My Little Pony: Versus Equestria

by PseudoFiction


Interval 3.1: Prepare for War

All was quiet in the foothills beneath Canterlot. The crickets chirped away and the summer birds of every colour sang songs as old as Equestria itself. The wind played at the leaves and branches of the sparsely placed clusters of woodland that grew along the rolling hills that lead up to the jagged peaks of the Canterlot mountains.

It was calm. Serene, and unspoiled.

Until he made his presence among the harmony known...

“Oh, shit!” the voice yelled at the top of his lungs, the sudden outburst and following commotion cutting the birds off mid-song and causing them to flutter. Wings cracked at the air as a haze of every colour in the rainbow lifted off the treetops and scattered in a panic into the skies.

Three guesses as to who the culprit for the panic was.

“Shit-shit-shit-shit-shit!” Rabbit yelled at the top of his lungs as he clawed at the undergrowth. Breaking clear of the serrated tangle of brambles, the teenager fell onto all fours before scrambling back to his feet and running across the clearing.

There was a distinct tear in his left sleeve and right trouser-leg where something had clamped onto his thigh pocket and refused to let go until the fabric pocket had torn away. His trainers pounded the soft dirt almost as loudly as the heavy paw-falls of his pursuers.

Glancing over his shoulder, Rabbit got a good look at them. They exploded from the bushes and landed lightly before resuming their chase. Three of them, four legged, nimble creatures with long wolven muzzles filled with big scary teeth. Their eye-sockets were alive with glowing yellow disks, three-hundred-and-sixty degrees of pure evil. Moisture huffed from their gaping maws as tree-sap drooled down their chins. Their coats of wooden splinters and bark rippled as they moved, bounding in long powerful strides after the young human.

Tearing his eyes off the pursuing Timberwolves, Rabbit focused on hopping over jutting roots and ducking under low-hanging branches. Weighing his pack were his usual supplies, his climbing-axe and something extra. A bunch of short twigs sticking out the top of the pack, brittle bark and dry, brownish-grey cores running within.

Apparently Timberwolves were very protective of their territories... and didn’t take kindly to wood thieving, kleptomaniac teenage boys.

“Why do dogs hate me?” Rabbit whined. “Why always the dogs!?”

There were various vicious barks in response, forcing Rabbit to sprint harder.

There would be no way he could outrun the wooden canines, not in his condition. He’d been running for less than a minute and was fighting the crippling pain burning in his chest. Every breath was a labour to take and sweat poured down his face, a mixture of fatigue and a fear-reaction. The lead Timberwolf was gaining, so much so he could feel it’s hot breath on his neck. Of all the ways to go, mauled by wooden teeth seemed the worst way possible.

A thud caught his ears as the Timberwolf poised and leapt forward for the kill...

Getting mauled wasn’t exactly plan-A though.

“NOW!” Rabbit bellowed as he cleared a clearing and dropped to his right hip.

Sliding a good few metres, Rabbit looked up to see a branch swing right over his head. It had been bent back and held in place, only to be cut loose on the human’s signal. It snapped out like a baseball batter swinging with intent to bludgeon. And bludgeon was what the whiplash branch did.

It slammed right into the first Timberwolf’s face, caving in the wooden face and causing the creature to explode into a shower of assorted wood-carved pieces. Rolling to his feet, Rabbit turned back to see the other two flustered Timberwolves skid to a halt in the remains of their comrade. With a smirk, the teenager glanced to his side where his faithful companion had been hiding in the bushes holding on to the branch that had just conked out one of his pursuers.

Springing from her hiding spot, the Great and Powerful Trixie landed elegantly with her wizard’s hat tipped forward over her brow and her cape billowing in the breeze.

“Did I get him?” the magician asked.

“One down!” Rabbit confirmed before turning and running again as the flustered Timberwolves growled once more.

Laughing, Trixie quickly galloped after her friend. Re-united, the duo blitzed full tilt through the forest, and the two remaining Timberwolves gave chase again. Two human feet coupled with four hooves trampled the ground audibly, overpowering the sound of their pursuers’ paw-falls this time around.

Rabbit wasn’t so glum anymore. He wasn’t afraid of those pointy-toothed wooden pushovers anymore, not with Trixie around. It felt like he was invincible when she was with him. Together, the duo were unstoppable. It’d take more than a couple of Timberwolves to take them down. And as a result, he too laughed between breaths.

Leaping up, Rabbit pulled his knees up to his chest and slapped his hands down on the top of a fallen log. Launching himself forward, the boy landed on the other side of the obstacle barely keeping his balance, though he managed to stay on his feet. Trixie had dropped low, scooting smoothly underneath the fallen log propped up partially against a smaller tree.

Following, the Timberwolves mimicked the human. Both leapt high and sprang off the log at the same time. Neither had the time to register the noise of groaning ropes that echoed throughout the cluster of woods.

As Rabbit landed, he kicked over a trip-wire, loosening a trio of anchors keeping a dead weight log suspended from a branch. As the weight pulled down, Trixie and Rabbit’s final line of defence was released. Suspended from two ropes, the horizontally hung log swept down to meet the flying Timberwolves.

It had been a simple trap Trixie had easily put together with some clever rope tricks and simple telekinesis magic. She’d devised disappearing-watch tricks more complicated on multiple occasions.

The log slammed headlong into both Timberwolves, breaking them apart in a shower of splinters. At the same time the human and the pony skidded to a halt to look at their handiwork.

“Three in splinters...” Rabbit whooped.

“... y’all should know;” Trixie took over. “We be fast...”

“... and they be slow!” the duo cheered together.

Laughing the two exchanged a ‘hoof-bump’ before catching their breaths. Rabbit doubled over and rested his hands on his knees as he panted for breath. Trixie tipped her hat back, letting her rear hit the ground with a distinct ‘plof!’

“This seems like a lot of work for some firewood.” The teenager breathed.

Trixie grinned knowingly. “I know. Timberwolves marked all these trees as their territory. But they always keep the best firewood for themselves. Because it’s brittle and dry they use the stuff to feed their babies. They sometimes settle for feeding thieves to their babies too.”

Rabbit scoffed. “Oh, now she tells me. Woulda been nice to know that before I snuck into their den to steal their shit, Trix.”

“Oh, suck it up ya’ baby.” Trixie teased. “You don’t hear the magnificent Trixie complaining do you?” she added in a smug tone, eyes shut and a hoof planted proudly on her chest.

THUD!

The sound was heavy, judging by the bass rumbling in their chest cavities. The sound made Trixie’s ears perk up as her eyes popped cartoonish with worry. Turning, the two sighted a newcomer to their party.

Another Timberwolf, though this one was much bigger than the other three. Its eyes were hollow sockets home to glistening crimson orbs that flared like balls of fire. The coat of splinters adorning the larger Timberwolf were jagged and serrated, pointed upward like protective scales running through the grand mane wrapped around the canine's throat and flowing down into jagged barbs along the spine.

Despite its weight, the creature landed perfectly balanced upon the log that had been Rabbit and Trixie’s final trap, swinging gently swinging back and forth with the creak of the ropes still groaning in their ears. What followed was an unholy growl that rose from the giant Timberwolf’s throat, escaped that mighty tooth-filled maw and rumbled with the volume of thunder ripping open the sky.

“Eep!” Trixie squeaked with a jolt as Rabbit took a cautious step backwards. “Now the magnificent Trixie is complaining.”

“What is that?” her human companion snapped.

Trixie gulped. “Looks like an alpha!”

“Now what do we do?” Rabbit hissed as the giant Alpha Timberwolf took a step forward, dismounting their useless trap.

“Running!” Trixie cried as she turned tail. “Definitely running!”

As the magician started galloping, Rabbit turned on his heel and kicked off, chucking up a clod of moss as he threw himself into a sprint.

Heavy paw-falls followed as the Alpha Timberwolf gave immediate chase. It was impossible to shake that thunderous noise of their pursuer’s rapid pace. With long powerful strides, the Alpha gained with every passing seconds. Paranoia caused Rabbit to feel a demonic breath breathing down his neck.

“Aren’t you glad we don’t work in an office!?” Rabbit cried.

“Oh, yeah! Look at us!” Trixie panted. “Out in the fresh air! Getting exercise!”

They turned sharply this way and that in an attempt to shake and confuse the Alpha, weaving between brambles and rocks, leaping over fallen trees and sliding under low hanging branches. One particular closer of low branches tangled the Timberwolf, buying the duo precious seconds... but only a few before the Alpha canine was free and giving chase once more.

“Straight ahead! That ought to slow the bastard down!” Rabbit yelled pointing at a wall of brambles directly a head. “Straight through!”

“This is gonna hurt!” Trixie complained as they galloped full speed towards the wall of thorny bushes.

“Suck it up ya’ big baby!” the human retorted, covering his head in his arms and leaping sideways into the bush.

Trixie followed...

And to both their surprises, the brambles weren’t so much of a tangle as they expected. The branches seemed to part like rough, thorny curtains as they collided with the obstacle and passed clean through. Soaring beyond, the duo straightened out expecting to land and keep running...

But... err... well... you ever descend a set of stairs without paying attention? You know that final step? The doozie? You think you’re on the bottom, but you take a step forward and suddenly the ground isn’t there? That step that causes a sinking feeling and a spike of adrenaline to throw your heart into overdrive?

Yeah, Rabbit and Trixie were experiencing just that.

The ground dropped away very suddenly into a very steep hill leading downwards. All the way down was nothing but clusters of long grass, patches of loose rock and miniature drop-offs of crusty dirt. And the duo fell screaming with the sharp decline.

“Whoa-whoa-whoa!” Trixie screamed as she kicked her legs wildly through the air, expecting to land running.

Rabbit was swinging his arms for balance while his legs pedalled furiously, hardly even realising he’d left the ground despite the profanities he let loose proving otherwise.

The duo landed at the same time on the steep hillside and crumbled until their bodies slammed into the ground. As a result they bounced before being launched head over heels and dragged downward by the merciless claws of gravity.

Explosions of dirt clouded them as loose shale surfed down alongside the tumbling duo. Bouncing and rolling onward, they finally came to a very sudden stop, landing hard on the gravel of a road cutting through the foot hills and wading up the mountains towards the city of Canterlot perched somewhere above them.

Several rocks and clumps of dry earth hit the ground around them as they just lay there bruised, scratched and dizzy.

Trixie groaned audibly. “This was definitely not part of the plan.”

She was cut short by her human companion. “Whoa, crap!” Rabbit cursed as he glanced upward. Planting the toes of his trainers in the gravel, the teenager leapt forward, scooping up his pony companion as he launched himself.

Trixie gasped as the human’s arms wrapped around her torso and lifted her clear of the ground. But no sooner had they taken off, her weight dragged them back down and they crashed back into the ground several feet away. Rolling over, Rabbit pulled the unicorn over his chest and threw himself on top of the pony, physically covering her from the incoming heavy object casting its shadow over them.

The Alpha Timberwolf – having taken the tumble downhill right behind them – slammed into the earth beside the human, where the duo had lay recovering only seconds ago. The impact was enough to cause the ground to shudder beneath them, and the resulting explosion of splinters threw wooden canine body-parts in several directions.

A few talons and a tooth bounced harmlessly against the back of Rabbit’s shirt as he slowly lifted his head and eventually managed to prop himself up on one arm. Looking around he noticed the Alpha had shattered upon impact and let out a triumphant laugh.

“Was that part of the plan?” he asked with a grin, looking down at the pony beneath him.

Trixie was flat on her back, legs up in the air like a puppy-playing-dead. Her hat lay in a crumpled somewhere out of view and her ragged cape lay lumpy and ruffled under her light azure body. Her front legs were neatly folded up to her chest as her head rested back on the rough ground. Her cornflower mane was bunched up around her head like a halo of mercury as she smiled brightly up at her very own hero...

Err... well, for those of you who have followed Rabbit from the beginning, ‘anti-hero’ might be a more accurate description.

“No, but I wish it was.” The mare whispered as she realised the human was laying on top of her. “Rabbit?” she added, reaching out with her front legs and draping them suggestively around the boy’s neck.

The teenager continued to grin obliviously. “Yeah?”

“You are a little heavy.” She said. Though she said it as though it was a good complaint, her smile not fading in the least.

Clearing his throat, Rabbit rolled over with a “Sorry,” slipping out of the unicorn’s light grasp as he pushed himself to his feet. Trixie kept her disappointed moan to herself as the patient showmare climbed to her hooves too.

“You okay?” the teenager asked.

Trixie nodded in reply. “You?”

“Never better.”

They both grinned and angled their gazes up to Canterlot that sat framed in the sunset before them. The sun was dipping behind the uneven horizon, igniting the sky behind the grand mountainside city with a burnt-sienna colour as if pointing the travellers the way. Trixie shook out her wizard’s hat and levitated it on her head while Rabbit straightened his bush-hat.

Shrugging off their near death experience the duo started walking again like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

In fact, this was all just another day in the sandbox.

My Little Pony:
Versus Equestria

[Welcome to Canterlot]
Interval 3.1: Prepare for War

-Tick-

The sun jolted, disappearing beneath the horizon. Within an instant the lights went out. Everything was pitch-black.

-Tock-

The moon exploded to life in the dark sky, bathing Equestria in her pale light. The shadows receded enough for eyes to comfortably assess a lack of bogeymen stalking through the night. A wave of colours not unlike a watercolour Aurora-Borealis smearing across the night rippled over the sky, leaving a plethora of winking stars in its wake. Several stars started to move, falling and exploding into balls of fire scything through the canvas that was Princess Luna’s night sky.

Ten seconds past 9PM. It was officially night-time.

Rabbit’s limbs were sore. Hiking for months on end stopping to rest only a day or two in each town was taking its toll on the boy. Hell, he was surprised he had held out this long. But that last sprint with the Timberwolves really took it out of him.

Stepping past their campfire, Rabbit collapsed into his nest of branches and dry foliage he’d gathered in the final minutes of daylight. With a groan he rolled over, resting his head on his backpack used as a makeshift pillow and pulled a blanked over his body.

Trixie was sitting on the far end of the smouldering campfire, perched in her own nest of gathered sticks and leaves. She had the spellbook Twilight Sparkle had given her open on the ground in front of her as she levitated a stick to poke down the fire. A shower of embers took flight in the cool air before extinguishing themselves and vanishing completely.

Setting her stick down, Trixie huddled under her cape and folded her forelegs – one over the other – before delving back into her new journal.

“You are inseparable from that thing.” Rabbit yawned. “Think you can ditch studying for a while to get some shut-eye?”

Trixie shook her head. “I’m not really tired.”

“Oh, I forgot. You didn’t get your butt handed to you by some geriatric demon monkey.” Rabbit groaned, referring to the adventure... no... cluster-fuck. Yeah, cluster-fuck works better. Rabbit groaned, referring to the cluster-fuck around Ponyville where he’d been beaten up... twice!

Injuries healed quickly in Equestia. Though the bruises hadn’t quite faded yet.

“Get some sleep, Rabbit.” Trixie said soothingly. “When we get to Canterlot we’ll have plenty of time to settle down.”

“Settle down?” Rabbit sniggered. “Sounds like you’re proposing to me.”

“And... uh...” Trixie gulped, wondering if she said that right. “Yeah... but no! I mean... settle down and rest?”

Rabbit grinned as he closed his eyes, satisfied with that clarification. “Hmmm. Yeah. Soft beds... hot food... I can hardly wait.” He added in a mutter.

“Hopefully we have enough bits to rent a room at an inn.” Trixie mused as she leafed to the next page of her spellbook. She added suggestively, lifting her gaze: “The Great and Powerful Trixie might be able to find it within her heart to share a bed if you... don’t...”

She trailed off as Rabbit let out a low snore. His eyes were shut, mouth hanging open a little as he slept soundly under his blanket. Said blanket didn’t even cover him properly, and without tucking himself in his shoulders remained exposed.

“... mind.” Trixie breathed with a wide smile.

He may not have been a pony, but he was damn cute when he slept. Not that he wasn’t handsome when he was awake. Trixie realised views on the human might vary between mares, but to her he was probably the most attractive creature to enter her life. She’d had the odd coltfriend before, but in comparison to Rabbit... to call those stallions ‘boring’ might have been an understatement.

Closing her book, she tucked it to one side and slipped out from under her cloak. Leaving her warm cot behind, she quickly skirted around the smouldering embers of their fire. Moving close to her human companion, the mare reached over with a hoof and pulled the blanket up a bit higher, tucking Rabbit in properly. Satisfied he wouldn’t freeze in the chill night, Trixie used the same hoof to gently stroke her friend’s face.

“Oh, Rabbit.” Trixie whispered as she bent closer to the human’s face. “Where would you be without me?” smirking as she remembered the first time Rabbit had said exactly that to her when he tucked her in to sleep once, Trixie shut her eyes and placed a tender ‘good-night kiss’ on the teenager’s warm cheek.

Backing up, Trixie turned to return to her reading-...

THUD!

Trixie nearly sprang out of her skin as the sound and vibrations of the impact were felt in her hooves. Something had landed behind her, no doubt right next to her sleeping companion. Something dangerous perhaps?

There was only way to be sure.

Focusing for a split second, Trixie's horn began to glow with energy, ready to discharge a bolt of lightning at a very specific target – whatever had landed in their camp. At the same time she whipped around, jaw gritted and brow furrowed with determination. But the panic in her eyes was clearly visible.

What she saw however made her stop all action as she allowed the built up magical energy in her horn dissipate with a static crackle.

What stood over Rabbit wasn’t dangerous – technically speaking.

It was Princess Luna, the immortal alicorn goddess of the night. It had been a while since seeing her in the Everfree Forest, and since her powers seemed to have grown. She was taller than before, nearly rivalling the slender build of Princess Celestia. Her cutie-mark glistened with the luminescence of the moon itself and her eyes burned with the intensity of passing comets. Her mane wavered and billowed in a non-existent wind, shimmering like a second aurora framed night-sky in the night.

Her hooves were adorned with crystal slippers that glittered like the stars in her mane, planted in the soft earth beside where Rabbit lay sleeping. She had a similarly glittering tiara perched around her long horn, and her feathered wings were neatly tucked along her sides.

Trixie settled her heart at the realisation it was only the princess. This close to Canterlot, the princess had probably flown over and spotted the glowing embers of their camp fire. But it still begged the question. Why was she standing over Rabbit and staring at him?

Clearing her throat, Trixie made her presence known to the princess. “Princess Luna? What are you doing here?” Trixie asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously as she pointed her hoof at the princess.

Catching on to her suspicious tone, Luna lowered her brow into a defiant glare. “We hardly think that would be any of thy business, Lulamoon.” The night-goddess snapped with a cold reference to Trixie's full name.

Ignoring her, Trixie moved closer until she too stood over Rabbit sleeping form. “Trixie thinks it is her business, since you are in her camp, hanging over her companion.”

Luna huffed. “The way thy speaks of this knight, one would think thy have claimed him as your property.”

“Knight?” blinking, Trixie shook her head. “You’re mistaken. My Rabbit is no knight!”

Your Rabbit? Hah!” Luna tossed her starlit mane with a light flick of her head. “Ser Rabbit rescued us from the clutches of Nightmare Moon. He clearly cares for the princess of Equestria.”

Well that answered that then. Trixie wasn’t exactly thrilled though. Princess Luna had a crush on Rabbit? The magician figured this would only end in tears.

For the princess, of course. Trixie had no intention of letting the alicorn sweep her companion away from her.

“Princess numero-two, perhaps.” Trixie mumbled. Though Luna did hear her, she tried not to react. “Besides, Rabbit only did that because he was returning the favour to Trixie.” The magician continued. “Trixie and Rabbit have been travelling together for months! He cares more for Trixie than some prissy little spoilt princess who’s too used to getting anything she wants!”

The regal alicorn gasped as her very character was offended. “Are you confident enough to put that to the test, Lulamoon?” Luna growled.

“Anywhere, anytime, princess.” Trixie hissed viciously. “Trixie has built a relationship with Rabbit from the ground up. Trixie likes him because she has spent time getting to know him, has things in common with him, and Rabbit likes her for the same reasons! You like him because you’re just some typical pretty little princess who wants some shining knight to rescue her from a tower – and poor Rabbit was the first sap to gallop in!”

The night-goddess growled. “So now he’s a sap? Don’t call our true-love a sap!” Luna nearly bellowed in full ‘Royal Canterlot Voice’ as she lowered her face closer to sleeping Rabbit. “Ser Rabbit is my knight in shining armour!”

“Trixie hates to resort to this but;” Trixie too lowered her face closer to the sleeping human. “I saw him first!”

“Nuh-uh!” Luna contradicted.

“Did too!” Trixie snapped.

In the midst of their highly intellectual debate over which pony deserved to sweep the human off his feet, the human in question let out a sleepy snort. Both Trixie and Luna stopped and glanced down at the sleeping teenager.

Sniffing loudly, Rabbit only half woke without opening his eyes. Shrugging his shoulder, the human let out a soft groan. “Trix?” he asked in a sleepy mumble.

“Uh...” Trixie blinked wondering if he was hearing the two ponies argue. “Yeah?”

“Would you please tell Princess Luna to shut the hell up?” the boy asked.

Trixie didn’t know how the sleeping human knew Princess Luna was standing over him, but she didn’t care either. Score one for Lulamoon!

“Rabbit says you need to shut up!” Trixie relayed smugly to the princess. “You’re keeping him awake!”

Another groan from the human. “Nevermind.” He mumbled. “You’re bothering me too. Both of you shut up.” Rabbit sharply rolled over so he was facing Luna. Then with a shuffle, he pulled his blanket higher over his neck before tucking his arms underneath his body and rolling onto his front.

With a low snore he was gone again.

Confounded, both mares looked down at the source of their vendetta to find he was still fast asleep – having never quite woken up. The silence between them didn’t last long though as both ponies lifted their gazes once more and locked glares.

“Stalker.” Trixie hissed.

“Harlot.” Luna snapped.

“Hag of the Night.”

“Seductress.”

“Filly-fooler.”

“Harpie!”

“Mule-Humping Bitch!” Trixie smirked proudly as Luna reacted sourly. She’d learned that one from Rabbit... naturally.

The night princess gasped angrily with wide eyes before she narrowed them into a pure white moonlight-glare trained directly on Trixie. “Now thy hath done it. This means war!” she seethed.

The azure showmare chuckled confidently. “Oh-ho, Trixie would have it no other way. A duel at dawn?”

“Nay.” The princess of the night announced softly. “We would take no pleasure in obliterating every atom within thine pathetic existence. Our joust for the heart of this knight shall be a duel of wits. The first to steal a willing kiss from Ser Rabbit before the royal wedding is over shall win the right to court him with no interference from the other. Are these terms agreeable?”

“These terms are very agreeable.” Trixie growled through gritted teeth. “It...”

Luna hissed in reply. “... is...”

Together they moved nose to nose and locked glares. “... on!”

***[]***

It was carried on the wind. First there was the sound. A light hissing sound broken up every so often by a snap, a crackle, and then a pop. Finally there was a smell. A beautiful sweet smell of burnt butter, charred tofuand eggs. Fried eggs, sunny-side up.

A typical morning fry-up, tofu-based bacon and eggs. Peppered. Salted. Fried in creamy butter, not oil.

Gorgeous.

Opening her eyes with a broad smile, Trixie was suddenly very conscious of her rumbling stomach. And also conscious of her awesomeness for having the fore-sight of buying the beakfast ingredients in Ponyville.

“Ohhh~!” she moaned like a tense filly receiving a massage. “That smells so good.”

“Thank you, thank you!” Rabbit gracefully bowed to his adoring ‘public’ as he sat on his knees beside their fire pit. One hand held the frying pan steady of the red-hot kindling he’d used to re-stoke the fire that morning, the other worked at a wooden spatula to flip over the food. “I’ll be here ‘till... erm... well, ‘till whenever.”

Her stomach grumbling audibly now, Trixie tossed aside her hat and sat opposite to her best friend in the whole wide world – their companionship attenuated by bacon of course. What kind of friendship is ‘not’ accentuated by bacon?

Putting aside the spatula, Rabbit continued to hold the pan steady over the fire as he plucked up a fork and started digging in. Trixie didn’t need any cutlery. Delicately tweaking her telekinetic magic, she managed to lift up a piece of crispy, salty bacon and prepared to munch away.

She was inches from taking her first delicate bite when she froze. With an odd look, the unicorn leaned sideways to peek around her bacon.

“Uh, did... did you wake up last night at all?” the magician asked.

“No.” Rabbit shook his head. “Why?”

Trixie blinked a few times, before shrugging. “No reason. That’s good.” She let out a breath of relief. Her competition with Luna was still discreet. The showmare had no idea how Rabbit would react if he knew two ponies were jousting over the right to win his, and would prefer not to find out. So she tucked into her breakfast. After breakfast was when she’d worry about stealing that willing kiss before Princess Luna did.

The forest was their grand dining room. The warming sun was their celestial diamond chandelier. The simple campfire fry-up was their banquet. Smiling, the duo tucked into their feast.

It took them less than fifteen minutes to finish. And have you ever heard the term ‘all good things must come to an end’? Yes, well, the truth of this phrase became abundantly clear to both of them as they basked in the afterglow of their enjoyable breakfast.

The end didn’t come because the food was gone. The end came with the smell.

It was horrific.

The air hazed in their eyes for a moment; tear ducts watering and dripping warm liquid over their eyelids. There was a palpable, thick, heaving, choking sensation in their lungs as the stink hit them in a wave. A connoisseur would have found fermented armpit, sun-baked garbage and possibly asparagus underneath the too-brash, mouth-puckering tang of month-old ball-sweat – but Trixie and Rabbit only smelled death, decay and madness.

“ACK!” they both choked at the same time. “What is that smell?” Rabbit exclaimed.

“I don’t know!” with both front hooves holding her nose, Rabbit half wondered how the mare continued to sit upright. “It’s horrible... wait... wait, is that...” she inquisitively moved her head closer to her human companion.

Rabbit groaned as he lifted an arm and gave his shirt a sniff. “Yup. That’s me.”

“Ugh! When’s the last time you washed your clothes!? You’re expecting to go meet Princess Celestia smelling like that?” Trixie complained.

“Oh, well excuse me for not having a spare set of clothes ready and packed for when you portal me into Equestria.” Rabbit huffed. “It’s lucky you got to go to the spa while muggins here,” – he jabbed a thumb in his chest – “Was sleuthing through the middle-of-buttfuck-nowhere badlands.”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “This won’t do. Bear with me for a second.” She said as she scrambled sideways and pulled open her saddlebags.

Plunging her head in the bag, she emerged a moment later holding her spellbook in her mouth. Spitting it out she let the book fall with a light ‘plof’ in front of her before she magicked the cover open. In the hazy aura of light that was her magical manipulation, Trixie flicked through a few dozen pages in quick succession, scanning each with a swift and practiced eye.

Eventually she found what she was looking for, springing up with an “AHA!” and planting a hoof on the page. “That’s the one. Okay, Rabbit. Stand up and hold still.”

“Um...”

Rabbit barely had a choice in the matter. After a quick read of her spell, Trixie spooled up her magic, an electric hum smothering the air-waves while her horn began to glow. Within an instant, the light focused into a funnel that burst outward and engulfed the human.

“Whoa!” his cry was hardly heard over the thumping ‘wubs’ that broke down all dirt on a microscopic level.

When the light greyish magenta light faded from his eyes, Rabbit looked down at himself. the human was posed as if he were about to catch a six-tonne boulder rolling down a mountain at him. His clothes seemed to be mended, spick, span and good as new.

There was a pine-fresh smell wafting from the cloth. Rabbit had to hand it to her, Twilight Sparkle knew her stuff, and Trixie had to be pretty darn good if she was able to replicate the spell in an instant... except that bad smell still hung in the air. And it wasn’t coming from Rabbit’s sparkling clothes.

“Well, at least my clothes don’t smell anymore.” Rabbit reported with a grin.

“Yugh! But you still do. You should shower. Here!” Trixie cantered past Rabbit on just three legs, her fourth hoof still holding her nose. She reached a line of shrubs and pushed them aside revealing a glittering scene beyond.

A waterfall splashed audibly from a high ledge down into a small plunge-pool underneath. It wasn’t extremely deep, but deep enough, filled with clean spring water that was drawn into a sub-terrain cavern out of view.

“Huh... how did I not see that before?” Rabbit asked out loud. “That’s convenient.”

“It’s lucky is what it is!” Trixie didn’t waste any time in holding her breath and galloping back past Rabbit again.

On a single breath she managed reach her spellbook again, flicking rapidly through the pages. Unfortunately she didn’t find what she was looking for in time and had to gasp for breath. The sour smell entered her nostrils and she gagged.

Rabbit huffed. “Drama queen. It’s not so bad.” the breeze ripped around him, driving some of the smell up his own nose causing him to choke and cough. “Urk! Okay, maybe it is.” He quickly held his nose between his index finger and thumb.

“What are you looking for?” he asked, sounding like he had a severe cold.

“Here it is!” Trixie announced as she read over the notes.

Her eyes shut and biting her lip with concentration, a magical aura enveloped her horn and wavered like candlelight. The same aura wrapped around Rabbit as he glanced left to right. The aura of light seemed to be localised over... over his articles of clothing?

There was a light ‘pop’ and a flash of light. In the blink of his eyes, his clothes had vanished and re-appeared in a neat, folded pile beside Trixie. Unfortunately, that left Rabbit very much naked.

Shoes, socks ‘n all. It was all on that neat pile, no longer preserving any of the boy’s dignity. He immediately squirmed, doing his best to cover himself with just his arms and hands. It... ‘sort of’ worked.

Rabbit gaped angrily. “Trix?”

“Yeah?” Trixie said, looking quite proud of herself, likely because she pulled off that spell without accidentally ripping off any of the teenager’s body parts.

“I’m nekkid.” The boy growled with emphasis on the fact HE WAS FUCKING NAKED!

“I know.” The pony nodded as if nothing was wrong.

Rabbit suddenly looked very calm as he nodded. “Oh, alright then. Good. It’s nice to know things are under control.” and all of a sudden his glare returned with his loud, angry tone of voice: “Twilight Sparkle gave you a spell that takes my clothes off!? What the fuck!?”

Trixie sighed in response. “It’s not like it’s tuned to you specifically. It’s a standard un-clothing spell! It works on everypony!”

“That doesn’t make it any more comforting! What else do you have in that spellbook!? Rape!?”

“Yes, Rabbit.” The showmare confirmed with sarcasm literally oozing off her tongue. Even her facial expression was sarcasm incarnate. Her ears were pinned back and her eyelids sagged with boredom, head pitching forward and shaking lightly from side to side. “I have a whole page of rape.”

The teenager grumbled looking away trying to ignore the hot burning in his cheeks. “I think now I know why Equestria doesn’t get many human visitors.”

Angling his gaze back to Trixie, he realised the pony was looking right at him. Not just looking though. She was staring. Her expression seemed absent as she gazed at his naked, barely covered body.

“Trix, you’re staring.” He said pointedly.

That seemed to snap her out of her daze. “Uh-... I’m sorry, I was just... eh... admiring your, uh...” she gulped, desperately trying to come up with an excuse. “Err... admiring your alien muscle-structure.”

Grumbling, Rabbit didn’t bother trying to cover himself anymore. With a slump, he boldly let his arms fall to his sides as he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, one particular part of my muscle-structure. How about some soap?” he demanded with a hand held out.

Bumbling over her own hooves, Trixie ran over to her bags and ignited her magic. She quickly levitated a white bar of soap – aptly stamped with the word ‘Soap’ across the surface – into Rabbit’s hand.

Rabbit caught it and turned before stomping off, still wearing his blush. The bushes closed in his wake as the human disappeared from view. There were some splashes as he jumped into the plunge-pool under the waterfall. “Ack! It’s cold!”

Trixie giggled a little girlishly into her hoof.

As soon as Rabbit was away and pre-occupied she set to work. Trixie wasted no time returning to her spellbook and turning to page one. Among all the other remedial spells Twilight Sparkle had left her, the most important was the first.

The humanisation spell.

From what Trixie gathered there were various subtle stages. Anthropomorphic stages, half-pony and half-human stages. There were clothed variants, naked variants. Some complicated, some simple. She could even save draining all her magical energy by opting to leave her pony ears and tail intact post-transformation.

When she finished the spell she’d be magically drained and need a few hours rest from any magical feat to recharge. But Trixie didn’t care. All she cared about was taking Rabbit for herself before that princess of the night stole him away.

So she opted for one of the more advanced stages of the spell. Fully human. She did negate the need for clothing.

She was going to secure that kiss for sure!

Studying the notes intently for several moments, Trixie bit her bottom lip. It was complicated. She’d be hard pressed to get it right. But she was determined. She’d get this right or...

Well, actually, she’d either get it right or not at all. She figured if she did do something wrong she might generate a black hole for all of Equestria to be sucked into, so there was little to no margin for error there. And if Trixie did screw up it wasn’t as if anypony would be able to yell at her.

Closing her eyes, Trixie gritted her teeth and focused. Every ounce of her attention went into uttering the spell in her mind. The incantations weren’t really something that translated into words, or sounds even. They were essences of magic that simply existed without explanations. Unicorns were not taught these ‘incantation,’ they simply knew them. Mastering them was something else.

Trixie may not have gone to magic school, but she wasn’t without skill.

An aura engulfed her horn and began spreading down over her body. She seemed to be consumed in a growing bubble of energy obscuring the pony within. Her forelegs formed vertically aligned shoulders as her arms twisted and hooves extended into fingers. Her spine curled and re-aligned itself as her hind-quarters morphed into a pelvis. Her hind legs re-jointed and elongated.

Filigree of white light cracked across her glowing skin. Beams of light burst through the magical shield engulfing her rapidly changing body... and then it shattered.

The shell broke apart, scattering into pixels that faded like embers in the night as the light exploding from her new body faded. When the light had faded completely, Trixie opened her eyes and blinked away multi-coloured spots drifting in her field of vision.

Trixie the great and powerful unicorn pony was gone. In her place knelt a girl; in her late teen years, she had a tall, slim build. Her pale skin seemed to glow in the sunlight. Her cornflower blue hair hung in silky waves down past her naked shoulders. The somehow automatically applied dark eyeliner made her grey-violet eyes leap out.

Her slender digits ran across her face in confirmation. She was human!

Excitedly, Trixie ran through the quick checklist Twilight Sparkle had included with the spell to ensure the after effects were right.

Hands? Check.

Feet? check.

Five digits each? Check.

Mane? Oooooh, silky... check.

Tail? Well, it seemed humans didn’t actually have tails, so the absence of such should be marked as ‘check.’

Breasts... wait, what? What the buck were those?

Trixie had to do a double take on the checklist as she reached the bottom. That was weird. Only then did she notice the two soft, rounded appendages on her chest. Rabbit didn’t have those, so what the hell were they? Prodding them, she couldn’t seem to identify an immediate purpose for them. Were they part of what separated human males from females?

Having never seen a human female before, she wasn’t entirely sure if that was normal. She quickly bent over her spellbook to double check the diagrams Twilight Sparkle had sketched for her.

No, it seemed the chest-appendages were normal. It also seemed – according to Twilight’s research – that the larger the ‘breasts,’ the more attractive the woman. Checking her lean figure, Trixie deemed her human form wasn’t ‘unattractive,’ though if the size of her chest was a defining game-changer, she might have to work on it in future spells. For now though, the size of her breasts might be adequate to serve her current purpose. Not too big to upset her already present balance issues, not too small to deem her human form unenticing.

Satisfied she was fully humanised, Trixie snapped her book shut and tucked it into one of her saddlebags. She considered having to change back into pony-form if she wanted to carry those the rest of the way to Canterlot in reasonable comfort. That would be a bridge to cross later though.

“Showtime.” Trixie smirked, hoping Luna was watching from afar. Time to school that ageless princess.



Trixie stood with the intent of moving towards where Rabbit was washing, but very quickly fell to her hands and knees again. There was something about her balance. It was just off. Walking on two legs may take some getting used to.

Figuring she didn’t have the time to get used to her new body yet, Trixie put on a face of determination and crawled on all fours through the curtain of bushes separating her from her companion.

The water crashing down into the plunge-pool masked the sound of her approach to the water’s edge. Rabbit was standing in the water under the small waterfall with his back to the newly humanised mare. Sitting in the damp moss, Trixie elegantly swivelled on her hip, letting her feet touch the water. It was as Rabbit had said, cold. It didn’t stop her from letting her slender legs lower slowly, deeper into the water. She figured she’d be cold now, but when she got closer to her companion she figured things would warm up very quickly (Wink-wink).

Sinking into the pool, Trixie pushed off the bank and finally managed to balance with the water reaching up to her waist. It seemed human bodies floated as well as ponies did, and it aided in keeping her upright in her new bipedal form.

“Ahh, much better.” She whispered to herself before quietly wading closer to where Rabbit was showering.

There were many different schools of seduction. Trixie liked to think she was familiar with all of them. But she figured she might not have many cracks at seducing Rabbit before Luna swooped in to seize a turn at the human. The magician wanted to make sure she secured that kiss in her first go. So she decided to go with method thirty-two-geeh.

Brute force.

Trixie gently planted her feet on the uneven bottom of the pool, wading silently closer. As she passed under the falling water, her hair drenched through, plastering itself to bare skin. Tracks of mascara flowed from her eyes before she wiped them away.

Without hesitation she walked right up behind him. Her chest squashed up against his shoulder blades as Trixie realised she was about half an inch taller than her companion. Her wet slender arms slid over Rabbit’s shoulders, securing over the front of his torso in a deft move that held him in place. With a smile tugging the corner of her lips, she narrowed her eyes as she moved her face closer to his.

“Hello, Rabbit.” She whispered softly in his ear.

Rabbit had stiffened within a millisecond. And no, it’s not what you’re thinking – dirty fucker. His whole body seized – again, not what you’re thinking. Out of sheer surprise and panic, the teenager glanced over his shoulder to lock his eyes with the husky gaze of a complete and total stranger. “Wh-... HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!”

Well what the hell was his reaction supposed to be to being grabbed by a gorgeous – and might I add naked – young woman from behind while showering under a waterfall in a world where humans had thus far served the sole purpose for kicking Rabbit’s ass?

To say he was shocked would have been an understatement.

What followed was a panicked splash as Rabbit lost his footing on a slick rock. Kicking his arms and legs, Rabbit slipped out of the girl’s grip and disappeared mostly into the water. Quickly wading out under the waterfall, he kept his stance low so that his chin touched the surface of the pool while he stared up at his humanized companion.

“Who the hell are you!?” he demanded without recognising Trixie. “Where the hell did you come from!? I... oh, God. You’re not going to kick my ass and turn into a demon-monkey, are you? Oh, shit, that’s exactly what you’re going to do knowing my luck!” he suddenly turned in the direction of the camp cupping his hands around his mouth. “Trixie! TRIX! HELP!”

“No! Rabbit calm down!” Trixie laughed, gently taking hold of Rabbit’s shoulders and trying to pull him closer. He struggled, slipping clear of her hands again, retreating down until his chin touched surface of the water again. “It’s me, Rabbit! It’s Trixie!”

Rabbit squinted disbelievingly.

And then he saw it – once he’d pulled his eyes away from her chest, of course. Those eyes. He recognised her eyes... well, her eyes and her crescent fringe. The mane-... pardon, the hair was unmistakeable. Also, he had to kick himself for not recognising the voice. And according to other ponies, Trixie was hot. Why wouldn’t her human form be hot too, right?

Still, Rabbit was left for words. There was only thing he could possibly stammer: “Y-... wha-... you got tall!” and that happened to be all the intelligible conversation Trixie got out of him for the entire morning.

Trixie quickly mentally ticked off seduction method 32-G as a dud. So much for securing that kiss in one go.

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