//------------------------------// // Anon lost through time part 1 // Story: Adventures of thestral Anon // by ImNew2023 //------------------------------// Canterlot was alive with excitement. News of Princess Celestia’s pregnancy had sparked celebrations nationwide.  But with all things involving the Princesses, conspiracy and gossip flooded over facts. Noble stallions from all corners of the capital claimed behind closed doors that they were the foal’s father, while others believed that Celestia had an affair with the king of Saddle Arabia. There was even one fanfic spread about that the whole royal family was apart of Shining Armor’s herd. Yes, including Blueblood. Especially Blueblood. But none of it bothered Celestia. She finally had a chance to be a mother after all these centuries alone and that was all that mattered to her. Although there was one excited pony she couldn’t brush off. “OMC OMC OMC!” Twilight squaled as she bounced about. Chuckling at her former student’s school filly level excitement, Celestia rested on a large soft purple pillow. “I’m glad you’re excited Twilight” Celestia said. “Excited? Of course I am! This will be one of the only two naturally born alicorns in recorded history! And you’re going to be a mother, how could I not be excited?” Twilight replied, still bouncing about. “I’m happy for you too Aunt Celestia, although have been wondering, aren’t you the slightest bit curious who the doner is?” Cadence asked. Shaking her head slightly, Cadence smiled at her niece “if he wanted me to know he would have put his name on his donation, I’ll respect his decision, although I wish I did know, at least then I could thank him for this gift” she explained, looking lovingly at her stomach, thinking about the foal growing inside her. “That fair, but realistically it could be anypony in the empire or Ponyville, heck I’ve donated a few times, it could be my foal growing in there” Shining Armor chuckled jokingly. Giggling at the thought, Cadence joined in “or Big Mac’s” she said. “Or Sunburst’s” Twilight giggled. The laughter infected the room, soon all four were laughing hysterically. “Heck, for all we know it be Anon” Shining continued to laugh. While he was still laughing, Shining quickly realized no one else was. “What?” He asked, not seeing what he did wrong. Until he did. With her pupils shrinking down to the size of atoms, Celestia nervously chuckled “t-thats ridiculous, it couldn’t be, right?” Celestia asked, hoping someone would say no. “I’m sure that’s not the case Princess, there’s no way, the chances are astronomical low” Twilight chuckled, secretly hoping she was right. All four royals looked to one another and back in silence until Twilight somewhat changed the topic. “Hey, where is Anon? Now that I think about it I haven’t seen him all day” She asked. “Oh I’m sure he’s fine” Celestia stated. … “So there I was, fighting an Aztec stripper god, then the Nazis showed up and shot him with a UV cannon, but he had the red stone on so that only made him stronger” Anon continued his story. Within the ruins of Cream Heart’s house, Anon told the heavily altered story of Battle Tendency to a trio of foals he found wandering the wasteland. “Wow, wait a minute, how did you beat Kars if he’s so powerful?” One of the foals, a dirty blond unicorn colt asked. “Well that’s simple, I pretended to run away, I lured him up to a dormant volcano and tricked him into causing its eruption and shot him into space where he would never return” Anon explained. “What’s a volcano?” The second foal, an purple earth pony filly asked. “A mountain that explodes when little foals ask too many questions” Anon lied, making the filly cover her mouth. The final foal, a zebra colt, raised his hoof next. “So how did you get here?” He asked. “Well, that’s simple. I found a spell that allows me to travel through time, well, it lets Unianon travel through time, you doing ok buddy!?” Anon began to explain before calling out to Unianon who was collapsed on the sofa. Letting out an untranslatable groan, Unianon failed to even lift his head. “He’s fine”  “Anyhow back to the story. We decided to mess about with time by showing up to random historical events, thus tricking historians into thinking we were immortal” Anon continued. “Wait so why did you come here? This isn’t the past” the zebra asked. “Dude! Stop or you’ll upset the volcanos!” The earth pony warned. “It’s ok that’s actually a good question, turns out Unianon was too inexperienced to control where or when we go so we got stuck here and now he’s too tired to cast the spell anytime soon so we’re stuck here” Anon explained. “What about the changeling? Can’t he cast the spell and get you home?” The pegasus asked. “He isn’t skilled enough” Anon stated. “I was trying my best!” Changeanon stated before storming off in a sob, carrying a bucket of StableTech white paint with him. Outside the house, the Anons were busy fixing up and clearing out the town of rubble. Joining them were a horse, a yak, a diamond dog, a yeti, a centaur, a minotaur, a kirin and a dragon. All of them sporting green fur or scales. “Yo Drakeanon! How’s reconstruction going!?” Anon called out. Clearing away dead trees Drakeanon turned to look at the house. “It’s going ok, the flyers and I will have to go scavenge for food soon” Drakeanon said. “Ok stay safe” Anon replied. Once Drakeanon cleared the market area, he, Changeanon, Hippanon, Peganon and Griffanon went north in hopes of finding more supplies in the tainted wastes. Those ground bound members of the group used broken furniture, debris and trees ripped from the Everfree by Drakeanon to construct a wall around the town.  Using the slightly rusted pipe rifles used by the raiders who once lived here (who quickly left after a dragon showed up) they took terns guarding the place. Put on foal sitting duty, Anon took this chance to solve a question he had long since forgotten. “Hey what are your names anyways?” He asked. “I’m Golden Heart” the unicorn said. “My names Wild Fire” the earth pony said. “And I’m Zebara” the zebra said. “Well, Golden Heart, Wilf Fire, Zebara, it’s nice to meet all of you, I’m Anon” Anon introduced himself. “So how are you going to get home?” Golden Gate asked. “Heck if I know, rather I wait for Unianon to get his strength back and keep hopping until we get close enough to home or wait until Twilight and her friends find a way to pull us back” Anon explained. While he didn’t know what it was, all three foal’s eyes lit up with excitement at what he said. “You know Twilight Sparkle!?” They said in unison. “Well, yeah, she’s actually one of my closest friends” Anon explained. “Is she as smart as the legends say?” Golden Heart asked. “Yep” Anon stated. “Wow! Did you ever go on any adventures with her?” Zebara asked. “Did I? Don’t any of those old legends talk about me? I’m Anon for Florida’s sake. King of the Crystal Empire, the Rizz Master, I was the one who taught Twilight the technique that beat Tirek and I PERSONALLY held Sombra at bay while the Elements found the crystal heart. Doesn’t any of this ring a bell?” Anon asked. Suddenly the foals looked at each other with confusion and a little worry in their expressions. “Wait, you’re THAT Anon?” Wild Fire asked. “Are there any others?” Anon asked. “I thought that was just a common name back in old Equestria” Golden Heart said. “So what do the stories say about me?” Anon asked. Zebara slowly crept back, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “Hey kid what’s the matter?” Anon asked. “I-I’m sorry” he shook a little, clearly scared of something. “Zebara, there’s nothing to apologise for. Just tell me what’s the matter” Anon asked, knowing he’d need to use his kindest voice for the colt. Hesitating slightly, Zebara swallowed a lump in his throat. “My mother always told me stories about the Witch King Anon, that he was an undead monster who ate colts and fillies who didn’t behave” he explained. Hearing this Anon raised an eyebrow, he thought having cults worship him was bad enough, in the future it appeared he was seen as a boogeyman. “Well I can tell you now I don’t eat foals, or ponies in general” Anon said. “Promise?” Zebara asked. Chuckling slightly, Anon lowered himself down to eye level for the colt. “Pinkie promise” he stated. “I never heard that story, most of the ones my dad used to tell me about you were silly ones about you trying to fix a roof or not paying something called ‘taxes’” Wild Fire explained. “Oh those ones are reall” Anon confirmed. Looking out the window towards the dilapidated ruins of his old home, Anon’s eye twitched as that singular shingle was still loose. “So what are you going to do while you wait for the Elements to come save you?” Golden Heart asked. “Eh, this world kind of reminds me of something back home so I’ll probably fix up the town, try to figure out how to make the soil farmable again” Anon explained. Having played copious amounts of Fallout 4, Anon and by extension his clones began to fix up the town. A week would pass, the wall would be expanded to contain Ponyville and Sweet Apple Acres, the buildings would have their holes mostly patched up and Anon created an interesting new method of generating power. “Are we being paid for this?” Golden Heart asked as he, Wild Fire and Zebara stepped on four squares below their hooves. “I’m giving you food, shelter and clean water” Anon reminded them as he stepped on four squares below his own hooves. “That sounds like slavery” Zebara pointed out. “No it isn’t, you can leave whenever you want” Anon pointed out. “But we’ll die in the wastelands if we do” Wilf Fire pointed out. “Your point?” Anon asked. “That’s just slavery with extra steps” Golden Heart said. “Hey when this planet figures out a currency that isn’t a bottle cap I’ll start paying you” Anon explained. While it may seem strange, these crude step boxes powered MacGyvered massage chairs allowing Unianon and Changeanon to charge spark batteries using their magic. He didn’t know what they were at first, just some junk left over from the raiders, that is until the foals explained it to him. With the town’s meagre population taking turns on the step boxes they filled up the spark batteries, they went about the other jobs. Digging up the ruins of Apple Acres, Ponanon, Centauranon and Bullanon  and Horseanon had managed to get a plough up and running again. With the intention to slowly start regrowing the apple orchard. As mentioned before, Unianon and Changeanon were filling up the spark batteries with magical energy, ensuring the town was able to run the limited lights. Drakeanon, Yakanon, Yetianon (or Yeeti as the streets knew him) pulled down trees from the Everfree to build up and reinforce the walls. Peganon, Griffanon and Hippanon scoured the skies, hunting for any raidable ruins. Then there was Flameanon (the Kirin) and Packanon (diamond dog) who worked on making then using primitive tools to make all the chairs, beds and clothes used by the rest of the town. It was hard, the environment wasn’t quite like anything Anon had ever worked in, but he quickly adapted, like a glorious parasite attaching itself to a new host. When all was said and done he sat down in the remnants of his house to get a little more information on this time period out of the foals. “So long ago there was a war between ponies and zebras, 99% of the population died, thousands are currently underground in doomsday shelters called Stables, the Sun dissapeared for a while before the clouds were moved, a bunch of alicorns showed up working for something called The Goddess and now a group called the New Canterlot Republic is trying to rebuild the wastelands?”  Wild Fire, Golden Heart and Zebaras nodded in agreement with Anon’s summary. “Wow, all that sounds… terrible” Anon said. “Eeyep” Wild Fire agreed. “Well it ain’t all bad, the NCR seems pretty safe, we were actually trying to head for their borders before we bumped into you” Zebara explained. “Are you still planning to go?” Anon asked. “When you leave yeah, but for now I think we all feel safer with a dragon guarding us” Wilf Fire said. “Well I’m glad you feel safe here, this place used to be idyllic, nothing bad really happened in Ponyville from what I can remember, sure there was the odd villain attack but no one ever really got hurt. Not like this place” Anon explained, now feeling like he should have appreciated the mind numbing kindness of the pony race from before the war. “It ain’t their fault, once the megaspells dropped everypony just forgot how to be friends” Golden Heart explained. “Yeah, the collapse of society will do that to-“ Anon began, before his voice froze and his face turned to dread. “I-I’m sorry what was that about megaspells?” Anon asked, hoping he heard wrong. “Megaspells? My dad told me about them, apparently before the war unicorns could work together to make a HUGE spell called a megaspell. Both sides threw a bunch at each other and made the wasteland” Wild Fire explained. Anon stayed frozen for a few moments before being pulled out of it by Golden Heart. “You ok?” The colt asked. “Y-yeah, hey it’s getting late, how about you three head to bed?” Anon suggested. “Kay” they said before heading up to the bedroom they shared, the one belonging to Button over 200 years ago. Making sure they were asleep Anon gathered his clones and explained the dark reality of this time they found themselves in. “We, we made this world?” Peganon stuttered, shaken by the thought of it all. “But how? We kept the megaspells secret, we’re the only ones who know how to make them” Drakeanon asked. “Well we must end up letting it slip, or maybe someone found a way to enter our minds and take the knowledge?” Unianon suggested. “It doesn’t matter, we’re here now. We made this mess so we have to fix it” Anon explained. “How the hell are we going to fix an entire planet?” Zebanon asked. “I don’t know but we can start at Ponyville, from there we can work towards getting this planet back on track” Anon explained. All sixteen Anons looked to each other before nodding in agreement.  Without any knowledge to the contrary, the Anons became determined to fix their mistake. No matter the cost. … “So… Anon can time travel” Twilight explained to her friends. The other Elements simply blinked as Twilight and the now redeemed Starlight explained the situation to them. “And how do you know that?” Applejack asked. “He left a note” Starlight explained, taking out a note she found in Anon’s study. Dear Girls, Found time travel spell in cave, Going to see how cute Celly and Lulu were as foals, Don’t know when I’ll be back,  But time travel so when is irrelevant, Warm regards,  Anon, “Ok is it possible to move timelines? Because I don’t think New Jersey is far enough to survive the fallout from this one” Rainbow Dash asked, now comprehending the knowledge that Anon can manipulate the timeline to his own Floridian whim. “Rainbow, we need to figure out how to get him back” Twilight explained. “How don’t you propose that darling?” Rarity asked. “I’m glad you asked, we go to the library” Twilight said, giddy at the thought of books. Groaning slightly, Applejack and Rainbow rolled their eyes. “Twilight hun I love reading as much as the next pony, but-“ Applejack started. “Wait wait wait wait wait, wait” Rarity interrupted.  “Oh what now?” Applejack asked. “You can read?” Rarity asked. Frowning, Applejack let out a huff. “I’ll ignore that, anyhow Sugarcube, how is the library going to help us find Anon?” Applejack asked. “Simple, Anon can’t lay low to save his life, eight of him definitely can’t. We’ll read through every history book we can find until we spot a point in time Anon appears in, then Starlight and I should be able to go back to just before it happened and retrieve him” Twilight explained. “Wowie that’s super smart” Pinkie stated. “Thank you Pinkie” Twilight thanked. “Your welcome, also not it” Pinkie replied. “Not it for what?” Twilight asked, tilting her head. “For explaining to Cream Heart her husband is lost in time” Pinkie explained. Quickly, each of the girls copied Pinkie, each saying “not it” until Twilight was the only one left. “Oh come on girls!” Twilight moaned. “Sorry Twilight, I’m not scared or anything but… I am, very” Rainbow said. “Oh come on girls!” She whined “why do I have to do it!?” “We’re not the ones who want to fuck her husband” Rainbow pointed out. Blushing profusely, Twilight hid herself behind her wings. “I-I don’t!” She protested. “Twily, we’ve all done it, and we all know what that look means” Pinkie explained. “Wait what?” Twilight asked, caught off guard by her friend’s statement. “He was the first stallion on the farm during my heat cycle other than ma brother”  “Orgy with the Wonderbolts, took Sorin 2 weeks to get his confidence back” “I chained him to my bed” “Nightmare night game of spin the bottle” “It-it gets lonely in my cottage sometimes” “Wait, you’ve ALL slept with Anon?” Twilight asked, not sure if this was actually happening. “Twilight, let me put it this way. If unicorns didn’t invent magic birth control, we’d all have little green foals running about our houses, same with Mrs Cake and Mrs Rich I think” Pinkie explained. “Ok has anypony in town NOT slept with Anon?” Twilight asked. “Yeah, you” Rainbow pointed out before the girls joined each other in giggling fits while Twilight frowned heavily. AN: Yeah this is going to be a wild one. So who wants to see the Anons meet baby Celly and Luna? How do we know Anon ISNT baby Celly and Luna?  Time travel is confusing.