the big, red barn next to it. It was pretty rustic, and seemed like the barn was actually built into the main part of the house. Despite how massive it was… it seemed cozy. Upon being led down into the cellar, Bob could tell… It was huge, it was a mess, and there was a bunch of junk lying around. Twilight, having dropped Bob off, agreed to come pick him up in eight hours. Those eight hours would go towards Bob’s required community service, apparently.
“Anything you find that looks like junk, put it in one pile, and anything that looks like it can still be used, put it in another pile. I suppose you can keep whatever you deem as junk, since you’ll probably steal what you fancy anyways, but whatever you don’t keep will be burnt. I won’t make you move all of the junk to the junk pile. Any questions?” Bob shook his head. Apple Jack started making her way out of the cellar. “By the way, if my little sister and her friends come to see you, you best not touch them again, ya hear?”
“Because I’ll hurt them?”
“I’m afraid you will; just like you hurt all those other ponies.” Apple Jack growled before finally making her leave.
Bob shrugged and started for the first pile of junk. There was a bunch of old, broken tools, planks, and all that fun stuff. He siphoned through the junk, before finding an old sled. He immediately started piling stuff onto it. As soon as the sled was full, he brought it to the latter and started halling it all up the latter. Soon, there was a pile with a bunch of broken nails, wooden boards, and even a few broken pieces of an oven.
Another pile had a perfectly pristine box of tools, a few buckets, and… that was it.
Bob rinsed and repeated this process for the next few hours. Fill the sled up with stuff, pull it to the latter, bring the stuff up and sort it out. Eventually, Bob found an old guitar, which looked like it hadn’t seen the sun in years. The strings were in pristine condition, and still sounded fine… Bob smiled slightly, before setting it besides the latter. He’s sure he could keep that; nobody would notice, right?
Another hour in, and Bob found a whole oven, probably the one all the broken parts of an oven were from. He scratched his head, wondering how he was going to carry such a large oven out on his own. Luckily, it seemed small and basic, so it would probably be able to be put on the sled to be dragged out. “Bob, are you still working?” Apple Jack called from the entrance of the cellar.
“Yeah, I’m just figuring out how to move-“ Apple Jack came down into the cellar.
“I must say, despite my earlier reservations, you sure do work quickly,” she looked around. “you cleared most of the cellar out already; I’m impressed. I’d say that you earned a lunch,” Bob walked over to Apple Jack. She expected him to stop and take her offer for lunch, but he went up the ladder and came back down with a screwdriver from the junk pile.
After looking over the oven, Bob started to dismantle it, putting each part on the sled when he managed to get another piece off. Bob then dragged the sled over and moved each piece up the ladder and onto the junk pile. “Hey, you should…” Bob stopped.
“Take a break?” He asked, having grabbed an old piece of a pot. “Thought you didn’t like me enough to consider giving me a break.”
Apple jack rubbed the back of her head. “Look, maybe I…”
“You still don’t like me, that’s cool. If I take a break, I’m not gonna sit with you or your family. You clearly don’t want me anywhere near them,” Bob grabbed the old guitar by the ladder. “You won’t miss this thing, right?”
“…No, nopony even knew that guitar was down here.”
“Cool, because this is the one thing I’m choosing to keep.”
“You… you can play the guitar?” AJ asked.
“I was in band class while growing up, and I played in an actual indie band. Granted, it was a one man band, but if you gave me something to record with, I can play an entire song by myself… Eventually. I was never good at making music; it was more of a hobby than a career choice.” Bob strummed the guitar. “Playing an acoustic guitar can’t be too different from an electric one, right?” Bob strummed it again. He then chuckled. “You probably want me to shut the fuck up and keep working, don’t ya?”
“I want you to get out of this cellar and eat something. As much as I don’t like you, I know you need a break.” Apple Jack snorted when Bob got back to work. “Are you even listening?”
“Is lunch ready?” Bob asked. Apple Jack shook her head. “Then I’m going to keep working until lunch is ready.”
“Look, I know Twilight and the rest of our friends are going to be joining us for lunch, since they want to get to know you a bit better, and because we were planning on doing this anyways with, or without you.” Bob stared at Apple Jack for a few moments. “What?”
“I think the only one of you guys that would genuinely be nice to me is Fluttershy, and I don’t know about Pinkie Pie since she hasn’t spoken a word to me since I came into town yesterday. The rest of you put up with me, and Twilight tolerates me because she has to house and feed me. None of you want me here by the looks of things, and not wanting me here is completely fair.” Bob’s shoulders shagged. “I’ll come along, I guess.” With that, the two of them climbed out of the cellar, Bob grabbed his new guitar and followed AJ not into the house, but out into the fields where a picnic table was set up.
The three Crusaders from earlier were present, so was a big, tall stallion that was fucking huge, and so was Twilight and the rest of her friends. Bob opted to sit in the grass, since the table was too low for him, away from the group and wait for the food to be brought out. There was a portable oven plugged into a generator that was presumably cooking what the group would be eating. Bob could smell it from where he was sitting, and it smelled good… Very applely. He ignored it and started messing with his new possession. The neck was a bit small for his liking, but it worked, played fine, and sounded like it would be good for playing every now and then.
“You can play the guitar?” One of the fillies from earlier, Apple Bloom, walked up to him.
“Apple Bloom, stay away from Bob!” Apple Jack shouted from the table.
“But he ain’t doing nothing! He’s just sitting there, tuning a guitar!” Bob ignored the ensuing argument, turning around and facing away from the group. Eventually, Twilight trotted over to the human, and sat down beside him.
“Can you play a song from your home?” Twilight asked.
Bob shrugged. “I’ve never been exactly good at singing or playing the guitar, it was just a hobby. I know a few songs, but I’ll probably mess up a lot,” he strummed the guitar a couple of times.
“It would be nice to hear you speak, or sing in something other than a monotone voice,” Twilight gave Bob a reassuring smile. Bob just stared at his lap, not even looking at the unicorn.
“Sorry about screwing up your plans so much,” Bob sighed.
“It’s alright, Bob, it’s just a little irritating, but it’s not the end of the world… It’s just a schedule. Even if I really wanted to follow the schedule so you can get new clothes. They’re clearly important to… cover you up in the winter.”
“Sure, let’s go with that, not the other thing they help cover up,” Bob snarked. Twilight blushed a little. “Anyway, this is a song about a great man, one that I, and many others, looked up to.” Bob started playing the guitar. As Bob sang, the chatter from the picnic table stopped, everypony slowly circled Bob as he lost himself in playing his little song. It wasn’t a flawless performance, but Bob’s voice cracked a few times during the last chorus, sometimes he would stutter, but pick himself up almost immediately. As soon as he stopped playing, Bob sighed and leaned back. He set the guitar down with a small smile on his face, only to scan the crowd. “Well, that was awful, so I’m never doing that again.”
Sweetie Bell crawled over to him and tapped his ankle. She quickly grabbed his attention. “Can you play another one, sir?” Bob blinked a couple of times before looking around.
“Well, I’ll be damned…” Apple Jack whispered. “That wasn’t too bad, Bob.”
“Well… shoot. If it were later in the day, and we were all sitting around a campfire, then I’d have the perfect song to play.” Bob shrugged. “Eh, screw it. Here’s a song that my dad loved hearing, one that I’m going to pour all my heart into…” Bob strummed the guitar a couple of times. He screamed like a man that was on fire. Everypony was shocked, except for Rainbow Dash who was rolling around on her back and was laughing. “I know, I know, that was probably the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.” Bob snickered when he noted that three certain fillies were giggling up a storm from his beautiful song.
“Lunch is ready!” Big Mac announced after placing a huge apple pie on the table. While everyone else went off to get their food, Apple Jack stayed behind with Bob in the grass.
“You know,” she said, placing a hoof on Bob’s lap. “You really aren’t that bad… Sorry about being so judgemental, but-”
“I stole from you at some point and hurt people, I know. It’s chill; just treat me like a person and we’ll get along. I’m here to try and right my wrongs, not make enemies,” Bob offered his hand. “Let’s just be pals, alright?” Apple Jack took his hand and shook it. In fact, she shook it so hard that when she was done, Bob’s arm was still going up and down. “Jeez, talk about enthusiasm,” the two of them chuckled. He reached under Apple Jack’s jaw, only for her to stop his hand.
“Hold it there, partner,” Apple Jack started.
“I was just gonna scratch your jaw; that’s how humans usually show affection to things covered in fur.”
“I also don’t like being treated like an animal, so… please don’t do that. I know Fluttershy likes being scratched, and someday I might ask to get scratched, but not today.” Bob shrugged.
“Eh, that’s fair. You ponies are stupidly cute, and it’s a bit unfair… You won’t yell at me for scratching your sister’s jaw like you did earlier, right?”
“If she lets you, then it’s fine by me, I shoulda known from the getgo that you weren’t going to hurt her or her friends, with how you were comforting them earlier.” she rubbed the back of her head. The two of them nodded to each other before joining the rest of the group. After about six or seven minutes of Pinkie showing a graph to her, he gave her a belly rub. Pinkie’s graph was accurate, in that both pony and human felt way better during and after the belly rub.